Routine change up...

 I usually don't like my routine changed - at least by much - and today is, well, being changed somewhat.  It really isn't anything tragic or disruptive.... hubby asked to take me to breakfast.  On a Friday morning. When I have to work today.  And I said yes.  So am cutting everyting short today.  For one reason, and this one.

Hubby's friend that usually meets him on Friday mornings - has to go up north to his summer place as he turned the wrong valve the other day and now has a water leak.   He won't be coming to breakfast.  So since the restaurant has a set table for them, hubby still needs to go and let them know they won't need the bigger table since no one else is coming.  So he asked me to breakfast.  

I briefly thought 'I have to work!' but decided 'why not go?'  So I said "yes".  That was before Sheeba woke me up during the night barking consistently.  So I debated on getting up to check it out...decided I shouldn't have that fun alone so woke up hubby.  Yes, he was still sound asleep.  He grabbed the flashlight and I walked behind him (for support, right?) and he checked the doors and checked on Sheeba.  Sheeba was still lying down, but had her head up.  Had she been dreaming?  If something was really wrong, wouldn't she be standing up in her bed?  Anyway, hubby peeked outside as well and there were a couple cars across the street in which people were talking and getting into. It was only a little after 10PM so it's possible they had been visiting friends.  So back to bed.

Hubby falls right back to sleep.  Me, I do what most women do.  We lay there and listen for any sound just in case there was more to her barking.  I don't know when I finally dozed back off, but had trouble waking up again this morning.  In fact, I DID fall back to sleep in here and didn't wake up until 5AM.   I have about 8 minutes left of the time I alloted myself to get this typed.

Perhaps I should have let you wonder what happened that you didn't have anything to read first thing this morning.  Would you have wondered?  Would you have noticed?  Would you have shrugged and gone on?  Does it even matter?

I may be late getting started on work this morning and you know what - that's ok.  I am even taking off work early this afternoon so that I can attend a memorial service for a dear friend who died at 108 years old.  It will be a short workday - I hope.  I may have to come back and work.  And that's ok too.

So today my routine is all mixed up.  Can't lay here and finish all my reading.  Very little time for praying - which I can do all day long and often do as God brings things to mind.  And now it's time for me to stop and get dressed and my hair put up so that I can look halfway decent.  I may even put a little makeup on.  Maybe.  

In the meantime - this IS the last day of April - tomorrow is May 1 - May day!  Do you remember what that means?  Google it cause I am out of time!

Have a blessed day!

The end of April.... time is flying by

I started this blog a little bit ago but could not wake up.  I have been falling asleep all morning while I was trying to read.  The room is a bit chilly and I'm curled up in my blanket so why not fall back to sleep, right?  I think I am finally starting to wake up - as I should!  I think part of it is that it is a THURSDAY, which means the end of the week is coming and I've been busy the first three days.  Not as busy as some weeks, but busy.  Could it just be that?  Could it be tiredness still from the vaccine?  (Thank goodness I think the headaches are finally going away!)  I've heard that tiredness stays around a bit longer.  It's weird how a vaccine full of the unknown to us and how they will affect us - affect us.  

Life is short.  Do you agree?  We want to do things and seem to always be putting things off until later.  Until tomorrow. Until Monday.  Until Saturday. Until next week.  Until next month.  Until.... 

but what if that 'until....' never comes?  Or even worse, what if it does come, and we put it off again?  

What memories, what legacy, have you passed by to leave those who love you?   Did you enjoy your life?  It is short, you know.  Did you have fun?   Did you bring joy to another?  Did you live your dream?  Did you make your life count?

If you haven't YET, there is still time!  There have been men and women over the years in the 80's even that have finally, after all these years, received that high school degree.  Or that college degree.  Or finally have accomplished some great task they have wanted to do all their lives.  Why?  Because they set their mind to it and decided that that day was when they would start.

Perhaps you look at your life and think there is not enough time left to do what I always dreamed to do.  Maybe there is - or maybe there isn't.  You.don't.know..... until you begin.

Ephesians 2:10 (NIV):  "For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

Have you ever stopped and asked God "what do you want me to do with my life?"  Or even inquired if you should do this - or that?  Or have you blindly determined what you WANTED to do and pursued it?  I know several of us who gave us the things we had our hearts set on years ago to provide for our families.  Some of us turn to food, some to alcohol, some to pouring ourselves into work or other things that will numb the emptiness that ends up being inside of us.  We have done what we had to do.  But what has that left us?  Do we really believe that 'this is all that there is?'

God put that dream inside of us, and He wants to give us our heart's desire.  After awhile, we sorta gave up on those dreams, didn't we?  But God didn't.  Or perhaps that wasn't the dream that He had for you.  Because in the scripture above we see that we have been created to do good works - which God prepared in advance for us to do.   

Did God plan for us to work our entire lives?  Perhaps.  But during work (at least when we were at the office) we could do good to others; be Jesus to them.  But what about after work when the time is our own?  We can be Jesus to our families.  Our friends.  We can volunteer our time and talents.  We can pour ourselves into doing good.

I know men and women who work jobs during the day - and yet the evenings are filled with things that they enjoy.  Things like doing things with their children, their spouses.  Going places.  Doing things together.  When was the last time any of us did anything for someone else?

As I wrote that last question I was asking myself it.  Don't laugh, but baking is my love-gift.  I love to bake and give away.  I love to cook for others.  I'm happy to fix a full meal for someone else... and sit down to a salad for myself.  It's what I love to do.  So what things popped into my mind?  Pumpkin bread.  Cranberry pumpkin nut bread.  Lemon meringue pie.  White chocolate chip macadamia nut cookies.  Raisin Oatmeal cookies.  Snickerdoodles.  sigh.......  I want to bake but I can't eat any of it!!  I am sure I know some people who would love to have a batch of these items!  

I have so many cookbooks - for real and online.  I am often looking through them and making plans to make this or that.  Sometimes I follow through, sometimes I don't.  But I love looking at the recipes and dreaming of making them.  But time is limited for me - which is always my excuse.  That and I don't have it on hand - but it doesn't take a lot of effort anymore to go to the store.  I'm actually saving money too.  I go online to the grocery and chose the items I have on my list to buy.... and identify a time I will come pick them up from what is available.  I drive to the store at the appointed time, let them know I'm there (I love the new way they do this - they send me an email and when I'm on my way, I select 'on my way' button.  When I arrive, I select the 'I'm here' button.  Then it asks me what pickup location number I'm at - and within a short while they bring all the items I ordered to me and put in the trunk of my car.) I've saved money and my time.  And got what I needed.

I keep saying I want to start having family over - at least one a month.  Here it is the end of the month and I haven't done it yet.  I need to make that a priority.  Find a cookbook with a good recipe in it - or even do a variety of things and let them choose which tastes best to them.  I'm going to have to think on that... it will be fun.  Work, but a lot of fun and enjoyment for me.   So why don't I do it!!

What about you?  What is it that you keep putting off completing?  Do you want to start a garden of sorts?  Take a course in gardening and learn how to create a garden of your dreams.   Do you want to learn something?  Take a course from the community college.  Do you want to read more?  (Ok I know of one who always exceeds his goal on this one!)  Start today to read just a little!  Want things put away? (speaking to myself here!) Start with just one thing and put it where it belongs.  

Let's set our own goals for what we want to do.  Visit grandchildren; great grandchildren?  Visit parents?  Visit dear friends that because of the pandemic we haven't seen - and in some cases, haven't even talked to.  Don't become hermits and not spread your joy in your world.  

Start today - do that one thing you would like to see come to pass.  And... it's about time for me to jump on the computer... afterall, it's Thursday and a workday.  I know - I still have a lot of training sessions to get through.  I think I will see how many I can get through today.  Maybe, just maybe, I can get halfway through.  It's a goal for sure.  I have to do them, may as well do them and be done with them for this year.  Yeah, it's a yearly thing.

Start now.  Think about your dreams.  Think about how you need to take that first step.

Blessings!

It's there, but still fading.....

 I just took a look at my arm to see if the red blotch is still there.  It has faded quite a bit, but because I knew it was there and where it was, I can still see it.  Some people may not see it as clearly as I do, if they had not seen it before.  But it is fading, which is a good thing.  My headaches seem to go away for most of the day and although I woke up with it again this morning, am believing that it will go away again and I will be fine for the rest of the day.  I think I am finally 'done' with this vaccine reaction thing.  Praise God!  There were a couple times..... just saying.  People have had all kinds of reactions and I'm sure that what I have just experienced is a very minor reaction compared to most.  I wouldn't have shared it at all had it not been that I write in here.  My tell-all blog.  Ok, telling more than I should blog.  Whatever.  It's about me, right?

Today is Wednesday.  Hump Day.  Hubby chose not to go to his 5:30AM Bible study I'm thinking as he didn't not come in and tell me he was leaving.  Which he usually does.  He's been having a lot of pain with his shoulder - more so than usual, I think.  It keeps him awake every night, no matter what he is taking for it or what cream he puts on it.  Bone on bone, and for some reason the doctor is reluctant to give him a cortisone shot.  I'm not medical so I have no idea what could be done.  All we can do is pray for a restful nights sleep.  At least he has started getting up when he wakes up during the night and going to his recliner and trying to fall back to sleep, and sometimes does.  It keeps him from tossing and turning and keeping me awake as he has done many times.  One night I got up and came to this bed.  When he found me here the next morning and asked why, I told him.  So to keep from disturbing me now, he will get up.  And I'm grateful, although I do sleep good in this bed.  After all, I cannot take naps during the day - as a rule - and can't sleep in.  I do have a job I have to sign on for.  My life is not my own.

My daughter was telling me the other day that she was singing some nursery songs we all have grown up with to her granddaughter- when her daughter told her the songs were morbid.  I guess she had looked up the origin - and you know what?  The songs I was raised with, and taught to my daughter, ARE morbid!  'Ring around the rosey, pocket full of posey, ashes ashes, all fall down!' is something about a plague, the thought cure was carrying a pocket full of posies, when the people died, their bodies were burned (ashes) and then .....   Who would have thought?  Even 'rock a bye baby' has a story behind it.  Google them - interesting how songs were made of these circumstances and how they have been forwarded through generations.  I distinctly remember friends getting in a circle holding hands, walking around singing 'ring around the rosey', and when we got to 'all fall down' - we all fell down, and giggled!  Oh MY!  

Spent most of yesterday working on training modules that we have to do for work.  It wouldn't be so bad except that some of the modules are more than just one segment.  The one I worked on yesterday has 11 segments to it, and each one has about 10 slides to read, then 10 questions at the end that one is supposed to 'pass' or take over.  Out of the six or seven I completed yesterday (in between creating meetings and moving things), I only had to retake a test a couple times.  Some of that stuff we have to read has nothing to do with me, or what I do.  It's not even in my area.  But it is mandatory that we read it and take the quiz at the end.  It's a slow process, but I'm working on it - as is everyone else.  We have until July to finish it so I'm not stressing to get it done, but trying to do some every day.  Today will be no different.

Work may get crazy for the rest of this week and Monday... but then again, maybe not.  My 'big' boss is going to have knee surgery on Tuesday next week and doesn't plan to work for a couple weeks.  She will either send me meetings to make after her surgery or have me remove more meetings.  The second week she had said that she will have limited work hours.  So I left some of her easy meetings on the calendar.  Now she has had me remove them.  Will see what she has going the rest of this week.  I don't know what has happened to her calendar for today...when I looked at it last night nearly all of her meetings have disappeared off of it.  Is she declining them?  I don't know.  Maybe she is just getting 'short-term' fever... after all, June 11th is her last workday.

I've got a lot on my mind this morning, but nothing I need to write about.  It's been beautiful here the past day or so - although windy.  It's nice enough I even went outside and sat for awhile, enjoying the warmth of the sun on my skin.   Although I had Sheeba with me outside, it was nice to just be quiet and close my eyes and just 'be'.  It really is relaxing.

Just try it.  Yes, right now.  Lean back in your chair, lay your head against the back.  Put your hands in your lap or on the arm rests.  Now close your eyes.  Let your mind imagine beautiful fields, lakes, oceans.... whatever brings peace to you....  and breathe in and out.  You will feel so much more refreshed if you will do this throughout the day.  Be careful not to fall asleep for that can happen to!

"Try it, you will like it!"

Have a blessed day!

The cost can be high....

 I managed to get through the day yesterday without too much difficulty.  My boss, after hearing what I had been going through with vaccine reactions had told me that whenever I felt I needed to lay down and rest, to do so.  Around 2PM she checked with me again and asked how I was doing.  I told her I had managed to keep the headaches at bay with Ibuprofen so thought I was fine.  She said if I had told her I was struggling, she would have told me to sign off and lay down.  And I was fine.  I was fine all afternoon.  

I created an order for the grocery (I love that they do this!) and scheduled a time that I would come and pick it up.  I was starting to feel icky and had planned on hubby going with me for the pick up, but he didn't want to so I went alone.  The feeling progressed.   The clerk brought my groceries out and put them in the trunk.  I sat there for a few minutes, then backed up and headed home.  After putting things away I went on and fixed dinner.  So glad I had also ordered a roasted chicken so that we had a cooked warm chicken already to eat.  I just needed to add veggies to it.  I ate very little for nothing, although I could taste it, tasted good.

After dinner, starting to feel chilly and really tired, I sat on the couch for awhile and continued to read a book I have read before.  The God Chasers by Tommy Tenney.  I have been praying for God to renew my hunger for Him and I wanted to start with this book to stir me.  I read a couple chapters and then started yawning repeatedly so hubby asked me "why don't you go on to bed and rest?" and although it was 8PM, decided I would.  As I laid in bed I prayed over a couple requests given to me by my little sister earlier in the day, and then began to ask God again to stir a hunger to know Him more.  I eventually fell asleep.   A deep sleep.

A dream arose out of the darkness... I was laying down, appears to be on the couch, when an animal that looks like Sheeba jumps on me.  Its eyes were like a piercing light. Growling, it grabbed my hand and began to pull and bite it.  In my mind I was thinking Sheeba, for that is what this animal looked like.  I didn't feel afraid until it started growling and biting me.  I started screaming "no bite!  no bite!" and must have verbalized it for it woke me up.  I was drenched in sweat.  And I don't sweat.  I felt chilled...and shaken by the dream.  I laid there and looked at the clock.  It was after 11PM.  I closed my eyes and began to say the name of Jesus over and over again to clear my mind of such a horrible dream.  I couldn't fall back to sleep for awhile.  I became calm and finally dozed back off, awakening a couple more times during the night but refusing to look at the clock made myself try to sleep until time to get up.  A strange dream, right?

And as I sat here in my room this morning I have realized why I had this dream.   I have asked for more of God.  More of Him.  I have requested a hunger for more of Him.  I am actively seeking more of Him, not just asking.   And the devil doesn't like it.  Satan is trying to make me fearful of praying such a dream.  This dream wasn't of God, it wasn't even from what I had to eat.  No, this dream, I believe, was sent by Satan to frighten me.  Fear is not of God, unless it is fear of the Lord.  I refuse to be afraid of what lies before me or what could happen to me.  I belong to the Lord and He is my Protector and my Strength.  Nothing can happen to me unless He allows it.   And if He allows it, He will either take me through it, or take me Home to be with Him.  It's a win-win.

In the meantime, He is allowing this vaccine to continue to react within my body and cause me discomfort.  I am still weak; still having sinus headaches bad enough I have to take something to get it to go away.  The red blotch on my arm doesn't appear as red this morning, but it has grown.  I corresponded with a co-worker yesterday who suffered for about a week from another vaccine.  When I had told her what I had been feeling, she said hers lasted a week, and to expect the headaches to continue for that long.  In my mind I rebuke that.... and I will do whatever I need to do to get them to stop.  The weakness could come from not doing anything productive (other than sitting in my chair and working) for the past few days.  The chills I don't have an explanation for.  I'm just waiting for them to go away and stay away.  This is day 4 since I got the vaccine... so surely the process has ended and so will my discomfort.  

We don't always have an answer why things happen the way they do.  Some people have good always happening to them; others never seem to.  Why is that?  There is no answer.  Christians can go through the same things non-Christians do.  We've all seen it.  Sometimes it is good, sometimes it is not so good.  Regardless of what my circumstances are, regardless of what I am feeling, I have made the decision that I want more of God.  Will good things happen to me?  Yes!  Will bad things sometimes happen - especially because I am seeking God more deligently?  Yes!  Am I willing to go through it to get closer to God?  In a heartbeat.

He is worth it.  To be in the Presence of our Holy God is worth anything that you can possibly go through.  Walking with Jesus is the best thing, the best choice, anyone could make.   Do you remember the terrorists who lined up all those men, them wearing orange jumpsuits, and being made to kneel... all because they were Christians?  They refused to denouce their Lord.  These men walked with God and were not afraid to stand for Him.  Or kneel for Him.  And it cost them their very lives.  God took them through it, and took them to be with Him.

What are you thinking right now?  What if.... just what if... you surrendered your life to Jesus and told Him that "whatever comes at me, I will choose to stand with You?"  Regardless of how tough life could get, could you stand firm in believing that God has you in the palm of His hand?   All you have to do is ask Jesus to forgive your sins, that you believe He is the Son of the Living God, that He died on the cross for you, and rose again on the third day.  Tell Him that you believe!   It doesn't mean He will take things away from you.  He wants to bless you.  Life is a new adventure, just waiting on you to make the decision.

Choose Jesus.  He is the only Way.

Blessings!

And it continues within me....

 It appears the 2nd vaccine isn't finished ravaging my body.  Not only has it already left me with sinus headaches so bad I've been frequently taking Ibuprofen, but I noticed last night that my 'shot arm' has a huge red blot/rash (it's not bumpy, just puffy and red) about 5 inches across and 4 inches high.  It's warm, but not hot.  It's not itchy.  And my arm is sore again.  What is going on within my body?  This may be the 'normal process' of this vaccine, but I don't like it.  Just saying.

It's Monday and I'll be back at work in a couple hours.  I would rather just take a sick day - but then, to do what?  Lay in bed and sleep?  Sit and crochet?  I'd rather wait and take a sick day when I'm REALLY sick and really want to stay in bed.  Now I just want to sleep.  I got 10 hours of sleep according to fitbit Saturday night - and yet, I fought to stay awake Sunday afternoon, going to bed around 8:30PM.  So what happened?  I fell right asleep and at 1:15AM I was wide awake and tossed and turned for awhile, dozing on occasion, and finally making myself get up at 4:15AM.  I just don't feel like moving.  So here I sit in my chair this morning, reading my devotional, saying prayers, and typing this.

We didn't make it to the store yesterday so we are out of - gasp! - coffee.  Hubby is going to make a run to McDonalds about a mile down the road to pick us up some.  In fact, he just this moment walked in the door with a large coffee from McDonalds!  He's good at taking care of me.  He really is.  He may drive me crazy about everything else, but if I am in need, he is always willing to go get it for me.

I'm going to try to come back to life today - curling up on the couch is not my thing and I need to be busy.  Of course I will be busy with work today, but I will also tell my bosses if I get sleepy, I am going to stop and take a quick nap.  It's not something I do normally, but with this shot doing all it has to me, for today, I'm not going to rule that out.  We'll go to the store after work tonight.  Got to get moving so that I'll feel better.

I guess I wasn't doing too well yesterday morning when I first got up.  My brother had text'd to see if I was ok... and I didn't bother to respond.  I left my phone in here when I left the room to watch the church service.  During that time my brother had text'd again, asking if I was ok.  (we had chatted the night before so he knew I had had a rough evening).  Church was over and we had made our way to the kitchen when hubby got a phone call from the daughter.  Seems the brother contacted her because I wasn't responding.... so she called me and when I didn't respond to text or phone call from her, she called hubby.  He assured her that I was doing much better (she didn't know that I wasn't feeling good in the first place!) .  I got my phone and text'd my brother that I was doing better.  It's nice that he was worried about me.

Jeremiah 17:14 is a verse that I have been quoting frequently - especially lately.

"Heal me, O Lord, and I will be healed;  save me and I will be saved, for You are the one I praise."

I've been saying that frequently the past few days.  I know that He can instantly heal me, but sometimes it just isn't necessary.  But I keep praying it anyway.  Maybe He has allowed this so that Tom can take care of me.  It is humbling sometimes to allow others to take care of you and do things for you.  We argue that 'it's about time' or 'it's the least they can do'.... or we don't acknowledge it at all.  But, it's ok.  Sometimes God brings opportunities for others to take care of us - to serve us - as they take care of and serve others.  Would we hesitate to help a friend out?  So why would we hesitate to help a family member?

I listened to a message on the 23rd Psalm yesterday - do you remember it?  One of the illustrations was a story about a bunch of sheep running to get water and all you could hear was 'baa' 'baa' 'baa' 'baa'!  When they had finished drinking, the three shepherds, one by one, made their sound, and those sheep belonging to that shepherd would hurry off to get close to him.

And that's what we do.  We listen for our Shepherd's voice, and when He calls us, we run to Him.  There isn't anything better than being in the shadow of our Shepherd.   I want more of my Shepherd.  I've asked Him for more.

Will you?

Blessings!

coming out of it...

 As I mentioned yesterday, I received the 2nd dose of the Moderna vaccine on Friday afternoon.  Friday I was fine.  Saturday morning I had a bit of a headache but shrugged it off.  Got my massage, and because I didn't sleep real well the night before, yes, I fell asleep a couple of times while getting it.  

Let me back up a bit.  Before I went to get the massage, I thought I had better eat something so fixed an egg and sausage sandwich.  One bite and I didn't want it anymore.  Hubby didn't want it so it went in the trash.  I had no appetite.

After my massage I felt relaxed, but kind of 'eh'.  Came home and curled up with one blanket and tried to sleep a little, thinking it was just that I hadn't slept well the night before.  Couldn't sleep, so got up and got ready to go help my daughter unpack some things.  The great-granddaughter wasn't in a good mood so we spent about an hour getting her quiet and asleep before we could get started on the boxes.  Finally after a couple hours of unpacking I felt like I needed to go home.  I had managed to eat a protein bar while I was there, but still had no appetite and I was feeling weak.

Coming home I was so cold so I curled up under two blankets on the couch and slept most of the evening, much to hubby's dismay as he left the TV off so I could rest.  I was so cold and could not get warm.  Had no appetite for dinner and didn't feel like cooking.  So hubby made a run to KFC (which he never does; always insists we eat there) and brought home a small bucket of chicken, mashed potates, gravy and coleslaw.  He obviously was hungey, even though I couldn't even think about food.  He made me get up and go to the table and eat something so I had a wing and a leg, a spoonful of potatoes and coleslaw.  It just had no taste..  I finished and went back to the couch under my two blankets and slept until about quarter til eight when hubby told me to go to bed.  I didn't argue.

My head was pounding again (sinus area) so I took an ibuprofen and to bed I went.  Woke up at 11:18, and another time or two during the night, took more ibuprofen, and finally getting up about 5:30AM to come in here.  And after taking another ibuprofen for my headache, I slept for about another hour in here.  I don't really feel like reading this morning, just want to sit quietly.  In fact, I fell asleep for another hour and I just realized I had not even thought about putting something in here.  

In reflecting on my son's comment in his blog I read this morning, yes, you probably should go ahead and get the shot(s) because you do smoke and drink.  Your lungs would never be able to hold up under this virus.  And, your wife may get really sore from the shot; your sister said she was told if you had had covid the first shot will hurt really bad but the second one won't be as bad.  She's scheduled to get her 2nd shot next week.

I didn't think I'd have any problems at all.  I really didn't.  Especially when the first shot didn't even hurt my arm.  I figured I was immune to any discomfort.  But my general malaise and headaches are not the normal thing for me, plus my arm has been sore, and has anyone known me not to have a good appetite?  I contribute it all to the 2nd shot.  I'm glad it's over.  

I had questioned a lot of friends and family after they had gotten the shots.  My brother had the Pfizer with no side effects he said; his wife had the Moderna with no side effects.  My little sister had the Pfizer with no side effects.  So why would I think I would feel bad?  Friends at work were sick after their second shot from a day to a week.  Hubby didn't even have any reaction other than needing an extra nap during the day.  But it knocked me on my butt.   Of course, part of it could be because I'm home.  I could crochet, watch TV, or read.  BOREDOM.  Not much left to do.  I think if I had something to do I would have handled it better.  As it was, I chose to sleep...other than the fact I was chilled.  At least I am done now.  If I had something to do, I would have pushed through it.

Today is Sunday and I need to get up and get the computer ready for us to watch Jentezen Franklin this morning.  He comes on at 8AM now due to the time change.  We need to head to the grocery today; out of a lot of things.  Of course I don't buy much with us being on this new meal plan, but I do need to buy some meat,  fresh veggies, and some eggs, almond milk for my shakes, etc.

I hope I come to life soon.  Right now my head is starting to hurt again so another ibuprofen is on the agenda.  I rarely get headaches anymore; I hope this isn't the start of something different.

Sorry no real stories to tell today.... my head isn't functioning right.  I'm wanting to go back to sleep, and just stay away from activities, but need to get up and get moving.

And Sheeba is at my door, wanting to come greet me.

Have a great Sunday.

I'm done. Finished. Hopefully no more!

 Hubby took me yesterday afternoon to get my second dose of the Moderna vaccine.  😒  Deep down I didn't want to go... but knew that I 'had' to in order to finish up the two dosages.  And there is 'talk' of the possibility a third may be needed.  I think I'm going to pass on that one unless forced to do it.  The only reason I got the vaccine in the first place is because I felt my position at the office would require me going in - and the CMO is having it put in meetings "if you haven't had the vaccine, you need to stay home and call in for the meeting.  If you've had the vaccine, feel free to call in virtually or come in person."  Sounds like double standards to me - but that is my interpretations.  In fact, my one boss has not gotten the vaccine yet and she has received a meeting that is "in person" and they didn't provide a call-in number so I had to contact the admin and tell them "per HR standards, a virtual number must be provided for those who don't want to come in.  And yet, my other boss has gotten both vaccines and she still chooses to call in virtually.  At least I'm done and over with it - and of course now we won't be going in to the office for awhile yet.  At least I can freely move about (as I did before the vaccine) and not get a lot of comments about not having the vaccine.  Like, if I'm with people who have had the vaccine, and I hadn't, why are they worried I might give it to them?  None of it makes sense.  I've gotten both so now I'm 'done'.  More than done, actually.

My left upper arm is pretty sore this morning but I can still move it so that is the only reaction I have at the current time.  It was mentioned that mid-afternoon today I may get really tired for 3-4 hours.  I don't think that is unusual at all!  Hubby said he felt really tired and had to take a nap.  (giggle)  When I was told about getting tired, I made a comment to the doctor that was what hubby had said.... and he came back with "well, he probably always takes a nap around that time anyway."  True! True!  

My day is somewhat busy, yet uneventful.  I have a massage scheduled at 9AM this morning.  Want to get the massages used up so that I can cancel my 'membership'.  Then I will get a massage when I want one... and I can now, but that is why I have 8-10 built up - I've paid for them but haven't gone.  And with moving, we are a good 45 minutes away from that location, which is the one we really like.  I went to the one nearby one time - and was uncomfortable with the hautiness of the reception area and the masseuse was just 'ok'.  I like the one I have now.  In fact, I am pretty confident that I may fall asleep again this morning.  I sometimes do when getting a massage.  I wake myself up snoring... or going 'mmmmmmm' because I'm face down and on a warm 'bed' and comfortable. Embarrassing.

Home for awhile after that and then I plan to head over to the daughter's to help her with some of the unpacking.  I'm not sure how many boxes are left, but I find it easier to unpack and leave setting out - then she can just put everything away.  Besides, I hear she is baby-sitting the great-granddaughter this weekend so I'll get to see her as well.  Win-Win  right?

I read in my one devotional this moring about the word 'gumption'.  We don't hear that word much anymore, do we?  Do you even know what gumption is?  Let me give you Webster's definition.  Oh this is funny.  "Common sense."  "Horse sense."  Also "Enterprise" and "initiative to try".   Basically it's someone who is willing to step up and step out and do something!  Do you agree?  As in..."she had the gumption to study and take that test."  or "he had the gumption to jump that hurdle."   Interesting.  But in our lives, what is OUR gumption?  I certainly do not want to jump any hurdles - nor do I want to study and take that test!

Gumption.  Sometimes having gumption to just get through the day is more than enough some of us can handle.  How would you use the word gumption in contrast to your own life?

You just don't hear that word anymore.  In fact, if you think about it, a lot of words that we grew up with are no longer being used.  What I find sad is that the dictionary is removing words that need to stay there.  People are removing their history.  Fifty years from now, will anyone remember what specific words meant to this generation?  It's history and I'm disappointed that the dictionary is bowing down to the divide.  Enough said.

I stopped my my middle child's yesterday for a few minutes and his wife had bought several flower plants to put out.  Reminded me I still need to go and pick up one or more flower starts as I have empty pots sitting around outside.  Well, I put them in the cabinet out of sight, but one, and would like to put more flowers out.  I mentioned that a few weeks ago I remembered that her mother had given me an aloe plant back in 1996 when we first moved into our last house and I had planted it next to the front windows.  I thought about it recently and realized I did not get a start off of it to bring over here.  Not that it is a big deal, but I had intended to.  Also, I had some Iris bulbs a friend had given me and I had planted back in the early 2000's... and forgot to dig up a couple to bring with me.  Last time I was by the house it looked like they were totally gone.

And that's good... the new owner is making the house hers.  Just as we have done here.  Or am attempting to.  Still have some things I'd like done... but .. I have conflicts in doing them myself and someone else won't or can't do them... ok - not going to go there.

Anyway - it's Saturday and hopefully going to be a beautiful day.  Hope that you have an awesome day and weekend.  Be safe, be careful, and most of all, love your family.  

Blessings!

Crazy thoughts, dream, and emotions.....

 I had a crazy dream last night.  I mean, like as in, it makes no sense whatsoever.  I'm sure we all have had those type of dreams.... but this is also revealing and disturbing.  Those who have read these 'blogs' (gripe sessions sometimes) know how smothering and annoying my hubby can be to me sometimes.  This dream emphasizes it, I thnk.  And the end of it as well.  I don't know what triggered it.  Perhaps it was just something inside of me that cries out.  The dream?  Here goes:

I was at the office and hubby was with me. He was pushing a cart (as he always does when he goes to the grocery with me) so I am assuming I was taking things in to the office.  A co-worker had photos on her phone and wanted to show them to me.  I was finished with whatever I was doing and told hubby he could go ahead and leave.  I stopped to look at the photos.  No....hubby said he wanted to see the photos too (although they were of her and her children).  So he makes her show him as she is showing me.  I'm annoyed (of course), and told him again that he could leave, I didn't need him to do anything.  He looked at me and said 'NO'.  So I took off running down the hallway to get away from him, and one of my granddaughters was standing by the elevator and said 'come on, grandma, get in here with me' and she stepped into an open elevator that was starting to go down without the door shutting.  I told her no, I'd grab the next one and jumped into it and hit the 'close door'.  As the elevator started to move - very fast - I looked down and there was a piece of paper on the floor that was extremely wet.  Then the floor was covered with water.  I realized that water was coming into the elevator from somewhere.  So I hit a button so that I could get out and the panel fell off the wall as the elevator jerked to a stop in between floors.  And the water kept filling up. It was waist deep by then.... and I woke up.

Any ideas as to what that is about?  The only thing I can think of is that I am 'smothered' and 'drowning' .. and those that know me may understand those two words of description.  It was just a weird dream.  Perhaps it is because I mentioned something I wanted to do last night and hubby grimaced as if he didn't want to do it.  Fine, he doesn't have to.  

So it must have been on his mind all night for when he brought my coffee in this morning the first words out of his mouth are "why do we ......".  I just looked at him and said "because I want to."  He handed me my coffee and walked away.  

And the song that keeps running through my head this morning is "Jesus be the Center, all that I desire is You.  Jesus be the Center, everything revolves around You, Jesus, You."    I do want Jesus to be the center of my life.  I want every decision I make to have His input, His imprint upon it.  Sometimes I rush to it and don't wait for Him to answer me.  And sometimes that doesn't work out too well.  I need to ask Jesus.... and then wait.  Little things as well as big things.  Should I do this?  Or should I do that?  I definitely don't know the answers to all things.  I'm glad that Jesus can make my decisions for me, but many times I don't wait for the answer.  I try to, especially in the big things.  (by the way, what I wanted to do wasn't a big thing.  I probably won't even remember it an hour from now.)

I ended up taking hubby to lunch yesterday to celebrate his birthday - and it wasn't Lonestar, it is Longhorn Steakhouse.  Service was excellent.  It was fairly quiet at noon and the food was excellent.  We had discussed out in the car that we would not identify we were celebrating anything because I knew they would bring a huge sundae.  After getting our ice tea orders, we are asked "are you celebrating anything?"  I look at hubby and back at her and said 'his birthday but if you don't have any desserts that are diet, the answer is no".  Hubby orders for lunch a steak, loaded baked potato, and (yeck) honey roasted brussel sprouts.  I ordered a strawberry/grilled chicken salad (which was very good, by the way).  So much for the diets.  They started by bringing bread.  I should have spoken up and said 'please, no bread'.  But did I?  Of course not.  Diet or no diet, I LOVE BREAD.  Especially those little warm loafs they bring out.  Hubby talked me into the end piece (which I love).  With butter.  I ended up eating three slices.  I'm already getting full.  We get our food and I couldn't even eat all my salad.  When hubby finished, our hostess comes back and asks "are you sure you don't want a birthday sundae to share?"  I just looked at hubby and he goes "yes, we'll have that'.  sigh.  And so we shared it. Yes, I totally blew my 'good meal plan" by eating bread and ice cream sundae.  That would have been ok, but.....

After work yesterday I took hubby to see the daughter's new house.  We stayed a few minutes then headed back home.  I was starting to get hungry (after all, I DID have a salad) and this was about 7 hours later.  Hubby said he wasn't hungry really, but if I wanted to stop.... he wanted to go some place where we could go in and eat.  I told him no (and I was driving!!) that I was going to do drive through and take it home.  I am tired and just want to go home.  Swinging into Arby's he decides he wants the beef and cheddar sandwich, and I got the classic roast beef, french fries and he got his Dr. Pepper.  We ate it when we got home and I debated on removing the bread and just eating the meat.... but decided to just eat it (and the french fries, which I did share).  SO I totally blew yesterday's meal planning.  My fault, my responsibility, my decision.

And today is a new day and I am putting myself back on track.  I had lost 7.6 pounds as of last Monday... don't expect any this week with eating unhealthy yesterday.  But I am now having to wear a belt cause my pants have started sliding down.... so at least I can 'feel the results' ... hopefully I will not pack any more there!  I do need to get back to my exercising... no more excuses.... I have my treadmill back.  At least 25 more pounds to go.  I don't even care about the weight... I want the inches to go down!  Of course hubby has to do everything I do so he is getting 'back on track' today too.  Pan face.  He is meeting his friends for breakfast this morning so he'll have bacon and eggs and leave off the toast and hash browns.  

I need to get up and get moving this morning.  I hope that you know what is the Center of your heart, your life.  I can't let food be my center; but I can let Jesus be my Center.  He gives me all that I have.  He provides for my every need.  He listens to me ... always... and not even my close friends do that.

Thank Jesus for providing for You and ask Him to help you through today.  Lord knows we ALL need His help to get through work on a Friday!

Blessings!

I got busted.... and an addendum

 The cleaning lady is to come today (yes, we have one because hubby has totally quit cleaning the house.  That was what he said he would do 14 years ago when he quit work and insisted on my continuing to work.  "My job will be to keep the house clean and do all the dishes."  All he has continued to do is the dishes, which I sometimes do because there are very few dishes used.  He has failed to keep up his end of the agreement.  Well, it wasn't an agreement.  He refused to work so he may as well do something, right?  So now we have a cleaning lady and her son come in once a month and clean the house and they do a great job of it.  The son will even get a ladder and climb up to dust the bookcases that are floor to ceiling!  The house always smells so good when they are finished with everything.  And, I make hubby "pay" for it out of the joint account since he is the one who isn't doing what he said he would and wants someone else to do it.  

Anyway.... on to being 'busted'.  Remember the yarn I told you I had in bags next to the side of the bed in this bedroom?  Well, it's been a couple months now, right?  And each month I've picked them up so that the cleaning people can run the sweeper in here.  This time is no different.  The stack has been reduced only slightly as it does take time to complete a project.  So I still have quite a bit of yarn here.  I picked it up last night and put it on the bed.  Hubby walks in last night and sees them, and comes out and asks me "what is all that stuff on the bed?"  "Yarn."  "When did you get it?"  "A couple months ago."  "Where have you kept it and why is it on the bed?"  "On the side of the bed and because the cleaning people are coming tomorrow."  "What are you going to do with it?"  "After the cleaning people leave I will put it back on the floor - I have no place to put it."  and so the conversation goes.    This is why I can't go to Michaels or JoAnn's.  In fact, I purposely stay away.  I have finished four projects this past month and have several others started, but I've used yarn on my shelf and not on the bed.  And that's ok.  It isn't hurting anything.  When I find room, I'll move to the shelf.

Today is hubby's 84th birthday.  I'm grateful that he is basically in good health.  I am concerned that he gets confused at times (but then, so do I - but not quite like he does) about things that he has done before.  For example, he has had his phone for over a year, and has had smart phones prior to this one.  He still has difficulty sending a message to someone, and will often ask how to put more than one person on a text so that he can send to his group of men.  Then he gets frustrated if it comes up green instead of blue (identifying they don't have an iphone, sometimes) or if it doesn't show that it has been 'delivered' or 'read' immediately.  I don't understand much about my new phone either (yeah, I got a new one last week) but as long as I can call and receive calls and texts, I'm good.  I don't care about all the whistles and gadgets that go with it.  I'm not 'married' to my phone.  My phone is for my convenience.  If it rings and I'm not available, I don't need to rush to answer it.  If I hear a text and don't want to read it then, I don't have to.  My phone does not own me.  It is for my convenience to talk with others. Period.

I told hubby last night that I would take him out to dinner tonight for his birthday.  I'd do breakfast - and it would be ok with my bosses - but the cleaning people are coming.  I thought about lunch - which I think I'd really prefer to do - and I'll put that out to hubby closer to that time.  He finally asked if we had an Outback close by - it's a few miles away but not a big deal.  I'll go wherever he wants to go, but if he wants steak, I'm sure there are places just as good closer to home.  In fact, perhaps I'll go online today and see what - oh wait - I think there is a LoneStar or something not far from here and I went there on our Hailey getaway last year.  I had steak too and it was delicious.  A little pricey but very well worth it.  I'll have to check where it is and tell hubby that's where I'm taking him.   It's better than Outback, in my opinion and the service was excellent.

God has been good to us by giving us many years to live.  Hubby was choking up yesterday as he read a text from a high school friend's daughter that her dad has been placed in palliative care.  He often comments that his friends from high school are dying off.  I just let him talk.  

Addendum:  Hubby received a call within the hour after I wrote this blog... his friend passed away this morning.  The shock of a broken hip - and they also found he had a broken femur - and it was too much for his body to handle.  Hubby is doing ok; just choked up and sorrowful.

My older sister often talks about her friends (what few she has maintained over the years) are all dying and there are very few left.  I'm glad I have lots of friends - and I choose to have young friends as well as old friends.  Dying is a part of life.  We mourn our loss of their love and friendship, but we should celebrate that they lived life.  My hope is that when I pass on that my children will - just a little - mourn at my passing, but also celebrate that I lived life and made memories that they can share with their children and grandchildren.  I choose to celebrate a life well lived, then mourn at the loss for the rest of my life.  Miss my Mamacita?  Miss my brothers?  Of course I do.  I think of them often.  It bothers me that my youngest brother's line ended with him as his three children were burned to death in the fire.  My children knew him the best as he lived with us a short while.  But ... all we have are memories.  I hope they will never forget their uncle... and yet... there is nothing to help them remember.

Ok - now I've started going back in my mind and thinking ... so I need to quit that. :-)  It's a beautiful day and a good day to live.  Did you know that Indiana got snow again yesterday?  My brother sent me videos of the snow all around his yard.  It looks so beautiful.  My brother in law called hubby yesterday and said there was ice on the trees and two branches on the tree next to his driveway had broken off due to the weight of the ice.  This is the end of April - what in the world is going on??  Crazy weather that we have - mid-afternoon the wind is blowing hard here nearly every day.

Yesterday - I did get the bouquet of flowers from my bosses.  I had actually forgotten so was surprised.  We have a program at work called MVP+.  Just the MVP (most valuable person of course) is a card that you can choose and send internally to someone and identify if they are 'customer obsessed', or whatever other topics they have.  I frequently send those to my coworkers.  But for those who go'above and beyond' there is MVP+.  I was very surprised yesterday when I got one from both of my bosses.  It includes (hence the +) a $25 'choice' of gift card from different places or merchandise.  I went through it yesterday and didn't really see anything I wanted... LOL  of course I found a couple things that made me think of a specific great granddaughter for Christmas.   I need to go through the list again.  If I'm drawn to that item again will have to check with the granddaughter.  I don't think they are a 'needed' item, and will be in the way... but she also may already have them.  Maybe I will just go with a gift card.  

I am so blessed and am so grateful to God for His faithfulness to me.  I am able to get up every morning and spend time with Him.   My son-in-law blessed me with this laptop he gave me and I keep it next to my chair so that every morning I can get it to type in here.  Whether it is a blessing to you or not is another subject for another day. :-)  But if I had to get up and go to it, I probably wouldn't do this on a daily basis.  So is that a blessing?  It gives you something to read each morning. 

Sit back for a moment and truly think about how blessed you are.  You are alive.  You can make your own choices - good and bad.  You have people surrounding you who love you.  And you have Jesus who loves you even more.  He loves you so much He went to the cross for you.  There is no greater love than that.  Count your blessings, one by one; see what the Lord has done for you.

Blessings!

Admin Professional Day

 Yep - that is what today is.  It used to be called Secretary Day.  Then Administrative Assistant Day.  And now, Administrative Professional Day.  Why all the changes?  Because people complained that even though their title was not "secretary", they were still doing administrative work.  Therefore, they were entitled to all the benefits that are entailed with it.  Know what?  I don't care.  

I mean, it's always nice to be recognized for your work, but my bosses are both good to me with their words throughout the year.  I don't need a big bouquet of flowers (which I get nearly each year from one or both) for them to show their appreciation.  (and how many bosses 'do something' just because it is that day and the rest of the time are not a good boss?)   Last year we had been sent home to work, so I received a huge bouquet of flowers from both my bosses.  Very thoughtful and nice.  I enjoyed them.  But last year it felt 'odd' and I felt left out.  Why?  Because my one boss always buys me something personal along with the flowers, something that shows her appreciation in other ways.   My other boss often sends a $100 Amazon gift card and that works well too.   I expect flowers today - if anything.  But it's ok if they don't.  I know they appreciate my work and my attention to them.  I don't need material things.  Sometimes all I need is "Thank you for doing this."  "I really appreciate you." and things like that.  They tell me that frequently - which is why I also love my job.  It's not that it is always easy... cause it isn't.... it is because although my one boss drives me absolutely insane sometimes..... I love my bosses and we have a great  relationship.  That is worth its weight in gold.

Relationships.  The package arrived at my granddaughter's house yesterday so I sent her a quick note that it had been delivered in case she didn't know it.  She text'd me shortly after and asked if I would like a facetime chat so I could watch our great-granddaughter open the box.  Of course I did!  I got to watch her open the box and pull out her gifts and she was being silly.  I bought her a cloak with a hood that is soft and she seemed to love it.  Also three books about dinosaurs, which she loves, and I hope she doesn't already have.  I got to see a grandson that was there as well, which was a great surprise.   I'm hoping we can make a trip to see them in June.  It isn't that far, really, but I'm going to insist on driving which may be the stopper.  Go down on a Saturday and come back on Sunday works for me.  Hubby can't take the same day trips anymore.  Or he just refuses to.  sigh.

I love the relationships I have with my grandchildren and am trying to make with the great grandchildren.  They will never understand how much I love them... just like my own children never completely get it that I love them so much and I just want to be with them and help them and listen to them and .... no guilt trips.... life is busy and mine is complicated most of the time.  I get it.  And I need to let them live their own lives.  And I need to live mine.

Just like we all have our own relationship with Jesus.  Either He is Lord of your life, or He isn't.  Either He is the One you turn to in times of difficulty knowing He will walk you through it, or you have moved Him to the end of the line and give no thought to Him and seeking Him.  I guess in a way it is kind of like a parent.... we have 'authority' when the child lives under our roof....... but when they move out on their own, it is their choice to continue to include us in their lives.  More often than not, they get so wrapped up in their own lives, and they are so used to the parent always 'being there'.... they don't realize that time is slipping away.

I realized that in my own life, long after the fact.  I will admit that I took my mother for granted most times.  Mainly because I lived in another state.... but the last couple years of her life I called her nearly every day and we chatted about life.  If I didn't feel good, I'd always call and say "mommy, I don't feel good".  And she would always respond, "well, what is wrong that you don't feel good?"  And I would tell her and she'd give me advice on how to make the symptoms easier to bear.  After we moved out here and I gained a Mexican son-in-law, I got to where I would call my mother 'Mamacita' and she loved it.  She often referred to herself as 'your mamacita' when we were talking.  It became my name for her instead of 'mother'.  We had a relationship in which we could share things.  Granted, I had to watch what I told her for it wouldn't be long and the rest of the family knew it too!  That's one thing I've learned....don't share what you don't want told.

There is One who you can tell ANYthing to and it will never be shared.... and that is Jesus.  I can't tell you how many times I've run to Him to tell of my pain or sorrow, the anger or distrust, the frustration... all the emotions you can think of... and yes, run and tell Him of my joy and happiness as well.  Jesus always listens to me and gives me what I need.  He comforts me when I am in distress; He calms my anxious heart; He walks with me throughout the day so that I don't feel alone; He gives me the strength and clarity I need - just when I need it.  And yes, He has even spoken to me, and even just saying my name has flooded me with love and joy and happiness.  He loves me.  And as long as I keep Him as my focus day by day, He is always walking with me closely.

Just like with you.  Jesus loves you so much that He will wait patiently for you to turn to Him and talk with Him.  He doesn't force Himself on you and demand you do things 'His way'.  No, He waits because He wants to walk with you and talk with you.  The little things that happen that are 'just a coincidence'.. well, no.  He's trying to get your attention.  You need help with something and you are struggling?  Even when you don't specifically ASK Him, He knows you need help and will often give you the wisdom you need to figure something out - or will give you the calmness you need to figure it out.  He's that good to you.

Sometimes He uses other people to help you.  Don't turn them away, they are blessing you because they have been blessed.  It's all about relationships.  I want more of Jesus, so I continue to seek His face, His favor, and seek to know Him more.  He provides all that I will ever need... and more.  His blessings cover me.

Test Him in this.  Surrender your problem to Him and ask Him to help you through it.  See what He does.  Consequences can happen if it isn't something good, but God is sometimes also in the consequences, wanting to draw you near to Him.

Are you game to test Him?  Test Him in His blessings to you.  Things that you take for granted... did He not give them to you?  Everything you have is a blessing from God.  You didn't 'earn' it.  It was His gift.  Whether it be finances or family.... He made them yours.  Stop and thank Him for what He has done for you.  

Have a good spouse?  Thank God for them.  Your children are doing well?  Thank God for them.  Life is good?  Thank God for it.

Feel lighter?  Yeah, that's God too.

Blessings!

I was wrong....

 Yesterday was a special great-granddaughter's 4th birthday... and for some reason I was thinking it was two days before hubby's (which is Thursday). As hubby and I discussed it earlier yesterday, he confirmed his thinking on it... and as I read my son's blog yesterday, I believe he mentioned it was Tuesday.  Of course he writes at all hours so it could have been Sunday evening he wrote and said tomorrow, and not Monday morning meaning Tuesday.  Anyway.... when I got to thinking about it, I decided to check with the granddaughter and just ask.  When she responded.... she gave me an excuse that the notice went out on the 20th as it was 11:52PM that our little one was born.... but I can't accept the excuse... she is 4 years old now.  I went to her first birthday party, and I know I have said "happy birthday" before.  Somehow I wrote it wrong in my mind and in my calendar.  But my granddaughter is gracious... at least I didn't forget the birthday.  I did order some things from Amazon earlier and I think they will be delivered today...which I thought was her birthday.  Originally Amazon said Wednesday, but I got a notice last night they would be delivered today.  YAY!  I still have a stuffed dinosaur in my car that one day I hope to personally give to her.  Our great-granddaughter is such a beauty - much like her mother.

See, I can admit when I'm wrong.  I've been wrong about a lot of things, but I try not to be.  Some things are just silly things.... but still wrong, nevertheless.

I went to bed early last night - around 8PM, I think it was.  For some reason, mid-afternoon yesterday my sinus area started hurting until it was a full-fledged headache.  I haven't had one of those in a long, long time.  I took an ibuprofen earlier but it hadn't helped.  By 8PM I told hubby I was going to bed; took another pill and I was out like a light.  I rarely take any medication for anything so when I do, it usually acts fast on me.  I slept until about 10:30PM, looked at the clock and went back to sleep, not waking again until about 3:40AM.  I dozed until my fitbit buzzed at 4:00AM and got up to do my quiet time.  My head feels much better this morning.  I don't know what triggered that yesteday; the wind has been blowing a lot lately, but I don't have allergies so don't have a clue what caused it.  Unless it is because I forgot to eat lunch.  Yeah, that happens sometimes.

I was reading in I Samuel 15 tihs morning where Saul disobeyed God.  Saul had been told to kill all the Amalekites including all the animals.  Wipe the entire city out.  But Saul disobeyed.  The Bible doesn't really say why Saul directly disobeyed God, but the asumption is that he wanted to 'make an example' of King Agag by displaying his capture.  Regardless of King Saul's reasoning... his blame shifting to his army when Samuel confronted him on his disobedience to the Lord (they wanted the best cattle and sheep to sacrifice to the Lord), did not justify what he did or allowed.  God said to destroy them all, including all the cattle and sheep.  King Saul also made excuses for what he and his army did... "I was afraid ...".  

Unfortunately, that disobedience tore the kingdom away from Saul and it was given to a shepherd boy... David, who became the great King David.

When has our disobedience to the Lord caused something to be ripped away from us?  Maybe we don't look at it that way, but if you think about it, disobedience has caused a lot of problems for a lot of people.   Disobedience to God in maintaining a pure marriage relationship has caused many divorces.  Taking things that don't belong to you without paying for them can cause prison sentences.  Walking away from responsibility of caring for your family often results in poverty and distrust in the family that was left.  So many times we do what we want to do and not think about the consequences of how what we do - or have done - affects those we say we love the most.  But God.  

John 3:16 - For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whosoever believeth on Him would not perish, but have everlasting life.  

In spite of our disobedience, God gave us His Son, who bled and died for us.  Taking all our sins and burdens on the cross, He bore them for only one reason.  That we should believe in Him and have everlasting life with Him.  But in believing in Jesus, we also ask for forgiveness of our sins.  He took them all away on the cross, for you, and for me.  

In Psalm 23 there is a verse that says "He restores my soul".  That's wha Jesus does when you turn to Him and seek Him.  He restores the soul you feel you have lost.  Reclaim that which is yours today.  Declare that you are seeking Jesus to be the lover of your soul.  Tell the evil one to get out of your life, out of your home, and bring restoration and healing to your soul, your body, your family, your relationships.  Declare the goodness of God over your home.

A friend and I were discussing in a meeting (between the two of us) yesterday about how easy it is to be caught up in the world.  Things that we don't even realize is 'of this world' that we put before God.  We discussed how a friend of mine a couple years ago was sharing she has buddha statues in her house because she loves the 'fat baby'.  She even has a huge picture on her dining room wall of this 'fat baby' cause she thinks he is cute.  Now I know that she believes in God and Jesus and had been going to church so this revelation dumbfounded me.  I was totally caught off guard - but I confronted her about it and asked if she realized that these statues and the pictures she had throughout her house were idols that she had brought into her home.  She argued with me they weren't idols, they were just cute 'fat baby pictures and things'.  From then on she had nothing to do with me.  For several months I couldn't figure out why she was treating me with such distance.  She avoided having lunch with me.  Then suddenly her husband collapsed at his work with major health complications.  A few weeks later she suffered several heart issues and had to have heart surgery.  Her husband has taken months to recover, and she was on long term disability for nearly a year.  During this time the thought occurred to me that she had not spoken to me since we had lunch together that day and I confronted her on the Buddha statues and pictures in her home.   Now I could be totally wrong.... but I believe God allowed the health issues so that her eyes would be opened to what was revealed to her.  You cannot even have 'fat baby' pictures of Buddha as it is still an idol even if you don't worship it.

Did she learn from those situations?  I don't know because although she is now back to work and we have chatted the 'how are you doing' conversations.... she has never been as friendly has she been in the past.  I prayed for her and her husband Brian to have their eyes opened to the Truth.  I did what I was led to do.... reveal the idols to her that she just thought was 'cute'... it is up to her to process that and decide what to get rid of.

Several years ago hubby and I read a book on ridding our home of things that did not belong there.  We threw away several momentos of the past that we hung on to for various reasons.  Immediately our home felt 'lighter' because these things were removed - although we had them out of sight in most cases.  It's hard to explain... but I would suggest that you think about things that you may have that you 'worship' or 'look up to' for various reasons.... things that take your mind off of God and onto someone or something else.

Anything that takes your mind off of God is an idol.   What are you holding on to because of a 'memory'?  Has that memory become more important than God is to you?

Things to think about...... Jesus is to be the One focus of your heart and your life.  Only then will your life be complete.  Is He?

Blessings!

I'm glad there's coffee.....

 I generally have at least one cup of coffee every morning.....hubby will get up after me and then make me a cup of coffee and bring in to me to have as I do my quiet time.  I've never asked him to do this, but he chooses to do this for me.  I sometimes take it for granted, and sometimes I'm looking at my watch wanting my coffee and knowing he is still in bed.  I enjoy a good cup of coffee and at most places that is hard to find.  We've tried different brands of k-cups for our Kerig and we both pretty much agree that medium to bold is the best.   Sometimes I will even have two cups of coffee ... especially on weekends... or when I wake up with a headache and need more caffeine to get rid of it.  Strong caffeine at that.

Yesterday was a very quiet day around our place.  We listened to Jentezen Franklin's message yesterday morning then decided to listen to the Baptist church that we are looking at.  We watched the Saturday evening service..... I told hubby that just watching it I felt old.  Not that that is a bad thing.... I just don't FEEL old.  That's ok, isn't it?  To not feel old?  I'm just not used to watching a worship team of people in their 70's and 80's (judging by looks) and the beat has slowed to a 1 and a 2 (versus 1-2-3-4)  (does that make sense?).  We watched that service ... and then I went to the Sunday morning service so that we could see how it was.  Same message, of course (with which neither of us were impressed with).  They had a choir, there was a special song, then the pastor started the message.  We didn't rewatch the rest.  Again, being in a 55+ community and this church is in the middle of it... yeah... even Sunday morning was full of 'old' people.  

I love old people, don't get me wrong!  I adore them and love to spend time with them.  And I could probably adjust if going to a church here in our community is what we end up doing.  But I am afraid.  Yes, I am afraid of becoming old.  Not by age, but in actions.  Being around young people keeps me young and active.  I push myself to do things (like lifting light weights, exercising, etc.) because I don't want to be my mother.

Now I loved my mother.... but she was lazy.  I never remember her cleaning the house, doing dishes.  She cooked and sat down (pretty much what I do now).  She wasn't involved in things (which has been hard to do due to the current pandemic).  Oh she and my step-father traveled some - out here a couple times, and often spending the winter in Florida...in an RV park full of other retirees.  I don't want to be my mother, hanging around old people all the time.  When you do that, you become them.

I want to LIVE.  I know I can't do a lot of things I've done in the past.  I'm restricted on just what I can do now.... some of you understand that statement.... but I am afraid that if we start just hanging around old people, I will become like them.  I already live with an old person (at least one who acts old all the time) and I struggle constantly not to .... ok, enough.

So what did we do yesterday after watching the church services?  I made a new dish for lunch... something almost like mackeral patties, only with salmon, and cooked them in the air fryer.  I cheated (again) and also cooked us about 7 tater tots apiece (I'm still using food I have in the freezer) and then I fixed asparagus for our greens.  I was full all day and so was hubby.  With having our 'snacks' in between .. neither of us were hungry enough for a dinner (yay!!) so I didn't have to cook again.    I finished one baby blanket yesterday and have started another.  We watched three movies yesterday (which is totally unusual, but that shows you how long I sat on that couch crocheting!)  Two I've seen before - several times, but enjoy them - and one we hadn't seen before but it was fun to watch.  I think it was called The Perfect Romance or something like that.  Watched it via prime video on our TV.

That was our day yesterday - very restful for sure - and somewhat quiet.  I did manage to read a few chapters of a book before going to bed last night - and ordered another book that my sister text'd me and told me it  was so good I needed to get it.  It should be here Tuesday or Wednesday I think.  As if I don't have books on my kindle and on my bookcase that I haven't read yet.... and I still order more.  It is just too easy to order things on Amazon.  But I love books and I love to read.  I still need to keep myself at crocheting when hubby has the TV on and reading when he doesn't.  I can't just sit still and do nothing.

Reminds me of a T-shirt I've seen on facebook lately.... "Jesus took naps.  I want to be like Jesus."   I don't recall the Bible ever saying that Jesus took naps.... it doesn't even say He slept.... but it does say that He arose early in the morning and went to a deserted place to be alone with His Father.   Which is the basis of my getting up early in the morning, coming into another room where I can shut the door and be alone with Jesus.  I've done this for so many years now, I can't imagine not doing it.  I think God would wake me up and tell me to get off by myself in the early morning hours if I tried to sleep and not get up.  I mean, I do try to sleep a little later on the weekends, but most days by 5-5:30 my internal clock is waking up (this morning I woke up at 2:20AM but figured God must be kidding, right?) and wanting to get up and alone with Jesus.

This is my favorite time of day... the early morning hours, shut up in a room with my Bible, my devotional, perhaps a book or two.  Just me and God.  My computer just happens to be kept in this room which is why it is so easy for me to write something in here nearly daily.  With working from home, I can do this, but if I have to go to the office, it is more difficult.  This morning, here I am... sitting in my chair, typing on the computer, trying to think of something to say of interest (hope I haven't failed) and listening to the birds wake up outside.  It will be getting light soon and in another hour I'll emerge from my hiding place and begin to start the new day.  But for now....

it's just me and my computer, and Jesus.  I would really love to take a day and go away by myself and just spend the entire day with Jesus.  I used to be able to do that.  The hermitage I used to run away to is no longer available to the public.  Some people go to hotels for a couple days to be alone... but hubby would never allow me to do that; insisting that he come too.  We've tried it, but it's just not the same for me.  I do get something out of those times, but ... I'm not alone alone.

When was the last time you were alone?  When was the last time you were alone with Jesus?  Do you even remember that time?  Was it a productive time or did you decide to take a nap?  I've done that, too.  When I'd go up to the hermitage, the first thing I'd do is lay down and take a nap.  It brought a peace upon me that I can't explain... and I was ready to receive whatever Jesus had for me.  I truly miss those times.... and I refuse to give up my early morning times.  This is my time with Jesus.  

Take some time this morning to pause and reflect... maybe you can just take a few minutes every morning to just be quiet and allow your mind to turn to Jesus and just 'be' with Him.  You will find that even those few moments will bring peace to your soul.  Try it.

Have a blessed day!

Feeling good.....

 That actually should be my title when I weigh in tomorrow, but as I sat here thinking of what should I write about today, that thought came to me.  I started a new meal plan two weeks ago tomorrow.  I feel like I'm eating 'something' all the time, and only the first day or so did I feel a little hungry in between.  Now I forget to eat the 'in between' meal snack more often than I remember to eat it.  I'm more interested in how I feel, and in the scale going down.  That's not taking in consideration that I know my glucose, cholesterol and other numbers are going down to where they should remain.  Not that they were ever 'out of whack' an enormous amount, but just starting up.

I have to sneak in the middle of the week to check to see where my weight stands and although I am "only" down perhaps 6 pounds (I'll weigh again in the morning), I have lost almost two inches off my waist and an inch off my hips.  Those losses make me very happy.  I've noticed it especially in my jeans in that I'm constantly pulling them up!  I love it.   This is actually working for me.

My energy level has increased a lot!  I feel more like doing things, rather than sitting on the couch and crocheting because I don't feel like getting up to do anything.  But yet, I still find time to crochet as well - in fact, I'm on my third baby blanket plus a prayer shawl completed in the past three weeks!  No, I'm not 'bouncing off the walls' with renewed energy, but I feel more like starting and completing things.  I'm even reading more and keeping up on things.  

I went over to my daughter's yesterday to help her pack for the upcoming move.  I even surprised myself at how much I was able to help.  Normally I would work in semi-slow motion to get things in boxes, but yesterday I was more focused on how to pack and what to pack and just got done what I was assigned to do to help.  And it felt good.   

Even with my sleep, I wake up during the night (usually either midnight or 2AM) from a sound sleep, and as a rule I can turn over and go back to sleep (this morning I didn't get up until 5:15!).  I couldn't go back to sleep in my chair so started my reading and was more awake as I read.  Which is a good thing.  Can't read well or absorb what I'm reading if I'm sleepy. I've been even staying up about an hour or so later in the evenings.... I'm just not tired like I usually am.  I like this feeling.

I realized yesterday that I need to also start focusing on my weight lifting again.  I mean, I used to lift weights but never in excess; hand weights to keep strength in my arms, give them definition, etc.  But yesterday.  LOL  My daughter grabbed my upper arm yesterday to walk with me into a store (am I really that old?) and made a comment that my arm was 'soft'.  Now she could have been talking about my skin, right?  But I think it was my muscles have gotten soft with my laziness in that form of exercise.  I need to move off my 5 and 10 pound weights to a little higher and get those muscles working again!  The good part is, I feel like working out!  I also think she noticed it more because I had been talking earlier about how we remember our grandmas in years past.... soft and squishy.  How dare she call me soft! LOL

I want to be strong and healthy to the end of my life, not dependent upon anyone taking care of me.  I need to keep my mind (which is one area I won't have as much control over) clear and healthy and since alzheimers or as my mother always called it "Old Timers" doesn't run in my family (that I'm aware of), I tend to think when some of my siblings say things that make no sense it is more the result of not exercising the mind with good reading and eating foods that cause a fogginess in the brain.   We all know that feeling we get when we eat a full meal that has carbs, carbs, and more carbs in it and we eat, eat, eat.  I've been there, I know that feeling.  Can't move once we decided we can't get another bite in.  Yep, been there, done that.  Won't do that anymore.

So I try to take care of the body that God has blessed me with, working to keep it strong and healthy so that I can help others.  I will not say that I won't give in and have ice cream at some point (or even a pecan turtle caramel blizzard), but I will go with a bite or two (or three, ok?) and stop.  It isn't a 'reward' to put crap in my body.  But the taste is something I enjoy.  But it is also something that destroys my health and makes me lazy and sleepy.

Today is Sunday, the Lord's Day.  We called it that often as I was growing up, but we don't hear those words much anymore.  Today is when we 'used to' get up and get ready to head to church all dressed up.  I truly do miss that fellowship we have had in the past ... the friends we have made, the talking and helping greet at the front doors of the church.  Walking through the sanctuary, greeting those I had missed when they came in.  I miss my friends, the fellowship of other believers.  We have dropped to just one service to watch right now as we have made the decision to leave the church we had been going to before the pandemic hit and it closed.  They are just now opening up, but we won't be going back there.  The other church we had discussed going to with hopes of pulling other family members in to.. decided against it as well.  At least for now.  Not sure what we are going to do, but a neighbor told us about a Baptist church here in our area and she said the pastor was really good.  I'm hoping to listen to him online today if we can find them.  I want to hear before we go.  

Why is it so difficult to find a church?  Because most pastors nowadays don't preach the Word.  Oh, they may take a scripture or two and read it, but they sometimes kick into teaching mode on what the verse, broken apart, means.  I want a pastor who takes the Word and tells me what it meant back at that time it was written, and how to apply that verse to my life today.  Most times now I have to do my own research.  A lot of pastors have  ... forget what they call it now... something like a reference library of all the books of the Bible.  They are books a pastor can go to in order to understand more of what the scripture means.  Since I wasn't going on staff anywhere (nor was hubby) when ordained, did not get a set, and we never could afford it.  And now, it wouldn't be used that much since we are even less active in a church.  I miss teaching a class and diving into the Word to be able to share.   Anyway, we may check out the Baptist church and there is a Christian church nearby as well.   But, what we have working against it right now too is that we like staying home and watching a service or two on TV.  I can sit and crochet, drink my coffee, and mail in my tithing check.  But I miss the fellowship.

There is a book I have reflected on numerous times over the years and I've started reading it again recently.  "In His Steps" by Charles Sheldon.  I triple dare you to read it - and then tell me that it has not given you any desire to think any differently than you do now.   I've read another book recently that has also inspired me and could hardly put it down once I started on it.  It's the life story of Tommy Barnett, the former senior pastor of Assembly of God  - yes, the big one that is now on Cave Creek... the one where they had all the 'real' Christmas program with the animals on the stage!  "What If" is the name of that book and he shares his life story and how ... well, you will just have to read it.  I'll even loan you the book as hubby and I have both read it already.  

It's Sunday, and I hope that you take today as a 'day of rest' to reflect on this past week, to reflect on the example you have given to others, to reflect on how you have treated others, and to reflect on the One who made you, who loves you more than you could ever imagine. Reflect on Jesus.  He is the author and perfector of your life.

Jesus.  He loves you.  Oh, how He loves you.  Turn your eyes to Him and see what He has for you.

Blessings!

I traded it in...

 I have - or had - dropped my phone so many times that the glass was cracked in numerous places....but I kept using it.  But my problem started a few weeks ago with it when I would be texting a message and I could purposely put my finger on a certain letter, and it would create another.  Or, I would press on a letter and nothing happened.  It wouldn't even identify a letter.  And since I do text somewhat frequently, it was becoming frustrating as I'd shut the phone off and bring it back up to 'unlock' whatever was keeping it from working correctly.

I had heard Verizon was having some type of trade-in on phones and yesterday afternoon I took a break (which ended up being much longer than I intended it to be!) and got hubby to take me to the Verizon store.  Since his name is on the account, they wouldn't do anything without 'his permission'.   Long story (and long wait/work through) short, I upgraded my phone (of course) put the difference on my credit card (which I'll pay off when I pay my bills) and walked out with a new phone.  They don't have cases for this style so I just bought a 'drop proof' backing for it until I decide if I want to get another case like I had with my other phone.  Anyway, I have a new phone and it looks like everything transferred over ok.

As I looked through some of the apps on the phone though, I discovered that I needed to sign in again.  G-mail.  AOL. Facebook. Fitbit. Virgin Pulse. But the one to cause me concern was my mobile pass app.  I have to have that working because that is what I use to sign into the my company computer every work morning!  It kept asking for a QR code for authenication - and I didn't see one anywhere!  I finally called the work help desk and waited several minutes in the lineup to ask for help and what could I do.  "Oh no problem, let me send you the email to set you back up."  I received the email, they walked me through the process on what I needed to select as far as answers, and voila!  I have my mobile pass up and working.  And, what is neat with this phone, somehow I chose face recognition versus me typing in my pin every morning as I have been doing.  All I have to do is look at it and poof!  the numbers pop up that I key in to connect to VPN with the company.  Modern technology!

It's kind of like life, do you think?  We get beaten up with things in life.  We get bruised.  We get offended. We get frustrated.  We get angry.  We walk away.  We stand and fight.  We do what we think we need to do.  And yet, it doesn't always work out right.  We try to raise our children right..... and sometimes what we have done is good and all is well.  But, what if we didn't?   We 'punched' the right button for a good kid, a good spouse, a good friend.... only to find that button has quit working.  They don't want anything to do with us.  They have shut us out and our reaching out leaves us a shut door.

But there is One who can fix just about everything.  I say 'just about' because sometimes the other party just doesn't want to be fixed.  But that doesn't mean they aren't loved and wanted.  But also, do they know that.....

When we bring our frustrations, our anger, our pain, to Jesus, and lay it down at the foot of the cross, He is there to take it from us.   Circumstances don't always change - and if they do - they aren't always immediate.  But what does change - is us.  Yes, sometimes we still have that pain of rejection.  The pain of disappointment.  That pain of the shut door.  But GOD.  When we lay all our things down at the foot of the cross and relinquish control of them, let go of them, Jesus envelops us in His arms of love, care, and comfort, bringing love, joy, peace, gentleness, faithfulness, patience, kindness, goodness, and self-control to our hearts.

What a trade in that is! Giving up and turning in all our grief and sorrows, pain and frustrations, anger and bitterness..... giving it all up to Jesus!!

And receiving in it's place His love, His peace, His joy - and all the other fruits of the spirit.  I think that is the best trade-in of all.  When you quit fighting all the things that are against you and give them up to Jesus, you receive so much more!

Would you consider trading in what you are holding on to?  Has it quit working for you?  Has all your frustrations about a situation taken your strength?  Give it up.  Trade it in.  What Jesus has for you is so much better!

Think about it!

Blessings!

The text early in the morning.....

As I sat here this morning and doing my quiet time, I hear my phone ding with a text message.  Since very few people would even think I was up at 5AM, I always check when I hear that ding.  It was my older brother asking me about our niece.  Seems there was a bad shooting at Fed Ex in Plainfield with 8 dead and several wounded this morning and he was concerned.  I quickly text'd our niece as I had contact with her before.  She responded quickly that she worked at the airport Fed Ex and not Plainfield, so was ok.  I do need to keep in better touch with her.  Grateful she was ok, I text'd my brother to let him know.

Life can be snuffed out in just a second.  Ever think about that?  We sometimes feel pretty snug because we are 'ok'.  But evil things can happen at any time.  Your life, or the life of a loved one, can be gone at a moment's notice.  

I was reading about Job this morning and, if you remember the story, (see Job 1 and 2), he had great wealth, lots of sheep, cattle, oxen, donkeys, camels, and ten children.  Within moments of each one, satan removed each one... and finally the children... they were at their older brother's home - 7 brothers and 3 sisters - and a great wind came up and killed them all.  Job had lost everything.  And what did he say?

"The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away.  Blessed be the name of the Lord."

Could we say that if something happened to our children?  Our home?  If we lost everything?  I think it depends on which side of the fence you are on.

If you truly know God, yes, you can say that, even in your deepest pain.  Why?  Because you know that God has a plan and even with the hardest things that hurt the most, He will be with you through the hardest journey in life.  

How do I know this?  Not because I have lost any children or grandchildren, thank You, Lord.  But because there was a time we had lost just about everything, and Jesus was the ONLY ONE I could hold on to - to get me through the pain I was enduring.  I don't need to go into details, just know that I can feel the pain of others when they are struggling and feel intense pain of life issues.

I was able to lean into Jesus more and more and He sustained me.  He gathered me into His arms and comforted me in my sorrow and pain.  He gave His life for me, and He understood my pain.

But what about those who don't know Jesus, and don't reach out for His comfort?  My heart does go out to them because they are giving themselves so much more pain than they need to endure on their own.  I cannot imagine walking through this life without knowing I had Jesus on my side - and by my side.

My heart goes out to those families who lost loved ones this morning at Fed Ex in Plainfield.  I don't know them; I don't know their names.  But I feel for their families that instead of waiting for them to come home from work, will instead begin making arrangements at a funeral home for their burial.  I cannot imagine the grief and intense heartache they feel.  O Father, please be with them and send Your Comforter to them!

What if.... your family heard something like that about you?  Or about an accident, or a heart attack, or ... whatever it could be... and they heard you were 'gone'. ... besides their intense grief and sorrow... would they know where you will end up?  Will they know you went to heaven... or hell?  Will they have the joy of knowing they will see you again.... and that you will greet them when they pass on... or will they be even more sorrowful knowing that where you are going, they will not go?  

Oh precious one, would you stop and evaluate where you are with the Lord and turn your heart towards Him?  He isn't about taking away the things that you enjoy.... He just wants to love you, and you to love Him.   Are you ready for that final minute when you breathe your last?  It isn't a joking matter.... shall your spouse and children, or your parents and siblings, grieve because you refuse Jesus in your life?  I pray that you give that thought serious consideration.  

And if you are a follower of Christ... what about your children?  Your spouse?  Are they also following Jesus?   The Word says that the man is to be the spiritual leader in his home.  How are you doing with that?  Are you teaching your spouse and your children by word and by example that to love the Lord your God is the greatest thing in the world?

Life is fragile.... handle with prayer... is a simple statement, but oh so true.  Here today, and maybe here tomorrow.  We don't know how long we have.  

Do you know Who is in control?  I pray that you turn to Jesus before that time ends.  Life is so short... don't waste a moment of it in the pleasures of life... Jesus is all we need.

Something to think about.

Be safe.... Be thoughtful... 

Blessings on your day.

The Mentor

 This morning as I have sat here and read in my Bible and in a devotional I enjoy reading each morning, the subject of a mentor has come up.  It's still on my mind because in discussions with a couple other people recently, this subject of mentor has come up.  What is a mentor?  

Webster's dictionary says:  (noun) A trusted counselor, a guide.  (verb) mentored, menter, mentering.  Synonyms for mentor are: coach, counsel, guide, lead, pilot, shepherd, show, tutor.

Many definitions for a mentor.  In my mind I classify a mentor as someone who comes alongside someone and encourages them, listens to them, shows them, and helps them... to live life in such a way that whenever you are with them, you feel encouraged, loved, heard, accepted.  Do you have someone in your life like that?  You should, and if not, I would encourage you to think about it and find and ask someone to come alongside you in life.  Or perhaps you should look at being a mentor for someone else.  

This world has become a hard place to live in sometimes, and we all need direction on how to get through it.   I don't know about you, but I often feel life is a battle the majority of the time.  Same routine every day.  Get up, go to work, come home, go to sleep - only to start it all over again the next day.  Throw in disgruntled people, nagging people, whiney people, lazy people, and even irritating people.... and it can throw our whole day off.   But it is a choice on how we react to that around us.

We can ignore it.  Which I think most of us try to.  We don't want to deal or respond to that whiney, nagging spouse or child.  So we shut them out.  But what if..... we stopped to listen, really listen.  What are they really saying?  

We can embrace it.  Stop and hear what they are saying, without saying.  Are they responding to a deep hurt within them, a hurt that says "look at me!  hear me!  I need you to see me and help me in this!"

Those are just a couple things we can do.  I want you to think about the people you are around during your waking hours.   You don't always know what they are going through, what they are truly feeling and what they are showing.  Sometimes their words wound us, and we have gotten harden to hearing it. But what if we listened?   

I admit I am guilty of shutting hubby out at times in my own frustrations.  I am often told much more than I am even interested in hearing.  I mean, do I really care what they had for breakfast when he meets with his friends?  No, I don't need to know that, but he shares it.  Sometimes even down to how many cups of coffee he had.  Why do I shut him out?  It has nothing to do with me.  That's his life, not mine.  But he is trying to invite me into his world by sharing.  

And even when you think you don't care about what is being discussed, you have no interest in it, 'we' need to stop and listen because we need to hear the root of what they are saying.   Do they need your attention?  Yes, it may sound like rambling... (look at it this way, I ramble a lot in this blog, and yet, you return occasionally to read it.) ... but they may have something to say that is important enough to get your attention.

Who is in your life that you look up to, respect, and want to learn from?  Perhaps it was a teacher you had in school.  I remember my English/Literature teacher in high school, Mrs. Kirkham.  She was 'Pennsylvania Dutch".  She fed into my love of reading and putting words together to write short stories (which I haven't done in years).  Mrs. Kirkham gave me the picture in my mind of separating sentences into nouns, verbs, pronouns, and prepositions.  She was an encourager and teacher.   Yes, one that you will not find nowadays, I'm afraid, but she altered my life when it comes to reading and writing.  She mentored me, without even realizing she mentored me.

A former pastor, Steve Chiles, mentored me in my desire to minister to others.  He encouraged me, he helped me sort out things, he corrected me, he showed me how to write messages, he directed my path to find topics to share.  I read books he recommended to help me.  I wrote messages that he would review and give advice on.  I became involved in ministries that he saw in me.  He believed in me.  I miss him not being close by, but even now when I become 'stuck', he will always answer my telephone call or email when I reach out to him.  

Pastor Steve was the first person who ever treated me as a valued person.  You would have to know me years before to understand that statement.   He wanted me on the church board as an elder.  I got elected by the church.  The elders were invited to go to Saddleback church in California for a two-three day conference on leadership.  Excited, yet scared, feeling insecure and inferior to the other people who had college degrees and successful (so it seemed) lives, I got to go.  Pastor Steve let me sit in the front seat where I could listen better to all the conversations in the vehicle on the drive over and back.  But what really made me feel valued was he made sure I was included in all conversations, made sure I was always felt a part of the group, helped me even with ordering dinner at a fancy restaurant on the side of the mountain - a place I would never have gone  - ever.  But the church paid for our trip and each one of us who attended were shown value and appreciation and love.  When we would stop at Circle K for coffee, Pastor Steve always made sure 'Princess' got a cup if I wanted it.  He always called me Princess and treated me like a valued and a treasured person.  I loved to just sit and listen to him share his wisdom of the scriptures, of life.  He made learning about life and ministry fun.  

I have never thought of myself 'good enough' to be a mentor for someone as I seem to always find a fault that makes me feel unworthy.  And yet, in the past few years, people have commented that I have been their mentor in their walk with God.  It always surprises me when they verbalize it.   I share books I read, I listen to their struggles, I encourage, and I give my insight (sometimes)... sometimes all I need to do is be quiet and listen and ask the right questions to get them to see their answer.  Even when I don't know the answer.  I haven't looked at myself as a mentor and yet, I love to share Jesus with others and encourage them in their walk.  It encourages me to keep reading, to keep understanding and searching for the right answers, to keep listening and hearing what is being said.

As a parent we often don't look to be a mentor to our children, but I have friends who truly look up to their parents as their mentors, although they don't call them mentors.  These parents have poured into their children, perhaps not always of the Bible, but of life and have taught them skills that have helped them become the men and women they are today.  By their parents attention, their lives, they have become the example of who the child can become - or not become - depending on their choices in life.  The parent is the first mentor in a child's life, to influence them in the way they should walk.  We often fail in that as a parent.  Byour lives we mentor to our children how to live, how to love, how to respond.

I will always be grateful to Pastor Steve for his faithfulness to God to pass on to others, to me, how to live a life worthy to lead others to Jesus.  I often struggle, as many of you know, but without this mentor in my life, without being encouraged and shown how to live in this crazy world, how to treat others with love, grace, and forgiveness.... I could not be the person I am today.

Who is the mentor in your life?  Who feeds into you and encourages you, who listens to you and only offers advice when you ask for it?  

And as important... who are you mentoring, encouraging and listening to; offering advice when they ask for it?  Who do you have wanting to walk in your shoes?

Something to think about.

Blessings!