Who would have thought?

 We went to a Celebration of Life for a dear friend yesterday at church.  He was a greeter, and that very first Sunday we attended, he greeted us like we were old friends.  And every Sunday he was there, and we (I) looked forward to his greeting.  Little did we know that he was also battling cancer.  Long story short, he passed back in July and they now had his service.  We didn't know much about this guy other than he loved fishing.  He would tell me when he wouldn't be there cause he would be on vacation fishing.  I found out a lot more about him yesterday.  He had been a truck driver.  He came to accept Jesus as an adult, and he never looked back.  He was loving and kind to everyone. No one was a stranger when he was around. He loved Jesus and shared Him with others.  There was a lot more shared by his grandsons and wife, and even granddaughter.  The church was packed, which apparently surprised the wife as she seemed started when she stood up and turned around to thank everyone for coming.

But what got me... and you may laugh at me because it is so silly.... we visited a bit inside the church before we started making our way to the door.  They had food and tables set up, but we opted out and decided to leave. I am walking ahead of hubby, through the lobby, and I hear my name. I turned and there is a couple that we have known for years - from our former church days.  In fact, this is the 'Bill' that hubby used to meet for breakfast every week until he got Alzheimer and he became all weird.  He seemed fine yesterday.  Anyway - it was he and his wife.  She asked how we knew Stan (the man who passed) and I told her.  So I told her that was our church  and had met him there. She then let me know that she knew the wife BEFORE she had married Stan (2nd marriage; married 24 years).  (ok, are we pulling rank here? My year and a half versus her 24+ years?)  But what struck me after I left, is that both she and Bill had such dour looks on their faces, and I realized this morning, as I thought about it, they (not to be judging!!) are Christians..... but they forgot to tell their face!  I have never seen her smile.  I'm going to stop there, for I don't mean to judge, but the contrast from a happy Christian who loves Jesus to someone who speaks all the right words, and possibly even lives it, but to appear so unhappy?  What is up with that?  It wasn't over the death of our friend, that is the way they have always looked.  It puzzles me.  Most Christians I know are always smiling (at least around other people) .  I don't get it... and I hope I don't get THAT. Just an interesting observation.  And all hubby wanted to talk about with Bill is when can they get together for breakfast or lunch... sometimes I think going out to eat is all that man thinks about!

Hubby and I swung by Cracker Barrel on the way back cause I didn't want to do anything - not even cook Tovala.  That was a mistake.  Not only was the food slow in arriving, I got the vegetable plate of mashed potatoes and corn and two orders of fried okra.... hubby got the catfish dinner... for some reason, none of it 'hit the mark' for either of us. He said the catfish was mushy.  Interestingly, at 5:30p and the restaurant wasn't even half full.  Could it be from the cooking as it seemed to have gone downhill?  We both decided we wouldn't go back for awhile.  It was very close to the church so it was easy to slide into for a meal.

Today is Sunday and of course we will be going to church.  Now whether I will stop early enough that I can go fix breakfast for us remains to be seen.  It's only 7a so have a couple hours in here yet.  Yep - on Sundays I don't come out until around 9-ish.  My eggs ole is sounding really good right now so am thinking about that.... only make maybe half a batch rather than a full batch; don't know how much cheese I have.  Yeah, I'm getting hungry, a little, anyway. I could go get a protein drink or bar... may do that anyway. 

My big brother sometimes cracks me up.  Several months ago he and my SIL ran into a great niece that he had not seen in probably 30 years. She recognized the SIL and my brother, and my SIL recognized her, but my brother did not... which really isn't unexpected; I could probably pass her on the street and not know who she is as it has been many years since I saw her.  Anyway, the great niece asked my SIL if my brother had dementia because he couldn't figure out who she was.  So he plays on that dementia bit ever so often with me.  This morning he texts me (because I have found out our little sister also goes to that church) that if he ever saw her close enough to speak to her (now mind you, they have not spoken since 2012) he would ask her if she was MY older sister!  Then he said he could blame it on his dementia.  LOL   He and I can't figure out why she is so terrified of running into him.  He said he'd say hi if he saw her close enough.  Just isn't going out of his way to see her.  And vice versa.  This situation is one reason I struggle with going back for a visit.  And I'll leave that there.  I know what he says and I know what she says - and they are miles apart in the reasons they don't associate.  

I sometimes think about how much Christ has forgiven me.... how could I not forgive someone for less? 

Ephesians 4:32 (NIV):  Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Romans 12:19 (NIV): Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God' wrath, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord. 

But the 'self' within us WANTS to take revenge, doesn't it!  When we are hurt by words or actions, we want to spread malicious gossip, we want to 'do unto them as they did to us' and we want to just go beat them up badly.  Right?  Surely it isn't just me at times. Well, maybe not the beating up badly part, but I want to tell MY side of the story before THEY get a chance to tell theirs.  Right? Please tell me I am not alone!  Sometimes I have to shut my mouth and tell myself to let God take care of whatever happened.  And you know what?  When I take my hands off the situation, God does take care of it....and it is ALWAYS in His timing.  Not today, when I want Him to take care of it, but in one of the tomorrows that I may never know about.  I have to leave issues and problems in God's hands.... how else could I survive in this world?  I've shared way too much in here about times I've been hurt (just think of the times I didn't share!) and my thoughts about it.  And God has - in most cases - worked it out.  Sometimes I have to just keep forgiving.  I even verbally speak the words "I forgive XXXX" because I know I must forgive, for if I don't forgive, that would be MY sin and that is worse than my forgiving someone for a wrong done to me.

And now I am out of things to talk about.  Church this morning, then I'm not sure about this afternoon; possibly a nap in there somewhere.  Before hubby gets the TV on (unless there is a game of some sort) I can get some reading in.  It really annoys me when he asks - almost daily - is this a read night or a movie night.?  One would say he is just being considerate.  He KNOWS I would prefer the TV off.  Yes, I do enjoy a good movie on occasion.  But I don't 'learn' anything from the movies.  The books I read are not romance novels... they are to help me grow in the Lord... and that to me is more important.  We did watch two movies last night (although hubby often sleeps through most of the 2nd one.).  I know he will turn NCIS on ... sigh.... I like NCIS, but I don't have to watch it every week - they are all reruns and most we've seen.  I guess I may work on some diamond art... or crochet.... 

Hope that you have an amazing day - and be kind to others, you don't know what they might be going through.  We are all God's children; let's share His love - it just might be what is needed to bring someone to Jesus, just by watching us walk.

Blessings!

"It's a new day.... and I'm feeling..... good...."

 Wasn't that a Michael Buble song?  Actually, it is. :-)  The title of the song is 'Feeling Good'.  Have you heard it?  I love his songs, so relaxing!  

"It's a new dawn, It's a new day, It's a new life, for me and I'm feeling good."  That's the chorus.  Try googling it and listen!  It just might start your day off better. :-)  

If you think about it.... when you hear the beaten up, torn down, unhappy songs.... they tend to put you in that mood, don't you think?  But when you hear a song about Hope, about Love, above 'feeling good'... you find that well, you don't feel so bad after all!   Right?

I had a great lunch with my son yesterday.  I love that he chooses to spend time with me when he can and we can have meaningful conversation.  I noticed last night that I STILL forgot to give him a prayer wheel I have for him.  Well, it is something I can give him 'next time'. :-)  Always enjoy my time and conversation with him.

Speaking of my boys....  the youngest is taking hubby out for lunch today.  That works.  The oldest takes me to lunch, the youngest takes hubby!  That works out well, don't you think?  No, I'm not envious that my youngest takes hubby out.  I'm happy he does.  Today, though, I will get to have company during that time.... a great-granddaughter will come visit for a couple hours.  Not sure yet what we will do; will depend on what mood she is in and if she wants to play with the dolls or bake cookies or what.  Will need to see how it starts out.  Usually the girls run to the back room to play with the dolls.  Either way, we will have quality time together.

I'm sitting here looking at my list of 'things to do' and wondering what I should try to work on today. I could always add more things to the list, little things that have no urgency at all, but why make the list so long I don't want to do any of it?  Some I don't want to do unless I'm alone; I don't need a supervisor, if you know what I mean.  It's already 8:30a this morning.... yes, I'm writing this late, but it's Saturday.... first thing I'll do is take a shower and wash my hair (you needed to know that, didn't you!) when I'm done here as we have a celebration of life for a friend this afternoon that I plan to go to.  I'll take it when I'm done here.  I don't have to cook breakfast (which I haven't done for some time now) because hubby will have a big lunch, I'm sure.  They probably will go where they can have steak.  What is the big deal about steak, anyway?  It's nice once in a while, but it's no biggie to me. Definitely not a 'deal breaker' on where to go.  Actually, no food is a deal breaker for me.  I need to eat less, not more. 

Which reminds me, we tried our first meal in the Tovala oven last night - and it was good and easy!  I was surprised, to say the least.  I chose the teriyaki chicken bowl.  I opened the box, the rice was already in it, I opened a packet and put the broccoli on top.  Put the raw chicken in another container (furnished) and poured teriyaki sauce on it.  Put both containers in the Tovala oven. Here is where it is unique.  There is a card inside the food box, and I take the QR code for chicken and 'scan' it on the oven screen.  It turns the oven on - goes to that temperature, sets the timer, and voila!  It took 20 minutes!  I followed the rest of the instructions of putting a lime vinegarette on the rice/broccoli, mix it up.  Take the chicken out of the teriyaki sauce and cut it up, pour the sauce in the pan over the bowl - and - you know what? It was really good!  We'll see how long I enjoy this type of 'cooking'.  LOL

What brings you peace?  Yes, that could be a loaded question.  You may think it is getting off by yourself (and I agree, getting away by myself does bring me peace at times).  You may think it is doing things you enjoy doing.  And that could be true as well.  What brings you real peace?  One of my devotions this morning talked about Adam and Eve, and how they had such peace in the garden of Eden.  And it only took one bite for that peace to fall away.  Do you think Adam may have choked on that piece of fruit he ate from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil?  Do you think he was immediately filled with fear at his disobedience?  After all, God DID tell HIM.... 

Genesis 2:15-17 (ESV):  The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it. And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, "You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die."

(I am reminded of my son's keychain 'But did you die?') And did Adam die?  He surely did.  God didn't tell Eve... but surely Adam told her, yes?  So she had to know... but allowed the serpent the devil to entice her to eat of that tree anyway.  And she gave it to her husband..... and he took of it.  So God banished them from the beautiful Garden of Eden.  They had to till the land, and labor under it.... but they never got to be in the garden again.  That in itself was a loss to be repented up, you think?  The peace that Adam and Eve had in the garden was taken away.

What causes you to lose peace?  What gives you peace?  Have you ever stopped to think about it?  I have discovered one thing.... and I talk about it frequently.... clutter causes me distraction.  When I can be in a room without a lot of clutter, I have peace.  Does that make sense?  Granted, that is rare, for I am a 'collector' of things I don't need but someone else might.  Don't laugh!  You are probable the same way!  When I finally decide, after years of holding on to something, that I don't need it and get rid of it, I always need it.  I can even give you an example - and you will laugh!!

I had this electric saucepan that I had gotten from Aunt Sue.  I used it when all my burners were full. But, since I don't cook that quantity anymore, it has set in the garage for years.   I finally decided to let it go when my daughter had a yard sale before she moved.  This pan was probably 30 years old and still worked.  Well, I thought about that pan a lot this year.  Remember when my oven AND my stove were turned off for 3-4 months while we waited on the part for the oven?  Yeah, I thought then that I sure wished I had that saucepan!  Yes, I thought about buying another, but thank goodness, I held back on that urge!  And we survived!  

And there the rambling starts again, right?  I couldn't sleep last night (probably still wound up from a night of worship at church!) and I've had trouble staying awake this morning.  Hence, this is later than usual.  Maybe my mind isn't functioning on full level yet and the ramblings are settling in?  Perhaps that is also a sign that I need to get off here and get in the shower and 'clear my head'.

So with that... I'm off here today.  Hopefully can manage to get some things done somehow. Spending time with a great-granddaughter will be a good break. Which reminds me, hubby made a comment about us going south in October to visit our granddaughter and her little family.  I will need to check with her what would work best for them, and then look for a hotel.  Now THAT brings me joy.  Peace will follow. :-)

Have an amazing day and be kind to others.  You don't know what they are going through that makes them do things that make no sense.

Blessings!

It's 'her' last day....

 Yes, my boss at work is retiring and she plans to turn her computer in today, although officially she hasn't retired until Monday.  Am I jealous?  Somewhat. Am I happy for her?  Absolutely!  She is ten years YOUNGER than me and she gets to retire and enjoy life.  That is so awesome.  I don't regret having to work, I really don't.  I work from home, which is very convenient.  I pretty much have freedom to take time off work (like today, going to lunch with my son) whenever I want/need to (taking hubby to doctor appointments).  I have a great job and work for a great company.  I like those I work with.  It's a great place to be.

But what would my day look like if I ever DID retire?  Reality?  The only change is that I wouldn't be sitting in front of the computer at 7am, planning on how my work day would come out.  Seriously.  That would be the only change.  Hubby would be happy I wasn't working, because then he could take me to breakfast or lunch occasionally without me grumbling about time away from work.  Of course, then we probably couldn't afford to go out to eat much. LOL  I am already in the house nearly 24x7 every single day.... so not much will change.  If I need to do something, most days I can break away to do it.  My biggest fear, if you will call it that, is that I will lose myself.   

Yes, I can still crochet/knit, bake (but who for?), do my diamond art without work interruptions, other craft projects.... but no interactions with others will cause me to die inside.  Does that make sense?  It's been hard enough working from home (thank you, COVID) and have limited contact with those I work with.  In the office I was taking walks with friends on breaks, eating lunch with them, sitting in offices and asking questions or just catching up.  I was much, much more social than I am now.  I feel I have been like a bug - squashed - except for those times I can 'run away' and visit my boss or other friends alone. Does that make sense?  Am I feeling sorry for myself?  It's just been my life for the past five/six years and I feel my life has been sucked out of me.

Of course today is going to be amazing cause I get to spend time with one of my boys.  Any time I can spend alone with my kids or grandchildren - or even great-grandchildren, puts me on a high. ;-)  I feel like I can 'come to life' for a little while again.  I was chatting with Sue, my boss, this morning.  Sigh.  I told her this was the last time I could Teams message her 'good morning' as she plans to turn her computer in today.  We chatted a bit and I told her I was having lunch with my son, and had considered taking 1/2 day off so we wouldn't watch the clock. She told me no, not to 'take' 1/2 day off, but enjoy my lunch with my son.  Tonight they are having a 'surprise' retirement for our division president - he also is retiring on Monday, officially.  I'm sure he is aware of it by now, but it's been a surprise.  I am not going as it is downtown, but I have sent him a retirement card and he responded.  We are 'friends' but I'm way out on the outer circle of those friends, ya know?  Anyway, Sue is going to go - so will drop her computer and badge off on her way there.  I don't do downtown if I can avoid it. And I can avoid this.  Happy retirement to them both.  (Sue and I already have scheduled for December 4th, I think it is, when we go to the Christmas Ideas House.  Already have it scheduled off and she approved. :-) )

After the Christmas Ideas House, Sue, Dr. K and Nancy meet December 5th (two days in a row with Sue!) and then I'll meet up with just Sue on December 23rd - I told her to give me a list of the goodies she wants for Christmas. LOL  She says every year (and I've given her things over the past several years as part of her Christmas gifts) her kids come over and look at something and ask "Did N make this?" and when she says "yes", they dive into it.  Makes my heart smile.  I told her to give me a list this year cause I wasn't going to make everything like I did last year. I wore myself out.  I do need to write all these recipes down.  Hey - that would make a great gift for Sue this year - a card with all the recipes I've made her over the years on it.  Yeah, I can do that!  Need to write that down!

One of my dreams has been to make a recipe book for my children/grandchildren of my favorite recipes over the years.  Or just recipes I like.  I keep thinking it, but have never followed through.  And then I think, well, when I retire, I will have the time..... yeah. I won't have much more time than I do now, right?  It's what I do to fill up that time.  And here I go rambling again, right?

As I was reading this morning a verse stood out to me and daggone it, I always have to pause and ask forgiveness, cause I know I fail in this area a lot of times.  And you know you do too.  We talk about people a lot, and not always in the best terms.

Ephesians 4:29 (NIV):  Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Is anyone saying 'ouch' besides me?    Do I need to even elaborate on what that means?  I think it pretty much speaks for itself, doesn't it?  We all do it, well, most of us.  Usually without thinking.  We are just 'sharing a prayer request', or 'sharing needed information', right?  We really don't mean to say something BAD about anyone, right?  But we do it by the words we use.  Sometimes I do catch myself getting ready to say something and then I get convicted on the spot and just shut my mouth.  But many times, on the inside, I'm hoping whomever I'm talking to will just say, 'it's ok, go ahead and tell me'.  Ever found yourself in that predicament?

Tonight is a 'worship night' at church, and we have an awesome worship team, so we are going.  At least that is the plan right now.  My 'social hour' too. LOL  That's how I meet people at church.  Which reminds me, and I may have told you this the other day.  I mentioned to Morgan on Tuesday that I was thinking of doing a bible study here at home on Tuesday nights.  Immediately she said, "I'll come!"  That almost caused me to stutter, for I didn't expect that!  So I have been thinking more about it, and who I could 'invite' that would be around Morgan's age (30-ish) so that she wouldn't feel the youngest, you know what I mean.  I don't want to get ... well, if you read between the lines, and have read enough of my comments over time, you know what the rest of that sentence is. 

Anyway, this morning in my prayer time I kind of threw out a fleece.  I really do want to have women friends that I can trust and they can trust each other.  I don't necessarily want just a 30's age group, but maybe 30-60?  Anyway, my sort - of - fleece to God was "If You want me to start this women's bible study, someone from church will come up to me and ask if I'm going to start a bible study, that she is interested".  It doesn't have to be tonight, or anytime soon, but I don't want to start a group because I want to start a group.  I want to start a group because God says it's time to have a group.  Does that make sense?  

All of us are at different stages in our lives.  All of us have different needs.  I always was reluctant to be involved in women's groups as a leader because sometimes, just sometimes, they will call in the middle of the night if they are in a crisis or need to talk with someone.  Unfortunately, early in my married life, I learned that hubby does not appreciate being awakened in the middle of the night (think landline phone that always had to be on his side of the bed) by someone who wanted to talk to me.  My little brother used to call me in the middle of the night drunk.... luckily that ended after a few times.  The phone calls, that is.  Anyway - I threw the fleece out; let's see what God does with it.  And if that doesn't happen, it doesn't really mean I shouldn't start a women's study in my home.... I need to wait for His timing. 

That scripture could possibly be used in a message or a bible study, ya think?  

And with that, I need to get off here as I do have some work to do before my son arrives.   I pray you have an amazing day, and be kind to others; you don't know what they are going through.

Blessings!

I got an extra one...

 Morgan text'd me last night that her 8:30a cancelled and did I want a third training this week.  What was I thinking?  I had core on Tuesday, which is beginning to remind me when I move, and I had legs yesterday. She hit me with squats and more squats, and when we were finished with the squats, we did lunges and ore lunges!  My legs are stiff and sore this morning from the workout.  And I said 'Yes' to working out again this morning?  I am thinking it will be upper body - probably back as we did chest the other week. I don't think I can do HIIT this morning, which will be the next one next week.  I get it mixed up - but I think we are on upper body, HIIT, core, legs.  My legs were shaking last night as I walked out of the gym.  Squats and lunges are no fun - but so much needed!  From sitting all day for years - and even more so these past six years of working from home, my legs are cottage cheese.

We should get our first Tovala order today.  I got the oven set up last night and I think we're good to go.  It will be interesting to figure it all out, but am looking forward to trying it.  If I don't like it, I can send it all back!  Or after six orders, the oven is mine.  Well, it's 'free' now, but if I quit ordering food before six weeks, I either return it or pay for it.  At least this will keep us from going out to eat so much and me having to prepare meals - at least three times a week. Some nights I just don't feel like it.  Like last night. We ended up with tv dinners - and that's ok!

My legs awakened me early again during the night.  They are burning, not like before when it felt like lava going down the bones.  It's burning, so I imagine it is inflammation.  I get the blood work done September 1 and will see how bad it is, and will talk with Dr. Mark on how to get rid of it.  All because of those stupid scorpion bites that no one seemed to know what to do with.  

'We' watched the Dolly Parton special last night.  I didn't want to specifically, but hubby did.  I liked Dolly and her music, don't get me wrong.  But what you see are just clips of her life - and for two hours, that is exactly what it was.  Clips of her life.  Hubby had asked if I wanted to watch it and I said 'no' and I get the "WHY?" So I told him if he wanted to watch it he could, but I didn't particularly want to. I would have preferred to read, but since he had the TV on, I did glance up at it as I crochet'd.  And daggone it, I've run out of this color of yarn - AGAIN.  I'll go through and see if I can't find a color to blend in the ends and then I'll be done with it.  No big deal. Worse comes to worse (where did that saying come from, anyway?) I will go back to Michaels' and pick up another skein.

My daughter called yesterday morning and shared they 'all' will be coming out October 2 - October 9 but will be getting an Airbnb until October 8, and they will come stay with us.  It will be good to see everyone and we haven't seen in person our great-granddaughter since July 2025, I think.  We get photos, of course.  Reminds me, my granddaughter sent me two photos of her little one last night in fuzzy slippers. She is so cute!  I've got to get down to see them!

I switch out my retainers this morning for new ones.  I will wear the new ones for two weeks and then switch them out again.  I tell you what, when I have them off, the 'things' they put on some of my teeth to help them move sure do cut up the inside of my mouth!  I have started eating just soft foods or small pieces that I can chew easily.  You know you needed to know that.  I'm more concerned the new retainers I put on will cause headaches and my mouth to ache until it gets used to the change.  But, that means it is doing what it is supposed to do, right?

Isaiah 26:3 (ESV)  You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.

Have you ever noticed those who are 'all over the place' in times of trial and those who 'sit in peace' when things are tough?  People don't always understand that when you put your life in the hands of Jesus, He is the One in control and no matter what happens, you can trust Him.  Some people come up with diagnoses so that they can stay in the center of attention.  Not to sound mean, but my mother was always sick.  She always had a headache. She always had a bad shoulder. She always had something wrong.  Not enough to go to the doctor, but always said she was hurting.  To get attention?  Possibly. I don't know if the pain was real or imagined.  In her latter years I'm sure it was real - she had multiple myeloma, COPD, and I'm not sure what all.  But when I was growing up, mother was always in pain about something.  

So when I started going to my doctor out here, years ago, I explained to him that I am so afraid of becoming my mother, that if I have a pain, I will wait at least two weeks.  If that pain is still there, THEN I will make an appointment to come see him.  Or if it was severe.  Otherwise, I'd tough through it. And that's what I have done all these years.  (How long has my legs been bothering me?  4 years now? But, they can't see anything so they don't know what to do!)  But I have been at peace, for I have Jesus.  In fact, when I was praying this morning, I prayed for myself, which I don't normally do other than the usual.... help me, Jesus!... prayers.  Anyway, I told him, thinking of Paul, that if He didn't heal me, give me the strength to endure. Although I want to be healed of the pain in my legs, if He chooses not to heal me, then help me endure to the end.  Either way, being here with my loved ones is good... but being with Jesus is even better.  No, I'm not going to die anytime soon - unless the Lord decides to take me home.  My job is to be ready to go when He does decide to take me home - however He decides.  And the same for each one of you.  Are you ready - no matter what comes in the future - that you know where you'd be.

I thought of my siblings that have already passed, and my heart was grieved.  My oldest brother was an atheist and fought me on everything about Jesus.  My little sister says she wants to believe that in his final moments, he turned to Jesus.  My older sister, when we've talked, said she was a Christian and accepted Jesus.  My youngest brother, who died many years ago, I was able to talk with him also and he told me he had accepted Jesus as Lord and believed he was saved.  Could I have done more to save my oldest brother? I don't know. I prayed for him, but.... 

Oops - I'm out of time and need to get on the work computer, get dressed for the gym! Time flies when I'm having fun.  

Have an amazing day - and be kind to others. You know know what they are going through.

Blessings!

I made a list...

 and put it on the wall.  List of what?  Just some things that I want to accomplish - at some point.  Sigh. I seem to not remember anything I want to accomplish when I have time to do them.  But looking at my list this morning, there are 12 things on there - and I thought of another one just now to add.  Now these are things that take time to complete, as a rule.  And you know how much time I have to focus on things. BUT - with that said, I DID get some things - not on my list thought! - completed last night.  I needed another skein of yarn to complete a blanket.  I was short ONE ROW!  Can you even imagine?  One row to complete - and I ran out of yarn I needed.  Anyway - after my workout last night, I headed to Michael's and picked it up. I nearly panicked though - I couldn't find it for the longest time.  And that was all I bought there.  One skein.

Then I headed to Fry's to get milk.  I kind of 'screwed up' the other day.... when I went to Safeway and got groceries.  I was carrying several things in at one time, and sat the gallon of milk on the counter in the garage.... then got distracted, and never went back to get it.  I discovered it the next morning. Yeck.  So I stopped to get milk, and a couple other things. Heading home, AND putting the milk in the refrigerator, I was able to finish up the one row that was left on the blanket.  I think this blanket is really pretty so don't think I'll donate it, but save it for a future great grandchild.  Or pass it on to my kids and let them give on to theirs.  I also got the Tovala oven out of the box and found a counter to put it on.  My kitchen is so small compared to my last one, and I just do not have counter space.  Nor cabinet space.  But I managed to find a place for the oven.  Tomorrow our first order of food is to be delivered so I need to figure out how to use it now.  I haven't connected it to the wifi yet. Yes, it connects to wifi; still not sure how it works.

This morning I have a 7:45a workout.  Legs.  Yesterday it was core.  I'll be feeling that one later! Although we only got two sets done on core.  I've got to get moving fairly soon here and get washed up and dressed to go.  I'll need to leave by 7:15a. 

Hubby apparently doesn't care for the caramel coffee I purchased. He informed me the other day that is all we have 'left' in k-cups.  Ok. Then yesterday he made a comment that was all we had.  This morning he commented again that he hoped I liked the caramel coffee as that was all we had.  Yes, I do like it, as a matter of fact.  It's nice sometimes to have a flavor versus just 'coffee', if you know what I mean.  Not all the time, but occasionally.  So - guess I will order a box of medium/dark k-cups and have shipped so hubby can stop worrying about me drinking caramel every morning. Good grief, it is only one cup!  I did find a bag of coffee last night and set it out so he did offer to make a pot of coffee in the percolator. I'll figure out how much coffee to put in the coffee pot so that he can just make a pot of coffee.  Sometimes I feel like a parent... if you know what I mean... I guess actually, I'm achieving many roles now, right?

Youngest son has invited hubby to go see a movie with him and they were going over dates/times last night, but couldn't agree on any.  Hubby suggested they just do lunch.  Then they talked about the movie again.  Some has to do with hubby's schedule of his 'appointments' and some with my son's.  And then there is the great-granddaughter needing picked up from school.  The wife was screaming she wasn't going to pick her up cause she doesn't mind her.  And I'll leave that there.  Sigh. That poor child has to listen to screaming all the time.  I'm going to let my son know that if she can be picked up and dropped off here, I'll 'entertain' her while they go to the show.  If I'm working still, I have an ipad with the kids things on it (belongs to my daughter for the granddaughter) that she can sit in here and watch until I'm done.  I got it covered. 

Well, THAT was an interruption!  Ms. Vicky called to tell me our street was flooded and she had called two people on the board and they didn't pick up their phone (at 5:30a no less!)  Well.... I told hubby, and we went outside and it isn't flooded.... the neighbor across the street has a sprinkler head broken and the water is running out.  Either that or it - and looking at the size of that puddle - it could be a broken pipe.  While we were standing there looking at it (me in my jammies in the courtyard, and hubby dressed (thank goodness!) the neighbor came out and said she had already called the landscaper and he was on his way to fix it.  Teach hubby to be a once upon a time board president!  But why involve me?  Right? But then, Ms. Vicky calls me for a lot of things. The 'danger' of being neighbors with older women, right? LOL

My entire train of thought has gone off the edge now.  I get so caught up in my 'own little world' here in the mornings, that sometimes interruptions like this, that cause me to get up out of my chair and do something else, makes the thoughts fly out the brain faster than they got there!

I mentioned to Morgan last night that I was toying with the idea of having a women's bible study at our house on Tuesday nights.  She surprised me.  She immediate said "I will come if you do!"  I had to repeat it twice to make sure I heard right. I hadn't expected that!  So maybe that is my sign that I need to find a good bible study and start check for maybe 3-4 other women.  I'll let it ride for the moment.

My legs woke me up this morning - well, about 3a I think it was.  Not the seering pain down the bones like it was before, but the muscles themselves, and it wasn't from working out. It wasn't workout soreness, but pain soreness, if that makes sense.  I am wondering if it is the inflammation that showed up on the last CRP test... I think that is the test. I do have that test scheduled for myself at SQL on September 1st.  It was 3.4 or was it 4.5 before.... and that is high.  I will take both test results to Dr. Mark when I go see him in September.  Need to get this inflammation down - and also find out what is going on. I still say it is from the scorpion or bug bites from about 4 years ago.  I still get the pin pricks in that area throughout the day and night.  No bumps, so they can't 'see' anything wrong... but it's inside and that is what frustrates me.  How do I tell them what is wrong when they can't see it?  I don't even know what kind of test they could do to find out what it is and how to fix it.  But I do need to get rid of the inflammation in my body.  Need to do more research, I guess.  Haven't looked in a long while.  Whatever bit me, bit about 15 times in the same area.  The two antibiotics I was prescribed, and the cream, took care of the itching and pain, but did nothing for the inflammation inside.  Even forced the dermatologist to do a biopsy of the area, but it came back with nothing.  Of course I couldn't get in to see the PCP I had at that time, and then I changed to Dr. Mark. Oh well, something for me to deal with.

Psalm 118:24 (ESV)  This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.  

We should rejoice in every day for it is a day that we can 'do over' and 'do better', right?  Sometimes that's hard, but we have a choice.  Make it better - or make it worse.  I choose better!

And with that - I need to get dressed for my workout - don't want to go in my jammies!

Have an amazing day - and be kind to someone; you don't know what they are going through.

Blessings!

Do I really have to work today?

 I've got some 'little things' that I want to do... heaven forbid that I should do them in the evenings!  I mean, I know what I want to do... but it is always during the day I want to do them!  Come evening, the thought totally slips my mind!  Perhaps I need to start writing things on a board or something and put it where I can see it.  And then walk away from it. Sigh.  What are some of the things I want to do?  

Well, there is my diamond art projects. I do enjoy them a lot, and have a few yet to work on.  They definitely are time-consuming and take up my table so I have to plan carefully on those.  I want to get back into making cheater quilts for Christmas gifts for friends... and that takes time. I 'should' just bring out my sewing machine. It still takes time, but a lot less if I use the machine. In all honesty, I haven't sewn by machine for so many years, I need to take a refresher course on how to sew.  And I love to sew!  I love to be creative and make things (and give away, of course!).  I want to do a lot of baking. A lot of cooking. I want to exercise more. I want to write letters to friends. I want to declutter. A lot of 'declutter'! Sigh. And so much more 'I want to'!  (and then there is learn more crochet and knitting skills)

I really can't blame work taking up my time. I keep thinking of how much time I have gained with working from home. Seriously.  One hour in the morning, two hours home - that is three hours!!  But I think part of the difference is that I go to bed at 8:30 (ish) now - which eliminates that three hours I gained by working from home.  Still get up about the usual time.  I just get so sleepy in the evenings that my body starts shutting down at 8:30p.  Maybe I need to keep active; it may take 3 weeks to get back in sync, but that is what it takes to change a habit.  I used to stay up to 11-12p and get up at 4a.  The first hour was my quiet time, the second hour was getting dressed. I was out the door by 6a.  I need to think this through.  I know one thing, I can't just sit and read in the evenings for I do get very sleepy.  I need something to keep my mind active.... I'm going to think on this.  I'm not getting anything done I really want to do. It frustrates me and makes me unhappy.  I feel like I am losing myself.  And I have no one to blame but myself.  Hubby goes to bed early, so I follow just to keep peace. Now I am feeling lazy.  I need to stop this. I want to take a class or study.  I need to figure out how to do this so I can get the most out of it.  It will be a change, but I need to make it. I need to do it for me. I need to do it to feel like I'm still living and not just work all day and watch TV/read and then go to bed. There is more to life and I'm tired of missing it!  I loved not driving to work in the mornings cause I get up at the same time and have 2-3 hours (depending if I get up at 4 or 5) to spend with God each morning. I won't give that up. That sets up my day. But my evenings, I need to redo. I need to realign.  I need to find myself.

I guess I just don't want to get in a routine where I'm not living life, but just going through it.  Does that make sense?  I have gone at this many times over the years, I think. It all sounds familiar. But I have to do something different.  I guess I think of it as well as getting 'old' - and you know how I fight against that.  Not about age wise; I'm proud that (uh oh - that word again!) God has allowed me to live this long.  Maybe I should just say that I'm 'excited' that God has allowed me to live this long!  But I don't want to get in a rut where I can't do anything. Does that make sense?  Ok, enough about me.

Went to the oncologist yesterday morning with hubby and talked with the assistant. She is a lot more understanding and thorough than the doctor is.  In fact, we saw him twice in the hallway and both times he adverted his eyes. What's up with that?  Anyway, the appointment was for hubby to share what side effects he was having with the 4 pills a day (I've got to look it up, it starts with an 'x') the doctor prescribed for him last month.  He never picked up the prescription because he didn't want to take the pills. I think I mentioned yesterday that Dr. Mark had asked him, "Do you want quality of life or quantity of life?"  The side effects, known, for these 4 pills a day is dizziness, weakness, high blood pressure, sweats, and who knows how else it could affect hubby.  We discussed it all with the assistant and she was so good at letting hubby talk (funny, every time he would say he didn't want to take them, he'd look at me for confirmation) with his reasons and thoughts about it. His PSA did go up about 600th of a point, the assistant said.  I forget the actual numbers, but in the past six months, it has been going up each month but never a point yet.  So, she agreed with him and said that they will do another meeting in 3 months and see where his PSA is at that time.  If it has gone up slowly as it has been, they can wait longer. But if it does a big jump, it may require another discussion about the pills.  The Lupron shots give him cold sweats but he's gotten used to those.  Personally, I think they have sucked the life out of him.  To get him to do anything is a battle, even things he enjoys doing.

He fights me on things. For example, after work I cooked dinner (as usual).  He is supposed to do the dishes, although I do all the pans (cause he will leave them to soak even when they don't need it) and sometimes also the glass dishes/bowls that I use.  All he ends up with are the plates, glasses and silverware used.  Anyway, the dishwasher was full, I had already noticed that.  I wouldn't have said anything if he hadn't.  After dinner I went into the front room and grabbed a book.  He does his thing in the kitchen and comes in and says "I'll run the dishwasher in the morning".  I just asked, "Why don't you run it tonight?" Then he starts in about how it will heat up the kitchen, etc. So then I come back with 'Let it heat up the kitchen tonight; why let it heat up the kitchen in the morning when we are in and out of it?" He started arguing with me about when to run the dishwasher and why do I always have to contradict him.... I just looked at him and told him it makes no sense to put it off because we won't be in the kitchen later that night, but in the morning we will be in and out.  He stormed - literally! - out of the front room, stomping his feet and went and turned on the dishwasher.  He was so angry at me!  He got over it of course.  But it is these little things that set him off at me.  Is it still about 'control'?  Who knows.  I probably would have gone in and turned it on if he hadn't said anything.  Maybe it is because his 'job' is also putting the dishes away when they are done, and if they are clean last night, then he will be 'required' to put them away this morning?  If he has a gym appointment this morning, I may just go in and do it, as I often do. It takes five minutes, but for him you would think it takes an hour. Sigh. Ok - enough.

Work wasn't too bad yesterday.  (sorry, had to get on the work computer!)   Only I got 'assigned to arrange airline travel and hotel and conference, etc.... and I don't like doing those!  I did think of retirement.....  But, it is something I have to do.  Only I couldn't cause I wasn't a delegate and there were other issues.... so I am dealing with that this morning.... sigh.  Hopefully I can get it done fairly quickly. Have a few other things to do too. I guess they want me to earn my pay!  Speaking of work.... Sue has only 3 more days.... technically 4, but she plans to go to the office on Friday and turn in her work computer and whatever else she has from the company. Not much, I'm sure.  Anyway, she is officially retiring on Monday - but like she said, what are they going to do?  So she's turning her computer in on Friday afternoon.  That actually works out for me. I've been playing with taking the day off as I am having lunch with my son, but.... I can just ask for time off without using my PTO time and work the morning. See how I'm figuring this out?  Sue is turning in her computer, Kristine, the interim, is still on vacation.... I can check messages when I get back.  Perfect, right?  I just need to run it by Sue sometime before Friday. :-) And hopefully I don't have a lot of work to get done.

Have I done a lot of complaining about work and hubby this morning?  Seems like I should just delete this entire thing and start over. But then, this is my life..... shouldn't I be able to share my 'life' with you?

Psalm 119:165 (ESV):  Great peace have those who love your law; nothing can make them stumble.

Ok - now 'great peace' and 'loving God's law' does not mean there won't be struggles.  I love God's law and do my best to follow it. I often have peace in my life.  But some days.... well, perhaps I am wrong. I don't really count it a 'stumble', but it depends on what I do with what I love about God's law. I guess, right?  Then of course there is....

Philippians 2:14 (ESV):  Do all things without grumbling or disputing.

And if you don't get it that way.... read how it is said in The Message!

Philippians 2:14 (MSG):  Do everything readily and cheerfully - no bickering, no second-guessing allowed! 

So what are we going to choose today?  Have peace; don't bicker; do what you are supposed to do cheerfully - and even go one step further!  Be kind. Show people who you are in Christ by the way you speak, the way you act, the way you have peace. Do not live two lives.  People see both sides.

And with that - I'm off here!  Have an amazing day - and be kind to others. You don't know what they are going through.

Blessings!

Monday morning.... and an addendum 30 minutes later

 and my stress level is already arising.  Sigh. I really do not like it when hubby brings in the coffee and then proceeds to TELL me what WE are going to do.  It makes me angry, but because I am afraid of HIS anger, and do not want a fight (especially first thing on a Monday morning!) so I said nothing.  He said his spiel and then walked out of the room.  And left me seething.  What is it over?  Doesn't matter.  And I get it. He is still fighting for control, and he knows he is losing control.  We all do it.  When we feel things slipping through our hands, we grab on more tightly, right?  I get it.  I'm just angry I am in the middle of it. So this morning my prayers were for God to protect, guide, grant me wisdom, show me when to speak and when to keep my mouth shut.

You can't tell me God doesn't work miracles.  This situation hubby 'started' this morning, just ended.  He opens my door and says, "Change of plans.  You can drive this morning.  Does that make you feel better?"  To which I responded, "You will lower my blood pressure."  And you know what?  I never said a word to him.  I let him speak this morning and he left.  I gave it to God, and HE took care of (part of) the issue.  Thank You, Jesus!

Yesterday was a good day.  I spent the morning in here, then we went to church at noon.  Wanting to see the grandson before he was taken to the recruiter's office, we hurried over there. The DIL was busy in the kitchen making things.  I commented that we didn't come over to eat, just to see this grandson before he left. She explained it was for her son's birthday party - which I thought was at 4p, but was at 2p.  We ended up staying, rather than driving home, changing clothes, and driving back, which was the original plan.  I somehow got the times messed up with last week's birthday party, I guess.  Anyway, we stayed.  After awhile I was getting pretty tired as I was still in my Sunday clothes, and you know I dress up.  The heels had come off when I walked in the door. I was longing for my jeans!  So after the gifts were open, we headed home and I quickly changed into more comfortable clothes. 

I headed to Safeway for groceries.  I picked up something I think my oldest son will like.... and I had to sneak one to try it.  If I tell it, does that mean I'm sneaking it?  He will have to wait until Friday to get it.  If there is any left. But he will probably get some - if he hasn't already - if he knows they are 'out'.  Now I know I have his curiosity up!  But if I say more, I know he will figure it out.  I really didn't buy much food at the grocery.... I was hungering for something sweet, which is unusual, for I do have chocolate here at home.  But I bought some things I don't normally buy.  I had to hide them from hubby. Not to keep him out of them, which is probably still true, but because I don't want his condemnation for buying them. And I'll leave that there.

Today hubby has an oncologist appointment at 9a.  Well, it is with the assistant.  I don't want to go. In fact, I hadn't even written it on my calendar, thinking I would not need to go. BUT, they are pushing for him to take 4 small pills daily in addition to the shots he gets once a month - all because his PSA went us about a point. I think I shared this before.  Dr. Mark told him to think quality versus quantity... and hubby has decided to NOT take the pills.  He is to talk with Ashley, the assistant, this morning. It will be interesting if she talks him into it.  I've told him, it's his body, he has to make the call. I refuse to.  He is 89 years old, he will not die of prostrate cancer.  Even Dr. Mark told him that.  I'm glad he is taking a stand, but will he remain firm or give in after talking with Ashley - I don't know.  Of course then we would need to deal with the oncologist when he sees him again.  

Psalm 116:1-2 (ESV):  I love the Lord, because He has heard my voice and my pleas for mercy.  Because He has inclined His ear to me, therefore I will call on Him as long as I live.

If I do nothing else for as long as I live, I will call on the Lord.  Some people may think they 'know' me, but no one knows me like Jesus does.  LOL The old spiritual song sung years ago 'Nobody knows the trouble I've seen.  Nobody knows but Jesus.' just popped into my mind.  Do you remember that one?  It's true, though, even now.  I've shared way too much in here, some days more than I should.... but no one really knows my heart like Jesus does.  He sees every pain, He knows of every tear that does not fall, and He sees those tears that do fall. God collects each tear in a bottle.  Some days I just want to fall on my face and just sob.  I don't want to be comforted, I just want to let all the tears fall without someone trying to get me to stop.

I think I've shared before how I fight tears, even at funerals.  Not because I am embarrassed at my tears, but because I don't want to be sheltered/comforted, if you know what I mean.  There are times I cannot stop the tears, only because it is my loss.  I think the first funeral I have ever gone to that I didn't even 'water up', was my step-father's funeral. And I'll leave that there.  I've guarded my tears over the years. Sadly, I feel no tears when I think of some.  My grief is personal, and my comfort can only come from those who I know truly love me. Just as I am.  And I must leave this here.  

I must be mentally and physically tired... I'm wanting to crawl into a corner and go back to sleep. I want to pull a blanket over my head and hide from life.  Have you ever had those days?   I think of the saying "Angry people are hurting people" and it is a true statement.  I am hurt; and I am angry. But it is of my own doing.  There is another saying, "You make your bed, you lie in it".  Some of you may remember that one.  And one dies a little each day.

My phone just told me my oldest son must be heading for his colonoscopy this morning.  I've already prayed for him, that all 'comes out' ok. Pun intended.  Praying for answers this week as well.

And with that, I'm getting off here. Almost time to start work, and I still need to get ready for hubby's doctor's appointment. I don't want to go. I wish Dr. Mark hadn't been so insistent on me going because hubby can't remember his instructions.  So I have to go and take notes on each doctor's appointment. I'm more of a caregiver and cook at this time of my life. What is God teaching me through all this?  I wish I could learn it.  Is it compassion?  I don't have much at times of that. Maybe I need to have more compassion.... but Lord, it's hard to have compassion in this situation.  Help me, Jesus!

I pray that you have an amazing day!  I think we may be going to dinner with friends tonight.... not sure yet.  Guess I need to check.  Keep looking up; your answers that you seek are on the way.

Blessings!