I managed to get through the day yesterday without too much difficulty. My boss, after hearing what I had been going through with vaccine reactions had told me that whenever I felt I needed to lay down and rest, to do so. Around 2PM she checked with me again and asked how I was doing. I told her I had managed to keep the headaches at bay with Ibuprofen so thought I was fine. She said if I had told her I was struggling, she would have told me to sign off and lay down. And I was fine. I was fine all afternoon.
I created an order for the grocery (I love that they do this!) and scheduled a time that I would come and pick it up. I was starting to feel icky and had planned on hubby going with me for the pick up, but he didn't want to so I went alone. The feeling progressed. The clerk brought my groceries out and put them in the trunk. I sat there for a few minutes, then backed up and headed home. After putting things away I went on and fixed dinner. So glad I had also ordered a roasted chicken so that we had a cooked warm chicken already to eat. I just needed to add veggies to it. I ate very little for nothing, although I could taste it, tasted good.
After dinner, starting to feel chilly and really tired, I sat on the couch for awhile and continued to read a book I have read before. The God Chasers by Tommy Tenney. I have been praying for God to renew my hunger for Him and I wanted to start with this book to stir me. I read a couple chapters and then started yawning repeatedly so hubby asked me "why don't you go on to bed and rest?" and although it was 8PM, decided I would. As I laid in bed I prayed over a couple requests given to me by my little sister earlier in the day, and then began to ask God again to stir a hunger to know Him more. I eventually fell asleep. A deep sleep.
A dream arose out of the darkness... I was laying down, appears to be on the couch, when an animal that looks like Sheeba jumps on me. Its eyes were like a piercing light. Growling, it grabbed my hand and began to pull and bite it. In my mind I was thinking Sheeba, for that is what this animal looked like. I didn't feel afraid until it started growling and biting me. I started screaming "no bite! no bite!" and must have verbalized it for it woke me up. I was drenched in sweat. And I don't sweat. I felt chilled...and shaken by the dream. I laid there and looked at the clock. It was after 11PM. I closed my eyes and began to say the name of Jesus over and over again to clear my mind of such a horrible dream. I couldn't fall back to sleep for awhile. I became calm and finally dozed back off, awakening a couple more times during the night but refusing to look at the clock made myself try to sleep until time to get up. A strange dream, right?
And as I sat here in my room this morning I have realized why I had this dream. I have asked for more of God. More of Him. I have requested a hunger for more of Him. I am actively seeking more of Him, not just asking. And the devil doesn't like it. Satan is trying to make me fearful of praying such a dream. This dream wasn't of God, it wasn't even from what I had to eat. No, this dream, I believe, was sent by Satan to frighten me. Fear is not of God, unless it is fear of the Lord. I refuse to be afraid of what lies before me or what could happen to me. I belong to the Lord and He is my Protector and my Strength. Nothing can happen to me unless He allows it. And if He allows it, He will either take me through it, or take me Home to be with Him. It's a win-win.
In the meantime, He is allowing this vaccine to continue to react within my body and cause me discomfort. I am still weak; still having sinus headaches bad enough I have to take something to get it to go away. The red blotch on my arm doesn't appear as red this morning, but it has grown. I corresponded with a co-worker yesterday who suffered for about a week from another vaccine. When I had told her what I had been feeling, she said hers lasted a week, and to expect the headaches to continue for that long. In my mind I rebuke that.... and I will do whatever I need to do to get them to stop. The weakness could come from not doing anything productive (other than sitting in my chair and working) for the past few days. The chills I don't have an explanation for. I'm just waiting for them to go away and stay away. This is day 4 since I got the vaccine... so surely the process has ended and so will my discomfort.
We don't always have an answer why things happen the way they do. Some people have good always happening to them; others never seem to. Why is that? There is no answer. Christians can go through the same things non-Christians do. We've all seen it. Sometimes it is good, sometimes it is not so good. Regardless of what my circumstances are, regardless of what I am feeling, I have made the decision that I want more of God. Will good things happen to me? Yes! Will bad things sometimes happen - especially because I am seeking God more deligently? Yes! Am I willing to go through it to get closer to God? In a heartbeat.
He is worth it. To be in the Presence of our Holy God is worth anything that you can possibly go through. Walking with Jesus is the best thing, the best choice, anyone could make. Do you remember the terrorists who lined up all those men, them wearing orange jumpsuits, and being made to kneel... all because they were Christians? They refused to denouce their Lord. These men walked with God and were not afraid to stand for Him. Or kneel for Him. And it cost them their very lives. God took them through it, and took them to be with Him.
What are you thinking right now? What if.... just what if... you surrendered your life to Jesus and told Him that "whatever comes at me, I will choose to stand with You?" Regardless of how tough life could get, could you stand firm in believing that God has you in the palm of His hand? All you have to do is ask Jesus to forgive your sins, that you believe He is the Son of the Living God, that He died on the cross for you, and rose again on the third day. Tell Him that you believe! It doesn't mean He will take things away from you. He wants to bless you. Life is a new adventure, just waiting on you to make the decision.
Choose Jesus. He is the only Way.
Blessings!
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