Staying humble

 You know that you messed up when it's the President's  PowerPoint presentation that is up - and whatever you did (that you have no clue what you did) and the entire presentation disappears from the screen.  And you are the one sharing your screen.  Yep.  Happened once with the President's slides, and then with our finance guy's presentation during the board meetings.  Talk about being nervous and trying to 1) figure out what you did that caused it to disappear (I still have no idea) and 2) trying to be calm enough to FIND the presentation again in  your files while everyone is watching your screen and wondering what is going on.  Dang - I was a mess by the time the board meeting was over!   I had even prayed that the presentation would go smooth and there would be no mishaps!  That darn devil has to push that button, doesn't he!  Although it could also have been human error..... just saying.

Wow - that is weird.  I just heard a knocking noise, but when I got up to go peek to see who would be at the door at 6:40a, no one was there; no one is at the back door.  Where did the knocking come from?  That was really weird. The cameras don't show any movement either.  (and the dododododo music starts, right?)

So glad it is Friday.  I don't have much on my calendar for today so hopefully will be motivated to get the board minutes done and out of the way; and work on the deck for the 6a board meeting for another board next Thursday morning.   After that, the next board meeting would be in September, followed up by two in November and one more in December ..... which reminds me, I need to start soon to get the meetings on the calendar for next year.  

Sue is down to one month to retire.  Today would have been here last day - and yesterday I saw a calendar note I had put there months ago on her calendar that said "Please don't leave me!!"  LOL  I started to take it off, but didn't. Know she will get a laugh out of it.  I need to do it again for August 31st.  I sure will miss my friend being 'close by'.  But we can still text!  At least her interim person I already know and like.  Only she talks twice as fast as Sue does.  I saw her resume come through yesterday (along with two others) for our Administrator to review.  It is getting real.  Got to work on her retirement gift over the weekend; we meet up next Wednesday for our 'last' breakfast as 'Admin meeting'.  I thought about mentioning the meeting with the interim, but.... she lives in Chandler.  It would be further for her to drive... and I think I will just leave it where it is.  Done and done.  Memories made.  And Sue and I plan to meet up on a Saturday morning occasionally - same place. 

I had an 'aha' moment last night, sorta.  Hubby and I went out to dinner (he always says he knows I'm tired and ... haha!) as he wanted his steak at Denny's (which he says is very good) and I got a cobb salad with grilled chicken.  (My oldest son 'caught' us being out!)  After we came home, hubby actually left the TV off (after all, he did watch TV all afternoon and then the news) and we read.  My 'aha' moment?

The book I'm reading is "God, where are You?" by John Bevere.  I think that is the title, anyway.  But in it he said he was always praying (this book was written years ago) "use me, Lord, to heal others"; "use me, Lord, to make a difference"..... and other 'use me, Lord' prayers.  And I thought that those would be pretty good prayers.  But he said that God told him that he was praying wrong.  He was praying pridefully, in that although he was wanting God to use him, he was getting the glory from it, He was being prideful that he (John) wanted to be used (is this a 'pick me pick me' situation?).  Now I have prayed that before.  I don't know how John ended his requests, but I always ask God to use me, so that He can get the glory.  Don't let me fail Him.  Let me promote Him.  I had to think on that a bit.  When I share a message, I always (try) to give God the praise I get publicly..... and I always give Him the praise privately.  Does that make sense?  I think we all want to be used by God in some respect.  But are we asking for Him to use us so that we will be honored?  Or that God will be glorified?  Something, perhaps, to think about.

Ok - had to stop and jump on the work computer.  Maybe, some day, I will be able to just chill and write as long as I want to.... there I go again, dreaming of 'that day'.... which may never come.  Oh well.  I need to just 'get over myself'.  Right?  But - it does give me something to talk about!  LOL

I have Needles of Hope in the morning at Panera as Metro..... looking forward to hanging out with friends for a couple hours as we didn't meet in July since it was July 4th.  I have a stack of baby blankets to take in and donate.  I always go through them first and the ones I really like, I keep.  Why?  Because I have great-grandchildren and years down the road, I will have great-great grandchildren.... and I will have blankets for them when I am no longer here. My mama gave me 3 baby blankets before she died, to pass on down the line.  Hailey got one she made as she was a granddaughter born last.  Then one went to our little great granddaughter who is 'down south', and the other went to our little great-granddaughter who lives a little bit south of us.  I'm glad I learned how to crochet, albeit the same granny stitch pattern, so that each of my grandchildren and great grandchildren have something that I made, whether an afghan or a blanket - and all should also have baby quilts, and twin size quilts.  I don't think my fingers could make those anymore.  But I did enjoy it.

Going to cut this short today; my mind is on things I need to get done for work.  Have an amazing day and do something fun!  Stop and 'smell the roses'.  (buy one for your honey!)

Blessings!

Ding Ding Ding Ding

 At the first ding on my phone I thought perhaps it was my son leaving ... I usually get a notification of that.  I just haven't turned it off; ok, I haven't looked to figure out how.  Anyway, it isn't him.  It is the lawnmower of the landscaper running back and forth in the community part - and every time he passes our patio, my phone has dinged.  Why?  We had cameras put up a month or more ago. I originally bought the cameras because I wanted to capture the quail hatching in my flower pot.  Silly me.  They didn't get put up until 1) too late to send back; 2) my son-in-law got here to do it.  I didn't buy the subscription and the trial has run out so am not sure what I will be seeing, but for today, it was the lawnmower.  In our area, in fact, behind Ms. Diane's house - which is still on the market and to my knowledge, no one has been over to look at it - a neighbor found a homeless man sleeping on her back patio!  So we have decided to start putting our outside lights on in the back and side.  The front has a light that comes on whenever anyone comes in.  And I should be able to get on camera as well... but... again, I don't have the subscription so don't know.  Anyway - this gave me something to start off with, right?

I have a board meeting today.  Had a prep for another upcoming board meeting yesterday.  I wish I knew what the company is going to do with their 'reorganization'.  Sue doesn't think it will affect me, and it may not.  But I would be happy to relinquish the boards.  But then, what else would I have to gripe about?  Or do? LOL  Maybe I'm just 'afraid' they will give me tasks to do that 'get me out' and want to leave?  Or not. LOL Am I dreaming too much?  I have told Sue I'd love for them to offer me a severance package - I'd take it!!  But I've only been there 9 years in September so do not expect one to be much.  But then, it isn't so bad working.  I just shake my head anymore.  Of my siblings, I am the only one who works.  And I guess that isn't a bad thing, right?  It means I am healthy and alert enough to work, right?

I actually cooked a good dinner last night - herbed baked chicken, beets, green beans - and for an ending, yogurt with pumpkin seeds in it.  Filled me up!  Not sure what I'll fix tonight. I'm trying to use up 'stuff' I've had in the freezer for awhile.   I got a new cookbook yesterday and I need to go out to the mailbox and get it.  But I got another new one the other day.  It's the Taste of Home 'Cooking School' and it has lots of recipes in it.  I love the Taste of Home cookbooks for they are all simple recipes (at least in the books I have) and easy to put together.  I've used several of them over the years.  Always yummy. And even I can make them! LOL Just happened to remember when one of my granddaughters, before she was married, told me about fixing orange chicken for her fiancé.  I thought to myself then, "wow, she made orange chicken!' and it was something I hadn't dared to even try!  Now I try a lot of things!

Can you tell I'm grasping at things to share this morning?  I didn't get a good night of sleep.  But by 8:15p I couldn't keep my eyes open as I read so was in bed by 8:30p - which is nothing unusual.  But, I was wide awake before midnight and struggled to fall back to sleep.  Then it was one something, then dozed off and on, finally getting up about 3:50a, I think it was. Tried to sleep in here, but finally gave up. Not sure what was going on last night, but it may be a 'long' day today, needing to stay awake!

My bible reading today was finishing up Ephesians.  I am reading through the New Testament again during the week and will get to start on one of my favorite NT books - Philippians - tomorrow.  Now I read because I love to read the Word of God, but I do have some that are favorites.  James is another one.  John is another.  Well, I guess Matthew is too. Then there is.... LOL  Yeah, I love reading the New Testament because each book teaches me something I have forgotten, or a new thought will be revealed to me.  I've read these books over and over for the past 43 years or so.... you'd think I'd know them by heart.  But God likes to reveal a little bit to me at a time.  He knows my little pea-brain just can't absorb it all at once.  Ephesians is about putting on the armor of God.  It's also about how a man should treat his wife. And the wife the husband.  But Philippians, it's the book of JOY.  Why is that?  It's unique in that when Paul wanted us to have joy, he was sitting in a prison.  Could you write a book about joy if you were sitting in a prison?  Not so sure I could!

We Christians are engaged in a spiritual battle against two opposing kingdoms.  We must put on the full armor of God as it says in Ephesians 6.  We get six things to equip our self with.  

1) the belt of truth.  Victory in spiritual warfare starts with truth.  

2) The breastplate of righteousness.  This piece guarded the heart.  Righteousness protects the spiritual life of the Christian.  Our righteousness doesn't come from ourselves, but from Jesus.

3) Shoes for your feet - which is the gospel of peace.  Roman soldiers had heavy armored sandals that gave him traction and security in battle.  So our peace with God through Jesus gives us security in the face of Satan's accusations.

4) The shield of faith.  The soldier's shield was leather-covered and was often soaked in water to extinguish the flaming arrows of the enemy. (no guns then, remember?)  Faith in God's promises deflects and extinguishes the lies of Satan.

5) The helmet of salvation.  The helmet the soldiers wore was armored to protect the brain.  The primary battlefield for a Christian is his mind, assurance of salvation defeats the doubts and accusations that Satan throws at us.

6) The sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.  This is our only offensive weapon, if you notice.  The sword.  And for us Christians, the sword is the Word of God.

Gratefully, our spiritual armor is to be used in a war that has already been won.  Jesus won the battle for us when He went to Calvary and died on the cross.  It is said of Napoleon Bonaparte that as he attempted to conquer all the nations of the known world, he spread out a map on a table and pointed to s specific place, and then said to his lieutenants, "if it weren't for that red spot, I could conquer the world".  The spot he referred to was the British Isles, the nation that met Napoleon at Waterloo in Belgium - and who defeated him with a group of nations.  

Think of it this way..... can you not just see Satan telling his minions that he could conquer the world, if it wasn't for 'that one red spot'..... and that is the hilltop of Calvary where Jesus' blood was shed.  But that red spot is what makes all the difference in our spiritual battle.  We don't have to fear the devil and what havoc he can throw at us.  We need enter only the spiritual battle that we have been called, and know that we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us enough to die for us.

You can read all about the armor of God for you in Ephesians 6.  You can read about being more than a conqueror in Romans 8:37.  Yeah, I borrowed information from Dr. David Jeremiah in my study bible.  Sometimes it helps it sink in when we type it out, write it out, and believe it.

Wishing you a day full of joy and happiness.  Let's all pause and choose to look at life more differently than others.  Tough times come and go.... but our joy in the Lord lasts forever.

Blessings!

I'm just going to pretend....

 for awhile anyway.  At Sue's retirement party yesterday I was asked numerous times when I was going to retire.  I would just laugh and say "when I die or can't work anymore or 3 more years when I turn 80".  They asked how it will be for me when Sue retires... and I could only respond, "I'm pretending that she is going on a vacation.... that keeps getting extended. After awhile, the reality she will not be at my beck and call Monday - Friday will sink in."  LOL  I'm just kidding around with them.  Sue and I do not talk every day since we aren't in the office together, but we do talk frequently.  And once she is 'done' with work, I won't contact her about work anymore.  I just won't.  Do I really want to retire?  In a way, to be honest about it. But as I've mentioned many times over the past year or so - what would I do if I was retired?  I would lose more than I would gain.  I would have to get a part time job.... so why not keep working as long as I can so that I can keep the mind active, have specific tasks to complete, and get gifts on admin professional day, my birthday, and Christmas?  LOL  Just kidding.  I often think about what I would do if retirement was a possibility... and I will talk about retirement, and whine about not doing it... for a time to come.  Besides, it gives me something to write in here, right?

The retirement party went well; about 50 or so people came. I took lots of photos and sent them to Sue afterwards so that I could clear my phone.  Can you believe this?  I baked scones.  My pumpkin scones. And I got lots of compliments on them.  But I was the only one who baked.  Everyone else brought muffins, scones, other pastries - all store bought!!  we also had iced coffee (in containers from Sprouts; going to check those out) and juice.  She received several bags of gifts, but I don't know what she got as she just took them home.  I know I overbought supplies, so I get to return about $55 worth to Amazon because I didn't use those.  And, I get to expense the other supplies I purchased from Sams Club and get reimbursed.  I got to see people - some I haven't seen since before covid - and got a lot of hugs and got to talk with a lot of people.  I was on my feet the entire time and I tell you what!  By the time I got home, I was tired!  All in all, it was nice and Sue was happy, although she still will be working through August 31st.   In God's timing, my time will come.  Sue says "when the time comes for you to retire, you will know it is time."  Her husband wasn't on board in the beginning either (he retired 18 years ago, selling his business, but he is her age). They have managed their money well over the years so after the remodeling in their bathrooms this week - their entire house will be remodeled - just like having a new home without having to change addresses.   Enough of the party!

Today won't be too busy, got to make sure the PowerPoint deck is ready and complete to send out to board members today.  One of the doctors who submits slides told me yesterday that she would try to get hers in today.  Then I was confused at first - I was thinking the board meeting was next week - and it isn't!  It's Thursday THIS week!  I was focused on the party and forgot the board meeting.  The deck must go out today to the board members so I will be looking at it first thing this morning.

Ephesians 4:31-32 (NKJV):  Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.  Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

As I was reading in my bible this morning, several versus in Ephesians jumped out at me.  Why did I choose this specific one?  Because it reminds me of the bitterness I carried within me for years because of disappointment.  No one would know I was bitter.  They could probably see how I was angry, but bitterness?  Me?  Naw, I'm good!  Until one day I was reading a book.... don't even remember what book.... and it talked about disappointment becoming bitterness.  And I recognized that trait in myself.  Then I became disappointed in myself, because I had taken on bitterness, a trait that as a Christian, I shouldn't have.  Does that make sense?

It wasn't that I didn't get my way.  It was more that I was so disappointed in someone that bitterness took root within me and I tell you - it was awful!  I prayed about that bitterness time and time again, that it would be removed from me, and replaced with love.  I would have to tell myself many times over "I forgive xxxxxx" and "I love xxxxxxxx" (don't count the x's to figure it out, I didn't put the exact number down!).  

I had to learn to take my disappointment in others to God and ask Him to deal with them.  In my anger, I was not able to be truly kind. Definitely not tenderhearted. And I didn't want to forgive. I wanted to bring it to light time and again - (although I did not) - and I wanted to punish them.  They 'ruined' my life - don't they deserve the punishment I feel they do?  I couldn't talk to them about my bitterness and anger for they wouldn't have understood.  But it was - and sometimes still is - real.  Life could have been so much different for everyone if I ....  well, let's leave that there.... but trust me, I had to do a lot of praying, a lot of talking with God about my disappointment and anger ... for me to get over it.  And in reading this verse this morning, I realize I no longer hold in bitterness and anger.  It hasn't done me any good for years of holding it it... but it is refreshing to know that I no longer hold anger and bitterness for this individual.  I can't change the past.  But I can change how I face the future.

By the way, Disappointment - change the D to H - and it becomes His appointment.  Sometimes God allows situations and things in our lives in order to grow us in some areas.  Growing is hard, and many times it is painful, especially when we don't see what it is that we are to learn.   I know I am still growing, and yes, it is painful in some areas, but I know that God is good and I know that He has only the best planned for my future.  

I may not understand the path I am on; I may disagree with how life deals its blows, but one thing I do know.  Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.  No matter what we go through in this life, let's look at it as a learning situation, no matter how painful, and grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

I Peter 5:7   Cast all your cares on Him, for He cares for you.

May your day be full of amazing wonder as God reveals Himself to you in the things we take for granted.  Watch for Him, you will see His hand.

Blessings!

A busy day coming!

 I awoke at 4a this morning with a longing desire to turn over and go back to sleep.  I still had 7 hours of sleep, and yet, I was wanting more. But not today!  I have a bunch of things to complete and then get on the road about 7:30-8a.  Going to love the traffic enroute to Mesa, I'm sure.  After training with Morgan yesterday, I did make it to Sam's Club and I did get one batch of scones made last night.  I wanted to make another batch, but I was so tired that I 'gave it up'.  I did purchase 3 containers of scones while at Sam's Club so that is my justification in only making one batch.  Not that I need one.  

We saw hubby's cancer doctor yesterday.  Tests show his PSA is going up (from .14 to .18) but it's still going up so the doctor wants to put him on an additional med, a tablet, to take daily along with the monthly Lupron shot.  I don't want hubby to die, nor suffer here in his latter years, but come on - he's 89 years old.... he will not die of prostrate cancer.  Why add medication when he isn't in any pain nor notices anything different?  Oh well - all in all... hubby is doing well; his bone density test showed that his bones are 'above normal' so the cancer has not spread.  Wish my bones would be as strong!

It will be good to see a lot of my friends at Sue's retirement party today. It 'runs' from 10-12p and then I will help clean up.  I plan to leave here around 7:30-8-ish so that I can help set up.  After all, I have the plates, cups, napkins as well as the scones, so I'm needed there early. :-)  I probably won't get back home until around 2-ish... nothing really on the calendar for today - other than scheduling meetings - so I can be gone. It will be nice to be out by myself and visiting with others.  Some of the executives that I know will be there at some point, at least for a short while.  I know a collection was taken up for Sue and they are getting a gift card for her.  I have been putting a small gift together for Sue, but we are having one last 'admin brunch' on August 5th so will take my 'retirement gift' for Sue at that time.  

Speaking of August, I got notice yesterday that the Airbnb charge will be hitting my account today or tomorrow. And that's ok. The money is there to pay it.  I am kind of wishing I had looked for a better place, but I was watching the finances.  And it isn't that we go anywhere.  It had a covered porch, which we both enjoy.  Early mornings are nice, as well as evenings, sitting out when it is a bit cooler. I didn't notice which way the house sat - depends when the sun goes up and down, I guess, how much we'll spend on the porch.  But it is covered so it may not be a problem.  Temps should be at least 10-20 degrees cooler in the 'high country', right?

With all I want to do before I leave this morning, I cut out some of my reading, and now I can't think of anything to write about!  Lucky you?

I made a comment to Sue yesterday that hubby's BP runs like 118/62 (which is what it was at the doctor's office yesterday), while mine seems to be going up.  She commented that as his caregiver (I hadn't pictured myself as that - yet, anyway), that I also needed to make sure I got time to myself and take care of myself.  Novel thought, isn't it?!  I sometimes long to take a day off work, but then think of 'what would I do?'  Sit at home? Bake? Read? Work on crochet project? Work on diamond art?  And I figure I may as well work for the day.  Save my PTO days. Hubby will be home so I wouldn't be alone, and I don't like to shop that much, which is why I do a lot of it online. A lot more than I should, anyway. LOL

  I'll be using 3 days when hubby and I take off for our anniversary.  I can't remember now if we are leaving the 12th or the 13th.... or if I just took the 12th off as a nothing but get ready day.  I don't know.  Hubby kept asking what to get me for my birthday so I finally told him a manicure and pedicure.  So he is going to schedule them the morning of the 12th so that we both can get it done, and he will pay for it.   And that's fine. As you know, and as I often say, there is nothing I need.  Buy me yarn if you want to get me something. I'll use it eventually for something. :-)  I'll think of something eventually and will add it here.  If I do think of something, that is.

James 1:12 (NKJV):  Blessed is the man who endures temptation;  for when he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love him.

I've spent several minutes going through scripture to share with you this morning.  This one - at least the first part at this time, makes a point.  Temptations are so hard to resist, aren't they?  And it doesn't matter what they are!  For some of us it is shopping!  Others it could be Facebook.  It could be anything. (Yes, I'm naming a couple of MY own temptations!)  But I want the crown that Jesus has for me!  I'm not destructive in my shopping, I don't mean that.  Going on Facebook at times when I'm not feeling quite myself - well, that could be dangerous cause I end up buying stuff on Facebook that I don't need.  (You do it at times as well, you know!!)  (So really, shopping and Facebook could go together, huh!)  Anyway - there are temptations (albeit I have been silly and lighthearted about it) that we do need to get through without giving in.  We all have them.  Things we either want to do - or don't want to do, right?

So when you resist temptation, what goal do you have in mind?  Going back to shopping, if I don't spend money, I can save it. DUH.  I'm really trying hard in this area right now.  I need to go back to pretending I don't have a check coming in.... that fell by the wayside some time ago.  I need to save more.  But I love to buy and give. I love doing little surprises that people don't expect.  That brings my heart much joy.  But I do need to rein in some of my silly purchases.  Just because I like something, doesn't mean I need to buy it for others, right?  I can tell them about it, and if they want one, they can buy their own.  Right?  Sigh.

Well, I need to get off here and get in the shower and figure out what to wear today.  With the execs coming, I don't necessarily want to be in my grubby jeans... I need to look nice.  I wonder if I can still get in to a pair of my old slacks..... haven't worn them in 5+ years, I'd imagine.  Sitting all day, the butt has spread.... and I don't need any comments!  LOL  Which reminds me, Morgan had me do core workout yesterday... 'butt-ups' was one of them.  My butt is heavy enough that after a couple 'butt ups', it wouldn't move anymore.  

I need to get off here. Right?  Have an amazing day!  Hug your loved ones today.  Take some time for you, even if it is just being still and quiet.  God is good.

Blessings!

I thought I was doing good on time...

 and yet, I glance at the clock and time is where it is usually at when I start on this blog.  Yeah, I start later many days, but this is the usually go to time.  Not that you needed to know that... 

I went to bed early last night - I think. I mean, it was probably close to the time we go to bed, but for some reason, all of a sudden, I was exhausted.  So I got up and went to bed. Slept all night as well. I know I woke up about 9:45p and laid there staring at the clock, figuring out if it was correct, for I felt like I had slept several hours.  Turned over and looked at hubby's clock (we both have the clocks that reflect on the ceiling.  Well, his reflects on the wall; mine on the ceiling.  Anyway - they were the same so guess I was 'totally out' for a bit over an hour. So I turned over and went back to sleep.  Didn't get up during the night - that I can recall - and 4:30a my alarm went off. I snoozed. Ten minutes later it went off again.  No, it doesn't wake hubby up.  It's my watch vibrating.  I turned it off again, but got up.  So tired and sleepy still this morning but today will be busy so I've got to get moving.

Hubby informed me (again) when he brought my coffee in, we need to leave at such and such time to get to the cancer doctor's office for his 8:30a visit. I know that. Sure wish I didn't have to go with him to all his doctor appointments.  But I understand why Dr. Mark has me go - hubby doesn't remember all that he is told.  And the positive is that I am doing the driving.  Dr Mark does get a summary of visits from every doctor hubby goes to, so that he is aware of what is being done, but if hubby doesn't remember instructions of what he is to do.... that sometimes can be the problem.  I'm noticing this past 3-4 days hubby is sleeping - a lot - and still sleeps (most) all through the night.  He will sleep several times during the afternoon... anywhere from 10 minutes (waking himself up), to 2 hours or more.  Depends if I'm in the room with him, I think. I don't care he sleeps, but he tries not to when I'm watching something with him. 

I also still need to go to Sam's Club.  Yes, you are right. Third day and I haven't yet gone.  Still need to make scones for tomorrow.  Down to the make it or not time.  Still need to pick up 2% milk cause that is what the recipe calls for - and I bought whole milk this last time.  Not sure if I want to change the taste (yes, it does change texture and sometimes taste) when you don't use what is specifically stated in the recipe. I still want to pick up more plates and cups to take tomorrow.  And I still need to bake tonight.....

Plus I have Morgan at 1p today for my training.  Since Morgan has quit working the evenings, I have to take off work to go get my training done..... Sue has said it is ok and I use my lunch break plus 20 minutes .... hopefully the new boss will still allow it.  Not sure what I'll do if it will become a problem to get away.  For now, I just make sure things are scheduled around meetings I have to attend.  So far it's been ok; I just make sure all my work is done by the end of day. Except Friday I did leave one meeting undone and I need to attack it as soon as I get online.  When I finish this, of course.

Our church service was really good yesterday with our youth pastor preaching.  We're going to schedule time to take he and his wife out to lunch or dinner. Spoke with him yesterday after church and I'll email them to get something scheduled.  We have been taking the pastors out and doing a one-on-one time just to get to know them personally and find out who they are... and giving them a chance to know us.  You know how frightening that can be, them getting to know us.... but, it's part of the meeting.  

I can only share this part in here.... and some of you from reading over the years, may understand my heart in this.  I so long to volunteer and help in all areas of the church.  That's who I am.  Not just preaching/teaching, but helping with the children, the teens.  I want to encourage them and help them grow in the Lord.  It's just hard to do that when hubby 'needs' me close because he is afraid of being alone.  Hubby did 'help' many years ago (mainly helping with the 4-5 year old boys to keep all four legs of the chair on the floor!) with teaching the class of 25 or more.  After 9 years of teaching that class (4-5 year olds), I moved on to adults and love it.  I love the deep studying I have to do, the hours I spend praying (much more, sorry to say, than I do right now) over the class, over the lesson.  I love what I learn as I study.  I would love to help with the childrens' classes, or even with some of the youth, although they may think I'm too old to be involved with the youth..... but I feel so restricted in my life that I don't even volunteer.  So I help by donating supplies when they are needed.  I always wanted, when we were at our other house with the huge kitchen and two ovens, to have young people over to bake cookies and ..... well, being around the youth and younger children keep me young, I think.  Ok - that is a bunch of ramblings so I'm going to stop on this.... 

So for today I have hubby's doctor's appointment, my gym training, going to Sam's Club, baking scones, making sure I have everything I need to take to the retirement party tomorrow in Mesa (which means I will NOT be working for 3/4 of the day tomorrow)....  and I realize that I need to call our dentist's office (which is closed today) sometime this week to find out what they told hubby at his last visit.  His two front teeth are cracked and need to be replaced with crowns.  When he came home two weeks ago from that visit, he said that the dentist's office said he was to come back the next week and for two hours they will work on the front teeth to get them ready for the crowns, then he will need to drive to Tempe to some place for them to make the temporary crowns, and then eventually go back there to get the permanent crowns. It didn't make sense to me then, nor does it now.  Tempe?  Seriously?  Well, the dentist's office has not called to schedule anything with him and it's been two weeks.  So I plan to call them, perhaps on Wednesday as tomorrow will be crazy), and find out what he was told.  He's been fretting because they haven't scheduled that two hour appointment with him yet, and he says it was to have been the following week.  I don't know... how bad can one mess up a message for a dentist?  I'll make a note on the calendar to all on Wednesday and see what is going on.  I would need to take the entire day off work, I'm afraid, to take him to Tempe without knowing how long whatever is to be done.... ugh.  His doctors are always all over the place.  

Psalm 46:10  Be still, and know that I am God.

I often come back to this verse because I find that I fill up my calendar so much with things to do - that I neglect that which is the most important.  Stilling my heart and mind and body, that I can let God be God and let Him speak to me. Sometimes I may hear His voice.  Sometimes a certain situation that I don't know what to do in, the solution will come to my mind.  We tend - as you can see from above that is happening to me - to fill our lives with so much 'stuff' - although it may be good stuff - but we push God out of the thought, out of the process, out of the picture.  We all do it.  We get so focused on what we 'must' do, that pausing and resting in Him, becomes a sideline.

That's why (even with hubby) going on a retreat to get away from the world is so important to me.  Hubby will leave me pretty much alone while we go on 'vacation'.... because he can't walk far, we don't do much but sit around and read. And you know me and my love of reading.  But, again, he always has to 'be with me' wherever I sit.  Same room, same porch, etc. You know what I mean.  He does let me be alone here in the 2nd bedroom while he sits in his 'office'.  But I love to get alone with God and many times I wish I had more time to just sit and be still.  Sit with a notebook and my Bible open, waiting for God to speak to me.  Reading His Word, letting it soak in.  Yes, some of it makes no sense most of the time.  But there are some that knock me on my butt when something pops out and I wonder how I never saw it before.

I dislike having to get up from my time in here and turning on the work computer and getting my mind refocused on that.  I love weekends when time is no object and I can stay in here until 10a or more.  Rarely that happens .... although I can remember telling hubby at our other house that I was fasting from life and would spend nearly an entire day in the room I did my quiet time in.  

Did you know that sometimes taking a nap when you go on a retreat is the most spiritual thing you can do?  I remember going to the hermitage years ago, and one of the first things I'd do was lay down on the cot and take a short nap.  Then I would walk to the chapel and spend time looking over the valley through the very large windows, and praying over the valley.  Going to sit outside on the benches and just reflecting on God's goodness and the wonder of Him.  There really is nothing like it.  How I long for a hermitage I could run to!  These were bought out years ago by another organization and aren't open to the public anymore.  I think there are a couple others around here in town, but...  and I'll leave that there.  

Yes, I can make this room my hermitage... but it's too cluttered.  And that's my fault.  Some day, will I ever be able to do what I want to do? Is that in God's plan?  Can I bring up enough faith that God will give me my heart's desire to just dwell in His house forever?

Oh yes, there was even a time I would have walked away from my job, my home, to live in the prayer room at the church.  I longed for such a time.  I long to be able to spend my days praying and fasting and just being with God.  Will I ever get my longing answered?  I don't know.  So for now, I 'do what I can do' and just be with Him when I can.  Does any of that rambling make sense?

Do I have enough faith that God will answer my prayers?  There have been times my faith was shaken, I will admit.  When my older sister was in the hospital, before she passed away, for those two days I prayed constantly with face on floor, pleading with God for her life.  She still passed away.  I prayed for miracles.  I didn't get what I asked for.  I may never know the reason why my prayers were not answered.  My heart still grieves for my big sister and I don't understand .... but God's ways are greater and better than my ways.  

And yet, there are people who are alive and well, for whom I have prayed diligently for at one time or another.  I've seen answers to my prayers clearly.  And yes, that does increase my faith.  But I've also not seen the answers I wanted to see. Or in the timeframe I wanted it.  But God, in all His wisdom, knows what is needed.  He allows things that I cannot see.  

Do I trust God.  Absolutely.  Do I believe and have faith in Him?  Yes.  I know that His ways are better than my ways. His thoughts are not my thoughts.  My view is like of a little bird - right in front of me, while He sees the bigger picture of what would be years down the road.  

So I ask myself.... will God use me to help others grow in their faith?  Sometimes, He lets me get a glimpse of that answer when I will get a text from someone who was 4-5 years old and in my class, and they will tell me how much I spoke into them.  Or an adult who sat in one of my classes and they will in conversation tell me how much my teaching that class helped them grow in their walk with the Lord.  

We all are used by God in some way.  I know my thoughts are rambling all over the place and I wish I was an eloquent writer (more like my son!) but here I am usually brutally honest.  I am not worthy of God's forgiveness and love for me.  So do I trust Him?  Yes.  Do I have the faith that He has forgiven me of all my sins?  The ones I have done, the ones I still work through, the ones I will probably make in the future?  Yes.  I believe that Jesus is the Son of the Living God.  He carried my sins - all of them - to the cross where He hung, and when He died, He left them hanging on the cross.... was buried, resurrected on the third day, and He lives today.  I absolutely believe that. Hallelujah!

And with that - my ramblings must stop as it is time to turn on the work computer.  So much to do today.  But with all that rambling and such....

Have an amazing and blessed day, full of love, warmth, and special things, because Jesus loves you.

Blessings!

I actually finished two....

 Hubby left the TV off for most of the day yesterday - and I started and finished The Holy Wild by Mark Buchanan.  Hubby did end up putting on his headset and watched the baseball game towards the end.  After I finished that book, I moved to the couch (from the chair) and finished up God Chasers by Tommy Tenney.  I got more out of the God Chasers book then I did The Holy Wild. I mean, they both are great books, but because I read another book that Mark Buchanan had written and gotten so much out of it, I wasn't quite that impressed with The Holy Wild.  But then, someone else may get a lot out of it; I just didn't.  But I was able to close out two books on Goodreads which took me up to 31 out of 50, I think it was.  Somehow I'm two books ahead of 'schedule'?  Or something like that.  I hope I keep reading, I enjoy it a lot, but sometimes it just isn't possible.

I fixed dinner last night and of course hubby wanted to watch movies.  So we did. Two of them. But I had control of the remote so chose.  Both we had seen before.  Hubby had already slept through most of the afternoon ballgame, and I couldn't believe he fell asleep during the 2nd movie - of which he said was boring.  Ok - it's a chick flick; of course there are some that he finds boring.  I liked it.  I really couldn't believe that with all the time he slept in the afternoon - he slept all night long!  I don't know why I just couldn't stay asleep.  One of Forrest Frank's songs kept running through my mind - and this morning I can't even remember which one it was!  I don't know his songs well, but I like the catchy tunes.  I know I have dozed a couple times in here this morning, and that's ok.  It's Sunday and we don't go to church until noon.

I have several things I need/want to do today.  I didn't make it to Sam's Club because I chose to read instead.  But today, I probably should go over, plus I need to make scones for Tuesday. I may be able to make them tomorrow, but I'm afraid that if I push it off to tomorrow, something will happen and they won't get made.  I also want to run down to my granddaughter's and see her babies.  Somewhere in all that I need to feed hubby.  

Have you noticed how expensive it is going out to eat anymore?  Then add in a tip - and then I don't want to go out to eat. Not that I want to hoard any money, but I'll do fast food anytime (and even that adds up) and get by.... but hubby likes his 'meals'.  I think he is just 'old school'.  Right?  Wants sit-down meals instead of fast food.

This may be short today.... I'm sitting here and can't think of anything to write about.   I got a couple books in from Thriftbooks yesterday that I haven't read yet.  I may start one of them in the next day or two.  Once Sue's retirement party is over, perhaps. Right now I need to make sure I have done my part - I'm supplying all the plates, napkins, silverware, and cups..... I did buy about 50 from Amazon a couple weeks ago..... but I don't think I like them, which is why I want to go to Sam's Club and choose some. Then return these if they aren't needed.  Sue is pretty popular so am not sure how many people will arrive within that two hour timeframe we are having her 'party'.  I would not be surprised if there were 100 or more.  But still, I'm concerned more we may run out of food, for we don't have a count. I'm not organizing it; I'm just helping with it.  So does that mean 'it's not my problem'?

Hebrews 11:1 (NKJV):  Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

I sorta like how this is described:  For the unbeliever, "Seeing is believing."  For the believer, "Believing is seeing."   Faithful men and women show their faith in bold acts of trust in the Lord. Only by faith can we please God.  Faith helps us to understand the universe in a way that science cannot, giving particular insight into God as it's Creator and Designer.  There are so many men and women who made it into the 'Hall of Faith'.  Even Abel.  You remember him, right?  Cain was the older brother and he grabbed some of his garden to give to the Lord.  Abel, though, he brought the firstborn of the sheep and the fat portions.  Which do you remember that God loved?  Ah, yes, He loved Abel's gift because it was the first fruit of his flock.  But Cain, he just grabbed some crops and basically said, "here, God".  God rejected Cain's offering.... and you know the story.... in jealousy, Cain killed Abel one day.... and then Cain was sent away.

What are we bringing to God?  Will He accept our offering?  That's one reason why I (try) get up early in the mornings to spend time with God.  I want to give Him the first fruit of my day.   That's why I fast at the first of each year.  I want to give God the first fruit of my year.  To Him belongs everything I have.  Surely I can part with some of it.  And yes, I give him the first fruit of my paycheck too.  It all belongs to Him anyway.  He can take it away, or He can bless me with more.  I work for Him, not for the company.  (Yet, He hasn't told me to retire yet! Maybe He has a use for me yet.).  All we have belongs to Him.  I am just a steward of what I have.  Even my children are on loan from Him. 

So are you a 'seeing is believing' type of person - or 'believing is seeing'?  I have faith that God can do whatever He chooses to do, in His timeframe. Sometimes it is something I've prayed for. Sometimes it is something I haven't.  But I know that God is over all sickness, all health, all monies, all provisions.  Sometimes we don't have, don't get what we want, because we don't ask Him.

Do we know what we want?  Are we asking God for it - providing it is in His will?  Something to think about.

And, with that, I'm off here and in the shower.  Have an amazing Sunday.  Do something kind for someone.  Praise God.  Give Him all the glory that is due Him.  Be grateful.  

Blessings!

I'm sure he is wondering.....

 It's almost 8am and I still haven't gotten this up.  Lazy?  Perhaps.  Been texting my big brother. I had sent him a birthday package which finally arrived this morning.  His oldest son and grandson drove down from Michigan to spend his birthday with him, along with his son and family in town. Two of the younger grandchildren spent the night.  They were all gone by the time we finished texting and he commented he needed to go out and mow the yard.  He is 81 years old and still manages a garden and the landscaping by himself.  Of course he has a riding mower, and other gadgets, but still.  He remodeled their patio last year.

I'm enjoying quiet this morning as hubby has met up with a friend (Bill) that he used to meet with weekly on Tuesdays before they had a falling out.  Bill has onset of Alzheimer and can be very self-centered... don't go there! - and hubby would complain every week how Bill would go back 50 years in conversation and repeat himself.  I gave hubby instructions that if he wanted to have a friendship with Bill, he needs to keep his mouth shut and just listen.  Afterall, it's been nearly a year since they met.  So they are at Denny's and I've been taking my time in my reading and just getting on here.

Talked to my daughter yesterday and she wanted my opinion about getting a third opinion on surgery for her foot.  At least I'm being included in the conversation. It was good to catch up with her for it had been a little while since we had really chatted.  

Talked to my youngest son yesterday too; he doesn't call daily anymore as he has too much going on in his life most of the time.  And that's ok.  He will be babysitting grandchildren for his daughter on Sunday so I want to run over there to see them.  Today his daughter is babysitting the granddaughter who lives with him.  He really does love his kids and grandchildren and wants to be there for them.  They will remember this act of kindness many years.  I just wish he would change some of his lifestyle.... and I'll leave that there.

I don't have anything going on today - the brunch I was to go to and meet up with Sue, Dr. K, and Nancy has been postponed until August.  Sue double-booked herself (she's babysitting grandchildren today) so we moved it out.  Everyone wants to visit with Sue - although Dr. K and Nancy would have come if it was just me.  I just prefer having Sue with us. :-)  We've done this for a few years now.... no sense in changing it, right?

I need to make a run to Sam's Club sometime today to pick up plates and stuff for Sue's retirement party on Tuesday.  I've been thinking about returning the plates/cups/stuff that I have purchased from Amazon for the party; we don't need the large plates and the silverware is wrapped in napkins.... but what we are having is finger foods so don't need the silverware.  I have a box of plastic silverware I can take if it's needed, and a couple packages of napkins.  I would just need to get plates and glasses for the juice or ice coffee I hear they plan to have.  Anyway - I may take it with me and just leave in car in case it is needed, then return to Amazon if I don't.  Ok, I'm just rambling here.  

I got another book in yesterday that I'm anxious to get started on.  Maybe I can get to it today - although I still have The God Chasers that I'm about 1/2 way through now.  This book is called The Holy Wild by Mark Buchanan.  I read one of his other books and really got something out of it.  

But then, my sister asked me to make an afghan for a friend of hers by September.... so I went yesterday and bought the yarn and have gotten started on it.  There isn't a rush... and she offered to pay for the yarn - which I'm going to let her - so I can crochet on it while watching TV.  Finished up a diamond art coaster set last night so I think I will clean that up and put it away for awhile. I do enjoy that as well.  I have plenty to keep me busy, right?  Baking, crochet, diamond art, sewing, reading....and whatever else I want to do.  Got to stay active and keep my mind learning and doing so that I don't start hibernating within and lose my ability to function.  

Psalm 63:1 (NKJV):  You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water.

Sometimes when I read that verse, I automatically think about the area of the United States that I live in. It is very dry, and usually very parched, and water is scarce.  But applying that to how I search for God, I sometimes find myself lacking.  I seek God, first every day.  But am I truly yearning to thirst for Him like I am going to die of thirst if I don't find Him?

I remember a story of Corrie Ten Boom.  Remember her?  If not  - look her up; not going there this morning.  Anyway, the story is of her having a conversation with a journalist or someone one day and in the middle of her conversation, she paused, looked up, and responded as if she had been asked a question.  Then she went back to the person she was talking with and continued the conversation as if they were never 'interrupted'.  The story says that the Holy Spirit spoke to her during that conversation and she responded to the Holy Spirit, before continuing the conversation she was having.  Now THAT is the kind of relationship with the Holy Spirit, with Jesus, with God, that I want to have!  I desire Him to talk with me and interrupt me whenever He chooses.  And my prayer is that I will recognize it when it happens and not put it off as 'my thoughts' or 'thought that someone else reminded me of' - but that when He speaks to me, I know that I know that I know - it is Him.

Sometimes we do things without knowing it was a nudge from the Holy Spirit. My son experienced that yesterday and he shared in his blog.  He was at a luncheon with new friends.  The set up wasn't exactly what was expected and charges weren't going to be like they thought - and without even  thinking so much about it, he paid the entire bill. Not to build himself up; but he said he felt the 'nudge' to do that.  In my humble opinion, it was the Holy Spirit nudging him to do that.  He had no regrets in doing it; and I know that he will be blessed because of it. So proud he was obedient even when he didn't realize what he was doing.

Well, my ocular migraine is starting and it blocks off half the words in what I am typing so I'm going to get off here and let it do its thing.  They say there is 'no cure'....  well, I wish they'd find one for they are annoying!

So with that - you all have an amazing day and be kind to others.  God is always watching over His own and sees......

Blessings!