Life sometimes isn't fair....

I received an email this morning from Benefits. Seems I am over 65 and I have an HSA account - which according to new IRS regulations, I cannot have. Now mind you that because I took the high deductible insurance (because I am healthy, praise God) I pay a minimal amount but I have to pay for just about everything (including this last procedure). The HSA was handy in that some money was directed each payroll into that account for medical expenses. I have used it over the past several years, different companies. But now, the realization that I am over 65 AND am eligible for Medicare (which I only have A because it is mandated to sign up at age 65) causes me not to qualify for this benefit. So I am now told my deductions will stop. AND the additional benefit of having monies put in my account by my company also goes away. They gave me $750 earlier this year, and I was to get another $750 in July. Now they are taking back the $750 and I don't get any more. I can not change my medical insurance - I still have to keep the high deductible and pay for everything - but next year I can change my insurance and take on an HRA which means I can have money put in it, AND get the benefit of company monies put in it as well. I'm about ready to just sign up for Medicare B and just not take any insurance with the company. It really threw me for a loop this morning.

And yet, it is really no big deal. It was like a savings account that my money was diverted to in order to pay medical bills. We paid my husband's medical expenses as well as my own if the money was there. Now they are closing my HSA account, no more deductions, and they are taking the money that is there to reimburse themselves for what I have already been given. The plus side is that they say they won't make me pay back what I have already spent of the $750. Since I have only about $300 in the account right now, it's a good thing. But, also unfortunately, I have an automatic deduction taken out on the 3rd of each month which probably won't come out. Which means I'll get a phone call and have to pay myself. I think I need to re-evaluate some of the things I take advantage of that is covered under medical. At least this year. It wasn't a big deal if it came out of that account, but to take it out of my personal account, well, I don't need it that bad. I need to process it all.

But that was a very, not really stressful, but concerning morning. I almost feel punished because I'm old. And I don't even feel old.

So now I want to quit work. Which can't happen. Not yet, anyway. I don't have that luxury and yes, I resent it. I know, get over myself. It really doesn't seem fair. But Life Sometimes Isn't Fair.........

I've been sitting here this afternoon trying to think of something that I can do that I would enjoy doing, and where it would pay enough to pay the bills with. I've read stories of retired people sailing for the rest of their days.... but I'm not a good friend of boats - even cruise ships. Yes, I'm afraid. The one trip I went on was nice, and memorable, but I really don't want to do it again. I just want to live life again. To be happy again.

I must figure something out. I enjoy my current job, and love the people I work with, and my boss knows I want to leave in 6 1/2 years (as is her plan). But I don't even want to wait that long. I'm feeling restless. I asked hubby to find us a hotel up north for a few days next month. I just need to get away. I would love to go somewhere by myself and just stay a few days - but that won't ever happen. He pushed to find a place, but I hear in his voice it is more for him than it is for me. It's just the way it is.

Well, guess I have rambled on enough. I'm still processing the first paragraph. It has made me very tired and weary. It's no big deal, and yet, I want to cry. I guess because as much as I try to make things run smoothly, sometimes it just won't.

One thing I do know. God is still in control, and He will provide all I need - and He alone knows when I need it most.

Blessings!

For those that wonder.... I survived.

Yes, I did survive. They had changed the prep stuff and although I nearly threw it up (literally!), I managed to keep it down and it did it's thing. I didn't eat anything Sunday nor Monday before the procedure. It cracked me up that hubby would go to the kitchen and stand and eat so that I didn't see him eating. I offered to cook something for him, but he refused. I'm sure he ate well.

We got to the endoscopy center around 2PM (I was to be there about 2:15) and it was a very short time that they called me back. Seems like the person ahead of me didn't follow all the "rules".... NO water/fluids after 12:15 (for me).... and she had drank some water only a hour before. So they were making her sit for awhile. So, they put me ahead of her and I think I was probably done and out the door by 3:30PM. It doesn't take long at all. I met all the nurses taking care of me, my doctor comes by and sees if I am ready, and then it's explained how I will go to sleep. They gave me a nose oxygen mask. Then she put a needle in a hand vein (which are very easy to see) to get the saline going. Then they put some lidocaine in to numb the area - and then the propful or whatever it is they gas you up with. Less than 20 seconds and I was out cold. They said it would be a REM sleep - but I'm pretty sure it was all the way because I could not wake up. When they tried to wake me up, hubby had my things and was waiting on me to stir. I managed to get awake enough to get dressed; the doctor came by and told me what he found (I can check results in about 5 days) and gave me my discharge papers. Then out the door we went - and headed straight for a restaurant where I got a salad, salmon, mashed potatoes and broccoli - and ate every bit of it. It was sooo good. I wasn't feeling hungry, but I ate it all. Yum.

And as we left the center, it got really weird. I started sneezing. 5 times before we pulled out of the parking spot. Then my left eye started watering. And I kept sneezing on the way to the restaurant. And at the restaurant. And all evening. Couldn't decide if I had an allergy to one of the drugs or what the deal was. I didn't sleep well last night, and was awake at 3AM but wasn't sneezing. It didn't start again until I got up and started moving around. Left eye watering, sneezing. Took an Allegra before I left work to help with the symptoms. It didn't at first, and when I got here at work, I continued to sneeze and left eye water - then all of a sudden - it quit. I'm also taking my olive leaf extract in case it is a cold. Right now I can feel my nose starting to get runny.... but I'm not sneezing and my eye isn't watering. Still not sure what it was/is, but I hope it goes away. Just having it annoys me, and wears me out as well. Those of you with allergies can understand what I'm saying. I usually do NOT have allergies, so to continuously sneeze and left eye watering, runny nose, it's kind of confusing - cold or allergies. I don't know. But I know that for right now, I'm just sleepy and wish I wasn't here.

Today I am back at work. Haven't had a lot to do - one boss is on PTO this week. My friend boss is in the office, but she has been busy. And she's going to be out of town Wednesday afternoon, Thursday and Friday. Maybe next week things will get back to normal.

Yesterday was a special grandson's 12th birthday. I remembered after he had gone to school. Meant to call him after, but with everything just didn't get it done. Need to get over to see him. I usually give him an option - go shopping with Grandma (and ice cream) or $20. He's 12 now. I wonder what his answer will be. I'll try to get him this Saturday for a couple hours. Will have to check the calendar - may have to do it on Sunday, depending on what's there. Just want to let him know I love and miss him.

Guess I need to get busy.... I do have some things to do... just don't want to do it. But, it does pay the bills. Hope you are having a great day.

Blessings!

Life goes on....

Did I actually say in my last post I didn't want to work anymore? Hmmm. I think it is still true. I honestly do not believe I can sit at home and do nothing. Oh, I do have books to read, quilts to make, sewing to do, cooking to create, and knitting to continue to learn.... and I do enjoy being able to do that. But, well, let's just leave it at that.

Decided I needed to add something to this blog as it has been a few days. I'm trying to get myself to write anything - even about nothing - to just keep focused on having this blog and adding something to it. Maybe someday I can get my life together where I can go back to my original purpose for writing this blog. To share stories, to share meaningful things and not just gibberish.

I just got off track. I lost myself. In my devastation of life I allowed myself to die. But like a seed that must die before it can live again, I have started to feel a deep, deep, yearning within me to write again. To live life again. to want to learn things, to do things. Some of my life will need to remain hidden until another time.... things out of my control... but some day, if God does allow me to live that long, I will perhaps do the things I cannot do presently. I cannot focus on what I cannot do, I need to focus on what I can. Unfortunately, I will have many missed opportunities. I hope they will not be held against me.

I am off work on Monday. Not by choice, by any means. I am scheduled for a colonoscopy. Seems that it has been six years since I had my first (and last) one. It was not fun, nor was it pleasant. Oh, the actual procedure is nothing. That part is a breeze. It is the preparation for the actual procedure that I detest. I am so dreading it. I had to start my food prep today - meaning I had to eliminate some things from my diet. Nothing red, of course. This goes on for three days.... I had my chicken soup (minus the carrots) plus creamy peanut butter and crackers for lunch today. Not sure what I'll do tomorrow. Or the next day. Sunday is NO FOOD. Just liquids. Same for Monday - and by around noon, I'm not even allowed a sip of water. My procedure is scheduled for 3PM. Needless to say, we will probably stop at Dennys on my way home.

That's what we usually do for hubby - I accuse him of liking the procedure cause he gets one about every 3 years. He denies it, of course. His mother died from colon cancer, I think, so he always gets anxious about it.

Anyway - starting Sunday evening I must drink that goop and then do my run marathon all evening. Then again on Monday morning. I can hardly wait.

Hope you are having a good day.

Blessings!

It's FRIDAY!!

This has really been a long week - maybe it is the weather, the traffic - whatever it is - I was on a "I don't want to work anymore" binge this week. But I don't have much choice, I have to work so I just suck it up and keep going. Today isn't so bad. Perhaps it has been I am having to learn new things and my brain is so full it doesn't want me to put any more in there. Maybe it is boredom cause I don't have that much work to do on most days. Whatever the reason, it has been a long week.

I did get to work early the other day and got the valentines put on everyone's desk. I refused to particpate in the games so took an early lunch. Not that I don't like games, but prefer things that doesn't take up my time - like sending out a crossword puzzle or word puzzle that they can complete and drop off in a box. I can always look at those later. My lunch time is MY time and unless I'm willing to give it up - I ain't gonna!

My hubby got me a beautiful music box and necklace for Valentine's day. The music box plays 'I can't stop loving you' and it has the words on the back of the heart necklace. Such a romantic! Beautiful though.

I've had some things to do this morning so I've felt pretty good at keeping busy. Just thought I'd take a few minutes to write on here before getting back at it. One boss is working from home - and the other one should be most any time. I never know with her. She did tell me she would be in the office today - but it's after 9AM and she hasn't shown up yet. She may be finishing up her morning meetings and will be in this afternoon. I don't know!

One boss wants me to create a sharepoint site and add some things to do. I know nothing about sharepoint - so have to find someone who can help me create the site and get it set up. This was one of the things yesterday that "I don't want to learn it!" mindsets. Still, for the time I'm here, I need to become an expert in it so that I can complete the task.

I'm wanting to take a couple days off work - but don't know when I can - or what we'd do. I'd like to go somewhere, but that also takes $$. Will have to think on it. Would love to fly somewhere for a couple days - will have to think on that too. SW flights are $49 one way right now to specific places. We COULD always go someplace new. But I'm not really a 'sight-see-er'. I just don't get into that. I'm content to just sit back with a good book and just 'be'.

The van is going in tomorrow for the oil change/tire rotation routine. Other than that - and church on Sunday at the RV park, I don't know that we have anything going on. Maybe I will go shopping. I still have a giftcard from Target. Not that I need anything - which is why I still have it from Christmas - but I can plan ahead and perhaps find a gift for someone on sale. That always works.

Ok - need to get back to work. Got my colonoscopy scheduled for 2/26. Definitely not looking forward to the preparation or the procedure for that! Oh - and I did find a new doctor! I called one and they weren't accepting new patients until August. I need a prescription refilled by end of March. And I am refusing to go back to my current doctor. So - I called another doctor and they have me scheduled for 3/29 @ 7:30AM! I told them I just need to get a prescription refilled - and I have the lab request already so can get it - and where I go, I can print the results out for myself and bring with me. After I see them, then they can request all the rest of my records. Then, if he can write the prescription for 90 days x 2 - I may get out of going back until the end of the year. YAY for me. Thank God I'm healthy.

Have a great day!

Blessings!

Having to find a new doctor

is such a real pain. I have had my "family doctor" for over 30 years - and he is planning to retire this year - or early next year. Then his son ticked me off so I refuse to go back to him even before he retires, so now am in the process of trying to find a new doctor. I've received several recommendations and have checked some of them out - but am really hoping to find one that takes my insurance - which is actually TWO insurances to get the maximum savings - as it says. Most only have one part of it so I have to pay about $160 per visit out of pocket. I have the high deductible insurance as I am healthy (thank you, God) and don't have much medical issues. Mainly getting my thyroid prescription refilled.

I did call one doctor near home that several people had recommended to me. Now mind you I don't need to go see them until around the first of April as I have enough pills to last until then. I also have my lab request so I can get it done before going for the visit so I will have current information for them - and all they have to do is see me, and write a new prescription. That doctor could not get a new patient in until August. Seriously. If he is that busy, he is too busy for me. He only took one of my insurances.

Doctor #2 was recommended by a dear doctor friend of mine that I have known for years. I checked his insurance just now and find that he takes both my insurances (out of the 3 names my doctor friend recommended, this one takes both) which is a good thing. I have called and left a voice mail so will see if I get a call back in the next day or so. He is internal medicine and nuclear cardiology. Hmmmm - hopefully will never need the cardiology, but that does run in our family - especially the male line.

If this doctor can't take me around the first of April, I will try another doctor - but again, he only takes one insurance which means I'd have to fork over $160 per visit - or thereabouts. I would like to avoid that.

I don't like having to find another doctor. Even though my current doctor hasn't taken my insurance in years, I have still gone to him because I didn't want to deal with the change. I only go for physicals and then to check in with lab work to get my prescription filled. I don't need anyone over the top.

So now I wait and see I get a phone call back. It's draining. I just want it over with. Since he takes both my insurance I would even go in now to fill out paperwork! But will have to wait and see. Definitely don't want to get my hopes up.

I need to come in to work really early tomorrow - lucky me - I get to pass out valentines and Hershey kisses to everyone - before they arrive of course. I get to put on their desks. The other two women that were to help - one doesn't work on Wednesdays in the office (works remote) and the other - well, she has a young child and can't take them to wherever any earlier than 7-8am.... so guess who that leaves. Oh well.

Except for days like to today when there were accidents everywhere (and bless Siri's heart, she directed me yet another way to get around the big accident on the 202.) I did get caught in the mess on the I-17 for about 40 minutes until I could break free. That was about 8 cars, I think. It took over an hour, but I did eventually get into the office. None the worse for wear.

And now it's time for me to go home - and I am so ready. It's been a day. Hope yours has gone well.

Blessings!

I want to do more...

Doing the same ole thing day after day.... going to work, coming home, going to sleep, going to work... except for weekends, of course.... I want to get involved. I want to do something. Yeah, starting to learn to knit is fun. In fact, it is addicting. I'm alternating between sewing on my quilts and knitting now. Yeah, still on the dishcloths - but I'm getting a little better. Don't understand all the terms - "cast on", "cast off", "pearl" (or is it purl?)... just show me what to do and how to do it! In fact, I was at the end of one last night and I needed to know how to "cast off" so I went to You-Tube - and found it! It isn't exactly the way I was shown on Saturday, but it worked! AND I learned how to start another one. I wanted to keep going on it, but I knew that I needed to quit and go to bed after about 3 rows. Hopefully at some point I will not only pick up speed, but knowledge as well. I still have a Santa Claus hanging I want to get finished before I start on some other things (sewing). Now I'm torn between knitting and sewing. I enjoy both.

But I still want to do more. My son has been talking about going back to school.... which made me think about it. But what would I take? I do want to learn sign language - just because. Well, my granddaughter and I have talked a lot about it because her mother is nearly deaf. At some point she is going to have to learn (if she doesn't invest in some good hearing aids). We've talked that if we learn now and start using it some, then when/if she does go deaf, we can still communicate. I think she said it was $1700 at Costco for hearing aids that would work for her. Wish I had it to give her. It's hard not being able to hear and then people make jokes about it. Now hubby - who he says the doctors say his hearing is fine - is turning the TV up louder and louder. I can't hardly stand it.... but if I say anything I get ...well... moving on.. Is now the time to take an ASL class. I really need something online since it becomes a battle when I am gone more than one night.

Right now Tuesday nights I meet up with one of my granddaughters - and sometimes her mother - and we meet somewhere for dinner. I need to tell them to bring their knitting tonight and we'll meet at Panera for soup and sit and knit for a little while. It's nice that we can do that there. Of course the only reason I'm allowed Tuesday nights is because hubby has a men's group at our house. It's either I sit in the back room for two hours or meet them for dinner. If I take another night it gets a bit more challenging ....

My two bosses are in Tucson yesterday and today. It's been pretty quiet - except the executive assistant in Tucson is trying to tell me what to do. I'm ignoring her. She needs to mind her stuff there and let me take care of things here. She knows I'm not responding to her for a reason. She sent an email stating she was going to send an email to everyone here and tell them to see me and another admin if they have problems with the audio/visual.... I told her no, she didn't need to send an email - they know they can come to us. She's just trying to make herself look good and in control. To me she doesn't have enough work to do that she has to control mine. I responded to her NOT to include our names if she was sending an email. Then she comes back (after a few more emails) that WE need to send the email from here. Not going to happen. I'm just ignoring her.

With that - I need to get busy - I DO have work to do!

Until another day...

Blessings!

and it's Groundhog day!

Time if flying by already this year. We are past one month and into month two. And yet, at the time, it didn't seem like it was passing by so fast.

Work has started picking up and I am more busy than I have been for awhile. That's a good thing, though. I much prefer to be busy than I do just sitting here trying to figure out what to do. Yes, I have things I need to do right now, but it is Friday afternoon, after 3PM, and I'm just not wanting to get started on anything. Besides, one of my bosses just left about 1/2 hour ago... and I COULD leave.... but my other boss is still here so guess I want. Nothing to leave early for.

Unless it was to take a granddaughter to the doctor! She actually YELLED at me (in capital letters) because she has been sick for a couple days, and said that when she woke up today she ached all over and was nauseous. So I told her to go to the doctor and get a flu test. With everyone dropping like flies with the flu - and I found out she did NOT get a flu shot because she didn't want to as it makes it sick when she gets one.... I was really pushing to get her to go. Even contacted her mother to go take her or I was going to! Then I get informed that her boyfriend (who recently passed his RN test) is watching over her and he will take her to the ER if she gets worse - and she was going on to her nanny job. I quit texting her because I am quite perturbed. And she just now texted that the employer was coming home and she was going home to rest. Enough said.

Current plan for the weekend is to go to a knitting group tomorrow morning. I'm still learning how to knit dish cloths - but that's ok. Once I get that down, I can "graduate" to something bigger. It's fun to do. I do enjoy my sewing quilts as well and have some ideas for Christmas this year. Won't be able to accomplish everything, but I have thoughts. Need to get started so that I can get some done.

I think I'm getting a headache. Stress. irritation. frustration. I wrote my current (and soon former) doctor this morning - they are billing me $160 from my well check-up - which is 100% covered by my insurance. I asked them why - and was told that I asked too many questions and it took a lot of time. I was furious when I read that. My well check-ups - which is the only reason I see the doctor - take only 20-30 minutes. The remaining 30 minutes is the doctor telling me his opinions on Obamacare, AHCCCS, Insurance Companies, Social Security, articles he has read, his opinion on medications from other countries, etc. etc. It's been a week or so since I got that letter in response to my request they resubmit with the correct billing codes to the insurance company. I have calmed down. So I wrote the letter. And put it in the office mail. A hour later I decided that maybe I should just pay it and move on - afterall, I am NOT going to go back to him but find a new doctor. I went to get my letter. The mail people came early today and the mail was gone. There is no way I can figure out where that letter is - there are 9 floors in this building, and I have no idea where the mail people are. So - maybe that was my sign to let it go. I told him thank you for making it easy for me NOT to see them again - and I appealed his charge of $160 based on it wasn't me using up the hour, it was him. Oh well. It's a done deal now!

Now to find a new doctor that takes my insurance!

Have a great weekend!

Blessings!