For wondering minds.....

 We did have that discussion I talked about yesterday.  I stated facts.  He squirmed.  He said he 'probably should apologize' for he didn't know why he said what he did.  He never did apologize.  But I'm not going to dwell on it.  He acknowledged what he said was wrong.  But to make his words 'right' he commented he was paying for the TV with his social security check.  So I asked him - how much DO you get?  You tell me you pay for the house, the HOA, your car gas, your meals out, the utilities, your things.... all out of your check.  He told me.  

So I told him.... well, if you pay for that all out of your check, and I pay for my car, maintenance, groceries, my doctor and dentist bills, my car gas, and all the incidentals for the house, decorating, etc. out of MY social security check - why do I need to keep working?  

That shut him up.  We moved on.

Yeah, I'm not going to let that hang in the air.  I addressed what I felt was a wrong attack on me.  He got the message.  He didn't apologize, but I'm not going to sweat it.  It's on him.  Now he's scared I'm going to 'retire'.  LOL

I talk about retiring frequently.... but, what would I do if I retired?  We don't have much of a life outside of my baking or my yarn or material projects.  He doesn't like to walk.  He doesn't like to hike.  He works out infrequently.  We both enjoy reading, but ....   I think I would be bored out of my mind.  When I retire I want to hike, I want to take long walks, I want to volunteer, to do more than even what I am doing now.  I am not content to sit at home and do nothing.  We don't have enough money saved to do the travel thing many other retirees do.  

Oh as for the TV - it was put off until today to get it.  After we go to the RV park today for the service, and get back home and change, we will head over to Costco so that hubby will be happy and find another TV.  I had him measure the one we have, and how long the table it is sitting on is.  If he goes much larger, we will have to get a larger table.  Will see how that goes.  At least he isn't asking me to put it on one of my credit cards or pay for it for him.  I can be grateful for that. 

Peace comes when things are put out in the open and discussed.  Even if we still disagree on things, if we can agree to disagree, it can bring peace in the air.  Disgruntled peace, maybe, but not the stilted hard quiet peace.  

Who is it that you have something against that you need to get out in the open and 'agree to disagree' with?  Your spouse?  A child? A family member?  Sometimes just having 'that talk' helps.  Never compare people against each other.  Each one is made in the image of God; each one is an individual.  We were not made to be alike.  We have different temperments, different feelings, different ideas, different thoughts.  We may have similarities, we may have some of the same habits.

But we are one in Christ.  His Word says so.  We are to be like Jesus and walk in His footprints.  See I Peter 2:21.  We may have struggles, but we are to walk as Jesus walked.  How are we doing with that?

I struggle, I have to admit.  Not that I want to struggle, but it's that 'I want to do it my way' that rears it's ugly head and ..... yeah - it happens to you too, doesn't it?  But what if we told ourselves, "no, I don't have to have it done my way.  Let me listen to hear how they feel it should be done.  Maybe that way is better."

Greater is He who is in you, than he who is in the world.  Always remember that.  In ALL things, through Christ, you can get through the life that is before us.

I choose to walk in Jesus' footprints.  Yeah, I may stumble and fall sometimes, but when I confess my sin, and ask forgiveness, Jesus is always willing to pick me up and put me back on His path.  And I am grateful for His forgiveness, His love.

Choose your steps wisely.  Walk in Jesus' footprints.

Blessings!

Saturday morning..... what will today bring?

 Hubby's tossing and turning last night kept me from sleeping well last night, and completely woke me around 4AM when I could have slept a little longer today, being Saturday.  I tried to sleep more, and I probably did doze some, but finally got up at 5AM as he continued to toss and turn.  I hear him get up about 5:15AM or so and he fixes my coffee and brings it to me.  The first words out of his mouth are:

"Tell me I didn't keep you awake last night!"

This is where we are different.  Well, one of those many things that define us.  If I am unable to stay asleep, or feel I am tossing and turning, I get up out of the bed and come to my chair where sometimes I am able to fall back to sleep for a little while.  I don't stay in the bed and keep him awake.  (Remember the morning I said I was awake in the wee hours of the morning and finally got up before 3AM and came into my room?)   This is a frequent occurrence for him.  

Almost every morning he will complain he didn't sleep the night before because of his shoulder hurting.  He has spent $$$ on his shoulder, and his doctor will not give him a cortisone shot because he says it won't work as his shoulder is arthritic.  All the pain meds - advil, ibuprofen, and whatever else he takes, plus all the creams he puts on his shoulder - does not allow him to sleep at night.  I have suggested many times that he get up and go sit in his chair when he can't sleep.  He refuses.

So - he falls asleep in his chair during his quiet time.  And/or mid-morning he will sit in his chair at the desk and fall asleep.  Mid-afternoon he sits in his chair and falls asleep - for an hour or more - snoring loudly or breathing loudly each time.  But I don't dare accuse him of such.  I don't dare tell him that might be why he can't sleep at night.

Now I know when I don't do anything physical during the day, that if I sit and crochet all day and not move around much, I do have trouble getting to sleep at night because my body has been in sleep mode all day.  But of course that isn't his problem; it is his shoulder.  

My heart is heavy this morning because of harsh words last night.  And it's really stupid.  I've already talked to God about it this morning and .... nothing.  My heart is still heavy.  Am I at fault?  Could be.  I probably should have said nothing, instead of asking the question.  I imagine we will have this discussion sometime this morning.   But the brick wall is starting to be built again if we don't address it.  And, we've been getting along so well this past month.  He's been kind.

Our TV this past week has been going out.  I couldn't believe that it had been this way for a day or so before I even looked at the TV and saw it happening.  He was still watching it!  The screen is on for a couple minutes, then it blacks out for a few seconds.  Then it comes on for a minute, then blacks out.  Then it comes on for seconds, and blacks out.  Or it may stay on nearly an hour - and then it starts blacking out every few seconds.  The TV has (almost) stayed off the past two days since he made the decision we are getting a new TV.  I did get him to call a TV repair, but they don't do house calls.  He discussed with his friend "who knows something about TVs" and he said the (whatever) is going out and it's too small and detailed to fix.  I know what is coming.

Without discussing it with me, hubby has made arrangements with the son-in-law (he has a truck) to go to Costco today and buy a new TV.  With re-financing our place because the interest rate had dropped) we didn't have to make a house payment so have $$ in the bank.  I get notice of our checking and savings account at that bank every day.  I infrequently go in and look at what he is doing with "our" money (remember the conversation post about him feeling like he is in prison because I asked what did he spend $177 for?  I didn't recognize the name attached to it.  Another arthritic cream he wanted to try - can you imagine.)

I haven't said anything about getting a new TV....I've kind of liked not having noise all evening to where I could read quietly and without interruption.  But he made the decision to go today with the son-in-law to find one and have the son-in-law help him set it up.  That's fine.  I don't have a problem with it.  The money is in the bank since we haven't had to make a house payment.  It's cool.

But last night..... we were getting ready to meet friends for dinner.... and he tells me, "you need to pay for dinner tonight."  I asked him why?  There is more money in the joint account than I have in mine.  (He often has me pay for any meals out we do - after all, he pays for his own when he meets with friends)  He exploded on me that he was paying $700 for a new TV and he has been watching every penny and saving it.   So I responded back - and yes, there is still more money in the bank than I have in my account.  (The TV just started going out this week - how much money did he save?)   THEN he tells me that if I didn't buy from AMAZON all the time that I would have money.  (now he is getting in to my business!!  I can count easily how much I have ordered from Amazon since Christmas -mainly books!  I COULD go shopping at a store and spend a lot more!)  End of discussion but he was harsh with me with everything he said on the way to the restaurant.   We had a good time with our friends, but it was quiet on the way back home and the rest of the evening.

So this morning I am praying about it and telling God my feelings about it.  You know what came to my mind?

Money is the root of all evil.   Yep - I Timothy 6:10 to be exact - "For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, for which some have strayed from the faith in their greediness, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows."

Of course it isn't greediness that he is displaying.... but I wonder if he is 'justifying' the fact he would spend $700 for a TV without discussing it with me (cause we HAVE to have a TV and my little one just won't be sufficient).  And that is just the figure he has in his mind.  He hasn't gone looking at TVs... he is just assuming he can get one for that amount.  But I believe he wants to go a little bigger than what we have now... and that's ok, I don't care - but he may pay more to get it.  This may be interesting as I have the impression he wants me to go with them to get it.  Like I even care what TV we get.  I would be in no hurry to replace it if it was me.    

So that is where I am at this morning.  I don't care if he gets a new TV.  I don't care that he takes the money and pays for it.   But to justify telling me to pay a $30 bill at the restaurant because he is spending $700 of OUR money for a TV just amuses me.  His priorities are all out of whack.  We get a new TV, he spends most days from 3PM until we go to bed with the TV on.  Yes, we will occasionally put a movie in, but not that often.  I give up.  It's not worth fighting over.

Not having money causes a lot of problems, for sure.  Been there, done that.  When he refused to get a job years ago because we were struggling so, I threw the checkbook at him.  Since then he has refused to give it back because he has the freedom to buy whatever he wants and he doesn't have to 'clear' it through me.   Biggest mistake I have ever made.  Since we have moved and paid off several bills, money isn't so tight.  I'm happy to have breathing room in our finances.  But I don't get uptight about it on who pays for a dinner out.  He eats out a lot more than I do.

It will be interesting how the day goes.  We will have this discussion at some point.  Need to clear the air.  And yes, if he can bring up Amazon which I pay for, can I not bring up how often he goes out to eat (currently 3 times a week with his friends)?  Hmmmm but I don't like to do that.  I will remain silent on that, for I don't care he spends that time with his friends.  And I don't care he's buying a new TV.  Without discussing it with me.  It's not a big deal.

All this over a $30 dinner bill.   It wasn't worth it.

What do you do with your money?  Do you fight about who is going to pay what?  Are you spending money on things that you could do without?  Are you playing games with the money with each other?  Things to think about.  Is an argument worth a $30 dinner bill on who pays for it if you're spending $$ on something you want..... hmmmmm

Ok - so I've spilled it 'out there'..... I still plan to have a good day.  I DO need to go pick up that skein of yarn to finish off this afghan I'm making..... do I see shopping in my future?

Blessings!

A cup of coffee in hand.....

 Yep.  That's the title that came to me while I was holding my cup and pondering on a title for this post, this morning.  Some mornings coffee just tastes so good, doesn't it! Today is one of those.  No flavoring, just plain coffee.  Although I do enjoy flavored coffee on weekends when I can take my time and savor it.  Work days, it is just getting it down to get woke up.  Today may be one of those.   I was awake a couple times during the night, but did manage to go back to sleep - where I didn't want to get up this morning.

As hubby has come in here three times already this morning, one to bring my coffee to me, and twice to get into his closet, I am definitely awake.  By late morning, early afternoon, I will have the tea pot on and heating water for a cup of hot tea.  Usually a good cup of Tazo green tea, but sometimes I'll have Turmeric and Ginger tea.   I'm not much in to fruit teas, although many are, and that's fine.  Although I do enjoy a good peach tea at times.  Trying not to buy tea bags and use up what I have on hand - which is still a lot. 

I need to have another tea party some time - I've actually had a couple women who live around me say that if I do have a tea party, they'd like to be invited!  I forget how we got to that conversation.  Probably talking about my tea cups up on the shelf I asked for.  Maybe early summer I can actually have a couple.  That would really be fun - and with COVID and its restrictions, can limit it to 3-5 women (which could be boring) instead of the 12 I have had in the past.  Social distancing, you know.

We're having dinner tonight with one of the couples from a RV park that we go to - in fact, we will be there this Sunday as I will be speaking.   I like it that the RV parks are now doing 'live tapings' of the messages and people who used to come to the parks but didn't this year due to COVID can still be a part of the services.  One of the pastors that attend tapes, and posts it on his facebook page so I can easily get it.  I like it for the reason I can listen to it again and watch how I move and hear how I talk.  Sometimes that is good.  Anyway, we enjoy this couple and they asked if we'd have dinner with them.  Looking forward to it.

One more workday this week - today - and then the weekend.  Here we are already at the end of February and the year seems like it is flying by.  Looking back, I don't feel I've accomplished much except for work.  Yesterday was boring.... I had no meetings to attend; only one training session that was totally boring and I lost interest within the first 5 minutes, and I was asked to schedule only two meetings all day.  Of course right at the end of the day my one boss says she can't do this one meeting next week and I need to do this and that - so I start looking how to move the meetings around - and they aren't all hers to where it is easy to move.  I finally came up with a solution - move this one to here, move that one to there, shorten that one to 1/2 hour and move it..... cancel that one.... would that work?  I waited until 4:15PM and she hadn't responded so I just got off the computer.  Hopefully she has responded this morning and I can get it done before things get changed otherwise.  Right now, with working from home, the job has its moments of struggle.  I can't pop into her office and ask specifically if I can do this or that.  For now, I have to wait until she responds - and sometimes - she doesn't.  So I just do it.

I received an MVP card for a co-worker yesterday.  It gets also sent to the boss I report to, but this time it also got sent to the big boss.  I didn't know it until the big boss sent me a note that said 'awwww....nice'.  What is an MVP card?  It's a card we can do online (through the company) to tell a person we appreciate them.  It's called a Most Valuable Person card (MVP) .  I've gotten them before and appreciate receiving them.  This one was one of the nice ones where it specified something I did for someone and they really appreciated it.  What did I do?  I looked at another person's calendar and shared their availability for a meeting - when other admins who it had been sent to just reported back "I don't support them."  I mean, how hard is it to bring up the other person's calendar and look at it.  I can't always see what exactly the meetings are unless they have given me access to it.  But if it has a blue line over a certain hour, it shows they have either blocked that time or in a meeting.  No big deal.  I look for the spaces that don't have a blue line in it.  I did that for this person yesterday who was looking for available time for a long list of people - and we were down to that one person.  I looked it up; passed on the information.  End of story.  Got an MVP card that made me look good. :-)  Always can use those.

MVP.  Usually we relate that to Most Valuable Player in sports.  But at my office, it is for Most Valuable Person.  Sitting here thinking about it, who is the Most Valuable Person in your life?  And why?  Who completes you?  Who has made you who you are today?  Who is it that you would give up everything for?   Most of you will say your spouse, I'm sure.  I am who I am because of my spouse, I can agree to that.  He has changed me in ways I don't always appreciate.  But that's something else.

The Most Valuable Person in my life is Jesus Christ.  He is the Rock of which I stand.  He is my Firm Foundation.  When troubles come my way - and they definitely do! - He is the One to whom I run to - to help me understand and to seek His guidance and wisdom.  He is the only One who answers my prayers.  He may use other people to move the prayer request along, but it is He who gets the glory for it.  He loves me unconditionally and loves when I go to Him and asks Him to direct my path.

And He loves you unconditionally too.  When was the last time you thought about Jesus and how He has orchestrated your life - even though you intentionally try to leave Him out of it?  How would your life be changed - if you allowed Jesus to lead you through it?  Would there be peace in your household?  Would the demons be chased out?  Would your children be obedient and your spouse working with you rather than feeling like at times they are against you?  Yeah, we all go through those times.

You may laugh about my comment about demons, but the demons are real and they attack our homes in different ways.  Most often through our children, and through even our spouses.  Are you able to fight against them?  Have you told them to leave?  There are so many games out there that invite the demons in - do you know what they are?  You may laugh and say they are just games - but are they? Sometimes anointing their room and praying over it helps clear the room and you will see changes in that child.  Want to see your child(ren) changed and have peace in your household?  Anoint the doors and windows of their room.  Any oil can be used; it isn't the oil making the change.  Anoint the room and pray over your children, that what has come upon them will be removed - in the Name of Jesus.  Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and His authority over all things.

My heart is heavy over some of my grandchildren and how their lives currently are.  All I can do is pray for them - and that I do.  My heart is heavy over some of my children too.  And yes, I pray over them too.  And I know that some day, God will answer my prayers for them and will bring peace to them and to their homes.  My heart will have rest.

In the meantime, I may just have another cup of coffee.....

Enjoy your day!

Today is going to be an AWESOME day!

 Why do I say that?  Because I am choosing for it to be.  Do I have anything planned - other than work? No, I don't.  I will work all day, just as I always have during the week.  I'm not planning anything tonight either.  So why is it going to be an awesome day?  As I said in my second comment - Because I am choosing for it to be.

Did you know that you can change the way your day goes just by changing your attitude about it?]

Ok - something just happened that has made me chuckle.  See how I am conditioned to think this morning?  I know my middle child reads my blog - I think he is the only one of family who does, if there is anyone else.  My phone just dinged that I was getting a message.  Because I am a little later than usual in getting this blog done, I thought that it was this son asking me if I was going to get my blog done.  Not that he would do that, but that was the thought that came into my mind.  He knows that I generally do it nearly every day, and it is some entertainment for him, I'm sure.

But it wasn't him.  It was my big brother who is sending me several messages this morning, in fact.  My phone has gone off several times, but after seeing it was him, I haven't read them yet.  Why?  Because if I do, he and I will get into a deep discussion on what he is sharing and I will get distracted from completing this blog.  Yes, I want to read what he has written and shared.  I am interested in what he is saying.  But because I know I won't get this done if I start reading, it can wait a few minutes.

How many times do we let life and others distract us from what we really want to do?

Now that is a question that even I ponder.  Unfortunately, I can't remember anymore what my dreams were.  There will be few people who can understand that comment.  I'm sure I had dreams at one time.

What about you?  Do you still remember your dreams?  What did you want to do with your life?  Are you in any way trying to at least work towards that goal?  Have you let 'life' interfere with where you had been drawn to dream about?

I sit here, and slowly some things are coming to mind that I wanted to do sometime in my life.  But do I have the hope that I can sometime do those things.... not right now. But that's another topic for another time....

So what do you want to do with your life?  If money was no object, what would you do?  Would you finally write that book you have dreamed about in your heart to do?  Would you think of things to create that fulfill your desires of making something yours?  What could you do if you applied yourself to it?

I often say that I can't do anything as long as I have to work - and hubby won't let me retire.  Yes, that often angers me - but it hurts me more than anything else.  Yes, we couldn't do a lot of things.  But I'm willing to give it up and make do.  And I could.  I grew up with having everything I NEEDED, but not necessarily with what I wanted.  I get that.  I don't need a lot of things.  I honestly believe I could get by with a lot less.  But it is nice to have more, I must admit.

But this isn't about me.  What about you?  If you could do anything that you wanted to do, what would that be?

Would you start the day off by saying it is going to be an awesome day?  That can always change an attitude, you know.  Look to the good of the day, look at what can come from this day - even if troubles come or things upset you - This is the day the Lord has made.  Rejoice and be glad in it.

Choose to be happy.  Choose to be humble.  Choose to forgive.  Choose to love.  Choose to build up.  Choose to ..... fill in the blank.

For me, I choose to love the Lord my God with all of my heart, my soul, my mind, and my strength.  And to love my neighbor as myself.  That is the greatest commandment.  Who is your neighbor?  Everyone.  Not just those you 'like'.

Lord, I choose You.  Help me to love the difficult people in my life with Your love.  Help me to be kind and loving to everyone, especially to those that irritate or upset me.  Work Your love within me, and help me to be the person You created me to be.  Help me to love You more, Lord, that with all of me, I belong to You.  I have no life without You.  I may fill it with other 'things', but that is all they are and they do not bring fulfillment to my life.  Only You can do that, Lord.  Help me to relinquish the things I enjoy and the things I hold before You, and lay down at Your feet.  Work in me, Lord, and make me wholly Thine.  I love You, Lord.  Thank You for the closed doors.  Thank You for the open doors. Lead me in the way I shall walk, Lord.  I am Yours.

Have an awesome day!

What is God whispering to you?

 This morning, as I was waking up and getting my body moving to come into my quiet time, the words of a song came to my mind.  "Awake my soul and sing, sing His Praise aloud, sing His Praise aloud.  Ohhhh, awake my souland sing, Sing His Praise aloud, sing His praise aloud...."   So what did I do?  Instead of letting the words resonate within my head, I started singing the words!  I felt that God was wanting me to start praising Him, even before I got into my quiet time!  Before I got into my quiet space!

There have been other times that I distinctly heard God speak to me.  It's like the words are hanging in the air, and I hear Him.  Sometimes, in my valleys, all I hear is Him speak my name.  That's it.  And I am comforted and overwhelmed that He knows my name, and lets me know that He is there.

Compare it to when one of our children are going through a rough time.  Sometimes they just want to be gathered into your arms and held, and their name spoken lovingly over them.  We all have that desire to be held, to be loved, to have our name said over us.

Yesterday I went a little crazy..... usually it is with yarn, but I wasn't at the yarn store.  In fact, I was at home, sitting in front of the computer.  One of the authors I really like is Bob Sorge.  He wrote The Secrets of the Secret Place, a devotional that helped shape my life.  For some reason, I wanted to read one of his books, so I pulled one I had on my bookcase, In His Face to look at.  Then for some reason, I had the desire to bring up his website and see what else he had written.  Oh my!  He has written several books since I had looked, the most recent is called The Cross.   Yes, I downloaded it to my Kindle to read.  I also looked over some of the other books he had written - and ended up downloading a few more to my Kindle.  Well, all I can say is I have plenty of books to read right now!  

And I'm trying to read more now.  Trying to not focus on just knitting or crocheting every night, but listening and reading my books.  I've gotten away from that.  I've always loved reading and learning.  As long as it is something I want to learn. :-)

Something happened yesterday to me that has caused us to be perplexed as to what to do.  Hubby hasn't said much, but it is weighing on my mind.  We love Sheeba, you know that.  I've talked about her and her escapades often.  How she broke my toe.  How I can't walk her anymore.  Well, yesterday confirmed it again for sure.

I had taken Sheeba outside to do her business on a long leash.  I do the long leash so that she can run in circles and get a bit of exercise.  She did her business and I was letting her run some more - when a woman came into view walking her dog.

Hubby had come outside with me - which he normally does not do, but we have had two coyotes running and playing in our back court area the past couple days, and they had been out of sight only a few minutes.  Sheeba goes crazy when she sees them so we won't take her out until they are out of sight.  Hubby was standing on the back patio and we were talking as I let Sheeba run.  Then she saw the dog.

What happened next is almost a blur.  She took off after the dog in a mad dash - literally dragging me with her.  The rope burned through my hands and flew off my wrist where I had wrapped it around.  Across the neighbor's yard she flew - with me being dragged behind her, trying to pull her back and not succeeding.  I let go of the leash and fell to the ground.  I told the lady that Sheeba wouldn't hurt her, she just wanted to play.  And Sheeba had stopped when she got to the lady and the dog.  She didn't growl or anything, she just wanted to smell and play.  

Sheeba let the lady get ahold of her collar and she held her until I could sit up and get it.  It was very calm, the entire situation.  Tom got there by then and he took Sheeba from me and got her back to the house.  The lady continued on her walk, I managed to get up off the ground and get back to the house.   I was not hurt, but am sore a little bit as I took a hard fall.  

I definitely cannot hold on to Sheeba anymore.  She is way too strong for me.  And I feel she is nearly too strong for hubby.  He held her collar and leash to keep her close to him to get her back in the house.  Hubby told me later that I could not take her out anymore, that he would have to.  I argued the point; it was only because she saw the dog that she took off.  Other than that, she should be ok.  Hmmm it just came to mind the time she saw a plastic bag in the neighbor's yard when I took her out and she took off for it - and I couldn't hold her back from that either.  I guess it is any distraction will cause her to take off.

I don't know what to do.  Sheeba is a good dog, but she is very strong and big.  I cannot control her on my own.  Even with the shock collar I have found that she will yelp and turn her head, then keep on running.  I would love to find her a good home with a yard that is fenced in to run.  I would give her up to give her freedom to run.  She also, I think, needs a companion dog to run with.  We cannot add another dog.   So we have a problem and don't know what to do about it.  I can't put her in a shelter.  It's not her fault she is too strong for us.  She will be two in another week or so.... if you know of someone local who would want her and be good to her, please let me know.

I talked with my son-in-law about the situation last night.  He and my daughter were concerned that I could have been seriously hurt.  He is going to get a pole and bring over to put in the ground securely so that we can hook the leash onto it when we take her out.  She can run as far as the leash is, and it will pull her back.  She can do her business and we can take the leash back and bring back into the house.  I'm hoping something like that will work until we can find out what to do.  It may solve the problem, but when it rains, I can guarantee you it won't.  She does not like the rain and will just stand there and not do anything.  We can't put a fence up - HOA rules.  

The interesting part is that when she is in the fenced front courtyard, she pretty much minds.  We don't have her on a leash there, she is able to walk around, and usually lays down before the gate and watches the world outside.  She sees other dogs being walked by and may stand up and watch them, and get excited, but she doesn't attempt to get out.

If you can come up with any suggestions, I am open to hearing them!  Like I said, she is a good dog, but just too big and too strong for us 'old folks' who don't have a back yard for her to run in.  Like it or not, hubby is going to have to take her to the dog park more frequently for her to run for exercise.

I have a treat for myself planned this afternoon.  Yes, I'm taking off work for this.  For Valentine's Day, hubby gave me a gift certificate to get a manicure and a pedicure.  It's been almost a year since I've had my nails done and they certainly need it!  I love going to this place as they treat me well and do an excellent job on my nails.  I always get the same person.  I am so ready to be pampered a bit!  I could probably use a massage too, but may wait and schedule that next week.  Or check the schedule and see if the person I use is available this weekend.  

Here I am thinking about this weekend - and it's only Wednesday.  Hump Day.  The middle of the week. It's going to be a good day.

Blessings!

Breathing Life Into Your Dreams.....

 How is that for a title?   I have rearranged it somewhat, but am taking it from the devotional I read this morning.  It is too good not to pass on.

Have you ever stopped to think that God longs to give you the desires of your heart?  He wants you to share your dreams with Him, and he wants you to dream extravagantly.  He loves our dreams to come to pass.  So do we!  

I'm not so much talking about 'dreams' as in while you are asleep, but what do you DREAM about?  Do you dream about that perfect job in which you will star in?  Do you dream about that perfect home that will be big enough to raise a family in?  Do you dream about a car that will always turn on when you put the key in the ignition (or now, push the button)?  Do you dream about a perfect marriage, one that has mutual respect for each other - and for their respective families?  Do you dream about perfect children that will get homework done on time and make good grades?  Do you dream about perfect health, where you and your loved ones can freely and easily move about?  Do you dream about finances that will always be what you want them to be?  Do you dream............. go ahead, fill in the blank.  What is a dream you carry in your heart?

I've had several dreams over the years, still have some dreams.  Some have come to pass, others have not. I've probably prayed for most, and just continued to dream about others.  What are some of the desires of my heart?  Healings for friends and family.  A good marriage.  Relationships within my family among siblings, and among my children, that they would be healed.  Forgiveness given before it is asked for.  There are many other dreams, but you get the jest of what I have dreamed.

One dream I've always had but cannot come to pass now is my grandchildren always coming over.  I love each of my grandchildren so much; I just love hanging out with them.  I used to say my grandchildren keep me young.  And they did, when they were younger.  I'm not laying blame anywhere.... I didn't ask for them as much as I wanted to.  Circumstances were not always right to do that request.  That has always grieved my heart all these years.  I just hope they all know how much I love them.  A lady at church once said that my legacy was my grandchildren and my love for them.  I remember the Wednesdays when I would take my vehicle and pick up all the grandchildren that could go, and take them to Wednesday night church.  We'd have a meal together and then they would go to their classes.  Yes, it was sometimes difficult for me to pick them up, and even more difficult at times to pay for all their meals for money was tight.  But I would do without so that I could just be with my grandchildren.  Oh how I love them!  They are such a joy to me.  Now that they are older, some married, some moved away, some working, some just doing their own thing - it is much harder to get even one of them.  I need to make more of an effort.  I need to do it for my dream.

Our dreams aren't always just handed to us.  We have to make the effort to make some of those dreams come true.  Dreams of a good marriage means that both parties need to work together to make it work.  Dreams of good grades in school means there must be some studying done.  Dreams of good relationships means you sometimes have to overlook offenses at times and hold on to the relationship versus who is right.  Dreams of being with my grandchildren means I must pick up the phone and call them; listen to them, invite them.  Dreams of retirement are what I have now and that grieves my heart for a number of reasons.  But in God's timing, that dream will come true as well.  If I wasn't working, I wouldn't have any money, which means I'd have to stay home more, which means I couldn't buy more yarn.  See - there is a reason why I have to still work.   Ok, just making light of that painful dream.

You may feel like your dream will never come to fruition, and you have been waiting so long for that dream to come to pass.   Don't give up on your dream.  Each dream must be nurtured and allowed to grow, much like a baby in the womb.  Use this time to grow within yourself.  Look at the man or woman you have become.  How are you doing with that?  Is that a block to your dream?  How can you birth your dream?  Do you need to research?  Do you need to find that 'thing' needed?  

Do you need to give that dream to God and ask Him to fulfill it for you?  Cover your dreams in prayer.  Be a good steward of your dream and determine what is needed to bring it to pass.  God will give you wisdom to fulfil the dream - if you will ask Him.  He will release provision for that dream.  If a door shuts, praise God for the door that will open.  He is the Resurrection and the Life - the explosive reawakening of every dead dream.

Psalm 37:4-5 (TPT) - Make God the upmost delight and pleasure of your life, and He will provide what you desire the most.  Give God the right to direct your life, and as you trust Him along the way you'll find that He pulled it off perfectly!

Take a few minutes right now and think about the dreams that you have.  Which ones have you given up on?  God is waiting for you to give that dead dream to him.  The one you think there is no hope in.  When you do that, watch what God will do.

Blessings!

Awake way too early today!

 We went to bed around 8:30-9PM last night - same as usual, and I fell asleep fairly quickly, same as usual.  But what is not unusual is that I was awake before 1AM.  I tell myself 'no, go back to sleep'.  And I tried to.   I lay there trying to go back to sleep and am unable to do so.  So I start praying for my boys.  God used to wake me up frequently during the night for both of them, to pray for them.  So, I'm praying they are safe.  2AM, 2:15AM, 2:45AM, finally I decided that I may as well get up.  So here it is around 3AM and I am up and on my computer.  

I don't usually start this blog until about 5:30AM, after I do my quiet time, but I'm still trying to wake up so thought I would do it first.  If something grabs me during my quiet time, I may even write again.  Will see.  Maybe I can even grab a nap in here before work time.

Yesterday was very semi-productive in that I DID clean out the bookcase, no, I STRAIGHTENED up the bookcase in this back room.  It does look better, but Oh My Goodness.  The journals that I have in this case were dated 1995 - 1999.  That should provide some interesting reading when I get started adding them to the computer versus all this paper.  So if a full shelf is full of those books, can you imagine how many journals I have?  Yeah, way too many.  I definitely need to go through these and put on computer, and throwing the papers away.

I haven't figured out yet why I woke up so early today.  I often wake up around 1PM, but am usually able to turn over and go back to sleep, but not today.  Things that make you go hmmmm.

Yesterday was also a lazy day.  Other than working on the bookcases, I really didn't do much of anything this entire weekend except crochet.  Ran out of this one color yesterday so will need to make a run to Michaels and tell myself I only need one more skein of this Cherry Red and one more skein of the black I am using with it.  I think that will finish that afghan, and if I stay focused, and not get started on another one - well, I did go ahead and start on another one but found I did have a skein of another color for another afghan that I hadn't finished and thought I was out of that yarn color - so I worked on it last night.  If I stay focused, I can finish it sometime this week.

Our big TV decided to play games last night.  I guess it started the night before, but I don't usually pay any attention to it and hubby didn't mention it - surprising in itself.  His main entertainment seems to be going out - don't know what else could be happening.  It will be working just fine, then the screen goes black for a second or two, then the movie, then black, then the movie for a few minutes, then black.  We put in a video last night hoping it may have been what he was watching - but no, it continued to do the black out so we just turned it off.  I know he will be wanting a new TV.  Will see if we can find a TV repairman to come in and look at it - it's only 7 years old so shouldn't be going out yet - should it?  Of course he has watched it a lot.  Just saying.  I googled it and it said something about taking the back cover off and looking for a specific wire and making sure it was still connected.... naw, that is beyond my skill level.

In the years past God used to wake me frequently to pray for my boys, or for other people or things, but it has been a while since I have felt that God was waking me to pray.  Not that it is a bad thing, but sometimes He wakes us up - even non-Christians - in the early morning hours because He wants our attention.  Wouldn't it be great if when people were awakened in the early morning hours and cannot go back to sleep, they just say 'Yes, Lord?' and wait for Him to put a thought in their head as to why He woke them?  What if it was to give you time to pick up your Bible - you know, the one you stuck on a shelf and it has dust on it?  Yeah, that one.  Pick it up, open it, and turn to Matthew.  You have to go through the generations first of the beginning to Jesus, but get past that and you will find yourself caught up in Matthew's story about Jesus.  We used to tell people to start with John, because it is the book about how much God loves us.  We've also told people to start with Mark, cause I think his is more detailed.  But you know what, I think you should start with Matthew and continue on through Mark, Luke, and John.  Read the Gospels.  Think about the Gospels.  See Jesus come alive in each one.

In fact, I'm re-reading Matthew again now, and starting to work my way again through the New Testament.  I don't try to get through the Bible in a year - that put too much guilt on me when I know I'm not going to make it.  Some days I can only find time a for a couple chapters, other times I can read several.  So I just start reading and I don't know how many times I have read all the way through the Bible, but I read it until I come to the end.  You can't just read the New Testament and think you know all of it.  You also have to read the Old Testament to see where they came from.  Both the Old and New Testaments are full of God and how He works in and through His people.

And God is still working through His people.  He works through people now.  He doesn't force Himself upon you, but waits patiently for you to talk with Him.  I truly love my mornings alone with God.  Just me and Him.  He's seen me buried in tears in intercession for my boys, my daughter.  He's seem me happy and full of joy.  He has seen me so angry and bitter.  And you know what?  No matter how I come to Him, He is always waiting and is always listening for me.  

He is always waiting and listening for you, too.  Many of you ignore Him because you think you have to give up your lifestyle if you chose Jesus.  That's between you and Jesus.  It's never too late to get right with Jesus.  You will find your life so much happier with Him.  Why not start this morning?  Pick up your Bible and start reading.  Just a few chapters a day.  

The first time I started reading the Bible, I remember sitting up in bed one night and reading in Philippians or Ephesians - and I was so excited to see what Paul was going to do next!  I wanted to put the Bible on my head and cram all that information into my head so that I would know Jesus more.  I can't image life without Him.  I spent a portion of my life without Him, and I can guarantee you, life WITH Jesus is a lot more fun.

Try it.  Can I challenge you?  If you don't know where your Bible is, or don't have one, go to Bible Gateway.com and bring up Matthew 1.  Depending on the translation you want - if you want easy reading, the New Living Translation is great.  If you want every day language - the NIV is for you.  If you want to read the flow of the words and understand it's meaning more, go to the NKJV.  If you really want to dig deep - and read what your parents and grandparents were raised on - go to the KJV.    Or read them all and compare.  I do that often.  Sometimes I don't quite understand what is being said, so will go to another translation and it's like 'OH!  That's what that meant!'

Give Jesus a chance to show you how much He loves you.  He does, you know.  More than you know.

Blessings!

A Good Day to be Alive!

 Actually, EVERY day is a good day to be alive, but I was trying to think of a catchy title.  Why is it that I feel I need to come up with a title before I write anything..... and then most times they don't even match up?  So what do most people do - write their blog or article and then figure out a title?  I think I've always done this.  I want to label it, then fill it.  Just like I am doing now.

After a wonderful breakfast with my son yesterday I came home in a great mood.  I felt energetic (too much coffee?) and ready to do something.  Made the decision out of the two chores I wanted to accomplish yesterday what I would get done.  Actually, I had hopes of getting both done.  Succeeded with one.  I wanted to rearrange my yarn case that is in the "craft room" for lack of a better word.  Why do I call it the 'craft room'?  Because that little room contains my sewing machine, a desk, a bookcase full of yarn, and another rack full of yarn.  But it's really just a 'holder'.  I haven't used my sewing machine yet - although I have material laid out and ready to go.  I don't sit in there to do my crochet or knitting.  It just holds it.

I did get the yarn case straightened out and it looks much better.  The other rack I didn't do much - actually, very little, with.  And I did not touch the case here in the back room that is full of my journals, papers, nor the pile of yarn I have 'hidden' on the floor because I've bought so much lately.  No, I'm not really 'hiding' them.  I just have no place to put them.  And yes, I do have plans for that yarn.  My hope is to make several afghans this year and give away.  I've found out favorite colors of some people and I have bought some of that yarn so that I don't lose the momentum of creating these things.   It takes me a week or more with every evening crocheting to get one done so the yarn will sit for awhile.  I'm on the second one - and each one takes 4-6 skeins of yarn, depending on what I'm using.  I have enough yarn on the floor in here for about 3 more afghans.  This is why I try to stay away from Michaels, Hobby Lobby, and JoAnn Fabrics.  Oh, I forgot, I have yarn behind my chair too.  Well, it was on sale.

I did not get out in the garage to work on emptying boxes, which is another 'chore' I want to get done within the next few weeks.  I know there are some things in there that I need to put away and have missed at some point, but made do without.  I still have a couple boxes of photo albums.  I have a big box of sewing 'stuff' that I have no idea of where I will put.  And I have a lot of things I know that will find their way into a Goodwill or Savers bag, just because I don't really need them, but didn't want to let them go just in case I might need them sometime.  I'm getting better at it, but still hold on to some things.  

But I AM getting better at letting go.  I just get so tired of the clutter around the house and it is distracting and disturbing to me at times.  And it is my stuff.  Hubby would just take it and get rid of it as it has no meaning or purpose to him.  But he doesn't dare.  He rarely complains about it, but will occasionally make a comment or two (hence the extra yarn laying on the floor beside the bed away from the door view).  I am feeling somewhat today that I will work on the case in this room and straighten up my journals where I can move the yarn there and off the floor.  Even just a little a day can make a big difference in a week, a month.  

You know, there are just some rooms that each of us have in our homes that we just 'throw' things in, and clutter it up.  We keep the door shut so that others don't see it.  For some, it may be just a closet.  I laugh at my little sister at times..... her house may look immaculate, but don't you dare open a closet for everything will fall out!  She has moved enough times within the past ten years that she has eliminated a lot of things so she may be better at letting go now.  But in the past, I would be told upon visiting 'don't open this closet door'.  LOL

I'm sure as you are reading this you are either looking about the room you are currently sitting in, and wondering if it is clutter and can you get rid of it.  Or you are thinking about other rooms in your house that you know needs to be de-cluttered so that you will feel contented and relaxed in it.

Have you ever thought about the things that clutter your mind, your heart?  When Jesus says 'come to Me', do you run through your mind and your heart and shut doors so that He doesn't see the clutter in there?  What about the door of disarray?  The door of hatred?  The door of discontent?  The door of Anger? The door of relationships? The door of resistance? The door of ???  You can fill in that blank.  What are the doors you shut when Jesus wants to visit you?

What would happen if you opened those doors and allowed Jesus to go in and clean them out?  Joy would come to you.  Burdens would fall off.  Your health would return.  People would want to be around you.  Your children would see the change, as would your spouse and friends.  In your mind you are probably saying 'I don't want to change!'  That's what many of us do.  We think we are find just the way we are.  You can't just say 'That's just the way I am.  I've always been that way and I will always be that way."  That's pride in what you have become, in who you are made yourself to be.

Today IS a good day to be alive.  I choose to be alive in Christ, than dead to Him.  Often I pray and ask Jesus to come into my mind, and into my heart, and help me forgive someone who has wounded me.  When I do that, He opens that door and cleans it out.  I may not forget how I felt, but I no longer harbor hurt feelings, but instead, forgiveness.  Some people are so very hard to forgive.  They tear families apart, they hurt relationships.  But we are called to open that door of unforgiveness, and allow Jesus to clean it out and place forgiveness there, complete and in order.  It doesn't mean we have to be buddy buddy or close friends.  But we need to be kind and respectful.

Why?  Because Jesus loves us so much He is willing to take all OUR sins and let them be nailed to His cross.  He suffered and died for each of us.  Even the person we hold that grudge, that anger, against.  He died for you, and He died for me.

Why not take a minute now and sit back and close your eyes.  Ask Jesus to come into your mind and help you sort out some of those closed doors.  He can clean some of those out, if you will let Him.  It's your choice.  He never forces open a door.  You want to open it to Him.  

Can you say these words out loud?  "Come, Lord Jesus.  Clean out the rooms in my mind and in my heart.  I open every door to You.  Even the ugly, filthy rooms, I open up to You, for I know that only You can clean them out.  Thank You, Jesus, that You love me so much that You are willing to do the 'dirty' work for me.  My joy is in You, Jesus.  I love You."

Blessings!

I'm late.... but it is well worth it!

 I'm starting this later than usual - even for a Saturday, as I have gotten used to writing this blog right after I finish up my quiet time. But today, as I was praying and thinking about what to write about today, my phone 'dings'.  I check and it is my middle child who texts 'Sorry to disturb your quiet time...But I'm guessing you are awake?"    I responded "yes, what's up?"  "Hungry?"  'Can be."  "That's not a yes/no answer.  Call me."  So I called my son.

What a delightful and good surprise - he asked me out for breakfast this morning!   We made plans on where to meet at and I stopped to change from jammies into clothes and comb my hair - I even partially put make-up on!   I let hubby know what I was going to do as he was doing his quiet time.  I headed towards the restaurant to meet up with my son, arriving about 1 minute before he did.  

I had a great nearly two hours (yes, we stayed that long!) eating breakfast and listening to my son and catching up on his life.  I was (and am still) full of coffee too by the time we left.  Of course they are small cups so it seems like I drank more than usual, but the coffee wasn't bad.  Hah - the son did complain he had to use half & half instead of caramel creamer.  I like my coffee black; if I use creamer, it's just for a special treat, and not often.

He even let me pray for our meal.  Of course he didn't pay much attention, but God knows all and my heart was full of thanking him for this time I have with my son.

I really enjoyed our time together and catching up on family.  Especially now that the children are grown and 'gone' in that the three oldest of his children are out on their own, I see them even less.  Even when we lived just a few miles from them, I rarely saw any of them, except at church.  When we left that church, seeing them even became less.

It is interesting that as we were walking out, I can't remember exactly what was said, but my son said something about 'we are both alive'.... and the reality hit me once again that we never know from one day to the next if something will happen to either of us.   And the reality is, we just don't know.  I think I've mentioned before that I have asked God to let me live to 100 - so that I can see great great grandchildren grow up.... but only if I remain healthy.  I do not ever want to become dependent upon anyone to take care of me.  Prideful?  No, I don't think so.  I just don't want to be a burden for anyone.

But even with asking God for that, I don't know if He will give that to me.  This may be the last breakfast I ever have with this son.  If so, I am blessed.  If God allows me more time on this earth, I am still blessed just to get to spend time with this son, and with my other children.  I may not have been the mother I wish I had been, but I hope they all realize how much I have always loved them, and love them now.  Nothing they can do will ever change my love for them.

That's just like God, do you think?  Nothing (I) we can ever do can separate us from the love of God.  He is always waiting for us to seek Him, to ask Him what we desire, and wait upon Him.  Oh, how I love Him!  God is so good to me.  He takes all my mistakes and all my burdens, and all my pain and sorrow, and brings good from them.

Oh - before I forget, I have a confession.  I think a few posts back I mentioned something about fasting during Lent.  Now it isn't our church thing to fast during Lent.  We haven't always done it.  We just finished up our 21 day fast in January - which we completed.  But this time, this year, it's different.  I just am not 'feeling' it.  I made a list of things I would fast, and I was fasting from them, but as I was reading my Bible yesterday this nagging question kept coming back.... why was I fasting?  I wasn't burdened with something I wanted to fast for (at this moment).  I discussed it with hubby and he said he was feeling the same way, but was following my lead.  So I told him last night that I was going to stop the fast.  We were doing it on our own, it was just because it is 'that time of year'.  We weren't 'called' to fast.  So why are we fasting.....

A lot of times I may do a fast just to seek God more.  No other reason than I want more of Him.  And I still want more of Jesus.   This morning as I started my quiet time, the nagging about the decision to quit or continue my fast was still there.  I have decided that instead of fasting food, as I usually do, I will instead fast my time and spend more time with God each day, other than my quiet time.  Starting yesterday, in fact.  That includes reading a Christian book or watching a Christian movie.  Anything that will turn my thoughts to Him.  Some days that will be easy, some days that may feel hard because I will need to be focused.  And that is what I want to be.

I finished typing up the sermon I plan to speak about on February 28th at the RV park we go to.  I found it interesting that I'm speaking on I Peter 2:21 (go to Bible Gateway.com and look it up), and following in Jesus' footsteps, and Luke 9:23 has been prominent (and is in my message as well) in the videos we watched last night, as well as in my devotional this morning and even now here.  You can look that one up too- but I'll make it easy - I think I posted it in yesterday's post.

This is really weighing on me and I think about it often.  How is my life following in Jesus' steps?  It's like the little boy talking to his father... "watch where you are walking, dad, because I'm following in your footsteps."  Am I following in Jesus' footsteps?  Do my feet step in His footprints?  

What about you?  Are you watching where your footprints are being placed?   Are you an encouragement to your spouse, your children?  Do you build them up or tear them down?  Once the words are in the 'bubble', they can't be removed.  Perhaps an 'I'm sorry I said that' may cause them to fade some, but the after effects remain forever.  Watch your words.  Are you creating footprints that you would want your child to follow you in?

Many times we as parents fail in teaching our children the way to walk.  The way to live life.  Stop and think about it - how do you want your children to remember you when you breathe your last?   I want to live my life in such a way that each one of my children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren will know without a doubt how loved they are by me.  I want them to be grateful for the time we got to spend together.  I want them to know I am in heaven with Jesus.  And I want them to know that I will be waiting for them to join me when God calls each one Home.

My prayer and my hope for you is that you will evaluate where you are in your walk.  Are you living your own life your way.... or are you allowing Christ to lead you?  It's life-changing, not only for you, but for your family.  It doesn't mean you have to stop doing all the fun stuff you like to do.  Loving Jesus and wanting to please Him will gradually mean more to you than things.  No one should tell you that to be a Christian you have to 'not go there' or 'don't do that'.  That's not their job.  You make that decision, that call.  Choose Jesus.

Just a delightful conversation with my son this morning and you get all this!   I prayed on the way to the restaurant that I would listen more, and talk less.  And I'm glad I did.  For I did listen more.  And I love my son for being free to share his life with me.  It was a very special breakfast and much enjoyed.

And he even paid for it.  Thanks again, son.

Blessings!

Are you a fan..... or a follower?

 I know I have written about this years ago, but last night we sat down and watched 3 of the sessions from the not a fan series that was created by Kyle Idleman.  If you have never read the book, and are interested in where you stand as a Christian, I encourage you to read it.  The book is not a fan   (yes, in all small font).  Do you really think you are a Christian and will go to heaven?  

We all know that we won't go to heaven based on our 'good works'.  So what if we help others.  So do non-Christians.  We are kind to others.  So are non-Christians.  We go to church.  Yes, some non-Christians go as well.  We tithe, and yes, some non-Christians do that too.   I don't drink, I don't cuss, I am good to my family and friends and every one thinks highly of me and think that I am so wonderful.  And there are non-Christians who do that and think that too.  Some non-Christians even read their Bibles and pray 'sometimes'.

But we aren't talking about me, nor are we talking about anyone else.  Are YOU a Christ-follower, or are YOU just a fan?

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself, take up his cross daily and follow me."   (Luke 9:23)

What does that verse speak to you?  "We say to Jesus, 'I don't mind you making some changes in my life,' but Jesus wants to turn your life upside down.  We say, "I don't mind a little touch-up work' but Jesus wants complete renovation.  We're thinking tune-up.  He's thinking overhaul.  We think a little decorating, why not, but Jesus wants a complete remodel." ~~Kyle, NAF study.

I know I fail in many areas in my Christian walk - and you know I do too as I post it on here.  But I also know that when I confess it, and turn from my sin, God's grace covers me.

Can you humble yourself enough to look within and see what you are really like on the inside?   What does Jesus see when He looks at you?

If you should die today, do you know that you will be with Jesus?  Eternal damnation in Hell is an awful thing to even think about, let alone know that is where you are going just because you want to do things your way.  A sharp tongue and critical spirit doesn't get you anywhere but ready for Hell.  

Are you (and I) living the way Christ desires His disciples to live?  I know I fail, and I am constantly asking for His guidance and direction and forgiveness.  I desire nothing more but to deny myself the things I put before God and let them go and make Jesus and put Him first in my life.

But life is hard, isn't it?  Some of us have spouses that their attitudes and critical and sometimes hateful words against others grieve us, but we  feel we can do nothing about it.  So we shut up.  We withdraw.  Sometimes we don't dare speak up and call them to be Christ-like.  Who are we to determine who they are in Christ?

But that is what we are to do.  How do they know that they are not Christ-like in their words if we don't tell them?  The more they do this, the deeper they go in their words and attitudes.  People withdraw from them and don't want to be around them - IF they see that side of them.  Usually those people are good at holding in their words until they are with those they feel 'safe' won't call them out.  Will let them say those hateful and cruel and opinionated words.

And I have to admit, usually I am one of those people who will keep quiet rather than call out someone who is not being Christ-like, yet calls themselves a Christian.  I know about others who say they are Christians and yet, how they view and speak about others shows they are not Christ-followers.  People that I have always held in high esteem, fail me.

We are to speak up and address these issues.  As I watched these videos last night, I grappled with my own views and concepts of others - and of myself.  The sessions start out with a man having a heart attack..... the sessions continue looking back on this man's life.  Who he was ... and who he ended up being.  What will people say about you at your funeral?

I had to call out hubby this morning.  To some of you this is no surprise, if you know him.  Or if you don't, I have often written too much of my personal life and my own frustrations and issues, so you could guess.

He has his Bible study this morning and this group is currently down to two men.  One has said he doesn't really care for the book that they are going through so he doesn't come often.  I am assuming he text'd hubby and said he wouldn't be there this morning and hubby comes into my room (as I'm typing this so you know where my mind is) and starts in about this guy not coming - again.  He starts ranting (yes, that is the right word) about how he should just quit if he doesn't like the book because he doesn't come all the time and so it's just the two guys....and on and on.  

I stopped him and asked if he was judging this man.  He said yes he was, BUT..... so I asked another question.  Would Jesus have this type of attitude towards this man just because he doesn't want to come all the time?  Well, probably not, BUT.....  Finally I just said, perhaps this man isn't interested in the book, but he needs the socialization of being with you two men who do attend.  It isn't about the study, it's about friendship, it's about just spending time together.

Like I know it is with my son when he goes to the bar to meet up with his friend.  He cares for this friend, and this friend cares for him.  They don't want to do a study.  They don't want to discuss anything in particular.  They just want to meet up and have a drink together.

We all need people in our lives that accept us just the way we are - whether we agree with them, their lifestyles, or how they come across.  And they need us.  It's sometimes harder in families because we know each one more intimately since we grew up with each other.  We beat up on each other, we abused each other by words or by tickling or by fists.  We say we were 'just kids'.  But what we did to each other has carried over into adulthood.  The anger is still there, buried underneath, in some cases.  We resent, or are jealous, how the other sibling survives.  So it's easy to criticize their attitudes and how they live - each one against the other.  Spouses don't help at times either.

I choose to forgive my childhood, what I do remember of it.  I forgive the abuse I received from my siblings, from my stepfather.  I choose to forgive because I choose not to live there.  What they do now in their lives is their choice.  It doesn't mean I forget.  I just choose to forgive them.  Again and again.

Jesus says we are to forgive 70x7.  Some people are harder to forgive than others.  I'm glad that Jesus doesn't look at us and hold our sins against us.  He forgives us, when we ask Him.  He can change our hearts, our attitudes, and our actions.  But we have to choose to ask Him, we have to choose to change.

I choose Jesus.  It doesn't mean I will never fail again.  I choose to be a Christ-follower, not a fan of Christ.

Who do you choose to be a follower of?  Man... who fails..... or Jesus Christ?

It's Thursday!

 Whew.  I think I'm actually glad it IS Thursday for yesterday was a really, really, busy day.  And all the work wasn't coming from my bosses, but from people in companies we partner with.  They all wanted meetings with my bosses, and trying to find time on calendars to scheduled those meetings - well, they not only take time to find, but to coordinate in most cases more than one calendar, is sometimes next to impossible.  Especially when they unexpectedly decide to take time off work - and neglect to let you know they are taking it off.  Sigh.  

I discover it when I am looking for time on their calendar.  Then I confirm with them they are truly taking that time off and aren't just blocking it while they are thinking about it.  Nope, they are taking that week off .... which means now I need to move all their meetings from that week to another time, and let the people know in the big meetings they won't be there.... which means those meetings may - or may not - get moved if this boss is critical. 

That was the majority of my work yesterday.  I was exhausted and at exactly 4PM I closed up my laptop because I.Was.Done.  So very tired mentally. 

 And then I had to fix dinner, and I'm grateful to Schwans for they came yesterday and I bought a meal already complete so all I had to do was bake it, and I made a small salad to go with it.  By 8PM I was ready to go to bed.  I think I did stay up a little later, but I was tired.  And I was still tired when I woke up this morning, wanting to go back to sleep, but spending my time with God overruled me going back to sleep.  And that is always a good thing.

My one very busy boss is taking time off today, tomorrow, and Monday so I'm hoping I can get caught up on a few things.  I desperately need (still) to find those videos to watch about the timecards.  They have done so many updates on our computers and the HR program, I haven't been able to find them.  Will look for the emails today and see if I can't watch them and see what I am today.  Timecards need to be approved on Monday and although she hadn't said, she is off on Monday and I will need to try to do them.  Plus the fact that she is retiring in June and I will need to do them once she is gone.  My other (favorite) boss always does her own - and approves mine too without me even looking at it.  Which is another reason I am having trouble finding them - I don't even do my own timecard.  Yes, I'm spoiled there too.  

Today will be a busy day at work with the need to catch up on everything I didn't get done yesterday, and watching these videos.  But that's ok.  It makes the day go by faster when I am getting things accomplished.  Some days I get the urge to do some cleaning here so in between meetings or scheduling, I find myself grabbing a dust cloth or broom or something to do some cleaning.  It keeps me connected to reality and the need to keep the house clean.  Unfortunately, I don't have any control over the dog hair.  It is everywhere and it seems I am always picking up quite a bit nearly every day.  Just can't get hubby to brush her even weekly.  He's too busy.  I guess if I have a little time while he is gone (he will get mad if I take over 'his' job) I will grab the brush and take Sheeba outside for awhile and brush her.  Every time I mention it he goes 'no, I haven't brushed her but I will......." and it doesn't happen as a rule.  

I am starting to see MY clutter pile up in the form of yarn and other projects I am working on.  I need to this weekend straighten up things and get it put away before it gets out of hand.  God doesn't like clutter and disorganization.  And even though I try to ignore it, when it is right in front of me, it drives me crazy.  Since I have had to let go of so many things with this move, I am seemingly always finding things that I haven't used in a long, long time and and letting them go.  It gets easier.

My biggest pile of clutter right now in this room is three shelves that are full of my journals and notebooks that I have written in years ago.  I don't want to trash them just yet; I want to type them up by date and get in the computer.  Then I can destroy them.  Of course if my computer crashes, then I lose them all, but ....   What I need to do is at least stack them up neatly and not just thrown on the shelf.  That would help with the clutter look.  Yeah, that might be what I get done this weekend.  I know I have more boxes in the garage with journals in them.  

I don't write in my journals anymore.  Haven't for awhile.  Instead of typing nonsense, perhaps I need to think about it again.  Wonder if I have a clean journal to start with..... 

I apologize for my ramblings this morning.... I think I'm still tired somewhat from yesterday's work.  I know I still have meetings to schedule and things to do.  Want to get off here early so I can shower and wash my hair before time to start work.  Washing my hair takes more time now that it is long.  I love my long hair.  I may be too old to wear it long, but I am always reminded of my grandmothers. Granny Snipes and Grandma Rigsby always had very long hair and every morning they would wind it up into a bun at the back of their heads.  At night they would let it down.  I remember Grandma Rigsby would braid her hair at night.  I don't know what Granny did at night with her hair.  Me, I let it down but have to make a low ponytail.  During the day it's in a bun or ponytail as a rule.  Hubby don't like my hair long and frequently lets me know it.  So then I struggle.  Do I 'obey' his wishes and cut it off as I did for many years..... in spite of my wanting it long.... or do I wear my hair - my crown of glory as the Bible says.... the length I want it.  No one can believe the grief I get about wearing my hair down. Oh well.  Side thought.

I need to get moving and get things done before work - which reminds me always, God is always at work around us.  We just need to open our eyes to see WHERE He is working, and then join Him there.  In that place, we will find our joy and peace.   I don't understand why I have to keep working..... but I believe that God has kept me in this place so that He can bless us.  For the first time in over 38 years, I am not crying and praying over our finances.  God has blessed us with this job.  He has blessed us with this house we are now in.  He has blessed us with good health.  He makes all things good.  

In HIS Time.

Blessings!

And it isn't over yet... and yet.... today is a new beginning....

 My continuing saga on my tooth/teeth..... I don't know if the root canal was done yesterday or not.  I mean, I did go to my appointment, he did numb my jawline and he worked on the tooth, but I'm not sure what he did.  Seems like the abscess isn't so much in the jawline as it is in the tooth itself, under the filling I have had for years.  So he got the old filling out and dug in to where the abscess is, and worked on cleaning it out.  A short time later he was finished with me for the day.  He had put a temporary filling over the gaping hole he had created and gave me a prescription for penicillin to clear up the abscess.  I am to go back in a couple weeks for him to finish whatever it is he is to do.  I'm going to believe he has done the root canal and just wants to make sure the abscess is gone before I get a crown, but I don't know.  I didn't ask, and he didn't say.  So my tooth is much shorter than the others with a temporary crown on it.  The girl at the front desk said as for eating, I may just want to have a shake.  To which I responded, 'I hate it when I am told to drink a shake for a meal.'  It's a joke - who DOESN'T want to be told to eat/drink anything with ice cream in it?  

But, when I stopped at the grocery store pharmacy to pick up my penicillin, I smelled fresh fried chicken, and I quickly weighed in my mind if I could eat it.  After determining that I would make the effort, I made my way over to the fried chicken and got enough for dinner.  Oh Yum.  Yes, I did manage to eat two legs and two wings!  I was hungry!  Eating legs is from the child within me, eating the wings always reminds me of my mother, as she always ate the wings of a chicken.  Probably because none of the rest of us wanted such a small piece of meat.

Today is Wednesday and my fast day.  And, it is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent.  I have gotten to where I fast the 40 days leading up to Palm Sunday.  Sometimes I have carried it on over to Easter.   Hubby decided what he was going to 'give up' for Lent.  That is between him and God.  I will need to get him to write it down for me so that I don't cause him to fail by fixing something.  I have not committed nor verbalized what I will fast for Lent.  I had started on Wednesdays not eating at all, or at least skipping two meals so that hubby and I could eat together for dinner, because he does not feel led to give up food all day.  And that's fine.  

I usually like going to my BBCD because it's easy to remember.  It does get difficult to follow at times, I must admit.  But I think I will do it again.  Beef; Bread; Chocolate; Desserts.  Now chocolate and desserts are NOT the same thing.  Yes, you can have chocolate for dessert, but dessert does not have to be chocolate.  But they can also be both.   It's not the ease of following 'rules' of fasting; it's the giving up of things I enjoy so that I can spend that time with God, or be reminded of His faithfulness and His sacrifice for me.

Did you realize that today was Ash Wednesday?  Did you even think about 'if' you wanted to give up something for God, what would it be?  If you wanted to clearly hear from God (or even if you fight that part and don't think you care), what is that one thing you would be willing to give up?  Could it be sodas?  Some people thrive on those.  Could it be chocolate or candy? (yes, they are two different things - chocolate is in a class all by itself)  Could it be the bowl of ice cream you have before you head to bed?  Could it be that cup of coffee that you drink first thing in the morning to wake you up?   Just for fun, do you think you could do this journey with me, and just give up one thing from today until Palm Sunday?  You don't have to tell anyone, it's between you and God.  Could you give up one thing?

During this time of preparation for Palm Sunday and Easter (which Palm Sunday is the last Sunday in March; Easter is the first Sunday in April this year), I find myself digging deeper into my mind and into my soul to surrender things I hold on to.  I have a lot of hurts that I have held inside, and I always feel so much better when I take those hurts, those tears I've shed, and laid them down.  I take my fears and my anger and my frustrations at things that are beyond my control, and lay them down.  I lay down my health, our finances, our home, our children and grandchildren, and great grandchildren.  Every thing that God has given me, given us, I lay it down at His feet.  I surrender it.  If it comes to mind, I let it go.  Until you do that, you will never know freedom.  You will never understand His love for you until you give Him back all that He has given you.  All that you have been blessed with.

I have such a long way to go to be the woman for God that I want to be.  I allow words to hurt, actions to crush, and attitudes to destroy me.  I am a Child of God, and today, I put on His armor of love and compassion.  Today I lay all the things that bind me, and give to Him.  Jesus, please help me to take my hands off, to open them up and allow You to take on all my sins, all my guilt, all the things that I have put before You.  If I keep anger, I am sinning against You.  If I keep my attitude that is not pleasing to You, I am sinning against You.  If I do not show love, forgiveness, and compassion, I do not belong to You.  No matter what the enemy tells me, Your Word says otherwise.

Help me in my weakness, Lord, to forgive those who hurt me.  Help me always to show Your love, even when I don't feel it.  I ask You to bless those who have hurt me, Lord.  Show them Your favor, and I pray that their hearts will turn to You.

I pray for miracles during this time of prayer and fasting, Lord.  Surprise me for what You will do.  I am choosing not to ask for anything that I haven't already asked for.  But I am asking that You surprise me with what You will work in me, and work in those I love so dearly.

Bless those that bless us, Lord, and help them as they honor You.  For those that don't know You, Lord, I pray that they will develop a deep abiding relationship with You during this time.  Interfere in their lives.   Stir them up that they will want more than what they have.  Stir them up, that that will want the greatest gift of all - You.  Thank You, Lord, for Your faithfulness, Your love, Your compassion for each of us.  

I love you, Lord.  I am so grateful for Your grace that covers all of my sins.  I do not deserve Your forgiveness at all, but You choose to give it.  Thank you.

What are you willing to give up for Jesus?  Just for 40 days. Will you take my challenge, my asking, and on your own, do it?  Just to prove you can.  Jesus love you, and I do too.

Blessings!

You'd never guess....

Yesterday, as I began my work day, I remembered I hadn't taken my gummy vitamin.  No biggie.  I got up and popped it into my mouth.  One chomp and I felt something hard.  I pulled it out - and a crowned tooth from the LEFT side was disconnected itself from the rest of my mouth - the entire tooth!  I can see where the tooth was/is inside of the crown.  This tooth has not caused me any pain, nor any problems.  I had a root canal in it years ago, and a crown put on.  Which is probably why I didn't feel anything.  

But my tooth on the RIGHT side (almost the same identical tooth!) is still aching and I lived on ibuprofen all weekend because of it.  I was debating on calling the dentist when the other tooth decided to break off - so now I had to call the dentist as it left some of the filling/backing of the tooth and it is sharp and cutting my tongue.  

They managed to work me in around 3:20PM so I worked until around 2:30PM and headed over that way.  Oh my.  They can't fix the tooth that fell out (duh) and since it broke off at the gum line, it's either an implant or leave it alone.  One thing that does need to be done - not a rush - is the root taken out.  I was shown where the root of my other teeth are twice as long as this one.  So - this 'root' will have to be 'rooted' at some point.  I am not getting an implant put in.  I'm too cheap and it's not necessary at this point anyway.

As for the tooth that has been hurting me all weekend, it has an abscess and I have an appointment at 3PM today to go to an endodontist to have a root canal done - and then probably another appointment with my dentist to have a $$ crown put on.    But - on the bright side, it is better than the physical pain.

So there are two sides to my story.  Just like in most cases, there are two sides and usually someone is caught in the painful middle.  Until you hear both sides of the story, it is wrong to form an opinion.  We just don't know all the facts.

My story is that I thought I may have gotten something in the gum line to irritate that tooth.  It may have a small infection, but couldn't ibuprofen, which generally stopped the pain, take care of that?  Until the tooth on the left fell out - literally - I would have harbored my pain and made comments about it and just wallowed in it.

My tooth came falling out and I was caught in the middle of my problem.  What to do.  The left side didn't hurt at all.   I didn't know what had happened, I didn't know if I did anything or not if that would change anything.  I just have a gaping hole on the left side where the tooth was.  I wasn't sure I wanted to know the truth of what happened.

But, the right side was still hurting, and I may as well find out the cause of the hurt.  I may as well find the cause of the the increased blood pressure, the increased pain.  So I made the phone call to find out.  I went to the appointment.  I let them tell me things I didn't want to hear, and yet, needed to so that I could form my own opinion and decide what to do.  I let the dentist's office tell me their side of the story on what happened to my tooth, and what is expected of the remaining tooth and what I need to do to get it taken care of.  Now I know. I found out all the information.  I let them explain to me what they saw, and what needed to be done, and what I needed to do.  I asked my questions, and they answered them.  I form my own opinion on what I need to do.

I'm going to leave the gaping hole on the left alone for the time being.  I will go to the endodontist to get the root canal done today for the tooth on the right.  I will schedule an appointment with the dentist within the next week or so to go in and get the crown completed.   I received the information I needed to make my decision, and I've made it.

So you see, looking at it from both sides, there are two stories to it.  Mine, and what I wanted to believe, and theirs - and the reality of what was going on.

There are positives and negatives to every side.  Fires started that were quenched by God's grace and covering.  One may never acknowledge how good God is - until they know the entire story.  Even in the Bible there are two sides to most stories.  Either the Israelites believed their own stories, or they believed God.  When they listened to God's story, things were good.  When they chose their own story, things weren't so good.

Thank You, God, that I chose to find out the truth about my teeth.  I wasn't going to, You knew that.  I was stalling calling the dentist because, well, what is pain that can be quenched by ibuprofen.  But You made sure I called that dentist by causing my tooth to fall out.  Yep.  I put it on You, God.  And I say thank You, cause now I know the entire story.  If the abscessed continued, it could have eventually killed me if I continued not to take care of it.  It would have festered and grown.  You were watching out for me.  Thank You for loving me enough that You let me find out what was really going on.  Not my opinion, but truth. You are awesome, Lord.  Thank You for watching over me.

And some day I hope you find that He watches over you as well.  Things that cause pain can be revealed, but unless we choose to hear, we live in the darkness of our own opinions.  

Blessings!

It was a lazy, restful, day.....

 We stayed home yesterday.  Valentine's Day.  We didn't go out, in fact, we didn't even leave the house all day.  It isn't so much that that is unusual, because we often do not leave the house.  But yesterday seemed to be an exceptionally lazy day.

Hubby brought in a very nice card and a gift certificate to get a manicure and pedicure for my Valentine's gift.  It is definitely something that I will use.  In fact, I will call today to schedule an appointment one evening this week.  We watched Jentezen Franklin's message - which was a powerful one about love and praying for your family.  He shared the story of Honi, the Circle Maker.  It is in the Jewish Book of Legends and I have read the story - a true story - many, many times.  In fact, ironically, I just finished - again - the devotional Draw the Circle by Mark Batterson, which was created after The Circle Maker book he wrote that I have written about numerous times.

In between his message and watching our church online, (we opted out of sitting out in the chilly morning air at church to watch online) I fixed breakfast for us = bacon, eggs, toast, oatmeal.  After the second service I settled on the couch and hubby settled in his chair.  He watched whatever on TV and I ended up watching two movies on my Kindle.  Seen both before, like them, and just watched them again - as I worked on an afghan for a Christmas gift.  Hubby sat in his chair, and me on the couch, and that's what we did until about 6PM when I finally got up to decide about dinner..... only the frozen dinner that I had planned to fix.... I didn't realize that it would cook for an hour.... so asked hubby if he wanted to eat at 7PM or eat pizza.  Pizza won and it was ready in 20 minutes.  It was a nice, quiet, lazy day.  I was productive in that I did get a lot accomplished on the afghan, but I sure didn't get much movement of the body.

Which, even through I popped ibuprofen all day for my aching tooth, caused me not to be able to sleep last night.  I hadn't moved my body enough to make it tired.  So I laid awake and 'rewatched' the movies in my - my favorite parts, of course.   So here it is morning and I'm yawning and trying to stay awake.

So how was your valentine's day?  Did you do anything fun and interesting?  

Today is Monday and of course it is 'back to work'.  I will call my dentist and get something scheduled for the pain just isn't going away without the help of ibuprofen.  Still don't have a clue of what is causing the pain.

I was reading in my devotional this morning about Caleb.  You remember Caleb in the Old Testament, don't you?  Read Joshua 14 and it will tell some about him.  At 85 years old he was ready to claim the land Moses had promised him.  He was ready to fight the battles necessary to take over what was given to him.

How ready are we to take on a new task?  How ready are we to learn something new?  I must admit I don't want to learn anything new.  You have probably figured that out with my references to I must take these courses for work, I need to learn timecards (nope, still haven't done it - I haven't figured out where they are yet), I need to learn all these new things I'm being forced to learn (One Drive, New Note, Teams breakouts, etc.).  I don't want to learn them.....and the more I procrastinate, the harder it is going to get my mind around it.  They show way more stuff than I need to know.... I need someone to just show me what I need to do, nothing more.  But, alas, I need to learn these things.  I.just.don't.want.to.

So here I am at nearly 72 years of age.... coming to the end of my life.... and I don't want to learn new things.  Maybe I need to work on my attitude.  Perhaps I need to start looking at each new day as an opportunity to keep my mind active.  It is hard though, when one lives within 4 walls 24/x7.  You who work from home understand this.  I can't just walk away and go somewhere M-F because I need to be at my desk.  But I reckon I can apply myself more.  I need to learn more to keep the mind active.  I need an attitude adjustment to be eager to learn new things.  

I'm great with reading my Bible, a book, a new devotional.  I learn a lot and that is what I thrive on.  But this day to day work on office stuff... well, since I'm at home, just doesn't thrill me.  So I need to start today and change my attitude.  I need to look at this as more than 'just a job' but a chance to make a difference.  It's my job to make my bosses look good.  How can I do that if I don't learn things?  I've let my mind fall asleep in the learn to area.  I need to wake it up.  How about you?

Starting today.  Let's do it!

One darn tooth!

 Daggone it!  Yesterday morning, without warning, one of my teeth started hurting.  What in the world brought that on, I have no idea.  I took two ibuprofen and it seemed to help.  Aching again last night I took a couple more so that I would sleep.  Or did I?  I don't remember now.  But I woke up during the night with the throbbing of this tooth.  Took two ibuprofen this morning and it has abated the pain for now. I can't see anything wrong with it, but I have thought a couple times of finding the pliers and pulling it!

Have you ever felt that way?  Something is so painful, and it is so focused on one area, that all you want to do it grab a pair of pliers and remove the pain.  A splinter, a toothache, not a headache because most times it isn't focused in one area, it is one big pain...... a stubbed toe, perhaps?  A broken finger?  Something hurts and you just want to remove it and make it go away.

Life is like that sometimes, you think?  We seem to go along pretty well and things seem pretty smooth.  Family is getting along just fine.  Spouse is behaving themselves (I'm talking male or female here!!!) and we aren't fighting, money is in the bank, bills are paid, everyone is healthy, and then...... bam!  Something hits and it is painful.

It could be a word spoken in anger by someone close to you.  It could be something that is said about you that you know is true and that it is found out, or something someone believes is true and yet you know it isn't but how do you tell them that?  Things your children may do that hurts your heart.  Words or actions from a grandchild whom you love with all your heart.  Sometimes referred to as 'little things'..... but they can crush your spirit and your heart.  It changes things.

My little sister shared a story recently of an episode with a child who has called her 'mamaw' all his life (I think he is 9 now).  Now my little sister took responsibility of his mother, our great niece, many years ago when her mother didn't want her. Her grandmother couldn't take her because she lived in a 55+ community and made her leave....and she was pregnant.  So my little sister took her in, as she has always done since she was a baby.  She always bought all the school clothes, paid for school expenses, had it whenever she could - therefore, considered this girl basically 'hers'.  This great-niece rejects her mother and grandmother and her children (now has three after a marriage and a divorce) and these children have never met, and in most cases not even heard of, having anyone other than my little sister (mamaw) and her husband (papaw) as their grandparents.

I'm getting to where I'm going..... just explaining some background.  Before Christmas the oldest (9) began asking questions.... after all, his mother called my little sister 'aunt'..... my sister explained it part-way.  So.... getting to my point of something painful that crushes your heart, my little sister tried to correct this 9 year old about something - and twice now has yelled at her 'You aren't my grandmother, you lied to me, and I don't have to do what you say!"  Wow.  The first time she handled it fairly well.  She tried to explain that what he said was true, and if he wanted to call her 'aunt nita' like his mother, he could do that.  But he was angry at her, and said a few more things.  Time passed from that first encounter but a few weeks ago it happened again... and she popped him in his mouth.  That startled him for she had never done that!  

But his words crushed her.  Not that he didn't want to call her mamaw, but because she really isn't.  But his mother refuses to have anything to do with her grandmother so my sister tried to be a 'stand-in'.  Ironically, she and I discussed this many years ago and I told her then not to do it.  In fact, we got into a 'heavy disagreement' about it.  She didn't see anything wrong with it because our niece refused to acknowledge her grandmother and her mother lives in a cult in Texas.  Why couldn't he call her mamaw.  We didn't speak for awhile.  Now the truth has come out and he knows... and ever so often will rebel and scream something at her.  But he still wants to call her mamaw because that is what he has done all his life.  She has confused him, because it is a lie.  What happens when the 4 and 2 year olds find out she is not their grandmother?

I guess what I am getting at.... is that the pain of her own feelings of rejection were so painful, it was breaking her heart.   She acknowledged the truth to him, but she felt rejection from him.  And that rejection broke her heart.  Last night we were talking and she mentioned that it is like he shut the door on her love for him.  His mother had called and said that he wanted to come spend the night with them (which means that he was having problems at home and wanted to get away).  My sister just said, she didn't care, and he could come over if he wanted.  After all, she is still laying down a lot due to her broken T12 and rib and is in a lot of pain.

All these words just to say this....  what do we do - or say - that hurts others so intently that they step back away from us?  Not physically, but heart-fully.  Words change things.  I've had things said to me from people whom I have loved so deeply - that part of me dies.  I step away and let them live their lives and just bring them before God in prayer.  But that part that died?  It never comes back to life.  It feels rejected and cut off.  A piece of my heart was sliced off because the pain was so great.  They will never know how much they have hurt me.  They are forgiven, of course, even though they don't ask for it.  But the heart never grows back.

Not to compare myself to Him, but Jesus hurts too when we reject Him.  Things we do, and things we say, reject Jesus.  When we know what is right and good and we choose not to do it, we reject Jesus.  When the words that come out of our mouths does not reflect His goodness and His faithfulness, we reject Jesus.  When we don't talk to our children and grandchildren about Jesus, we reject Him.  We love our children and grandchildren, but when they don't know about Jesus, they, too, will reject Him by what you show them.

And I imagine Jesus' heart is broken at our rejection of Him, just like our hearts get broken.  Only Jesus can bring healing to our hearts and restore the years the locusts (pain) have taken away from us.  Does it take one dying ,or one moving far away, to bring emotion to one's heart to know what we didn't do.....  Jesus did die for us.  And He still forgives us and offers us grace and mercy.  Even though we don't deserve it.

Today is Valentine's Day.  The 'day of love' so they say.  Most of us remember our spouses, and sometimes even our children on this day.  We want them to know they are loved.  We all want to know we are loved.  And Jesus does too.

Why not start over today?  Why not make amends today?  Why not forgive and forget and love today?  Start with Jesus.  All you have to say is...

Jesus, I'm sorry I have rejected You.  Please forgive me.  I believe You are the Christ, the Son of God.  I believe You died for me, and that You rose again and are now in heaven with our Heavenly Father.  I ask for Your forgiveness, and Your help to live my life for You.  I know I will make mistakes, and I ask that You help me overcome those things I do that do not please You.  Show me who You want me to be, Lord.  I want You to be Lord of my life, and not these things I do.  Thank You, Jesus, for loving me.  Amen.

Happy Valentine's Day.