What to talk about....

 A couple of my children and their families - rather, some of them - are heading up north today for different reasons.  I've spent some time this morning praying for their vehicles, for travel mercies, and for success of the reasons they are heading up.  One to one city, and the other others to another. One will come back tonight; another tomorrow.  So today, I get to feed a dog.  Bentley.  I love Bentley.  Especially since I don't have Sheeba anymore.  I told my son, when he asked if I could stop by and let Bentley out and feed him, that Bentley loves me so of course I would!  Why does Bentley love me?  Because I love on him when I go over - which isn't that often, for sure.  But, Bentley loves me and I love him.  My son's response?  "Whatever".  LOL  Tomorrow I get to go feed my daughter's cats - Lily and Chole - who also love me.  Whenever I go over they will, most times, allow me to pet them.  Yeah, I'm a pet person.  At least for dogs and cats. 

It was hard to get up this morning and I did think about sleeping longer... but it's Wednesday and 'pill day' so needed to get up and get it taken care of.  Which I did.  Hubby has his 2nd training this morning so will be heading out in another hour or so.  I hope it makes him less cranky....he again had a bad day of letting me know I 'frown' all thetime.  He doesn't consider the fact that he depresses me so with his words and actions and doesn't give me anything to smile about.  Ah, enough of that.  I didn't go to my daughter's last night and stayed home so heard it all before he left...but when he returned, seemed to be in a better mood.

Yes, I stayed home last night and actually got on the treadmill for 45 minutes.  I put my kindle fire on the treadmill stand and watched "Heaven's Fire" (you really need to watch it!!) whiel I walked.  Didn't notice the time that much since I was caught up in the movie.  Lots of warfare.  Watched it on Amazon Prime - only $3.99.  Maybe I can get hubby to watch it tonight - I 'get it' for 48 hours after I purchase it.  Some movies are worth paying the $3.99 to watch.  This is one of them.  In fact, if my kids would watch it, I'd pay the $3.99 for each one!  It put a lot of things in perspective for me.

Hubby has always complained about his dad yelling at him growing up, especially playing football.  I know his dad was proud of him (and that he loved me!) but I guess he had a difficult way of showing it when hubby was growing up.  Hubby's dad was adopted so never knew his biological parents.  Anyway, this movie showed this man doing the very things his dad had done and not seeing that he was doing the same thing..... and I realize that hubby is doing what his dad did.  I wonder if he picked on his wife like hubby picks on me at times.  Might be a conversation piece.

I signed us up for Ancestry.com several years ago but I made the mistake of putting hubby and my account as one - when it should ahve been two.  Yesterday I was working with them, trying to move his DNA to another account so that he could go in and see who is actually related to him, and possibly work on a family tree.  I'm sure I didn't do it right and will need to ask my youngest son, who is on it as well, to come over and help get the accounts straightened out.  Of course I haven't been on it long enough to even know how it comes together.

I also checked out 23andMe that we are on.  I'm pretty sure hubby has his own account on that one, but we haven't played with it either.  Yesterday I looked at it and was surprised to see that they are now saying that with more testing, I am 98% British/Irish.  Now that is interesting.  Of course there are other 'nationalities' mixed in... it's interesting, for sure.  Some day, when I really have the time to do so, I'd like to dig deeper into 'from where I came'.  I know my dad's parents, his brothers.... but after my dad passed away, we didn't have as much contact.  My mother's side of the family we have all pretty much kept in contact with various ones.  Now with all my aunts and uncles (but one sister/aunt on my dad's side), we have lost a lot of contact.  My siblings kept in pretty much contact with a lot of the cousins.  One of my brothers always said that certain siblings take after our mother's side of the family; and a couple of us take after the other more.  There may be some truth in that, although I dearly love both sides of my family.  Mama's side was country; dad's side was 'city-folk'.  Interesting contrast.  I'm a little bit country and city.  Isn't there a song about that?

I Thessalonians 4:16-17 (NKJV):  "For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus we shall always be with the Lord."

One thing for sure... it doesn't matter if we prefer country or city, we are all equal in the family of God.  Do you know what that feels like?  To belong to such a large family?  Yeah, there is strife at times even in the midst of the Lord's family, because people will always be people.  But when one is completely surrendered to the Lordship of Jesus Christ, they walk with Him.  I've known a few people who I know walked with Jesus daily.  I knew it from their behavior, and their actions.  They didn't put on a 'good behavior' for people when others were around; they were always loving and kind and always doing the right thing.  They have been my inspirations in following Jesus.  

And that is what each of us are.  If we profess Jesus Christ as Lord, we should be living as if He is coming back today.  We don't know when He will be coming back; our job is to be ready.  My sister, when we were talking, and I would always joke that we hoped that Jesus came when it was a 'good day' for us with our spouses!  But in reality, we should alwys be ready to be taken up in the heavens to be with Jesus.

And the end times are here.  We must all be ready to meet Him.  I honestly do not want to be here when the tribulations happen; and I can assure you we are already in the midst of those tribulations, and they are only going to get worse.  I don't want to be here for that, and I am already praying that my children will have the wisdom and strength to endure what is ahead.  I pray for their salvation, that they will come to depend on the Lord for their provisions, and not think they can do it all themselves.  They may think it's nothing now to struggle, but without Jesus to give you the peace that only the Holy Spirit can provide, they will continue to be miserable.  I struggle daily to be whom I feel God has called me to be.  Why my life is like it is - is becaues of my own choices made when I didn't know Him personally.  Head knowledge of God doesn't cut it; you must have a heart knowledge.  We often times have to suffer the consequences of our choices.  That comes in many ways; in health, in jobs, in spouses... on and on.

If Jesus came back today, would you be ready to be raised to the heavens with Him?   Would your spouse and children be ready?  Something to think about.

Blessings!

Back to work day..

 Yeah, it's Tuesday and I gotta go back to work.  Why do I gotta?  Cause I didn't take the day off, like many did.  I think all those that I support will be working today.  I did have to get on the computer for awhile yesterday as it was 'timecard Monday'.  I had already approved all the timecards before I signed off on Friday, but wanted to confirm I hadn't missed any, so got online to do that - and also schedule a meeting that I saw One wanted me to do.  All tht didn't take long.

Had a nice time at my daughter's and ate more than I had planned to, of course.  They had bought my favorite Limon chips, and of course we had 'white girl salsa'.   Lots of food.  And I ate lots.  Most went outside while my daughter and I cleaned up the dishes and put the leftovers away.  A granddaughter got in the pool so after I finished I changed and got in the pool (still too cold for me even at 87 degrees!) with her.  She talked and talked - LOL - and I heard about everything that has been going on with her this past month.  I just listened.  I told her how much I had been praying for her, and that Jesus is the only way for her to get her life put back together.  She surprised me by agreeing, and said she has been praying day and night, not only about her situation, but about a situation with her brother, and also for her little baby.  We aren't sure where the baby is right now and I think my son is going up north this week to see about getting him back and brought down here.  I encouraged my granddaughter to come down here to live after this ordeal so that family could help her, but she has to make wiser choices than in the past.  She said she is still thinking about it.

Sometimes God allows us to go deep in a journey of troubles, so that He can gently draw us to Him and we will be willing to seek Him.

Hubby had some issues going on yesterday and it seemed that he was snapping at me for everything.  I am coming to the conclusion he is afraid.  Not of me, but of things he is forgetting.  He started on me before we left the house, so I'm not sure what that was about.  On the way to the daughter's.... he asked if the way I have driven on Tuesdays at times was the fastest.  I don't know if it is the fastest, but it has less lights.  Then while we heading that way (with him driving, of course), he asked if he had to go the 'high road' (it's part of the road that goes up as it turns on Grand)... I was surprised, but just said, yes, we need to go over that and then as we came on the other side, reminded him it was the second light after that we turn on.  Then he asked if he took the sharp turn or the angled turn.  Yes, it concerns me; he has driven this way a few times, and he has ridden with me. Then when I changed to my swimsuit to get in the pool and came outside, he asked if I was going swimming.  ???  I said yeah, I had my swimsuit on....  after we got home last night he explained his question... I had worn black shorts over and the botom of my swimsuit is black shorts so he thought I had left my shorts on.  ???  Why would I get in the pool with my regular shorts on and change to a swimsuit top??  I just commented about the same and let it go.  He was mad all evening becuase I rejected his comment.  He knew he was in trouble ..LOL... he even sat next to me on the bench to eat lunch - veruss insisting he gets an end seat as he has in the past.  That is a definite sign that something is going on.

Hubby is meeting a friend for breakfast this morning (the one who has the start of Alzheimers) so he will be gone for a couple hours this morning.  Even though I have to work; looking forward to no interruptions.  He still feels he has to stop at the doorway and tell me everything the does and just about everything he plans to do.  

I think I need to start going to Goodwill and Savers to look for my books.  I'm sitting here and look at the binding of a book I bought from Thriftbooks, probably for $4, and see that it has a 'Goodwill' sticker on the binding. I think when people give their books to Goodwill or Savers, if they don't sell within a certain timeframe, they must donate/sale to Thriftbooks, who then sells them.   And I buy most of my books anymore from Thriftbooks.  I could save some money I bet if I go to Goodwill or Savers first and look at what they have.  Now that is a thought to kill a few hours of a day.  I do love my books.

Psalm 56:4 (NKJV):  "In God (I will praise His Word), In God I have put my trust; I will not fear.  What can flesh do to me?"

We've all heard the saying "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me."  And we all know that is a lie.  Words DO hurt.  Words DO cause pain.  We may put up a front and pretend and even tell ourselves it doesn't matter to us, but it really does.  When someone calls you a name; or if someone says something hateful to you, it hurts.  And it can be your spouse, a child, a friend.  It could be anyone to say it.  We often get told we are 'too sensitive' - ever been told that?  "You take things out of context, that may be what I said but not what I meant."  Yeah - I've heard all that.  But some words cut deep inside and kills, when we let it.  I've gone to the bottom of the pit and fought my way out again many times, as you, my reader, knows.  I tell way too much on here. But it is my 'therapy', if you will, to share some things and even to put them in 'print' in front of me... I'm able to clear my head and see how to respond to some things.  Do you do that as well?  And some things don't need to be said, nor do they need to be responded to.  And as you know, I have done that as well.

My sister and I are still somewhat estranged, and it is on her end, not mine.  I did delete the email she told me not to read and delete.  Yes, I read it first (like, what was so bad that I couldn't read it?)  It was her bringing up the past and blaming me for it.  I pretended I hadn't read it, but I"m sure she knew I had... and since then she does not answer my calls, nor return them.  We have very infrequently text'd a line or two.  And I've sent an email with casual 'hope you are doing well'.  I'm not playing the game anymore.  

"God can't take you to your future if you continue to live in the past."

You learn from the past; you don't live there.  I have a hoipe and a future - God's Word says so.

Jeremiah 29:11-13 (NKJV):  "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.  Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart."

He gives us a future and a hope.  It doesn't say anything about living in the psat.  Things happen; we forgive and move on. Doesn't mean we forget, but it means that we give those things that we cannot change in the past to Jesus and let Him deal with any of the consequences.  Our position is to look to the future and seek His face and allow Him to guide us in all that we do.  

Can you even imagine the mess I'd be if I chose to live in the past?  So grateful for Jesus, for His sacrifice for me, for His grace, for His forgiveness and for His love for me.  There is no greater love.

He loves you with that love too.  He died for you too.  Are you living in the past?  Isn't it about time you let that go and start living in the future God has for you?  Something to think about.

Blessings!

Not really a holiday....

 yet it is celebrated as one.  Memorial Day.  A day of remembrance of those who have given the greatest sacrifice; their lives for this country.  I can remember 'way back when' and how we 'celebrated' Memorial Day when I was growing up.  For many it was going to the cemetery to put flowers on a grave of a loved one.  At that time, my relatives graves were all in Tennessee, so we didn't do that.  Back then the Indianapolis 500 Mile Race was also ran on Memorial Day, so the step-father was always at the track as he was one of many 'safety patrol' (as they called them then) who directed traffic for the 500 mile race.  I can see in my mind, after I was married and moved away, of doing my ironing (yes, back then I did iron!) and watching the race on TV.  It was - and still is - big in Indianapolis - although probably not as big as we it was in 'my day'.  

Speaking of race day, during the month of May, each weekend was trials and my step-father had to go each Saturday and Sunday to direct the traffic for those who attended.  On Sundays, Mother would get up early and fry chicken and fix food to go with it and we'd pack it in a picnic basket and immediately after church we would head over to the racetrack.  My stepfather had a section he was responsible for and a place was reserved for his vehicle to park on the grass next to the track.  We always parked there, ate our lunch, then my little brother and I would take off and roam the racetrack grounds, picking up bottles and cans to cash in.  We never feared for our safety and roamed all over that place.  People would sit on their cars to watch the qualifications - women in swimsuits soaking up the sun and men sitting around drinking their beer.  We did that every year, as long as my step-father was involved with the safety patrol.  Seems like he did it for 25 years so he was doing it before he and my mother got married in June, 1959.

One special memory I have of the qualifications at the 500 Race Track.  I had met my first husband at a church youth event at a friend's house.  We 'clicked'.  I wasn't 'allowed' to date, and was actually seeing someone else who didn't come to church with me, but I worked with at W.T.Grant.  We got him a ticket so that he could meet us at the racetrack.  He rode a motorcycle and my step-father thought he was being funny by driving real slow through the gates and through the land to get to where we were to park.  May 7, 1967 was the first time my first husband and I were actually 'together'.... in that I mean he had lunch with us and he and I got to walk the grounds together.  I always considered that our 'first date'.  We had met in January 1967 at the church youth party and had seen each other at church... oddly, I don't remember much between January and May of seeing him.  Perhaps he didn't come that often.  Anyway, that was our first time together and ... by May 29th we were 'going together'.   I've always said we met in January, had our first date May 7th, engaged in October, and were married December 9th... all the same year.  Ah.. the memories of that time; many good, many bad.  But enough of that.  Interesting that thinking about Memorial Day has brought back that memory.  Of course it seems I often have memories come back at odd times.  Little triggers will start something. 

We didn't do 'get togethers' for Memorial day back in 'my day'.... many people were at the race track so the thought of a cookout didn't happen, at least not that I can remember.  But today, there will be a cookout at my daughter's and we have been invited to go over there.  They put up their swimming pool a few weeks ago so hopefully it has warmed up enough to where I might get in it.  Got to be at least 90 degrees or I freeze.  Yeah.  I was not cut out to be a fish.  My youngest son and two of his chidlren and his wife will be there too, so I may not get in at all. I prefer laying on a raft and just relaxing as I float and not have a lot of splashing about me, which is what will probably happen.  Have I gotten so old that I just don't enjoy those things anymore?  Or is it that I have allowed life to be sucked out of me to where I can't do them anymore...........

We had a great service yesterday at church.  Powerful.  I may listen to it again some time this week if I have a chance... which may not happen.... I haven't listened to the last one that I wanted to listen to again.  When I could listen to it, I forget about it.  

Yesterday was a quiet day after church.  I heated leftovers for lunch and hubby wanted to watch the baseball game (and sleep).  He offered to put on the headset and I agreed - which allowed me the opportunity to read.  I finished up two of the books that I had been reading - which made me feel like I did get something done yesterday!  We did watch a movie last night.  Sigh. I know he offers to keep the TV off if I prefer... but his tone of voice is one that shows he really would rather watch a movie.  We watched 'A Man Named Otto' starring Tom Hanks.  My daughter kept telling me it was a good movie to watch.  Well, the language alone was nearly enough for me to turn it off, but we watched it.  I tried to look past the language and the attempts Otto made, and look at his heart and what he was doing for his community.  Don't want to say too much about it.  It was a good movie... and a true story, I hear... but I also see how God intervened many times in his life, although it was never mentioned.  And yes, I cried at the end.

Hubby has gone to the gym this morning for a training session.  He will be going Mondays and Wednesdays, and I will go Tuesdays and Thursdays... but I don't start until next week.  I decided to wait for the first full week in June to start.  Procrastination?  Probably.  Once I get off here and get dressed, maybe I'll get on the treadmill for awhile here.  

Psalm 103:17-18 (NLT):  "But the love of the Lord remains forever with those who fear Him.  His salvation extends to the children's children of those who are faithful to His covenant, of those who obey His commandments."

God gives us promsies, like the one above, when we choose to follow Him.  He loves us. Each one of us.  Yeah, even you, who choose to perhaps believe that He is, but choose also not to follow Him, instead, following the ways of the world.  But because someone in your lineage followed Jesus, the Lord promises that His love will remain forever to the children's children.   Since I choose Jesus, my children's children are included in this covenant.  Because you or your spouse have chosen Jesus, His love is extended to your children's children.  That may be all you have right now... but some day, there will be additional little ones added to your lineage.... will they also have the love of the Lord forever, because you followed in His footsteps?  Will your childrne's children's children come to know the love of Jesus if we don't start at the very top to teach it to our own children?  Taking the children to church isn't all there is.  We need to live the example we want them to follow.  We can teach them all about Jesus.... but if we don't show them how to live with Jesus in the heart; keeping Him on the outside, and in our head knowledge and not the heart knowledge... we have failed.  There are so many years that I regret.  So many things I've done that I failed to show Jesus to my children.  I know that I am forgiven for not knowing Jesus as Lord and not teaching my children about Him... I just did what I was taught growing up.  I took them to church.

But it took one Sunday morning for me to realize my sinfulness and that Jesus is the only way to a satisfying life, and I knew I had to change.   What will it take for you?

As we 'enjoy' this day off work (for some of us) and gather with friends and/or family - or even just stay at home....  take a few minutes not only to thank those who died serving our country....  but re-evaluate your life and where you stand with Jesus.  Today may be the best decision you ever make...if it is to follow Him.  He made the greatest sacrifice of life.  He took all my sins - and all your sins, and bore the burden of them as a sacrifice of His body was made.  

Blessings!

And...... I did it.

 I kid you not... it took me between 3 and 4 hours to get this set up the way I wanted it - and I'm sure I'm going to make some more changes as well.  I started with the top left drawer and started going through it, and moved through all the drawers and shelves of this old desk that is in the 'non exercise room'.    I cleaned it off, got rid of a lot of cards... cards that come in the mail all the time from places that want me to send them money.  I started sorting them out - and many of the cards are also those I have bought in boxes.  I pulled out the few I wanted to keep and I put everything else in a box to take to Savers.  I filled the box, and it is about 8-10 inches high - yes, I had that many!  And there are more in my other desk, but I'm not going to worry about those for right now.  This desk is the one that I wanted to clear off.

Found a desk lamp out in the garage - you know the kind - it's metal and it has the elongated 'neck' with the light at the end.  Yeah... I brought it in, but I think I'm going to look for another type of light.  For one, when you first turn this one on, it is so brighr you can't open your eyes.  And two, it generates heat.  Now, I'm always cold, so generated heat shouldn't be a problem... right?  But, it really does generate heat and it is even too distracting for me.  I am thinking a lamp that will stand on the floor and hang over the desk.  I don't want a desk light - there isn't that much room here (and I still need to move pitchers and glasses from the top of the desk).

I have also found that hubby grunts and moves a bit in his chair - LOL - as I am sure I do, and I'm sure he can hear the typing of the computer.... or not.  He's down to one hearing aid right now.  Something has happened to the one and he took it to Costco yesterday and they needed to send it off to be fixed.  It will be about a week or so before he gets it back.   

I don't have the 'quiet' that I had in the back bedroom, but I am awake and close to the coffee pot. :-)  My first cup is already gone.  I don't always have a second cup, but some mornings it is nice.  Especially if I don't have to get ready for work. Of course this morning we will be going to church so I need to jump in to the shower very shortly now.

Today is Pentecost Sunday.  Don't know what that means?  Read the book of Acts.  In fact, I have been reading in the book of Acts for a few days now. I also pulled out a book I've gone through several times titled Acts 29  by Dr. Terry Tekyl.  I heard him speak years ago and bought the book then.  It has been 50 days since the Holy Spirit landed as tongues of fire upon the 120 people in the upper room who were there praying.  Wouldn't it be awesome if the tongues of fire would fall on our people today?  I mean, I know several people who do speak in tongues.... but to actually hear the rush of wind and see it!  How amazing that would be!  

Another book I am reading, Fear of the Lord by John Bevere shares how he went to a revival meeting in South America and people were just talking and not paying attention to the singing or any of the speakers, and God showed him that they didn't have the fear of the Lord.  When it was his time to speak, he waited until it got quiet... and told them what the Lord had spoken to him; that they didn't fear the Lord so the Lord wasn't there.... long story short... things changed and they came with a focused heart to worship and the fear of the Lord was there and a rushing wind was heard inside the building and people started speaking in tongues.  Never have I witnessed such a thing, but I have read numerous books on this topic.  We are in the last days.... are you ready for them?

Jesus said in Acts 1:7-8 (NKJV):  "And He said to them, "It is not for you to know times or seasons which the Father has put in His own authority. But you shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shall be witnesses to Me in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.""

The end of time is coming when God will say 'ENOUGH' of all that is happening in our world.  Our job is to be ready for Him; to be sharing the Word to others and to live for Him.  We are to be His examples on earth; sharing the gospel and living the truth.  Are we?  

Are we being an example we want our children, our grandchildren, to follow?  Do we want our lives to become theirs by our example?  I have fallen short of being what I should have been.  But I pray daily for each one and pray that they don't make the mistakes I did... and that they will each one turn their eyes to Jesus and will be able to say with a clear heart -

"Though none go with me, I will still follow Him."

Blessings!

I have an idea.....

Yesterday afternoon (while hubby was focused on his computer), I was walking around the house (quietly) and something made me sit down at the desk that is out in the back 'non-exercise room'.  You know why I call it that; it rarely gets used, and when it is, only for a short time.  Anyway, I don't know what drew me to the desk but I was looking at the clutter on it and thinking I really ought to find a place for that stuff - and some things - as you know - just need to go into the Savers bag and don't look twice at it.  We have pens and pencils up the yang yang.  You know how we collect them.  We have a favorite pen and gasp! it runs out of ink so we buy a box this time. Only, somewhere we get anotehr pen and like it too, so then we start using it, and then we get another, and another... and we are bombarded with pens... and we rarely use any of them now.  Can you remember back so far to remember when we would buy the refills for the ballpoint pens?  And can you remember when BIC came out with their first un-refillable pen and everyone was in awe because they were like 19 cents a piece and everyone bought several of them?  It was relieving to be able to throw them away when they ran out of ink and we didn't have to buy a refill.  Do you remember those days?  Ah, but now I'm getting sidetracked.

Yes, I have several items on that desk that need to be disposed of that I never use.  For some reason, as I sat down in front of it, my mind started to get an idea.  Besides cleaning it off, I mean.

I've commented quite a bit lately how I need to find another place to do my quiet time.  And I am thinking I have found just the place.  I just feel so clustered in here, and it is so easy to lean back in the recliner and go back to sleep - and then my time with God is gone and I have to get to work, or like today, it will soon be time for me to come out hiding and face the real world.  I've shared before how Dr. Charles Stanley had his room to be with God.  How I wish I had an extra room!  I've even thought  about the closet next to the front door - but - there is no window and no air gets in there.  

But this desk... I told my daughter the only reason it is still where it is... is because a grandson put 7 coats of shellac on it so that I could use the top without getting a splinter.  It is an old 'secretary desk' without the pull down cover.  And it's large.  I didn't know he was doing it for me.  When we moved in here, it was brought over.  It was not wide enough with the extra drawers to use for work (monitor, laptop, etc.) so it is in the non-exercise room.  Gathering dust.  And clutter. 

I'm getting around to it..... really I am.... keep reading.  I think I will go sit down at that desk again today and really think through what came to my mind.  Why not clean it out (the drawers and cubicles) and bring my laptop, my books, my Bible, etc. and put there.  Why not make it my new place to do my quiet time?  I would be sitting up, which would (in most cases) keep me from relaxing enough to fall back to sleep.  I would have a desk to have my books on and I could have only those that I am reading there, instead of the stack I have here next to my chair.  (perhaps I could clean up the clutter in this corner!)  My laptop would be there (as a rule, I only use it in the mornings anyway; rarely any other time) for me to type in each morning.  Hubby would be at his desk, with the kitchen separating us.  The only time I would hear him is when he would make my coffee and bring to me.  The more I think about the idea, the more I am thinking I will work on it this weekend.  

I WANT to stay awake and it has gotten so easy to curl up and go back to sleep in here.  As you have also heard me say, the clutter around me, and the fact I am in here nearly all day with work, I feel depressed with being in prison.  I will have windows all around me that I can open when it is light outside.  Yes, the exercise equipment is in there, but they are spaced out so it isn't too bad.  But I have space around the desk.  Does any of this make sense or is it just me rambling?  Ah... don't answer that.

I've always based my wanting a room to where I could 'shut the door' based on this scripture:

Matthew 6:6 (NKJV): "But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place, and your Father who sees in secret, will reward you openly."

And, watching The War Room - a movie I dearly love - it instills such a desire within me to have a place to just spend it with God and be in His Presence.  Yes, I know that He is everywhere, but some days, His Presence when alone with Him is so precious you just don't want to leave.

But then, later in that chapter, I read....

Matthew 6:33 (NKJV):  "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you."

So it doesn't really matter WHERE I spend my time with God... it is more important that I CHOOSE to spend time with Him.  Does that make sense?   If I seek Him first, no matter where I am, I will be blessed by His Presence.  

I can remember when the children lived at home and my quiet time was spent on the sofa in the living room.  I can remember reading my Bible, doing my study, and then getting down on my knees beside the sofa and praying.  Unfortunately, now I have become so comfortable (and warm) in my recliner in here, I don't always get down on my knees (shame on me!) and pray, but will either write out my prayers or just sit here and say them.  I need to be more purposeful in praying.  I know He hears me, regardless of my position, but in my heart, I always feel closer to Him when I'm on my knees.

So I am going to end this with encouraging you to reflect on how your spend your time with God.  Do you even give Him any of your day?  Can you think back to a time in your youth when you wanted to serve Him, and would read your Bible and spend time praying to Him?  Oh how I wish you had those times and remember them!  There is nothing like coming back to Him and surrendering your life to Him and letting Him take over.

You may think your life is just fine right now, and that you don't need to turn to Him.  But can you just imagine for a moment how much better your life would be if you DID surrender your life, your spouse, your family, to Him and ask for His hand upon you, upon all that you do?  Oh that you would think on that!  

I know He still has a lot to do in my life, and every day I have to surrender my own wants and wishes.. and give them to Him and ask Him to take over.  I can't do anything without Him.  And I'm glad it is that way, because I have really made a mess of a lot of things.  I don't want to pass any generational curses down in my family and I pray that God will break every one of them that have been passed down to me.

Glory to God!  All praise and all worship belongs to Him alone.  Take some time to thank Him for all He has done for you - whether you have asked Him for it - or not.  Just think how much more He would do for you...... if you would but ask Him...

Blessings!

It was a good day...

 I had numerous meetings sent to me to schedule yesterday morning, so I completed what I could, then headed off to Mesa for the meeting.  I took my time getting there and since I wasn't really on a time schedule, could visit with those at the security desk for a little while before heading back to where the meeting was going on.  I went in the room and my boss came over to give me a hug. :-)  I am special.  She went back to the meeting area and I pulled up a chair at a side table and pulled out my computer to work while I waited for the lunch to arrive.  And, about an hour later, lunch arrived on time and I brought it back and set it up.  They broke for lunch and the sandwiches that were left over, I brought home.  We had some for dinner and the rest are in the refrigerator and I'm hoping they will still be good today.  There were only perhaps 4 sandwiches cut in two.  I did ask Ms. Vicki if she wanted any, but she declined.  Guess what is for lunch today!

I was pretty tired last night and went to bed around 8PM.  Hubby just doesn't understand I'm not as young as I used to be; I'm not as active, mentally or physically, as I used to be.  I do tend to get tired more easily and if I am tired, I should be able to go to bed without a lot of comments.  He stayed up for awhile.  I was still tired and sleepy when I got up this morning... and yes, I did fall asleep after he brought my coffee in. Some mornings I just can't help it; I need that extra half hour or hour of sleep.   Which is why I'd like to change my morning routine... but need to figure out what to do.

Hubby will be heading off to his Bible study this morning with his friends.  Whoo Hoo!  As I mentioned before, he was in this group a few years ago but when we moved, it was too far for him to drive to. They are much closer now so he is thrilled to be a part of that group.  We've known these men for years from our former church.  I'm glad he's going; he is lost during the day with nothing to do.  How one can stay on his computer or phone all day, I have no idea.  Perhaps it is because I have to be on the work computer all day.  I am on my phone at night more than I like to be...and I'm going to put a stop to that.  I feel like I waste so much time - when I could be reading!! - if I am on my phone just skimming through social media.  Anything important, someone will let me know, right?

So looking forward to this long weekend.  My daughter has invited us over for Memorial Day to swim and a cookout.  I love a good grilled hamburger.  And potato chips.  I suppose I should ask if I can bring something.  That would be nice.  

Sunday is Pentecost Sunday.  Tonight one of our churches is having a Pentecost service.  I'm not sure if we will be going; hubby hasn't mentioned it.  I may ask him later.  I heard that last year it was so awesome with 40 different nations showing up at this church and everyone was praying in their own language; was singing the worship songs in their own language.  Just like it was on the day of Pentecost.  Everyone heard in their own language the words of God.  I'm sure that is an experience one wouldn't forget.  

But today.... I have meetings to schedule that I didn't get done yesterday.  By 4PM I was tired and decided to just shut the computer off.  I was 'done'.   It shouldn't be too bad; I'll get these meetings scheduled this morning and since most everyone will be in 'long weekend' mode, hopefully the afternoon will be fairly quiet.  I still need to check on my computer, but I can at least step aweay if I don't have things to get done.

There is something tomorrow morning, I think... but I'm drawing a blank right now on what it could be.  Maybe I'm thinking of another weekend.... all my days seem to be running together.  

John 3:17 (NKJV):  "For God did not send His Son into tnto the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved."

I watched a video the other day where someone was commenting 'would they have to give up smoking pot if they became a Christian?' and the response was 'no'.  So they rephrased it.. "would I have to give up smoking anything if I became a Christian?"  Again, the response was no.  So then they were asked if they clean up before taking a shower?  Jesus doesn't tell us we need to 'clean up our act' before He will accept us..... He accepts us just as we are - dirty, filthy people, full of sin - and as He works in us, we CHOOSE to give up the things of the world... just to be His.  He clothes us in robes of white righteousness.... because He died for us, we are washed in His blood and are clean, when we accept Him.  Oh that we all would turn from the worldly things we hold on to and let Jesus be our satisfaction!  He truly is all we need.

Praying for you today, that you will pause and know that He is God and the things of this world, man-made things, are not.  Make Jesus your God, not things made by man.

Blessings!

I did a little cheat....

 and you know what... it wasn't as good as it sounded.  Yep.  On our way home from church last night I allowed my emotions/desires to get in the way.  Hubby had 'let' me drive and then proceeded to tell me where to turn in at the church.  I bit my tongue, and told myself it doesn't matter which entrance I go in... just do it and keep peace.  So I went in the way he told me to go in. Afterwards I took an exit I got questioned on why.  On the way home, I got in the lane to turn on to Bell Road.  "Why aren't you going up to Union Hills?"  "Because I am taking Bell Road?"  (Does it even matter WHICH way I decide to drive home?)  "Well there are more lights on this road."  Ok, by now I'm irritated and wanting ice cream.  I mentally argued with myself... save the money; just go home.  Yap Yap Yap.  I turn in to Freddie's and go through the drive through.  "I didn't know you were going here. Why are you going here?"  sigh.  I ordered two chocolate cones.  I should have gotten the vanilla.  Anyway... we get them and they are barely one scoop (think ice cream like DQ in a cone, but maybe 1.5 inches above the top of the cone).... and the charge was a little over $8.  Are you kidding me?  Over $4 for that little thing?  Yeah, I know it is custard, but still.....  I didn't enjoy it near as much as I thought I would.  And hubby continued with his little triade of directions and challenges and of course the gym.... sigh.

Ah... the gym.  He comes home yesterday morning and tells me that he told the trainer how sore I was.  I had not told him I was sore.  I reminded hubby I had not said I was sore.  Oh but he knew I was and I had mentioned I was a little sore the night before.  And he justified it by saying that the trainer had asked if I was sore.  Now I had given explicit orders to the trainer (yes, unfortunately, we have the same one) NOT to talk about me... perhaps I need to remind him.   I will let this one go... but ...  Hubby came home with all kinds of information about this trainer.  And of course had to comment that the trainer had told him that he (hubby) knew how to breathe while exercising; most people don't.  Oh - and yes, as yesterday went on, by last night (because I had sat all day)... the areas I worked were really sore... but I will NOT tell hubby and I am trying my best to walk normally, albeit awkwardly.  I don't actually start my training until week after next so need to run to the gym this weekend and work on loosing up some of the tightness.  I'm sure if I get on the treadmill for awhile that will help.  

As mentioned yesterday, I get to do a run down to Mesa this morning.  My boss offered to pick up the water and extra things that is needed for this meeting - and I'm letting her.  I told her the deli was to bring plates, napkins and forks... but I have some here and will be taking those, just in case they forget.  Or maybe I will call them and double check they will be bringing them and I won't even need to do that.  Once I get off here I'll jump on the work computer and catch up on things I need to do and then will take a quick shower and get ready to head down.  Plan to leave here around 9-ish - it's about a 50-60 minute drive one way in decent traffic.  No rush to get there; food isn't to be delivered until 11:15-11:45AM.  I am taking my work computer just in case there are things I need to get done while there.  I'll stay through lunch and then clean up the 'after'... and then head back home.  Not really needed there... but it is nice to get away and have a change of scenery and still get paid for the time there.  I will 'lose' about 3-4 hours of work, but that's ok.  I'll catch up.

I finished my trainings yesterday!  Whoo Hoo!  I had 3 in one section and 5 in another section (really, only two sections, but these are parts within them) and it took me a couple hours, but I was finally able to breathe and say "I'm done!"  Now my name won't appear on any list that they send out starting next month on who hasn't done the trainings yet.  I have reminded my bosses they need to keep on the trainings for they do take a while.  They say they are doing them!

Haven't heard any more from Ms. Diane and will try to give her a call today.  I'm sure she is doing ok, but she is still in the hospital, I'm guessing.  Her daughter was to give me updates, but probably just hasn't thought about it.  I don't have her daughter's number so will try Ms. Diane's phone.  I will miss her.  I need to call Ms. Amy yet too.

Ever have those days when you are just longing to have a day to yourself where you can curl up and take a nap and sleep as long as you want to?  I have been longing for a day like that for awhile now. Just get away and sleep.  I don't normally take a nap very often (usually on Sundays)... but the longing is there just to sleep and have quiet.  This morning is one of those - and I have things to do!  And the probably with getting a day like that.... and wanting to just sleep.... I feel guilty for not getting things done when I have the time to get things done!  Is that considered a catch-22?   

Psalm 46:10 (NKJV):  "Be still and know that I am God..."

That is one of my favorite verses and I really like holding on to it.  When I can have time alone... I like to just sit and think about His goodness to me.  When I am busy trying to work, or even trying to get some things done around here, my thoughts may be on Him.... but my mind may also be so distracted that I don't give Him my full attention.

It's kind of like your spouse is telling you something very important to them and you really want to listen but you are distracted mentally by the glass in front of you and all of a sudden your thrist kicks in.  You need to take a drink, but you don't want to distract your spouse.  You want to show them you are listening intently to them.  Or a child runs past you and you look to see where they are going - and yet, try to turn your eyes back to your spouse.  Or a cat snuggles up to you and wants to be petted... your attention goes .... and you try hard to get it back to where your spouse gets your undivided attention..... 

.... and that's what we do with God.  We really want to spend time with Him.  We are committed to spending time with Him.  But we find life's distractions pull our eyes and our thoughts away.  I am sure you experience that as well.  When I get that longing to get away with God and just be still before Him, I am always reminded of a hermitage trip I did years ago.

Sister Therese was a beloved soul.  We weren't to talk at the hermitage; the purpose was to spend that time focused on God.  They had a chapel that we were allowed to freely go in and out of.  It was circular and had huge windows that overlooked the valley (it's on a mountain top).  There were 6-8 chairs that were spaced out facing that large window, where one could sit and look out upon the valley.  One day I was sitting there, praying, and looking out the window.  Sister Therese came in and sat near to me. Not a word was spoken.  She sat, with her hands folded in her lap, and looked out the window.

I truly believe that is the way God wants us to be when we come in to His Presence.  Come and sit for awhile.  I could tell she was 'One' with Jesus.  She had such peace about her; a soft smile on her face as she looked out the window. I knew, I just knew, she was communing with Jesus as she sat there.  I was in a holy place.  I didn't want to leave.  And I felt the Presence of God like I had never felt it before.  A beautiful, sweet, quiet silence... one of being with the One who loves us so much He went to the cross for us.

Oh how I long for those hermitage days!  I would love to have a 'she shed' for that purpose alone.  I know Jesus is wherever we are.... even in our busy lives... but I love it when I can just get alone with Him.  Like early in these mornings when I get up and come in here.... but unfortunately for me... I also, many times, fall back to sleep for awhile.  My mind wakes up early so it is easier to get up than fall back to sleep and then hubby wakes me up trying to figure out if I'm still in bed or not.  Then I get a headache from being wakened.  So I get up when I wake up... and sometimes I can stay awake; sometimes I can't.  But at least I'm taking time to spend with God.

The world sometimes gets a hold on us that it is hard to 'wean' ourselves away.  It's like weaning a child from the bottle when you want them to start drinking from a cup.  We get in our routines to where we don't want to change.  It's too painful.  Now that it's getting lighter out early... perhaps I need to change up my routine of sitting in here (and falling asleep some days)... and getting dressed enough that I can go outside and sit in the mornings and just be with God.  My fear is that hubby will think he 'wants' to do it too... and I wouldn't be alone.  It just isn't the same.  So here I sit.

I encourage you to take some time today and just get away by yourself and sit before God and give Him your complete focus.  You don't have to talk; after all, the scripture says "Be Still".  Take some time and just 'Be Still'.  Let His peace flood over you.  I think I'm going to work that in today... I'm in desperate need of His peace that passeth all understanding.

Blessings!

Tuesdays and Thursdays....for now...

 Well, I did it.  I went to the gym yesterday for my initial free step on the scale (terrifying) and get a body composition (I don't think I like being showed I may be full of fat... just saying).  So grateful that God looks at the heart and not the body, let's put it that way.   I committed to going to the gym a minimum of twice a week.... at 5:30AM on Tuesdays and Thursdays.  Yes, that will mess me up typing in here so I may be missing a couple days a week.  My Bible comes first, and prayer... then I will be getting dressed and heading to the gym for a short workout.  When I get back, it will be time to get on the computer for work; or thereabouts.  At least I don't have to be 'pretty' to sign in for work.  And I can take a shower during a break period.  I've always said that only God can stand this face early in the morning... well, we will see if I clear out the gym or not.  I need more energy, I need to build up my bones, and I need to feel better about myself; quit putting myself down becaues I don't like the way I look.  I need to do something about it - and I am.  It won't be quick or overnight... it may take a year to get where I want to be physically... but at least I have taken the first step.  When I don't go to the gym, I can get on the treadmill here.  Unfortunately the treadmill only does cardio; it doesn't build up strength, and at my age now, that is what I need.  

The body composition showed my arms are strong...sorta... but my legs aren't quite up to par.  I need to build them up as they will be what is supporting me the rest of my life.  I want to walk where I'm going; know what I mean?  I blame my lack of leg strength on sitting all day for three years (thank you, COVID) and not getting up and walking like I was when in the office.  My friends and I would take a quick break and do a quick walk around the parking lot, or I'd go climb up 5-10 flights of stairs (and think I was dying) trying to build strength.  I have to take proactive measures now.... at 73, my bones will not get stronger unless I do something about it.

I went to the gym yesterday and met with the trainer who does the first initial consultation and got my results.  I made it very clear to them.... because he had mentioned 'your husband said you would be coming in today....' that my body and my training for my body was MY business.... it was not my husband's.  I told them what happened with Planet Fitness, and if they wanted me to continue to go to the gym for MYSELF.... then they need NOT to tell hubby anything about my training... and if he makes any comments about what I "need"... they are not to supply him with any information.  That may sound cruel... but.... until you are in my shoes...    Hubby went to the gym this morning for his initial assessment, and has made the decision, so he tells me, to go to the gym @ 7:30AM on Mondays and Wednesdays.  He can do that.  I have to work.  The reason he says Mondays and Wednesdays, so he says... is that I have told him (numerous times) that I do not want him watching me work out; I don't want his 'suggestions or advice' on how I need to do the equipment, (and I definitely don't need him coming over to lay his claim on me when a man walks by and says hello on his way to another piece of equipment.).  I'm 73 years old, fat, and just want to do my own workout!!!!  Tuesday and Thursday mornings at 5:30AM may be difficult for me for awhile.... I love my time in here ... but I can start work at 7AM if I go at that time and not have to make up my time.  And it gets me there.  Alone.  I don't mind if hubby goes at the same time, and there will be times we will go together... but not when I want to do a focused workout.  If I'm going to just do a light workout and the stair-stepper or elipical machine (which I don't have at home), it's ok.  Maybe.

I will be doing a drive to Mesa tomorrow morning but won't need to go down until about 9-ish.  My one boss is having a meeting and said I could come for lunch.  I need to go today and pick up a couple cases of water to take.  I ordered sandwiches from McAllisters which will be delivered later that morning.  I need to make sure I have everything set up today as the meeting will start before I get there.  It will be nice to have a 'break' in my normal routine of just scheduling meetings.  And lately they have been a bear - several hour and a half meetings on an already back-to-back schedule is nervewracking - especially when it involves numerous high-level leadership.  This is the part of my job that I don't care much for... it's frustrating when it just won't come together as I want it to.

Hubby and I flipped back and forth on the cabin again yesterday.  We discussed cancelling it... but when we brought it up .... we get 0 of the deposit he has already paid, which was quite a bit!  We have until 30 days prior to cancel... and we are 80 days out... and they say they won't refund any of it.  So I told hubby, since he has it in the bank (the balance)... we are going.  I'm not going to just hand them that money.  Ugh.  I hate spending any money when we can just stay home and do things from here.  But, he went on and on about how it's 'for me because you need a break from the heat and from work and get away from everyone.'....  yeah... I 'heard' what he was saying.  And it angers me, but he has always been that way.  Enough said.

Do you ever feel that your mind is a battlefield?  You know what you SHOULD do, you know what you WANT to do... but that nudging, that itching, comes in the mind... and you end up doing what you DON'T want to do.   You want to be kind and nice to people... but then... someone says something that sets you off... or someone moves the wrong way and it irritates you.  That is the enemy putting those emotions in your mind.  So how do we take care of that?  

Ephesians 6:17 (NKJV):  "Take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit; which is the Word of God...."

Yep - we need to put on that helmet to block the thoughts the enemy tries to put in our minds.  It's like looking at a piece of chocolate cake while on a diet.... you know you want it... but you also know it isn't good for you.... it can hurt your body... but it tastes so good, your mind tells you.... and you give in.

Been there, done that.  I can tell you from experience.... Even just one bite of that chocolate cake (or piece of dark chocolate candy) will not taste anywhere as good as my mind is telling me that it will ... if I have told myself that in order to lose weight, I need to let some of my bad habits go.....   I will confess, years ago.... I would buy a Little Debbie's box of brownies... and because hubby wouldn't let me have chocolate when I wanted it... I would sit in the grocery store parking lot and eat every.single.one of those packages before I left the parking lot.  The same with a Snickers.... I would buy it, sit in the car and eat it all, then would hide the wrappers in my purse and drive home.  No wonder I have packed on the weight, huh!  No, I haven't done that in years... but the years have taken their toil.  I let my mind tell me how good those brownies, that Snickers, was going to taste... and you know what... once I ate them, they didn't taste near as good as I let the mind tell me they would.  I still fail once in a while....and may grab a Snickers or something that I sneak and eat.... (I sneak it because I don't want someone to get after me and make me feel guilty)... but it is because I allow my mind to tell me how good it would taste... and then after I eat it... I know it wasn't near as good as my mind told me it was, and I get angry with myself because I gave in.  It never satisfies the intense longing for acceptance within me.

Do you ever do that?  Maybe it isn't on chocolate stuff... maybe it is on food in general.  I do that too.  I love mashed potatoes and brocolli, or mashed potatoes and corn... and I can eat helping after helping of it, until I am so stuffed... and it's ok to have any of that stuff in moderation... I really believe it is - even the chocolate! - but in moderation and it will never taste as good when eaten in private as it does out in the open.  Right?

Well, my rambling is getting away from me and I see the clock is telling me I need to get started on my day.  Put on the helmet of salvation.... let that helmet block the thoughts the enemy puts in there.  YOU ARE VALUABLE.  YOU ARE WORTHY.  YOU BELONG TO JESUS.  The enemy will continue to drag you down and let you feel unworthy and unvalued... but those are just lies.  The devil is a liar.  Don't believe him.

In God's eyes, you have great worth; great value.  You are enough.  Let the helmet block the words of the enemy... and celebrate the goodness of God for you.

Blessings!

It wasn't bad.....

 Hubby took out for lunch yesterday and we had pizza, so wasn't too hungry last night... but watching the baseball game and Jack in the Box's advertisement of their new (?) Ribeye steak sandwiches...well, I'm not sure what part looked good, the ribeye steak sizzling or the burger (duh)... we decided - albeit late as it was (nearly 7PM and we usually eat around 5PM)... to drive to a Jack in the Box nearby and try it out.  I ate the whole thing.  It wasn't bad... it had a smoky flavor versus a grilled, but it really wasn't bad.  Sandwich had onion, tomato, cheese, lettuce... it was good.  But I tell you what, their onion rings were the best!  We ate and then had to stay up a little later because of eating so late.  We have not eaten at a Jack in the Box for years... but that advertisement talked us in to it.  We heard people in front of us asking for the 'diamondback special'... don't know what that was, but hubby said it was something about if the Diamondbacks get 5 runs you get something.... I dunno.  Guess I need to listen when the game is on.

Some, if not all, prayers have been answered.... have only spoken briefly about these situations early evening but haven't heard all the results yet.  Still praying the truth will come out in both things.  I think I've done more praying than I have in a long time... LOL.... don't recommend issues to happen to get one to intensely pray... but it does keep you focused!  In fact, just before all this happened, I was mentally thinking of times I could spend more time with God and praying.  Think it might have been just the enemy trying to distract my praise and worship?  I think the enemy was working overtime yesterday as one case got taken care of and the car wouldn't start to get to the other location; which is why I don't know what happened there.  And that was the one I am more concerned about at this time.  So I just keep praying. So many issues; so much to be praying for. 

Hubby went to his gym appointment yesterday and came back 'fired up' about working out again. He said he had told the trainer that was what he needed; to get motivated to work out.  And of course he told me he had mentioned to the trainer that 'his wife will be coming today' to meet with them to get a program set up'. What does that remind you of?  Do you remember a few years back when I had joined Planet Fitness and when I had gotten my program I wasn't real happy with it?  And do you remember hubby, who did not even belong to that gym, told me he had gone to the gym and spoken with the trainer and told him that I needed 'personal attention' and not just a piece of paper telling me what to do? And what did I do, becausse I was so angry he did that?  I quit, and never went back.  Yes, that memory came flooding back when he told me he had mentioned it and the trainer looked and said yes, he saw my name on the list for today.  Can I just not be a regular person where someone is not controling what I do?  Hubby asked me yesterday if I needed him to go with me today to the gym when I went for the initial evaluation (weight (heavy), body composition (fat), etc.) and see how much weight I can use (probably 8 pounds to start, I'm guessing).  Anyway... I told him no, I was a big girl and could go all by myself.  Sigh.   As three of my support people will be in an all day meeting, I scheduled it for 9AM this morning... and then will skip my lunch hour to make up my time.  Next will be figuring out when I can get away to do a workout.  Once I get the basics down, I can quit and go to the Rec center and work out.  I just need some help in getting a program in place and in the habit of doing it.  Will see, anyway.  Hah!  I just remembered why hubby asked if I wanted him to go with me this morning....  I overheard him calling his friend to meet for breakfast....  

I may call a friend to go to dinner tonight.... daughter is out of town still ... but then again... I will be home alone and I enjoy that as well.  Maybe I'll just stay home and read.  Or watch a movie.  Yeah.... I think I could be good with that.  Hubby actually turned the TV off last night (again) and we read... and I did comment that he has done real well at turning the TV off the past three nights so that we could read.  (remember, I had told him he was addicted to the TV; I think he is trying to show me he isn't.  Although, he does turn it on in the afternoon and put his headset on so I don't hear it.)

I read about Balaam in Numbers 22 this morning.  Do you remember the story?  Balak, a MMoab king, saw Israel camped nearby on the way to the promised land, and he wanted Balaam to curse Israel and then he would give Balaam great riches.  Balaam sought the Lord and He said not to go with the men.  More men came and Balaam sought the Lord and the Lord told him to go with them.... but every time Balak took him to a location to curse the Israelites, the Lord told Balaam to bless them.  That angered the king a lot!  But do you remember what happened in the middle of all this?  Balaam was riding his donkey and three times the angel of the Lord appeared in front of the donkey with his sword drawn and the donkey would go out in the field off the road, or push up against a wall in a narrow space ... and Balaam would beat the donkey.   After the third time, God made the donkey speak and asked Balaam why he kept beating him when he didn't usually do these things... and Balaams' eyes were opened and he saw the angel of the Lord with his sword drawn.  Go ahead - it starts in Numbers 22... pick up your Bible and read the story!

Numbers 22:31 (NKJV):  "Then the Lord opened Balaam's eyes, and he saw the Angel of the Lord standing in the way with His drawn sword in His hand; and he bowed his head and fell flat on his face."

How would you react if your eyes were opened and you saw the Angel of the Lord in front of you?  I hope your also would bow down and fall flat on your face!  God sends His Angels to watch over us and to help us stay on the right path.  Ever be on your way to do something and then get detoured... and then find out something was going on in that area of town?  Yeah, there have been times I have been driving down the road and I think I am just distracted when I turn too soon.....  and when I get back to where I want to be, I find out there was an accident in that area that I had just inadvertedly gone around.  God kept me out of the accident, and out of the backup traffic.  

When these things happen, don't get angry... just thank God He is directing your path.  Someone, if not yourself, if praying for you. :-)

Blessings!

Gratefully surprised...

 Yesterday, after an amazing church service, we stopped at a deli nearby taht we like real well for lunch.  We actually ran in to some dear friends we haven't seen in a long time.  We got to sit with them and catch up as we ate our lunch.  It was a nice hour and a half (at least) to catch up on their lives and on ours.  We came home, changed clothes... and hubby did NOT turn on the TV.  Not at all.  Al.day.long.  We read.  I took a short nap (hubby probably did too, but he made fun of me for doing so).  He did ask at one point if I wanted to read or watch a movie; I opted for reading.  

Saw Ms. Diane's daughter at her house so walked over there to see how she was.  They finally - from Thursday to Saturday night Ms. Diane was in the ER... and finally got moved to a room.  Ms. Diane, although she had sounded coherent when she talked with me, her daughter says she is so confused.  She didn't fall off the couch as she told me; she fell out of her bed.   She isn't having her surgery until Tuesday as the doctor wasn't available until then.  (I wonder how they are treating the MRSA?)  The duaghter and I chatted for a bit; she was just coming out of the gate to leave when I went over.  She said her mother will probalby not be coming back home, but going direct to an assisted living.  I nearly started to cry.  Yes, that is where she needs to be... but my heart hurt becuase I know her time  here is getting short.  Her daughter said she'd keep me up to date on what is going on, which I appreciate.  And, as expected... her daughter said that she knew this time was coming and was prepared... but feels like she (herself) is 'all over the place' trying to get things done.  Today she cleaned out the refrigerator and freezer and was taking a lot of things home with her.... little by little will be removing things from the house and making decisions on where they are to go.

Hubby brought up about the cabin versus a hotel again yesterday and we discussed it.  We are just going to leave it where we will go to the cabin.  He's already paid the deposit and just needs to pay the balance.  I told him it would still be TV dinners (now he is all concerned it isn't my vacation cause I'd still have to cook - hah!) but more quick and easy things to eat, i.e., sandwiches and cereal and shakes too. :-)  Not saying we can't go to the one restaurant a time or two...  but why spend a lot of money when don't need to. It's like I've always told him - what we spend at a nice restaurant, including tip, we can eat at a fast food place two and sometimes three times!  Have you priced drinks lately at a restaurant?  Whether tea or soda - some are nearly $4!!  Ridiculous!  I usually drink water, but sometimes that diet coke just sounds good.

Today ..... two grandchildren have court cases.  My heart is breaking for both.... and all I can do is pray. I keep praying for justice; but I also keep praying for mercy and grace.  For one, I expect punishment for their actions... the other I am terrified for I do not believe the accusations are true.  There is slander and deflamation out in another person's favor; I truly believe that.  I'm terrified of what might happen to this one.  And all I can do is pray... and prayer is enough.

As I write that word 'enough' I am reminded of a couple of things.  Remember the women's conference I went to recently... the theme was 'I am enough'.   Yesterday at our church service we had a guest pastor and the message was really good.  He talked about being baptized in the Holy Spirit... how sometimes we are on the mountaintop and sometimes in the wilderness between.  Right now I feel like I am in the wilderness with the situations going on.  When he asked us to come forward if we wanted to receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit, I stepped out to go forward... and of course hubby followed me.  When the pastor came through the many people up front and came to me... he at firat held my one hand and had his hand on my shoulder... then I guess he must have moved it to touch hubby (I had my eyes closed)... and he said some things but what I remember is that he said that the word that he was hearing for us was 'enough'.  He didn't know what that meant for us, but that was the Word given.

The first thing that popped in to my mind was 'He is enough'.  We had sung the song earlier 'Jireh, You are enough.'  But what does that Word mean for us?  For me?  Hubby asked me what I thought about it after we got home.  I'm still not sure exactly, but I feel I/we are to lean into Jesus is enough.  We don't need anything else.  It's so easy to lean in to other things... but Jesus, our Jehovah Jireh (The Lord will provide), is Enough.  

When I mentioned hubby 'followed' me up front of the church... I didn't mean to imply he didn't go for his own want or need.... he may have.  But he has always followed me and wanted to do whatever I did.  It is as if I may get something he doesn't.  I am reminded of the comment a friend made one time... he is glued to my hip; he won't let me get away.  If I hadn't gone up front, I am pretty sure hubby would not have either.  He always wants us 'together' and it seems like for 40+ years I have only wanted to be 'ME'.  I have fought to live ... unsuccessfully.  Yes, I can do some things without him,... but they are rare.  He is joined to my hip and I can't get away.  Heaven help him if I should die first... he could not survive.  I told him once that if he should die first (he did ask me).. I would party.  That angered him... and I asked him why.  He thought it would be a celebration... but I explained...no, it would be because for the first time I would be free to do things.

Romans 8:28 (NKJV):  "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God; to those who are called according to His purpose."

No matter what happens today... no matter what happened yesterday.... no matter what happens tomorrow... God is in control and He will take 'all things' and will work them for good.  We as people may not like nor understand the things that happen, but if we relinquish control and give it all to Him, we can know that He will take it, even the bad stuff, the ugly stuff, and will turn it in to good.  We may not understand it now; we may never understand it at all; but one thing we can be sure of.... God is well aware of everything that is happening in our lives and knows what will come of it.  He is in control.  He has the final say.  No judge does. No person does.  God has the final say.  He may let one think they are in control... but in reality, it is Him alone.

He truly is 'ENOUGH' for me.

Blessings!

He just doesn't get it... back to step one

 Hubby informed me yesterday that he had spent an hour and a half looking at hotels in the Flagstaff and Williams area and decided on Little America.  That's fine; we have stayed there before and it is nice.  I commented that it is also expensive (I feel).... so he proceeded to tell me 'he' was paying for the place we stay at.  Ok.... then he continued.... he wants to book it for 4 nights.  Now mind you, that means for every meal we would need to clean up and go out of the hotel (cause if I recall correctly, if they had a restaurant inside, it was expensive).  It's a nice place, don't get me wrong.  But I told him, he misunderstood what I was suggesting.  And what was that?  Go north and stay one or two nights; come back home, have someplace else to go DO something, maybe stay a night in that area if it was a distance away.  He got frustrated with me.   I finally asked him if he had cancelled the cabin yet and he said no.  I just shook my head and told him to leave things as they are; we will go to the cabin.  Yes, I still plan to pick up  a lot of TV dinners to take... but will take cereal, milk, and stuff for sandwiches too... so maybe only TV dinners for dinner.... UGH.  He missed the entire point of what I was asking!  But - I'm done.  We'll go to the cabin.  It's easier for him to comprehend.  Staying in a hotel room for four days with only a couple places to go to just doesn't appeal to me.  They may be 'big' if you get a suite, but, no, not my cup of tea.  At least with the cabin we can go outside and it's open area to take a walk.  It's only Friday through Wednesday anyway.  

Yesterday's women's 'heart crew' at church was nice.... I wasn't sure what was planned; thinking it was a luncheon.  It wasn't.  It was about women entrepreneurs within the church.  There were about 10 tables where the women had set up their stuff and we could walk around and talk with them.  Some were really unique; one woman wrote a book, another creates a table centerpiece out of food for gatherings that people eat (I have a photo of that one - it's really cool!), a hair stylist, a person who does facials, a plan called 'Thrive' in which the woman has lost 100 pounds.... there was a woman who makes it out of what she has.. i.e., dangle earrings. t-shirts with printing on them, etc.  There were some other things.  They had a panel of the four women who talked about their 'why' for getting in to the business market.  The panel leader is a woman who works with the ASU something or other...  teaching entrepreneurs how to get their business going, how to patent products, get their 5013C, etc.  I thought of my granddaughter who is trying to have a profitable business and I was able to get some information for her - not much, but there is one sheet with 4 QR codes that she can scan with her phone and they take her to ASU information on how to do things.  She had heard of it already, but I'm glad I was able to drop the information off to her.  Oh - the 'luncheon' I thought it would be was not... we had packaged snacks, i.e., muffins, oatmeal cakes, nuts, crackers, etc.  No biggie.  I was able to meet face to face with a couple of the women and talk with them.  Which is one reason I wanted to go; I need to get acquainted with the women there and make friends.  

I also got some fabulous praise-worthy news from a friend I've known for years.  Is one of my 'besties', in fact.  Her husband had been told a few weeks ago that he had a cancerous tumor at the bottom of his pancreas and it would need to be removed.  They got a second opinion. Naw, just a tumor.  They got a third opinion for the surgery.  This doctor said it was NOT cancerous, not a tumor...... it was something from the spleen that had grown out that happens occasionally.  He looked at the three x-rays and showed them where it was a little 'flip' out of the spleen.  No surgery needed.  It is all God.  Now you may think it was that way all along... but two doctors saw the tumor and said it was a cancerous tumor; after intense prayer for him, not only was it not cancer, it wasn't even a tumor.  That's our God.  He can do anything.  He deserves all the praise for he twarted the doctors' theories and blew them out of the water.  No cancer. No tumor.  Hallelujah!

We went to bed early (around 8PM) last night and once I got to sleep; slept until about 2:30AM.  Noticed hubby had gotten up out of bed.  He does that when 1) I am snoring and keeping him awake and 2) when his shoulder is bothering him and he can't sleep.  It took about an hour for me to fall back to sleep cause I kept thinking of Monday decisions to be made for a couple grandchildren and kept praying for them, for justice, for grace.  It was about 5:20AM when hubby's shower wakened me again.  Reluctantly I got up and came in to my room, where I have managed to sleep about 40 minutes more.  Maybe I need that quiet cabin more than I think I do.... but I usually don't sleep in anymore.  If I'm in bed past 5:30AM hubby gets worried something is wrong with me and wakes me up.

I spoke with Ms. Diane last night and she is in the hospital.  Her voice sounds  a lot stronger since she is eating there.  The sore on her foot... she says is now the size of an orange... apparently the people coming out to her house to check her vitals, etc... skipped checking her foot sore.  Anyway - it has MRSA in it and she is to be going in to surgery today to have the infection removed.  Hopefully she won't lose her foot.  It's at the arch of the foot on the side... when I saw it a few weeks ago, it was about the size of a half dollar (remember those?)  - the size of an orange now... wow.  Hopefully she will be ok.  I had meant to go see Ms. Amy after the ladies thing at church yesterday, but stopped by the granddaughters' to drop off the papers I had picked up for her.  Came home after that.  Finished another book (yay me!) 

Today is Sunday and we'll be going to church.  I'm still not 'in tune' with the loud music; wish they would tone it down a few notches. But I can still worship.  If I didn't love the pastors, it would be easy to look for another church... but I love that they teach the Bible.  Some pastors have turned to preaching things that make the congregation feel good.... but don't teach what the Bible says.  There is one prominent preacher on TV who never preaches about hell.  Why?  I forget his exact words, but that people don't want to hear bad stuff; they want to be encouraged with the good stuff.  Hello?  He will let people go to hell because he won't preach the consequences of their actions and behavior?   The Bible hasn't changed in all these years.... when God said NO, it wasn't with an 'except for....'.  Even the first commandment, "There will be no other gods before me"..... how many of us have put other 'gods' before him?  I even confronted hubby the other night and told him he was addicted to the TV... it is easier for him to watch TV than pick up a book that will help him to grow in Christ or even read his Bible.  I did notice (but didn't comment) he didn't even ask; he left the TV off last night (but did watch/sleep through the ball game earlier).

I'm looking forward to having the 29th off... it's the 'recognition' of Memorial Day.  Just that extra day is nice to chill.  I would rather work four days and be off three... 

With that, I reckon I need to get off here and start to get ready for church.  I did cook breakfast yesterday so today he can have cereal or a shake.  And me too.  

Sorry - no scripture has come to mind this morning; probably cause I'm distracted with the noise hubby is making outside this room.   Hope you have an amazing day!  

Blessings!

He did agree.... but modified...

 When I suggested to hubby that we not go to the cabin but instead visit a couple places in the state and actually DO something, and stay at a hotel a night or two.... he came to me yesterday morning and said he thought about it and he thought that was a good idea - BUT THEN he says... "we can stay in a hotel up north for 3-4 nights."  And do what?  It only takes one day to see what I suggested to see.  Drive up one day, walk around, stay overnight, go see the attraction the next day; come home - or at most, stay one more night.  But no.... he has this other mindset.  He drives me crazy.  I think it was my comment "if we go to the cabin I'm buying TV dinners for the entire week" that got him.  Some times I think food is all he thinks about.  Yesterday morning he went out to breakfast with his friends... at 7:30AM.. ... around 11AM he asked about lunch and I thought I'd heat up some left over chicken - and he said to he'd have some too.  I looked at him in shock - "you just ate breakfast!"  "Yeah, but that was at 7:30!  And he ate again.  I didn't fix dinner though.  I wasn't really hungry so only had a piece of string cheese and some crackers; I'm not sure what he ate.... I don't remember.  But I didn't cook.... so heaven forbid he would cook something.  I don't think we have any more TV dinners.   

I wanted to go visit Ms. Diane last night so I called over - no answer.  A little later her daughter called - Ms. Diane had been taken to the hospital the day before.  Guess she had gotten up out of bed Wednesday night and fell, hitting her head on the nightstand... and it bled... and she was so weak and disoriented that she crawled into different rooms.... her daughter called Thursday morning and no answer.... and since her mother was prone to leaving her phone in the bedroom, she wasn't too concerned.  But she did take time to come over late morning - to find Ms. Diane laying on the floor, where she had laid all night.  Blood on the tile floor and on the carpet.   They had an ambulance take her to the hospital - we never even know it!  Our hospitals have gotten so bad - she had been taken to the hospital mid-morning on Thursday - and yesterday was STILL IN THE ER!  She is a diabetic and has a sore on her foot - which was there over a month ago for I saw it then - and it is now huge and has started going up her leg.  A medical person was supposedly coming over to check on it - but obviously wasn't for it had not been treated.  I told her daughter she was a good daughter to see her mom every day and to take care of her.  Ms. Diane has agreed that she needs to go to an assisted living facility and to sell the house.  She wants to go now... which would be ideal, except her children want to check out the ALs and find one that can be good for Ms. Diane.  And soon... they don't want her changing her mind when she gets back home!  Hopefully they will admit her for a few days and take care of the sore, plus get her to eat more and help her get healthy.  She is 86, I think.

Had I shared with you about Ms. Amy?  I know, I'm rambling thus far this morning.  Sorry about that.  I am hoping to get over to visit her this afternoon - which might be for the last time.  Her daughters, Pamela and Melessa where here for about 10 days earlier this month.  Melessa has MS and can't do anything, but Pamela had to bring her as Melessa lives with her.  Anyway... Pamela worked hard and did a lot of packing and getting Ms. Amy's things together.  The movers came a week ago, I think, and loaded up the furniture Ms. Amy wanted to take to Florida.  The following Tuesday (was it just last Tuesday?) Pamela and Melessa headed back to Florida.  When they arrived, Pamela was having a hissy saying her key didn't work in the lock so called me to come over and open the door.  Interestingly, after I opened the screen door, she tried her key on the the main door and opened it.  She took my key and said she'd rather use it.  Ok.... never saw her again.... then Tuesday morning she shows up at the door to hand me the key ring back and tell me they were leaving and 'oh, thanks for what you've done for mommy'.  I glance at the keyring and notice no key (not that it is a big deal) and commented that the key wasn't there.  She informed me that 'she had already taken care of everything at the house; her younger sister and husband were coming out in a couple weeks and they have their own key (but does it fit?) and I don't need to do ANYTHING with the house anymore and Ms. Amy doesn't need to be brought back over.  It was kind of rude, actually, the way she said it.   Fine - I don't need a key.  I do admit I was curious as to what furniture the daughter decided to send, versus what her mother wanted to take.  I was planning to go over and do a looksee.... but I now have no key and have been told it is none of my responsibility anymore.  She also said she had taken care of all the mail - I hope she hasn't screwed that up - it was going to the son in Indiana except for a few pieces.  I haven't checked the mailbox since they left, but I may today if I think about it.  I had a thought about texting the brother and tell him ... but decided I'd just mind my own business.  But, I do want to go over and see Ms. Amy - probably for the last time as she is to go to Florida the first week of June.  I would like to tell her goodbye.  

And then there is Ms. Vicky.  I haven't seen nor talked to her for a couple weeks so do need to touch base with her this weekend.  Hopefully she is doing ok.  She is around my age... but is a large woman and has a bad knee and uses a walker even in the house.  I hope she hasn't fallen.  I do have her garage access number and can get in her house, although I've never tired it.  She hasn't called me either.  We did get some of her mail yesterday and we could just put in her mailbox, which is next to ours... may do that this morning.... and then I can check her mailbox and take the mail to her this afternoon if she hadn't gotten it yet.  Praying she is doing ok..... 

I am going to our Ladies Heart Crew lunch at church today.  Still trying to get involved with some of the women from church.  It starts at 11AM and I will 'assume' it will be over around 1PM.  It will be a nice break in the day too.  I think I will need to clean up for that - although many will wear jeans.  I haven't been to any of these luncheons yet so will figure out the 'dress code' today.  

Maybe I will cook breakfast this morning - bacon and eggs and toast.  Hubby will eat anything I fix and I'm sure he is hungry....he usually is.  I don't want to go out to eat; afterall, I'm going to a luncheon today.  Actually, a bacon and egg sandwich sounds good.  But then, I do have potatoes so maybe I'll fry up a potato (diced) and then add a mixture of eggs, jalapenos, onions, cheese in it... I still fix that occasionally and it is still so good.  Yeah, I'll fix the potato/egg dish... that will fill hubby up and he will be ok with snacking for his lunch.  

Psalm 23:3 (NKJV):  "He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake."

He restores my soul.  Some days - especially lately - that is what I need.  Do you ever recite/quote the 23rd Psalm?  I'm sure you know it all.  But this morning I am thinking about this one part.  He restores my soul.  Ever feel like life has hit you and you feel like you have been run over by a mack truck (wherever did that saying come from?  Did someone actually get hit by a mack truck?)..... and you do not know where to turn or what to do or what to say.... and you feel so empty inside.... ?  It is then that we can cry out to our Shepherd and ask Him to 'restore my soul'.  When we call out to Him, He will answer.  Perhaps not in ways we want to hear or see, but He will answer.

If I have nothing left, I know I have Jesus.  I have my Heavenly Father.  I have the Holy Spirit.  And my soul is restored.  In Him I have HOPE.  I live, because He lives.  And, because He still lives, I can face tomorrow.  Because I know that He alone holds my future, the future of my loved ones, and it is in Him that I trust.  I am so grateful He drew me back to Him years ago so that I could be prepared for 'such a time as this'.  My heart is in anguish over things... and it seems one thing after another is going on at this time... but I know I can believe in His faithfulness to me.  I can believe that He will orchestrate everything in His time.  And I know He cares for me and will walk this journey with me.  Can you just imagine how I'd be if I didn't know Him?  I am beyond grateful for His intervention in my life.

Does your soul need restored this morning?  Are things kind of crazy at your house too?  Lean into Jesus and let Him not only restore you, but lead you .... for His name's sake.

Blessings!

I think I may have 'won'....

I talked with hubby a bit last night about the possibility of NOT going to the cabin that he has reserved for our vacation.  I explained to him that it would not be a vacation for me as I would still need to take food, buy food, fix food... things that I do here.  I also told him that if we did still go, he would be eating TVdinners the entire time as I was not going to cook.  (yes, I'm ok with TV dinners for a week)  He is actually thinking about it.  I did give him an alternative.... and I can encourage him to let me drive when we decide to do these....  we have never been to BearArizona or whatever it is.  Friends of ours went not long ago and were telling us how fun it was.  It's up in Williams, I think they said.  I suggested to hubby that we could drive up there and stay at a hotel, visit it, and even stay another night (providing the price is right) to just chill.  Odysea is another place we can go to that we haven't - it's not that far away.  But I'm thinking with these little 'day trips', I can get hubby to let me drive and we will actually be doing something and seeing something.  As much as I love to read, and I could spend the entire week reading, because hubby does a fairly good amount of reading now, it's not anything new to him.  Will see what he comes up with - I told him he has already saved the money for the trip (he generally saves for the housing part; I pay for the food)... we can actually DO something this year rather than just sit around.  He is considering it.

I didn't get any mail yesterday so am hoping the global cash card comes today.  We're ok if it takes a day or two - not worried about it.  But, I do make sure hubby knows he messed everything up.  It actually works out better that I wrote him a check for what normally goes in to the joint account; he doesn't know how much money I bring home each payday as the balance goes into my account....  that is the only way I can save money.  That is why we are ok financially right now.  Next payday everything should be back to normal.

We did a 'thang' yesterday.... went over to Mountainside Fitness and signed up.  I do have a corporate discount.  Hubby had to sign up too, of course.  Heaven forbid that I get to do something on my own.  Yes, we do have the rec centers here.... but OLD people go there and they don't really work out the way I want to - they go through the motions.... and sit and chat on the machines.  I know I will never be in the shape I was before (like 41 years before).... but I need to do strength-building and more than just using the treadmill.  I know I blame hubby for my not exercising here at home, although I have a treadmill and weights.  I can't explain.  He will be gone for awhile this morning (yes, another breakfast/Bible study) so I will take a break and get on the treadmill while he is gone.  Anyway, we went over and I signed us up and told hubby he will have to reimburse me for his part, since he wanted to sign up too.  And of course he had to elaborate on his limitations, i.e., his shoulder being bone on bone, etc.  Like the person signing us up needed to know his limitations.  But it is all about him, right?  Anyway - he has an appointment with the personal trainer on Monday to tell him (again) what he can do, and I have scheduled mine for Tuesday morning.  I'm thinking I will be messing my entire mornings up with doing this, but if I (we, of course) go to the gym at 4:30AM.... and be back home by 6AM, I can still get some reading in and prayer (and I can also pray while at the gym working out)....  I just won't be able to do as much as I did before.  And... I will probably be typing in here later than I normally do.  I doubt if I will be going daily to the gym... but I would like to go at least 3-4 days a week.  It's a month-to-month so if it proves we aren't going, I can go in and cancel anytime.  This first month is free, although they did collect the 'last month' which will be reimbursed if we cancel before the month is out.  We agreed to one year.... and see where we are.  I about choked when hubby was telling the guy "I used to go to the gym 4-5 days a week (and I commented yeah, 10 years plus ago! Which angered him and he denied it) and I may come in twice a day; once in the mornings and then come back when my wife comes in." (yeah, he wants to keep track on me.... he STILL things some one is going to hit on me!)  (you remember the story about my former personal trainer, right?)

Work has been extremely busy lately and with it being Friday, I am hoping I can get caught up.  At least it gives me something to do all day, right?  Of course I COULD be reading, which would be a lot more fun.... but... alas.... someone has to bring in the bacon, right?  Some day... I will get to retire... but then, staying home because we have no money will take us back to 40 years ago.... when Burger King was a treat.  Those were some rough years ....   but we are in much better shape now and it won't be that bad, but I will rein in the extra - but heaven forbid he can't meet up with his friends for breakfast and lunch!

"Worry is not only fruitless, but it steals our joy and jams our radar, keeping us from receiving the answers we need."    Priscilla Shirer.

Philippians 4:6 "Do not be anxious about anything , but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

In spite of all the drama that has been going on in my family this past month, and even more so this past week.... I told my daughter that yesterday I had peace.  She couldn't believe it.  How could I have peace when all this stuff is going on?  So I told her how.... when I pray, I give that sitaution to God and ask Him to take care of it.  I don't know what is true and what isn't.  I don't know what lies the enemy has brought into the picture.  I don't know the truth of what is being said.  But I do know who my God is.  And I do know that my God is in charge of it all.  So I do what I need to do - I give it to Him.  I can't change anything.  I can pray.  And then I can leave it on the altar for God to do what He needs to do.  I may not agree with what happens; but I do pray for justice, for grace and mercy... but I also ask that the truth be made known.  Only God sees the big picture of every problem.  And only God can bring about any solution.  He does allow calamity to strike... to bring us back to Him.  I keep telling my youngest son he needs to be praying.... but is he?  Is he leaving it all up to me to pray?  Perhaps this is to get his attention he needs to return to God.  I don't have the answers.  I just pray.

And because I pray - and it doesn't mean that I'm not concerned or overwhelmed with all that is going on - but it does mean that I am not going to sit around worrying about what 'may' happen.... I can not change the past.  I can only pray for the future.  And because I put these situations in the hands of my God, I can have peace, because He is in control of all things.  I have been unceasingly praying for these situations... but there comes a time when God just lets me know that "He's got this" and I can trust in whatever happens, it will come out for good.

It's not easy to 'Let go and let God'.... but I have learned over the years that He is much better at handling things than I am.  Just look at this mess with our checking account.  He made sure I had money in savings to cover until we can get it straightened out.  40 yeras ago I would be a mess.  But I can rest in Him because He has made sure we are provided for.  Hallelujah!

Some people can build up walls and think that nothing of any emotion can get through to them... but the day will come when that dam will break.... I pray they will lean into God because He will be all they have.

Blessings!