My Fitbit just buzzed to let me know it was 5:30AM and when I looked over at it, because I put it on the charger when I do my quiet time, I saw that the power was at 100%. (and, as I am trying to think of something creative to write about this morning.....) I began to wonder when was the last time I felt 100%. I'm sure that thought has entered your mind as well. When was the last time you (I) felt 'alive' and 'well'? Oh I'm doing fine, I really am. No worries about that, but I feel so tired anymore. But I don't think that is from my age, nor that anything is wrong with me. I think a lot of that is from boredom and being stuck in the house so much. I'm not living life anymore.....I am surviving it. Does that make sense? Do you feel the same way?
I do get an opportunity to get out for a little while today but it won't be for fun. I have a dentist appointment this afternoon to have a permanent crown put on. I dread going. The last time I went I was there three hours, and then was presented with such a bill that I burst into tears. Totally not expected, and had to put on my credit card. I checked my insurance yesterday, and see that I may have been 'overcharged' around $300 because they didn't think I had any of my $1500 'allowance' left, and I did. So I will ask them today to either refund back to my credit card, or send me a check. I see no reason to have a credit on a dentist account. Nope, not happening. I don't need to go back except for a cleaning... at least right now. I want to be done with them. I was so shaken when they presented me with nearly a $1200 bill last time that I don't even want to go back - at all! I just wasn't expecting it.
But I will get out of the house for a short while and this time it shouldn't take as long. This one tooth has been far too expensive between the root canal to deaden the nerve and the temporary crown to the permanent crown. I think they should have just given me antibotics to kill the infection and let it go. But that's me.
I did get good news yesterday morning. A couple weeks ago I had to go to the dermatologist a second time for them to 'spoon' our a mole (about the size of a nickel, I'm thinking). It is still bothering me in that it hasn't healed all the way yet, and itches some. But the call I received yesterday was good news. The results from the lab were positive and clear - no sign of anything 'wrong'. I wasn't expecting anything to be wrong because I know that God watches over me - and if something was wrong, He would see me through it.
Have you ever gone through some things and you wonder how in the world did you get through it? That's God. For some of us, if we look back on our earlier years and the stupid (yes, I said stupid) things that we did, have you ever wondered what protected you (me) from getting what you deserved? Yeah, that is God too. So many things in my life would be different if I had known Jesus then, like I know Him now. How I wish I knew Him then. I knew of Him, of course.... I was raised in the church. But I didn't know Him. I'm afraid that is the same with my children. I raised them in church, so they know OF Jesus...... but they no longer follow Him and know Him personally. It has been their chocie, of course. Sometimes the pull of the world is great - I know that. I have lived through it. And I'm still not perfect by any means.
But I do know Jesus.... personally. He is a personal God. He wants to walk, and talk, with each one of us. He wants to guide our steps and make them straight. He wants to help us when we struggle. He longs to gather us in His arms to comfort us in times of pain and sorrow. He wants to heal us, and make us whole.
But when was the last time we asked Him to heal us? Have we even asked Him to remove the pain that we are feeling? Have we asked Him to give us the strength to endure? Have we sought His face - and His hand - to restore what the enemy has tried to take away from us? Have we even asked Him to heal those we love? Do we just expect Him to 'do it' without our asking? Do we rely on others to ask Him to heal? To comfort? to strengthen? Should we not take responsibility for it?
Those are interesting questions, do you think? When was the last time you asked for healing for yourself? That is not being prideful, that is humbling yourself before Jesus and asking Him to touch your body and bring relief and healing to it. Do you not believe that He will? Do you think that He will turn away from you and NOT listen? Would you let someone you love suffer because you are too prideful to ask Jesus to touch their body and heal them?
What has become of this world? When I am asked to pray for someone, I always do, but sometimes I will ask that person.... 'are you praying for them as well?' That always throws them off. They don't want to pray, they want someone else to do it for them. Jesus hears their prayers just as much as He hears mine. And He answers their prayers - just as He does mine. Sometimes the answer is 'yes', and sometimes the answer is 'no' ... or even 'not now'.
It takes faith to pray, believing that what you ask for will be answered the way you want it to be. And that is how we are to pray. Why speak words if you don't believe they will happen? I must admit that sometimes when I pray about situations that are personal for me, I get discouraged sometimes for I don't see anything happening. But the thing I need to always remind myself, I belong to Jesus, and in belonging to Him, in spite of the things I ask for, it is His ultimate decision. I may pray for healing for someone.... and I really believe that God will heal them.... and He doesn't. But what I don't know about that is someone may need the death of that someone to turn their hearts to Jesus. There would be something about that person's life that would intrigue them to want to follow Jesus. If that person had lived, had recovered, would it have been life as usual? No one dies in vain. There is a purpose for each one.
When someone we love passes away, we grieve deeply. But what do we do with that grief? Do we wallow in it? Do we thank God for the life they lived, that we had them in our lives, that we have precious memories? Or do we wallow in our grief and do not share the goodness of God that they are now with Him? I can think of several instances where the death of a loved one has become a shrine, and not a memory to be cherished and shared. A friend posted a photo recently of her father's cemetery stone.... I think she has it in the right place.... she remembers her mom and dad who are buried there, but she doesn't wallow in the fact they are both gone. She remembers tidbits of the life they led, and shares those with others. That's what I want.
My mind is wandering this morning to even the death of my parents after seeing my friend's post. I miss my mother a lot.... there were many times after her death that I picked up the phone and started to call her, wanting to share something... only to remember she wasn't there anymore. So I told her anyway - speaking in the air of what I wanted to share. I had to let her go. I wish I had more memories of my father. I remember him being sick a lot. I remember getting to sit in his lap while he watched TV cause I didn't feel good one night. I remember him standing at the hospital window and waving to us kids standing on the sidewalk, because we weren't allowed up to see him. Few memories.
I asked my siblings one time after mother died that if they had memories of mother and dad, would they share them. Dad has been gone so long and we were all so young, we don't have many memories. But my older and younger brother shared what they remembered. And I shared what little I remember. Memories are droplets of love that we hold in our hearts, so that we will always remember. And we continue to live out our lives, because of those who went before us.
I'm not sure where all I was meaning to go with all this... but one thing I do know. God is good...all the time God is good. If He could give up His beloved Son, His one and only Son, to die a painful and tortureous death on the cross.... and all for me....and all for you.... what do we do with that?
Because He lives, I can face tomorrow..... because He lives, all fear is gone. Because I know who holds the future, my life is worth the living, just because He lives. (song by Gloria Gaither).
How is your day going? Because Jesus lives, He holds your future. Live at 100%, knowing you belong to Him.
Blessings!
No comments:
Post a Comment