Finally!

 I have been stalling on writing in here as I knew hubby would be coming in any time to tell me 'goodbye' as he heads to his Bible study this morning.  He's running about 10-15 minutes later than usual.  He asked me again the other day if I 'still journal' (well, this IS a journal of my life, isn't it?) in my computer.  I said yes.  Then he asked how often I type in my blog.  I just said some.  Nothing I have said about him has been out of line, so if he reads it, he reads it.  He has the 'address' and can go into it at any time. I have never forbidden him.  But I don't want to be 'caught' typing in it for that will ensure he will go into it. If he remembers.  With having the computer on this desk, my back is to the door, therefore he can see what I'm doing when he comes in.  This morning I took the opportunity to pay my Kohls bill and check on a couple of credit cards while waiting on him to come in.  At least any 'bills' I had are now paid off.  All he saw was the store screen.  

I didn't sleep well last night.  I mean I really didn't sleep well.  I woke up at 11:30PM for the trek down the hall, but then tossed and turned for another hour.  Finally at 12:30AM I got up and came in here.  I knew hubby had at least one more trek down the hall during the night so I was having difficulty getting settled in my chair, anticipating him opening the door.  I was just settling in and sure enough, I hear his footsteps.  He opens the door.  Stars at me (I can see him because he has a night light in his bathroom).  "Are you in here?"  I just told him yes I was in here.  "Why?"  Well, I couldn't sleep so came in here so that he could.  He stood there for a few more seconds and I told him to just shut the door and go back to bed so that I could try and get some sleep too.  He did. And I did for a couple hours, I think.  

Yes, I have something on my mind and was working through it during the night.  Nothing bad.  But just thoughts.  A lot of good thoughts, and something I need to discuss with someone later today.  

I actually worked on my bulletin board yesterday and threw away some papers.  Will I get around to doing anything else in here?  Who knows.  I have Needles of Hope in the morning and hubby (yes, he did) made us mani/pedi appointments with the nail shop down the road - and he plans to pay for it.  Works for me.  His toenails are awful and I tried to cut them one time and after one look opted to take him to the nail shop for them to cut them.  YECK.  Now my feet are not the prettiest feet in the world, but, uh, no. Not cutting his toenails.  So we have that tomorrow afternoon.  Maybe after that I can get something done. Or not.  We've been doing more reading (so glad about that!) so may just curl up with a book. 

Had an eye exam yesterday and I really liked this doctor who did my exam.  I did the $35 scan they offer (have always refused it in the past) on a whim, and I'm glad I did.  This doctor brought up the photos and pointed out the nerves, and the stigmas I have in each eye - and he noticed I have a scar on the edge toward the ear on each eye.  Weird.   But he told me my eye nerves were healthy and no sign of diabetes (did you know they can tell some diseases by looking at your eye?  Ms. Bonnie from our other neighborhood was diagnosed with MS by her eye doctor!).  He also commented that my left eye worked harder than my right eye to see.  No explanation for the ocular migraines.  I keep asking.  But he wrote two prescriptions for glasses for whichever I wanted. I like him because he explained everything in the test in terms that I understood.  I think I'm getting the progressive for reading and computer.  When those come in, I'll ask what the other prescription was for.  I may ask for that prescription and check around for prices.  My insurance is good.  Remember last year they told me to never quit work, the VSP insurance I have for hubby and I (I took the top line) gives us one frame a year, and some of the other stuff too.  I ended up paying $35 for the test; $10 copay, and $95 for my cost of the new glasses.  Total $140.  Not bad, huh!  They will be here in about two weeks and I'm excited to get them. They are much lighter I think, than my last pair.  And I have numerous reading glasses laying around cause I don't wear my glasses all the time and have to find a pair to read anything with.  A couple of the frames (plastic) have broken and I need to throw those away.  Or glue back together.  

Did I tell you my new phone case finally arrived and I've had to 'downsize' all that I carried in my other one?  Yeah - I don't need to carry all that I was, but you know once you use something you just stick it in the folder and move on.  And my old phone case was getting pretty full.  Hubby likes his new blue cover; hopefully he will find it easier to find when he loses his phone.

My little sister and I are going to do a bible study together.  I saw this ad for one for Easter and we both ordered the books.  I decided that I wasn't going to try and watch the streaming video because with work and other issues, I often miss things due to time differences.  So I ordered the video to go along with the 4 week bible study and can do it on my own time.  I also ordered one for my sister and will send it on to her when I get it.  I also bought 'myself' a new DVD portable player.  It's larger than the one I had purchased about 5 years ago.  We only used it a couple times but the last time I used it, it stopped in the middle of the movie and wouldn't play anymore.  I was not a happy camper.  It was a cheap plastic one anyway.  The new one is as big, if not bigger, than this laptop.  Which is bigger than I like, but serves it purpose.  It's heavy too.  But at least the screen is big enough that we can see the movie and not a 8 inch screen like before.  I can remember when they had a player built within the computer and we could use those - but no more.  I actually miss those days of convenience.

Oh my - starting late this morning and time has gotten away from me!  Have already turned my work computer on and got caught by an email that had to be responded to right away.  Got to order some printing stuff for one of the directors in Colorado today too.  It's been 5 years since I've ordered any printing - think it has changed any?  And why does she have to ask me to do it!  I don't wanna!!  UGH but I have to do it.  Suck it up buttercup!

Alas, I don't have time to ramble so much in here; it's 7:04AM and I need to get to work.  My time is never my own, right?  Oh well - enjoy my little rambling stuff today - maybe I'll be more with it tomorrow when I have more than 4 hours of sleep.

Blessings!

Who did it? Probably me.

 If you read yesterday's 'blog' I wrote about hubby's new phone not working and his old phone was.  Well, that wasn't exactly the truth.  Although we didn't know it at the time.  First thing yesterday morning hubby gathered up our old phones to return to Verizon as we were to do.  I certainly couldn't go back to my old phone because I had registered the new phone for the signon at work and I was not going to go through that again.  I think everything transferred - and if not, perhaps I don't need it.  I've also gone through and deleted a lot of apps that I don't use.  Anyway - on to Verizon.  Hubby goes in to see Austin, whom we worked with on Saturday.  He told Austin about the issues with the new phone.  Austin took one look and said; you put the old phone in the new case and were trying to use the old phone.  Of course the old phone worked, it was the new one!  Somehow, in the three blue cases that we had purchased for his phone before I realized the camera was different than mine, we mixed up the phones.  He had stuck with the black siding on the phone, which not realizing the different sizes, we mixed them up.  I said I did it more than likely because I was the one doing all the 'work' on getting his phone taken care of.  But hubby did say it could have been him as well.  No biggie.  Austin took his old phone and deleted all the information.  Then he tried to delete mine.  They called me for my code to sign in.  I gave it.  Then my Apple password. I gave it.  LOL  Then Apple required a face ID.  Well, I wasn't there.  Couldn't do it online (although we didn't try).  So hubby brought my phone back and we returned later yesterday to get my old phone turned in and erased.  

When we came back I asked Austin if hubby had told the truth about why his face has stitches.  Austin replied that hubby had told him I had beat him up. (Actually, hubby said he had told him I hadn't beaten him up, he had surgery when he went the first time)  I just looked at Austin and told him that I was glad he got the truth.  Hubby gets out of line occasionally and only a beating sets him straight.  We all had a good laugh about that.  Even hubby.

I get a somewhat short break this morning; hubby is having breakfast with a friend.  Not that it really means anything to me; I still have to work.  'It is what it is'.  Right?  It's Thursday and tomorrow morning he will have his Bible study to go to.  I know I mention these times several times throughout the week; but they are important for my sanity.  

My oldest son txt'd me last night about having breakfast or lunch with him on March 22.  I checked the calendar and don't see anything on it so I think we will be meeting up that date.  Looking forward to it as I always do.  Just me and him.  I was trying to remember when we started this and I think this is year 10.  I count the years as when we started Jailbreak, as it was the Christmas before that I requested 1:1s once a quarter with each of my children.  They have no idea how much that means to me.  I think this son realizes it more as his children are away from home (well, but one) and he rarely gets to see them.  He is definitely 'walking in my shoes' when it comes to missing the contact with them.  

It is 6:38AM and it is still dark out.  I can't wait for the sun to be up by 6AM.  I love opening the shutters in this room and looking out the courtyard.  Yeah, I'm sitting at the desk I brought in here, and it is facing our courtyard.  Don't want to open the shutters or everyone can see me sitting here. Sometimes I open the shutters all the way and just have the glass open.  Hubby says I'm nosey and checking on the neighbors.  I can't help they live close by.  I hear our neighbors on the left at times in their courtyard. They have been doing a lot of work out there.  If I go out, and hear them coming out, I usually run back in.  I know, it's silly.  But she is a talker and even when I tell her I need to get back to work, she will continue non-stop talking for another twenty minutes!  We still need to have them over for a meal.  They had us over before Christmas.  Before Thanksgiving even, I am thinking.  But my time is limited and well, I'm just 'not there' yet.  Soon I hope.

Matthew 5:44-45:  But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike.

That was the scripture in one of the devotionals I read this morning, and it gives one a lot of thought.  We can, for example, get mad at our spouse, or even a friend.  But do we actually 'forgive' them, or do we just 'let it go' and ignore the problem (and them)?   The author shared she had been angry with her husband and withheld forgiveness.  He would always apologize, but then he would 'do it again' and hurt her.  He wanted her forgiveness, but he also wasn't trying to change.

But one day God told her that she needed to forgive her husband.  She gave God all the reasons why she could not    Her husband wasn't changing and if he wasn't going to change, she wasn't going to forgive.  God told her to extend mercy to her husband, although he did not deserve mercy.  That is the beauty of mercy.  It cannot be earned, and it is given when we deserve it least, because that is when we need it the most.

The author said she finally went to her husband and told him what God had said, and apologized for punishing him by withholding forgiveness.  She had withheld forgiveness to protect herself, but instead it was hurting both of them.  Choosing to be obedient to God, she told her husband that she forgave him, and healing and restoration took place within their marriage.  Forgiveness, mercy extended when it isn't deserved, brings much healing.  People change when they are extended mercy.  

Jesus extends His mercy to us, even though we don't deserve it.  Sometimes I feel like I deserve none of His mercy, and yet He extends it to me.  And with that undeserved mercy, my heart can beat again, and I can feel hope, and love, and even joy, again in my life.  As you have read along in these many writings I have done of my life, I'm sure you have seen me in all kinds of moods.  Some furiously angry, some so-so, some full of joy and happiness.  Some are just readings, right?  But I hope you get something out of each one, if nothing else but to learn from my mistakes.

Jesus uses the same measure and method of judging us that we have used to judge others. We cannot pick and choose the application of Scripture to suit our own liking.  Jesus instructs, but He allows each individual to decide whether or not he or she will obey His Word.  Jesus leads; He never forces anyone to follow Him.

Change is always hard, as we all know.  But instead of blaming others, let's instead forgive them.  It will get us out of the bondage of anger that we put ourselves in, and frees them to change.  Don't we want to be forgiven also?  None of us deserve mercy, but Jesus gives it freely.  Let us do the same.

Blessings!

It's not too bad....

 Hubby could not wait to take off his bandages and did so a little after noon.  He has about 1-1/2" stitches from the bridge of his nose up.  Those are the most prominent.  The one on his cheek, you can't even see the stitches, and right now, it's all puffy, and it looks like he may have a 'dimple'.  The plastic surgeon did an excellent job in filling that hole they dug into his face.  This was the quarter size hole.  It hasn't been too painful for him, but the cheek is puffy and red and he is starting to get a black eye.  He bemoans how he looks, but it is all part of the healing process.  He has actually done very well with it.  He didn't meet his friend last night and the daughter didn't come over so it was just us again last night.  I did work on some of my diamond art after dinner.

Yesterday was distracting as hubby kept coming into the room to talk about anything and everything. I did call the help desk yesterday morning and they helped me get the iphone 16 registered to the authenticator at work to connect.  It was still going to my old phone.  The tech knew exactly what to do.  I had no idea that changing phones would cause a need to call the help desk and 'register' the new phone and delete the old one.  Think I'm keeping the new one now, rather than go through this again.  

Then yesterday afternoon..... hubby tried to call his friend to tell him that he wouldn't be meeting him, and his NEW phone gave him the Verizon message it wasn't in service.  What?  My new phone still worked.  And his OLD phone still worked.  Looks like Verizon turned off the new one.  We started to Verizon after I got off work to find out why and return the old phones we planned to turn in today.  Maybe the turn off was to get them turned back in?  But, as we were heading that way, I remembered the guy we worked with gets off at 3PM, so we turned around and went back home.  Hubby will drive over there today and personally hand them to the person we worked with and get his NEW phone turned back on, and the old one will be turned in.  It was a somewhat stressful evening as we tried to get the message to his friend from my phone.  And, my phone case I ordered before hubby's still has not arrived.  It was to arrive two days ago.  Then yesterday.  Today's message says Saturday.  I guess it is coming from China.  Surely they have some of these cases somewhere around here in the USA.  I'm debating on cancelling the order.

After we went to bed I heard something fall, but did not get up to check. The thought entered my mind of what it sounded like (seriously) but I did not get up and check.  Hubby caused me to wake up a few times during the night with his getting up and turning, etc., so I don't feel like I slept well and was still sound asleep at 5AM when he came in to the bedroom making noises and it woke me up.  So I feel like I'm running an hour behind this morning.  Anyway, I went to look at my phone to see when my case would get here - only it wasn't where I put it.  I looked everywhere and couldn't find it, so asked hubby to call my phone.  Where was it?  It was the noise I had heard last night (and that thought had entered into my mind) and it had fallen off the table and down the side of my chair in here.  I did look when I first discovered it wasn't there, but it had fallen between some papers and I didn't see it.  So that took several minutes this morning as well.  The back of the phone is so slick I guess it must have vibrated somehow and slid off the table.  It wasn't on the edge so it is interesting that it fell off.  I sure hope that the case I ordered comes on Saturday.  If not, I will get one similar to it and make it do.  It's so slick I don't even like holding it in my hand. 

So here it is Wednesday, I get up late(r) and had to find my phone.  I'm trying hard to shake off my crankiness because things are out of my usual routine.  I skipped a couple books I read in the mornings because I was running short on time.  I don't want to just 'read' the devotional, I like thinking about it.  Like my Dear Abba book I am going through.  It can take me 45 minutes to write my letter to God and listen for Him to speak to me.  I wasn't going to skim through the reading and skip the waiting part.  The waiting part is the most important part.  God will speak, if we will just pause long enough to listen.   So with being out of my 'routine' of doing things, I'm feeling 'out of sorts' somewhat.   This is why my 'quiet time' in the mornings is so important to me.  It helps me focus upon God and give Him my day so that I can get through it better.

I want/need to take a day or two off work, but don't want to when hubby is home.  I know that doesn't make sense, but we don't do anything.  Like now, we are together 24/7 and although he loves it; I'm smothered and dying.  Yes, I can leave and go to the store or somewhere, but I also don't want to spend money frivolously.  I do that enough online with Amazon.  If I go to Sam's club, I do need to pick up some more Premier Protein shakes as with 30 grams of protein they help shake any hunger and can be used as a meal replacement or a snack.  Low carbs (4g) too.  But I know me.  I will have to walk the aisles and I know that I will find some other things to buy.  It's Sam's Club, remember?  So I keep myself away until I have to go.  Which might be today if I need to get out of the house.  Sometimes I think hubby forgets that I am working for he frequently interrupts with things he needs or questions he has.  If I was at the office, he would not be doing that.  I imagine if I was at the office and gone all day he would be agreeable to my retirement just so he could have me at home.  Right?  He is so afraid of being alone and something happening to him.  If I'm here, I'm his security blanket.

I John 4:9 (NKJV):  In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him.  

As I read that verse this morning, I am reminded of the love that God has for us.  It is so great that He sent His only Son to earth, to live among us, to suffer for us (our sins), and then to have Him, His only Son, die on an old rugged cross.  It was so painful to God to see His Son suffer so, that He had to turn His face away.  He could not bear seeing His Son, His one and only begotten Son, carrying all our sins and bearing it all on the cross.  Remember Jesus crying out the words "My God, my God, why hast Thou forsaken Me?  The anguish of those words!  The cry of the Son to the Father.  God had turned His head away.   

But the love of the Father for us, raised Jesus from the dead, and took Him to be with Him.  I love my children, but I don't know that I could give up any of them.  To suffer for others they don't even know. To be beaten and hung on a cross.  No, I would not willingly give up any of my children for that.  Not to save anyone else.  And neither would you.

But God.  He did it. He gave up Jesus for you and for me.  Jesus took all our sins and had them nailed to the cross.  Just so that we could live life fully and be with Him eternally.  Living life in heaven has such a better appeal than burning in hell for eternity.  Living with Jesus really isn't that hard.  Love God first and love others second.  Treat others like you want to be treated.  Is that so hard?  Why not ask Jesus to take your sins away and serve Him?  It's so easy.  Just tell Him you are sorry for your sins, that you are choosing to follow Him for the rest of your life.  Ask Him to forgive you, and help you live life the way He would want you to.  So simple, and it is free.  Jesus has already paid the cost.  Won't you surrender to Him and live life?  In that it is love.  You will know love like never before.  Everything is 'new'.  Everything is 'love'.

Blessings!

Yesterday was truly 'a day'...

 I drove hubby 'across town' to the dermatologist surgeon's office for the removal of two basal cell carcinomas on his face.  I think I have mentioned before that one was between his eyes and the other on his cheek next to his nose.  He was very anxious about it so when he asked if I would go up with him versus my dropping him off at the door and returning home, I said yes.  I parked the car in the garage and we walked over to the office.  The office personnel were very nice and friendly, they had coffee and water and snacks set out for 'guests'.  Hubby goes up to register and the word 'cancer' was spoken.  Hubby says "I don't have cancer, I just have basal cell."  The nurse looked at him and said again, "You have cancer."  He goes "No, my doctor said it could CAUSE cancer if I didn't have them removed."  The nurse repeated again, "You have cancer."

As it would most people, it unnerved him.  I honestly thought that he understood that basal cell carcinoma was skin cancer.  For some reason, he had 'dropped' the word 'carcinoma' and was just saying basal cell (which is easier to say) and never made the connection as to what it was.  He was so shaken that when he asked me to stay, I did.  I wish I had taken my yarn.  Note to self: always have something stuck in the handbag to work on or carry the knitting bag.   Long story short, we both went back the first time and when they were ready to numb the areas, I excused myself.  I KNOW how bad that needle hurt in the back of my neck.  I didn't want to watch him receive those shots - in two places - and I am glad I left.  I heard him holler only once, but that was enough.

To make a long story short, he was taken back three times to ensure they 'got it all'.  After the second time they left him in the room and had me come back with him.  He was nearly in tears.  We talked and he calmed down.  Then they sent him out to the waiting room with me while they checked the area.  As he sat in the lobby, the blood started coming out of the bandage so I found the nurse and she took him back again.  Then they showed him there was still one spot on one of the areas they had to go back in and get.  I left the room.  I will see it today when he removes the bandages, but one was the size of a quarter we were told.  He is still pretty shaken about the entire ordeal, and I truly understand that!  He slept well last night I think.  We left the office at 3PM (his appt was at 10:30AM) and we went to the pharmacy to get his antibiotics and pain pills before heading home.  Getting home at 4PM I worked for another 30 minutes before heading to the gym for my training, then back home to the computer until I got caught up.  So glad I have a boss that lets me work my own hours basically.  So glad I didn't take the day off as PTO as just sitting there all day without my yarn was a very unproductive day, although I was 'working' off my phone on some messages for work.  All in all, hubby is doing well thus far.  He said the one on his forehead hurts the most right now.  He will take a shower this afternoon and soak the bandages so that he can get them off his face.  I think he may be shaken again when he sees the stitches.  But it will heal and he will be fine.

I'm still not liking the iphone 16.  Today I will have to continue going through the apps to see if everything is the same.  I found a critical issue that I will call the work help desk over this morning - luckily I still have my 'old' phone. At least until tomorrow.  When I sign in to work and sign in to the intranet, the authenticator still comes up on my old phone - but does not activate on the new phone.  That is a problem.  If the help desk can't fix it, I will turn in the 16 and keep my 12, which was working fine for me. My apple watch isn't working right either; I've 'lost' the steps icon and I've been all over the apple watch app and it is not there.  Other things are - but not steps so I can't track steps at a glance. I have to go into another app to see my steps.  Very frustrating for me.  All this I have to resolve today as we are to turn the old phones in tomorrow. Grateful they let us keep them activated for a few days to check them against the new ones. What I'm seeing thus far I do not like. 

I was reading in a book this morning about Jesus on the cross.  After the Roman soldiers had beaten Jesus unmercifully.  After Jesus was nailed to the cross.  Bloodied and beaten, Jesus looked out over those around him, and saw only one disciple (John).  He saw his mother (Mary), and one or two others that did not desert him.  He looked at the centurion who was watching over him. He squinted down and saw the soldiers gambling for his clothes.  And what did He say?  "Father, forgive them."

Three words.  Who were those for?  They were for the disciples who deserted Him.  They were for Peter who denied Him.  They were for the soldiers who beat him, and those who nailed Him to the cross.  Those three words were also for me, and for you.  Jesus went to the cross for my sins, and your sins.  You do not need to live a defeated life, carrying a heavy load of sin.  Why not let go of it and let Jesus have it?  After all, He died for your sins, so why are you still carrying them on your shoulders as a heavy burden?  Let them go and let Jesus have them; they are nailed to the cross.   He went to the cross for them; they are no longer yours to carry.  Thank You, Jesus.  He set us free.  So be free indeed.

Blessings!

I love that God knows our thoughts

 and sometimes He gives us what we ask for!  That could be a scary thing for some people, but for me yesterday, it was perfect. Let me explain.  Because I was determined NOT to just sit and watch tv or crochet all day yesterday, after we watched church (which was very good, by the way) on You Tube, I fixed 'brunch'.  I even fixed steak and green beans!  Steak was tough and dry.  NEVER buy from a sales pitch that a farmer from out of state is having a big sale!  The hamburgers were tasteless.  Anyway, thoughts are going offtrack.  I fixed lunch.  Then hubby asked what were we going to do - take a nap, watch TV, etc.  And I said....

"We are going to put these things together that have sat here for two weeks."  So I handed him the stool that needed put together.  I took control of the easel.  As I sat on the floor trying to put it together, my thoughts were "God, it sure would be nice if my son-in-law could stop by and take over this project; he would get it done much faster!"  I.kid.you.not.  The doorbell rang just a few minutes later and it was the daughter and the son-in-law.  I needed something done on my car and hubby hadn't gotten it done yet, so the SIL came over to do it for me.  I had not asked him; the daughter knew it needed to be done, but I hadn't talked to her for a few days so she didn't know if it was done or not.  Anyway - the SIL took care of my car and then asked what we were doing.  I told him - and commented that I had been talking to God that if the SIL stopped by, I would let him put it together for me.  (Instructions nowadays are hard to follow, in my opinion.  But I had gotten started on it.)  

So the daughter took the instructions and the SIL got to work and quickly got the easel put together.  Hubby needed a bit of help at the end on the stool, but it got completed.  And the daughter put together the little stand I had bought for the paints as well.  I put the painting on the easel, and it is now ready to be painted.  Looks great too!  Talked to the SIL about redoing our courtyard.  I think I have mentioned a time or two how it is cluttered, and it is starting to annoy me.  Oh - and I finally planted my poinsettias into pots yesterday.  When I asked hubby when the last time was he watered, he thought about it and said Friday.  I think he was wrong.  Why?  Because there was water on the green 'carpet' where he would have dragged the hose (could it have been two days old?) but my question came not because the plants were dry.  They were so sopping wet that there was water standing at the bottom of the pot.  UGH.  And it was starting to smell.

When I commented to hubby about the plants being watered too much, he went off on me that then I needed to do it.  And take something else away from him. Sigh.  I just looked at him, and said my watering the plants would probably be better because I know about how much water I should give them.  He grumbled, but at least I know they will be watered.  I think he overwaters so that he doesn't have to do it but once a week.  But I asked the SIL to redo our courtyard and fix the plants. He was a landscaper way back when so I told him I'd give him so much money and if there was anything left over, it was his.  He had planned last year to fix up my courtyard as part of my mother's day gift, but it got so hot so quick, I discouraged him.  But now I will give him free rein.  Our neighbors were out 'again' working in their courtyard.  I kid you not, it is immaculate.  They are clean freaks and I feel like a dirty slob next to them.   Perhaps that is why I feel so cluttered lately. Their house inside is open and airy - ours is cluttered.  Sigh. But I think that is the 'midwest' in me.  Right?

Hubby has his surgery this morning on his face.  He is so over-anxious about it.  I don't blame him, really.  And if he knew how bad those needles are going to hurt, (which I did not remind him of the pain I felt on the back of my neck!) to numb the areas - I feel for him, I really do!  The needles go deep because the doctor has to go deep to get it all.  I think I'm going to start the day working.  Will need to take off about 9AM to take him to the office on the other side of town (of course).  Will be back home about 10-10:30 I imagine.  May work until I have to go back and get him - and then take the rest of the day off.  It would only be a couple hours anyway and anything that comes in I can do tomorrow.  I'll check messages just to be sure.  Unless I change my mind and just take the entire day off - I have some errands I need to run.

Jeremiah 29:11-13 (NKJV):  For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for me with all your heart.

Have you ever really thought that the Lord thinks about you?  He is always watching over you (probably because someone has asked Him to!) and He wants the very best for you.  But are you reaching out to Him to receive it?  The Lord wants to give you good things; He wants to give you a future full of joy and peace, and hope.  What is hope anyway?  Stop and think for a moment how many times you think "I hope that .............".  Yeah, I think we all do it.  "I hope I get that job."  "I hope we get to the destination quickly."  "I hope that the doctor's report will be good."  Yeah, we all have our hopes and then the thought comes..... we hope for it, but did we pray and ask God for it?  Before we even approach what we hope for, do we pause and ask God, "this is what I'm hoping for, will You provide it?"  True, sometimes the answer isn't the 'yes' that we want to hear.  But there is so much more peace going into situations, into doing things, when we surrender our request, however minor we think it is, to our God who loves us more than we can ever imagine.  You want healing?  Did you ask God to heal you?  Are you doing YOUR part to get well?  There is a lot I could probably write about that but I will hush about it.  For now.  Just know that the Lord longs to give you peace, give you a future and a hope.  Turn to Him and allow Him to take care of you.  It is one 'surrender' you will never regret.

Blessings!

Of course we did...

 I think I mentioned in another post that hubby was having trouble with his iphone and had gone to Verizon.  Of course he did.  And of course they talked him into two iphone 16 'free', and he felt we ought to do it.  Well, we did go down yesterday (and I got a pink one!) and did, in fact, get two free iphone 16s.  In the meantime, I'm ordering cases.  We got two in yesterday from Amazon, but I don't like the layout of mine.  Hubby says it is because I'm used to the case I have, and that could very well be right. He doesn't like his, but I can't remember the reason why.  Nevertheless, I did order two different ones and his will be arriving this morning, mine tomorrow.  We will return the two we have.  I love that we can just drop them off at Staples/Kohls/UPS and a couple other places and get a receipt and walk away.  A few minutes later the refund is on my card.

So, yes, we both have new phones and I spent a bit of time last night going through some of the apps and having to input my passwords.  UGH.  I hate that part.  Most I don't even remember; and I have many written down... but in which book and which is the most current?  I received a new password book for Christmas and I have started putting some in it, but I need to go through every app that I need a password for and get it written down.  I need to. But will I?  Maybe eventually....

We were going to go to a new church this morning and check it out, but as I went out to get a second cup of coffee, hubby asked to talk.  And I understand exactly what he is saying.  If we go today, we go once. Next week we are at the RV Park.  Then we go once, and the following week we are at a RV Park.  We go once, and we are at the RV Park.... and then I think I'm done until November.  So we have decided to watch it on You Tube (not sure if we can get this church, but we are going to look for it) until we can go at least 3-4 Sundays in a row so that we can determine if we will 'like' this church.  I hope we can find it. We have read a couple of this pastor's books and really like his transparency, and I love the mission of the church - Living like Jesus; Loving like Jesus.  Isn't that what we are all supposed to be doing?

I finally broke through - I think - a point on the scale where I feel like I have lost about 6 pounds.  I know it isn't much, but since my tummy is starting to go down, to me it is a lot.  Can you imagine six pounds of FAT falling off someone's belly?   I can remember when someone close had a tummy tuck.... and they took twenty pounds (seriously!) of fat out of her tummy.  She swore it would never happen again.  Of course that was twenty years ago.  But ... she is taking Ozempic and losing weight and has continuously pushed on me to take it as well so we can do this journey of weight loss together.  No thank you.  Sure, at one point it was tempting, but I don't want to put any drugs in my body that I don't 'have' to.  You get my drift?  Yes, I would like to lose about 30 more pounds.  Can you believe I downloaded an app that Virta recommended to count carbs, and when I put in my goal weight, it told me it was too low for my age??! I dissed that app real quick.  My goal weight is none of its business.  And no, it isn't too low for my age.  Nor for my size.  And while I'm at it, why is it that as we age, people EXPECT us to round out and gain weight and 'it's ok because we are older'????  Phooey on them!  As long as I stay healthy, and eat healthy, I should be able to weigh whatever my body chooses, right?  I'm definitely never going to see 113 again - which is what I weighed when I was single.  But I would like to get toned and thinner.  And that's why I work out.  Muscle weighs more than fat anyway so I will always weigh more - and if I feel good about where I'm at - no app is going to tell me it's too high or too low!!

Praying over my son and his wife as they head back home today from Colorado.  He had mentioned in his blog he had a weird premonition about the trip.  It could have been just anxiety and dread of having to make the entire long trip within a 3 day period.  I hope that is all it was.  I haven't heard anything. I had hoped he would let me know they arrived safely, but he did not, and I respect his space enough I was not going to send him a text and ask. I am not, nor have ever been, a hoovering mother.  My daughter and youngest son, when they go on a trip, as a rule will send a text and just say 'arrived safely' so that I know.  And when they come back, they let me know when they are home.  But this son is very independent - always has been.  And I respect that and give him his space.

Still debating on taking tomorrow off work.  Not for me specifically, but for hubby.  I may have mentioned it before.  He is having two basal cell carcinomas removed from his face.  One right between the eyes, and the other next to his nose on his cheek.  He is very anxious, of course.  Not for what it will look like after the surgery, but having it done.  And I would be too.  I remember how much that needle hurt on the back of my neck when I had one removed; I can't imagine what he will feel when they do they face.  Shivers!!  I will need to drive him there (I don't think I really need to, but he is so anxious he asked me to) and drop him off.  Then, when he gets released, he will call and I will go back and get him.  My favorite boss said if I need to take it off to do so - or I could work as I could and save the time off for a day when I can play.  I have enough hours, and the thought that I could get some things done while he is away is very tempting.  Maybe I will - and I can - 'take off' about 2PM for the rest of the day.  It will be about that time he will call to pick him up, I imagine. I think he has to be there at 10 or 10:30 - he will be there a total of 3-4 hours and I don't need to sit there.  It's about a 35 minute drive one way so consider an hour of driving.... I won't get much work done.  I just had a thought.  Hmmmm.  I will need to double check hubby's check in time.  More perhaps tomorrow on that subject.

I really need to clean up around my chair in here, and need to clean out this bookcase in here too.  I knocked something off my table this morning and as I looked around the table, I have books stacked, papers, bookmarkers, and who knows what all, all around it.  I need to clean it up and straighten it up.  I NEED to let go of some things I don't use!!  I threw an empty Amazon box in to my closet the other day with the hopes that as I see things I don't wear anymore (or haven't in two years; that's the usual thought - haven't worn in two years, get rid of it) and put in the box.  When it's full, take to The Salvation Army.  I know I have two suits in there that I haven't worn in probably 20 years.  Yes, I said years.  My butt grew real quick and the skirts were too tight.  Why haven't I let go of them?  

Well, I'm a sentimental person.  And you know SOME of you are like me.  When someone gives you something, or is with you when you get something, it is a memory of that person, right?  This is getting ridiculous, I know.  I had three rings that my first hubby had given me.  My daughter got the wedding rings, and traded them in on her own. And that's fine.  My oldest son got the pearl ring that had been purchased in Viet Nam for me.  The youngest got the turquoise mother's ring that was the last thing I had received.  I wasn't allowed to take much when I was moved out.  But those were mine and I gave them to the children.  I have a jacket that my mother used to wear.  I have my older sister's leopard coat she wore and we all made fun of. I have pieces of a train that my big brother gave me. I have my youngest brother's baby book and many photos of his kids.  I should let go of the jacket and the coat - I know I have other things that they gave me.  So why do I hang on to them?  I have no idea.  But it may be time for a cleaning out.

It's like the other day hubby and I were talking about a sweatsuit I had given him for Christmas.  I had bought an XL because he had gained a lot of weight (in my opinion).  The way we were eating he could have kept gaining it.  BUT - I started on Virta and because I am eating lighter and better, so is he - and of course, being a man, he has lost more than I have.  He keeps telling me he is having to punch more holes in his belt to keep his pants up.  Sigh.  Jealous.  Anyway - the sweatsuit pants need to be cut and hemmed about 8 inches.  (why do clothing manufacturers think everyone is tall?)  He was talking about taking to a tailor to have them fix.  I looked at him and told him not to bother, for they are XL and if he continues to lose weight as he has, (he says he only wants to lose two more pounds), it will be too big for him.  His comment?  "I keep everything you give me so I don't want to give them away."  LOL  Yeah, it kind of runs in the family, right?  Well, no, that's not true.  My daughter doesn't get attached to much of anything material.  Or it is that she has moved so much that she tries to keep material things 'light'.  I know when we moved here, I have no clue of where a lot of my things went.  They may still be in the boxes I have stored out in the garage as I have no room in the house to put anything.  (I want a bigger house!!) But I know I 'lost' a lot of things, and I have missed them.  But 'it is what it is' and I had to let go of a lot.  I was a 'collector' like my mother.  No, not a hoarder, but I love crystal glasses and pretty dishes.  And I had a lot.  

Change of thought.  Daggone it.  I ordered a new case for hubby's phone and it doesn't fit the camera.  Again.  I thought his camera was like mine - but it is not.  He has something extra on his - so that case is to be returned as well and I am ordering yet another case that will arrive in the morning - hopefully with mine.  I hope I ordered the right one for mine - perhaps I need to look at what I ordered!

Matthew 6:34 (NKJV):  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Isn't that so true!  Why worry about today and the things one needs to do - when tomorrow will bring about its own issues and troubles!  For example, I could sit here and worry about work tomorrow, getting hubby to the doctor, getting back home - or I can leave that for tomorrow and just deal with what I want to accomplish today.  Yeah - I think I'll leave tomorrow alone.  I will have enough to think about tomorrow. 

Have a blessed day!

Blessings!

Loving my Saturday

 I slept in until about 5:30AM this morning - and loved being able to just stretch out in bed and chill.  But I did get up and come in here to spend my time with God.  Hubby got up and made my coffee and brought to me.  I know, I'm spoiled.  I can get my own coffee, but as I have mentioned many, many times, he likes to do it.  I could look at it two different ways.  1) It's all about control (which I am sure I have felt many times, or 2) He loves me and just wants to serve me.  It's all in the thought process.  And, whatever I think can make or break my day.

I've already been in for a second cup of coffee this morning and it is now gone.  It's after 8AM so will be stopping after this to fix something for breakfast - probably bacon and eggs, or sausage and eggs.  Hubby has already asked me if we could leave at 11AM to go .... and I looked at him blankly and asked "go where, you have to remind me.", and it was to Verizon, of course.  The guy he talked to is only working until 2PM today and he wants to work with him.  Whatever.  I knew we would end up getting iphone 16s.  In fact, without my agreeing with him, I went ahead yesterday and bought cases for them - for him and me - for I knew that if he wanted it, unless I threw a fit (and why would I if it was free? would be his response) and said no, we would be getting them.  He's already confirmed it this morning.  Oh I dread the transferring and opening of the apps and finding my passwords!  Or do we have to do that anymore?  I don't pay any attention.  

What does complete surrender to God look like?  Have you ever thought about that?  In my Dear Abba book this morning she talked about that.  The story was there about how she created a shoe box and every time she tried to take control of a situation, she would write it out on a paper and put in the shoebox - and give it to God.  Is life really that simple? That we only need to write down our issue on a paper and throw in a box and say "it's Yours, Lord, take it over"?  I think we can, at least sometimes.  Sometimes God does want us to just do the right thing and it will take care of itself.  Do you agree?  But many times, there are situations that we need to pray about it, and then release it to God to take care of.

Many, many years ago my boys were involved with things they shouldn't have been.  It was in my early stages of being a Christian and learning what that was about.  After all, I never had an example of what a Christian was, at least none that I remembered.  But I remember now that every single day I was on my face praying for my boys and asking God to deliver them.  And He did.  God answered my prayer.  I had to take my hands off and do what I only knew to do.  That was to pray for them.  And pray for them I did!  God heard my prayers, saw my tears for them, and He answered as only He can.  It is truly a miracle of how He answered.  I don't know all the details, but the situations my boys were in, they walked out of.  So grateful to God for His answers.  But I had to let go.  I couldn't corner the boys and say "don't do that".  It wasn't my place.  It had to be God to get them out of the dungeon they had gone to.  All praise to God for His deliverance.

I still pray for my boys daily.  Pray for my daughter as well.  I pray for my grandchildren.  I pray for my great-grandchildren.  I pray for friends. I pray for hubby. I pray for myself.  I pray.... and may God's will be done.  Some days I will feel a specific burden for one, and that one gets specific prayer, even when I don't know what is going on.  Other times it is when a family member will share a bit of information so that I will know how to pray for that specific one.  

Everyone lives their own life in their own choosing.  It's difficult for me to explain for it to make sense.  But many times (in my opinion), when someone entertains evil thoughts, or retorts in an evil manner, or watches violent and evil movies, or reads books about evil situations.... they are opening the door to the devil in their lives.  In their homes.  Things people look at on the computers, just for a peek, will invite the devil and he is devious.  He is sly.  We as Christians, must not give the devil a foothold!  We are to stand against the devil for the Lord is on our side!  I think many times people don't realize the entertainment they allow in their homes, in their minds, are things that will disrupt their homes, their lives, the lives of their children.

So what should we do?  Repent.  Ask for forgiveness.  Seek God to make right for what was wrong.  Many years ago I threw away - literally - books and videos that were entertaining when I read them, but after I became a Christian, I realized that Jesus would not watch that movie, nor would He read those books.  It was a real eye-opener to me.  And I can give you an example.

When hubby and I were married almost 43 years ago, neither of us were Christians.  On our honeymoon we went to watch 'The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas' - I think that was the name of it.  It was hilarious and we both love (and still do) Dolly Parton who starred in it.  BUT.  One day I found it at Savers and I bought it, remembering how much we enjoyed it when on our honeymoon.  Then we sat down to watch it.  Talk about being convicted!  Words and actions stood out like a sore thumb.  We could not watch it, and it was thrown into the trash.  Some of you may scoff at me for doing that - but I could not watch the movie once I became a Christian.  What I thought was entertaining then, was not entertaining as I saw the scenes I had forgotten about.  I still love the songs from that movie, but I cannot watch it.  

Jesus wants our lives to be clean.  We are not to entertain thoughts that are not of Him.  Does that make sense?  Let's see if I can come up with an example.  You know that hubby and I have our difficulties at times.  Ok, many times.  But a lot of that is from both of our stubbornness to give up our 'rights' and our 'control'.  I think we all go through those phases.  Right?   What if, as I live with hubby, my thoughts were always lusting after another man.  Or for hubby, what if his thoughts would be lusting after another woman.  That is opening the door to the devil and to a lot of trouble that he can cause.  

Bottom line - Keep your thoughts pure and holy; for Jesus said, "Be holy, as I am holy."  We will never be perfect; Christ is the only Perfect One.  If we keep our minds, our thoughts, our lives, focused only upon Him, you will find such joy, peace, and everlasting refreshment in Him.  What are you going to do?  Live life as you are now?  Or surrender your life to Jesus and ask Him to help you kick the devil out of your home.  In fact, why not get up right now and tell the devil to get out of your home, that you and your family, your children, belong to Jesus and the devil is not welcome in your home!  I've done it. I've gone around and anointed the doors and windows of my home, praying that God will block any evil coming in when we are angry with each other. That we will sit down and talk through it and work it out. Every family has disagreements.  Don't let your disagreements affect the atmosphere in your home, or in the lives of your children.  Be conscious of the words you speak, for you never know which ones you will have to eat.

Blessings!

It's another 2-cup morning

 I did not want to wake up this morning, nor did I want to get out of bed.  But, alas, I finally drug myself out about 4:30AM and I'm still struggling NOT to curl up in a ball here in my chair, wrap my blanket about me, and try to just snuggle. It's the end of the week - and the usual weariness that follows.  I did remember at 4AM as I was waking up that my oldest son and his wife are heading out of town this weekend for a very long drive.  Been praying over them, that angels will surround their vehicle, that it will keep running and all will be well, and that God would be watching over them.  I am confident that no matter what, they are in safe hands.  It's like a piece of me goes with my children when they leave town; I miss them, although I really do not see them that much, and talk infrequently with them.

Just grabbed another cup of coffee.  Hubby is getting ready to leave for his Bible study this morning.  He's been having trouble with his phone so stopped at verizon the other day.  Yes, they talked to him about 'giving us' two iphone 16s at no cost.  Yeah, right.  I asked some questions as to 'when' we will be paying for them, if not right up front, and how long is the contract for that he will be signing (you know he will).  He's going back down to talk to them today after Bible study.  I don't care.  My 12 is fine. Yes, my screen is cracked in several places, but I can still read it, so what's the problem?  But hubby seems to always have trouble with his phone about every 2-3 years and has to get a new one because verizon can't find what is wrong with it.  This time he isn't getting calls from the management company, and of course being president of the HOA, they need to be able to get to him.  The calls are going straight to voicemail. It's like 'whatever'.  I only need a phone to make calls and an occasional photo. And read my emails if I choose.  I could do without all the other stuff, but will probably end up with a 16 just because he wants it.  I was happy with my 6 and with my 10.  It would mean I would have to find the passwords for all these apps that I have on my phone that I do use (and those I don't that often).  Lord, help.  That would be a task I don't want to undertake.  We will talk about it 'again' after he gets more information.

Yesterday wasn't that busy with work and I was able to get a few things done outside of work.  Grateful when I have a couple slow days without a lot of pressing things to accomplish.  All I need to do today, that I'm aware of right now, is complete the minutes from the board meeting the other week.  No, I haven't done them yet.  I still want to get the easel and table and other projects set up so that we can start on them.  I did take a short break and worked on my diamond art project of a Santa Claus to hang on my wall at Christmas.  I may try to 'push' hubby into doing a snowman that I had bought before Christmas last year and get him on it.  Trying to get him to focus on a hobby.  He never has had one so this is hard for him, I think.  He doesn't like puzzles.  He doesn't do model cars.  He has never had a hobby. Well, he does enjoy reading, but he doesn't read long (like I do).  I'm going to try to get him to do a diamond art project and I can put a book on speaker and we both can listen to it.  Win, win, perhaps?  

I have so many projects I enjoy doing, and so many that I WANT to get done.  The one that eats at me is the bookcases.  As mentioned before, we have several and they are all full of books.  I want to put them in alphabetical order.  I know we have a few authors that we have 2 each (at least) of some of their books.  If I want to read a book, and know I have it but can't find it, I will just go to Thriftbooks.com and buy another.  Paying $3.99 - $5.99 is a lot cheaper than $15 or $20 at Amazon.  Plus I also get extras at time to share with others.  In fact, I have a stack of books in here that I have purchased and want to share with friends and my sister for birthday or Christmas.  And it's growing.  I guess I need to quit that and just give them titles and recommend THEY get them if they want them.  I know some have tastes different from me.  For example, I'm into spiritual or learning more about Jesus - and my sister is into the end times books.  She would send me copies of some at times. Some I have read, but others are either above my head or I just can't get into them.  We don't always agree on books, but sometimes we do read what is sent.  I read Winning the War of Your Mind  by Craig Groeschel and loved it.  Craig is so real in his books.  But one of the things he talks about is his fear of not having enough money.  There were several things that reminded me of my sister, and hubby.  So I handed the book over to hubby when I finished it, and he is in the middle of it now.  He said it caused him (after he and I discussed this very subject) to write down a list of things that he had a fear of.  Yesterday we talked about it again - he is afraid that I will die and leave him first. And he's afraid he will die first and leave me alone.  See what fear can do to you?  My sister doens't know how to save money nor wants to.  And she is always broke and complaining they don't have any money.  Yet she spends every penny she gets.  I sent her the book cause he also talks about that.  She says she is reading it; but will she think about applying it?  I don't know and it is none of my business.  I just want to give some information that may help.  

Hubby has left for his Bible study and I am loving the quiet in the house.  My door is open and there is just quiet.  I love it.  It really makes me want to stop and go start putting one of my 'projects' together.  If I wait when hubby is home, he will 'want to do it' and he doesn't get it, that I want to do it.  It's fulfilling for me.  He has never shown an interest in putting anything together until I start on it and then he wants to do it.  He likes to steal my joy that way.  I have several things to put together this time so I'm prepared.  I think I will start him with the small table for the paints.  I can start on the easel.  If he finishes, then I have the stool he can start on.  Easy, simple projects, right?  I never get complicated ones - I'm not that smart.  Complicated?  I will call one of my children or grandchildren to put it together!

I Corinthians 11:29-30 (NKJV):  For he who eats and drinks in an unworthy manner eats and drinks judgement to himself, not discerning the Lord's body. For this reason many are weak and sick among you, and many sleep.

I finished a book on Communion by Joseph Prince last night.  It really gave me thought.  Something I had never thought about before, always accepting what I was taught.  See, there is a difference.  We can be taught to believe or think about something a certain way. But when we dive into the truth and try to understand it, and God reveals His truth, it can change everything.  

For example, I have always heard (not necessarily 'taught') that 'don't come to the Lord's Table (communion) if you have sin in your life. If you are unworthy and partake, you are guilty of the body and blood, and will drink judgement to yourself.'  That is enough to scare one to confessing every thought that comes to their mind!  How many times have I had to tell hubby I was sorry before I took communion at church (but did I really mean it?) sot hat I felt I was 'clean enough' to take communion?  How many times have we declined to take communion because we felt we were sinful and unworthy?

According to Joseph Prince - that is wrong thinking!  He explained the scripture in a way that I hadn't thought about before.  One would always be thinking 'is there a sin in my life that I haven't confessed?' every time communion would come up.  We don't want to take the risk and take communion and have judgement fall upon us.  What if we forgot a sin?  And didn't confess it?

But Joseph Prince says 'by ot coming to the Lord's Table, we are robbing ourselves of God's source of health, healing and blessing.  Legalistic and erroneous teaching is very damaging because it keeps us from receiving what God has for us.

Paul says in I Corinthians 11:27-29 (KJV):  Wherefore whosoever shall eat this bread, and drink this cup of the Lord, unworthily, shall be guilty of the body and blood of the Lord. But let a man examine himself, and so let him eat of that bread, and drink of that cup. For he that eateth and drinketh damnation to himself, not discerning the Lord's body.

In this case, 'unworthily' describes the action of eating and drinking. It is not describing the person who is eating or drinking. So Paul was not saying that if you are an unworthy person, do not partake.  We have construed that teaching and now we tell ourselves (and others) that if you are unworthy, don't partake, or if you have sin in your life, don't take communion lest you get sick and die prematurely.  What was meant to be a blessing was turned into a curse.  Does that make sense?

All of us who come to the Lord's Table are unworthy and made worthy only by His blood.  It is only Jesus' death that qualifies us to partake.  Paul was not saying that we should not partake if we are unworthy. He was saying that we should not partake in an unworthy manner. Partaking unworthily means not recognizing that the broken body of the Lord was meant to bring health and wholeness.  By treating communion as a ritual, by not understanding the significance of the bread, you don't understand the why of taking it.  The manner in which we partake of the bread and the juice will determine whether we experience the benefits of the Lord's body. If our attitude is 'it's just a piece of bread', that's all it will be.  And we will have robbed ourselves of the life-giving effects of the bread at his table.

The Corinthians would come together hungry and when it was time to go to the Lord's Table for communion, it wasn't like what we have now.  We have a very very small piece of a wafer or bread.  Back then they had loaves of bread that they could break a piece off of and if they were hungry they would take a huge piece, not leaving much ofr others. Does that make sense?  And others would guzzle the wine until they became drunk, rather than sipping it in remembrance of Jesus' sacrifice of His blood.

Paul was not saying that if you have sin in your life you cannot partake of the Lord's Table.  He was telling us to partake in the correct manner, which is to recognize that the Lord's body was broken so that ours can be made whole.  Paul was teaching us that we are to discern the power of the Lord's broken body.  He was teaching us that when we fail to discern the body, we should not partake because we are not claiming by faith what Jesus has done for us. And by failing to do so, we make His work on the cross ineffective and powerless as far as we are concerned.

Jesus wants us to take the bread and believe that His body was broken so that our bodies can be made well. And when we discern it that way, we are partaking of the Lord's Table worthily.

Ah - time has gotten away from me.  Perhaps I can continue this line of thinking in the morning.  Or not. Let's see what God gives me to share.  

Blessings!

Feeling a little sore this morning...

 Morgan had me pushing the sled last night plus squats and sit/stands.  Oh - and who can forget the one of leaning against the wall in a sit position (as in sitting in a chair) with a weight on your legs for 30 seconds. Trust me, it is the longest 30 seconds you may ever sit through!  I will confess that I did not go into a total 'sit' position; I was afraid I'd go on down to the floor!  But I did my three sets and between the sled, the lunges, and the squats - yeah, my thighs are starting to burn as I move them this morning.  I was so tired last night that I went to bed just a little after 8PM.  Granted, I normally go to bed at 8:30PM, but I was depressed over some things, and I was tired, so went to bed.

So of course hubby has to come in and ask this morning, "are you still upset over last night?"  Yeah, we had a little conflict last night.  It is so lame I don't even remember this morning what it was.  But he was still wrong, right?  He went for a check-up yesterday.  The doctor told him he does not have dementia or even the start of it.  That's good news.  So I asked hubby then what is with all the forgetfulness, the uncertainty about doing things?  Well, the doctor says that it is just 'old age'.  AND hubby said he had told him that I wanted him to ask the doctor about the dementia, and hubby just knew that the doctor wanted to add "and Nxxx will find out as she gets older".  Excuse me?  He said the doctor didn't say that, but hubby just knew that he wanted to!  I'm offended!!  Or not.  It's like, whatever.  I told Morgan last night the non-diagnosis and she was surprised as she says she can give him an exercise to do and show him how to do it and he will ask her "now what am I supposed to do?"  I laughed and told her I do that as well - but she said no, when I pause before I start is because I want to do it in correct form.  Was she just being nice?  Maybe our definitions are totally wrong.

Yes, I am getting older.  Yes, I do forget things.  Yes, I do get confused on directions at times.  But not to the degree hubby does.  The doctor did tell him he needed to read more, listen to audio books and concentrate on them, and I forget what the other was.  He does read. Occasionally.  It's his darn phone that drives me crazy.  He is listening to all these 'things' political and all on his phone and he will sit for hours and do that.  I don't hear but the screeching of it as it goes into his hearing aids, thank goodness, but it is distracting.  If I listen to a video on my phone, because I don't have hearing aids and he hears it, he will interrupt in the middle of what I'm listening to, to question me about what I'm listening to!  I try to ignore him until I'm through, but he drives me crazy when he does this.  He doesn't get it.  Leave me alone when I'm listening to something!!

Am I crabby this morning?  Don't mean to be.  I am dealing with some depression, I think.  Yes, hubby drives me to this most days, and I can usually get out of it.  Last night I went to bed early.  That's how I deal with it most evenings.  I go to bed early or read, where I can shut the issue out of my mind and in the morning, I'm usually fine.  His words may still sting, but I get over it.  And life goes on.  As the saying goes, until you have walked a mile in my shoes, you have nothing to say.

This morning I have another chiropractor appointment.  It only takes him about 15 minutes to do what he needs to do.  I think he will have me come back for two more visits (to make it a total of 6) and that last two will be next week.  It did not take care of my ocular migraines - I had a dozey the day before - but my neck moves more freely.  I had trouble moving my head very far to the left and now I can move it further.  It's still a little tight so he may work on it today.  At least I know I'm not totally out of alignment bone wise.  And if I do start having back pain again (lower back when I sleep wrong or pick up something real heavy), I have been established as a patient and can easily get in to see him.

One of my devotional books that I am currently using covered how we need to give to God those things that trouble us and ask Him to deal with them.  Oh, trust me, I pray a lot about the things that trouble me and tell Him to do something about them!  But He isn't my genie that I can rub to fix my problems.  And many of the problems, more than likely, aren't even problems except in my own mind.  I often say that I 'Let go and let God' do His thing, but do I really.  

Jeremiah 18:3-6 (NKJV):  Then I went down to the potter's house, and there he was, making something at the wheel. And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter, so he made it again into another vessel, as it seemed good to the potter to make. Then the word of the Lord came to me, saying: "O house of Israel, can I do with you as this potter?" says the Lord.  "Look, as the clay is in the potter's hands, so are you in My hand, O house of Israel."

This is one of my 'favorite' readings in the Bible.  Why?  Because it tells me that God will not give up on me.  As He shapes me into the vessel He wants me to be, sometimes I stick my nose in things it should not be in, I throw out a leg or a hand and mess things up. My clay body becomes distorted, so He has to press me back together and begin to mold me into a better vessel.  I remember this story being used as a teacup.  I remember it, but I'm not sure I remember it all.  But the jest of it is that teacups are made differently; different styles, different sizes, some with beautiful paintings on them, some very plain and even others that have designs in their shape.  It is a reminder that God has made each one of us different in this life.  Some of us are fat, short, tall and thin, and some of us are cranky and irritable all the time, and others overly sweet and blah.  There are so many words to use to describe each one of us.  But we are all made in the image of God, in His image we are made.

God is our potter, and He makes us the way He WANTS us to be.  Unfortunately, we oftentimes will stick our nose, arm or leg out of that perfect mold God made, and we mess things up really bad.  And until we repent and turn back to God and ask Him to 'fix' us, we sure can be a sorry looking cup.  

I have collected teacups and teapots for years.  I don't have a lot of room for them anymore, but I have several on a shelf in my kitchen.  At times I may grab the stool and pull out one of these cups and drink some tea from it.  There are several that are my favorite cups, but none that I consistently choose.  Friends and family have given me teacups over the years and I keep saying I will have a tea party.  Maybe I will this year. It does take planning and preparation, but I do enjoy it.  I'm going to have to think on it.  Hubby is all for me doing it but grumbles at my preparations and all.  It takes the joy away in doing these things - and it is something I need to just get over it.  

And with that rambling, I'm going to hush this morning.  Even though I slept well last night, I'm tired.  I really need a 'free' day.   Alone. Or with someone I want to hang with. Just to play and not think about work or responsibilities or anything.  I think I need a grandma day!!  My grandchildren (and great) bring me such joy when we are together.  Maybe that's what I'm needing.  Will have to think about that.

Have an amazing day and let God mold you into His image.  I'm letting go of 'me' so that He can fill me up, mold me, and use me for His purposes.  How about you?

Blessings!

It could be a long day

 because we didn't go to bed until around 10PM last night.  Why?  Because I was watching a movie when hubby got home and it was at the end.  He didn't remember it, and I liked it well enough to watch it again - so we did.  It's on Up Faith & Family (of course) and it's called Luckless.  It really is a cute movie.  

Got some 'new' coffee yesterday that I had ordered.  From an advertisement, no less.  It's called Ryze and it is a six mushroom combo of coffee.  It's supposed to bring clarity and focus and other good things. Well, I tried the first cup this morning.  (Hubby did too)  It reminds me of the flat, weak coffee that we usually get at a restaurant.  You know what I mean if you drink coffee at a restaurant for breakfast.  Rarely is the coffee good.  (But hubby did say the coffee at First Watch was really good last week.)  We will finish out this coffee batch (even if I'm the only one drinking it.  And since we are making it by the cup, I can have a cup of the Sumatra (deep, dark) if I choose a second cup.  I hope the hype about these work - I sure could use some clarity and focus!  It also had creamer with it, but it does have a few carbs.  May need to use it to see if changes the flavor (or gives it flavor) any.  It's drinkable, don't get me wrong.  But the first cup, although finished, isn't quite what I hoped it would be.  Will give it at least one package (we received two) before giving it a final grade.

Yesterday was a non-busy day again, and I will admit I didn't do much.  I mean, I stayed at the computer and worked on meetings that were given to me, went through emails, etc.  Had a meeting with my favorite boss and that went real well.  It was my review for last year and setting goals for this year. I never got around for setting goals yet for this year (other than retirement), but my boss did give me an 'exceeds expectations' as my 'grade'.  That means I will get a nice raise in another month or so. I forget when they come through.  Which reminds me, hubby asked me about the timing on the raises the other day.  I know he knows part of my check is diverted to my checking account and part to the joint account.  I will give him a 'raise' to the checking account once I see how much I end up with.  I don't expect much as financially things were tough within the company this past year.  But anything is nice.  I still need to set some goals - but what?  Let me know if you think of something that would enhance my job performance.  I'm at a loss, really.  Yes, I could take PowerPoint classes - and yes, I might do that just to get a general idea of presentations.  BUT, in the past when I've taken classes, it was to fulfill a requirement, but then they were never used in my job.  I did notice that my boss put down that my next step would be a promotion - but a promotion to what?   I would like to be given a project and let me 'own' it.  Does that make sense?  

Had one of my ocular migraines yesterday.  I had hoped that the chiropractor had worked on my neck enough that it would eliminate them, but this is the fifth one in three weeks and it was a doozey.  I was even left with a headache after this one.  I am beginning to think they are triggered by my constant looking at the computer.  Does that make sense?  Although I think I've had on the weekend or evening - but still, 40+ hours staring at the computer.... it all starts with like little star lights flickering over whatever I'm looking at.  When I get those I know it is on its way.  Then the jazzed lightning bolt happens and it moves its way across my vision, blocking what I need to see.  Definitely can not read when I get one of those.  It's better I just sit back and let it work its way across.  Takes about 20 minutes for it go away.  Yesterday I was left with a bad enough headache that I laid down for a few minutes.  I'm beginning to think I need to ask for a head scan - perhaps there is something pressing down on my visual vessels?  Or am I just grasping for reasons?  I've had testing on my eyes by my eye specialist; he diagnosed it as ocular migraines and said what I am experiencing is an occurrence for those who get them.  Oh joy.  I don't want to be like everyone else!  I don't want these!  There is no cure; there is nothing to take for it.  It's just a headache and even a pill would not help as it would take at least 20 minutes to be active and by then its gone anyway.  Oh well.  Part of my life for the rest of my life.  At least my neck doesn't feel as tight as it used to.  I have 3 more visits to the chiropractor; 1 tomorrow and 2 next week.  Then I think we're done.  My neck feels a lot better.  I still don't know how he can do what he does, but it must work.

Jeremiah 29:12 (NLT):  In those days when you pray, I will listen.

Yes, I've taken a scripture out of the context, and it can give one pause as to 'what does that mean?'  I think 'those days' can also be likened to 'these days'.  Do you agree?  Maybe I think that because when one prays, one does it with the thought that God would hear them.  Yes, sometimes we feel like our prayers are not going anywhere.  We feel like they hit the ceiling and fall the ground.  I get that.  I feel that way at times as well.  But what that happens, we may need to stop and reflect on our lives, to start with.  Are we living completely for God?  Have we accepted Jesus as Lord of our life?  Would you listen to someone if you were God and the person wasn't following you?  Granted, sometimes God does look down on us in His mercy and grace and answer our prayers.  But, Jesus says, i f you ask ANYTHING in my name then you have it.  Is that true?  Many of us would say no, it's not.  How many times have I prayed, and my prayers were not answered?  How many of you have prayed and your prayers were not answered, and you are following Him?   Many times we have prayed for healing, and it didn't happen.  Yet, there are times that we can pray that all the lights would stay green as we drive down the road and they are.  What's up with that?  Isn't a life more valuable then getting through the lights on the road?  

Of course it is!  But many times when we ask Jesus to heal someone or to do something for us, we ask amiss.  What does that mean?  We ask for what WE want, not for God's will to be done.  Sometimes God's will is to not heal, for that will bring Him greater glory when lives are changed through the un-healing.  Does that make sense?  God sees the bigger picture.  Many times when we lose someone we love and the pain of it seems so unbearable, and God seems so unfair.... but it is in those times that He draws near to you to help you walk the path of healing in the grieving.  It's ok to grieve.  Jesus wept at Lazarus' gravesite.  My heart is still grieving over the loss of my sister, the latest sibling to pass away.  Do I get angry at God because He didn't answer my prayer when I prayed so desperately for her to live?  No, I don't.  Because I know He sees the bigger picture.  I may never know why He didn't answer my pleas and my prayers for her healing.  I truly did believe she would be healed.  But the answer was 'No'.  I don't know why, but it was God's will her life ended.  I will never know the answer as to the why, I will only say that God is still God and He is still in control.  Nothing is too far from Him; His arm is not short.  I will still love Him; I will still trust Him; I will still follow Him; I will still live for Him.  God truly can heal your broken heart.  It doesn't mean that you don't love the person that passed away, but it means only that God's way was better for that one.  Sometimes we have to let go of what we hold on to.  It can change everything.

And with that - it's time to get on the work computer and get started on the day.  I'm tired, and I'm sleepy.  Wonder if I can get a short nap over the lunch time I usually don't take.  Not sure if hubby has a lunch/brunch plan today or not.  Hopefully I will focus on what I need to get done and get it done today. Hope you do as well.

Blessings!

I feel like I'm getting distracted

 moreso in the early mornings that I try to have my time alone with God.  I get started with reading one book, then don't want to put it down, and yet, there is this other book I want to read as well, and then there is my journaling, then there is skimming my emails, then checking my son's blog, then the bank balance, then finally making my way here - and ... well, good thing I write a lot of nonsense for I use up the majority of my time doing other things.  Mainly good things that I will refuse to give up, but still, the time flies by and my heart longs to be free of work again so that I can sit in here for all morning if I so chose.  But, alas, 7AM the work computer must come on and work begins.  I complain about that a lot, don't I?  I will apologize for that (I'm sorry), but that is about all my life is anymore.  Work, read, life with hubby, church, sleep, back to work.  It's a routine.  Do you feel that your life is a routine as well?  Oh mine does change periodically, but still, I long to be free to do other things.  

I think I do not think of the 'other things' because my heart would be so disappointed because I can't do them - for many reasons.  I won't go in to those.  But I long to be a part of something; to be involved; to have a life.  That used to be my favorite saying - "Get a life".  And now I wonder where my life has gone. Yesterday was another 'do nothing' pretty much day.  Oh, I did work, but it wasn't a busy day (and no, I still haven't typed the minutes from last week.  May do it today.)  It was quiet as all bosses were busy on their own stuff.  But it was boring as well.  I didn't do much while sitting here.  I used to grab my crochet and work on it in the down time, but didn't think of it yesterday.  Hubby was home so that may account for some of it.  

Never got my oil painting set up over the weekend like I planned.  Why? Because hubby wants to 'help' set up everything - and I know I will have to allow him to help.  He just doesn't understand I enjoy putting things together, and if he helps, I generally have to help him figure it out anymore.  But, I need to do something and get things the way I want them.  I know he will get mad at me, but while he is at breakfast this morning I want to move the one desk/table into this room and move things around a bit (if I'm caught up with work).  He always gets upset when I do things while he is gone.  Fine. I may not do it while he is at breakfast, but I will be alone tonight. You just watch him specifically tell me NOT to do something while he is with his study tonight.  I don't want fights, but I want to do it myself!!  Or I may just sit down and work on my diamond art project again.  Notice one that I ordered recently will be here possibly today. Won't start on it until I finish the one I'm working on.  I just don't have room to leave everything out that I enjoy working on.  Still working on the baby quilts.  

Nothing exciting going on today.  At least that I can think of.  Other than hubby will be gone for a couple hours this morning.  I will be working so that he can enjoy breakfasts out with his friends.  Rolling my eyes. LOL  Maybe I will get in touch with one of my friends and ask if she wants to do lunch today.  Haven't seen her since before Christmas.  She has a hearing problem so we rarely talk on the phone. And, neither of us text that much to each other anyway.  Maybe I will see if she is available.  We generally meet at Jack in the Box because restaurants are so expensive anymore.  $3.99 for coffee or soda is ridiculous!  Of course I can't have the bun, but I can ask them to leave the bun off.  Or get a salad. Will see.  I've lost a few pounds on this new eating plan; not enough for me, of course, and I have a long ways to go, but still, a pound is a pound.  Our trainer said she could tell in hubby's face that he had lost weight.  Sigh.  She didn't say anything about me.  But I think my tummy has shrunk at least an inch.  That is what I want.  Get rid of my tummy and my butt.  

Romans 8:38 (NLT):  And I am convinced that nothing can every separate us from God's love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow--not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love.

So many things come against us and try to convince us that we are so bad, so sinful, that God could never love us.  But they are all wrong.  Nothing can separate us from God's love.  No matter what we do, no matter what we say, God loves us.  God loves YOU.  Do you realize how great His love is for you?  Think back over your life; do you not see His hand upon you?

I was reading this morning how God takes the hard things, the tough things, the painful things in our lives and can turn them for our good.  My daughter and I were talking about that last night.  God took my divorce and remarriage and brought us to Arizona.  Some grumble about the heat, but overall, we all love the warmth.  But, here in Arizona, my children found the love of their life.  We have beautiful grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.  If the bad stuff had not happened, we more than likely would not be here, they would not have met these spouses, and would not have had these wonderful grandchildren ... and great-grandchildren.  True, there may have been others in their place had we stayed where we were, but it gets cold there!!  

Thinking about the cold, I talked with my little brother some yesterday.  He got a day off of radiation because of it being a 'holiday'.  He still has had no side effects from the radiation or chemo, although he has been pretty tired.  I'm praying that the radiation and chemo he does receive works to combat the cancer in his lung.  I'm not ready to lose another sibling.  The pain of losing my older sister still hurts deeply and I miss her a lot.  Of my siblings, I am probably the one with the best health.  Then my older brother.  But my two younger ones have medical issues.  My little brother Stg 4 lung cancer and my little sister tells me she has stage 3 kidney disease.  That one confuses me.  She says she has had it for years.  But she doesn't take medication for it. She doesn't get any treatment for it.  In fact, she doesn't even talk about it and until she brought it up recently, I had forgotten about it - if she had even told me 'way back when' as she said she did.  And she could have.  I don't get it.  If you have a kidney disease, wouldn't you need some kind of treatment to combat it?  She takes nothing for it.  I looked it up and there is such a thing, but do you just leave it alone?  It makes no sense to me. If something is wrong, I want it fixed!   Anyway, grateful that God has thus far kept me healthy and strong.  I've surrendered my life, my body to Him.  He can do anything with it, He can allow anything with it - to happen as He wills.  As long as He gets all the glory, that is all that matters.

And with that - I'm going to hush and jump in the shower.  I seem to be off the wall rambling again. My thoughts fall out and over the edge.  My heart is longing for more, but more of what?  Where can I run and hide? Where can I step back and be quiet for as long as I want? When can I be me, and be free?  Only by the grace of God I live.  Only in Him am I free.

Blessings!

Slow to start, quick to finish?

 This has been a tough morning.  I didn't sleep much last night. This time not because I was too warm, but because I did not do anything yesterday.  Well, not that I had to exert any effort.  We went to church, as I mentioned in my late post yesterday.  We went to lunch.  We came home and changed clothes - and we read for a large part of the afternoon. As in my body was not moving; it was on the couch in a comfortable position, reading.  And enjoying the quiet.  I fixed dinner.  No great thing there.  We went back to reading, then watched a movie while I crochet'd, then read a bit more and went to bed.  And I was wide awake. The body had gotten so very little movement that it wasn't tired.  So I tossed and turned most of the night.  Because hubby hadn't napped yesterday, that I'm aware of, he did sleep.   Then a bit after midnight I dozed... awake a couple more times; the alarm goes off at 4AM.  No, I don't want to get up.  I doze until 4:30AM and finally get up.  I come in here... hubby brings the coffee in, and although I did reading and my journaling, every time I paused... I wanted tog o back to sleep.  And here it is going on 7AM when I need to get on my computer, and I'm writing in here, and I am still sleepy and want to curl up in a ball and go back to sleep.  It may be a very long day.  I may have to take breaks and nap - but then again, even if I am sleepy, that is a rare thing.

I have another 8:30AM appointment with the chiropractor - ad he is about 3 minutes away and only takes about 15 minutes - but maybe it will be enough to get me woke up.  Another cup of coffee is on the agenda as well.  Coffee has been boring and weak lately so I ordered some coffee - mushroom coffee, no less - from an ad on Facebook.  I need to quit ordering off of facebook!!  It should be arriving soon - I sure do hope that I like it!  I think today - which is organic French Roast and hubby added some cinnamon to it - I think he didn't put enough coffee in it, for it takes like colored water.  I may need to ask him to add another tablespoon or two.  No, I'm not 'allowed' to make the coffee. That's his 'job'.  Sigh.

As far as I know, there isn't much on the agenda for today with work, but then I haven't looked at my computer yet today.  I'll get up and turn it on shortly.  I have the chiropractor this morning and my gym training this afternoon.  I am going to call the dermatologist's office today and see if I can get in.  Those darn bug bites from last October still bother me at times and they should be completely healed up by now - and are not.  Something is going on in my thigh that causes pain - and I have had this pain off and on since the night I got the bug bites.  We never have figured out what the bug bites were - in the beginning, if you recall, we thought it was bedbugs - but it is all gathered together in one area, which is unusual.  But it still could be, I guess.  The urgent care 'doctor' of not use said scorpion bites - but my dermatologist back then did not voice an opinion.  He has since retired and his son has the practice.  My daughter, who also goes there, says the son is more attentive and knows a bit more.  I'm willing for him to take a look at these and see if he can figure it out.  

Yeah, I tried to go to my medical doctor twice now.  Back last Thanksgiving time one of the spots had swollen up and turned red about the size of a nickel - so I tried to get in - no appointments available for 2-3 weeks.  So I just said nevermind.  I tried again about a month ago to get in to see her - and was told she had no time for a week or more, but I asked to go ahead and get an appointment and explained why.  Two days later I got a call from someone at her office who told me she didn't have any available time, and I should go to my dermatologist.  I repeated her words back to me.   "It's a skin issue so go to your dermatologist."  It's not just a skin issue to me - there is something going on inside of my leg from the bug bites that causes my thigh to ache.  That would be medical, would it not?  Anyway, I'm disillusioned about going back to this doctor and am thinking about seeking yet another PCP who I feel can see me.  I had chatted with this doctor on our portal and told her I was going to come in and see if she could look at the bites.  She responded to me that was fine (and I told her person that!! But she wouldn't give me an appointment.  I haven't written anymore on the portal.  I'm pouting.  She really hasn't done much for me in three years - I get the blood work and she adjusted my levothyroxine the last time. Everything else is the same. She listens to my heart beat and sends me on my way.  I asked for an EKG and a chest x-ray the last time, but for some reason it was 'too late' to order them (why is that?) so would do it this year.   Wow - am I complaining this morning or what??!!  Why can I not find a medical doctor who cared about me as much as the one I had for 30+ years who had me always taking tests every few years to make sure I was ok?!  I may beg his son who took the practice to take me on - but the offices have moved and it is further away a bit.  Hubby still goes to the son.  His son didn't want to take me on - can you imagine?  I'm 'easy money' since I only go once a year as a rule.

Anyway - on to other thoughts - but I don't have any.  Eight minutes.  I need to get up and turn on the computer and let it start warming up.  I did have some things I could write about, but no time to do that today.  Maybe I could remember to do it tomorrow.   

Hubby has no doctor appointments this week and has two breakfasts on the schedule, I think. I hope he will go to his Bible study this Friday.  We have been together 24x7 for a few days now... it really hasn't been too bad.  I guess because I didn't go do a project and leave him out of it; I read in the front room with him.  Got a couple books going and one on my kindle.  I may finish that one tonight, it is pretty good.  But, don't know how long it is.  

I have nothing to write at the moment - my eyes are on the clock.  Stay tuned... maybe I will think of something fantastic to write about tomorrow.  O not.  Same O Same O I am sure it will be.  In the meantime, you have a fantastic day!

Blessings!

Ah... did you wonder?

 Today was a little bit different - in a good way - from 'normal'.  But then, what is normal, anyway?  We 'slept in' until about 5:30AM.  I had a wakened two or three times during the night because I was too warm. Not too sure why. I questioned my hubby about did he turn down the thermostat, and he said yes, so I will have to blame the pajamas I had on as keeping me too warm under the covers.  I know of two times I threw off the covers and slept without any covers, I was so warm.  Note to self; wear a lighter pair of jammies tonight.  

With getting up later, we both still did part of our quiet time, but again, had to stop around 7AM to get ready for church.  We did something we don't normally do - we went back to the RV park today for church. Why? Because on Friday a friend from there called and asked if I would take her place in the choir, and because she was doing a monologue of the woman at the well.  Remember that story in the Bible?  Look it up.  I'm not checking, but I would imagine it is in Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John.  I think it was Luke it was read out of today.  Anyway - she did a monologue and I/we wanted to see it.  When we got there and saw her, I gave her a hug and asked to pray over her.  She said "I asked you to come for I was hoping you would pray over me!"  Sweet.  So yes, I prayed over her and her monologue was perfect.  It was moving and good.  Shortly after church was over, we acted just like 'normal' people going to church, we walked through the line, told her she did a good job, and we got out of there.  

Hubby took me to Fast Eddies for breakfast since we didn't go out for Valentine's Day.  The food wasn't that bad, but jiminy Christmas!  The prices are high!  Coffee was $3.99 - and it was like drinking hot water.  The Denver omelet we both had (1/2 size) was good, and I got the hash browns (not fried long enough for me - I like crispy) and hubby asked for sliced tomatoes and toast.  $13.99 each!  So our bill was over $40 by the time we threw in a tip - for breakfast!!  Yeah, won't be doing that again any time soon.  Hubby said it was $2-3 more than at Times Square where he meets the guys on Fridays.  We may do that one next time.  But the food was more than enough. No, I didn't eat all the hash browns, but only those that had 'crispy' and cheese on it.  That will keep me from having to cook lunch - and we will move into dinner around 4-5PM.  We do enjoy eating early, but often eat later when we meet friends.

Anyway - this morning I ran out of time to get this typed up so after we left Fast Eddies, I was thirsting for a diet soda - so we swung into McDonald's to get us both a soda and headed home.  Hubby hadn't finished his quiet time either so we both have been in our time alone with God for a couple hours.  I'm obviously finished now with my reading and prayers so here I am. Lucky you, huh.  Once I finish this, it's back on the couch or find something to do.  I really do need to put that easel together and move the desk in here, and get the stool together and put the oil painting on the canvas.... I don't see either of us working on it anytime soon, but I love getting new projects to expand my horizon to work on.  I never would have worked on crocheting or knitting had my daughter and granddaughter not wanted to get started in it and we learned together (lucky I knew of my friend Lori and her love of knitting).  I would never have worked on the diamond art projects I'm working on (or worked on) if my big brother had not sent me a very large last supper to complete (which I do as my daughter comes over on Tuesday nights). I also got some fun ones from my granddaughter for Christmas to complete.  I'm working on yet another Santa Clause for me (no, not my son - I gave that one I made to him for Christmas) to hang on my wall at Christmastime.  I have a Christmas tree I want to do as well.  I really do enjoy doing these art projects; so much fun.  And, the latest one, the oil painting, was a gift from my big brother as well.  It is a very large print of hubby, me, and my big brother.  I have no idea where I can hang it (seems like I have shared this before) but perhaps in here.  Until my sister comes to visit and then I will have to 'hide' it.  Sigh. I wish they had a relationship, but you can only burn someone so many times and then they block the door for you to come in.  And I will leave that there.  Me, I'm a glutton for punishment, I think, for I keep the door open for more.  If I ever go back there and visit and go visit my big brother, it will once again be nails thrown at me.  For right now, I'm the 'best friend'.  

So here I am rambling about nothing and trying to think about what to write. Most have probably given up on me writing today. Won't they be surprised tomorrow?!  I love that I can (most of the time) share what is on my heart and mind.  This is my blog to share what is hurting me, what is making me smile, and just how my walk with God is going.  Sometimes it is rocky, and sometimes it is smooth sailing.  I'm working on that.  

God is so good to me and so gracious and forgiving.  I have done many things that I am ashamed of. Many things that I truly regret, and although I know God forgives me and never reminds me of those sins - calling them what they are - the devil likes to bring the thoughts back to my mind frequently and accuse me again and again of the wrong things I've done.  I often remind him that he was defeated and sent to hell so get out of my mind.   I truly want to walk closely with Jesus every moment of my life. Not saying I won't make wrong choices (again - He knows I have made many wrong choices) - but if I would go to Him first and ask Him about them, I'm sure He will direct my path.  That's what we all should do.  I am so grateful for His grace, which I do not deserve.  And neither do you.  None of us deserve the grace that God gives us - when we confess our sins to Him and ask for forgiveness.  It's not God just giving us grace every time we do something wrong, we need to confess what we have done and ask His forgiveness.  We need to clean up our act!  I'm really trying hard - but if you have read in here for any length of time, you know I have my stubborn streak and someone gets on my nerves frequently.  

Just like we have to forgive those family members who do things that hurt us and make us angry, we have to forgive ourselves for the things we have done.  We all fall short of the glory of God - me included.  In my mind, I am the worst sinner; but God in His grace looked down upon me and made me His.  I will be forever grateful for that.  He took all my sins away, and He will walk with me as I stay with Him.  He will do that for you as well; you just need to ask Him to.

A day of rest, hubby says, is today.  I usually tell him that when he wants to do laundry on Sunday.  So he doesn't.  But I still have to cook most Sundays - so is it really a day of rest?  No worries; I love to cook and even when I don't 'want' to - I can fix a decent meal.  We have cut way back on our eating and even the smallest amount fills us both us.  I lost another 1/2 pound - not sure of what my total is right now.  Hubby said he lost .2.  Now he does eat a bit more than I do - but I cheat more than he does.  I dared to tell him I allowed myself one cookie a day if I choose to have one.  So we both had one Trefoil yesterday.  If I eat it, it must be ok, right?  LOL

And with all that rambling, I am going to get off here and head into the other room.  Been in here a couple hours and I know hubby is waiting on me to come out.  Grateful he gives me time in here alone so that I can read and type in here.  Hope that your day is going well.

Blessings!