Somewhat disappointed, but not suprised

 There seems to be a lot of medical stuff going on in my family right now, and it appears I am not the exception, although I had hoped I was.  No, nothing serious that I am aware of.  But I am disappointed.  Surprised too.  I went yesterday to get my Dexa Scan (bone density) and my mammogram completed. My yearly for the mammogram, and every other year Dexa Scan.  My doctor got the reports the same day - yesterday - as I had taken the tests - and even had already posted in My Portal the response!  So - I went over to see what she had to say, so that I'd have something to share this morning.  Hmmmm. sigh.

I get to go back for another mammogram and now an ultrasound, which doesn't surprise me.  It's on the same side as I had to do it last year, the same side that I had numerous tests completed on in years past.  Next year I will suggest just doing the views and ultrasound the first time and be done with it.  But, anyway, wasn't too surprised I would have to return and have more views taken. It does somewhat concern me that they are looking at a different area on that side, but I am not worried about it.  

What I am disappointed in is my Dexa Scan results.  I had high hopes that my bones would be much stronger and I could look forward to going off the Fosamax in a couple years.  They said I could only be on it for 5 years, then it would need to be changed.  My Dexa Scan did show 'some' improvement, but not much.  Sigh. It 'says' I have a 20% chance of a hip fracture in the next five years.  Seriously?  ANYthing can happen in five years - right?  So if I'm in a car accident, and my hip gets fractured, does that mean the scan was right?  I had really hoped that with working out that I had built up my bones (and not just muscles) and that they would be stronger.  I am disappointed for I want to be rid of these pills. I don't like putting 'stuff' in my body, except what I WANT to put in it.  But - I am getting older and in older people this does happen.  Is this a reality check?  

I've asked God to let me live to 103.  Why that age?  Because the oldest one in my entire family that I'm aware of was my Aunt Grace, my mama's sister, who lived to 102.  So why can't I live to 103?  But to do so, I want to do it healthy.  I asked God that if I can't be healthy, then take me sooner, but if He will keep my body strong and healthy (and I do have to do my part in that), I want to be the oldest living person in my family line. Wouldn't that be cool?

USPS had me throwing a hissy fit yesterday.  I paid extra for a package to be delivered to my sister and it was to be delivered yesterday by 9PM.  Guess what.  It wasn't.  If it didn't arrive by Saturday, tomorrow, I was going down to the post office and ask for my money back.  Yes, if you pay to get something there by a certain time and it doesn't arrive, they will refund your entire package cost.  I know, because it happened before on a package and I was surprised they not only gave me back the extra, but the entire postage I had paid.  Well, at 3:31AM this morning, because I signed up for tracking on the package (one package a few months ago went to Chicago, then to Florida, before going to Indiana!!).  USPS on one text said 'expected delivery' and a second one came with 'out for delivery'.  So I should get a call this morning I'm hoping.  I had sent the afghan I had made for her friend in this package as well as several other things for my little sister.  Grateful they found the package.  Every time I checked tracking last night it was still in Phoenix!

Hubby is getting ready to head out to his Bible study this morning.  Which means I have a couple hours alone. With work, of course.  But it shouldn't be too busy today. At least that's what I'm hoping.  I'm so ready for this week to be over with.  I am wanting to play with my baking and work on my projects.  I need to call a granddaughter who bakes awesome bread and have her come teach me - or at least walk me through - some things on this sourdough starter mix.  I ordered from King Arthur and need to go pick up their flour at the store.  I got a package from them the other day, but the starter had leaked out of the container, so I contacted them.  They are sending me a new one.  My granddaughter had offered a start from hers some time ago, but I had turned it down then.  But she hasn't brought bread over for awhile - not that she needs to or has to - but I want to make some for Christmas gifts and I need to learn how to do it.  I even bought some bags to put it in. I've been thinking how fun it would be to fix small baskets up for my neighbors for Christmas of bread and jam, and maybe salsa and chips and pickles. I am getting antsy to get back to canning pickles and jams and well, the salsa has to wait until just before Christmas or it will ferment.  I usually make quarts for everyone, but I think I'm going to pints this year. (erase, erase). :-)  I need to go buy more pint jars as I go through them quickly.  Some return the quarts, pints, empty - but they return them.  Others don't.  And that's ok. It's part of their gift.  They can put change in them. :-)  LOL But most return for refills at some point.

Which reminds me, I need to make salsa and at least one jar of pickles this weekend.  My boss' birthday is Tuesday and we are meeting on Wednesday for our 'breakfast Admin meeting' so that I can give her the gifts.  I don't think I have bought anything for her yet so will need to get out this weekend and do that as well.  Boss' day is October 16th so I may as well give her those gifts.  I did buy a couple things for her - a book that is blank on the inside, but the cover says 'things I wanted to say in a meeting but didn't'.  And a candle which has on it something like 'being your employee is gift enough'.  I did send her a birthday danish pastry from O&H Danish Bakery which should arrive on her birthday at her home. She is a special person to me and I owe a lot to her for letting me tag along with her on this work journey.  

I've been trying to remember what cookies I made for my kids last year when I gave them the 'mama loves you' plates. I had told them I didn't get them back - but of course I relented and two have returned them. I asked the youngest the other day about his plate; he said I had said it wasn't to come back - but I told him the others had so if he wants a refill this year, to get it back to me.  With little ones at his house now, cookies would probably be welcomed.  White chocolate chip macadamia nut for my oldest son, I'm thinking it was.... cheesecake cookies do it for my daughter... and I think the youngest wanted chocolate chip almond or something like that.  I will have to ask him for I don't remember as it was something that normally doesn't go together, I think.  But I love to bake for them and would do it more often - but they don't need the cookies either!

Which reminds me.... I told the youngest he needs to come over with his granddaughter (without the spouse) some time in December and we bake cookies together.  Then in our discussion we sorta decided I would take care of his granddaughter and he would take hubby out to a movie.  Win win - right?  I had forgotten and yesterday I mentioned that we need to get a date on the calendar for he and his granddaughter to come over to bake cookies.... he corrected me and said that he would drop her off - and would take hubby off my hands - we both will be baby-sitting.  HAH!

I know hubby enjoys the attention when anyone takes him out for a meal or movie and often comments that he feels left out when I get to do something with family and he isn't included.  There is nothing I can say.  I don't tell him I feel left out when he goes to have breakfast or lunch with his friends.  I need to have lunch with my friend Melonie - I just can't find the time.  But maybe I can today.  I'll have to check the work calendar and see if I can run away for an extended lunch.

Matthew 6:33 (NIV):  But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

I'm sure I have elaborated on this sentence before, but have you really stop to think about what it means?  We often ask God for everything. Whether it is good test results, financial help, wisdom to know what to do, healing of family members - but are we just asking Him.... and not seeking Him?  His Word tells us that if we seek HIM first, not that He will give us all we ask for, but He will be with us to attain all that we desire.  If we don't receive what we ask for, it doesn't mean we didn't seek Him enough, it just means His answer was 'no'.  Sometimes we ask amiss.  I know I do.  I know other people who ask amiss as well.  I'm sure you know some as well.

For example - if you are a spender - whether on nonsense things or even buying for other people or spending a lot of money for things you may not really need, or going out to eat a lot - and money is tight and you've blown the budget..... such as it is..... and you ask God for financial help.... that doesn't make sense, does it?   We withhold our tithe because we don't have money enough to pay the bills, we think, and then stop to grab some hamburgers for lunch.   We didn't put God first.  

When we put God first, all things will work out for His good - and our good.  I truly believe that.  I have seen His hand upon our finances, I have seen His answers to prayers when in desperation we cried out to Him for help.  I have seen His hand in healings.  I have felt His comfort when I am grieving and alone.  I have felt His presence when I needed a friend.  I have heard His voice - and that is the best thing ever.  

Seek Him first.  You will never regret it. It's not just about money.  It's about choosing Him to be Lord of your life, and in all that you do.  We don't have to be perfect to come to Him; He accepts us just as we are.  If He can take me from where I was, and bring me to where I am - still not perfect, but know that I am His - then He will do it for you.  Will you let Him?

Blessings!

A lot on my mind....

 My middle child did not make it over yesterday as planned; appointments don't always get processed as planned.  BUT - he did text me later and is now taking me out to eat in a couple weeks.  I love those times when we can just catch up - just like when he stopped by with Rainbow donuts a week ago.  Those are the memories I hold on to.

My youngest did stop by yesterday and pick up a couple jars of salsa... it's been a couple weeks and one had already gone bad and had to be dumped, but he took two jars and said they'd probably be gone that night.  I should have called him a week ago, but life gets in the way.  

I think I mentioned the other day that I got a request to come back for a 2nd mammogram and ultrasound.... I'm not concerned about it, been through that before.  I find it interesting that the very spot they said they want to look at, I remember it hurting before I went, and it is hurting this morning.  But - I am believing still it is nothing more than fatty tissue bumping in to each other.

Speaking of fatty tissue... and this is troubling me and bringing me down.  I'm fighting back, I'm fighting against it.  I went to the gym last night for my workout and my trainer wanted to do what is called 'InBody' which measures muscle, fat, water, etc. in your body.  It's been two months since I had it done.  And yes, two months ago it showed I was fat.  He said I didn't need to drink a gallon of water a day as I had been trying to do - which showed an excess of water in my body... so I cut back some.  Now I know I don't eat perfectly, and you know I love my chocolate and I often 'cheat' and eat things that I shouldn't be eating if I want to lose weight.  I thought I had been doing fairly well with my eating habits ... not perfect, but was paying more attention, I thought.

He took the InBody test.... and then he wouldn't even let me see it.  That was the first sign something was off. He finally said only one line went down (my weight had gone up ANOTHER 3 pounds!)... and didn't say what it was... but obviously it wasn't my fat being changed for muscle.  I struggled through the workout, which was changed and he really pushed me to do more reps and heavier weights.  I pushed though and completed all he wanted to - and got my heart rate up to 127 at one point.  He said I really need to get it up to 146.  Something about you take 200 and minus your age, then the remaining number is what your heart rate should get to if you want to lose weight.  Something about metabolism.  He never did show me the paper and I asked him to send me a copy, but he hasn't yet.  I'll send him a reminder as I won't see him again until Monday.  It was depressing news as I have really been pushing on my workouts... but in reality, twice a week good workouts just aren't enough.  I should have also been on the treadmill and doing things here at home.  If I don't want to be embarrassed next time, I probably should kick my butt in gear and do some things here at home.  Afterall, that's what I have the equipment here for, right?  It's just hard to do when hubby's here.  I don't like being questioned nor watched.\  It's just me.

My trainer also told me he didn't think I was eating enough protein - i.e., chicken and fish - and he is probably right.  I cook just enough to get by with... and supplement it with veggies... so he gave me a gram figure but I don't remember what it was.... but I am resolved to eat more chicken and fish.  I stopped at Bashas on my way home and picked up a rotesserie chicken and raw veggie tray and that was our dinner last night.  I'm embarrassed about the InBody test not being good; I had really expected it to show I had gained a lot of muscle and lost some fat.  But if I want to lose weight, and I do, I need to be more focused on what I'm eating, quit skipping meals, and quit nibbling and calling it a meal.  At least protein shakes are enjoyable and I can make in different flavors - chocolate or vanilla or strawberry.  Got to cut back on my sugar and carbs.   I.Can.Do.This.   And of course hubby needs to do it too so I don't have to prepare extra food for him.  He's not losing cause he eats out so much... which usually causes me not to eat here at home cause I don't have to cook. I need to look beyond that and make a shake at least.

So there you have it - a couple things that are weighing me down this morning.  The InBody report though, that was a kick to the stomach, and my trainer knew it, which is probably why he didn't let me see it.  But on the positive side.... I am a lot stronger (I have biceps!) than I was three months ago.  I just still have this fat belly and butt.  But this too shall pass, mama alwsays said so.  True, she wasn't referring to my body fat, but whenever troubles came around, my mama could be heard saying "this too shall pass"... and it always did.  

I got a surprise this morning - on my phone is a text from my big brother that says he has sent me a package and it will be arriving tomorrow!  He is always surprising me with gifts.  One time it was a box of chocolate - remember that? - it was a few years ago and it arrived in the summer.  I told him don't send chocolate in the summer anymore.  Not to this state.  But after cooling in the refrigerator for a couple hours, there was no problem in popping them in my mouth. Oh there I go again! food!

I have a dermatologist appointment this morning early so need to stop early and jump in the shower.  This is to be just a yearly screening, and occasionally he freezes a couple moles and sometimes he will scape and send off.  I'm sure all is fine and it's good to get checked out.  When I was growing up back in the midwest, our 'thing' was laying out in the sun and getting burned and then tanned.  That is what we are watching for now - could any thing be changing.  Little did we know back then what it could cause when we get older.

There is a song by Bethel Music called "Goodness of God".  That song is one of my favorites and it is running through my mind this morning....

"All my life You have been faithful.  All my life you have been good, so good. With every breath that I am able, I will sing of the goodness of God."

I have found that no matter how many fires I have gone through in my life, His goodness is always running after me.  He is always so close to me, holding me, walking with me through every fire.  And you know what?  When you are following Him, He will not leave you in the fire alone.  When you get to the fire, He will walk with you THROUGH the fire.  No matter what that fire is... when you follow Jesus, He will always walk with you through it.

He is with you when you struggle.  He is with you when you walk through the shadows of the valley of death.  He is with you with a child is born and you feel so much love and joy. He is with you when life is hard. He is with you in the court case.  He is with you in your job.  Jesus will never leave your side, when you choose Him as your best friend.  He is a friend whom is closer than a brother.  

There is no fear when Jesus is near.  Do you know Him?  Do you trust Him?  I've shared things on here that I haven't shared with others - not even hubby at this point - many days I've shared things that it has been easier to share what I feel on here than in person.  But through it all.... I know that Jesus is walking with me.  I have no fear of what the future holds, for I know Who holds my future.

Blessed is the name of the Lord.  

Blessings!