Will be a busy day....

 hopefully I can still get done the things I need to, that I will keep my mind focused and working. What all do I have on my plate for today?  Well..... work, of course.  And then a 10a training with Morgan.  HIIT today.  Wonder what she will have me do.  I flipped the tire as one of the five exercises last time so don't expect it this time - possibly will be the sled. Hubby hates the sled, but I don't mind it so much.  After that I have the orthodontist at 1:30p.  

The liners have come in; I don't know what else to call them.  I'm already self-doubting myself if I should have just let it go and saved the money.  I have always disliked spending money on myself... and although I see where these are 'needed', is it just cosmetic?  Yes, I have pain, and will have more pain with the liners, but it will pull teeth back and give space where it is needed.  They think it can be done in less than two years.... dare I hope?  I should never have gone and then I would not be in this quandry.  Right?  But - I did go and I did order and I will get.    

And around 5-ish I will be meeting a co-worker whom I haven't seen since the company Christmas gathering for dinner at Cracker Barrel.  It's about the half-way mark for both of us.  At least time-wise, I guess.  I don't usually have 'so much' going on in the same day.... it feels weird to know that I have three things to do... and I'm finding I'm wanting to retract into my shell and not go to any of them!  But, I will.

Last night was a quiet evening... for awhile.  When hubby asked if he could watch the ballgame, I reluctantly said ok... and picked up my yarn to work on the project I'm doing.  Not that I was doing anything before; scrolling my phone (I hate it when I look at one thing and next thing I know an hour has passed!!) (or more!!)  I was in the process of putting down my phone to pick up a book.... so I did the next best thing.  I put an audible book on my kindle and sat and crochet'd.  Yes, I can occasionally multi-task!  I do like audible for I can 'read' a book by listening, and with the headset on, I can block out other distractions - plus I can crochet or knit and get a project done as well.

Our grandson in NM called yesterday and we had a nice chat.  Even did facetime.  I had looked at some photos they had posted of recent vacation and photos of the baby - who I think he said is about 16 months now... I had text'd and told them I wasn't going to comment on the photos but just wanted them to know I had looked at them.  He called and it was nice I 'had him to myself' for a little while as I was still back in the office.  I finally took my phone to the front room, where hubby was watching TV of course, and handed him the phone to chat for a bit.  I noticed, while standing next to hubby, something seemed 'off'.  Usually when this grandson calls he will sit up and is somewhat 'lively' in conversation.  This time, to me, he didn't seem to have much conversation... or maybe it was just me.  It was like I had awakened him (and could very well have) and he wasn't fully awake.  As I wrote this paragraph I just remembered that..... 

My sister-in-law called me yesterday too.  That was an interesting conversation.  We don't talk much, and hubby calls his brother more often, as he should.  But, interestingly enough, hubby has told me that he was told by his brother that the SIL can't drive because she's got dementia, and several other things going on.  According to the SIL, she still drives and meets friends for lunch, goes shopping - although at times others do drive (as they do me).... I don't know; she seemed pretty aware of things while we chatted. She was afraid she had forgotten my birthday.  No, she hadn't.  For the past 44 years she has mailed me a birthday card, and us an anniversary card every year.  She never forgets.  She is in her 80's so it would be understandable if she did.  She always sends, and always writes a short note.  Much better than me.... I quit cards a long time ago.  Pretty much, anyway.  If you get a birthday card from me that is purchased, you are special.  Just saying.

Sigh. Every morning now Sue is sending me a Teams message of good morning.... and adds.... 20 more days. Today may be 19 more days.  She is getting excited about retirement, and I don't blame her.  I'm getting that longing again, but don't see how we can do it.  I mean, I know we can make it, we just have to quit doing some things.  And I'm ok with that.  I truly believe that we have more than enough now, and that God will supply all that we need.  But what if... just what if... He has kept me healthy and strong so that I can continue to work?  See how the doubt comes in?  I wish I could get laid off, then it's not ME that is leaving work. LOL  I want someone else to take the 'blame'. Right?

I Thessalonians 5:18 (ESV) Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Yep.  I read that this morning, and even wrote it down, because I need the reminder that I am to rejoice in all things.  God will not allow things to happen to me unexpectedly.  He is well aware of all things, and in all things, He will strengthen and encourage me to keep on.  I do thank Him for my job.  So grateful He has always provided a job for me.  My jobs have always been fulfilling and I have made many friends over the years.  Hubby wouldn't keep a job, leaving for whatever reason he wanted, and then taking several months to find another.  Only to quit again.  And always for less money.  I never understood that.  So when people ask why I can't retire; don't we have a pension or money in the bank... they don't understand.... and I don't need to go into details.  Reminded of that because the grandson asked those questions yesterday.  Painful thoughts.

Anyway.... I can still rejoice, and I can still pray, and I can still give thanks in all circumstances.... because I know that whatever is going on in my life does not escape God's notice.  He sees me.  And He loves me. And He will walk me through anything that comes at me.  If I continue working, He will help me until the end.  His purposes are better than mine. His desires for me are greater than anything I can come up with.  Be patient, I tell myself.  God is still at work in me.

And He is still at work in you.  Never give up.  Keep seeking, keep praying, keep loving God.  He is for you, not against you.  No matter what the enemy throws at you, God is for you and He is with you through the journey, through the fire.  I know it.  He has walked with me through many, many trials and hardships.

At times my heart is breaking, He is my Comforter.  When I don't know where the next dollar comes from, He is my Provider.  When I need help, He Supports.  When I just need Him...... He is always there for me.

And He is there for you.  Always.  Seek Him and know Him.  You will find your peace and your joy.

Have an amazing day!

Blessings!

It was a great message yesterday

  Pastor George from our church, although not on staff, spoke yesterday.  He said he turned 79 the other day - and when people started to clap, he said to stop - the only thing you get when you turn 79 is a colonoscopy.  Only he said it in a way that it was funny.  We all laughed.  But the message he gave was very good.  In fact, I'm going to go right into it cause I want to share while it is still sorta fresh on my mind.

Joshua 17:14-18 (NKJV):  The the children of Joseph spoke to Joshua, saying, "Why have you given us only one lot and one share to inherit, since we are a great people, inasmuch as the Lord as blessed us until now?"  So Joshua answered them, "If you are a great people, then go up to the forest country and clear a place for yourself there in the land of the Perizzites and the giants, since the mountains of Ephraim are too confined for you."  But the children of Joseph said, "The mountain country is not enough for us; and all the Canaanites who dwell int he land of the valley have chariots of iron, both those who are of Beth Shean and its towns and those who are of the Valley of Jezreel."  And Joshua spoke to the house of Joseph - to Ephraim and Manasseh - saying, "You are a great people and have great power; you shall not have only one lot, but the mountain country shall be yours. Although it is wooded, you shall cut it down, and its farthest extent shall be yours; for you shall drive out the Canaanites, though they have iron chariots and are strong."

Points that Pastor George made in this message: 1) Ephraim and Manasseh experienced the pressure of the blessing.  What did he mean by that?  

They forgot from where they came.  Think about it.  God had brought the tribes out of Egypt, out of slavery.  He lead them 40 years through the wilderness (until that generation died cause they grumbled all the time and didn't obey God to go into the Promised Land!)  Ephraim and Manasseh were blessed and their families grew (as did the other tribes) and now they were complaining that they had grown so big they needed more room.  But were they willing to go out and fight?  So what if the  Canaanites had iron chariots - wah! - what did God do to the chariots that followed them out of Egypt and tried to capture them?  They FORGOT what God had already done.  

They FORGOT from where they had come.  They were living on land they did not till.  They were living in houses they did not build. They were living off food that had grown they had not planted  - and they were complaining because they wanted more.  Just because God has blessed us, doesn't mean we have all we want. We all want MORE.

The pressure of the blessing causes self-pity, and we become self-centered, and want more. And more. And more.  Even too much is not enough when we have the pressure of the blessing.  God gives us everything we need, but when we focus on what we need and not on God, we become self-entitled and self-centered.

There is a difference between Inheritance Mentality and Entitlement Mentality.

Inheritance Mentality - all we get we give back to God. He supplies, we surrender what we have to Him.

Entitlement Mentality - what we get is never enough.  We always feel we are entitled to have more.

Other thoughts - People say they want to hear from God, but they won't read their Bible, nor do they sit quietly and give Him time to speak.

Psalm 46:10 - Be still and know that I am God.  

We come from a God who parts water; from a God who conquers the enemy.  

We are strong with God.... whatever comes against us.... go back from where  you came.  (i.e., when you had nothing, and God supplied)   Trust God to meet all your needs; don't become self-entitled.  It all belongs to God anyway.

Good stuff, don't you think?  I'm glad I am sharing it; hopefully I will keep it in my mind and 'remember from where I came'.

Got a text from my son that reminded me I hadn't finished this for today.  Work always seems to get in the way.  And training.  LOL I have 11a today.  Upper body.  HIIT tomorrow at 10a.  Trust me, I can look back when I could barely lift a few pounds - and now I can flip 178 pound tires!  God is good.

Hubby had said we were going to 'talk about my retirement and the bills' this weekend - I didn't say anything; and he must have forgotten.  Just when I resign myself to working until I die.  LOL At least I am doing something, right?  I can't do anything now if I wasn't working.... only difference is I wouldn't be sitting in front of a computer all day and doing 'stuff'.

Am I feeling entitled?  LOL  God has always provided for us over the years.  Some day I will have to sit down and share some of His marvelous works for us... if I can remember them all!

In the meantime - I need to answer my boss and get to work.  Hope you have an amazing day and 'remember from where you were, to where you are now'.  How has God blessed you?

Blessings!

Sunday laziness....sorta

 As I've mentioned many times lately, I love my Sunday mornings when I can stay in here until about 10a if I want to.  We go to church at the 12p service so don't usually leave here until 11:30-ish.  We're about 6 minutes away from church.  Long drive, right?  Anyway, I do enjoy these mornings when I can read and not keep an eye on the clock; journal for as long as I want. And write in here, of course.  I actually stopped my reading this morning to do this now, and then will get re-focused when finished.

I read the entire book of Colossians this morning.  It has a lot of 'good stuff' in there.  I read a book one time, actually I've read it several times, and I think it is called "What happens when women pray" by Evelyn Christenson.  There was a book that a dear friend, Janie Forney, once recommended to me when I went to the altar one weekend up in Prescott at our Women's Retreat in my early years of becoming a Christian.  I had so much to learn and I was so hungry to learn it!  All I could think of was my failures, my sinfulness, the things I had done that I definitely should not have done.  Ashamed always, I would run to the altar, sure that God could not forgive me for what I did, but desperately hoping that He would.  I was reminded of Janie, and that book, as I read Colossians this morning.  Especially chapter 3.  After I had read her book, I didn't WANT to read Chapter 3 in Colossians!  (Now you have to go read it to understand somewhat the why I didn't want to read it! LOL)

I had a lot of anger within me. I had a lot of disappointment.  I had a lot of me that kept getting in the way of living the way I felt I should as a Christian.  Me still gets in the way a lot of times, but I'm still learning how to give it to God and let Him change me.  I definitely can not change on my own; I desperately need Him to change me.  I'm learning to be more patient. I'm learning when I need to assert myself and not be so passive.  For so many years I had to be the quiet one, the submissive one, because I thought that was what I was to be if I was a Christian.  I've learned that being submissive and assertive are two different things, and it is ok if done the right way.  I've tried hard to be what I thought I should be.  And I've learned that all I was to be was His, and allow Him to work in me.  It's not my choice on what needs to be changed in me; it is His choice to work on whatever area He chooses. And, yes, I still have lots that needs work on.

Digging through disappointment and the pain of disagreements has been difficult.  I know I share way too much on this blog, and yet, just writing it in here, and reading what I write, is helpful at times.  Many times I've had to go back and delete; go back and reword something, or just change it.  Many of my 'hard times' is my own fault.  When one doesn't know what they are capable of, they tend to step back and do nothing.  Some of you may feel that as well, and understand fully what that statement means.

Changing subjects, I enjoyed my morning with my friends at Needles of Hope yesterday.  My friend, Lori, brought a tub of 'end pieces' of yarn (meaning leftover from projects) and some sewing stuff that had been donated.  As usual, I let the others take what they want, then I take whatever is left home with me.  My baby blankets are usually of different colors so I just work them in different baby blankets.  Saves me going out to buy yarn that I really don't have a place for - or need.  My daughter gave me her yarn stash when she moved and it's still out in the garage.  Maybe that will be a project for this afternoon - if I remember it - and that is try to bring some organization to my yarn stash.  I have yarn here, there, and yonder.  

I probably should have visited Ms. Vicky yesterday evening, but I just didn't want to. Could it be because hubby kept telling me I should go see her?  He was watching the ball game (do you want to watch a movie? I'll turn this off.  Don't you need to go see Vicky?)  Don't tell me what to do!!  So I didn't go, and will probably 'need' to go for an hour this afternoon.  It's not that I mind going over, but it is boring after awhile; it's the same topics (HOA, her going to the pool, why don't I go to the pool with her...etc.) and after awhile, I'm just ready to leave.  I still have not see Ms. Diane now in months. And I feel bad. She's not that far away - 12 minutes, I think - but it's getting in the car and going.  I should.... and the guilt trips start.  sigh.

Philippians 2:12 (NKJV):  Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure.

Paul, in Philippians 2:12, does not say that we have to 'work out our own salvation'.  God has already worked to make our salvation possible.  Our role, as a Christian, is to work out what God has worked in by cultivating the characteristics of a godly life.  When we are faithful to strive to walk as Jesus walked, it allows us to shine as lights in the world.  The call to discipleship is costly at times.  We need to let go of the world, and grab hold of what Christ has for us, even when we don't understand what it is.

Even after 40+ years of following Jesus, after reading my bible over and over every year, diving deep into other books to understand the will of God, I still have so much to learn!  Lately I have learned more about the Sabbath and how important it is to step away from our phones, from some who distract us, step away from the TV and even our hobbies at times.  Honoring the Sabbath is more than taking a Saturday or Sunday to sit around and watch movies, taking naps, working on hobbies.  Honoring the Sabbath isn't just going to church one of those days.  Honoring the Sabbath is being with family and friends, putting aside those things that distract us during the week, and focus upon people, and focus upon the One who made us in His image.

That's one reason I love Sunday mornings.  I can spend more time reading my Bible, learning how I am to live for Him.  I can read other books that help me to make the right choices, see things a different way.  Sometimes I can be 'straight minded' in that I believe my way is the only way.... and yet, I can read a book that will give me another viewpoint that I may not have thought about.  The Bible always, always, rules, of course.  No matter what the world says, the Bible stands firm.  I base my faith on Jesus Christ and I stand on the Bible as my directions on how to live for Him alone.

Living for Jesus does have its perks.  But there is always conflict as the devil is always trying to speak into your ear that you 'don't have to do that' or 'what the Bible says, well, that was in the olden times and doesn't apply now'... or Satan will try to tell you that you are unforgiveable.  Trust me, he tells me that all the time.  But Jesus says, I am forgiven.  Jesus says I am redeemed.  Jesus says I am loved.  And if Jesus says it, then it is TRUE.  

Reminds me of the movie Overcomer by the Kendrick Brothers.  It's about a young girl who is a runner... and the coach 'just happens' to accidently find a man who used to be a runner when he went to the hospital to visit someone else.... and I'm not going to mess up the story.  But this young girl was asked the question "Who are you?".  At the time she couldn't answer.  But as she dove into her Bible, she discovered who she was, and her response is worth watching the movie.  I love it.  Maybe I can get hubby to watch it this afternoon.  Who are you?  More than anything else, more than life itself, I am His.

May the Lord bless you and keep you.  May He turn His face to you and look upon you.  May He grant you the pleasure of His company.  May He lift you up.  May He bring you healing in heart and body and mind.  May He bring you joy.

Blessings!

I get to run away for a little while today.

 Yes, today is Saturday and it's the FIRST Saturday of the month, therefore, it's Needles of Hope day!  Whoo hoo!  I will be leaving the house for a few hours and hang out with 'girl friends' who will come and we sit and knit or crochet and just catch up on life.  Some exchange patterns or talk about patterns (never me, I do my granny stitch or V stitch and that's good enough for now), and we sometimes get sandwiches from Panera and of course - Coffee.  Well, a couple will get tea, but....   See how I did that? I have nothing to share this morning of value and yet, I was able to fill up a few lines for you to roll your eyes at and go huh?  LOL

I thought about us going out for dinner last night for I didn't know what to fix... but then I found a package of 'my' spaghetti sauce in the freezer so dropped the package in cold water (for about 30 minutes to thaw) and started heating water to put spaghetti in.  Fixed a can of mixed veggies (throwing in the left over green beans from a couple nights ago) to go with it.  So we had spaghetti for dinner last night.  I couldn't believe that hubby asked me if it was Ragu sauce.  Uh, no.  It's MY sauce, which tastes so much better with all the spices and meat in it.  Really!  I had two helpings (ok, they were small!) because it really 'hit the spot' in the belly!  There is enough left over that hubby can have the rest for his lunch today. Although he will wait and see if I bring home lunch, which I usually do. Not today. I'll tell him to eat the leftover spaghetti and I'll fix a peanut butter and jelly sandwich when I home, if I'm hungry.  

An interesting conversation yesterday..... the other day hubby had given me a sheet of paper with some bills on it, how he paid them, and the date.  What I had asked him for, and I think I have mentioned it on here before, was a list of all the bills, how he received them (email or mail), how he paid them (online or check), and his email and password and the password for each account.  If I ever get to take over the bills, I will need this information.  Anyway, yesterday he comes by and says he'd like to talk with me this weekend and us go over the bills, and talk about retirement.  (say what?)  I just looked at him and said "Ok".  I've given up on retirement. Life would not change, just will get very tight.  The only difference is that I won't be sitting in front of the computer 5 days a week for a minimum of 8 hours a day.  I would be freed up to take him places, for sure.  In fact, I turned the conversation around and mentioned that if he would sell his car (our youngest is interested in buying it for his daughter and has told hubby so), he could keep the money, and we also would save not having to pay out insurance.  ABSOLUTELY NOT! he screamed at me.  So this conversation - if it really does happen - will be interesting, for you know that he will have to be in control of 'how it will be played out'.  He doesn't care about my retirement, I know that. Sure, he would like for me to, but he isn't willing to give up any of his pleasures so that I could.  Ok - that is my opinion.  And, enough on this subject. For now. Stay tuned if we have this conversation.  I've decided to work until I'm 80, as long as I can take off when I need to in order to take him to his appointments, and if we ever get him to give up his car, I will need to take him to his bible studies. Which I can do now....

I've already started getting birthday 'gifts' from vendors.  Yeah - it's August so Kohls sent me $5 gift certificate; First Watch sent something but I didn't open it. I guess that is all that was in my emails thus far.  I will get from all kinds of places - and may use only a couple.  I'm not like 'some people' who have to go to every place they get a certificate from. You know who you are!  LOL  I know I'll get from the cake place... forget the name of it - everything bundt?  Two years ago I went to get my 'free' bundt cake, and ended up buying a dozen more!  Yeah, the gift card is a draw, for sure!  

I get to celebrate most of the month as I have a birthday, and we have an anniversary (44 years) this month.  In eleven days we will be heading up north; I have 3 days off work and we will head to a cabin up aways. Not directly north... but where the air is cleaner (I hope) and cooler.  Looking forward to having lots of time to read and relax.   Will probably 'have' to stop by White Castle on the way back as we go through Scottsdale.... usually get at least one case and then put in bags and in the freezer for times we want something quick. Which reminds me, I think I still have one bag in the freezer; maybe I will pull those out for later - if I don't forget!

A long, long time ago my brother had two SC's. (cars).  One red convertible with white interior, one red convertible with black interior.  He ended up selling one a few years or so back.  He had said one was for me, one for my sister, but when they had a falling out, he sold 'hers'.  I've gotten to drive 'mine' and have a photo of me in it, one year when we were back there.  We have joked back and forth about it for years. Do I really expect to get it?  No. But it's fun to joke about it.  Then he tells me not long ago, after he sends me a photo of his granddaughter in the car (she's 10 now I think) and said she offered him $2 when she turned 16 to get the car.  I had competition.  I told him his granddaughter comes first.  Well, the other night he was talking about needing to empty that stall in his garage for he has bought a new Lexus, and is also ordering a Lexus convertible (red, of course, with white interior).... so he commented he will need to drive it out here for me.  Not sure if he was still joking about that or not.  I reminded him his granddaughter had offered him $2 for it; but I would go $3.... he asked if I'd go $4 and I said yes, but that was my limit.  I also told him October would be the best time to bring it out.... maybe the weather will cool down so the convertible top can be put down.  

But, with hubby refusing to sell his car, we don't have room for the car - and you know hubby won't put HIS car outside!  So I'm going to start the 'tease' again and tell my brother that he needs to figure it out and hang on to it for another year or so.  Not that I really expect to get it; but it's been 'my' car for a lot of years.  He lets me know when he puts new tires on it, gets it worked on, etc.  It looks brand-new.  His neighbor AND now his son both want to buy it as well.  It's been fun to joke with him, but a convertible out here in this heat?  Where would I go?  I'd be terrified someone would scratch my car!  The car I have now, which I love, has been my bestest and most favorite cars of all I've had.  Well, other than my black Oldsmobile Cutlass I had back in 1982!  Will see how this plays out.

Wow. I've done a lot of rambling about nothing this morning, haven't I?!  

The pain in my legs has been gone for a few weeks.... but about 2-3a this morning, they started screaming at me again.  It's hard to know what to do as no one can visibly 'see' what is going on inside my leg.  They will have to do 'pictures' to look at the bone, but even then, what can they really see? Would I need to have a bone marrow biopsy done?  And all this comes from the bug bites I got about 3-4 years ago.  Which that area still hurts occasionally.  No one did anything then; just treated the symptom of the pain from the bites.  No one would listen to what I was telling them.  So now what?

I've gone to God (again) with the pain and have told Him that I do not have a Plan B.  I've asked Him to heal my legs and remove the pain.  Tell me what to do.  Do I go to a specialist and have them work on me? Is that in His plan, to use a specialist?  What I want is my Plan A - which is for God to reach down and heal me. Period. Done and done.  But He hasn't.  Yet.  So again I am seeking Him and asking what I am to do - continue to wait, continue to seek His hand of healing, or go to a specialist to work through Him to heal my legs....  I see Dr. Mark in September so will bring it up at my physical if God hasn't healed me by His hand.  God is my Plan A.  I don't want to depend on anyone else.  Unless He sends me to Plan B.  Praying and waiting.  

Psalm 119:114 (NKJV):  You are my hiding place and my shield; I hope in Your Word.

I know that when life is hard, and I have many struggles, there is one place that I can always run to.  God's Word.  His Word refreshes me; His Word corrects me.  His Word sustains me; His Word guides me.  I know that no matter what, I can depend on Him.  Whether life goes my way or another. Whether He answers my prayers or not.  I know that I can completely trust in His faithfulness, His goodness, His love.  I may not get healed from this pain, but I know that in the pain, He holds my hand. 

And that is enough.  He will never forsake me, nor leave me alone.  He will walk with me all the days of my life, however long they are.  Thank you Jesus.  Your Word confirms it.

Wishing you a day of walking with Jesus... tell Him about your struggles.  He will answer by and by.  (yeah, 'Just a little walk with Jesus' song came to mind)   He will make it right.

Blessings!

Staying humble

 You know that you messed up when it's the President's  PowerPoint presentation that is up - and whatever you did (that you have no clue what you did) and the entire presentation disappears from the screen.  And you are the one sharing your screen.  Yep.  Happened once with the President's slides, and then with our finance guy's presentation during the board meetings.  Talk about being nervous and trying to 1) figure out what you did that caused it to disappear (I still have no idea) and 2) trying to be calm enough to FIND the presentation again in  your files while everyone is watching your screen and wondering what is going on.  Dang - I was a mess by the time the board meeting was over!   I had even prayed that the presentation would go smooth and there would be no mishaps!  That darn devil has to push that button, doesn't he!  Although it could also have been human error..... just saying.

Wow - that is weird.  I just heard a knocking noise, but when I got up to go peek to see who would be at the door at 6:40a, no one was there; no one is at the back door.  Where did the knocking come from?  That was really weird. The cameras don't show any movement either.  (and the dododododo music starts, right?)

So glad it is Friday.  I don't have much on my calendar for today so hopefully will be motivated to get the board minutes done and out of the way; and work on the deck for the 6a board meeting for another board next Thursday morning.   After that, the next board meeting would be in September, followed up by two in November and one more in December ..... which reminds me, I need to start soon to get the meetings on the calendar for next year.  

Sue is down to one month to retire.  Today would have been here last day - and yesterday I saw a calendar note I had put there months ago on her calendar that said "Please don't leave me!!"  LOL  I started to take it off, but didn't. Know she will get a laugh out of it.  I need to do it again for August 31st.  I sure will miss my friend being 'close by'.  But we can still text!  At least her interim person I already know and like.  Only she talks twice as fast as Sue does.  I saw her resume come through yesterday (along with two others) for our Administrator to review.  It is getting real.  Got to work on her retirement gift over the weekend; we meet up next Wednesday for our 'last' breakfast as 'Admin meeting'.  I thought about mentioning the meeting with the interim, but.... she lives in Chandler.  It would be further for her to drive... and I think I will just leave it where it is.  Done and done.  Memories made.  And Sue and I plan to meet up on a Saturday morning occasionally - same place. 

I had an 'aha' moment last night, sorta.  Hubby and I went out to dinner (he always says he knows I'm tired and ... haha!) as he wanted his steak at Denny's (which he says is very good) and I got a cobb salad with grilled chicken.  (My oldest son 'caught' us being out!)  After we came home, hubby actually left the TV off (after all, he did watch TV all afternoon and then the news) and we read.  My 'aha' moment?

The book I'm reading is "God, where are You?" by John Bevere.  I think that is the title, anyway.  But in it he said he was always praying (this book was written years ago) "use me, Lord, to heal others"; "use me, Lord, to make a difference"..... and other 'use me, Lord' prayers.  And I thought that those would be pretty good prayers.  But he said that God told him that he was praying wrong.  He was praying pridefully, in that although he was wanting God to use him, he was getting the glory from it, He was being prideful that he (John) wanted to be used (is this a 'pick me pick me' situation?).  Now I have prayed that before.  I don't know how John ended his requests, but I always ask God to use me, so that He can get the glory.  Don't let me fail Him.  Let me promote Him.  I had to think on that a bit.  When I share a message, I always (try) to give God the praise I get publicly..... and I always give Him the praise privately.  Does that make sense?  I think we all want to be used by God in some respect.  But are we asking for Him to use us so that we will be honored?  Or that God will be glorified?  Something, perhaps, to think about.

Ok - had to stop and jump on the work computer.  Maybe, some day, I will be able to just chill and write as long as I want to.... there I go again, dreaming of 'that day'.... which may never come.  Oh well.  I need to just 'get over myself'.  Right?  But - it does give me something to talk about!  LOL

I have Needles of Hope in the morning at Panera as Metro..... looking forward to hanging out with friends for a couple hours as we didn't meet in July since it was July 4th.  I have a stack of baby blankets to take in and donate.  I always go through them first and the ones I really like, I keep.  Why?  Because I have great-grandchildren and years down the road, I will have great-great grandchildren.... and I will have blankets for them when I am no longer here. My mama gave me 3 baby blankets before she died, to pass on down the line.  Hailey got one she made as she was a granddaughter born last.  Then one went to our little great granddaughter who is 'down south', and the other went to our little great-granddaughter who lives a little bit south of us.  I'm glad I learned how to crochet, albeit the same granny stitch pattern, so that each of my grandchildren and great grandchildren have something that I made, whether an afghan or a blanket - and all should also have baby quilts, and twin size quilts.  I don't think my fingers could make those anymore.  But I did enjoy it.

Going to cut this short today; my mind is on things I need to get done for work.  Have an amazing day and do something fun!  Stop and 'smell the roses'.  (buy one for your honey!)

Blessings!

Ding Ding Ding Ding

 At the first ding on my phone I thought perhaps it was my son leaving ... I usually get a notification of that.  I just haven't turned it off; ok, I haven't looked to figure out how.  Anyway, it isn't him.  It is the lawnmower of the landscaper running back and forth in the community part - and every time he passes our patio, my phone has dinged.  Why?  We had cameras put up a month or more ago. I originally bought the cameras because I wanted to capture the quail hatching in my flower pot.  Silly me.  They didn't get put up until 1) too late to send back; 2) my son-in-law got here to do it.  I didn't buy the subscription and the trial has run out so am not sure what I will be seeing, but for today, it was the lawnmower.  In our area, in fact, behind Ms. Diane's house - which is still on the market and to my knowledge, no one has been over to look at it - a neighbor found a homeless man sleeping on her back patio!  So we have decided to start putting our outside lights on in the back and side.  The front has a light that comes on whenever anyone comes in.  And I should be able to get on camera as well... but... again, I don't have the subscription so don't know.  Anyway - this gave me something to start off with, right?

I have a board meeting today.  Had a prep for another upcoming board meeting yesterday.  I wish I knew what the company is going to do with their 'reorganization'.  Sue doesn't think it will affect me, and it may not.  But I would be happy to relinquish the boards.  But then, what else would I have to gripe about?  Or do? LOL  Maybe I'm just 'afraid' they will give me tasks to do that 'get me out' and want to leave?  Or not. LOL Am I dreaming too much?  I have told Sue I'd love for them to offer me a severance package - I'd take it!!  But I've only been there 9 years in September so do not expect one to be much.  But then, it isn't so bad working.  I just shake my head anymore.  Of my siblings, I am the only one who works.  And I guess that isn't a bad thing, right?  It means I am healthy and alert enough to work, right?

I actually cooked a good dinner last night - herbed baked chicken, beets, green beans - and for an ending, yogurt with pumpkin seeds in it.  Filled me up!  Not sure what I'll fix tonight. I'm trying to use up 'stuff' I've had in the freezer for awhile.   I got a new cookbook yesterday and I need to go out to the mailbox and get it.  But I got another new one the other day.  It's the Taste of Home 'Cooking School' and it has lots of recipes in it.  I love the Taste of Home cookbooks for they are all simple recipes (at least in the books I have) and easy to put together.  I've used several of them over the years.  Always yummy. And even I can make them! LOL Just happened to remember when one of my granddaughters, before she was married, told me about fixing orange chicken for her fiancé.  I thought to myself then, "wow, she made orange chicken!' and it was something I hadn't dared to even try!  Now I try a lot of things!

Can you tell I'm grasping at things to share this morning?  I didn't get a good night of sleep.  But by 8:15p I couldn't keep my eyes open as I read so was in bed by 8:30p - which is nothing unusual.  But, I was wide awake before midnight and struggled to fall back to sleep.  Then it was one something, then dozed off and on, finally getting up about 3:50a, I think it was. Tried to sleep in here, but finally gave up. Not sure what was going on last night, but it may be a 'long' day today, needing to stay awake!

My bible reading today was finishing up Ephesians.  I am reading through the New Testament again during the week and will get to start on one of my favorite NT books - Philippians - tomorrow.  Now I read because I love to read the Word of God, but I do have some that are favorites.  James is another one.  John is another.  Well, I guess Matthew is too. Then there is.... LOL  Yeah, I love reading the New Testament because each book teaches me something I have forgotten, or a new thought will be revealed to me.  I've read these books over and over for the past 43 years or so.... you'd think I'd know them by heart.  But God likes to reveal a little bit to me at a time.  He knows my little pea-brain just can't absorb it all at once.  Ephesians is about putting on the armor of God.  It's also about how a man should treat his wife. And the wife the husband.  But Philippians, it's the book of JOY.  Why is that?  It's unique in that when Paul wanted us to have joy, he was sitting in a prison.  Could you write a book about joy if you were sitting in a prison?  Not so sure I could!

We Christians are engaged in a spiritual battle against two opposing kingdoms.  We must put on the full armor of God as it says in Ephesians 6.  We get six things to equip our self with.  

1) the belt of truth.  Victory in spiritual warfare starts with truth.  

2) The breastplate of righteousness.  This piece guarded the heart.  Righteousness protects the spiritual life of the Christian.  Our righteousness doesn't come from ourselves, but from Jesus.

3) Shoes for your feet - which is the gospel of peace.  Roman soldiers had heavy armored sandals that gave him traction and security in battle.  So our peace with God through Jesus gives us security in the face of Satan's accusations.

4) The shield of faith.  The soldier's shield was leather-covered and was often soaked in water to extinguish the flaming arrows of the enemy. (no guns then, remember?)  Faith in God's promises deflects and extinguishes the lies of Satan.

5) The helmet of salvation.  The helmet the soldiers wore was armored to protect the brain.  The primary battlefield for a Christian is his mind, assurance of salvation defeats the doubts and accusations that Satan throws at us.

6) The sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.  This is our only offensive weapon, if you notice.  The sword.  And for us Christians, the sword is the Word of God.

Gratefully, our spiritual armor is to be used in a war that has already been won.  Jesus won the battle for us when He went to Calvary and died on the cross.  It is said of Napoleon Bonaparte that as he attempted to conquer all the nations of the known world, he spread out a map on a table and pointed to s specific place, and then said to his lieutenants, "if it weren't for that red spot, I could conquer the world".  The spot he referred to was the British Isles, the nation that met Napoleon at Waterloo in Belgium - and who defeated him with a group of nations.  

Think of it this way..... can you not just see Satan telling his minions that he could conquer the world, if it wasn't for 'that one red spot'..... and that is the hilltop of Calvary where Jesus' blood was shed.  But that red spot is what makes all the difference in our spiritual battle.  We don't have to fear the devil and what havoc he can throw at us.  We need enter only the spiritual battle that we have been called, and know that we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us enough to die for us.

You can read all about the armor of God for you in Ephesians 6.  You can read about being more than a conqueror in Romans 8:37.  Yeah, I borrowed information from Dr. David Jeremiah in my study bible.  Sometimes it helps it sink in when we type it out, write it out, and believe it.

Wishing you a day full of joy and happiness.  Let's all pause and choose to look at life more differently than others.  Tough times come and go.... but our joy in the Lord lasts forever.

Blessings!

I'm just going to pretend....

 for awhile anyway.  At Sue's retirement party yesterday I was asked numerous times when I was going to retire.  I would just laugh and say "when I die or can't work anymore or 3 more years when I turn 80".  They asked how it will be for me when Sue retires... and I could only respond, "I'm pretending that she is going on a vacation.... that keeps getting extended. After awhile, the reality she will not be at my beck and call Monday - Friday will sink in."  LOL  I'm just kidding around with them.  Sue and I do not talk every day since we aren't in the office together, but we do talk frequently.  And once she is 'done' with work, I won't contact her about work anymore.  I just won't.  Do I really want to retire?  In a way, to be honest about it. But as I've mentioned many times over the past year or so - what would I do if I was retired?  I would lose more than I would gain.  I would have to get a part time job.... so why not keep working as long as I can so that I can keep the mind active, have specific tasks to complete, and get gifts on admin professional day, my birthday, and Christmas?  LOL  Just kidding.  I often think about what I would do if retirement was a possibility... and I will talk about retirement, and whine about not doing it... for a time to come.  Besides, it gives me something to write in here, right?

The retirement party went well; about 50 or so people came. I took lots of photos and sent them to Sue afterwards so that I could clear my phone.  Can you believe this?  I baked scones.  My pumpkin scones. And I got lots of compliments on them.  But I was the only one who baked.  Everyone else brought muffins, scones, other pastries - all store bought!!  we also had iced coffee (in containers from Sprouts; going to check those out) and juice.  She received several bags of gifts, but I don't know what she got as she just took them home.  I know I overbought supplies, so I get to return about $55 worth to Amazon because I didn't use those.  And, I get to expense the other supplies I purchased from Sams Club and get reimbursed.  I got to see people - some I haven't seen since before covid - and got a lot of hugs and got to talk with a lot of people.  I was on my feet the entire time and I tell you what!  By the time I got home, I was tired!  All in all, it was nice and Sue was happy, although she still will be working through August 31st.   In God's timing, my time will come.  Sue says "when the time comes for you to retire, you will know it is time."  Her husband wasn't on board in the beginning either (he retired 18 years ago, selling his business, but he is her age). They have managed their money well over the years so after the remodeling in their bathrooms this week - their entire house will be remodeled - just like having a new home without having to change addresses.   Enough of the party!

Today won't be too busy, got to make sure the PowerPoint deck is ready and complete to send out to board members today.  One of the doctors who submits slides told me yesterday that she would try to get hers in today.  Then I was confused at first - I was thinking the board meeting was next week - and it isn't!  It's Thursday THIS week!  I was focused on the party and forgot the board meeting.  The deck must go out today to the board members so I will be looking at it first thing this morning.

Ephesians 4:31-32 (NKJV):  Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.  Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

As I was reading in my bible this morning, several versus in Ephesians jumped out at me.  Why did I choose this specific one?  Because it reminds me of the bitterness I carried within me for years because of disappointment.  No one would know I was bitter.  They could probably see how I was angry, but bitterness?  Me?  Naw, I'm good!  Until one day I was reading a book.... don't even remember what book.... and it talked about disappointment becoming bitterness.  And I recognized that trait in myself.  Then I became disappointed in myself, because I had taken on bitterness, a trait that as a Christian, I shouldn't have.  Does that make sense?

It wasn't that I didn't get my way.  It was more that I was so disappointed in someone that bitterness took root within me and I tell you - it was awful!  I prayed about that bitterness time and time again, that it would be removed from me, and replaced with love.  I would have to tell myself many times over "I forgive xxxxxx" and "I love xxxxxxxx" (don't count the x's to figure it out, I didn't put the exact number down!).  

I had to learn to take my disappointment in others to God and ask Him to deal with them.  In my anger, I was not able to be truly kind. Definitely not tenderhearted. And I didn't want to forgive. I wanted to bring it to light time and again - (although I did not) - and I wanted to punish them.  They 'ruined' my life - don't they deserve the punishment I feel they do?  I couldn't talk to them about my bitterness and anger for they wouldn't have understood.  But it was - and sometimes still is - real.  Life could have been so much different for everyone if I ....  well, let's leave that there.... but trust me, I had to do a lot of praying, a lot of talking with God about my disappointment and anger ... for me to get over it.  And in reading this verse this morning, I realize I no longer hold in bitterness and anger.  It hasn't done me any good for years of holding it it... but it is refreshing to know that I no longer hold anger and bitterness for this individual.  I can't change the past.  But I can change how I face the future.

By the way, Disappointment - change the D to H - and it becomes His appointment.  Sometimes God allows situations and things in our lives in order to grow us in some areas.  Growing is hard, and many times it is painful, especially when we don't see what it is that we are to learn.   I know I am still growing, and yes, it is painful in some areas, but I know that God is good and I know that He has only the best planned for my future.  

I may not understand the path I am on; I may disagree with how life deals its blows, but one thing I do know.  Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.  No matter what we go through in this life, let's look at it as a learning situation, no matter how painful, and grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

I Peter 5:7   Cast all your cares on Him, for He cares for you.

May your day be full of amazing wonder as God reveals Himself to you in the things we take for granted.  Watch for Him, you will see His hand.

Blessings!