I felt 'nudged' yesterday to sign up for the 'We Pray All Day' program that is going on throughout Arizona churches. I've resisted for a few months since I heard about it. No reason, just didn't feel 'nudged' to do so. Yesterday, something reminded me of it, so I went on line and checked and, wouldn't you know it, today is the day OUR church has taken it on to pray all day... and only ONE time slot was left open. No other choices. Just one. At 2:00AM. I debated. Do I sign 'with' someone who has already selected a time or do I take the one open spot that is left. I put my name in the open slot. So, I have been 'up' since about 1:50AM (allowing time to wake up). I was grateful they sent a guide to follow while praying, for it's not just about us or our family, not just about our church. It is about praying for the entire state.... for government officials, for schools safety, for the unborn, for our families, for the unsaved, for the lost. I couldn't believe when I looked at the clock and it was after 3AM. I finished up and tried to grab an hour of sleep. I'm sure I may have dozed, but it sure doesn't feel like it. Hubby brought my coffee in a short while ago and asked if I made it up. He was snoring loudly while I was in here so there is a reason, I think, I had 2-3AM prayer time.
And I had much to pray about. Had a couple phone calls from our youngest yesterday and my heart was pierced and hurting. I was able to do some praying before I even went to bed last night, and as I went through the guidelines for today, I was able to pray for the issues within my family. Yes, I am praying for grace and mercy.... if the things are true, then one must deal with the consequences... but I am also praying that truth and justice will win ... I even prayed for those who will be making those decisions... and I prayed for my grandchildren involved in each situation. My heart grieves more that they don't know Jesus because they were never really taken to church, thanks to a rebellious son who just didn't see to it. They don't know Jesus is there for them to call on and reach out to. And my heart is grieved. I have failed as a grandparent in this family. Yet I continue to pray....that their eyes will be opened and their hearts receptive to hearing from the Lord. That's all I can do at this time.
With both bosses back to work yesterday my day was pretty busy. I still have one project I haven't completed yet and will need to focus on figuring it out this morning. She wanted 3 different files merged into one in excel. I have no clue how to do that. I did go to You Tube to figure it out... but I still don't see how it will give her what she wants as all the headings are different. So I'm just going to copy and paste in tabs at the bottom of the page and send to her. Hopefully that will work. That is the first thing I will need to work on this morning, I think. Once I explain to her why I did it the way I'm going to do it, I'm sure she will say it's fine. She respects my judgement, for which I am grateful. But it does cause me angst as I have never had to learn all the fancy stuff - one drive, in note, excel, project, etc. Shoot, I dread it when I have to go in to a Teams folder... I don't know how to do those either and yet, I have to use them. It would be much easier in the office where I can be shown 1:1 and have help when I get stuck... but to have to figure things out on my own, I just don't do it because I don't use it. My 'goal' this year is to learn more about Visio and be able to whip out organizational charts faster - and I've yet to get started on that. I've made organizational charts in Visio for years... and I do them well. I've made for other departments. But I only have the regular Visio and not the Pro. You can only do so much... and I don't need the pro. I haven't even created an organizational chart for at least a year. Once done, they just need updated. You can only make so many.
Hebrews 13:6 (NKJV): "So we may boldly say: "The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?"
Oh I have called on the Lord to be my Helper many, many times. I've also called on Him to help others in my family. I tell you what, if I didn't know Jesus like I know Jesus, I would be totally a mess right now. You have read my bad days; you have read my good days (hopefully the good outweigh the bad)... but I can honestly tell you, if I did not know Jesus as my Lord and Savior, I don't know where I would be. I had made a mess of my life before knowing Him.... and He rescued me. And He continues to rescue me. Life has a way of getting you down. Just when you think things are going well, things will happen. My heart has been broken and mended so many times it probably looks like a bandaid commercial. Many scars... but each one has been healed by my Lord. It is to Him that I run to when times are painful, especially as they are right now.
I finished another book yesterday called 'Suddenly Breakthroughs' (I think that is what it was). It was interesting. But one thing stood out as I finished it. I knew it, of course, but was reminded. I think I've mentioned how I am wanting to get more involved in our church; want to teach again; want to fall deeper in love with Jesus; want my passion ignited to a full flame once again.... and boom! Ugly, horrible things have happened within my family. As I thought about it last night, after I had signed up for the We Pray All Day program, I began to wonder if the devil, though I hate to give him credit for it, is starting to beat at me once again to steal my love and passion for Christ, just as he did when my sister attacked me verbally several years ago. I was caught offguard by such a vicious and hateful tongue that it crushed my spirit. I have fought ever since to regain what I allowed to break inside. I am starting to push ahead again and get my passion ignited and burning for Jesus. Anyway... I am also reminded that Jesus can intervene 'suddenly' and break through things that we have no control over. And that is what I have been praying in these two instances, that He will suddenly break through and justice and truth will reign in each situation. Yes, I want grace.... but I also want justice served... does that make sense? We sometimes need the consequences of our actions to sink in. Ah... enough of this... my heart is grieved and all I can do is pray... and yet, that is the best thing I can do. I even told my son yesterday that he needs to get on his face before God and pray for his children, and not leave it up to others to do it. God is chasing after him, and he keeps running away. Oh that he would listen to me and intercede for his children to the only One who can help them!
In all things, the Lord is my Helper. He has blessed me more than I could have ever hoped to be blessed. True, things are not exactly what I would wish them to be.... I still long for life to ........ I can't even put it in to words. The Lord is my Helper. He is my strength for each and every day. He sees all my tears and gathers them in to a bottle. He mends my broken heart. He hears my prayers. He answers those prayers as He desires. He blesses me.
Oh that you would know Him and seek Him with your whole heart! That is my prayer for you. Your life, surrendered to Him, will never be the same. He makes all things new. Jesus is the only Way to the Father. Won't you surrender to Him today? See what He can do in and through you!
What would you want changed in your life....that you can't do on your own? Your health? Your work success? Your family to be closer? Why not pray about it and ask God to bring it about. He can, you know. Sometimes, just sometimes, He waits until we ask Him. What are you waiting for?
Blessings!
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