Silence. Quiet. Not a movement or sound except the click of the keyboard as I type this. I treasure these moments of silence for it is in these times I sometimes hear God speak to me. His Word comes alive to me and reveals treasures of truth to my heart. These are the moments I live for.
They don't happen often. Even when i get up at 4AM to do my time with God, it often is interrupted when hubby brings me a cup a coffee (tho much appreciated) as I do my quiet time. I have quiet time, yes, but even though my door is shut, I find myself listening for steps that will come into this room to get something out of the closet or to ask something.
But this morning is different. Hubby left about 40 minutes ago to go to the last session of whatever it was he was attending on systemic racial something or other. I don't remember what they were calling it. I get to hear all about it when he returns. It's just for men to attend. I thought he might skip this session, but he chose to go. He has learned a lot, and has shared what racial divisiveness was when he was growing up. We both find it interesting that he, our pastor, and our pastor's son are the only ones consistently attending with one or two others who popped in for one week. Of course we don't have that many men in the church as we are very small.
I am alone. Well, with Sheeba. Poor baby. I haven't walked her all week due to my foot... I say foot instead of just toe because even last night my entire foot was throbbing during the night. Don't know what's going on with that. The urgent care said nothing was broken. I guess I need to stay off it more, but in reality I have as I sit at a desk all day. I'll give it a couple more weeks then may schedule an appointment with my podiatrist to see if something else is wrong. Sometimes things happen in the body that heal, but they create other issues to come to light.
I am alone, and I am loving the quietness of the morning. I have my coffee. I've read my Bible - still in Ezekiel but towards the end - and I am hearing Sheeba stir. I do need to get her taken out for her morning duties. Then feed her breakfast. I wish we had room for her to run in. I told hubby we need to take her to the dog park, but to start with, I want to take her when she will be alone or with just one or two larger dogs. Need to see how she will react. If she goes after one, we won't be able to take her back. And I don't think she will. She just isn't used to being around dogs. She's curious - and since she is so big, it scares the other dogs.
I didn't sleep well last night. Hubby also was having some sort of nightmare as he was thrashing about the bed for about an hour and talking in his sleep but I could not understand what he was saying. Not sure who he was dealing with. Well, I don't know, and he doesn't remember this morning. But I was awakened and then my foot started throbbing and I could not go back to sleep for about an hour. I could not believe when I woke up at 5:30AM and what woke me up was the shower going. I tried to go back to sleep, but I knew I needed to get up. I don't usually get to stay in bed that late, but I knew I would need to get dressed and be ready to take Sheeba out at some point.
So much on my mind. During the time I was awake last night, all I could think of was the issues going on in the family right now. Depression overwhelmed me and I felt like I was drowning. I began to pray for my boys, my daughter, my nephew, my family. My depression began to lift, my foot stopped throbbing, and I was able to sleep. It would be so easy to take up residence in my depression. My heart grieves at all that is going on. I am helpless. I am not involved, except emotionally. I don't understand why the 'do what is right' words are so hard to hear. To do. I withdraw. I hide in my cocoon I put about me to protect my heart. I wait.
Lord, I ask that my sorrow does not overtake me, that you cannot rescue me from its depths. Instead, O Lord, as I wait here before You, in silence, I pray that You visit me, and bring comfort and peace to my soul. Keep me from the pits of despair for You alone are my God. There is nothing before You. You are all I need. I am Yours.
And in spite of their rebellion, my children belong to You for I dedicated them to You years ago. They fight You, they run away from You, but I stand in the gap for them and I know they are Yours. You wait patiently for them. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you that we don't have to be perfect. We will fall and make mistakes. But You, O God, are our Redeemer, our Rescuer, our Hope, our Nail in a Sure Place. No matter what, my children shall return to You, for Your Words says that 'train up a child in the way he should go, and they will not depart from it'. I hold on to those Words, Lord. They don't have to be perfect. They just need to acknowledge You as Lord of their lives, and let You direct their path. Thank you, Jesus, for the Hope and Reassurance You give me.
A little more time of silence, listening for His voice, and I must take Sheeba out. Lord, thank you for being in all these situations that are before us. I don't need to know what You are going to do. I just need to trust that 'all things work for good, for those who love the Lord.'
Happy Saturday. Take time to enjoy the silence......
Blessings.
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