Looking forward to breakfast!

 I am having breakfast with my oldest son this morning - and maybe his wife - and maybe his youngest son.  I always look forward to spending time with him and over breakfast satisfies us both!  Hubby is disappointed he wasn't included - but this all started because I had put a note in the three children's stockings that I wanted 1:1 time with each one of them once a quarter.  That's all I asked.  Go for a coffee or a coke; go for a walk; just let me spend some time with you.

My youngest son did it once or twice, I think - but I have fallen by the wayside with his many years of troubled times.  He STILL could make time for me... but well, won't go there.  All I can do is pray for him.

My oldest son remembers and I could probably say we do meet up at least once a quarter - and sometimes more.  I love it when he stops by just for a short visit.  And I love it when I get to meet him for breakfast (like this morning), or for lunch or dinner.  I get what I ask for; time with him, and sometimes a bonus of getting to be with his family too.  I always look forward to these times of memories.   Yeah, this morning I get to meet for breakfast and it's at a place I haven't gone to before - so that's a real treat.  He did give me a choice but thought I'd try something new.  Hubby is disappointed he isn't included, but we don't always leave him out.... sometimes a mama just needs to have time with her boy.  Besides, he goes out to breakfast usually 3 x a week now.  He keeps asking 'what did I do that makes him not want to spend time with me too?' and I just tell him sometimes a mama and her boy need that time.

Last night we had a surprise.... well, we let it be a surprise to the hubby.  Daughter invited us over for dinner and I asked questions so knew... but hubby didn't.  He only knew we were going for dinner.  But shortly after we arrived, our grandson came in.  Yep, he flew in for a friends' wedding and will be heading back out on Sunday.  We probably won't see him again until Christmas, when he will be coming back with his wife for the holiday.  Because hubby didn't really look up when he walked in, he didn't recognize who it was, and he commented about it ... but I believe it is just because he didn't raise his head to look at his face.  I recognized the voice too as he came in the door, but apparently hubby didn't hear or recognize.  Just another quirk that makes us sometimes nervous.  

And, I'm finding that when he isn't sure about things, he gets more stubborn about it.  Like directions. He tells me how he is going to go somewhere. Not that I care which direction we go, just that we get there.  Like last night, he says, instead of the usual way we go - I'm going to go Bell to 59th Ave to Northern.  Ok.  I commented that sometimes it's easier to get out of the Bell traffic and just take 75th down to Grand and over... or take Cactus or Olive..... and oh my... he turned on 75th and made the decision he would turn at Cactus and nothing could change his mind.  Not that I tried. But it was the tone and way he stated that was the way we were going - same with coming home.  He told me how he was going to come back home.  It's like it is confirmation in his mind he is going the right way?   We haven't really discussed directions until these past few months.... could he be forgetting how to get places and just needs to reaffirm he knows?  Yeah, it can get scary.  And I'm trying to be patient with him. 

My granddaughter (daughter of my oldest son) sent me a sweet text last night.  It warmed my heart.  I don't get to see her often and hope to get back down to see them since it is getting cooler, but it may be doubtful as hubby isn't inclined to let me drive at times.  Anyway - she text'd me that every time she goes to a fabric shop she remembers the times she and I would go looking for fabric and that I taught her to hand sew.  That was when I learned how to make 'cheater's quilts' and stitched them all by hand. I have made one for each of my grandchildren, and most of the great-grandchildren.  I know of one that got destroyed when bleach, I think it was, got on it.  If I ever see Nemo material again... now that could be a good surprise for Christmas for him!  I'll have to make an effort to find Nemo material. He may be embarrassed, but Nemo was his favorite when I made his quilt!   

I've been looking at material lately with the thoughts of wanting to make quilts again - but my fingers start to hurt after awhile.  I can't wear many of my rings anymore because my knuckles have enlarged with the arthritis in my fingers.  I get by with a small band on my ring finger so taht hubby is happy. Heaven forbid someone would think I was single!!  LOL

And, I'm running out of time this morning with all my rambling.  I need to stop and start getting presentable to meet my son for breakfast.  I'm sure he wouldn't want me arriving in my jammies and barefoot!  Sure hope they have good coffee there.  He mentioned they have great food... but he didn't mentiont he coffee.  Guess I will find out!

Hope that you have an amazing day - tomorrow is Jailbreak Getaway after church - I am getting so excited!  Guess I'll start my packing when I get back home.  YAYYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!   And yes, I'm taking my computer.

Blessings!

I think he may have been right...

 I sent a question to my oldest son not long ago about the stats on these blogs as mine had all of a sudden shot way, way, up as far as views, etc.  I'm used to 2-3 people reading this, and I'm sure they are all family. I know only of one and possibly two that read on a fairly regular basis.  So to see a high number was quite out of sync for this blog.  I asked the question to him, as he is far more knowledgeable about these blogs than I am; after all, he set me up way back when.  He mentioned something about bots (whatever they are) and gave a vague explanation. (Ok, maybe I just didn't understand the jargon)  But then he responded recently that he has seen the same thing on HIS blog, and he reaches far more people than I do.  In the meantime, as I looked at the numbers on here this morning, I am getting back to my normal 3 or so.  And that's ok.  I share way too much family inforation on here for it to go out to the world.  Right?

I hear hubby getting ready for his Bible study this morning.  He will be gone until about 10-10:30AM I think.  Since it is a breakfast study, he won't be following it up with lunch with a friend.  He will come back home and do whatever he needs/wants to do.  And I have a couple hours of quiet. Yes, I'm still working.... but I may take a break and go sit outside as it is so nice in the morning.  In fact, yesterday, hubby fussed at me... he came in about 8AM and 'suggested' I come outside and sit since it is so nice out. I just looked at him and responded "I'm working" (and I really was working on something!) - and he got irritated with me!  "I know you are working!"  and walked off, commenting as he left, "I'll go on out by myself!"  Ok then!  I finished what I was doing and made sure nothing was going on I needed to immediately attend to, grabbed a dishcloth I was working on (crochet) and went outside to sit with him - which made him happy.  So he started telling me the news he had read on his phone (sigh.  I really don't care about politics).  I stayed out about ten minutes or so and finally told him I needed to come back in to work and he was happy.  I had come sit with him.  In my mind I was thinking, 'well, if I wasn't working, I could stay out much longer!' but I kept my mouth shut.

We met friends for dinner at Macayo's last night.  And, for some reason, I wasn't hungry and nothing really sounded good... but I got a chimi de macayo - which is a burror stuffed with chicken.  I enjoyed the refried beans much more and only ate maybe half of the burro before asking for a box.  Then all evening I could taste the burro.  Guess my body really didn't want it.  Garcia's has my favorite - the Pollo Fundido which I love.  There is another place in Glendale that I like to go to and they have my Pollo Fundido and even give TWO - of which I can only eat one.  But I still enjoy the refried beans more.  I like taking the chips and scooping up the refried beans and eating them.  Just one of my little quirks. :-)

Tonight we have been invited to my daughter's for dinner... I know why - but hubby doesn't.  The grandson is doing a weekend turnaround and will be coming in tonight. He has a friend's wedding he is attending tomorrow then will be heading back.  Hubby will be surprised.  It will be good to see him - as it is whenever I get to see ANY of my grandchildren.  There are a couple I usually only see at Christmas. Literally.  I need to make more of an effort to see them all.

Sigh.  Hubby just came in to tell me 'bye'.. and asked if I had seen that a California senator had died (yes, I saw it when I checked emails). Then he asked if I had seen the drunken triade one of my boys had put on facebook.  (no, I don't get on facebook in the mornings). When I said no, he told me 'well don't'.  So you know that I will have to check it sometime this morning... but not now.  Until he wants to quit drinking... no pill or shot is going to do it for him.  And most times when he drinks, he sends me a text of which when questioned, he doesn't remember sending it... or he writes some triade on facebook, for the world to see... and causes sorrow and shame to come over me and hubby.  Enough of that.  

Romans 5:1-2 (NKJV):  "Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we also have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God."

We all remember the chorus "Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so. Little ones to Him belong, they are weak, but He is strong.  Yes, Jesus loves me.  Yes, Jesus loves me.  Yes, Jesus loves me. The Bible tells me so."

But do you believe it?  Do you really believe that Jesus loves YOU.  You, in spite of all your failures, all your quirks, all your falling out... do you believe that Jesus still loves you?  I want to tell you, YES, He does.  In spite of all our sins, in spite of all our failures.  In spite of all the temptations we fall into... Jesus still loves you.  And He still loves me.  You have no idea how many times I have fallen on my face and asked forgiveness.  But trust me, it does happen frequesntly.  Why?  Because even though I try to live a godly life, I cannot do it in my own power.  Wrong thoughts come. Wrong actions sometimes follow (thank goodness, not always).  And what does Jesus do whenever I confess these things to Him?

He offers me His grace.  I don't deserve it.  I don't deserve anything from Him.  But when I confess to Him my sins, my wrong thoughts, my attitude, etc., He always offers me grace.  Why?  Becaues He loves me so much that He went to the cross to die for me.  And on that cross, my sins were nailed.

And so were yours.  He loves you so much that he loves you even in your sins... and He will offer you grace when you confess them to Him.  By faith, we have access to the most high God through Jesus Christ.  He will help us get through any fire thrown at us.  We may think we are at peace right now... but the devil doesn't like us in peace so will do all he can to tear us down.  But we have Jesus on our side, and when we turn to Him, we access by faith His grace and in that grace we can stand against the devil himself.

So grateful for His grace.  Take a moment and just reflect on how far you have come... and feel the peace of His grace fall upon you.

Blessings!

A quiet Thursday, and a thought of rain...

 Sigh.  I don't think hubby has ANYthing going on today, which will mean he will be home all day.  He will sit at his computer most of the morning, changing scenery to the kitchen table with his phone if he fixes himself breakfast.  Then maybe back to the computer for awhile.  Then he will have lunch; sit with his phone, then the TV will come on.  Best move I ever made was buying the wireless headsets for the TV - he can watch/sleep/listen and I don't hear a thing.  I don't even know the TV is on unless I walk by that hallway and see it on.  And that's ok.  

I had my last training session for the week last night - and I just wasn't feeling it - but he kept pushing me.  Besides shaking legs, my biceps/tricepts felt like they were swollen.  I had to do... squats, lunges, leg press, hamstring press, another leg press machine..... I begged off one of the machines.... and then we did 3 different tricep exercises and 2 bicep - 4 sets of 15 reps each!  But I did manage to walk out of the gym on wobbling legs.  No more trainer until next Wednesday, assuming I will be back from my Jailbreak Getaway in time.  He's heading to Chicago with his girlfriend for the weekend so he will be gone until next Wednesday as well.  Good timing on my part - or his part, I guess.  I'm hoping hubby and I can get over to the gym maybe Friday and get a quick workout in ... still would like to go three times a week instead of just two - but it is what it is.  Laziness sets in.  I got home and sat down... didn't want to move.  Finally hubby fixed himself a sandwich for dinner and I fixed myself some leftover roast beef.  That was dinner.  He survived and so did I.  

My boss is back from Colorado so today may be a bit more busy than it has been.  And the other is gearing up for a cruise next week so he will be sending things to get done before he leaves.  Oh joy.  At least it keeps me busy.  I have already completed the first of the month reports I need to submit - got those out of the way.  Now I need to focus on getting meeting series on the calendars for next year.  Always some busy work to do.

Two more days before I get to have lunch with my oldest son - looking forward to it.  He suggested a restaurant that I haven't been to before, but I know he has, and he has found them favorable with the food. I agreed with that restaurant and am looking forward to seeing him and spending time with him.  And anyone else who should happen to come with him - if they do.  Love hanging out with family.

Hosea 6:3 "He will come to us like the rain, like the spring rain watering the earth."

We don't see much of rain out here, but have you ever paused to look at the sky when it is forming rainclouds?  You watch the white clouds turn grey, then a darker gray (is it grey or gray?)  Sometimes it cools the temperature enough that you want to go sit outside and enjoy that respite of coolness....with one eye on the clouds themselves.  Oh that we will enjoy the fullness of Him as we sit there!

Sometimes there are sprinkles as a warning the rain is coming.  A drop here... a drop there.... and out here it then usually stops.... but elsewhere, it may all of a sudden become a downpour.  I wonder if some people appreciate the rain?  Of course the areas that have become flooded have not, when they expect flooding, I'm sure the rain bursting from heaven brings fear.  But when it is a soft steady rain, does that bring a bit of peace to your soul?

There have been many times out here that we actually PRAY for rain to happen.  Everything is dry; especially this year all my plants have died - even the new cactus plants I spent a large sum on died and I had to throw them away.  Now mind you, I actually blame hubby for that.  He refuses to 'allow' me to water the plants (so I do sometimes when he is at one of his breakfasts)... he will water the plants, but on HIS schedule.... I tell him at least every other day, give the plants SOME WATER!!  He will eventually water the plants and soak them.... instead of maybe soaking once a week and then lightly watering ... no, let's soak every time - which could be once every week - and he gets after me that we need new plants (in other words, I need to go buy more plants).  I bought the cactus for the back because they don't need much water.  The neighbor told him not to overwater them, about every other week water them - so he went three weeks, I think.... and of course the cactus died.  He's pushing for me to buy more plants - and right now, I'm not going to.  I'll wait until it gets cooler and will buy something to put in the pots.  It's MY fault they die, you know.... cause he does water them... ugh.  I have gotten off topic.

Why is it that some times we will pray for rain, sitting outside and watching clouds, feeling the coolness of the air - but as soon as it starts to rain steadily.... what do we do?  We take off to run for cover!  But what if we stood up, opened our arms up to heaven and thank God for sending the rain in answer to prayers made?  What if we embraced the pleasure He is sending us with the rain?  The cloud cover, the coolness of the air, the rain.  I love to walk in the rain; I don't care if I get wet.  I don't usually get an opportunity to do so, but I remember as a child of playing in the rain.  

Mama's house has a runoff down the side of the house when it rained... and the kids loved to run and slide through it down the yard.  I have a photo of them playing in it somewhere - unless one of the children have already laid claim to it.  I still have several photos to give to them... but I think at this point I will make the choices on who gets which one.  At least I got rid of several photos when they came over one time.  I still have photos printed.  Why?  Because if they stay on the phone - or even get downloaded to the computer - who would ever see them?  I just haven't put in albums.  I gave all my creative memory papers, bag, scissors, etc. to my granddaughter who does create these beautiful albums a few years back.  Maybe that is what I ought to do - start over and do it again.  If I had spare time, I guess.  I do need to re-evaluate what I do with my 'free' time.

Here is a challenge - and a prayer for you - the next time it rains.  Go stand or sit outside and let it rain on you.  (without the thundering and lightening)  Stand beneath the pouring heavens and open your arms wide and turn your face heavenward.  And then pray this prayer...

"Lord, let it rain. And when it does, give me the courage to stand under the heavens with my arms outstretched to Your work. Cause me to be willing to go where You take me, even if the path is uncomfortable or unfamiliar. Tear down any manmade obstacles that keep me from seeing You fully. Open my heart to receive any thing that draws me closer to You.  Let me be drenched by Your Spirit.  Please forgive me for running back to the familiar comforts that take me away from you.  Send rain, Lord, I'm waiting, and watching, drench me in You. Amen"

Be  open and waiting and willing.... and see what God will do in you.

Blessings!

It had to be the Coke Zero....

 I rarely drink soda anymore.  I really do prefer my water, but occasionally I will drink ice tea or hot tea as well.  Last night while out with my daughter for our 'girls night out', we went to a deli and I decided to have a soda.  I got Coke Zero.  No sugar. I've gotten to where - other than chocolate - I steer away from sugary stuff.  Anyway... I only had one glass, but I am guessing that is the one glass that kept waking me last night.  I just checked my 'sleep rhythm' on my phone... my watch tracks my sleep.... and I do not believe it any more than I believe there is a man in the moon!  You know how I'm always telling hubby to quit basing how he feels in the morning on how many times his fitbit tells him he was awake!  Mine is showing me this morning that I was 'awake' 9 times during the night.  I knew I was awake a lot... and as I laid there awake, I realized that I had drank caffeine.  After 5PM.  Something I don't normally do.  Used to be that I could drink tea and sodas even 8-9PM - but since I drink coffee in the morning, that is usually my caffeine for the day.  Sometimes if we go to McAllister's Deli, I will drink a diet coke but it's usually noon when I do so.  Besides, when they are charging over $3.49 for a drink (and sometimes coffee too!) it is better to stick with water and not pay it.  Hubby 99% of the time will ask for raspberry tea and it irritates me if I'm paying the bill.  I find it stupid to pay that much for a drink five years ago we were paying maybe a dollar for.  The glasses haven't gotten bigger.  Just more expensive.  Ok - enough of that.

It's Wednesday and 'hump day'.  On the agenda today is work, of course, and at 5PM I have my workout at the gym.  I see I already have several work emails and I will attend to them in a bit.  Other than that, today may be fairly quiet.  Hubby has an 8AM gym time, and then he is meeting a friend for breakfast.  It will close to 11AM before he gets home.   His Bible study started back up officially yesterday so he was gone about 8:30 for that - and then out to lunch with a friend - then he stopped to pay a couple bills (he just won't pay them online but will go take a check to their location and pay it - what ever).... so didn't get home until about 1PM.  I enjoyed my quiet time, yes, although I was working.

Sorta, that is.  With one boss in Colorado (she comes back this afternoon) and the other busy, and the doctors I'm covering only had me do one thing yesterday - cancel a meeting - that it was a very quiet afternoon - and I finished a baby blanket I was working on.  Hey!  It's better than just sitting here!  Of course I could have done some work that I should do... and may work on today... but I wasn't feeling like working.  I did what needed to be done... but today I need to do more.  

Matthew 6:33 (NKJV):  "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you."

That is one of my favorite verses in the Bible.  Why?  Becuase it assures me that when I seek God first in ALL things, He will supply all that I need.  Always.  Forever.  And He has never disappointed me.  I was sitting here this morning and reading a couple devotionals when the words 'Holy Desperation' came to me.  And I had to stop and sit back and think about those words.

Holy Desperation. Of course I am thinking of God in this respect, and I thought about a Holy Desperation for God.  When was the last time that I sought after God with such intensity that nothing satisfied me until I found the answer?  I must confess, I think it has been awhile, and I am ashamed to admit that.  I have often, lately, prayed that God would fill me with a hunger and a passion to know Him more.  I want to just want more of Jesus.  Not just know Him, but to be passionate about Him and want to know Him more and more.

In fact, the words Holy Despseration struck me enough that I grabbed a tablet of paper and wrote down those words for a sermon title.  

Deuteronomy 4:29 (NKJV):  "But from there you will seek the Lord your God, and you will find Him if you seek Him with all of your heart and with all of your soul."

When was the last time you sought God for anything?  Was it when someone was sick and you wanted them well?  Was it when you wanted a specific job and you really, really wanted it - enough to pray for it?  

When was the last time you sought God - really sought Him - just to know Him?

That is the quest I am on.  I want to know God and make Him known.  And I can't really share God if I don't really know Him, can I?  Oh yes, I read my Bible nearly daily.  But I have gotten lax in studying - and there is the difference.  Studying to know more of Him is different than just reading about Him.  Oh I know that the Bible is the best instruction book there is!  But ....  it helps to read other books to understand more about Him.  Make sense?  

When I was teaching classes, I was always studying and working on tasks to teach... and it was such a learning thing for me.  And I miss that.  I still have done a couple workbooks on my own, but I miss the interaction as well.  I haven't heard back on Discipleship nor any of the workbooks I passed on to one of the leaders of the church.  As I've mentioned before, I'm not really wanting to lead a group of women only, for I strongly feel that men should be allowed to learn as well.  Why?

Because the men are the spiritual leaders of their home - or they should be, according to God's Word - and so many men fail in that respect.  They need to learn for themselves and step up to lead their families towards Jesus.  Hubby once said that he watched me and how I changed, and that made him want to know Jesus (this was years ago).  And he studies in three different Bible studies each week.  And if he can grasp from these classes how to live for Jesus and lead like Jesus, he will be doing what he is called to do.  The wife should not be the one setting the spiritual tone in the home.  The husband is to be the spiritual leader and the head of the family.  Some friends of mine have shown what that looks like.... and it makes me wistful.  And that's all I'll say about that.

I need to get over and drive Ms. Amy's car some time today - it's been several weeks and I'm supposed to drive it fairly often.  I just don't think about it.  I need to go to the drugstore for a birthday card for my boss... perhaps I'll drive it there today.  Give me a break from work as well.  Which reminds me, I got a text the other day the daughter of Ms. Amy and her husband will be here on the 14th.  Then the movers will take the rest of the furniture they want to keep that following Thursday... and then once they are gone, it should be put up for sale.  I hope we will get some nice neighbors; perhaps a woman my age who is healthy enough to go walking when it's nice.  It would be nice to have a friend to do things with close by.  

I need to get off here and jump in the shower and get ready for today. But I will leave you with this question.....  

When was the last time you had a Holy Desperation to know God?  

Maybe it's time .....

Blessings!

I have an excuse...

 but not sure how it will 'fly'/  We went to bed a little later than usual... a little after 1AM hubby flip-flopped in bed or did something that woke me from a deep sleep - and gave me a headache.  A bad one.  I didn't sleep well after that - if at all - and when I came in here at 4AM and sat back in my chair, prepared to do my reading, hubby brought in my coffee...... and I fell back to sleep. I have slept over an hour, I think.... with my neck off the neck pillow and hanging off to the side, so now not only do I still have the headache... I have a neck ache too!  And the rest of the body will be hurting today because I went to the gym last night and my trainer 'hurt me' by making me do these exercises!  Is that enough whining this morning?  Yeah, I didn't think you'd go with those excuses too much.  Even thought they are all true.

So this may be short and 'sweet'.... I've got about 15 minutes before I need to be on the work computer and although I could 'wait' and let this be late and put something smart and creative on here (are my blogs ever smart and creative?  Don't answer that), I chose to go ahead and type something cause I didn't know if I could get back to it of not.  Now I'm rambling, huh.

I've already looked and I have over 20 emails since I clocked out at 4PM last night.  It may be a fairly busy day today - which could be a good thing.  I'm doing the court-down now.... five days until I go on vacation for a week!  4 days with my girls and then, well, I'm off a couple days here with hubby.  No, nothing is really planned.  I do have a training session that Friday morning since I had to move Monday's.  I'm going to try to make Wednesday's session when we get back.    Starting to really look forward to time off.

I'm jealous somewhat of a coworker who is on vacation this week.  I've covering for her (which may be some of the emails) this week.  She and her hubby went to Newport Beach for the week.  This is their second trip this year that I know of.  Of course they are at least twenty plus years younger than we are too.  We've never traveled.... not really.  And now, well, I have my reasons.

Hebrews 10:30-31 (NKJV):  "For we know Him who said, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, saith the Lord. And again, "The Lord will judge His people."  It is a fearful thing to fall in the hands of the living God."

I've used that scripture a few times over the years.  Especially back in the 80's when hubby's ex took us back to court and we got stuck paying her attorney and her extra monies.... I wrote that scripture on every check I had to send.  Did it make any differnece?  Doubtful, we still had to pay it all, but I felt better by reminding them God will repay them for being so greedy and evil.  And they were.  I may have sued it another time or two.

What about you?  Have you ever thought that or did you take your vengeance out on someone yourself?  Now that's a thought!  I mean, I could want someone 'punished' for being mean to me or to someone I cared for, but I didn't want to do it myself.  

I may not have heard of anything happening to that attorney, but I do know that the ex did have her share of problems and her life did not turn out the way she thought it would.  And, enough of that.

I need to get up and grab some headache medicine to get rid of this headache and neck ache this morning - think about that scripture.  

Is there someone you are trying to get even with?  Is there someone you are so angry with that you want to beat up the person?  All you have to do is ask God to take care of it.  You may not see the results.  You may never hear of the results.  But trust me, God will take His vengeance on anyone who comes against His people.  If you are His, then He is your Warrior.  And believe me, I have used Him many times to fight my battles!

Gotta run - Hope you have a good day and got a good night's sleep!

Blessings!

It was a nice quiet day..

 After watching Jentezen Franklin at Free Chapel yesterday morning - great message, by the way, I came back in here for another couple hours and enjoyed a couple more hours of just me and Jesus.  I love the times that I can just purposefully sit down and be quiet, read my Bible, pray, and just sit at His feet.  Love those times.

Hmmm.... either I didn't... or I'm getting senile... I can't remember if I fixed us anything for lunch after I came out of this room!  Maybe we both had a shake... I don't know!  But I do know that a bit later I did decide to bake some cranberry pumpkin nut bread and made up two batches.  The first batch was in bread form, then I started playing with it... I made a half dozen 'donuts', and some cupcakes too.  I enjoyed my time cooking.  But then it came dinner time - and I didn't want to cook (obviously again), so we had TV dinners.  Oh I remember now what we ate for lunch!  I had brought home a pasta salad from the luncheon yesterday- so we each had some of that.   Then we finished off the day with something we shouldn't have even had in the house..... cherry cobbler with ice cream on top.  Oops.

Hubby watched football all afternoon - well, until after the Cardinals beat Dallas - then he turned the TV off and we both read.  As I kept falling asleep while reading (at 7PM!) I switched to audible and listened to another book while I crochet'd to stay awake.  At least I was still feeding my mind.  I slept good last night and still didn't want to get up this morning.  But I did.  Back to work today.

Hubby reminded me that one week from now I will be up in cooler territory with the 'girls'.  We leave next Sunday for our 8th Jailbreak Getaway.  And I did tell hubby I had decided to take that Thursday and Friday off too - I have the vacation time; and I know he is hoping we can do something.  Will see.  I already have a gym appointment on that Friday but can always move it. It's just hard to go places with him sometimes.  I'll have to think about it.

I John 2:1 (NKJV):  "My little children, these things I write to you, so that you may not sin. And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous."

We all know that the devil is the accuser of us.  Can you not just picture him standing before God and telling God all of our sins?  Oh, so You think she / he is worthy to be here?  Didn't you seem them .........?? They are evil, they are mine!  But Jesus.  Jesus is our Advocate and He will turn to His Father and say "Remember the cross, Father?  Their sins were on My shoulders; their sins were covered by My sacrifice; My blood covers them."  Even now, the Blood of Jesus Christ covers us when we turn to Him and ask for His forgiveness for our sins.  He has already forgiven us, but we must also ask for forgiveness.  We must truly repent of our sins - some of us have to do it daily!  And every time, we are forgiven, because of what Jesus Christ did for us.  Hallelujah!  

The cross and Jesus' sacrifice for us does not give us permission to sin.  But if we do sin, and we confess that sin, He forgives us.

John 3:16 (NKJV):  "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life."

I can remember when I first learned the name of Advocate for Jesus.  I don't remember how I learned it, probably in a seminar or something, but I remember hearing that Jesus is our Advocate, our Lawyer, when we go to God and intercede for someone.  If I am interceding for my children, for example, Jesus is right there with me, being my Advocate, and interceding with me to our Father for their salvation.  It is such a good feeling to know that I am not alone in my prayers.  And neither are you.  

It may be a busy day at work today.... I see I already have 23 emails and I haven't even signed on the computer yet!  Someone has worked this weekend, for sure, and I'm hoping it isn't my boss, but others sending messages!  But I am sure there will be tasks that I will need to take care of.  I left a couple open-ended emails to external people before I signed off last Friday, so I'm sure I have their answers this morning and will need to get their meetings scheduled.  Five days until vacation - whoopie!!

So glad God declared a day of rest each week.  And I'm grateful the company gives it to us.  Although there are many who do work 7x24.... I'm grateful my position does not require it.  God knew we needed a day (or two) to refresh, renew, and to get other things done.  He's good like that. :-)

Hope that you have an amazing day!

Blessings!

Lots on the mind this morning...

 Some I may share, and some I may not.  It's Sunday and we should soon be getting ready to GO to church ... but I don't think we are.... why?  Because this one pastor is speaking who is very loud and walks back and forth across the stage talking, frequently saying 'My God!' when making a statement.  We've heard her a couple times and we just have not been able to 'connect' with the abstract message given.  I guess we are still 'old-timers' in that we like a structured message that actually teaches us something.  So when I found out she would be speaking, I did let hubby know, and he said he would stay home.  I hadn't thought any more about it until he asked me yesterday if I was going.  I guess cause as a rule unless one of us is sick, the other usually goes.... but I haven't decided yet what to do.  Actually, I DO have a reason to stay home.... I've got some kind of congestion going on this morning and I keep coughing. I think it is from getting a deep sleep last night for a change and I probably breathed shallow and now have all that gook in my lungs.  I am going to take an olive leaf extract this morning to boost up my immune system. Got a slight headache too.  But, will see as the morning goes, but will also just stay home and tell hubby I want to have an extended time here in my room.  After we watch Jentezen Franklin @ Free Chapel at 8AM anyway.  We will hear/watch a church service and know we will get something out of it.  I may go online and watch our church service .... it's not as bad as being there.  Others at the church praise her and overlook the loudness because they are also loud.... I guess....  oh well, enough of that.  She isn't on staff at our church and there are no activities that we would attend with her.  Her husband is the one in the wheel chair I spoke about several blogs ago.  And enough of that.  It's probably 'just us old folks'... but still... 

A dear friend apparently was just going through facebook last night and repulled up the photo of hubby and I on our wedding day and commented on it. A photo that I posted several years ago for our anniversary and probalby reposted as it came up in memories this year.  Anyway - it was 'out there' again so people were starting to comment on it once again.  Several relatives made a comment, which is weird caues the photo is 41 years old, but a great nephew also commented on it, and then went to messenger and started messaging me.  We probably chatted over an hour back and forth on messenger about different things.  I have never met this great nephew.  His grandpa was my older brother.  I"m not sure if he has a disability or if it is just the way he was raised.... has a single mom who had a total of 3 children, never married, each with a different father.  His mother and I have chatted infrequently over the years.... she isn't one to want to keep contact with any of her dad's family (only child) and I would say it is because her parents were divorced and her mother kept her away from us.... plus we probably were wrapped up in our own worlds and didn't reach out.  Although I do know for a fact that the brother just older than I has reached out to her numerous times.  He even made arrangements to give her a large TV he was getting rid of, and other times invited her over for a cookout or even to a restaurant.  She stops responding and never gets back to him.  Now, she has responded back to me a few times, not that I am anyone special.... but if I text her, she will respond, as a rule.  I can remember when she was a little one, before her parents divorced.  

In fact, when I was in my senior year of high school - back then we made  what we called 'senior skirts (or pants for the guys) and they were in the gold cordrouy color.  We would wear them and carry a fabric marker and people would write on our skirts or the guys pants (girls were not allowed to wear pants and definitely not shorts to school) and we'd write things like 'Seniors rule' and sign our name or some other short comment.  I made my senior skirt, and I took the leftover material and made little two year old Debbie a dress out of it - a 'senior dress' of sorts.  I think I even wrote on it.  Oh the memories.

Anyway, I chatted for a great length of time with this great nephew.  Interesting conversation.  Did find out he was a bookworm, he loves Narnia and has a lightsaber... likes Harry Potter and has a couple wands.... his lightsaber changes color... he's 25... lives at home, doesn't work, didn't finish school, abused by his father (when he had to go see him)... sounds like a lonely, sad, mixed up kid and really needs a friend.  But I'm also leery of being drawn in to things.... if that makes sense.  It was a good conversation.  Another to add to my prayer list...  

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NKJV):  "Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and lean not on your own undersanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your path."

How many times do we forge out and try to do things our own way - and we either fail, struggle, or we may even succeed after a long haul?  I know so many times I just jump in because it is 'the right thing to do' and do it... but I find out later that I have regrets because it wasn't what God wanted me to do.  Sometimes I am NOT to be the answer to someone's problem or issue; someone else is to be their answer.  Has that ever happened to you?

You believe in God, you are following Him the best way you know how... and a situation happens and someone needs your help.  Thinking it must be God telling you that you need to step up, you do, and later find out that you probalby shouldn't have done that.   Sometimes we are not the answer to someone else's problem.  So what do we do?  

We need to confess to God that we overstepped our boundary... although what we did was good, it was not our position to do so, although we thought God would want us to. When we do things like that, we remove the blessing from other people getting to help that person.  Does any of that make sense?  I'm getting a headache this morning for some reason and I guess I'm not thinking clearly.  Plus I'm watching the clock for it is nearly time to watch 'church' with Free Chapel.

I went to the ladies luncheon yesterday at our church.  It was somewhat awkward for me... I am not sure how else to describe it.  I just didn't feel connected for some reason.  Lots of people, some I knew, I met many others... it went well... I just found myself thinking I should have stayed home.  The enemy telling me that?  Perhaps.  It was just weird.  But I did stay and I did meet a lot of people.  I'm just not a big women's group person I guess and there were about 30 women there.  

And with that, I need to jump off and bring up 'church' so we can watch it this morning.  Then I think I'll tell hubby I'm coming back in here for a couple hours.  We slept in until (GASP!) nearly 6AM this morning - I must have been totally exhausted physically yesterday.

Blessings!

Gonna be a busy morning!

 After I finish writing this, I need to get up and start fixing a dessert to take to our ladies luncheon we are having at church.  Plus, I will be helping set up so need to leave about an hour earlier than normal, too.  Yeah, this is the luncheon that I prepared for LAST month, and I get to do it again.  I debated on what to take; did I want to make the same stuff as last month?  It doesn't really matter, the people it was for didn't get it anyway last month since there wasn't a ladies luncheon.  So, yes, I did make deviled eggs last night, and I plan to make the cherry cobbler in the crockpot this morning.  At least it won't be a lot of work; just dumping everything in the crockpot and turning it on high for 2 hours.  The eggs I just have to put together.

I actually slept good last night and did sleep until about 5AM this morning.  Grateful for that.  I was getting pretty worn down.  Even though yesterday was a nice breakfast with my boss, then took my time driving back home (no strawberry rhubarb pie in the case) and back to work.  Boiled the eggs late afternoon and that was my day.

One more week and I leave for our Jailbreak Getaway!  I am so ready for a total break from life and just have fun.  Especially getting away from work stuff.  One of my bosses is off all that week, and the other big boss is only taking Thursday off that week - so I gave it some thought - and I am taking the entire week off instead of just the three days!  Yeah, I put in for it and it was approved.  Now, what am I going to do that Thursday and Friday?  I have no idea, other than I have a training appointment on that Friday.  Maybe if I can get my training moved to Thursday, hubby and I can take off for the weekend.  Which will cost me money... and where to go...  I have a couple ideas but for now will keep to myself while I ponder what I want to do. 

Ever sit back and think over your childhood and realize that maybe your viewpoint of life at that time may not be true?  Everyone's perception is so different.  Yeah, even mine.....apparently.  Correspondence with my little sister (started by her) showed me that what I believed (and still do) about family relationships just wasn't true.  Her perception of close family relationships is totally different than mine.  Of course in her eyes, I wasn't close to any of my siblings.... but she was.  After reading the last lengthy text of things SHE did for the siblings ..... I began to wonder if I existed in her family.  I know, haha.  I chose, after reading it a couple times, to just say 'OK'.  I decided I'm done with that conversation.  She even brought our youngest half brother into the picture with how close they were after I moved out.... and just because he lived with us for awhile, didn't mean we were close.  'OK'.  I'm not going to argue.  The things she doesn't know doesn'thurt her, right?  

Romans 5:3-4 (NKJV):  "And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perservance; and perservance, character, and character, hope."

I had to chuckle when I read that scripture this morning.  Tribulations?  Is what I've been dealing with a tribulation?  My character has been attacked for years.... but I can tell you that all that I've been through for years, one thing (in my mind) stands out to me, I have remained firm in my walk with Jesus.  I know back in 2013 I got shaky... not in my walk with Jesus, but because of accusations and things said, I wanted to walk away from ministry.  If those things said were true, how could I share the love of Jesus with others?  As I prayed about it... God showed me that jealousy and anger in others is an ugly thing and for me to ignore those things said and to hold myself to a higher standard.  It hasn't been easy for those words attack me periodically, and I have to tell myself again and again that I am a child of God, I belong to Him, and if I am doing something wrong, He will point it out to me.... not anyone else in their own opinion.  Tribulations are hard; and yes, they do produce perservance because we have to keep pressing in to what we believe is true.  And we all know the Word of God is true and it will never fail us.  It has never failed us, and will never fail us.  I pray that through all these tribulations I go through that I have learned character becoming as an example of my Jesus, because it is in Him that I have Hope.

Hope for what?  Hope for life everlasting with Him.  I often pray that God will just take me up in the clouds like Elijah or Enoch.  I want to walk so close with Him like Enoch that poof!  One day I'm gone without a trace.  But, guess I have to wait for that trumpet sound of our Lord's return and be lifted in to the sky with many, many others, being pulled up to heaven with Him.  I certainly don't want to be left behind and have to go through  the tribulations everyone else will have to go through!  I grieve for my great grandchildren and their children and their children.... for we know not when Jesus will return to call His own to Him.... and I pray over each one even unborn at this time.... that they will know Him and be ready to endure until the end of time.  Will you be ready?  Are you making sure your children and grandchildren will be ready at the sound of the trumpet? 

Ah...just glanced at the clock and I need to get the dessert on and then hit the shower.  Oh the things I must do to make myself presentable to the world!  Showering is a necessity; makeup an addition.  Although I could go without makeup and no one would even notice... I just don't wear that much.  Except eye shadow... if I wear it, they know I have makeup on.  (Not a lot, but it's color)   So - with all my rambling this morning, I'm going to hush.  Hope that you have an amazing day.  Look for God in the little things of life - the flowers that are blooming, the warmth of the sun, the scent of rain (if you are lucky enough to have that)... life is all about Jesus.  Pause and just tell Him 'Thank You' this morning for life.  Give Him praise.

Blessings!

Whoo Hoo Friday!

 I'm early today because I didn't sleep well last night and when I came in here, I tried to go back to sleep.  Hubby brought my coffee in.. told me to go back to sleep... then he gets in the shower which is right by my chair.  LOL  No worries.  I need to get woke up anyway.  I want to read my Bible but while I'm waking up and trying to keep my eyes open, I'm writing in here. 

I get to have breakfast with my boss this morning!  Her birthday is in a couple weeks and as I won't be seeing her, I'm taking a couple things that my granddaughter has made (and I purchased from her) to give to her.  Plus I bought her a ceramic pumpkin.  And candy pumpkins and candy corn to put in it.  Just a little something to say I love you to her.  She is an amazing boss, for sure.   I am thinking I want to send her a large danish from O & H Danish Company on her birthday.  They have a birthday one that has a lot of sprinkles on it.  Heck with the sprinkles, the danish are amazing.  Can't wait for Trader Joes to get their Almond Danish in December!  Nearly 1/3 of the price I pay from the company - but Trader Joy's only gets the Almond one.  But it is amazing.  

Hubby ordered new hearing aids yesterday.  He went through his Insurance company this time.  The ones he has are battery operated and the battery only lasts a day or two because he is always on his phone listening to podcasts of some thing or another.  Plus, if he sweats - which he does - the batteries go out. These will be re-chargeable so he won't have to be changing batteries all the time.  It only cost us about what we paid for his battery operated ones.  He's happy, isn't that all that counts?

Debating on taking the entire first week of October off.  I am already taking Monday - Wednesday off for our Jailbreak Getaway - #8 this year.  But both bosses are off on that Thursday, and one is on that Friday.  I am thinking I just might - although there is nothing planned for those two days.  Hubby would be happy if I spent Thursday with him... he could take me out to breakfast or lunch or dinner. :-)    I do have a 6:30AM gym appointment on that Friday; I wouldn't have to rush back to work.  Something to think about, for sure!  I could always ask to make it later too, if I took the day off.  

I am hoping to get some cranberry pumpkin bread made and put in the freezer this weekend.  I do need to clean my freezer out, though, so that I have a place to put them.  Want to start on bread and butter pickles too, but will see.  So many wants, so little time, right?!

Just remembered I finished a book last night titled Rekindled Fire by Steve Fry.  It was a good book and held my interest.  It's about rekindling your passion for God.  Need to put it in Goodreads that I finished it.  I'm tickled that I put 36 (I think) books to be read this year and I think I'm in the 40's now.  Maybe I will put 50 next year and see how I do.  I don't read that often, but I do love to read and if I get ahold of a good book, leave me alone, I'm going to take it in the bathroom with me to read!  Reminds me of when I was growing up - I loved to read so much that I would literally have a book in front of me all the time.  If I was washing dishes (pre-dishwasher), the book would be sitting behind the faucet for me to read pages as I washed.  If I went into the bathroom, the book went with me to read.  I have always loved to read and in my high school years, would read a book a day - and these were not necessarily little books, they were at least an inch or more wide!  I especially loved Grace Livingston Hill books and then read Victoria Holt and Phyllis Whitney.  Wow.  Surprised I still remembered those names.  Actually, I think my son told me one time that Holt and Whitney were the same person; just two pen names.  My oldest son is the only reader and I like to say 'he got it from me'. :-)

Proverbs 9:9 (NKJV):  "Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser; teach a just man, and he will increase in learning."

Do you realize that the more you read, the more you learn?  How many times have you quoted from a book you read and in a conversation it came to mind?  I know I've done it frequently.  If you read the Bible, you will find lots of sentences to quote!  Just saying!  But we learn so much when we read His Word and study it!  If everyone even followed the Ten Commandments, this would would be such a better place - do you agree or disagree?  God has given us His instruction book and if we would just read it, study it, follow it, obey it.... life would be so much easier to live.  You get caught on phrases like "Love one another as I have lovedd you."  "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and all these things will be added to you."  "Love the Lord your God with all of your heart, all of your soul, all of your mind, and all of your strength."  By the way, the last one is the greatest commandment. 

Breakfast today, then back to work to finish out my work day.  Tomorrow I have a ladies luncheon at church.  LOL  Remember when I pulled my things together last month and tok it in?  Yeah, I get to do it all over again.  I'm make my deviled eggs today... and make the cherry cobbler tomorrow.  Hopefully they will be edible!

Need to get some time with God in this morning since I started here, trying to wake up.  I think I can keep my eyes open now so that Ic an read.  Hope you have a wonderful day!  Grab a book - and learn something!

Blessings!

I did it...all by myself!

 and I have a scratch on my arm to show for it!  I wondered where the blood came from that was showing on the frame of the reading nook I was putting together..... then I decided to look on my body to see if something was wrong.... and found about a 2-1/2 inch scratch.  Oh well.  It had already stopped bleeding.  But - I got the reading nook put together with little difficulty.  But, also, after I got it put together, I noticed that the front side of the shelving wasn't painted.  Now I know I was making sure I had the paint sides outward, but I also was checking the instructions on which way the screws were to go and all... so I'm (hoping I'm right) thinking they just didn't paint that one side.  No biggie.  I will buy a small container of white paint and paint it.  Really not a big deal.  BUT - I did get it finished -AND found a place to put it after moving things around a couple times - and was able to accomplish it all while hubby was gone yesterday morning.  Whoo hoo!  Now to go to Goodwill or Savers and find children's books to put in it.  No rush; the great-grands don't come over that often, but it was just too cute to pass up.  It is really for a small child so don't know how long I'll be able to keep it without it just collecting dust.  

When hubby got home it wasn't long before we were heading down to the eye doctor's to check out my eyes.  Well, I found out what it is called - my 'silent migraines' that I call them.  These headaches that are really not headaches, but will occasionally blot spots of my vision, and gives me lightening bolts on the sides - comes and goes in about 20 minutes - is actually called 'occular migraines'.  No pain, just annoyance.

There is no cure.  They are caused by stress, spicy foods, (and extended screen time, I'm sure with staring at the computer 8-9 hours a day) and could be just about anything.  He suggested I track when I get them, to think what I've been doing.  Since I sometimes get them while I'm driving, I'm going to think it's also things that lead up to that moment.  I have gotten them while working; I have gotten them at the gym; I have gotten them in the evening watching TV, I've gotten them while driving.  They don't happen frequently, usually.  Last weekend I had 3, which is a rarity.  Usually it may be once a month.  So - there is no cure; there is nothing I can do to prevent it without writing down what is going on in my life at the time of it happening.  They did this one test on my eyes - after dilating them - that had tears flowing down - I think it was taking photos of my retina.  Anyway - all said and done - I have a diagnosis, nothing I can do about it except stop whatever I think is causing it (when I figure it out).  And life goes on.

I probably could have summed up all that in three sentences - and I gave you two paragraphs so that you had something to read. :-)

Romans 12:2 (NKJV):  "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."

Webster's dictionary describes 'conform' as 'to make like'.  To conform to something is to change your behavior, or change yourself, to look like something or someone else.  I think we see a lot of that in dress code nowadays, don't you?  People trying to look like celebrities whether in clothing or in hair styles or makeup. 

But for a Christian, we should not conform to this world and the things in it - behavior or clothing - but be transformed in Christ by renewing our minds constantly in Him.  We seek to grow in understanding of God's word, transforming our mind, to discern or prove God's will.  Metamorphesis comes from the Greek word for transformed and indicates change from the inside out.  When we accept Jesus as Lord of our life, we need to use our minds to be transformed on the inside and seek Him and allow Him to change us into being like Him.

Jesus told His followers to 'Follow me".  Paul told us to "Follow me as I follow Christ".  We are to be ttransformed into His likeness and follow in Christ's steps.  How are you doing with that?

Sometimes I think this is an area we all - including me - have to constantly work on.  I often ask God if I have pride in me, that it is reflected in things I possess or people I associate with.  There have been things in the past that I have cut out of my life and took a step back for awhile, because I felt I was feeling prideful about it.  God has shown me since, in one area at least, that it wasn't pride, but the devil accusing me of being prideful and I believed him.  It's sometimes hard to gain back what one gives up. But I strive daily not to be prideful about anything, for pride is a sin of the world.  Nothing is to be before Christ.  

Sometimes I don't know how I get into predicaments... sometimes it is my mouth that does it... but how I choose to respond to things shows how I am confomred to the world, or to Christ.  Sometimes we all get 'stinking thinking'.... and need to sit back and re-evaluate our life.  Do we hate our job so that all we can do is complain about it?  Do we hate our circumstances enough that we will stop and do something about it instead of wallering in the mud all the time?

And I'll use myself as an example...somewhat.... I mentioned about a situation that has come up from a year and a half ago.  Instead of just someone saying, "Hey, this has been on my mind, something you said back aways, and it troubles me and I'd like to talk about it."  .... instead we run from the situation (because it is true? there is guilt here?) and say "I'm taking a break from you because you said something hateful."   Could we do that to our children, our spouses?  Anyway - taking a break from each other isn't going to cause it to go away.  And saying "I forgive you for saying it, but I will never forget it in my darkest of darks, with God as my witness"... so.... no forgive and forget... is that the right attitude?  And - my choice has been to just say 'ok, if that's what you want.'  I'm not going to argue on the truth of my statement.  It is what I said and and feeling guilty about the truth of that statement... well, that's not my problem.  Pride is a terrible thing at times.  When someone calls me out and it is true, I step back and evaluate that truth..I pray about it... and if God shows me that they are right and I was wrong, I will ask forgiveness and let it go.  Some people don't know how to let things go, but choose instead to waller in their distress, their issues, their troubles... and tell everyone what a great person they are because someone did this to them and they cut them out of their life.  Whatever.

In all things, choose Jesus.  He is the Author and Perfector of our faith.  Stop and evaluate how you feel about things, about people.  Have you forgiven them?  Have you talked the issue over with them?  Is it even of any value to do either of those things?  Why not just forgive them and forget about it and let it go?  Be TRANSFORMED into Christ's image and run your thoughts through His Word and see what He says....  it sure can straighten me out at times!  Words will always hurt when we think about them.  I've had people say things to me that I could not share with anyone, but they cut deep.  Praise God He shows me how to let it go, to forgive, and choose life in Him versus letting the enemy distort my mind with my own perceptions and accusations.  Things happen... sometimes we need to just say 'Ok - whatever", and let it go.  Maybe I'm wrong in my situation... I used to beg to resolve our situations, but every time we got together, I would be told what a terrible mother I was, I should get a divorce, I wasn't living the way this person thought I should be.  Interesting how I have learned to step back instead of begging to restore friendship.  I don't need to.  I give it to God and let Him deal with her, with the situation, with me.  It's wanting to be transformed in to His image, and let others see Jesus in me.  Lord, help!

Blessings!

It's another 'I don't want to wake up' morning...

 Yes... I've been sleeping this morning.  I do have an excuse though - and I will use it.  Went to the gym last night and my trainer really worked my legs - hard!  I was not only exhausted when I got home, I had a headache that wouldn't go away.  So - I took an excedrin, and just before bed, I took an ibuprofen.  It's the ibuprofen that knocked me.  I had hoped to sleep all night, but found I was awakened 3 times during the night cause I drank way too much water after I got home, thinking that maybe I just needed water for the headache to go away.  The headache did go away before I went to bed, but, yeah... had to get rid of the water.  TMI?  So - after reading my Bible this morning, I chose to lay my head back and close my eyes.  And that is the story this morning.  Don't have much time to write now. But enough to not make any sense.

Hubby's Tuesday morning Bible study starts back up today so he will be gone a couple hours.  Usually he will go to lunch afterwards with his friend that he has been having breakfast with ... but he informed me last night that he has to work on his study for tonight with his other friend, so he will be home after the study.  I really don't mind him going on out... and tried to convince him to do so.  He said no, so will see.  Oh you know my motive, huh... I love my quiet mornings.

I have another workout tonight at 3:30PM - yeah, taking off work early.  I have my eye doctor appointment tomorrow to find out about the 'silent migraines' I've been getting with the lightening bolts - had three in the last 5 days; 2 in one day.  So... getting that checked out, and hope there is a reason to be found.  I know I'll have a headache after all THAT testing, so opted to change my workout date - and he moved it to today.  So since legs was yesterday, it will be upper body tonight.

Oh pickles!  I just remembered that I have a lunch today with the other admins at the cheesecake factory!  Which means I will have to clean up today.  But, hey, I get out of the house, right?  And I'll be gone for a couple hours.  Plus I have to take off at 3PM to get to the gym... oh, it's going to be a busy day trying to get things done with taking so much time off!  And I have to put makeup on.

Ephesians 4:29 (NKJV):  "Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers."

That scripture could possibly 'nail' a lot of us.  How many times have we let cruel, sarcastic words come out of our mouths, intentionally to hurt someone?  Ouch!  Sometimes they aren't just cruel, but they are words that sting and belittle.  God says, 'Don't do that!'  

What if, just what if, we try really hard today to think good thoughts - and when those words come when someone irritates us, that instead we stop them from flowing out of our moths and give a compliment instead?  Hmmm what example could I give?

Hubby frequently gets on my last nerve, as you know.  He doesn't do it intentionally, and I know he loves me, but it is a possessive love.   An ownership love.  So - I know!  Remember the story about when I belonged to Planet Fitness and I complained about the trainer there who didn't do his job and show me the equipment and just handed me a paper of what I needed to do?  And hubby went and talked to him and told him I needed individualized attention and that he needed to pay attention to me? )and then I quit Planet Fitness  becuase he did that?).... Instead of getting angry at hubby - and holding my words in that I really wanted to say, but he got my message, albeit he didn't understand why I was angry..... I should have just said something like, "I appreciate you going to the gym (that he didn't belong to) and finding the trainer that was to show me the equipment.  I'm sure after you spoke with him, he understood completely how needy I was and that you were just looking out for me."

Naw, that would be too sarcastic, right?  Anyway, you understand what I'm saying, right?  We need to let good words come from our mouth and edify (build up) people versus tearing them down.  We all have those people who bring out the worst in us at times... but let's try being kinder and more loving to them.  Change your words, change the world.

Blessings!

A nice Sunday went by...

 We went to church yesterday morning and it was a good service.  I'm going to have to think about what was spoken though... something about being rejected by someone, in most cases a father figure, who never thought you were good enough.  When our pastor asked those people to stand who felt they had been rejected growing up, several people stood and he prayed over them.  Our pastor gave hugs to a few; especially those who said they didn't have a father figure in their life growing up.  Then he asked if anyone wanted to surrender this lives to Jesus and these three very loud (during the service with Hallelujah and Amen comments) all raised their hand.  It was kind of funny..... I was drawn to this one woman, very pretty and about my age (or less), and I felt like I need to give her a hug. She had been one who had raised her hand to receive Jesus.  After the service I went up and I hugged her and said "Keep choosing Jesus, He is the only way to live." and I hear a male voice saying 'well, now, I'm jealous!"   I looked up and it was a man who always comes to greet hubby and I every time we are at church, giving us hugs (always insisting I get a hug first).  I looked questioning at him and he said "that's my ex-wife and our daughter."  I had no idea!  LOL  That was interesting!  But there was no bitterness in the air from either of them, so I'd say they were friends.  

After church we grabbed KFC (cause hubby did not want BBQ chicken sandwich again) and came home.  About 2-ish I started working on the tomahawk steak we had received.  By the time I had taken it out of the plastic bag and seared it - it was about 8 inches across and two inches thick!  I seasoned it, seared it, then put in the oven - and only had to cook it for about an hour before it was ready.  I'm going to have to experiment with cooking another one.  This one was perfect, but the hour almost cooked it too much on the inside.  There was no pink - but it was so tender and so good.  I baked a sweet potato with it and then we had some raw veggies to eat with it.  And then, the best part, the chocolate mousse that came with it. So very sweet and so very good.  Needless to say, dinner was good last night.  And enough left over for tonight and then some.

After the Diamondbacks game, hubby actually turned the TV off and I was able to read last night.  He even read after playing with his phone for awhile.  I love my quiet evenings in which I can read.  Got disturbing news from our youngest son before we went to bed, but asked him to call me this morning to update, rather than us staying up and just waiting to hear.

Philippians 2:3-4 (NKJV):  "Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for your own interests, but also for the interests of others."

How many times do we push our own agenda for things, thinking it is the only way to get things done? We don't think we are conceited or selfish... but yet, are we, when we insist on thigns being done our way, that one's opinion is not as important as ours?  I  don't think I can say I'm not guilty of that, because many times I know I become so focused on the outcome that I want, that hubby's opinion does not matter to me.  I think I can do something better, only because I know how I want it done.  For example.... I bought what is called a 'readers nook' for the great grandchildren.  It's like a bookcase, only in the middle there is an area in which they can sit and read.  I thought it was adoreable, and because it was for my great-grandchildren, I bought it.  It arrived the otehr day in a box.  To be put together.  You know where I am going with this, don't you?  It's still in the box because I want to put it together myself.  If I open it when hubby is home, he will want to put it together.  It's not so much that I don't think he can do it, it is more that I want to do it myself.  We've had these 'discussions' before when I bought a TV stand and a bookcase at our other house.  I insisted on putting them together myself without his help.  That did not make for a smooth relationship, I tell you!  It's really not a big deal on who puts the reading nook together.  Hubby is not mechanically minded; he does not like to put things together - never has.  But, he will throw a fit if I try to do it myself and make comments like 'you don't think I'm good enough to do it".  Words that may hold some truth, but yet, because he doesn't allow me to do much of anything (and I'm relegated to knitting and crocheting).... I long to be able to fix things or do  things myself.  Does that make me wrong?  Will see how I feel about it later... I need to get it put together at some point.  I was thinking Tuesday morning as his long bible study starts back up... only I have a lunch tomorrow with the other admins and then an early workout at the gym so not really enough time.  Will have to let it play out.  Maybe Friday when he's gone again to another Bible study.

I received an email from the little sister the other day - telling/encouraging me that I need to quit working and enjoy life.  As I have mentioned before, yes, I'd love to 'retire' - but then all my extra money would be gone and I couldn't do for others or ourselves like I can now (like, hubby has to have a wisdom tooth removed - his cost is $1400!) and he wants new hearing aids - who knows how much that will cost - the last pair was $1500.  I can help others while I'm working... and other than having to do things (like board meetings) that I don't care for, I have a great job.  I have vacation days... I just don't take them because I don't want to go much of anywhere with hubby and his insistence on driving.  Although he did ask if I'd drive to church yesterday.  I don't make a big deal when he asks me to drive. I'm hoping he will keep asking me to drive when we are together.  He makes me nervous and I'm always concerned when he drives off to one of his Bible studies... but he will not listen to me and I can't drive him everywhere and work too. Ah... enough of that.

And with that.... I need to get off here and spend a bit more time with my Jesus.  My list of prayers is getting longer and I love opening up my window shades in here, sitting on the floor and looking up at the sky, and talking with Him.  These are the most peaceful times of my life.  Just those few minutes of my entire focus upon Him.  Try it... take a moment and just reflect on who Jesus is.  

Blessings!

I may not want to get up....

 but I love rising early to have my time with Jesus each morning.  I awoke at 11PM last night and struggled to get back to sleep. But did, and finally arose just before 5AM.  I chalk that wakeup to taking a late nap yesterday afternoon.  Plus being absolutely, totally, lazy yesterday - other than going to Sam's Club and buying way too much - I pretty much sat on the couch all day.  We did read last night - and I'm currently reading two books (actually more than that, but only two by my chair.).. Return of the Gods by Jonathan Cahn and Rekindled Fire by Steve Fry.  

At first, in reading Return of the Gods it was hard to get in to - I'm not used to those type of books.  but I read several pages yesterday and wow - what he is describing are things that happened in my day!  I remember when Madalyn O'Hara did the court thing that took prayer out of schools.  I remember when the big bull was placed in New York City.  But I never made the connection to the idols of old.  

Remember Baal? His body was the bull.  America has brought Baal into America - and just as the Israelites of old fell away from God and worshipped idols, Baal, Asterarth, Isthar, and others.... America is doing it as well.  And God ain't happy, I'm telling you!  When we turn away from God, as America has done, God's punishment will be severe.  His commandments - remember when the Supreme Court ruled they had to be removed from public places?  Removed from schools?  The Ten Commandments that teach us how to live justly?

Oh that God will have mercy on us as we approach the time of Jesus' return.  He will have no mercy for those who turned others away from Him, and He will have no mercy for those who follow Baal or any of the other idols of old.  They have penetrated America, they have penetrated our homes, they have penetrated our lives - if we have let them.  We must constantly be on our guard and do not be lovers of money (Wall Strett), lovers of sexuality (Asterath), and the other idols.  This could be a book that my son may be interested in reading.  Actually, we have several of Jonathan Cahn (who is a Messanic Jew) has written.  His latest is the Josiah Manifesto which hubby is reading now.  I think you would be surprised at things you read - things we just took in stride as we didn't think they really affected us.  But they do.  

I Kings 9:6-7 (NKJV):  "But if you or your sons at all turn from following Me, and do not keep My commandments and My statutes which I have set before you, but go and serve other gods and worship them, then I will cut off Israel from the land which I have given them; and this house which I have consecrated for My name I will cast out of My sight. Israel will be a proverb and a byword among all peoples."

And this also applies to America.  Woe is us for we have turned from God and have / are worshipping idols of money, of possessions, of politics, of people, of things!  Do you not see it?  The Lord gives and the Lord takes away.  Do not think for one moment that God will bypass you or your family if you seek after other things instead of Him.  Our God is a jealous God and there is to be no one or any thing in His place.

Wow - heavy stuff from me on a Sunday morning, isn't it!  I don't know about you, but I often have to ask God to forgive me for my pride - and yet, I have never thought of myself as a prideful person.  But when we insist on our own way of doing things - right or wrong - when we push our own agends, when we like to do showy things, like bragging about how we helped so and so or donated such and such... we are being prideful.  I have caught myself being prideful over the silliest things.... which I won't go in to - but it was a wake up call for me.

Now it is ok to be happy, full of pride, over something you have created or over your child.... but don't worship them.  I am proud of my children.  I am proud of my grandchildren.  I am proud of my great-grandchildren.  But I cannot hold them up equal to God and worship them.  I am proud of the work I do for 'my' company.  But I can't worship the work nor the company.  I am happy that I can give to God each week, but I can't be prideful that I can give this or that much.  It is to God that I'm giving it; it is my worship to Him.  Doesn't matter if it is $1 or $100 - it is my worship, my obedience to Him. Does any of this make sense?

Worship God.  Period. Nothing else.  He is Sovereign, Holy, Almighty, and alone is worthy to be praised with every ounce of our being.  Hallejujah!

Church this morning for us, and hopefully will get up off our lazy butts and head to the gym.  We have to do more than workout twice a week and expect miracles to happen.  Lord, help!  I have more strength, for which I am grateful.  My core is getting stronger.  I'm still waiting for the excess to fall off. Maybe soon.  My trainer told me to watch my carbs and eat more protein.  I'm not a big meat eater so need to work on that.  At least I will later today!

My big brother sent me a surprise package the other day.  Remember I mentioned it, but I don't recall if I shared what he sent.  He sent us a large tomahawk steak and a dessert of chocolate mousse.  I kid you not!  Since hubby doesn't grill, he said to put in the oven at 140 degrees for two and a half hours.  I'm going to cook it this afternoon.  It's big enough that we will be eating the meat for at least two days.  Of course hubby is a big meat eater so maybe not. LOL   I love how my big brother blesses me unexpectedly at times.  I had no idea what he was sending. 

Who can you bless today unexpectedly?  Maybe cook a meal for your family - if it is something you don't normally do.  Maybe it is just to pick up after yourself.  Trust me, they will notice!  Maybe it is just doing something nice for them that they don't expect.  Be a blessing to someone today.

Blessings!

Don't settle for crumbs on the floor...

 This morning as I've sat here reading my Bible, a devotional, and just reflecting on various things I read from my emails, one has really stuck in my mind.  It was an email from Thomas Griffin.  I have no idea who he is, but on a whim a few months back I bought some cds he was offering titled 'Secrets of the Secret Place'.  Now that book, by the same name and written by Bob Sorge, is my very favorite devotional and I can't tell you how many times I have read it.  In fact, I know the book 'Secrets of the Secret Place' so well, just starting each reading, I already know it.  But I keep reading it.  Why?  Because it still speaks to me.  This morning I found a devotional from Thomas Griffin in my emails and I paused to read it.

In this devotional, he talked about his very young son, Judah, who was raiding the pantry one night in hopes of finding a late night snack.  Thomas went to the kitchen because it had gotten very quiet - and as we all know, a quiet young child who is awake can be frightening.  So he went to investigate.  Judah was standing by the pantry holding an empty box of crackers.  Someone had put it back in the pantry empty. (Since he said he had six boys, I'm sure it was one of them!)  So Thomas said he reached inside the pantry for a box of pretzels and got a bowl to put some in for Judan.  As he did so, a few fell on the floor and Judah started grabbing and eating those, although they were broken and in crumbs.  He told his son to stop, to look up and see the bowl he had prepared for him. But Judah kept eating the ones that had fallen on the floor.

And it made me think of how often we satisfy our hunger for things, even for God, by keeping our eyes down, looking at and eating the crumbs that fall on the floor.  We are so hungry, and yet, what falls on the floor, we go after it.... when all we have to do is 'look up!' God has filled our bowls so full they are overflowing and all we have to do is look up - look to Him - and allow Him to give us all we want.  But we settle, so many times, for the crumbs.

Are you one of those people, who settle for the crumbs of life and don't look up to God and see what all He has for you?  How many times have we refused something - for whatever reason - but often think "oh, this is good enough.  This will get me by.  I don't need anything better."  I know I have said it, and I have thought it.  A lot of my upbringing was based on I wasn't good enough, and what I had was enough. It met my need.  The crumbs I picked up could satisfy that hunger.  Oh how wrong I was!

When I dive in to a Bible study, or even in reading my Bible or a book that will help me grow, I am looking up into the bowl of all that God has for me.  I'm not looking at the crumbs on the floor to just get by with what I know right now.  I.want.more.  I want the whole thing; not just the crumbs.

I often pray that God will increase my hunger for Him, to know Him .... and the courage to make Him known to others.  And sometimes it happens unexpectedly.  And it changes lives - mine included. Let me tell you a story - a true story at that.

There was a lady I worked with at another company and when we had an opening where I am now, knowing she wanted another job, I shared it with her and even recommended her for the job.  She got it.  About six months in, for an unknown reason, she started spreading lies about me.  Others told me things she had said and I had no idea why.  Another friend whom I had been close to suddenly stopped speaking to me. I had no idea what had happened or what was going on.  Others noticed the attitudes around me.  If they asked me, I just said 'I don't know'.  For I didn't.  I went out of my way to be kind to this person who said these things.  I didn't bring up what she had said to others.  I just reached out in ways as a friend.

Her husband got really sick at work and had to be taken to the hospital.  Then she got seriously ill with her heart and ended up taking a year off work on short term disability.  When she came back to work, I welcomed her back with open arms.  Nothing was ever said about what had happened.  

I finally figured out what I thought it was.  As we sat together at lunch one day - before all the trauma in her family - she mentioned she had Budda statues all over her house, hanging on her walls, etc.  I was shocked as she professed to be a Christian.  And, because I was so shocked I said what came to my mind - "but those are idols! You shouldn't have those in your houes!"  And she responded that she thought they were just 'cute fat babies'.  From then on, she would have nothing to do with me.

Fast forward back to about a year ago... she was back at work and started asking me via email questions about Jesus.  I responded to her questions, even sent her a couple of my favorite devotionals to read.  As she asked questions and I responded, a friendship developed again.  And now, time and again, she will email me that she is reading her Bible, doing studies, and is now leading a women's class.   I don't know if the things are still in her home, and I'm sure if they are, someone will say something to her in her class.  I think this week is the first week in her home; it's been at her church they have met for the past six weeks.  But what I'm sharing is that she has actually called me her mentor and says that she can't thank me enough for helping her understand who Jesus is.

But it wasn't me at all.  It was the Holy Spirit drawing her unto Jesus.  All I had to do was let Him use me in this circumstance.  I had to continue to be kind when I really wanted to give her 'what for' on how she had treated me and lied about me.  But I held my tongue and now we are good friends.  She often shares how God is working in her life.  She is witnessing to her husband and family.  Her grown children now go to church with her occasioally.  And she makes sure they pray over their meals and she has carved out several hours of her day to read her Bible and study.  To God be all the glory.

I'm not telling you this story to get accolades... but when we let Jesus have the crumbs of our life, He can take those and feed others.  He can take all our mistakes and wipe them clean, and use them for our good.  He loves us so much that He died for us.  A horrible, tortureous death.  

Oh how I wish words I write in this blog will cause your heart to yearn for the love of God!  True, much of what I write is just my daily stuff, which I'm sure bores you.  But Jesus will never bore you.  Pick up your Bible and start reading in it.  You will find rich gold in the words.  I'm starting Ephesians tomorrow morning - would you read through it with me tomorrow?  Just a couple chapters a day - and in a couple days you will be finished.  If you don't have a Bible, please let me know in comments and give me a way to contact you; I will send you a Bible.

You can't learn about Jesus without reading the Bible.  You can't learn of God's love, of His commandments that will help us live the life He craves for us without reading His Word.  Don't delay any longer.  Start with the book of John, and you will learn of how much Jesus loves you.  The old testament about Numbers and Leviticus can bore you at times because it is all about numbers (duh) and laws of the priests.  But "read the red" as some people say, in the New Testament.  Those are the words of Jesus.  Read them, reread them, and read them again.

Larry Lea wrote a book years ago called Could you not tarry one hour?  That book spoke to me when I read it 'way back when' in my early walking with Jesus.  He talks in this book of when he first became a Christian and he 'read the red' so that he would know Jesus.

And that is - or should be - our goal.  To know Jesus, and to make Him known.  Glory to His Name.

Don't settle for crumbs.... look up....  go for Jesus and all that He has for you on His table.

Blessings!

I knew it, but a revelation this morning....

 How many times have I said, or you said, "so and so has caused me to lose my joy?"  Well, this morning I was reading in Galatians and it hit me - no one has stolen my joy .... I let the devil have it by giving in to him.  Seriously!  My hubby does not still my joy.  He may make me unhappy at times (as I do him), but he cannot steal my joy.

Joy:  An inward hope and exuberance in spiteof outward circumstances. Joy differs from happiness, which relies on favorable circumstances.

Do you see what I'm saying?  I love the movie War Room and I want to watch it again this weekend. It's a movie so I'm sure I can get hubby to say yes. Anyway, in this movie the wife comes out and is yelling at the devil and says something along these lines...

"and another thing, devil, you can not have my JOY!  My JOY comes from the Jesus and in case you haven't figured it out yet, you are defeated by Jesus on the cross....."

I know that isn't the exact wording - so watch it yourself - you won't regret it.  Great movie, and really makes one think about what we have allowed in our lives.  We all think we are 'good people'.  We do things right, most of the time.  We try to be kind when people drive us crazy.  But sometimes we let circumstances take our joy away.... and in reality, they aren't.  Our Joy comes from Jesus and stays within us.  What happens is that we are not happy with the circumstances.  There is a difference.  And I didn't really ponder that thought until I was reading in my Bible this morning.

So what are your thoughts on it?  Have you been saying someone has stolen your joy?  I know I have, and not just hubby.  I have allowed other people who I held in high esteem to verbally beat me up and wear me down.  I let them steal my joy, when in reality, I buried myself in unhappiness at the circumstance.  But no more!

My Joy is in Jesus alone.  Other things and circumstances just bring me happiness.

Like a child in a candy store, right?  

Galatians 5:22-25 (NKJV):  "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.  Against such there is no law. And those who are Christ's have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit."

Let the fruit of the Spirit live in you.

Update on my dermatologist... he froze a mole on my arm, cut a mole off the bottom of my foot, and clipped a tag that was annoying me.  Other than that, I'm good for another year.  Still need to call my podiatrist and have him tell me what to do about these bone spurs.... my heels are getting quite painful - with and without shoes.  I don't know what can be done... hopefully no surgery... but will find out. This year is the year to do any of that... my deductible is paid up.

Went to dinner with friends last night and had a great time.  Black Bear Diner always has great food.  My trainer sent me my InBody report... ugh.... worse than I thought it was.  No wonder he didn't want to show me.  He also gave me a note that he wants me to increase my protein intake and cut back on fats and carbs. Easier said than done.  How much protein?  100 grams of protein a day.  Which doesn't seem bad.  30g in Premier Protein, 15g in my protein powder. 20g in a 4 oz hamburger.  But I also need to cut back on carbs and fat. Sigh.  I'm going to do this.  Anyway - at dinner I chose the Cheeseburger salad. 800 calories.  Now what makes it so high I'm guessing is the cheese and the hamburger.  The rest is all lettuce, onions, pickles, hmmm no tomatoes in it.... I don't remember if anything else .. but think of a cheeseburger - you get a burger, cheese, pickles, onion, lettuce.  That's about it, right?  And I used a FF Italian dressing that did nothing for the salad.  And it was so big I could only eat half of it and will have the remainder for lunch today.  And, since I have chicken left over from the other night, will throw on some chicken and yeah - I'll get my protein up!  100 seems a lot, but I guess it really isn't.  It's the carbs and fats that kill me.  Anyway - I'm in this for the long haul so just facing the fact I need to change the way I eat.

Hubby has his Bible study this morning so I will have a few hours - albeit working - of being alone.  What mischief can I get in to?  Not much; work has been ovewhelming lately and I need to start extending meetings into 2024.  Can't believe we are getting ready to hit the last quarter of the year!

And with all that.... I'm going to hush for today.  Got some time left I can curl up with my journal and write some things down to my Abba.  Yeah, I talk with Him too, but sometimes I like to put it on paper so that I can see when He answers my requests.... it isn't coincidence when things come out the way I want them to.  It's God coincidence... He answers.  Thank Him for His answers, even when they aren't what you want them to be.   Your joy is complete in Him.

Blessings!

A lot on my mind....

 My middle child did not make it over yesterday as planned; appointments don't always get processed as planned.  BUT - he did text me later and is now taking me out to eat in a couple weeks.  I love those times when we can just catch up - just like when he stopped by with Rainbow donuts a week ago.  Those are the memories I hold on to.

My youngest did stop by yesterday and pick up a couple jars of salsa... it's been a couple weeks and one had already gone bad and had to be dumped, but he took two jars and said they'd probably be gone that night.  I should have called him a week ago, but life gets in the way.  

I think I mentioned the other day that I got a request to come back for a 2nd mammogram and ultrasound.... I'm not concerned about it, been through that before.  I find it interesting that the very spot they said they want to look at, I remember it hurting before I went, and it is hurting this morning.  But - I am believing still it is nothing more than fatty tissue bumping in to each other.

Speaking of fatty tissue... and this is troubling me and bringing me down.  I'm fighting back, I'm fighting against it.  I went to the gym last night for my workout and my trainer wanted to do what is called 'InBody' which measures muscle, fat, water, etc. in your body.  It's been two months since I had it done.  And yes, two months ago it showed I was fat.  He said I didn't need to drink a gallon of water a day as I had been trying to do - which showed an excess of water in my body... so I cut back some.  Now I know I don't eat perfectly, and you know I love my chocolate and I often 'cheat' and eat things that I shouldn't be eating if I want to lose weight.  I thought I had been doing fairly well with my eating habits ... not perfect, but was paying more attention, I thought.

He took the InBody test.... and then he wouldn't even let me see it.  That was the first sign something was off. He finally said only one line went down (my weight had gone up ANOTHER 3 pounds!)... and didn't say what it was... but obviously it wasn't my fat being changed for muscle.  I struggled through the workout, which was changed and he really pushed me to do more reps and heavier weights.  I pushed though and completed all he wanted to - and got my heart rate up to 127 at one point.  He said I really need to get it up to 146.  Something about you take 200 and minus your age, then the remaining number is what your heart rate should get to if you want to lose weight.  Something about metabolism.  He never did show me the paper and I asked him to send me a copy, but he hasn't yet.  I'll send him a reminder as I won't see him again until Monday.  It was depressing news as I have really been pushing on my workouts... but in reality, twice a week good workouts just aren't enough.  I should have also been on the treadmill and doing things here at home.  If I don't want to be embarrassed next time, I probably should kick my butt in gear and do some things here at home.  Afterall, that's what I have the equipment here for, right?  It's just hard to do when hubby's here.  I don't like being questioned nor watched.\  It's just me.

My trainer also told me he didn't think I was eating enough protein - i.e., chicken and fish - and he is probably right.  I cook just enough to get by with... and supplement it with veggies... so he gave me a gram figure but I don't remember what it was.... but I am resolved to eat more chicken and fish.  I stopped at Bashas on my way home and picked up a rotesserie chicken and raw veggie tray and that was our dinner last night.  I'm embarrassed about the InBody test not being good; I had really expected it to show I had gained a lot of muscle and lost some fat.  But if I want to lose weight, and I do, I need to be more focused on what I'm eating, quit skipping meals, and quit nibbling and calling it a meal.  At least protein shakes are enjoyable and I can make in different flavors - chocolate or vanilla or strawberry.  Got to cut back on my sugar and carbs.   I.Can.Do.This.   And of course hubby needs to do it too so I don't have to prepare extra food for him.  He's not losing cause he eats out so much... which usually causes me not to eat here at home cause I don't have to cook. I need to look beyond that and make a shake at least.

So there you have it - a couple things that are weighing me down this morning.  The InBody report though, that was a kick to the stomach, and my trainer knew it, which is probably why he didn't let me see it.  But on the positive side.... I am a lot stronger (I have biceps!) than I was three months ago.  I just still have this fat belly and butt.  But this too shall pass, mama alwsays said so.  True, she wasn't referring to my body fat, but whenever troubles came around, my mama could be heard saying "this too shall pass"... and it always did.  

I got a surprise this morning - on my phone is a text from my big brother that says he has sent me a package and it will be arriving tomorrow!  He is always surprising me with gifts.  One time it was a box of chocolate - remember that? - it was a few years ago and it arrived in the summer.  I told him don't send chocolate in the summer anymore.  Not to this state.  But after cooling in the refrigerator for a couple hours, there was no problem in popping them in my mouth. Oh there I go again! food!

I have a dermatologist appointment this morning early so need to stop early and jump in the shower.  This is to be just a yearly screening, and occasionally he freezes a couple moles and sometimes he will scape and send off.  I'm sure all is fine and it's good to get checked out.  When I was growing up back in the midwest, our 'thing' was laying out in the sun and getting burned and then tanned.  That is what we are watching for now - could any thing be changing.  Little did we know back then what it could cause when we get older.

There is a song by Bethel Music called "Goodness of God".  That song is one of my favorites and it is running through my mind this morning....

"All my life You have been faithful.  All my life you have been good, so good. With every breath that I am able, I will sing of the goodness of God."

I have found that no matter how many fires I have gone through in my life, His goodness is always running after me.  He is always so close to me, holding me, walking with me through every fire.  And you know what?  When you are following Him, He will not leave you in the fire alone.  When you get to the fire, He will walk with you THROUGH the fire.  No matter what that fire is... when you follow Jesus, He will always walk with you through it.

He is with you when you struggle.  He is with you when you walk through the shadows of the valley of death.  He is with you with a child is born and you feel so much love and joy. He is with you when life is hard. He is with you in the court case.  He is with you in your job.  Jesus will never leave your side, when you choose Him as your best friend.  He is a friend whom is closer than a brother.  

There is no fear when Jesus is near.  Do you know Him?  Do you trust Him?  I've shared things on here that I haven't shared with others - not even hubby at this point - many days I've shared things that it has been easier to share what I feel on here than in person.  But through it all.... I know that Jesus is walking with me.  I have no fear of what the future holds, for I know Who holds my future.

Blessed is the name of the Lord.  

Blessings!