The end of the year..... goodbye 2021....

 Friday.  YAY!  I have today off work since tomorrow is THE Holiday. January 1, 2022.  And now we look back over 2021 and wonder where it all went... at least that has been the topic of conversation this past week with a few people.

And, with the beginning of 2022, we have begun thinking about our 21 day yearly fast that we do.  There have been days we started on January 1, but the past few years we have followed other churches by starting on the first Sunday of the year and this year it is January 2nd.  It does make it easier since we usually want to have our 'poor man's lunch' on New Years Day - pork, cabbage, and black-eyed peas.  The story I was told by my mother was that we had what a 'poor man' and his family would eat on the first day of the year so that the rest of the year would be better.  I'm not sure how that would work out, but it has become tradition - and one that I have changed over the years.  Not sure what kind of 'pork' part they used back 'in the days'.... but mother used pork chops with cooked cabbage, I remember.  I've never fixed that, nor do I plan to.  I've usually fixed a ham, but over the past several years switched to pork ribs, which I then barbeque, and changed the cooked cabbage to coleslaw (with a coin in it to bring good luck to whomever gets it), and of course the black-eyed peas have now been purchased with jalapenos in it to give it flavor.  Won't be fixing much this year.... a granddaughter invited us over to their new home - and of course I get to bring the ribs, coleslaw and black-eyed peas.  And that's ok.    I'll be busy tomorrow morning.

I'm thinking I will get hubby to take me to breakfast this morning.  I woke up around midnight last night to the thought - "you forgot to get BBQ sauce!!" - and I did forget!  I don't have enough for the ribs and although I have made two trips to the store to get it - I forgot it both times.  Today it must be an intentional purchase.  UGH.  Along with the crowds doing their shopping, I'm sure.  But I 'have to have it' so will go get it.  And Hubby can buy me breakfast after we pick it up. :-)  

Anyway - back to our 21 day fast - we need to discuss our focus and firm up what we want to give up.  We have pretty much decided on specific things we will give up.  Over the past few years, and the pain and struggles I have personally gone through, I must admit that my hunger to do this fast has waned.  Part of it also is that we aren't 'connected' with a church right now, and we feel somewhat disconnected with people.  Thank you, COVID, is a lot of it.  We decided on a church, and did attend a few times, and do get a lot out of the messages.... we signed up for a small group to join... after not hearing back and sending a couple emails and still not hearing back, found it had 'disbanded'.  So we decided to wait until after the first of the year before looking to join another group.  But I must admit it has discouraged me.  It makes me wonder if that was God showing us He didn't want us to join that church.  So we made the decision that one church that we had watched online and found somewhat boring - and friends who go there say you have to be in person in order to experience what goes on - we have decided to perhaps attend that church a few times just to see what that experience is.  We definitely need to find a church home that feels like we belong.  Stay tuned on that one.

Hubby and I will probably make decisions on exactly what we will fast while we are at breakfast this morning.  I'm willing to give up more than he is.... which most will understand that comment.  We both love food, which is why our bodies reflect that.  But we need to make a firm commitment.  Only with him, I have to do his cooking... if we don't fast the same things it gets testy cause I don't care if I give it up, but he isn't as willing to give up some food.  I can give it up, but if I fix it for him, he gets upset with me cause I'm not eating it.  Sometimes it is hard and he doesn't always seem as committed as I want to be to the fast.  It's an issue, and just a difference in what our relationship is with God.  Not that either one of us is right or wrong, it's just where we are at in our walk.  Today and tomorrow we will need to finalize exact specifics on our choices to fast.

I've written out some of the things I am choosing to fast from.  But one thing to remember in a fast - it isn't just giving up food or drink or anything.... it's also choosing to take that time to pray and reflect on God.  I know my main focus this fast is asking God 'where do YOU want us to attend church?'  And trust that He will show us in some way.  There are other things that I will be praying for as well.  But it isn't prayer as usual.  It isn't going back to watch TV instead of taking extra time to pray or read books that aren't for entertainment, but read to learn.  It isn't giving up a meal and going about business as usual, or missing a meal and saying you fasted - you didn't.  You just missed a meal.  Unless one chooses to miss that meal to take the time to spend it with God, it really isn't fasting a meal.  

I want to get back to fasting one day a week - Wednesdays - and that is one of the things I plan to do.  Start the year off with fasting on Wednesdays.  The other days I will eat, but .. well, things still need to be worked out with hubby.  It's easier when I fast on my own sometimes.  

What are your thoughts for this new year?  It will be here tomorrow.  Or at midnight tonight.  Have you set a goal you'd like to accomplish this coming year?

Perhaps it is a goal of spending quality time with family once a month.  Perhaps it is taking a day to evaluate where life has you.  Perhaps it is starting a better eating plan, or an exercise plan.  Perhaps it is purposefully encouraging those in your life who need it.  Perhaps it is being more thankful for what God has given you.  Perhaps it is for getting your life in order.

There are so many 'perhaps' one could come up with.  There are so many goals each of us can come up with.  Goals don't require a fast.  But a fast can help you get rid of toxins in your body and help you think more clearly.  It can restore your health.  Check out the Daniel Fast.  Even for one day a week, it can help get rid of toxins in your body that is in some of the food we eat.  Choose to eat more fresh vegetables - without all the creams added to it.

Lots to think about today to prepare for this new year.  What will this new year bring?  I pray that it will bring you health, love, forgiveness, and Hope.    Whatever this past year has brought you, I pray that you can let it go, and look to 2022 with Hope.  But the greatest of these is Love.

Blessings!

The study continues....

 As I have shared in here, this 90 day Bible study I've been doing has been helpful in my letting go of some thing - some things that I need to do yet (like purge my closet and drawers - hey, I DID go through the drawers in here and filled up a box for Savers!), changing the way I do some things.... and today's lesson was another tool to learn.  This week has been about financial wellness.  I think we are in the best place we have ever been financially - not that we have a lot, for sure - but that we are not living from paycheck to paycheck as we have in the past.  Times when I wasn't sure what I could fix for dinner - I've mentioned before as well how I have learned how to 'cook from scratch' because we didn't have some things.  And that's ok.  That is how I learned how to cook - and love to cook.  

One of the things the book talked about was looking at the things we buy.... do we really NEED them... or is it only because we WANT them?   Yeah, I'm good at thinking I 'have to have' something.  But, honestly, I have gotten much better.  That's because when we moved here, I had to let go of so many things - and you will never understand how much it hurt to let go of things I have held on to for years because of what they reminded me of.... but you know what?  There are just THINGS.   And I still have a lot of THINGS that I wish I WOULD let go of.  All they are doing is taking up space.  

Don't you even go thinking I'll get rid of my books!  At least for now.  I have donated boxes upon boxes of my books over the years.... most I don't even remember the title of.... and some that I let go of and wish I didn't because I wanted to re-read it - well, I find I can go to www.thriftbooks.com and get what I want for sometimes $3-4 - depending on what it is.  So if I see a book I want to read, I check Amazon first to get the going price, then I check thrift books - and if the price is much cheaper, and I really do want to read it - I order it, many times saving $10-15.  (Is that rationalization for buying the book?)   And if I don't save that much, I check out the Kindle price. :-)  I do love my books, and I wish I had more time to read... and I am just going to have to 'make the time'.

I got to share a story yesterday with my boss and friend over lunch....THEY were talking about purging their closets and giving suits and really good clothes to specific charities (i.e., 'Dress for Success', and homes that house abused women and men, others that help them get on their feet).. and with not going into the office, they had realized they don't need all the suits they had; they could get buy with one or two.  Shoes they are working on.  LOL  I got rid of about 20 pair of shoes when we moved, but I'm sure I could 'lose' a few more.

Anyway, I think I have shared this story in here before, but I will share it again.  It always brings a laugh when I share it with others.  Maybe it will bring a smile to your face.  I had this one glass platter that my mother had given me.  I rarely used it, because I really didn't need it.  BUT, my mother had given it to me so I felt like I had to keep it - after all, one of my children might want it because my mother had given it to me.... my little sister set me straight one day when I was sharing I didn't really have a place to put this precious platter that my mother had given me.  She responded, "Mother didn't buy it FOR you, she bought it at a yard sale!  When you mentioned it was pretty, Mother told you to take it.  She didn't specifically choose it for you..."  Well, that changed everything, and I was able to let it go.  

And I do that with things my children and hubby have given me as well.  I used to put away the nice things I received and not use them, cause after all, I don't deserve to have nice things, and I could get by with what I have.  And one day I realized that these nice things were given to me because I was loved, and my children and hubby wanted me to have them.  They were for MY use... not to be passed on after I'm gone.  So I now use those things others have given me that I enjoy.   I take the time to use that lotion; I wear that jewelry; I wear those socks for everyday.  They were given to me for my enjoyment - and I do enjoy wearing them.  For a long time I would pack away in my cedar chest t-shirts that my military son sent me when he was serving overseas - why?  I don't know.  So I wear them now.  Yes, they remind me of him, but why would I want to save them instead of wearing them?   

All I can think of is that when I was growing up, I had very little.  My clothes were generally bought from Goodwill.  Until I started working at W.T. Grant at age 15 1/2, I had two dresses to my name.   I had no clue that it made any difference, it was just the way I was raised.  I wore one dress Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and then switched to the other dress Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.  They were washed on Saturday, then on Sunday I would wear the 2nd dress the beginning of the following week, and switch off to the other on Wednesday.  I never thought I didn't have anything; it was the way we lived.  It was what I had.  I wore pedal pushers - which are now called capris - and the funny thing is, I don't even like them now.  I never owned a pair of jeans until I was married.  I was barefoot when I wasn't at school or church so shoes - well, if we had two pair, we were 'rich'.  Once I started working, my mother took my check and would buy me a 'suit' and by my Junior/Senior year of high school, I was able to dress in a different outfit every day.  She occasionally gave me a portion of my check, which I usually spent on my little brother, Buddy.  I remember the Green Beret uniform I bought him, and had his picture taken in it.

Ah... my thoughts are wandering this morning, aren't they?  Today's study was more on the financial part - saving instead of spending, adding $50/month to the mortgage principal will pay off your house as much as 7 years earlier and save a lot of money.  I would love to do that - but hubby won't let me have the bills - that's his control.  He once said that if I took it away from him, he may as well die as that is all he has.  Sad, isn't it.  But as long as the bills get paid, albeit not when I would pay them, which is when I get paid and not when it is the due date.... I'll let him pay the bills.  I will always regret throwing the checkbook at him to figure out how to pay the bills when he refused to find a job.  Another story... needs to be let go of.  

Anyway... my thoughts are not focusing on what I thought I'd share today so I am going to hush and go dry my hair - yep, it's 'pill day' so took my shower at 4AM after taking it.  

So perhaps after reading this you think of things you are holding on to because 'someone dear to me gave it to me'... but if you aren't using it, why hang on to it?  It's the memory you hold within that counts.  The material things I have (and still do) hold on to, will not have the meaning to my children that it has to me.  Some things I hang on to just because they are nice and some day I may need it.  Or there is some memory attached to it.  The more I can get rid of now... the less my children have to deal with when I'm gone.  I'm sure they would appreciate not having to go through things they cannot understand why I hung on to them.  Why put that burden on them.... someone can use what I have and if I'm not using it, they can.  

I've even taken to using my real china frequently.  I love my 'everyday' dishes - but sometimes it is nice just to use something different.  They are treasured, as they were hubby's parents' china set - but many pieces have broken and I found they were quite expensive to replace, so quit doing that.  And I've decided that if they break, it's ok.  It's a material thing.  One of my Christmas glasses got broken over this holiday.  My first thought was 'I need to buy another set of four so that I can have a complete set'.  For one broken glass.  And then my second thought was 'you have 11 glasses; the most you use at one time is 10.  You do not need to buy any more glasses; once they are gone, they are gone.'.  And you know what, I'm ok with that second thought.  It's a material thing; I enjoy using them, but I don't NEED them.

So I think I'm going to set a goal of 'letting go' of things in 2022.  And not buying so much.  Saving money.  Giving to those in need more.  

What about you?   

Blessings!

God still answers the little requests....

 Yeah, I whispered a little prayer before I tried to do timecards yesterday - and God got me exactly where I needed to be to complete what I needed to do.  I got started on it then the admin in Colorado sent me a meeting request to watch her do a couple timecards - that helped a lot for me to understand.  Then, one of the new people I have to support sent me a meeting request to join her with one of her people to be shown how to do timecards - so we both watched and asked questions and got answers.  I understand a lot more of what is to be done - and it really is quite simple - but the people in the past I had asked to show me had jumped all over the place and I couldn't see what happened when we did this or that.  Since they needed to be approved yesterday, I got to see what happened when we approved (it changed colors).  I was done in no time at all.  Now the next one in two weeks will be more difficult - I will have about 18 more people to go through and approve timecards - and 3 of those are hourly and they work at different facilities sometimes which requires different pay codes.  THAT I am not looking forward to.

Overall, once I got through the timecards yesterday (thank you, Lord), the day was 'empty' of meetings to schedule and I ended up doing some crocheting the last hour while sitting at the desk.  I did get the potato soup and ham and cornbread made and it was ready to eat by 4PM as well.  I like eating earlier in the day so that I can get dinner out of the way.  Hubby thought it was a bit early (really!!) but I reminded him that many days I have fixed dinner to be eaten at 4-4:30PM so that we can get it out of the way.  Only he usually wants to go out to eat.  Of course he did have breakfast out with his friend yesterday morning so had a big breakfast.

Today it is my turn - I am having lunch with my favorite boss and another friend.  I don't have to drive all the way to the office area, but just over to 7th Street, but it will still take a little time to get there.  And it's ok.  We'll meet up for lunch and I'll take some things I made for Christmas and pass them on.  I still have a few jars of salsa.... I must have made more than I thought - or some just didn't want any this year.  I thought I had made 'just enough' for everyone - but still have 5-6 quarts in the refrigerator.  I'll get rid of a few of those today.  Sure don't want it to go to waste. Made me think of a friend of mine who loves my salsa - he will pour it into a bowl and heat it in the microwave -and eat it like soup!  The first time I saw him do that I'm sure I had a strange look on my face of 'what in the world are you doing?'  No, I haven't tried that - but it could be a hot tomato soup!

Saturday will be January 1 and 2022 will begin.  I wonder what the new year will bring.  I know I have my own thoughts and wishes for the new year - and they will remain between God and I.  He knows my every wish, my every hope, my every dream.  I don't get a lot of them, but it is usually because He knows best for me and is protecting me from getting the very thing I may be wishing for!  No, I'm not talking about good health and wealth, but other things.  Part of me is ready to begin the 21 day fast and the other part is trying to tell me 'naw, you don't want to give up good food'.... but the food isn't the important thought.  I want to get closer to God; a lot of things have happened this year that should have driven me faster to my knees, but I allowed my pain to get in the way and just tried to move past it.  I would have done much better getting on my knees.  

And that's the way I want to start out the new year - on my knees praying and praising the Lord.  For those of you who KNOW of God, and refuse to allow Him to govern your life and make you whole, you may not understand that.  I want to know more of His heart, not just know more of Him in my head.  I want to walk so close to Jesus that every step I take, every move I make, is because of Him.  The past few years things have happened that have broken me.  And instead of running TO - I have dragged my feet... this is the year of change.

Why don't you make the decision to 'change' with me?  I'm not saying you have to do what I do - but how about just you and Jesus having this conversation - "what would You want me to do this year - for You?"  It may mean changing a lifestyle; it may mean to start tithing on a regular basis; it may mean watching what you put in your mouth (food and drink); it may mean to be aware of what you are watching or reading.  I know I have heard this comment many years ... and you have to...  but I read it again the other day - or heard it - and it has stuck with me.  

Are you doing what you could do with Jesus?  Are you watching what you would be ok with Jesus watching?  Are you doing things that Jesus would approve of?   Some of that I'm ok with... Jesus could be right there with me and I know I'm 'good'.... but what about some other things ..... would I want Jesus to see me doing that?  Would I expect Him to approve of my behavior of......  If Jesus is with you always... would He do the things you are doing?   I don't know about you... but I know that I need to re-evaluate many things .... how important are they to me that I would put them over Jesus?  I need to read more of my Bible and get His Word IN me.... not just read my daily assignment.   I need to watch my tongue more and hold in words that should remain unspoken.  I need to put others before myself and be watchful of how I can help them see Jesus in me.  

No, I don't need to push Jesus on anyone.  I need to let others see Jesus living and working IN me.  

John 13:34-35 - "A new command I give you: Love one another.  As I have loved you, so you must love one another.  By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."

Lord, help me to love others the way I want You to love me.  Unconditionally, whether I agree with their lives or not.  Help me to love the unlovely.  Help me to love the needy.  Help me to love those who hurt me.  Help me to love as You love me.  With open arms, You love me.  Help me to love like You, Jesus.  I know it won't be easy; I know I will fight tooth and nail over some people, but it's not about me.  It's about You.

2022 - "It's all about Jesus".....  the Rapture is coming soon.... are you ready?

Blessings!

The day after...the day after....

Yesterday was a good day.  Christmas Eve, Christmas, all were wonderful, but yesterday was a good day as well.  A grandson text'd me during my quiet time yesterday and asked when he could come over to bake cookies.  When he mentioned he had to be at the airport by 1PM, we opted for about 9:30AM for him to come bake cookies.  I had to laugh at him... he really wanted to bake cookies with Grandma.... but he really didn't have the time to do so.  His want overruled his time, so he made up for it.  He made a batch of snickerdoodles and made them huge - which means out of a 4 dozen cookie batch, he got maybe two dozen.  And that's ok.  He got to bake cookies and the tradition continues.  Who knows what the future holds or where he will be next year.  I'm grateful for the time.

After he left we didn't do much - hubby had his TV and I called my little sister to ask about her Christmas.  Around 3:30-4PM - not sure which, a granddaughter contacted dme and she and a great-granddaughter came over to bake cookies.  Thank goodness I had a roll of sugar cookies in the refrigerator for the little one to play in.  She made only six cookies - guess she wasn't in the mood - but I had so many toppings for her to play in  - coconut, m&ms, sliced almonds, chocolate chips - she filled each one.  I surprised her with a special Christmas apron, chef hat and her very own mitt to wear.  She wasn't impressed, but we did get a couple photos of her in it as she played with cookie dough.  The apron will stay here until next year.

It was a very good day yesterday.  I loved having the grand and great-grand child(ren) over to bake cookies - even after Christmas.  The granddaughter also helped me find the correct headset (I hope) for what I want it for.  I had bought the wrong headset - I bought one that was more for a radio (or a tablet, etc. and I have one of those).  I want one that will pull the TV in for hubby so when I wan't quiet, hubby can still watch his TV and I won't have to listen to it.  So my granddaughter helped me find one that we think will work.  Of course I want simple - but we may have to flip a swich whenever I want to watch TV as well.  It isn't that hubby will use them that often....  but daggone it, I had given him a headset for Christmas and if I was going to return them, I had best get him another set!  Afterall, it was HIS gift.... so it's ordered and should be here in a few days.  Now to return and get reimbursed for the one I bought that wasn't the right one.

I had a very nice Christmas and was very surprised at the number of gifts I got from the middle child and his family.  Was not expecting all of it and it was a fun surprise.  I'm already using the magnetic book markers - removing the index card I usually use and putthing the book mark in place.  I loved the fun socks hubby got - I think he was surprised and I will encourage him to wear them. 

We both got several gifts from all the children and look forward to wearing/using them.   We got gift cards for dinner too so will probably use those soon.   Hubby gave me an Amazon card.... what is left for me to buy from Amazon?  LOL  I'm sure I can think of something, but sure can't right now.  I love I got a couple new journals so plan to start writing in my journals again on the first of the year.  I'm so glad hubby got one (or two) as well, for that was one thing he had mentioned he wanted/needed.  I haven't written in awhile...in a journal, anyway.  Started at one point to 'journal' here in the computer, but typing is different from writing.

Today I am back to work and sure wish I wasn't.  Today is the day I have to do the timecards for the first time and I just don't want to do it.  I admit it, I've been spoiled by my bosses in the past in that I didn't have to do timecards; they wanted to do their own, and to do their own people.  That changed with the one of the admins leaving and her work has been put on me.  I've tried to learn how to do timecards and either my 'don't want to learn' gets in the way or the way it is explained just doesn't make sense to me - but I have struggled.  I'll give it my best shot this morning - and then scream for help when I can't figure it out.  And I'm praying God will show me exactly what I will need to do in order to get a timecard approved.  It sounds simple enough, but how do I get from step one to step three to click on the approve button?  UGH.  At least when it changes color I will know it's approved.

This is a four day week - thank goodness - and I'm hoping it will be light and go quickly by.  Numerous people are off work but for me, no reason to take off.  I'll get the tree down sometime this week and things put away; no rush to do so.  All the baking is done and now just need to get rid of the extra food in the refrigerator.  Mmm - I have a few potatoes left, maybe I'll make potato soup and ham for tonight for dinner.  And cornbread.  That sure sounds good.  If there is any ham left - we both have been reaching in the bag and pulling pieces out and eating them - without anything else!  

Our 21 day fast starts on Sunday.... maybe we should see about using those gift cards this week!  Hubby would love it, for sure.  

It's nearly 6AM and I need to finish up and get my work computer turned on and ready for the day.  I'm hoping the day will pass quickly.  I think hubby is meeting one of his friends for breakfast this morning, come to think about it.  He will be gone about 2-3 hours.  House will be quiet.  I wanted to share some thoughts from my book this morning... but I think it can wait until tomorrow or another day.  Gives me a lot to think about.  

Until next time.... may the Lord bless you and keep you, may He turn His face towards you and give you peace.

Blessings!

I still have time.... if I do it now...

Chirstmas day has been going well.  Actually, it all started for us last night, as mentioned yesterday.  The grandchild did not come to bake yesterday, which was a good thing.  He is now coming over tomorrow - after Christmas - to do some baking.  I know he will be taking off later in the day, I think, so he won't be here long.  Anyway - we started our Christmas sharing last night night and we had a good time.   There was plenty of food to be had, for sure.

We got up early this morning and had a short devotional before we opened our gifts.  I did have a cup of coffee to sip on while we did so.  I received lots of nice things from hubby; he spoiled me this year - as he does every year.  The only thing I may need to return and get a larger size is my hiking boots.   He still doesn't understand WHY I wanted hiking boots - and he definitely bought the best cause I would never have paid even half this much for them!  They are really nice, and he did buy the size I gave him, but he neglected to get 'wide' - which is important since my feet have 'spread' over the years.  I'll either have to get the wide or go a size up, I think.  I could try to wear these - but could hurt my feet if I do.  But then he asked the question - "why do you want hiking boots?"  Maybe I am too old to hike; but I enjoy it.  He doesn't like to hike; he doesn't like to walk.  So he has kept me from enjoying it because he refuses to go with me, and I really shouldn't go alone.  Although I have, in the past.  But it has been a several years.  I enjoy the exhiliration I feel when I get to the top of the mountain - but I agree, if I tried it now, I probably could not even get halfway up the mountain.  I've let him defeat me, and leave me defenseless.  It's my fault.

I cooked breakfast this morning - and then something I had posted years ago where hubby always fixed me breakfast on Christmas.  Well, that certainly has changed over the years.  My neighbor sent over some ham so we had ham and scrambled eggs and juice and coffee.  It was good too.  By mid-morning I was ready to start cooking for lunch and fixed garbage for the youngest and his family - albeit there were only three of them this year.  About 9-ish I started texting his boys and daughter cause I wanted them to open their gifts from us.  We face-timed and was able to see them open their gifts.   Reception wasn't that great- it kept freezing the screen, but did get to see a lot.

The youngest and his famly left a bit ago and I've been relaxing (even took a little nap!).  Hubby has the 'stupid TV' on.  sigh.  I'm hiding out here in my room - which he can't stand - but I told him if he wants me out there, he has to turn off the TV.  I'm so tired of that noise.  But, the TV is still on, loudly, and I'm here in my room for now.  The ham is in the crockpot for the last group, whenever they arrive.  I was going to fix potato salad, but talked myself out of it... but I still have time to make a small batch for my son.  I know he likes it.... I read his blog and because I told his boys I was going to make it, and they told him.... he mentioned it.  Maybe a small bowl I will make.  I've rested some now.  Still have some blueberry cheesecake (I don't think it is that good), and all the turtle pie, chocolate cream pie and about 9 cheesecake cupcakes.  

It has been a great Christmas as far as gifts.  Some of the gifts have puzzled me, but overall, it is all good.  I knew I had been good this year!   Santa does have me on the 'nice' list.

Will be so glad when this James Bond show is over!  We've seen it before, but apparently hubby doesn't remember it... sigh.... but I do... and I'm tired of listening to it.  Yesterday he had to watch The Godfather.  Another great movie, but I still remember it and wasn't interested in watching it.  I want QUIET and hubby just ignores my request and insists on having the TV on.  I even bought him a pair of bluetooth ear buds - not really buds, but I can't think what they are called rightnow.  He said he was charging them.  I'm not sure how it works, but he can have the TV on, and he hears it through the headset (that's the word I was looking for!) and I won't hear the TV!  A little costly, but well worth my agony of him and his TV shows all the time.  I hear him sleeping now.... and the TV is still on way too loud for my good.

Well, if I'm going to get that potato salad made I'd best get in there and get the potatoes on - I expect them (per the son) in about 2.5 - 3 hours.  It doesn't matter - we've eaten two meals already today - way too much food.  Hope to send some home with this family too.  That's how I get rid of leftovers.

Hope that you have had a Merry Christmas with your loved ones.  Every time I can be with my children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren - is Christmas to me.

Blessings!

It's Christmas Eve.....

 and I know today is going to be a busy day.  And that's ok.  I'll get an early start in a bit in my dinner preparations so that if there are any changes in the day, I will still be on top of things.  The only thing at this moment that may create a 'hiccup' in the day - is a grandchild coming over to do his baking.  I saw he got in town last night.  He had contacted me earlier in the week as to when he could come bake cookies with grandma.  You know that stirred my heart.  I had two of the grandsons over last Monday and it did my heart good to just hang out with them and spend time with them.  I treasure each and every moment that I can.   But I can also get this grandchild to help me fix dinner if it is late enough in the afternoon as it is his family that will be coming over for us to gather for Christmas giving tonight.   His family opted for 'garbage' tonight so I can get it prepared this afternoon and in the refrigerator until they arrive.  Then it can go into the oven to bake while unwrapping gifts.  Add potatoes and a vegetable; we have dinner.  And cheesecake.  I am thinking I may try to ice it this morning to hide the brown top.  I checked and it's a whipped cream topping... and I still have whipped cream...  will see.   It's the heavy whipping cream whipped up type... which requires work.

First thing this morning I need to do is run to the store and pick up butter and a couple other things.  I wrote them down, but especially butter.  I have margarine, but when recipes call for butter, one should use butter... and yet, I remember a time butter meant margarine.   I want to go get butter.... how much you want to bet that hubby will want to 'take me out for breakfast this morning'?  He sure does love to eat out.  I will have to tell him 'butter first' (hopefully to beat the crowds) and then breakfast.  Will see if he will offer - and if he will agree.  Bet he makes me go afterwards.  Or he may surprise me totally and not offer to take me to breakfast.  I usually have to agree or he gets angry with me.  Like I said, he does love eating out.

I have about 3 small gifts I need to wrap today... things that have just been sitting on the bed and I haven't taken the time to do them.  Everything else is wrapped.  Of course hubby said that he plans to do his wrapping this morning as well - or tonight.  Good thing he only has my gifts to wrap.  I used to tease him by standing at the door asking if he needs help.... but over the years the 'fun' of that has waned.  I had actually suggested he do it yesterday, but he didn't want to get up out of his chair and watching TV so imformed me last night he decided to do it today.  Whatever. 

Christmas morning has usually become so busy with us getting up a little later (5AM versus 4AM) and getting our coffee, taking time to open our gifts, me fixing breakfast (usually), that we sometimes forget until later in the day to celebrate Jesus by spending time in His Word.  Yes, I'm confessing.  It has bothered me the past few years and this year I am taking a stand.  I am going to find something for hubby to read out loud before we open our gifts, so that our day continues to be Christ-centered first.  We both get up and do our quiet time daily - and first - and yet Christmas morning, we tend to put it on the back-burner.  This year it will be different.  I won't need to worry about the lunch group until 11AM so have plenty of time to prepare it and have it ready for when they arrive.  Since the middle family won't be coming until later in the day, I won't need to put their meal on until after the youngest family leaves.  It will be weird this year....only 3 in the youngest family this year as the grandchildren are at their mother's.  They are to face-time us as they open their gifts so need to find out about when it will happen so we can plan on it.  I will miss them being here, but they do need to also spend a holiday with their mother.

Stockings are all filled for the children and their spouses.  Some things I put in are 'traditional' and I know they enjoy them.  I have gotten somewhat carried away this year... even though I started early in my shopping.  I always had planned to give more to my children and less to the grandchildren since they get more gifts from their parents...and parents always get less.  My children are still my children... I try to limit... but sometimes I make things and then it just doesn't seem enough cause I never put a value on something I make.  Not for children - but grandchildren this year.

I wonder if anyone would care if we didn't do the summer sausage, salsa, chocolate covered cherries, etc. that we 'always do'.  Do they even want them anymore? Might be time for me to ask that question.  I like doing the 'traditional' things started years ago... which I continued because they seemed to enjoy them.  But if they don't really care or are tired of them... something I need to ask, I guess.

So looking forward to being with my family.....children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren.   They will never know how much I love and miss them....until they find themselves where I am.  The longing in the heart to be a part of their lives never goes away.  I about 'hit bottom' last night with my longing to be with them.... but I shouldn't be sad... I have something to look forward to for starting tonight, I will get to see some.  And coming a family at a time lets me enjoy each group individually.  

Ah.... my thoughts have become rambles again.  My neighbor wants her oranges, grapefruit, and lemons picked - I have lots of bags and will encourage everyone to go out and pick some.  I did a bunch of oranges the other day and made fresh orange juice, taking a couple quarts over to my neighbor and putting some in our refrigerator.  I had picked grapefruit and lemons too - and was able to give those to our housecleaners yesterday - I knew I wouldn't have time to juice those up for a few more days.  And there are still a lot to pick out there!

I may not write in here tomorrow - not that anyone will have time to look anyway... so today, I want to remind you to not only celebrate your family being together to enjoy a meal together, time together, and sharing of gifts for each other, but I want to remind you to also think about the REASON we are celebrating December 25th and pause to remember that in His great love for us, God sent his One and Only Son to earth, coming in the form of a baby, born and placed in a manger.  And He did it for you.  And He did it for me.

Pause and thank Jesus for choosing to be born on earth... because you know what is coming in a few months.... His reason for being born.

Merry Christmas.   Happy Birthday, Jesus.

Getting things done.....

 Christmas is quickly approaching and I'm finishing up with a few things that I want to cook/bake/get done.  I had a very light day yesterday so I checked the computer periodically and made 4 batches of salsa - finishing up all that I need to make for the grandchildren.  It sounds like I made a lot, but one batch is only about 1 quart and 1 pint.   I try to make each one a quart - whoever wants it.  At least I'm done with salsa right now - and even had a pint for hubby, for which made him very happy.  He was always asking 'did you make any for us?  did you save any for us?' - when in reality it was 'did you make any for me?'  LOL  

I also expanded my horizon and tried to make a mint cheesecake with a chocolate base out of my Junior's Cheesecake cookbook.  I will never, ever, ever, (I don't think) try to make this again.  Oh my goodness - what a lot of work - and I don't think it turned out.  The crust itself took over an hour to make (in between me checking the computer) cause it had to bake.  Then the real work started in making the cheesecake - oh my word.  Trust me, I will pay whatever it costs to buy a Junior's Cheesecake (New York) for it is well worth it.  It took a lot of work, and a lot of time, to make this cheesecake - and then had to put it in a 'water bath' and it was to bake for 85 minutes - seriously!  By the end of 25-30 minutes it was dark brown on top so I just took it out - I didn't want it to burn!  It's now in the freezer... not sure if I will attempt to bring it out or not.  I may for the first group over Christmas Eve night... if it's not good, then can get rid of it.  But I think it will be good.  I had a bit left over from the first batch and put in the 4" pan and it tastes ok.... but now I need to cover up the dark brown top.  Maybe if I could have given it all my attention, it would be better, but I don't have much confidence in it now.  Besides, I did order 18 of the Junrior's Cheesecake cupcakes and they are in the refrigerator for dessert.  As well as a chocolate creme pie, and a turtle pie.  I had planned to also make an apple cobbler in the crockpot, but will see.  There will be so much food for dinner, no one may want dessert.   I did find another recipe (not from the cookbook) for a blueberry cheesecake - which did not require baking - and made it as well.  It actually does taste pretty good!  In fact, hubby and I had some of it last night after dinner.  Will see how long that lasts!

I need to review my groceries to make sure I have everything I want to cook this weekend.  I'm in my 'seventh heaven' when I get to cook for everyone.  It's one of the joys I get.  I don't even mind the clean up cause I get to use my 'love gift' of creating dishes to give to others.  Thank goodness for dishwashers, though!  I did do online ordering at Fry's the other night and picked up everything I thought I needed.  I just need to confirm that I did get everything.  It would probably be a good idea to write out a menu - then I would know what I'm fixing.  I'm so excited to be able to cook for my children and grandchildren - and great-grandchildren!  

Everything (well, except for a couple little things) are wrapped and under the tree because I quit shopping for Christmas a week or so ago.  There are some packages that still come in occasionally - and I tell hubby these things have been either delayed or back-ordered.... I'm not going online and ordering Christmas gifts.  If I buy anything, it is for me, for now. :-)  And then it isn't much - usually a book or two.  LOL  I do love my books.  Trying to find a new Bible study to do on my own when I finish the one I'm doing.  I do have a confession.  After the first six verses, I quit memorizing.  I tried, I really did, but there were some issues going on and my heart just wouldn't let me retain it.  I do read the verses every day, and perhaps some of it will stick.  And then I tell myself that I need to memorize verses that will be meaningful to me for living life, not 'in her hand she holds the distaff and with her fingers holds the spindle' or something like that.   A Proverbs 31 woman I am probably not, but I did, and am, learning some things from the book.  Just finished day 73 today.  Right now it's talking about hospitality - something I enjoy doing; hubby not so much. 

I am working today and tomorrow, getting December 24th off.  But although my two big bosses are working, their meetings are light and I will rarely hear from them.  I do have a meeting with one to go over his calendar this morning for next week.  But other than that - I can get a lot of other things done, like I did yesterday.   Both are totally blocked tomorrow with no meetings so I will have pretty much all day to do whatever - but I do need to read about timecards and how to approve them.  I have to do it this Monday and the person I am taking it on from - she signed off and turned in her computer last Friday without even telling me 'bye' or showing me how to do it.  We had briefly gone over some things, but I'm still uncertain how to do it.  Then I found out another admin is leaving and yes - I am getting her people to approve timecards for too!  I've had to take on three more leaders in addition to the two chiefs I support... and then there are their direct reports.  Yeah, I'm busy.  And I don't mind busy, but not knowing how to do things often makes me wish I didn't have to - that I wasn't working.

But I am glad I am working.  We got notification the other day - the 'soft re-opening' that had been planned for leaders to start coming back in to the office has been halted due to this new strain of virus - indefinitely.  So if I'm at home, working in jeans and t-shirt, it's the life, right?  As long as I don't have to do board meetings it is!  I've gotten lazy since I haven't had to take minutes for awhile.  I don't know these people and without having them face to face, it's hard to do minutes of who said what.  It sure has been easier for us with not having gas expenses and clothing expenses.  Especially since I have gained some weight since I've been home.  Got to get refocused on eating better and less of it.  In other words, stay out of the cheesecake!  

January 2nd we will start our 21 day fast for the year.  I've been thinking about what I will give up - and I like the BBCD I usually do.  No beef, bread, chocolate, or dessert.  Sometimes it is hard, it really is!  Usually I will just eat chicken and fish with vegetables, which is good for me.  I sometimes leave out the pasta as I consider it a bread product, but it really isn't.  It does have flour in it though; just not bread flour.  Last time I did something different - which I can't remember what it was now - but I recall it was harder to stay focused on not doing it.  I have beef, bread, chocolate and dessert under the acronymn BBCD so it's easier to remember.  And trust me, it is hard to give up my bread!

The point isn't for us to just 'give up something we enjoy' for 21 days each year.  It is giving our attention to God during that time versus focusing on food.  Some people go without any food, or eat only one meal a day, during the 21 days.  Several churches have taken it up now.  I enjoy doing it 'with others' even though we aren't with them physically.  I have seen the blessings God has given us because we choose to give up some food that we enjoy as a tithe to Him part of the first month of the year.  I'll probably talk more about this on January 1.

God has been good, and He has been faithful to us.  I've noticed it more so this year, I think, than in years past.  Yeah, we still go through some things, but overall, when we release things to Him, He gets us through it.

Goals to think about for the new year?  Haven't gotten that far yet in my thinking.  Perhaps after Christmas I will ponder that.  My son made a comment a few years back about resolutions versus goals... I don't remember exactly what it was now, but it makes more sense.  So I choose goals versus resolutions.  What about you?

Need to jump off and sign on the computer - then get dressed for the day.  Oh what shall I wear?  Oh yeah - jeans and t-shirt will work!  And a sweatshirt or hoodie... I sometimes get chilly when I stay back in this room.  I may bake cookies today... not sure what I'll do.  I NEED to review timecards and how to do them... but that's Monday, right?  UGH.  I don't like this part of the job!  I've never had to do it before so why should I do it for other people?!  

Have an awesome day!  Are you on the nice or naughty list this year?

Blessings!

What can bring me fully awake at 2AM?

 I don't know, but my first thought was of my boys.  I knew they both were involved in a 'Santa Run' last night, but don't know much other than that.  I think it is really cool that they do that.  Everyone deserves a bit of joy (i.e., candy canes) during this season.  After praying for their safety, I didn't sleep well, but did go back to sleep for awhile.  That's just what moms do.  Nothing must have happened, and perhaps my prayers prevented something from happening, for I never got any phone calls.  Thank you, Lord.

I spoke at the RV park this morning and got asked an interesting question by a pastor visiting from Germany.  He asked me when did my denomination start letting women be pastors.  The question surprised me; we are a non-denomination.  I just said I don't know but I will research it today.  And I have.  From what I have read on the internet, women have always been ordained from the beginning of our non-denominational movement because God created us to be equal - as Paul shared, in Christ we are neither male nor female.  But I did read an interesting article that gave no names, but that they had observed a woman who had been ordained for years as a pastor - being stripped of her title because - I think - the area she was in didn't believe women should be pastors.  But at least I have an answer and at least one name I can share with this German pastor.  

In all honesty, I don't care about my 'title'.  I was humbled to be allowed to receive the title of 'reverend' back in 2007 when I completed all the requirements for the board that I could be ordained.  I felt God has called me to do what I do - for this moment in time.  If they ever want to take it away, it isn't going to change who I am.  It isn't going to change much of what I do.  I mean, if the RV parks insist I be ordained and I wasn't - then that would go by the wayside.  But other than that, it doesn't change anything.  It doesn't make me who I am; it doesn't give me any special privileges except that I get to share a message occasionally on Sundays.  For some people, losing that title would devastate them.  It's just a title.

And yes, I did get 'roped' into singing with the choir this evening.  I did take a nap a bit ago - perhaps that is why my head is hurting... I slept too long and too hard, I'm afraid.  With the Cardinals football game on.  Hubby slept too, but all he has to do is turn his hearing aids down.  LOL  We don't need to head back over to the RV park until about 6PM.  I haven't been to any of the practices, but we are just singing Christmas songs that that should be fun.  I'm looking forward to being with our friends there.   Yes, I could have continued to say 'no, I just want to watch', but what if everyone did that?  We all need to participate at some point.

I made three batches of salsa today to go with the two batches I made the other day.  I think I have two and maybe three more batches to make so that I will have enough quarts made for whoever wants to take one.  I love that my grandchildren love my salsa and usually want a jar.  There are a few who make a point of telling me they want a jar of salsa for Christmas from me.  And I will always do it as long as I am able to.  Other than that, I haven't tried to make anything today.  Hubby keeps coming in to the kitchen area where I am (and he can't see what I'm doing) to ask me questions - who called?  what did they want? are you going to make anything else? what time do you think we should leave?  sigh.  He can't stand it I'm not where he can keep an eye on me.  Heaven help him if I die first.  Maybe that's why my head is hurting.  LOL

NOW the tv is off - guess hubby doesn't have any other football games to watch today.  He did ask if I wanted to watch a movie but I said no, not during the day.  I get tired of watching movies all the time - he falls asleep most times during them anyway "only for just a few minutes".  I like to enjoy the quiet, which is rare around here.  I'm sitting in the kitchen now with my computer; wasn't intending to write anything, and yet, here I am.  I did the research, and here I still sit.  It looks beautiful outside.  Wish it was a little warmer so that I could go sit outside and enjoy the fresh air.  

I'm starting to sit and stare in space for something phenomenal to write about... and find I am empty.  With that being said, I won't bore you with chitter chatter.  Need to take an aspirin to make the head stop hurting.  Maybe I will be able to get some reading done.   And if not, I can at least work on the baby blanket I'm working on.

Hope you are having a good Sunday - enjoy the day.

Blessings!

The stack of books by my chair

 seems to be growing larger.  I am a 'several books at a time' reader, I think.  I think my middle child, who is an avid reader, does the same.  Well, maybe not books stacked everywhere because he reads from his kindle.  But I love the physical book in hand.  And I love the convenience of the books on my kindle as well.  Some day I will read as much as I want to.

In the meantime, I read when I can, which is usually in the mornings as I spend time with God, or in the evenings when I can get hubby to leave the TV off and we have a 'read night'.  The problem with that is he can take all the time he wants during the day to read - and then at night he wants the TV on to watch movies.  Every single night he wants to watch movies.  Usually we do, and I sit and crochet.  But sometimes I just like to be quiet and read.

So this stack of books that is gathering at the left of my chair here, are books that I either want to read, re-read, or am reading.  There's probably about 10 of them here, I'm guessing, besides my Bible.  Which I should be reading intently.  I did tell hubby that after the holidays, starting with New Years, that what I'd like to do is - besides reading my Bible in the morning (perhaps start over in the Old or New Testament), for us to turn the TV off at 8PM and get another version of the Bible and start in the Old or New Testament (what we were not reading in the mornings).  That way we could easily get through the entire Bible in less than a year.  He seemed to think it was a good idea.  And it doesn't have to be 8PM, just a good half hour or so before we go to bed, wind down by reading the Bible and meditating upon it.  I'm sure we both will sleep well.  He did agree, so I am hoping to follow through on this.

So now I am thinking about which version I would like to read morning and evening.  I've read through the NKJV a few times, I've read through the NLT, NIV, several tiimes.  I have a new NKJV that has comments by a specific pastor.  I don't listen to him, and have very few of his books, but thought his explanation of a verse could be insightful.  I think I want to use this book for my evening read.... and an ESV study by another pastor for the mornings.  Not sure yet what I'll read when, but it helps to understand a verse better when you can read a different translation of it.   A good goal to have in the new year, yes?

Christmas is one week away from today.  I actually felt some 'excitement' about it yesterday as it was getting near the end of the workday.  I'm only working 3 days next week, taking an extra day off to finish up on some baking, making sure I have enough groceries to make everything.  I asked my children what they wanted for their meal - and I laughed.  Always subject to change, of course, but the oldest and the youngest want "garbage", and the middle child wants ham.  The ham is in the freezer and I will take it out the first of next week to thaw.  I need to figure out how much hamburger I need and all to make the garbage for the others.  I love to cook, and when I get an opportunity to cook for my children and their families, it brings me great joy.

We went out to dinner last night with a couple from one of the RV parks we go to.  We met up last year too, and there was another couple there that asked if we would want to have dinner one night too, but we haven't met up with them yet.  I speak at that RV park tomorrow.  We plan to go back tomorrow night for their choir contata - the choir director usually insists I sing in their choir if I'm not speaking and we are there (in fact, they asked us last time to start attending weekly there!  Not to speak but just to be with them.  Wouldn't that be a hoot - but we are considering it.)  But, I told the choir director no for the contata - but will see if he will drag me into it.  Even without practice!  We love these people and it is such fun to see them during the months they are in our state.

Christmas.  It isn't just about the gifts and the gift giving... (which, by the way, giving gifts is my love gift, I have discovered).... it's about being blessed by the Savior of the world.  Do you realize how much God loves you, loves each of us in this world?  He loves us so much, and loved us so much back when the world was created, that He sent His one and only son to earth.  And the very people He wanted to redeem, they rejected Him, and crucified Him.  Jesus gave His life, to save us, to bless us, to redeem us.  

Jesus came to earth because of Love... and great is that Love for you that God has.  Jesus gave His life for you because of Love.  Greater love even yet.

What will you give to Jesus this year?  You know what I think?  He wants only you.  He doesn't want you to bring Him gifts.... all He wants is your heart.  Will you give that gift to Jesus this year?  Give Jesus your heart, and feel His love and blessings all the days of your life.  Think about it.  What will you give Jesus this year.  This doesn't cost you any money.  It's the best gift you can give Him.

Blessings!

A brisk, crisp, sunny kind of day!

 What a fun day I had yesterday with my boss as we headed up north to visit and have lunch with a friend.  Actually, two friends, and made a new one!  We drove up early so that we could walk around the courthouse square, then peeked into shops that had not opened yet - or were just starting to open.  It was very windy and brisk - but it was wonderful.  We weren't cold at all, although the temperatures were saying 45 degrees!  Of course we were wearing coats (and sweaters under the coats)!

The trip up with full of talking and laughter - as was the trip back down.  In fact, on the way back down, we were back before I realized it.  It made me wonder if I fell asleep cause I sure lost some time there and couldn't remember talking.... but I'm sure we did a lot of talking.  Once back to my house my boss and I shared our gifts with each other.  I got some really cool things!  She gave me a beautiful new purse (but she doesn't know the tradition of putting $ in it to bring good luck - guess I'll always be broke!)  No, I didn't look when she was here, but I did after she left!  Got some 'body butter cream' which smells really good and I used it this morning after my shower.  Also a couple other things - and she always makes me the pisqualles cookies - now I know I'm not spelling it right - but it is an Italian cookie (after all, her hubby is Italian) that you make and then it is put in a cookie press and is very thin.).   It was a great day!

I didn't have anything going on last night so after hubby left I thought I'd get some baking done - and then decided that I didn't want to.  I sat down and grabbed my crochet, then watched two movies that we had seen before but I can't get hubby to watch a movie he has seen before.  I like watching some of them again, and just enjoy them.  I was nearly finished with the baby blanket when hubby got home from meeting with his friends.

Just an update on me.....My doctor's appointment on Monday went well - it was just a 3 month check-up after going on Fosmax.  I told him about the reactions I've had - and he suggested a couple alternatives.  Since the Fosmax has been exhausting me and causing a lot of limb pain and it goes for about 3 days of the week, the doctor has suggested one that is an infusion once a year, and the other is a shot every six months.  I was referred to an endocrinologist - but can not get in to see her until April - so until then, will continue to take the Fosmax weekly.  My doctor said that the reactions to the other drugs would be minimal compared to me hurting 3 days a week.

I contacted my brother who has taken all three of these suggestions.  He and I are going to contact via telephone this morning and discuss in further detail.  He also sent me several artices about Reclast (the infusion) and Prolia (the injection).  The problem on any of these drugs, you can never go off of them or your bones will reverse whatever progress they've made.  His bone density is now back above the osteopenia stage (which is where mine is) but he also works out with weights and walks a lot.  That is where I have failed.  And I need to get back at it.  He takes Prolia but wishes he hadn't started it, which is why he wants to discuss it with me.  I have plenty of time to think about it as I don't meet the endocrinologist until April - in the meantime, I need to eat better, weight lift (hand weights for sure) and walk to build up the bones in my body.

Today is Wednesday and I'm back at work.  I have over 70 message in my in-box so hopefully I can get through those quickly.  I just didn't want to get online last night, although I noticed my boss did.

In spite of all my bone issues now (thank God I have only had a broken wrist and broken toes over the years), I know that my God has fearfully and wonderfully made me.  Just as He has you.  I honestly believe and trust in the One who made me.  Yes, sometimes we have to take medications to get better; sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do; sometimes we have to eat better and exercise - but our ultimate end is in the very hands of the One who created us.

People have questioned me when I've given a hug to someone I haven't seen for awhile - aren't you afraid of COVID?  I can look at them and say - God is the One who created me in my mother's womb, if I contact COVID, or if I die, He still governs that time - no one can take it away or surprise Him that they messed up His schedule for me.  I am in the hands of the One who loves me more than I can ever imagine..... no, I'm not afraid.   I'm a hugger and everyone needs a hug!

You are held in the Lord's hands as well - You were created by Him and your life is governed by Him.  You may choose to do your own thing, go your own way.... and He is allowing you to do that... while He patiently waits for you to return to His loving heart.  Our Heavenly Father loves you more than you can ever imagine.

Blessings!

The Christmas Wishing Tree....

 I finally remembered what it was that I wanted to write about.  I don't remember exactly WHAT it was that I wanted to write about.... but the main topic has resurfaced in this brain of mine.

We watched a movie the other night called 'A Christmas Wedding', I think it was.  Lands, I don't even remember now.  But in this movie three children (two girls and a boy) were playing in this field of Christmas trees.  The grandpop (of the two girls) was there and he had put a huge bow on this one fir tree.  When they asked, Grandpop told them it was the Christmas Wishing Tree, that they were to go, one at a time, to the tree and whisper into it their wish.  And one by one they did.  And they never told what their wish was.

Several years later one of the sisters was getting married, but going to do a Fiji destination wedding - and her sister was a successful wedding event planner in New York, I think it was.  Anyway, as they sat around talking with the parents one evening, they were discussing the Christmas Tree farm (which the family had owned, but the father had sold it after he had inherited it as he didn't want to work it).  The sister getting married remembered that was her wish - to be married at the Christmas Tree Farm - just as her grandparents had done.  Her lucky beau said it could be anywhere she wanted to be - so the plans were set into motion and the other sister, the wedding event planner - was told SHE could plan the entire wedding!  In just a week or two's time!

Long story short.... the boy who was their friend growing up ended up buying the Christmas Tree Farm when their father had sold it.  The wedding planner sister went up to check out the small town and the availability of having the wedding at the Christmas Tree Farm.... admidst a lot of snootiness by the 'wedding planner sister' in the beginning (afterall, she had become a successful wedding event planner (top notch) in another big city), she began to see people as people in this little town and what their skills really were and that they were as good as anyone in the big city.  So the wedding got planned, the sister had her wish wedding.  She was married at the Christmas Tree farm just as her grandparents were.

And the wedding planner sister fell in love with the owner of the Christmas Tree farm.  Yeah, you knew that was coming, didn't you?  They finally shared their wish that they each had put into the tree that day.  The boy who became a man and bought the Christmas Tree farm wished he could someday have a Christmas Tree farm... and the wedding event planner sister?  Her wish was to stay there at the Christmas Tree farm and marry the boy.   Yeah, you knew that was coming too, didn't you?

But I wasn't thinking of the entire movie the other night as I thought about it.  I guess the longing to have a dream and that it just might come true, was really my thought.  I think we all have that longing within us to be more than we are; to have more than we have; to love like we've never been hurt.  My dreams were shattered years ago, but I still long to dream.

I want to stop before Christmas and pick up a small fir tree that I can perhaps leave in its pot year round for awhile - as I can't plant it here.  (Reminds me when my very best friend died years ago, I sent a fir tree in lieu of flowers to her son... I hope they planted it in her memory.)  And when I get it, I am going to put a big bow on it.... and I hope that everyone will play along with me if I (remember, first of all!) ask them if they want to whisper a wish into the tree, one that they can't tell others what it is.  And see if it gets answered.  The Christmas Wishing Tree.  It's just for fun.... maybe it is to satisfy the longing within my own heart to have my wishes come true.  

It was a great movie- romantic, of course.  But, one I would suggest you watch.  For fun. For whatever you want to get out of it.

Of course wishing doesn't always mean they will come true.  I can ask my Heavenly Father for things and He will bless me with answers - maybe some I don't want - but sometimes wishes are withheld for my good.  But I know He only wants the best for me so will give me only the best.  And, sometimes He allows me the things I do ask for - only for me to be disappointed in them.  That happens too.  So be careful what you wish for!

Have a busy day today - a 6:30AM meeting, and 8:20AM doctor appointment, run by the pharmacy... and still put in 8 hours today.  But I am off work tomorrow!!  YAY!!  My boss and I are heading up north for the day to do some shopping and lunch with a friend who has retired.  My boss will be here at 8AM tomorrow morning  to pick me up so it will be a fun-filled day.

Hope your day is a blessing!

I did have a thought.... but it's gone now...

 Before I fell asleep last night I had a thought about something that I wanted to share this morning.  I had even outlined it in my mind how I would share it.  And, wouldn't you know it, this morning the thought is totally gone... and in its place I have a headache.  Since I got the booster COVID shot yesterday, my arm is also hurting.  I thought about taking something for the headache.... then I remembered my desire of wanting to stick to Plan A.  Don't run for the (aspirin) bottle, run instead to Jesus to bring healing.  So I prayed for healing of my head and arm.  Yes, they currently still hurt, but I am not on my own timetable for immediate healing, although that would be nice.  I will be healed; but I am in His hands   I don't like to take medication so why do I run to the aspirin bottle?  Why not instead run to Jesus and ask for His healing touch?  After all, He is Jehovah Rapha - The God Who Heals.

I finished an afghan last night that I have been working on for several nights now.  I am thinking it will be the last one for awhile - I have 3 I have made I'm not sure what to do with.  I need to go back to making baby blankets for awhile.  I have started on a scarf as it was mentioned in Needles of Hope last month that we need scarves for the homeless.   The thought keeps occuring to me to make lap robes on my own and then next December deliver them to a nursing home for those who may need them.  Wouldn't that be a fun thing to do.  Not sure if it is something I could do on my own... I just love to make things and give them away.  Perferably to someone who could use them.

This last week was really busy between work and then things I did in the evenings.  Perhaps that is the reason for the headache; I'm exhausted.  And that bothers me.  In my 40's and 50's I was up until midnight many times working on things in holiday season.  Now, I'm in bed by 8:30PM - 9:30PM at the very latest.  I've got to start exercising to get my body back up to speed.  Too many times depression takes over and I struggle just to get through the day.  Depression is real, I have discovered, and yet, what have I to be depressed about?  If I put everything in God's hands, then I should leave it there, right?  But I am human, just as you are, and the weight of the world often is picked back up and carried on my shoulders.

I made - or attempted to make - peanut brittle last night.  What a mess!  I should have stuck with one batch at a time - but no, I had to double the batch... and without a candy thermometer (I told hubby that is something he can get me! That is, if he can find one) I don't think I got it to the 295 degree temperature the cookbook said for it to be.  I let it boil, I thought, long enough, dumped the peanuts in it, and then the soda, and then poured it into pans to cool.  Sigh.  By the time we went to bed last night it had not hardened.  So I've been thinking this morning what to do with it - I'm going to try to cut it in small pieces and perhaps roll into a ball - maybe it will be like a caramel ball with peanuts.  A new thing?  Today is Needles of Hope so if I decide to go... still thinking about it.... I will see if I can fix that 'stuff' to be able to take some.  It does taste good, it's just not hard like it should be.  Of course I haven't checked it this morning - maybe it did harden.

Don't you wish that I could remember what wonderful and wise thing that I wanted to share last night?  I wish I could remember too!  

Cookies with the grandchildren.... the reality has been getting more real every year... they have grown up, have their own lives, have jobs, and time for making cookies doesn't always fit in.  I get it and I understand.  The youngest son's children won't be here over Christmas as he is taking them up north to be with their mother.  Saves fighting with his current wife, I guess.  Jealousy over children is a mean thing.  So the other week I sent a box of cookie dough and some packets of cookie dough over to his house and told him to let his kids make them there - I don't know if they did or not.... only the step-grandson sent me a text and said thank you for sending it over.  This group has been the hardest over the years to have for cookie baking as they have pretty much lived too far away most years.

I spoke with a granddaughter not long ago about coming up as she did last year with her little one to bake cookies.... but she also lives in another city.  I know she would come up in a heartbeat ... but I also know she has home responsibilities and I don't want her to have to drive up here just for us to bake cookies.... we're down to two weeks before Christmas... I still may send her a note; she brings such joy to my heart.  I told her many, many years ago that I may call my other granddaughters (and now great-granddaughters) Princess, but this one is special, and she will always have my heart.  I found a note she had written me years ago (and I kept, of course) that she had put on my windshield at church one Sunday... "I love you more than you will ever remember".  Or was that one "I love you to the moon and back".  But she was the one who coined the phrase "I love you more than you will ever remember".  

I need to go to Needles of Hope today..... got to resist all the food they will be bringing though!  Ordered a dress for the January upcoming wedding... sigh... there is a 4" gap between the zippers - which means there is no way I can lose 4" in a month.  I've ordered a couple other dresses to see if they can fit.... may stop and look at a couple shops today.  I've got to find one that will fit - in spite of my trying to lose weight.  It has to be lilac or lavendar and floor length.  I need to bag up the one I currently have hanging in my closet and return it.  I love the dress, but there is no way it will fit - plus I will need about 18" taken off the bottom so I don't fall.  Why am I even thinking it might?   No wonder my head hurts!  I just want something plain and simple... with a jacket as the wedding will be outside, I found out!  I told my daughter they should have put that in the announcement!  In January - even here - it can be cold.

Ah.... enough of my rambling... I may run by and drop off a birthday present after Needles of Hope... and maybe I can capture a grandson to bake cookies so that I can have that joy of hanging out with him.  Once I make sure I can, will need to contact his parents to see if it's ok.  Can't ask until I'm sure.  

Hope that you have an amazing day.... I need to bake this afternoon regardless of what else I can do.  My boss and I are heading North on Tuesday to see a friend who has retired, and I want to have goodies not only for my boss, but for my friend.  And I still need to try and make a cheesecake.  I think I finally have everything that I need.  Stay tuned.

Blessings!

Sometimes it is good to go back....and choose Plan A

Sometimes it is good to go back to a book, or a devotional, and reread something you have probably read numerous times (as I have this one devotional).  What you go back to is something that grabbed you from the first moment you read it.  If you are reading your Bible, it could be a specific scripture that stood out to you one morning.  Or it could be something you read from your youth that came to your mind during a time of reflection now.  I know that when I was going through a 'scare' (for me) about something recently, the scripture I read then and reread and said numerous times was Jeremiah 17:14.

I'm rereading one of the devotionals I received back in 2002.  I can't tell you how many times I have read through it over the years, but each time I do, I get something more out of it.  There are several 'days' in this devotional that speak to me, but this one in particular - Chapter 9 - titled 'The Secret of No Plan B' always grabs me.  It was what I read this morning, and has prompted this post.

I don't know about you, but I have been in many situations in the past that, even before I surrendered my life to Jesus, that God has intervened and rescued me.  I didn't know it then, because I didn't acknowledge Him, other than a passing fancy.  I didn't KNOW Jesus as my LORD.  I only knew He was 'out there' somewhere because I heard about Him at church.  Sure didn't hear about Him at home.  But He watched over me (prayers of my mother, my father (before he died), my grandparents?) and kept me from harm.  He allowed me to make my own choices, my own mistakes (and did I ever make those!), but He was with me always.

But back to No Plan B.  Wow.  How many times have we been up against something that we just had no clue what to do and began seeking out so many different ways to solve our problem, our issue?  We end up, many times, taking the easy road out instead of pursuing  God and asking Him "what shall I do in this situation?  What are You wanting me to see, and do?"  For example, sometimes it is easier to walk away (or run away) from a disagreement than it is to sit down and discuss exactly what the disagreement is about and resolve it, or even to agree to disagree.  Relationships are hard enough within a family when God isn't a part of them, but when He is, you will find that offenses taken are sometimes misplaced.  Sometimes it is easier to step away than to resolve them.   I've stepped away from some of my family members numerous times, until I could breathe around them again.  You know how many times my sister and I have had issues; two specificially that I know I have shared over the years, and both times her tongue cut me to shreds and I was so broken because it wasn't so much about ME that she lashed out, but it was about HER and her anger at life, things going on in her own world.  I had to learn that, step back, and pray for healing - of my heart and hers - so that we could become friends again.  Not always easy, and I oftentimes find myself trying to shield my heart when I begin to hear things in words spoken that I felt were going to bring up the pain again.  The anger is real; the pain is real.

And when it happens, the emotions hang there.  Are you praying about what to do?  No plan B.  If God doesn't give you an answer, or if He doesn't bring healing (in whatever form), if He doesn't bring that wayward child Home, if He doesn't intervene and bring healing and wholeness to someone..... do you give up?  Or do you continue to press in to Him and ask what He is wanting to show you, to teach you, to give you insight or direction on?  

Oftentimes when we have a sickness we go to the doctor.  That's what we have been brought up to do.  That's what we pay for with our insurance.  But what if - we just come before God and ask Him to intervene in whatever the sickness is, (and even hardness of heart is a sickness), and bring healing to that person?  What if we don't run to the aspirin bottle, but ask God to bring healing to your body?  As I sit here I am wishing I had reread this chapter first.... I woke up around 3AM with a major headache this morning.... I didn't pray about it, but tried to go back to sleep, and finally got up.  It still hurt pretty bad so to ward it off, I took a pain killer.  What if I had gone to God FIRST and asked Him to heal my head.  I know I have in the past, and He did remove the pain of my head.  Why did I go to the 'bottle' first to heal my head, instead of asking the One who created me?  Who knows so much about me?  Who loves me too much to allow something to happen to me that through it He is teaching me how to live?

I still make mistakes.  I still forget to ask God first "What do You want me to learn from this?  What do You want me to do in this situation?  Are You allowing this to turn me back to you?  Have I forgotten that YOU are God and I am not?  Will You bring healing, Lord, instead of running to the doctor?  Can I just sit with You, Lord, and let you bring healing and wholeness to my heart and mind and body?"

One thing for sure, God doesn't always answer the way we want Him to.  We pray for healing and He may say 'NO'.  Or He may even say 'Not Yet'.  People we have prayed for are healed.  People we have prayed for have died.  Does that mean that God did answer our prayer or didn't answer our prayer?  No, it just means that we put that person in His hands and allow God to be God.  A friend of ours within the past few months was put in the hospital with COVID... she died, in spite of our prayers for her.  Another friend was put in the hospital with COVID and we prayed.... and he recovered quickly and came back home.  We can't make the decision on who lives and dies, who gets healed and who doesn't.  That's God's job.  He created them.  He knows that in spite of our prayers - which generally draw us closer to Him  - He is working in each one of us.  No Plan B.

If God isn't in it, you are in Plan B mode.  It's got to be God first as Plan A.  It doesn't mean you don't seek medical attention when it is needed.  God still works through the doctors He places in our path.  But are we leaning into God and saying "If You don't bring healing through whatever means You choose, I have no other alternative.  I have no Plan B.  It's You first, Lord, working through whatever means You choose.  I am not looking for another way out; I'm not running around just guessing at answers.  You are the answer, Lord.  If you don't rescue from this situation; if You don't bring healing; if You don't restore.... I have no Plan B.  Plan A - You, Lord - are our focus."

I'm going to make more of an effort to make God my Plan A only.  Confession.... I've let life beat me up somewhat over the years and I have not always made God my Plan A - that no matter what is going on in my life, I will lean into Him.  My job is dependent upon Him and what I do within that job is in His hands.  I can succeed or fail.  He gave me this job when I needed it.  If He allows it to be removed, then He has other plans for me and I need to lean into Him to find it.  (side note: my job is secure - no worries there)  My life is dependent upon His will for me.  I ask Him ... and now I need to wait on Him.

In the Lord's Prayer (which we all know, and at some point I want to blog about it), is the statement "Your will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven".   Why not take a moment and just pray that prayer?  

"Lord, may Your will be done in my life today.  Whatever path You have for me, help me to be alert and take that path.  Today, Lord, I want You to show me the way I should go, for I lift up my eyes to You. In spite of everything going on around me, I choose to walk with You, Jesus. Amen."

Amen.

Busy weekend; busy week ahead....

 This past weekend was a fun weekend for me, for the most part.  As I shared before, I got to spend one day with my boss at the Christmas Ideas House, and then the next day had lunch with a doctor friend (who actually delivered two of my grandchildren!) that I still work with, my boss, and another friend.  Yesterday was another busy day in that I got to take care of a great-granddaughter for the very first time!  Yep - I got to watch her for several hours while mom and dad went to see a concert.  It truly went well - but wouldn't you know it, she was starting to get tired and as mom and dad pulled into the driveway, she started crying - and was crying as they came through the door.  My first words were "honest! she didn't start crying until you pulled into the driveway!"  I enjoyed my time with her, and of course she had my undivided attention all afternoon so I did nothing else - a novel thing for me.  

Today I'm back to work - but I do have two appointments.... one medical and one for pleasure.  I get a massage tonight - and probably one much needed.  With having the osteopenia, I suppose I need to stop the deep massages that I like so well.  But I can still get the firm ones, I believe.  Of course hubby has to have his appointment right after mine so that we can go together - so both of us lose two hours.  Heaven forbid that one of us should have someone else do the massage and go at the same time.  He refused; he had to have the same person I selected - and we haven't even been to this place before!  I just picked a place closer to us as where we used to go is quite a drive now.  And.... I've started to ramble already - what's up with that?

I am reading a couple books here in the mornings, a chapter or two in each (why can't I just stick to one so that I can finish it?!)  Both intrique me.  One is 'Fasting through the Lord's Prayer' and the other is 'An Appeal to Heaven'.  As it is less than a month when we begin our 21 day fast for 2022, I have been reading different books on Fasting.  Some have been thought-provoking, some informative, and some even have me wanting to start NOW.  If I HAD to, of course, I would start now, but it's Christmas!  Fun foods, good foods, lots of cookies and candies - homemade at that! - how can I start now?  Speaking of which, need to figure out which - if any - of the grandchildren want to come bake cookies.  This is the first year I think I will be down to one, perhaps three, grandchildren.  An era has come close to an end.  My prayer is that the tradition of baking cookies together at Christmas will continue as they create their own families.  We've had some fun times over the years.  Since one group of grandchildren won't be over, I sent cookie dough to them and suggested they make their own.  I don't know if they did or not, but one grandchild did send a text and thanked me for the cookie dough, so I can assume he did make cookies.

Back to the books I'm reading, they are beginning to stir my heart again for intercessory prayer.  Over the years things have happened that crushed my spirit and I must admit I haven't prayed as I should.  Oh I still pray, but the gift of intercession has waned.  My broken heart would not allow me to dive into prayer like I used to - and I have truly missed it.  I feel smothered, buried, forgotten and left behind.  I need a revival in my soul and I am beginning to feel the embers start to burn again.  Unless you have experienced what life is, you cannot understand the depth of what I have just written.  Life is hard, I am sure you will admit that.  But instead of focusing on what is happening TO us, we need to focus on what is happpening THROUGH us.  

I can't tell you what to do to regain your spiritual fervor again.... if you feel you are right where you need or want to be - hallelujah!  But I'm not where I want to be.  It will take some adjustments, for hubby and for me.  It can mean making adjustments in your own life.  It means purging things of the past and getting through them.  It means repenting and repairing.  It means letting go of the past so that the future can be grabbed ahold of.   Oh the future that one can have when it is secured in Jesus!  Life may not be perfect in our eyes, but it is perfect in His.  He can take every pain, every sorrow, every heartache, every bit of anger, every bit of distrust, and turn it into a glorious and rewarding thing.

As the new year approaches, perhaps one can begin thinking of what changes one should make in ones' life.  This has been a year of intense struggles fo me (in my opinion), but it hasn't been to Jesus.  The problems I have gone through are things that I need to learn - and some that I perhaps need to go back to the beginning of the year and read my rambling blogs so that I remember what He has taken me through.  And be thankful.  And be repentful.  And be open to Grace.

Yes, we are just in the single digits still of the last month of 2021... but may I suggest that you begin thinking about where this year has taken you, what have you gone through, think about the plus and minus things .... and determine how you want this year to end.  And how you want 2022 to begin.  I want it to begin on a positive note, but even more than that, I want it to begin with my life surrendered to whatever the Lord has for 2022.  Regardless of what I may have to go through; regardless of what journey the Lord will lead me to, my prayer is that I will lay down my life and allow Him to work through me to touch others for Him.

Jesus is all that we need in this world.  We've put Him on the shelf so many times - (not speaking just of me - but of you too).  It's so easy to put Him out of sight and just go with our own emotions and feelings - when He is the one who created those very same emotions and feelings.  We can learn from them; we can grow from them; or we can wallow ... I've seen what wallowing in the past does to people.  Things that happened  50 years ago, 20 years ago, 10 years ago, 5 years ago, last year, or even yesterday..... turns you to unflavored salt (like Lot's wife when she looked back) in our own life.  

One thing I heard someone say (or I read it)... that makes real sense.  "You can't go back and change what happened in the past.... but you can change how your response to the future will become."  I am choosing a deeper future.... one that is relinquished to whatever God wants of me.  I can't change my past; I can't change how I reacted or how I felt in the past.  But I can change how I will live in the future.  Free of my past.  As the saying goes... "if it's to be, it's up to me.... with God's help."

Things to ponder on, don't you think?  One thing I do know, and that is when we confess our sins, our anger, our bitterness, and those things we know are not of God, to Him, He takes them and remembers them no more - as far as the east is from the west.  I am so grateful that when I confess those things I've done (and the devil will constantly remind you of them and tell you that you can't change, that you can't be forgiven for it), when I confess, God takes that confession and throws it to the wind - and remembers it no more.  So when the devil tells you that you aren't good enough, that your sins and rebellion can not be forgiven, remind satan that He was defeated on the cross and that Jesus has forgiven you, and you will not carry that bag of sin around you any more.  You left it at the foot of the cross, and there is remains.  It doesn't mean we won't suffer the consequences of those sins... but it means that we have One who took those sins upon Himself on the cross, so that we don't have to carry them any more.

Start packing your bag with confession of whatever is troubling you.  Jesus forgives.  Let Him take your bag and remember it no more.

Blessings!

Thoughts that trouble me....

 I have several thoughts that trouble me... and am praying about.  I feel helpless, unable to do anything about it.  There are actually several thoughts that have been troubling me, things I have to keep within my own mind, but there is one that I will share this morning. I guess it is weighing heavily on my mind because it just happened yesterday.  And I'm afraid.  Afraid of what the future will hold.  Gratefully, I am glad I know WHO holds the future.

My day yesterday started out so fun!  Yes, it was Friday, but I took the day off work, as did my favorite boss.  We met up at our old office building and she drove to another location where we attended the Christmas Ideas House.  A club puts it on every year.  She took me for the first time a couple years ago and we had so much fun.  Last year it was cancelled - as many things were.  She buys the tickets as part of my Christmas gift from her.  We have to park at one location, then a bus picks us up and takes us to where the Christmas Ideas House is.  It was a different place this year, but both years I've attended the house has to be 10,000 square feet or more!  They are huge!!  

The take around 6-8 rooms of this house and it is filled with things people in this group have made - and each item is reasonably priced.  When we arrive we are given a bag to use to put our things in.  Sometimes we are given booties to wear so that our shoes don't ruin the carpet; but they ran out before we got there this year.  Yeah, it's a big event.  It didn't seem to be as big as I remembered from the first year, and even my boss commented on it.  But it was still oh so fun!

Our first stop was to eat a catered breakfast/brunch.  Oh my!  We had two kinds of quiche, ham, cheesy potatoes, french toast (this was real unique, I'll tell you more later), bowls of cut up pineapple, strawberries, blackberries, blueberries, honey dew melon, cantaloupe, with hot syrup, and a broccoli salad and a green salad.   Coffee and Orange juice as well.  All so very good!  Ah - the french toast - it was like they took french bread and cut it in one inch slices.  Dipping that in egg, they fried it, and here is what made it so good - they put two slices together and put cream cheese between them, just a little bit - and it brought out a whole new flavor with the syrup over all of it.  Oh my goodness.  It was so good.

After filling our bellies, we grabbed our bags and started through the rooms to shop.  And shop we did.  We both purchased several items; I thought for sure that I spent more than my boss did - but I didn't.  She had bought an arrangement to put on a mantel (I sure do miss my fireplace and mantel!) and I didn't.  I bought really very few things when I opened the bag at home - it just seemed like I bought a lot.  If I had a place to 'sell' these items, I would love to work on crafts all year at  my own pace and sell them.  They had some really cool ideas.  Some very simple, in fact.  Some were things like bags of homemade peanut brittle (I am hoping to make some this year), chocolate balls, fudge, and then there were boxes of the molten lava cakes (yum) and cheeseballs.  Let's just end all my descriptions with it was a fun few hours with my boss and it felt so good to be out with people and doing something fun.

When I got back home we went to find hubby a suit for the wedding.  We first went to Penney's... and this surprised me... when we found someone to help, he just didn't seem to care about helping.  He measured hubby, but it was more like we were on our own in finding something because they don't do alterations.  Well, hubby's size requires some alterations... and I'm not saying that in a bad way.  Because he doesn't truly work out anymore, and he has issues with his one shoulder, his shoulders have shrunk.  I noticed it a lot last Sunday when he wore a suit coat to speak at the RV park; the coat hung off his shoulders... I know you have seen 'that look' on many older men.  Because Penney's wouldn't help us at all, we left there and went to Men's Warehouse, where I must admit they were overly helpful.  I was grateful.  From the moment we walked into the door and stated we needed to buy hubby a suit, someone was with us constantly, asking questions on what we wanting, offering ideas, etc.  I was very grateful and very pleased with the service we received from not just the person helping us,  but also another man who came by frequently and checked to be sure we were getting what we wanted.  It didn't take long for hubby to decide on a dark grey suit.  The salesman had measured him and found one that fit him pretty good - except for the shoulders.  The salesman said that hubby was a 'petite man' but did need to have soem things done to the coat.  Hubby could button the coat, which made him happy.  The pants they gave him were not hemmed intentionally; they were to be sized to fit.  I had already told hubby to let them measure and not give his opinion on what his size was.  Once he had the suitcoat and the pants on, they called out a man to fit the suit to him.  It was amazing.  He pinned about an inch or so down the middle of the back and the coat fit so much better.  Hubby said he liked the sleeves where they were so I kept my thought of it should be about 1/2 inch shorter to myself.  They measured the pants to where they thought they should be.  As he went to change back to his regular clothes, I decided that he may as well get a good white shirt to go with it - and to ensure that it fit, I had them pull one (size 17, 32-33) and they wanted him to try it on (probably to ensure it fit all over).

This is where I am troubled.  When hubby came out of the dressing room with the shirt on, he had the buttons wrong.  It was hanging lopsided about 3 buttons down, and hubby didn't seem to realize it.  The salesman was so kind and quietly mentioned that "sir, it looks like you got the buttons messed up"... and hubby looked confused and made a comment, of which I don't remember.  The salesman just said "no problem, we really just need to check the neck size", and made sure the neck could easily be buttoned.  He could see that it did fit across the middle.   Hubby changed back to his clothes, we paid for it, and left.  They will call in a couple weeks for him to come back and check the fitting.  The troubling thought... what is going on with hubby's mind?  If you are in a dressing room, with mirrors, wouldn't you look in the mirror to see how something looked before you came out?  Why did he not understand he had buttoned the shirt wrong?  Unfortunately, this has happened before here at home and I caught it and he fixed it.  So many little things are starting to happen and I am troubled, and am becoming afraid of what the future may hold.

All I can do is pray.... and pray I do.  Some days seem just fine for days on end... then all of a sudden it is thrown a curve.  This morning he comes into my room as I'm doing my quiet time to bring my coffee, as he usually does.  Only this time he asks "How did you sleep?"  I looked at him, puzzled, for most of the time, other than my saying 'thank you' for my coffee, we don't talk; I'm usually reading when he comes in.  Before I could respond, he got angry and commented he just wanted to know how I slept.  Well, I commented back that it is unusual for him to ask me that in the middle of my quiet time - and he turns to leave the room - and slams the door.  Because I didn't respond the way he thought I should?  I don't know what to do anymore.  I tell him things that I want him to share with his doctor... and I don't think he does.... or if he does, he makes so light of it that it isn't conveyed as a concern.  The last time he said he told his doctor what I had said about him constantly asking me questions.... he does it to make me talk to him.  HUH?  When hubby is with others a short time, he is usually focused so they don't see what I see.  I've tried to talk to hubby about it... but he gets angry, so I try to remember to write things down, but I haven't done that so much lately.  It is probably good that I am working from home, so that I am here to notice these things.

That's how our God is.... even though we don't always care for how things come about.... He is always at work in every situation.  If I wasn't at home, I probably wouldn't notice so much that hubby will not do some things.  It's hard to explain here so I won't.  I have to trust that God is still in control and will still direct our paths.  I don't know what the future holds, but I know Who holds the future.

Life isn't always what we dreamed it would be; life is hard, sometimes.  But I also know there are wives and husbands who are going through a lot more than we are.  Perhaps you are one of those whose dreams have been shattered and you just live life day by day.  I'm sorry.  I wish I could make it better for you.  But I can pray.  I don't know who you are, but God does.  I don't know what you are going through, but our Savior does.  

And what I do know, is that Jesus said He would never leave us nor forsake us, and I believe Him.  He is walking us through whatever life throws at us.  He isn't surprised by what we are going through.  He's walking us through it all.  Hang on for the ride.

Blessings!