Two weeks ago hubby and I tentatively decided we'd go to another church, rather than going to the one we had been going to before the pandemic. Hubby wanted to go to the 'new' church on Palm Sunday...but he had made me angry about something and I refused to go... told him to go alone... but he didn't. We watched Jentezen Franklin online. We didn't watch our own church service. The last several weeks have been so disappointing that we just decided - enough.
Our former church has not grown at all in the over 3 and a half years we have gone there. We love the people, love the pastor, but it's dead. Does that make sense? When the pastor preaches... they are just words... oh occasionally something will be of interest/value, but he doesn't give you any substance. We often have just looked at each other and asked the question: "Did you get anything out of that?" In the beginning we tried to take notes of his messages so that we could review them ... but many times the pages remained blank. But we didn't want to leave because we love the people and we love the pastor.
But God. He's doing it again. When we left another church a few years ago, God had been pushing us for a couple years to leave. I guess I'm just more acutely aware of the 'signs and signals' He has given us this time. Either that or I am a faster learner. When things are spoken that are against what the Bible says, it is time to pay attention and confront the speaker, and to make decisions on what to do. We have reached that point. Which is another reason we have been looking around for another church.... closer to home, we were telling ourselves.
I want a pastor who will speak truth from the Bible. One who will tell us what the Bible says, and then tell us how to live it in today's world. That's what I like about Jentezen Franklin. And that's what I like about some other pastors who have been my pastor in the past. I need help living in today's world. I can't do this on my own, and sometimes I need someone to interpret the Bible (someone with a lot more schooling and understanding them me) that causes me to think. I can read my Bible, I can study (and I do!) but sometimes it just doesn't reach where it needs to go.
We had planned to go this 'new' church on Easter Sunday. On Friday, hubby told me he felt we needed to go to our former church for Easter, and let that be our last time; he would talk to the pastor the following week and tell him we would not be back. But Saturday, as I met with friends and we were all discussing churches (some go different churches), I felt we should not go to the former church. We have physically been at church one time about two months ago when they held it outdoors on the yard. It was so good to see everyone....but hubby just didn't want to go back. I began to feel that since we have not been back, we need to let that be our break.
What definitely made that decision was that a friend who also attended where we had been going, has already met with the pastor and said they were breaking away from it. He wanted them to go to church on Easter and he wanted to announce to the 10-15 people who show up that they were leaving and pray a blessing over them. We don't want to be singled out. Yes, we are all for blessings. But with my friend and her husband leaving the same day (she said that God told her Easter Sunday was to be their last Sunday there), we didn't want it to look like a 'following'. We had no idea the thought was even in their minds and we had not shared what we had been thinking.
I also told hubby that I had re-thought going to the 'new' church that is in our 'non-denomination'. I am the only one of my siblings still attending this type of church. Every church is different... but, as I think I have mentioned before, not all pastors preach the Good News like they should. I have suggested to hubby that what I would like to do is go online and listen to the different online church services of churches in our area, and see which one shares Jesus. Then let's go there and see what it's like. I am stepping out of my comfort zone..... but I am desperate for Jesus.
I've been reading Tommy Barnett's 'What If' book... and it has stirred something up inside of me that I want a church in which I can be involved in. I want to be a part of ministry, serving others. I want to go to a place where it is all about Jesus, and not about the ministry or the pastor. I don't want to go where there is total control by the pastor (another story another day). I want to reach the lost for Jesus. I want to teach them about His love for them. I want to help them in their daily walk with Jesus. It's all about Jesus.
I want to be with Jesus. I want to be so desperate for Jesus that nothing I do can satisfy unless He is in it. A hunger is growing within me to want MORE. More than the typical Sunday service where the pastor just 'does his job'. I want a pastor who is on fire for Jesus.
So many 'I wants' and I pray that we can find such a pastor who loves Jesus and is on fire for Him. For if the pastor is on fire for Jesus, the church will be on fire for Jesus. Can you even imagine what such a church can do in a community when Jesus is the entire focus? I want to be a part of that!
Today is Monday and it is back to work as usual. The year is quickly going by and before I know it, July will be here and back into the office. I will miss the additional time I have sitting here in my chair, able to write in here every day. I will miss the extra hour or two that I can read and pray and process what I've read. I'm glad I've still gotten up at 4AM (this morning I awoke at 3:28AM but refused to get up until about 3:50AM when I gave up on going back to sleep) for once I have to go back to the office, getting up early will definitely be the norm.
My fitbit just buzzed with an alarm reminder that made me chuckle. I don't always 'read' what pops up when the alarm goes off; I usually just touch the alarm to shut it off. It says 'look alive'. I'm sorry, but any time before 6AM is too early to 'look alive'! In my opinion, anyway! I may be up and moving, and I may be alive, but 'look alive' probably is not in my vocabulary at this time.
Hope that you had a good weekend, and remembered what Easter is all about. I feel sad that most churches are not open yet, and that many of the Easter outreaches had to be put on hold again this year. I pray that we soon can get back to normal living. I miss the fellowship of worshipping together with other believers. In reality, our lifestyle hasn't changed too much this past year. Not going physically to church is about the only thing that truly stopped. We still had doctor / dentist visits; still bought groceries at the store; still pumped gas; still ate out on occasion..... we just didn't get to go to church. What's wrong with that picture? I can imagine many pastors did not want the responsibility of COVID going through their church because someone decided to attend, not knowing they may be a carrier. I get that. But it has really messed with people when churches shut down and everything else remains open. It is more essential than anything else. But I guess that comment depends on the individual.
Have an amazing Monday! Start of a new week.... make it a great one.
Blessings!
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