Slept in until 4:30AM -

 so does that mean I really slept in?  Sigh.  Saturdays I TRY to sleep in a little later, but it is still only 4:30 or 5:00 before I finally give up going back to sleep and getting up.  Wait - I think last weekend I actually slept until 5:30AM!  I must have stayed up a lot later.  Yeah, that's one reason I still wake up early - I still go to bed at 8:30-9:00 unless we are watching a movie and it goes later.  I get up at 4AM and after working, I'm usually tired.  But weekends are for sleeping later, right?

I can remember when.... it was the thing to sleep in until noon.  And most of the time we were allowed to.  I remember after I married and we moved to California still sleeping in late - and it was one late morning that I was awakened by the bed shaking.... and everything else around me!  That is the strangest feeling and nothing you can do about it!  Of course, in my defense, I also stayed up until 11-12AM every night too.  Got the sleep I needed during the week, and caught up on it over the weekend.

Still, I always thought that once you reach a certain age that your body is so attuned to getting up early that you will automatically wake up even if you don't want to.  Oh wait, that is what happens.   I still get between 6-7 hours of sleep and no matter when I go to bed, I will wake up about 6 hours later.  But the best part is that on the weekends I can take a nap if I want to!  Last night I was so weary that after I went into the front room and sat on the couch, I pulled up my blanket and closed my eyes for about ten minutes.  When I awoke and saw it was only ten minutes, I thought that felt so good, I wanted more, so closed my eyes for another 20!  

I haven't set the alarm on a clock since I started working from home.  I did determine then that I needed to continue getting up early so that when we went back to the office it wouldn't mess me up too bad.  Ok, I did set the alarm on my fitbit, but I didn't always feel the buzz to wake me up.  The buzz on my arm.   I think I truly expected to be home only about two weeks - not 9 months!  If I had known we were going to be home that long, I would have planned things better.  My company is still holding on to us going back in to the office in January.  Now I don't want to - well, I do, but I don't.  And I've already shared my feelings on that so won't go there.  

If you haven't already figured it out, nothing has come to me to share this morning.  My youngest son checked on me last night and told me he loved me.  His actual words were 'even though you aren't checking on me, I am checking on you because I still love you.'  Of course I still love my son.  And I don't hate his wife.  For me, she is toxic and I feel I can't have her around me.   I do not know why he stays with her.... but that is not any of my business.  When he's had enough, he will choose to turn his life around.  I only pray it is before he loses his life.  If he is so sad that he drinks way more than he should daily... that should be a sign he is unhappy, right?

But it is always easier to point fingers at other people than it is to point them at yourself.  My life is not what I had dreamed it would be, how my latter years would end up.  My sister once told me I was a horrible mother because I did not leave... and the reason? He was too strict, too controlling.  (coming from the one who likes to control.  LOL).  Of course she denies ever saying that, but as you know, when some things are said, you just don't forget.

It's Saturday and I'm hoping to get some things unpacked.  My boxes are slowly getting emptied.  I did three boxes last week and am hoping to get another 2-3 or more done today.  Still need to work on those excel charts.  Yeah, didn't do it yesterday.  Just couldn't get my mind wrapped around it.  I do now need to work on them this weekend.  DUH I should have applied myself over the week!  

I've already started wrapping Christmas gifts - can you believe it?  I order a few things every few days and when they come in, am trying to get them wrapped.  AND I am writing things down because I must cut back on spending this year.  Yes, I'm probably spending more using Amazon for 99.9% of things, but I'm not going out much right now.  Especially on weekends.  Perhaps I'll take a day off in a couple weeks and hit a few stores during the day.  If it is crowded - or more crowded than I want to be in - I can always leave and go somewhere else.  For some people I just don't have a clue what to buy them.  But I'm cutting back anyway so a gift card may be what they get - although I hate to give those.

But the grandsons are difficult to buy for cause I'm not around them that much - any of them.  Oh well, I'll figure it out.  At least I'm writing things down so when I have a couple things I can stop.

I hear Sheeba walking around, trying to find me.  She doesn't like it when she finds this door shut.  I reckon I need to get up and figure out what I'm doing to start the day.  Shower probably.  Hubby didn't get up until after 6 so he let her out of the crate and took her out - thank goodness.

Ok - I'm off here!  Nothing to share today.... just rambling.

Have a great day!

It's all good.....

 Well, I managed to get a hold of my little sister yesterday and we talked for about an hour.  Her first words tome were "are you feeling better today?"  I asked what that meant and she said that I seemed real grouchy the night before.  I again explained to her that I wasn't grouchy, she had not attempted to contact me at all that past week, and I had tried numerous times.... and I was just telling her that I had.  Her response to that?  "Oh.  I can't tell on my phone if I missed a call unless I go into the messages."  Ok.... so why wouldn't you check your messages if you haven't heard from anyone..... oh I just chose not to go there.  

Not only did we talk about an hour then, she called me a few hours later and we talked another hour!  I guess just to catch up on what we didn't get talked about during the week.  Actually, I think she was doing most of the talking and I just listened.  And that's ok.  Funny thing, I can't remember too much of what was talked about!  Oh well.  It's all good.

Finished up crocheting a prayer shawl I started last week.  Other than it may be a little too wide, I like the way the new pattern I've learned looks on it.  Worked on an afghan I started Tuesday night.... last night was pretty quiet.  I didn't even cook dinner except for throwing a pizza in the oven for dinner.  Hubby had taken himself out for lunch so wasn't hungry.  He seems to have no problem with treating himself to breakfast or lunch alone when he is out doing errands or doing things.  Yesterday it was getting the oil changed completed in his car.  He wasn't too hungry so a small pizza was sufficient.

Today is Friday.... and the past few days I've noticed how fast the weeks seem to be flying by.  During the year they don't seem to go by that fast, but now they do.  Could be for various reasons..... I'm real busy and have a lot of things to get done (work and home)...... the holidays are coming upon us quickly (I've already started wrapping Christmas gifts I've already purchased)..... or perhaps it is just the thought that starting in January (as far as we know now) I will have to go downtown to work in the office... which means time spent not here in my quiet area, but getting shower, dressed, makeup, hair done, etc. and drive 45 minutes to the office.   Coming home can be close to two hours.  Maybe I'll get lucky and hit the spaces where traffic isn't that bad.  

But even that is good.  In a sense.  I have missed having my 'space' and although my 'space' was in the car, that was ok.  God and I had lots of conversations in he trips to and from work.  I also was able to have private conversations on the phone without interruptions.  Well, except when I'd wonder out loud what in the world was that driver doing?  I am not looking forward to driving some place that I don't know where I'm going ... in the dark.  It will still be dark in January when I leave here to get to work by 7AM.   But it should be lighter there.  I will be heading down to our Mesa office next Thursday to help tag equipment that is still there and make sure it is ready to be moved to the downtown office.  AND, I've been told that I can go with some others to the Phoenix office and see where I'll be sitting.  I have seen on the diagram where it is....and there is only one thing I like about it.  I have my back to the wall.  I have this phobia of having people look over my shoulder.   

I'm not real thrilled about one boss being several offices to the right and the other boss being several offices to the left.  And I'm in the middle with 3 other executive assistants.  No, I'm not happy with being in a 'corral'.  I like feeling free to do what I do.  But, I guess I will get used to it.  I really don't have much choice.  I voiced my feeling to one boss and got the 'too bad so sad' and 'get over it' impressions.  It will be ok, but I work better alone than I do with other women and I know these women and they are chatterers.  I'm not one of those.... if someone comes to my desk, yes, I'll stop and chat with them, but as a rule, I stay focused on what I'm doing and prefer to work in my own space.  It will be interesting, and I know that it will work out ok.  I'm just a loner at times.

I've got to work on excel charts today.  My one boss gave me homework to create three types of charts - which I did.  Figured it out, and my daughter came over to help me figure the pie chart out.  It's easy to make, but you have to have the right information for it to be useful.  My boss asked for the charts last week and I sent to her.  She responded back that they were good, but now she wants me to do more things with them.  The pie chart she wanted me to figure out percentages.  That wasn't too hard, I figured out how to do that.  But the other two charts I haven't figured out how to do cumulative and something else to them.  That will be my project today amongst other duties.  I have to have these ready for her on Monday, I'm sure.  Google is becoming my best friend to figure these out.  Yes, I need to have a general knowledge of excel, but in reality, I've never used excel until she told me to create a few charts because she wants to give me something else to do every week.  If I will only use it for that one project, why do I need to learn all these other things?  My brain shuts down cause it don't wanna.

But it's all good.

Make your weekend a good one..... still working on unpacking boxes here.  And that's ok.  

Blessings!

Crazy Faith

 I don't know why I often sit here in the mornings thinking what to title this daily blog... and pretty much then base what I write.... on what I make the title.  This morning as I sat here, the song 'Crazy Faith' comes to mind.  Where did that come from?  

In the movie 'War Room' there is one scene where it is played.  I think. As I sit here, I can see this scene, and I know it is from 'War Room', but is it the song that is being played?  Hmmm now I'm not sure. Oh well, I have the title.... let's run with it.

What does it mean to have crazy faith?  Heck if I know!  What could be a definition of crazy faith?  Could it be believing in something NO MATTER WHAT?  Regardless of what happens, continuing to believe in what you believe?

I read Luke 24 and John 20 this morning in my Bible and it talks about when Jesus died and how devastated everyone was, especially the disciples.   Had hope and faith left them?  After all, it is easy to have hope and faith when Jesus was alive and telling them all these things.  After all, He was there, right?  But what happened when He wasn't?  At least physically.

Confusion. Uncertainty. Fear. I'm sure many more things came about them.  They would me!  In fact, the times that I haven't felt God near me, I have felt those things.  Lost. Hopeless. Unworthy. Empty.  Have you ever felt those things?  

Maybe you don't know Jesus personally.  Inside, if you would admit it, do you feel lost? Empty? Confused? Angry, perhaps? Burdened?   What part do you not understand of the entire Bible sharing how much you are loved by Jesus?  He loves you so much (present tense, not just past tense) that He went to the cross for you.  There isn't anyone who would do that for you.....but Jesus.   

Sometimes in this world it does take crazy faith to get through it.  Faith that will sustain you during the most difficult times of your life.  I think this morning of a family who recently lost this 1 year old son to a brain tumor and then a lung infection.  My heart grieves for them.   A friend of a relative who lost her husband recently, and how her heart is grieving this morning.  Two deaths that I have been touched through.  Crazy Faith.  Devastation and pain for the family who doesn't know Jesus as Lord, and peace in knowing they will see the loved one again for the other.

I prefer to have crazy faith.  I choose to believe in what is hard to believe in.  I choose to hope in the salvation of those I love.  I choose to not give up when words hurt and situations create havoc and pain, but have crazy faith to believe that all things work for the good of those who love God.

And I love God.  Sometimes my words may not come across right.  I may do things that people may question.  My behavior may be questionable at times.  But this I know.  Jesus is my Lord and my Savior and in all my failures and in all things, He still loves me.  He forgives me.  He opens my eyes to things that I need to fix, things I need to let go of, and when I need to step away from people who are toxic.  And, when I don't... it just creates turmoil within myself.

Last night I got a text from my little sister and the entire conversation was strange.  But, for her, it was normal.  I just wasn't in the mood to play the game.  I haven't talked with her for about a week.  Over this past week, I have called her, text'd her, but she hasn't answered the phone or responded to the text.  No big deal.  I let it go.  So yesterday was a busy day and I didn't text nor try to call.  I get a text in the evening 'Don't you miss me at all'? and a teary emoiji.  So I text'd back that yes, I missed her, but I had called a total of 4-5 times, with no response, and had text'd with no response.  Yesterday was a tough day so I hadn't done either.   So then I get this response 'oooookkkkaaaayyyyy.... maybe we should talk tomorrow ...... after you've had a couple bottles of wine under your belt' (what is that about?) goodnight.'  I asked 'and you respond that way because....'  and I get 'because you sound like you are wanting to pick a fuss and I don't wanna'.   I just said ok and goodnight.   What was that all about?  Apparently I am on her timetable for catching up.  I had tried during the past week to touch base, but she chose not to respond - and that's ok.  We don't need to talk every day, although we go spells where we do.   It was 8PM our time, 11PM her time, and I don't usually get on the phone that late at night.  When we talk, unless it is something critical, it is usually 4-6PM timeframe.  Oh well.  Maybe today we can connect and I'll get to hear what's on her mind.  Sometimes I just need to back away and let things be.  I'm still scratching my head over that conversation.  She will pretend the conversation never happened - or it was all my fault.   Whatever it is.

Yeah... I think that conversation popped into my mind from what I wrote in the previous paragraph.  But sometimes when things happen you just have to roll with them.

I choose to have crazy faith.... believing in everyone regardless of who or what they are.   I want to believe that deep down they are good people, that deep down, they love Jesus like I do.  They just choose to live a different way.  I know my personality irritates some people (they make it plain) and theirs sometimes irritates me.  But we are all still God's people.  I still believe that God loves them just as much as He loves me.  Some people are just harder to love.

And now I'm back to my usual rambling.  My foot is still painful.... it's been 10-11 days.  I'll give it until Monday and then I'm calling my podiatrist.  It shouldn't still be hurting this way.  And the blue in front of my little toes is still there.  Just a faint blue.  I'm wondering if I pulled a tendon around the toes (do we have tendons around toes?) or something.  I don't know.  All I know is it is still painful.  

Hope that your day is painless, joyful, and productive.  Dig deep for that crazy faith in you - it's there.  

Blessings!

Cold Coffee.... but not iced....

 As I sit here this morning, trying to decide what to write about, I take a sip of coffee.  Blech.  It's cold.  Could be because I closed my eyes a bit ago and fell asleep.  Or I think I did, anyway.  It's cold (or as some people would say, it's feels great!) for me this morning as I sit bundled up here in my blanket and prayer shawl.  But my jammies have short sleeves and I'm cold.  Even with the prayer shawl about me.  And I don't do cold real well.

But cold coffee doesn't bother me as much.  Probably because I can get a cup of coffee in the mornings and then get busy, forgetting to drink it - or I just end up sipping it throughout the morning (that is, if I was at the office) due to busyness.  So I'm kind of used to cold coffee.

Now some people like iced coffee.  It isn't bad.... if I make it myself.  I mean, all I do is add ice cubes to it and it's fine for me.  It's still coffee.  But I ordered it one time from.... Starbucks, I think it was.... and ick.  They added milk or creamer to it.  What's up with that?  I didn't ask for it; I didn't know that is what they did to 'iced coffee'.  I thought it meant they just added ice to it.  

I'm not knocking those who like cream in the their coffee.  My mother always had cream and 2 teaspoons of sugar in her coffee.  Now for me, that was a turnoff right from the get-go.  I decided with my first cup of coffee that if I ever chose to drink coffee, I would drink coffee.  Black.   Now I have on occasion put a flavored creamer in it just to get a different taste.  My problem usually ends up it is too sweet for me.  The thought just occurred to me that one thing someone taught me that I have gotten to like - and have forgotten for years - is this person (probably 30 years ago!!) put a small candy-cane in their coffee.  I tried it and thought it was pretty good.  Not too sweet, and just a little flavor.  I also like to put cinnamon in my coffee sometimes.

Wow.  I went from iced coffee to adding flavors.  Where did all that come from?  I have no idea but it has brought back some memories of years past, companies past, and people whose names I don't even remember.

Speaking of people from years past, I am taking an extended lunch hour today and meeting a friend from over 50 years ago for lunch.  She had a birthday last week and I told her I'd take her out to lunch for her birthday, so we are meeting today.  We'll spend most of the time catching up on life as we haven't seen or talked to each other since my birthday, I guess it is.  We always say we want to meet at least once a month, but it hasn't happened.  She's not that far from us, but we don't usually meet up.  It would have been nice if we were in walking distance of each other - as in a block or two, but we are not.  It's more like five miles, I think.  I looked it up once, but forget.  Anyway, we are meeting up for lunch..... and if there is room left, hot fudge sundaes.

When I think of this friend I often think of a Texas Stromboli.   Oh my goodness.  There was this pizza place that she and I would count pennies and put our change together, going to this place - seems like it was called the Red Feather, but I'm not sure.  Anyway, we would buy a Texas Stromboli and split it.  So good.  If I recall correctly, it was about 1/2 the size of a loaf of French bread like we buy at the grocery today.    So - it was at least 12 inches long and probably 4-6 inches across.  They'd slice it in the middle, and then put a layer of white cheese (not sure what kind), lots of hamburger, onions, peppers, .... kind of like a Philly Cheesesteak...  I forget what else was on it.  But it was so good.   Maybe that's why I love going to Jersey Mike's nowadays and splitting a #17 Philly Cheesesteak.  Half of one of more than enough for me.  Hot, cheesy, and good.

Here I am thinking of food already today.  Lunch, hot fudge sundaes, Texas Stromboli, Philly Cheesesteak.... geez.... I may have to cook breakfast this morning!  I actually did cook breakfast yesterday - made up sausage and eggs bowls.  Not bad, either!

I guess my thoughts are rambling this morning.  

I'll be happy when COVID restrictions lift.  These crazy masks make my nose itch every time I wear one - and it doesn't matter what the material is.  I'm always glad to get to pull it off and be back in my own little world.   I'll also be glad when this election is over.  I'm praying we can celebrate instead of being afraid of what the world is coming to.  I do feel some anxiousness, although the Bible says in Philippians 4: 6-7 - NIV version...

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

But I do like the New Living Translation too....

"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.  Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand,.  His peace will guard your heart and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."

Bottom line, for times like these, is Philippians 3:1......

"Whatever happens, my dear brothers and sisters, rejoice in the Lord. I never get tired of telling you these things, and I do it to safeguard your faith."

Blessings!

Another song.....another truth...

 Yeah, I woke up this morning with another song in my head.... and it has been playing over and over in my mind since I got up as well.  "O there's nothing, better than You, O there's nothing, better than You, Lord, there's nothing, nothing is better than You....".  Those words will mean nothing to you who do not listen to Christian music or church.  But those words hold great meaning.

What could be better than Jesus?  Nothing.  

That's it.  Can you truly think of anything better than Jesus?  There is nothing better than Him, and you will have to admit it at some point.  Go ahead and shrug your shoulders, you know it is true.

Who made the heavens and the earth?  The heavens even declare the glory of God.  Everywhere you look, you see God's handiwork.  There is nothing that He hasn't made.  God has orchestrated everything, everywhere, and He did it for us.

So many times we get so busy that we forget to thank Him.  But we are sure to be quick to diss Him when things don't go our way.   I listen to the wind blowing hard outside.  I say 'hard' because I hear the metal flag we have up against the house banging against the house.  I'm curious if our patio chairs are in place still or if they have moved during the night.  I was awakened a few times during the night with what sounded like metal rubbing against something - need to check our window screens for that is what I was reminded of.  Not that the noise was it, but that is what I was thinking of when I heard it.

So what purpose is this hard wind?  I don't know.  It's raising havoc with the fires going on, I'm sure!  So hard to control when the wind is blowing it not out - but expanding it.   Do we pray and thank God for the wind?  But what is the end result?  Where is the wind coming from and where is it going?  We can't see it so we can't stop it.  We feel it but cannot do anything about it.

But there is a purpose to everything, isn't there?  Ecclesiastes 3:1 says there is.  There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:.....

With the wind has come much cooler weather; cooler weather that many have been wishing for.  Is that the wind's purpose?  

With all the havoc that has been happening the past few years, I can believe what I have been reading lately in a couple of books.  Satan wants America.  Satan wants to destroy America because we were founded on Biblical principles.  We have always claimed to be a Christian nation.... until a president we had 4 years ago said that we were not a Christian nation,  Satan sure was happy to hear that.  

But he's a dead man.  He's worthless.  He has no value.  All he can do is drag men and women down into the pit of hell with him.  I have to admit he does that quite well.  Many I know will end up there, because they have chosen life with Satan, rather than Jesus.  Jesus died, and Satan rejoiced.  Until Jesus rose again and Satan was not happy about that@!

I am not perfect, I admit that.  Sometimes I am too honest on here and speak my heart, and that is my choice; my blog, my words, my freedom to say those words.  You may not agree with them.   And that's ok.   Some things I say are just the pain within me trying to find a release, so that I can go on living.  Sometimes they are just rambling words, helping me sort out what my mind has jumbled up.  

But everything always comes back to Jesus.  At the beginning of my day, it's all about Jesus.  At the end of my day, it is still all about Jesus.  He knows everything about me, the good, the bad, the ugly.  And He still loves me.  He gives me unwarranted grace.  I do not deserve His grace, but He freely gives it to me.  

And He offers it to you.  Will you accept His grace, and follow Him?  Will you give up your worldly ways and turn to Him?  He doesn't say you have to give up all your bad habits, and get in shape to be His.  In time you will want to honor Him by giving them up yourself.  All He is asking for, is your heart surrendered to Him.

For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.  For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him.  Whoever believes in Him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son.  This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil.  Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed.  But whosever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it maybe seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God.  John 3:16-21.

Oh, there's nothing better than You
There's nothing better than You
Lord, there's nothing
Nothing is better than You.

Thank you, Jesus.  There truly is nothing better than You.  You comfort and heal the brokenhearted, you bring back the lost.   He never gives up on me.  and He never gives up on you.  

Blessings!

I woke up this morning thinking about ...... Hope.

 What is hope anyway?  I don't want to stop and look up a true definition for it this morning, but I am thinking a definition would be something like..... wanting something but have nothing to get it with.  Does that make sense?  No matter.  

We had a good and bad weekend.  Being together 24x7 is starting to rear its head again and after 7 months of it, I have grown very weary.  I will admit that I am jealous that hubby can go to his 'men's breakfasts' or 'men's meetings' every week and get out and see people.  Or just go somewhere.  And I have to sit at home during the week behind a computer.  Accountable.  I often push on the want to retire button, but then what?  We would have no money to do anything with, with Sheeba we cannot go anywhere unless we board her, which costs money.  So I shrug and keep working.  And keep hoping that things will change.

I am able to do something this week that I normally do not do.  One of my big bosses is on vacation this week so I have scheduled a lunch with an old friend to celebrate her birthday.  I know I will be gone longer than an hour, and although neither of my bosses would really care, I am very aware I would be taking longer.  I put in more than 40 hours a week so it doesn't really matter.  And it really isn't a big deal.  My taking extra for lunch, that is.  It at least gives me something to look forward to.  And I know I can hope for good conversation and good friendship for a long time to come.

I had an odd dream last night and I can only remember a part of it... still don't understand it... but I woke up with the chorus "even when I don't see Him, He's working, even when I don't feel Him, He's working, He never stops, He never stops working, He never stops, He never stops working."  And seeing that song in my heart and mind as I woke up means so much to me.  It's a reminder of the hope that I have in the things of life.  God is always at work.  He never slumbers, but is always at work, answering prayers, working miracles, restoring relationships, building marriages.  He is always at work, and never stops just because I give up hope, He never stops working.

I gave thought to giving up yesterday.  It was an especially tough day - and yet it wasn't as tough as some.  Yes, we got on each other's nerves, but I recognize that part of it is my fear of the unknown, and hubby's fear of his own unknown.  We get frustrated at the simple things.  But I'm sorry, if he asks me in one of the frustrating moments if I think he is stupid, I am going to answer truthfully and say yes.  How many times am I asked the same question about that stupid phone?  I can't help it if things don't come up the way he thinks it should.  Don't ask me a question and expect a dishonest answer.  Yes, I got over the issue but he will bring it up again...and again... if he remembers.  But I hope for better days.

I was asked again yesterday "what are we going to do with Sheeba?"  I don't know what the true answer will be on that one.  For now, I just say we will do what we can and take her to the dog park to run.  She's always in the way.  She likes to jump on me (and at over 100 pounds is quite heavy, even when I'm sitting down) and is like a shadow.....a big shadow.  Since she caused me to hurt my foot, it has become more of an issue because I haven't been walking.  It's interesting that my toes are still quite sore and if I try to bend my big toe I about come up out of the chair.  The blue is nearly gone from the big toe and it is interesting that the blue has now come up over the middle toes.  And they aren't sore.  I am hoping the toes will heal and the pain will go away.  I enjoy walking and even around the house sometimes it is too much effort to limp to another room.  Unless it's the bathroom, and I make that effort. :-)  She is still just a big puppy.  I can hope as she ages she will calm down.

We went for massages on Saturday and it must have been exactly what I needed for I slept through the night all the way to almost 6AM - almost unheard up anymore.  I slept 8 or 9 hours.  Whether it was exhaustion from life, (certainly not from exercise) or relaxation from the massage, it was enough to allow my body to rest.  I can only hope for those nights to happen again.  Last night I was awake two hours after going to bed and struggled to get back to sleep and was awakened by my alarm at 4AM.  I didn't want to get up, but I had a song in my head and knew I had to get up.  

What is the reason for my hope?  It's not in the things that I 'hope' for.  Peace, Love, Kindness, Gentleness, Self-Control, Joy, Goodness, Faithfulness.... (yeah, they are out of order)... but this is where my hope comes from.  You can find it in - of all places - Job 19:25-27.

"For I know that my Redeemer lives, and He shall stand at last on the earth; and after my skin is destroyed, this I know, that in my flesh I shall see God.  Whom I shall see for myself, and my eyes shall behold, and not another.  How my heart yearns within me!"

I pray that, today, you will find the HOPE that you are searching for, the HOPE that you long for, the HOPE that is there for you.  What are you placing your hope in?

Blessings!

The Silence of the Morning....

Silence.  Quiet.  Not a movement or sound except the click of the keyboard as I type this.  I treasure these moments of silence for it is in these times I sometimes hear God speak to me.  His Word comes alive to me and reveals treasures of truth to my heart.  These are the moments I live for.

They don't happen often.  Even when i get up at 4AM to do my time with God, it often is interrupted when hubby brings me a cup a coffee (tho much appreciated) as I do my quiet time.  I have quiet time, yes, but even though my door is shut, I find myself listening for steps that will come into this room to get something out of the closet or to ask something.

But this morning is different.  Hubby left about 40 minutes ago to go to the last session of whatever it was he was attending on systemic racial something or other.  I don't remember what they were calling it.  I get to hear all about it when he returns.  It's just for men to attend.  I thought he might skip this session, but he chose to go.  He has learned a lot, and has shared what racial divisiveness was when he was growing up.  We both find it interesting that he, our pastor, and our pastor's son are the only ones consistently attending with one or two others who popped in for one week.   Of course we don't have that many men in the church as we are very small.  

I am alone.  Well, with Sheeba.  Poor baby.  I haven't walked her all week due to my foot... I say foot instead of just toe because even last night my entire foot was throbbing during the night.  Don't know what's going on with that.  The urgent care said nothing was broken.  I guess I need to stay off it more, but in reality I have as I sit at a desk all day.  I'll give it a couple more weeks then may schedule an appointment with my podiatrist to see if something else is wrong.  Sometimes things happen in the body that heal, but they create other issues to come to light.

I am alone, and I am loving the quietness of the morning.  I have my coffee.  I've read my Bible - still in Ezekiel but towards the end - and I am hearing Sheeba stir.  I do need to get her taken out for her morning duties.  Then feed her breakfast.  I wish we had room for her to run in.  I told hubby we need to take her to the dog park, but to start with, I want to take her when she will be alone or with just one or two larger dogs.  Need to see how she will react.  If she goes after one, we won't be able to take her back.  And I don't think she will.  She just isn't used to being around dogs.  She's curious - and since she is so big, it scares the other dogs.

I didn't sleep well last night.  Hubby also was having some sort of nightmare as he was thrashing about the bed for about an hour and talking in his sleep but I could not understand what he was saying.  Not sure who he was dealing with.  Well, I don't know, and he doesn't remember this morning.  But I was awakened and then my foot started throbbing and I could not go back to sleep for about an hour.  I could not believe when I woke up at 5:30AM and what woke me up was the shower going.  I tried to go back to sleep, but I knew I needed to get up.  I don't usually get to stay in bed that late, but I knew I would need to get dressed and be ready to take Sheeba out at some point.

So much on my mind.  During the time I was awake last night, all I could think of was the issues going on in the family right now.  Depression overwhelmed me and I felt like I was drowning.  I began to pray for my boys, my daughter, my nephew, my family.  My depression began to lift, my foot stopped throbbing, and I was able to sleep.  It would be so easy to take up residence in my depression.  My heart grieves at all that is going on.  I am helpless.  I am not involved, except emotionally.  I don't understand why the 'do what is right' words are so hard to hear.  To do.  I withdraw.  I hide in my cocoon I put about me to protect my heart.  I wait.

Lord, I ask that my sorrow does not overtake me, that you cannot rescue me from its depths.  Instead, O Lord, as I wait here before You, in silence, I pray that You visit me, and bring comfort and peace to my soul.  Keep me from the pits of despair for You alone are my God.  There is nothing before You.  You are all I need.  I am Yours.   

And in spite of their rebellion, my children belong to You for I dedicated them to You years ago.  They fight You, they run away from You, but I stand in the gap for them and I know they are Yours.  You wait patiently for them.  Thank you, Jesus.  Thank you that we don't have to be perfect.  We will fall and make mistakes.  But You, O God, are our Redeemer, our Rescuer, our Hope, our Nail in a Sure Place.  No matter what, my children shall return to You, for Your Words says that 'train up a child in the way he should go, and they will not depart from it'.  I hold on to those Words, Lord.  They don't have to be perfect.  They just need to acknowledge You as Lord of their lives, and let You direct their path.  Thank you, Jesus, for the Hope and Reassurance You give me.

 A little more time of silence, listening for His voice, and I must take Sheeba out.  Lord, thank you for being in all these situations that are before us.  I don't need to know what You are going to do.  I just need to trust that 'all things work for good, for those who love the Lord.'  

Happy Saturday. Take time to enjoy the silence......

Blessings.

Cooler mornings....

 These cooler mornings are nice but they tend to want me to go back to sleep.   I struggle to stay awake cause all I want to do is snuggle down in my blanket and keep warm, and close my eyes....and .... but, today is Friday and I still have a lot of work to do today.  It's been a busy week for sure!

I've been praying hard for God to not only protect our President and Vice President and their families (have you?) but also that God will control this election.  We watched the debate last night - I really do not like to watch those as I get so much in turmoil with the incomplete explanations, interruptions, etc.  The comments that get spoken - many which are lies and have been proven to be lies. Then to listen to the commentators afterwards with their panel... many of who are party-oriented and not open minded as to who would be the best person.... ugh.  I just struggle with what could be the outcome.  I thought with the last election I was anxious.... but God.    And I'm praying that God will bring the right person He wants that will build us up and not tear us down.  

One has to have faith in these times.  Faith that no matter what, God is in control.  It doesn't matter how many ballots are found in a dumpster or a house.  It doesn't matter on some of these issues... God is still in control and my being anxious about it does not change that.  I must have faith, and I must believe in the One who controls ALL things.   

We also must deal with the consequences of our actions - whether it is voting for the wrong person and they win, or doing something that we shouldn't be doing.  I'm very sad and frustrated at what my nephew is having to deal with - thanks to a certain person of which I will leave unnamed.  He was arrested recently.... and yesterday was his court hearing.  It didn't go well.  It has been continued and he has been assigned a public defender.   There is nothing I can do but pray for favor with the courts.  What has happened is unfair, and he must suffer the consequences of his actions - which from what I understand was drunkenness and a verbal comment - but it has put a blot on his record and he must pay for it.   My thoughts this morning are jumbled, I'm afraid.  Part of me is angry at the people who caused this entire situation.... and yet, it is the nephew who suffers the consequences of his own actions.

Back to my cooler mornings.... yesterday I did go out and sit with hubby for a bit in the courtyard of our house since I am not walking Sheeba right now.  We still haven't heard back from the place in Gilbert and hubby called them yesterday and left a voicemail.  I told him we could just keep her and not walk her, but try to take her to the dog park daily.  My toe is still very sore and blue but the foot isn't as swollen as it was and I am walking easier.  I about went through the roof last night - I walked into the front room to sit down at the couch.... and Sheeba came over and literally stood on my toe.  I couldn't get her to move and she didn't understand why I was trying to push her away.  Yeah, that hurt really bad.

Hubby has his men's group this morning and I will be alone for a few hours - such as it may be.  I still have lots of work to do for the office so it doesn't make any difference I will be alone - other than I won't be interrupted.

Don't have much to write this morning.... many things I cannot write - or rather I won't put on here.  Some things just don't need to be said.

Life is hard sometimes.  I struggle; we all struggle with something.  For now, I am learning even more to lean into God and trust Him to help me through these tough and difficult times.  My heart is so heavy with circumstances and issues but I cannot live in those.  I must release them to God.  When I do that, He will take over and bring peace to my heart.  The endings may never be what I want them to be, but I have no control over it.

We all must suffer the consequences of our own actions, but unfortunately, sometimes those consequences affect others.  It's times like these I want to run away where no one can find me.  And it is in the darkness of life that I look to the One who can rescue me from despair and set my feet on solid ground.  Thank you, Jesus.

Have a great day.

I don't wanna wake up!!

 I keep snuggling down into my chair this morning and dozing back off.  Yes, I've read my Bible, my devotional, said prayers, but I am still sleepy.   I slept all night too.  I think a lot of it is just the cooler days/nights and my body just wants to rest.  Other than I had a two hour meeting yesterday to sit through - maybe that wore me out.  We never stay up late, but I did crochet some and read some last night so I was pretty relaxed.n 

Poor Sheeba.  I didn't walk her yesterday and she knows somethings up.  Dogs just do.  Hubby did go to Soldiers Best Friend, but they don't take donated dogs, they said.  They pick them up from the rescue places.  They did give us a list of places they get from.  One sounded good until I discovered it was in New York.  I sent an email to one place in Gilbert.  Haven't heard back from them yet if they would be interested.

I'm starting to have second thoughts.  I want Sheeba to have a good, active, life.  But, I really am struggling with letting her go.  She is a good dog, but hubby nor I just have the strength to walk her.  Maybe I can get hubby to take her to the dog park in the middle of the day - it's cooler now and perhaps there won't be that many dogs there.  I don't know if there is that many big dogs here - I have only seen two big dogs in our area, but we are just a small section of this area.  Maybe ... if we can do that .. it will give her exercise and will help.  Maybe we can take her on my lunch hour today - it isn't that far away.

I couldn't believe my toe/foot by late afternoon yesterday.  My foot was swollen and my toe and the side/top area of my foot was blue.  All from a stubbed toe.   After grabbing something to eat I made sure I had it propped up for the evening and it doesn't look quite as bad this morning.  However, it does still hurt  hurt.  The blue is now pretty much just on the toe and it's lighter so it must be going away.  I took a photo of my feet yesterday and sent to a couple people and asked which foot did they think I hurt.  LOL  My sister said my shoes were too tight as the strap of my sandel was showing on the right foot - so I told her it was my left foot I wanted her to see - there were no marks other than the blue as it was swollen.  Oh well, this too shall pass.

My granddaughter taught me a new crochet stitch the other day and I am enjoying using it and making something else.  It's a pretty pattern and I find I still make mistakes (TWO loops, not THREE loops in that link) with it.  So much I want to do.  I want to get started on the quilts I want to make for Christmas gifts.  I want to crochet. I want to knit. I want to read.  Not necessarily in that order.  BUT I HAVE to work so all that falls to second, third, fourth and fifth place.  Oh well.  How in the world did I do all that I did years ago?  It still amazes me that back in my 40's I taught a Bible study class each week, attended a class, went to college two nights a week - and still had a life.  Now I can barely get through an evening sitting on the couch crocheting.  AND I used to stay up until 10-11PM getting things done and then go work all day.  Now I'm in bed by 8-8:30PM - depending on how tired I am.  I still get up at 4AM, but I'm struggling with that now and crave that extra hour or two of sleep.  What in the world?

Could I be getting OLD?  I thought as one aged that their body is so used to getting up early for work that they just stay on that schedule.  Our neighbor says she stays up until around 10:30-11PM then sleeps in until 9:30AM.  I couldn't sleep that late.  I've always told myself that I have to get up early - this is MY time, and why waste it sleeping?  So I take naps instead.  That works, right?  A ten minute nap in the middle of the day can do wonders.  And I've done that too.  Pastor Steve preached one time on the importance of taking a 'siesta' in the afternoon.  It helps get you through the afternoon and evening.  I agree with him!

White hair is a crown for us older folks.  And since I haven't been going to get my hair done, I am getting strands of white running through my hair - and you know what?  I.don't.care.  Hubby told me last week I needed to go get my hair done.  Guess he doesn't like it.  But, I'm not working at the office, we are doing church online, and the only place we go is to my daughter's or to the store due to COVID, so why do I need to go get my hair done.  Once we get word that we definitely will go back into the office I will go and get it shaped and trimmed and probably get my usual highlights.  But for now, nah.

I don't think I mind getting old.  I am embracing it thus far.  I realize I'm a bit weaker (and have been working out with my hand weights to keep some strength in my arms) and as I've aged.  I have cut back on my eating as I am not getting as much exercise as I should (but that butter pecan ice cream or that pecan cluster blizzard just keeps calling my name).  I'm walking (well, not right now, but will be back at it in a few days sans Sheeba) to keep my legs strong.  My big brother and I have already got a challenge going for whenever we make a trip back to Indy or he comes out here to do a l-o-n-g walk.  We haven't designated miles.  Since his heart surgery, he is still working on building up his strength.

Well, it's after 6AM and I'm usually dressed and getting ready to head out the door with Sheeba and here I still sit in my room.  I need to get dressed.  Hubby and I (and Sheeba) sat in the courtyard yesterday morning drinking our coffee until time for me to go to work.  

Sometimes that is even nice.  Just sit and be still.

Reminds me of Psalm 46:10 - my favorite verse...well, one of them.  "Be still and know that I am God". I love those times of being still and just being and knowing.

Try it.  Grab a chair and go sit where you can be quiet with no distractions.  If outside, look at the beauty around you.  If inside, you may want to close your eyes to keep from being distracted, but just imagine in your mind the beautiful trees changing colors, the mountains of beauty....

God made it all.  Be still.... and know.... that He is God.

Blessings!

An addendum to yesterday's walk.....

Life is painful sometimes .... literally.  Emotionally.  Just when you think things may just get better..... things happen.  And your heart is in a turmoil again.  Just when there just might be peace... there is no peace.

But first... the addendum...  I took Sheeba for her walk yesterday morning.  We didn't even get around the block when we came upon an elderly man walking his little dog.   I stepped out into the street with Sheeba because we obviously cannot share the sidewalk at that meeting point.  As I got to the man, we spoke, and he commented on his little dog being 14 years old.  Now Sheeba had been behaving up to that point, standing beside me.  

All of a sudden....she lunges at the little dog.  The little dog starts barking and I'm pulling Sheeba back as hard as I can - but my strength is no match for hers.  She pulls me into the curb and I hit my foot hard against it.  The man and his dog were ok and they went on, but I limped home with Sheeba.  Not sure what to do, I get home and take my shoe off and my big toe is already swelling.  And the pain is intense.  The toe is numb, but the pain is there.

So I debated (of course hubby is all over the top about me being hurt) and ended up going to the urgent care just in case the bone was broken in my toe as the pain was radiating up my leg.  I knew there was nothing they could do about a toe - broken or otherwise - but wanted to be sure that if the bone was broken it hadn't separated.  After x-rays, it wasn't broken but they taped my toes together and I went on my way.

We talked all day about Sheeba....what to do.  Hubby blames himself because I had told him the day before I wasn't sure how much longer I could walk her as she was so much stronger than I am.  He said he should have walked her.  But I let him know that if he had walked her yesterday and she did this (she actually did it twice yesterday in that block.  The other dogs were across the street and she lunged out into the street, trying to get to them - not vicious, but just lunging to get to them.), she would have pulled him into the curb and he could have been seriously hurt.  She has pulled him down twice that I know of - all the way to the floor.

So what do we do with Sheeba?  That is the issue at hand.  She has great strength and even with the shocker - which she ignores - she does whatever she wants to do.  As a rule, without any other dogs around, she will stay with me.  But, when she sees another dog, she will lunge to get them.  I've managed to keep her in check pretty much until yesterday.   I'm afraid to walk her now because if she ever got a hold of one of these small dogs, we could have some serious legal issues.  Plus, there was one time she was trying to get to a little dog and the little dog got the little old lady walking her tangled up and nearly made her fall.  That could be another liability.  

I have suggested to hubby to go check out Soldiers Best Friend.  It's a place not far from here, and I believe our youngest son got his dog from there.  If they are interested, and can train her, perhaps she can become a help to a soldier.  I can't think what they call her - an emotional support dog?  We just don't know what else to do.  It is breaking our hearts, but neither of us are strong enough to keep her.  She is so big now, she can walk between my legs and I could easily sit on her back.  She's a good dog, and loves people, but continues to jump on people and lunges at dogs.  We've spent a lot of money in trying to get her trained, but to no avail.  She has a mind of her own.  

So that's one heartache this morning.... and the other.... well, read my son's blog this morning.  Because of unforgiveness, there is going to be a lot of hurt happening in the family again.  Plans have been made to give my nephew work by letting him work in their old house.  He will get paid for working there, it will give him a place to stay while he is working there.  Now it  seems other plans will happen and my daughter and son-in-law won't be able to buy it from them.  The cash in hand is a sure thing, which makes no sense.  I am not sure all the reasons.... and it is none of my business.  But I know of some of the plans that are being made behind the scenes, waiting on the house to be emptied so they can get started on it.  The nephew is excited he can work on things and see the results of his work.  Without it, there isn't much work right now.  They have done just about all they can at my house.   Family is family and in spite of past issues and differences.... forgive and forget just isn't there.  And I'm honestly disappointed.  I'm hurt.  But all I can do is pray.  I can't get involved.  I'm sad.  

Hopefully we can work things out for the best for Sheeba.  My son-in-law offered to take her, but I can't let him.  They already have three dogs and a cat there.  And Sheeba is 50 times bigger than any of the dogs.  Will see what Soldiers Best Friend says.   It breaks my heart to let her go, and we will not get another dog,   After losing Marley, I didn't think we would get another, but hubby wanted one and he found this one.  But she ended up being more 'my dog' than his as I was the one walking her.  I hope things will work out for her.  

I know it sounds like I'm rationalizing what is bound to happen - us letting Sheeba go - but the fear is real when we are older and she is so much stronger than we are.  Like I said, she had pulled hubby to the ground twice that I know of.  He isn't as strong nor as quick as he used to be.  In fact, he has slowed down a lot.  I'm slowing down too, and it is becoming very apparent that I can't hold on to her.  Will I be taken to the ground the next time?  I dunno.

Well, guess I'll hit the shower since I am not taking Sheeba for a walk this morning.  My foot/toe isn't quite as blue this morning, but twice during the night it woke me up when I apparently moved it.  And I woke with a yelp!  A good hot shower will feel good.

Have a good day!  Pray we make the right decision.

Could it be the weather is cooling down?

 For whatever reason it is, the past few days I have been tired and wanting to sleep.  In fact, as I finished up crocheting a Christmas gift last night, hubby looked over and commented on whether I was awake or not.  I was in bed by 8PM last night - woke up when hubby came to bed - whenever that was - awake at 1AM, then I slept until my alarm went off at 4AM. I could have gone back to sleep even then.  I guess the few nights of not sleeping well caught up with me - plus yesterday 'at work' was a very busy day.  The day flew by because I had so much to do. Which is a good thing.  I was to be in a 4PM meeting but was able to get my boss to cancel it so I could get off the computer.  Otherwise I would have been on it until 5PM.  The weather is cooling down so perhaps that is causing me to want to rest more.  Or I'm just working too hard.  Yeah, that's it.  Right?

Today is a new day, and although I've gotten 8 hours of sleep (round-about), I'm not anxious to be working.  I can think of many more things I'd rather be doing!  But, I'll finish up here, get dressed, and take Sheeba for her morning walk.  I'm not sure how much longer I can do that.... I am going to have to go to the gym and work on my arm strength, I think.  We saw a couple small dogs yesterday and although I went out into the street with Sheeba, I found it difficult to keep hold of her.  The leash slid through my hands before I could get her pulled back.  Usually I'm ready to use the shocker (collar) on her if she gets out of hand, but sometimes she ignores it and pulls on the leash anyway.  I'm still able to hold on to her, but if she continues to do this and I don't get the needed strength in my arms, I will not be able to walk her anymore.  If hubby would take her down to the dog park and let her run, that would help immensely and I wouldn't worry about walking her.

When I got back home yesterday I commented to hubby that at one time I had difficulty hanging on to Sheeba and have a need to work on my arm and back muscles so that I can keep a tighter grip on her.  He commented that he guessed that he would have to start walking her.  I just flat out told him that he doesn't have that strength anymore.  He hasn't really worked out in a couple years - just going periodically - and that doesn't build it up.  I know that if I can't hold on to her, he may have a little more strength than I do, but he doesn't have the stability he needs.  She has caused him to fall a couple times - which he says is because it catches him offguard.  Whatever - he still has fallen.  Praise God he hasn't broken anything.  But he can.  And I can, if I'm not careful.  Sheeba is over 100 pounds now and she is pure strength.  I work out occasionally with my hand weights here at home, but I do need to start going to the gym and build up strength in my body so that I can hold on to her.  I laughed to myself when he commented last night he was going to start going back to the gym.

The term "eyes screwed shut" keeps coming into my mind this morning.   How many times do we close our eyes to our circumstances, or the circumstances of others.  Perhaps we can help, but we don't offer because we don't want to get involved.  I know I'm guilty of that.  I tell myself it is none of my business; I may observe something, but I cannot fix it, and I need to leave it alone.  But is that what we should do?  Perhaps in some cases, it is.

But how often do we close our eyes to things that we should do something about?  Perhaps it is helping someone do something - but we choose not to because we just don't want to?    There have been people in my life who could have helped, and chose not to.  I recognize that and I don't hold it against them.  I may have thought they could help, but in reality, they could not.  Others have offered to help - and I turned them down.  Why is that?  Why do we turn down help when someone offers?  I tend to do that more often, I think.  The only reason I can think of is that I can usually do it, but perhaps just can't get it done then.  Or I don't want them 'in my stuff'.  Whatever that may be.

Sometimes it is good to have someone 'in my stuff'.  Yesterday I heard the sprinklers in our courtyard go off and it sounded odd.  And it ran for awhile.  I had heard it last week and had commented on the amount of water that seemed to fill up the flower beds.  The son-in-law came over and planted flowers in my flower pots for me earlier in the day and my daughter helped me learn how to do excel charts and to work on the 'homework' my boss had given me.   When I heard the sprinklers yesterday, and looked out, I decided to go outside and see what was going on - to find that apparently a couple of the sprinkler heads were broke and water was going everywhere.  I had standing 2" water in the flower beds and it was flowing over into our neighbors courtyard.  I text'd my son-in-law and he came over.  By then they had shut off but he worked on them and will need to replace one or two of the sprinkler heads.  So it is  good to let people help - especially when you need it!

I am loving the cooler weather in the mornings and sometimes will chuckle when I see some of the older people (yes, I am one of the older people, but not doing this - YET) wearing jackets as they take their morning walk.  It is cool, but since I am probably moving much faster than they are since I have Sheeba, I don't get 'cold' - until I get home and then I am really chilled.  Plus I have discovered that the bedroom I use as my office is apparently also the coldest room in the house.  Me, who can't stand being cold, is once again in the coldest room.  Go figure.  But I put on a sweater or wrap up in my prayer shawl and keep working.  

Eyes screwed shut.  Eyes closed so that they don't see.  Or eyes open and not choosing to see.  We all do that at some point, I think.  But God's Word says we are to have our eyes open to see what we should see, so that we can help as we need to help.  It's like hearing the Word, but closing our ears to what is being said.  We don't want to do what the Word says, so if we ignore it, or read over it, we don't have to do it.  Or so we think.  We are still held accountable for the Word.

Where are you at this morning?  Are your eyes screwed shut?  Let's put it another way.  Are the eyes of your heart screwed shut, so that you don't feel compassion, sympathy, love, kindness, etc.?  Are you hard-hearted?  You know you weren't created to be that way.  I get that way sometimes, I know.  I just don't wanna care!  I don't want to be involved!  And yet, we are all called to care for one another.  Some people just make it difficult - very difficult - to care for.  

Let's start today.  Unscrew those eyes and see what is around you.  Really look at the people you live with, and watch with eyes wide open.  Did you see that little sigh?  What is going on?  Did you see that wince when you said those words?  Were they hurtful?  Open your heart a little and extend that hand - even if you know there isn't anything you can do, do you offer?  Do you let them know that you support them even if you can't help them?

Thoughts are running through my head this morning.... glad I need to stop and get dressed to take Sheeba out for her walk - this could ramble on for awhile!  So I will stop.  

Take time today to smell the roses.  Their fragrance is pleasing to the air around you.

Blessings!

I overslept...

 I don't know whether it was just exhaustion that overtook me yesterday morning or what - but I didn't wake up until 5AM, then when I came in to my room to do my quiet time, I fell asleep again, and didn't wake up until 6AM.  I started doing my quiet time and before I knew it - it was 7AM.  I wanted to take Sheeba out for a long walk yesterday, but it didn't happen.  We watch Jentezen Franklin at 8AM (and it was an awesome message!) so Sheela didn't get a walk.  Thought I would take her later in the day, but that didn't happen either.  I must stop after I write this and get dressed to take her out.  Poor baby - if I don't take her, she doesn't get a walk at all.  

Yesterday was a different type of day.  Instead of staying home as we usually do, I suggested we do a run over to Barnes and Noble.  Haven't been there for a few years and there are two that I am aware of here in Phoenix still.  We both love books and I've usually had Amazon ship to me or download on my kindle - one or the other.  Hubby, on the other hand, well, let's not go there.  Anyway, we went to Barnes and Noble and I went through the sale racks and found a couple books and a Christmas gift for a great grandchild.  Hubby went through the regular shelves and found two books he wanted.   We grabbed something to snack on at Starbucks there and something to drink, then checked out.  

For the family member who does go to Barnes and Noble occasionally, or used to, I bought the membership again for 10% off.  (I actually got 20% off yesterday).  Use my cell phone number.  Just an FYI.

After that I wanted to run over to Costco and pick up a few things.  Well, that was a mistake.  It was very crowded and I didn't think as I picked up a couple things.  I much prefer $ be on the package so that you can see exactly what you are paying for.  One of the prepared meals had something like $11.79 on the ticket above it and I just wasn't thinking..... that darn package ended up cost $33 and something!  It was by the pound of course!  At least that was only one thing.  And then we needed stamps.  For whatever reason, hubby just cannot buy his own stamps, and when he runs out, he comes and uses mine.  So I bought a package of them yesterday and gave him two 'books'.  That should hold him for awhile.  Yeah, he still pays a lot of bills via mail versus just jumping online.  And those he does online he waits until the day they are due to pay them - which drives me absolutely insane.  If the money is in the bank, just pay the bill and be done with it!  UGH!

By evening I had a headache so after watching a movie I took a couple ibprophen and went to bed.  Slept pretty good last night but as always happens when I take something when I go to bed, I have trouble waking up in the morning.  This morning was no different.  I'm finally starting to 'come out of it'.  Have a busy day at work.

One of my bosses gave me an assignment on Friday.  She started talking to me about having to make graphs and charts out of excel - of which I know nothing other than typing information in it.  We finally met on Friday and she was very kind and showed me how to create some of the charts.  BUT, watching her and not doing it myself doesn't help.  We met for about 1/2 hour and then she gave me an assignment to create 3 charts - a pie chart, a line chart, and a bar chart - of what I do in ministry or whatever else I do.  In one week.  

I decided to do a chart of the miles I have walked for the 500 mile challenge I have been in.  When I totaled them all up, I have only walked 300 of those 500 miles, so I have to get busy and get more walking in - which didn't happen at all this weekend.  I was able to create some of the charts, but I couldn't figure out how to get some of the numbers off the chart and just have the lines.  I know my daughter knows excel so checked in with her.  She text'd me last night she has printed off some instructions for me, and will stop by today and will show me how to do some things.  I need to create another excel sheet of information to create charts from, but if she can help me understand more, that would be very helpful.

My biggest problem is that my 'want to' gets overrun by my 'don't want to' most of the time.  I argue with myself I won't use these things again so why do I need to learn them!  I want to retire, not learn new tricks!  But, maybe that is what will keep me young?  Keep my mind active?    

Ok- it's nearly 6AM and I don't have anything to give you this morning.  Got a heavy heart this morning and nothing is getting through.  Maybe tomorrow.  Life is tough sometimes.  Got to get dressed and take Sheeba for a walk.  We both need the exercise.

Hope you have a good day - think positive thoughts and do good things.  Be kind to your family - they need you as much as you need them.  Be thoughtful.  Do something nice for someone without expecting something in return.

Pray for them.  We all need prayers.  And if you don't want to pray for them, pray for me.  I will always take prayers.

Blessings!

Lamenting.....

I did attend the women's fall retreat last night - and plan to go for the rest of it this morning.  At least it is only about 3 hours this morning.  But I had a lot to think about after last night.  Well, I knew about it before, and have done it, oh yes I have.  But, virtual sessions can not give it the punch it needs.

Lamenting.  or Lament.  What is it?  According to Webster's Dictionary - 

 la·​ment | \ lə-ˈment  \

lamented; lamenting; laments

: to mourn aloud : WAILnightingales lament without ceasing— L. P. Smith

1: to express sorrow, mourning, or regret for often demonstratively 

2: to regret strongly

Great - now I've lost my left margin - oh well.  I'll continue.  It was interesting as I looked it up that it has different meanings.  You can lament - or mourn - aloud; wail.  In another location it had it not as a verb but as a noun. Anyway... Psalm 13 is a lament of David's.  "How long, Lord, how long"?  How many times have we thought that - if we have not spoken it?How long will You allow this situation to continue, Lord?  How long will You keep us without?  How long, Lord?  How long?But so many times we put ourselves in that circumstance, in that position.  Whether it be from anger at someone else (holding in that bitterness) or you have been the recipient of a 'blow-out' of someone (distrust, anger) or it is just circumstances of life (why did this have to happen to me?).  We hold ourselves in that position and we think we are right in doing so.  For whatever reason.It isn't until we let it go that we can heal within.  True, you hold that person at a distance who broke your trust.  You forgive, but you just can't forget.  Maybe you walked away from a situation that you should have stayed and fixed, and you regret it now.  Maybe you are the one who had the outburst at someone and you wish you had not said what you did.I feel like I'm rambling this morning.  I'm tired as I didn't sleep well last night.  In fact, when my mind woke up at 4AM (1, 2, 3, 4, ....sigh) and I finally got up out of bed at 4:30AM, I have tried to go back to sleep this morning here in my chair.  Couldn't sleep for my mind kept me awake.  We had homework from last night that I wanted to look at.  We were to write our own psalm of lament.  And 'put to death' those things that continue to hurt us.I haven't written the lament yet, but I did write down some words that I could use.  Things that remain on my heart that I don't talk about.  Things that keep me from living life sometimes because I either just don't want to confront, deal with, or work at... so I hold it in.Words like, pain. sorrow. lonliness. bitterness. anger. isolation. brokenness. broken hearted. Just a few words that I came up with that come back to mind.  So how could I write my own lament?O God, how long must we remain in quarantine?  How long will You cause us to be in isolation, that we cannot be about our business?How long, O Lord, that you will allow This and That to happen... (don't want to name my issues but you can put in your own!) that bring such pain to my soul?How long, O Lord, will You turn Your head the other way and not look upon me and see my distress?  How long, Lord?How long will You allow sickness to prevail for those I pray for?  Why don't You intervene in the situations I ask You to, Lord?  I don't understand at all.  I don't understand why healing doesn't come, I don't understand why my heart hurts so badly because of my circumstances.  I don't understand, Lord, why You keep these things happening time and again, and I cannot do anything but withdraw.  Why, Lord?  Why?You are silent.  I do not hear an answer, but this I pull from Your Word, O Lord, and I say to my heart each morning, "I will not yet forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss.  YET I still dare to hope when I remember this:  The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning."  Lamentations 3:20-22.When I confess my sins to the Lord, He remembers them no more, as far as the east is from the west.  Why is it I hang on to the sins of others?  Even if they do not confess to me, it is not my place to judge them.  I want my sins forgiven, I must let go of the others.  As far as the east is from the west.So I suggest to you today, lament to the Lord the things that trouble you.  You may not get an answer (or you may!) and you may not get an answer you want.   Lament to Him and get it out of your system.  We have a Big God who has broad shoulders.  He's got this!Yet, I still dare to hope..... Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning.Thank you, Jesus.