New 'toy' has hubby facinated... I think...

 I purchased an oximeter for hubby because he has been so concerned that his oxygen level in his blood has been 92 instead of 95, which the urgent care doctor told him it should be.  It arrived yesterday and I can't tell you how many times he has checked it.  When we first got it, he immediately checked it and it was 95.  Yay.  Right where the urgent care doctor said it should be.  That should bring relief, yes?

Well, perhaps for most people.   But let's check it periodically to see how it goes.

Finally I put it away in the closet last night, thinking that 'at last' he has proven to himself that it will be at 95 as it should.

But that was before this morning.

First thing.  "Where did you put that thing?"  In the hall closet.  I hear him go and get it.  After I come out of my room, having m quiet time, he tells me....

I was wondering what it would be this morning and it was 96, so I took it again and it went back down to 95.  But I think I'm still having trouble breathing.

Sigh.

I go fix breakfast - which makes him very happy.  We go to donate blood early this afternoon so knew we needed to have a good meal before going.  So I scrambled up some eggs, onion, peppers, potatoes, cilantro, tomatoes and cheese, and bacon.  I think we're good to go.  

And he continues to check his oxygen level.  Well, all I can say, is that I'm getting my $20 worth for what it cost.

And I think he is ok.  He says his breathing is getting better, but it isn't where it should be.  Of course I am holding my tongue that if we (both) lost about 10 pounds off the belly, it would probably help immensely.  But I don't go there.

Just a short update today - have sermons to work on today and I need to make a run to Hobby Lobby for yarn.  Hopefully they will have what I want.

Blessings on your day!

Watch out for that popcorn!

 Saturday evening we had popcorn for a snack.  Everything was fine - until hubby got choked.  He coughed and coughed, and finally went to the restroom where he said he thew up and still continued to cough.  Finally it settled down and he seemed to be ok.  And we both forgot about that incident.

Sunday morning we decided to go for a walk.  It was beautiful out, cool, and perfect walking weather.  We walked just over a mile, but on the way back hubby asked to stop.  He pressed his fingers into the center of his chest and was sounding like he had very labored breathing.  He was wheezing really loud.  I had noticed it when we left, but thought he was ok.   During the day he seemed fine, but then I was busy doing other things.  Monday morning we didn't walk; but I did noticed that he still had the wheezing somewhat - even when he slept.  Tuesday morning we tried to walk, but it just seemed he couldn't get it altogether timely and although we went out, as I mentioned, I think, in our last post, we didn't go very far.  He was still wheezing somewhat.  

I was sharing with my sister and my daughter Tuesday evening about the wheezing - and it dawned on me - I wonder if he got popcorn caught either in his esophagus or did a piece go into his lung to cause the wheezing.  I shared my thoughts with hubby.

Wednesday morning.  Yesterday.  He was still wheezing some, but not as loud as before - in fact, it was as if he tried to replicate the sound.  Late afternoon he was in my room, asking if he should go to urgent care as he had been thinking about it all day.  We scheduled a time at the urgent care - first one open was 6:30PM.  We got there about 6:15PM to discover they were running about 90 minutes behind schedule.  No biggie.... I brought yarn.  LOL  We were lucky though; with scheduling a time, he got in about 6:45PM and they took him back.  

About 7:45PM he comes back out and says they did an x-ray and told him that they couldn't see anything in the lungs; he didn't have pneumonia or anything else.  His oxygen level was at 92 and they told him it should be at 95.  BUT, if he wanted to go to the emergency room to have it checked out, they could call ahead and tell them he was coming.  By now we could hardly hear the wheezing and I left it up to him.  Whatever he wanted to do.  ER or home.  He opted for home and we would make another decision in the morning.  This morning.

Hubby slept in his recliner last night because he felt he slept better there.  I had the bed all to myself - and did not sleep much at all.  In fact, my sleep number went down to 72 - when it is usually in the 80's. I blame my lack of sleep value on the Fosamax as I took the pill yesterday and it seems to exhaust me to where I can't rest.  He came in here (during my quiet time) when he woke up and we discussed what did he want to do.  He said it wasn't that bad this morning so would wait to see if it was getting better as the day goes by.  I suggested he call his doctor to share the report from last night and see what the doctor says.  If we need to go to the ER for additional tests, I will take him.  He isn't coughing, and the wheezing is barely there.  Did he cough out whatever the irritation (popcorn?) was?  

We don't even know if that is what it was - or is - but the thought occured to me that it could be. So now it is up to him if he is still concerned.  He doesn't seem to be in any distress so I'm believing he is ok.  Besides, God answers prayer and he was prayed for to be ok.  

So that was our evening yesterday.  This morning I am tired and have a full day of work ahead of me.  We have dinner with friends tonight and I'm sure hubby doesn't want to miss that!

Just got a text from my older brother - I have a brand new great-nephew!  Alexander was born this morning at 7:50AM in Indiana.   22" long and 7# 5 oz.  The first words from his older 4 year old sister when she saw his photo was "I love him".  So sweet.

And now I sit here wondering how I can do an object lesson with popcorn.  I guess you could say it is a bit like sin.  It is enticing and tastes so good.... but sometimes when it gets inside of you, it can cause problems and wreck havoc on the body.  Sorta like sin.  We get enticed to do something we know we shouldn't do... just a peek; just a bite; just one little bit..... and the darkness of that .... can take over our life because we have allowed it in.  A wrong thought.  An attitude.  A behavior.  It could be anything.

Watch out for that popcorn in life.... 

Should be a quiet week....

 I'm glad that yesterday started off quiet.  I remembered as I sat down to work yesterday morning and looked at my calendar..... I had an eye doctor appointment that morning.  So I jumped up and got presentable to be outside the house and ready to go.  It was nice because hubby didn't think to insist he drive me.  My eyes would be dilated as this is the specialist visit that I do once a year.  I've managed before, so I didn't say anything nor encourage him to take me.  I had a nice 30 minute or so drive alone and it was nice.  Yes, my eyes did get dilated, and wow, it was somewhat difficult to drive home afterwards.  I'm grateful my new sunglasses are really dark so that I could see easily enough to see where I was going.  I took my time and of course took the side roads so that I didn't have to worry so much about traffic.  My eyes are doing great - see the specialist in another year.  My glasses (which they check the prescription) are perfect.  I probably need to wear them more often, especially since I'm having to move things further out in order to read.  It's a bear getting older.  I had a tough time most of the day with my eyes burning from staring at the computer screen.  I did end up leaving the computer and closing my eyes, sleeping for about 1/2 hour.  It felt so good to give my eyes rest from the light.

But that isn't why it is going to be a quiet week.  My favorite boss had a lap chole yesterday - which means she had her gallbladder taken out.  Thinking back, I feel it has been bothering her for years, but since it was just a queasy not feel good feeling, she never got it checked out.  A couple weeks ago it was causing her pain and nausea so finally got it checked out.  Sure enough, the ultrasound showed stones.  Anyway, she had it done yesterday and her hubby text'd me that she was doing fine.  Reminds me, I need to get at least a card sent to her.  She will be taking the entire week off.  Now if we were in the office, and back in the day, for a lap chole she should take 3 weeks off.  For an 'open chole' it would be six weeks.  But nowadays, with working from home, they don't even put in for 'sick time', but instead just take a week off.  At her level in the company, she doesn't even have to put in for PTO; just take the time off.  But on  the other side of it, she does sometimes have to work weekends and evenings so it's coming out equal.

With my favorite boss out, my new one still not working with me, and one working.... I am still kept busy, but it is quiet.  Which is a good thing because I need to finish up a message I am scheduled to do in a couple weeks.  I wasn't supposed to start until November 14, but the person they had scheduled November 7 wasn't going to be in town so they asked me to fill in.  Now I have two weeks in a row and I've only gotten started on one.  I got a rough draft of the first bulletin so know how they are getting it set up.  It's honoring our veterans day, plus communion, so I need to keep the message short, but since what I currently have is only 10 minutes, I need to add at least 10 minutes to it.  That's where I'm having to work on it.  And come up with a title.  Yeah, the next few days will be busy as I try to finalize at least the first week.

Hubby and I are trying to get out and walk more.  We did go for a little over a mile walk on Sunday morning.  I was thinking yesterday of changing my work hours (I can actually do that, especially with working from home) and starting an hour later, take 1/2 hour lunch (since I eat at my desk anyway it doesn't matter), and us taking a walk about 6:30AM or so.  Closer to 7AM maybe cause it isn't always light enough at 6:30AM.  Well, I'm not sure about that; I'm still in my room usually.  But the coyotes sometimes walk around in the dark so we don't want to run into any of them.  We have always left our back porch light on and a neighbor who walks early in the mornings says he appreciates it cause it helps him see if there are any coyotes in our back area.   Hubby asked me yesterday if there was any way we could continue walking each morning and since I had already been thinking of a way to do so, told him that I was willing to stop a little early in my quiet time to get dressed and yes, we could take a walk,  It would definitely be for both of our benefits.  I'm concerned about him, although his doctor gives him a clean bill of health, but especially this week I have noticed that he is 'wheezing' more than usual.  Even sitting and reading, as we did last night, it was quite loud.  

I've been reading in two books (one a study, another a book that I am reading for other information) and both books today have talked about the need to purify our bodies of the toxins that we have put in it.  I know that I have gotten lazy and am frequently tired.  I mark a lot of mine up to depression of a sort, but the things I read make me want to do it.  One referred to the fast Daniel and his three friends did when they first were taken to Babylon.  Vegetables and water for ten days.  No coffee. No soda. No snacks, other than vegetables.  I've done it before; I can do it again, right?  The other book was a bit more in depth and talked about how we have put so much sugar and toxins that we can't even pronounce in our bodies for years and we have become a lazy people; no energy, heavier than we should be.  We have more health issues than we should have.  Because of what we eat.  

Although I'm not in a 'place' where I can just say "ok - a vegetable and water diet for 10 days and I'll see if I have more energy", I can use moderation and eat better.  The other night I fixed hubby and I a small piece of london broil, then cut up green peppers, celery, and tomatoes - and you know what - that filled us both up.  We didn't want anything else.  Maybe there is something to eating a lot of vegetables.  Yesterday we had a sandwich for lunch so neither were hungry last night (although I would have cooked, hubby said no need to)... so what did we do?  We ate badly. I ate popcorn.  and Coke free.  Hubby ate pretzel snacks, another snack mix, and cheese and crackers.  and soda.  Yeah, it was bad.  We need to really focus on what we are eating because neither of us get the exercise we should.  Something to think about though.  Perhaps I'll suggest to hubby to read this one book, just to give him something to think about.

In the Bible it would at times put in 'and Jesus rose early in the morning and went off to a quiet place'.  He needed His time alone with His Father, in the quietness of the morning.  When you rise early in the morning (assuming you do), do you not think about the quietness and how refreshing it is not to be bombarded with noise?  Even though our house is fairly quiet (except when hubby has the TV on), I love getting up early in the mornings to be quiet and read and listen and just be alone.  There is good to be found in the quietness.

Tomorrow morning, why not think about getting up 'early in the morning' and going to a quiet place to be alone with God?  If you don't know what to say to Him, that's fine.  Start with The Lord's Prayer.  You know you remember it.  In it, it says everything.

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.  Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.  Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.  And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, for thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever.  Amen.

(and yes, my mind was singing the song as I typed it out.)  Someday perhaps I will elaborate on what the words mean.... but not today.  I've rambled on enough.

Blessings.

Removing clutter....

 I've been thinking - and sometimes working at it - removing clutter from this house.  More thinking than doing it, I'm afraid.  I did work on my cookbooks last week and got them all together on a shelf.  I had actually bought a bookcase/storage unit to put on the cabinet to put them in, but it is too tall.  Decided to take the second shelf down in the laundry room to make room for it - and when i looked at the box, realized that I had grabbed a black unit, and not the white, as I want.  So it is still in the box; I decided not to remove the 2nd shelf, and put my cookbooks on it.  I went through the loose sheets of recipes and through several away I knew that I would never create. (Some you just know you won't do it)  The top of the cabinet still has some clutter on it, but hopefully I will work on it today.

I look again around this room and see all the clutter - which is much worse now with all the Christmas items, wrappings, boxes, etc. all over the bed, spilled on to the floor.  I really need to do something about this.  I've been wrapping gifts for the past couple weeks, writing down everything I wrap so that I know what I've bought for someone and be finished.  I know I have some things still enroute to come in, and think I will hold off 'shopping' for a week or so until all have arrived.  I sometimes forget to write down what I order because I get sidetracked.... and then it is too much... I actually think I am 'done' with a few people.  I can start on my baking and freeze it to send to family back in the midwest; but then I think how easy it would be just to order something and have sent there - which is what I did last year and it was well received.  Yeah, I'm leaning towards doing that again this year.  By the time I spent time and energy baking things, taking to ship out to the post office, I probably spend less by just ordering this one item from the bakery and letting them bake it and ship it.

I made plum jam last night - but because I don't really can it, it must remain in the refrigerator.  It's too sweet for me so hubby gets to enjoy it all.  I had bought him plums about 3 weeks ago and he hadn't eaten too many of them.  I had to use them up or throw away in another week as spoiled.   I haven't made biscuits in years from scratch.... I wonder if I can find a recipe to do so.  A hot biscuit with butter and jam on it does sound good.

I've actually been energetic the past two mornings.  And my body is telling me I actually DID something rather than just sit around.  Friday morning I went out front to do something - can't remember what - hubby was gone to meet a friend for breakfast - and I saw this plant that I haven't liked since we moved in here.  It was tall and growing over the sidewalk.  Before I knew what I was doing.... I had grabbed the cutters and started trimming it back.   The more I trimmed, the more branches it revealed that were dead.  Yeah, I ended up pulling the entire plant out of the ground.  Come to find out - it was ONE plant with a core of about 3 inches!  It had grown and laid across the 4-5 ft area it covered.  I didn't get all the roots out of the ground but it is at ground level now.  I bagged it all up, proceeded to trim a few more plants and I was very happy.  Then I scrubbed a couple of the benches, moved the chairs around, and tried to make the front area look nice.  A couple things I need to pick up supplies for and will get it done soon.  But it felt good to physically DO something.  Hubby always tells me he will do it - but doesn't - and refuses to let me.  I can only do something when he is not home.

Yesterday morning I met up with the youngest son and headed over to the condo that a nephew had stayed in for a few months.  His mother had told me to get his clothes and ship back to her.   I understand he has gained a lot of weight since being back with her and just eating and watching TV all the time, but she still said to ship the clothes.  We went over and cleaned out the condo of things we knew were his.  I got my dishes back that I had given him... and ended up with several other things that would be thrown away and I could use.  In talking with my sister later, she told him the blow up bed was hers and she wanted it back so left word with my son to tell his friend, who is still there this week, when he is finished with it to let the air out and bring it over.  I sorted through the clothes we brought back and threw away some, put a lot in a bag for Savers, and have 3 different size boxes to ship.  He had 10 pair of jeans!  Who has 10 pair of jeans??!!   At least once I send the items back we can close that chapter.

But today.... we will sit and watch a couple services on the computer and worship online.  We didn't go to church last night - even though it had been our plan.  We really do need to get back in person.... and did for awhile...  I'll work on wrapping the gifts I've gotten in the past couple of days to keep up on it.  I need to find a place to store the gifts - the corner is almost to the ceiling.  With the children not needing anything, and not sharing wants, and the grandchildren getting older and getting out on their own for the most part, there isn't anything anyone needs anymore.  But I enjoy even more than the gifts - other than the fact giving gifts is part of my love language - is having family about and cooking for them and having them near.  

This year has been a tough year, one that I would never want to repeat.  My heart has been broken numerous times, and struggles have been real.  I don't even know how the year will end.  But I lean into Jesus and trust Him always to get me through it.  He is the only One who can.  My heart desperately cries out to Him for help and wisdom and understanding... and I long to draw ever so close to Him.  Yet, sometimes I feel I hit a brick wall.  Have you ever felt that?  You know the feeling; prayers hit the ceiling?  Been going through that for a bit... and realize there is pain in my heart I have to let go of, that is blocking freedom.

It's hard to explain... and I am not going to attempt it this morning.  But I'm sure you experience it at times as well.  Sometimes the struggle is so bad I can't breathe ....  and yet, life goes on.  I know one thing and one thing only.....

Jesus is the only One who can advocate for me, who can draw me through the fire and into the peace of His presence.  I am crawling at times, but I'm reaching out to Him, and grabbing hold of the hem of His robe.  My heart and soul and mind need healing.  Help me, Jesus.

Blessings on your day.

Sleep - what is the right amount?

 Years ago, when I was taking a communication class at college, I had to do 'public speaking'.  I chose to do it on an article I had read about sleep.  I am pretty sure I even still have the paperwork for it buried somewhere in a folder.  I forget the title of it, but it was on not the value of sleep, althought that is good, but on our waking hours. 

Are we getting too much sleep and therefore not wanting to do anything the rest of the day?  Or are we getting just enough sleep that we can get up energetic and ready to get tasks accomplished?

My devotions today really hit home.  Ok, confession time.  I go to bed anywhere between 8PM - 9PM.  Usually it is around 8:30PM, unless I'm really tired.  Unfortuantely, usually that tiredness isn't from anything I've DONE, it's from BOREDOM of life.  Anyway - I'm going to share some of what I read this morning - and give you 'food for thought'.

Proverbs 6:6-11: "Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise! It has no commander, no overseer or ruler, yet it stores its provisions in summer and gathers its food at harvest.  How long will you lie there, you sluggard?  When will you get up from your sleep?  A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest - and poverty will come on you like a bnadit and scarcity like an armed man."

Newton's first law of motion states that a body at rest tends to stay at rest, while a body in motion tends to stay in motion.  Get the law of inertia working for you, rather than against you, by getting in gear early.  I'm not a morning person, but I've figured out (the hard way) that the direction I set in the morning is where the day heads.

Now I don't set the alarm clock, but because I have a Fitbit, I have the alarm(s) set on it.  When it buzzes it is to wake me up and either I will get up right away, or will try to sneak in another ten minutes (as in snooze).  This specific morning I couldn't believe I didn't feel the buzz of the alarm at 4AM, but it was 4:25AM before I felt it going off!  Snooze, snooze you lose!  The snooze button surely was inspired by the devil as a secret weapon against Christians!  If he can get us to hit the snooze button on our alarm clock, he has won in stealing time off our day!  And somehow he got me to sleep an extra 25 minutes today.  

Part of it I do blame on my new medication as it seems to make me extremely tired the first few days after I take it.  I'm hoping that wears off as I continue to take it weekly.

So what should we do in order to get enough sleep?  As we age, believe it or not, we need less sleep - not more!  That's why you see (as a rule) retired people still getting up early in the morning to start their day.  I have figured out that I need a minimum of 7 hours.  7.5 hours is great, but more than that and I am lazy and sluggish most of the day unless I have something specific to focus on.  So if I am in bed by 9PM, I easily wake up at 4AM and can come spend my time with God.

But the devil has been playing with me, as you will remember.  I often have come in here, snuggled into my chair (and on these cooler mornings it is so much easier to do so!) and gone back to sleep.  I've mentioned to you that I often think I'm climbing into my Father's lap to get that extra sleep, and that it was ok.  And it is - if I haven't gotten the amount of sleep that I needed the night before.  Otherwise, I am being lazy and giving the devil my time that I spend with God.  Guilty!  But also Forgiven.

Commit to a specific going to bed and wake-up time.  When you wake up, don't start dreading the day; get up and get going!  If you awaken during the night, there is possibly a reason for it and God is waking you to ponder about something; to pray for someone; to do something.  He will arrange for you to get the sleep you need.  Don't lay there tossing and turning because 'I can't sleep'.

God may be showing you that you need less sleep than you think.   We have been drilled for years that we need a minimum of 8 hours sleep - and as a child growing, we definitely do!  I'm sure there are still some adults who believe that as well.  I remember weekends as an adult (40 years ago!) of staying in bed and dozing until 10AM - 12PM!  Then I'd feel guilty about staying in bed so long when I would wake, turn over, and doze again.  I was being lazy; and allowing my depression to overcome me.  It's easy to stay in bed when you are depresssed.  But that is how the devil gets to us.  He lets us think that we are sleepy, when in fact, we have had plenty of sleep to get us through that day!

Take a moment and think about your sleep pattern.  Are you consistently going to bed at the usual time?  If you don't get to bed until midnight, don't try to stay in bed until 7AM just because you need 7 hours of sleep.  If you wake up at 5AM - get up!  Get dressed, and start your day.  That night you will get perhaps a deeper sleep and sleep 7 hours.  It's when we just continue to lay there and 'try' to sleep when God is prompting us to get up and DO something (like, spend time with Him?)  that we mess up our sleep schedule.

Start out by setting your alarm for seven hours (eight hours if you are under 35) from your appointed bedtime.  When the alarm goes off (or if you awaken having a reasonable amount of sleep), get up and get going.  Try this for a week.  Then adjust 15 minutes upward or downweard, depending on your energy level, until you determine the ideal number of sleep hours you need.  Make it an adventure to see how many mornings you can wake up without your alarm going off.  Set your alarm if you must, but try to get up before it goes off.

When I was working I had the alarm set for 4AM and I would get up and spend an hour with God, then at 5AM I would get in the shower and get ready for work, ready to head out the door at 6AM to report to work by 7AM.  My mornings were set.  When we were sent home to work remote, I decided to stay at 4AM because I really didn't expect to STILL be at home working, stating I would use the extra couple hours with God.  That has worked well for me; except many times I have chosen to go back to sleep.  My loss.  With reading this devotional and thinking about it, I stopped and got dressed, and came back to finish my reading.  Decided to share my thoughts here.  

How much time are you giving to sleep (or tossing and turning, trying to sleep) when you may be getting all the sleep you need before waking up?  I have a friend who gets by on 4-5 hours a night - has for years.  So she stays up late so that she can sleep 'through the night' the 4-5 hours.  I like getting a start on my day early (now) so I'm ok with going to bed before 10PM.  Ok, there are occasional weekends I may watch movies until 10:30-11PM, and you know what?  I wake up by 5AM  - an hour later - cause I needed the sleep.  

Let your body tell you how much sleep it needs every night.  Go to bed at a set time; get up when your body wakes up.  Some nights it may need a lot of sleep; some nights it may not.  Don't let the clock dictate to you how much you should sleep.  Let your body tell you.

And take that extra time to tell God 'thank you for waking me this morning'.  After all, the alternative is not waking at all!

Blessings!

Some things stay in draft form... and some things one shares....

 I wrote some yesterday, I really did.  But when I got to the end of it, decided that, naw... I don't want to 'publish' it.  It was nothing about nothing; probably some whining, as I often tend to do.  I'm really trying to do better in not complaining, not whining... at least so much.

Yesterday morning when I came into my room - for some unknown reason? - I did something I don't normally do.  I picked up my phone and looked to see what was on it since I had gone to bed.  I usually just leave the phone alone until it's time for me to start work and I have to get the 'code' so that I can get into the system.  I'm glad I was prompted to pick it up and see what was there.  

My DIL had sent me a text and asked for prayers about job interviews; for calmness and clarity, and for knowing which direction to take.  I didn't respond right away to the text as it was 4AM and I am sure that she was not up at that time.  I didn't want to wake her with the phone 'ding' of a message so wrote a little, but didn't send until later.  She did respond later in the day and thought the interview went well.  I am still praying for God's choice of what she should do and what job she should take.  These 'first interviews' may not be the one He has for her; and will continue to pray for her that she will know beyond all doubt where God wants her to be.  

I also spent some time praying for my son, that his job would start supplying him with work.  I feel that he enjoys his job, but when they don't supply him with work, it can be very frustrating for him.  Personally I think it would be a good time for him to work on his short stories or novel.... but that is 'mom's thought' versus his.

My arm broke out in its '3 month rash' again over the weekend.  The dermatologist had told me a year ago that if it came back and I could get into the office, he would like to see what it is.  Photos and descriptions did nothing for him.  Well, it came back on Saturday, same location, same design.  No itching, just red bumps all over.  I called Monday morning to get an appointment and couldn't get in until yesterday afternoon.  By then the redness was gone and it was nearly gone.  But I went anyway, with the hopes that he could see something.  He couldn't.  He finally saw a small patch that he said he could biopsy to get a diagnosis on what it is/was... so that is what he did.  Numbed that little patch of red skin and scaped the skin to get the biopsy - but also told me that it may not be enough of whatever it was to get a diagnosis.  I may have to wait until it happens again.  The only reason I pushed to get in this time was when I saw the redness of my arm and knew it was coming back, there appeared to be a mole right in the middle of it.  That made me nervous somewhat.  Everyone hears about skin cancer and I was concerned.  And yes, I prayed that it would be nothing at all.

Turns out the 'mole' that I was sure that was there is nothing more than a bruise.  (God's answer to my prayers?)  Now I can't figure out how I got it.  We had gone to brunch that morning - I found it right afterwards.  It's like someone took a pencil and jabbed my skin with it.  That is the size of it... like the end of a pencil eraser.  I told the doctor it was a mole - he took one look and said "no, it's a bruise and it will go away in a few days".  Did I ever feel stupid.  And he's right.  I can see that it has already started to fade.  I'll be more watchful next time!  I will get the results in about a week and a half they said.  I'm not worried about it; it would be nice to know what it is so that I can either do something about it or ... whatever.  My sister says she gets it and its ezcema (or however it is spelled).  I don't know what it is... it doesn't bother me... doesn't itch, and after 3 days goes away.  I checked and the first time I got it was May of 2019.  About every 3 months it comes back.  Last time was July 26.  Yeah, I've started writing it down on my calendar so that I can track it.  So - the end of January it should come back... will see!

I took my third Fosamax pill this morning and took a long shower so that I was up a minimum of 30 minutes before sitting down (really wanted to lay down and go back to sleep, but didn't).  Hubby has gone to his Bible study this morning.  We joined a Bible study through our new church and have been waiting for a response from the host.... haven't heard in over a week.  I checked online again last night and the group isn't listed anymore.  I guess it didn't work out for them to have the small group.  They were so close by too!  We need to find another group but at first glance, didn't feel a connection with the descriptions I briefly glanced at.  Perhaps God doesn't want us to join a small group yet.  Perhaps we will wait now until after the first of the year.  Perhaps God will lead us to have one in our home.  I don't know.  Will wait on His direction and His timing, for then it will be right.

Our winter speakings start next month and I have the first two Sundays in November.  We will be honoring our veterans the first Sunday, November 7th, so I have started on a veteran type message.  Unfortunately it is only about 10 minutes long so I need to work on it to get it to at least 20 minutes.  Then I need to work on one for the following week.  The extra money will help with Christmas buying.

Did I tell you that I have been wrapping again already?  I have just about everything wrapped - but did go online and bought several more items the other day.  That will finish up a few people and with wrapping them, I can mark them 'done'.  I so much love to buy and give to others... it's a trait I have from my mother, I think.  I don't care if I don't get anything in return; that's not my purpose of buying it.  I buy it and give it because I want to.  It's my 'love language'.

Love Language.  Have you ever wondered what God's 'love language' is to you?  His love language always is loving and giving and kind.  His love language is always a blessing, even when we don't think it is.  Whether the DIL gets one of these jobs she is interviewing for or not.... the answer is His love language.  What do I mean?   He loves my DIL so much that if a job is offered, and she feels that is the one God wants her to have and accepts it, He is the One who made it happen.  We have to be careful though.  The enemy sometimes will try to make it look like God's doing.... remember in the garden when the serpent said 'did God really say.....'.  Just because a job is offered doesn't mean it is the one God has. Or it could be a stepping stone.  One thing for sure; we must pray that God will provide what He wants her to have, and she will need to ask Him if it is the one He wants her to have.  Sound confusing?  Perhaps.  God's blessings are always the best and the enemy will always try to get us to commit to something out of need, versus waiting for the Blessing.  

I prefer to wait for the Blessing.  It's better than anything else you could receive.

Blessings!

God still answers prayers

Have you ever prayed for something and it didn't happen?  At least, it didn't happen the way you wanted it to.  It didn't happen WHEN you wanted it to.  Or it didn't happen AT ALL.  How do you feel about those times?  Did you earnestly seek God's favor and answer when you prayed for your request?  Or was it just a 'God will you do this?' prayer?

Sometimes it is in the seeking God that our answer is given.  Sometimes the subject of our prayer isn't answered because the timing isn't right.  Or perhaps it is just because we didn't really pray the prayer, it was more like 'I wish this would happen'.  It becomes a longing of our heart and of our own wants, and it hasn't really been a prayer at all.  In our own selfishness, it is something that we WANT, or perhaps even something that we NEED, and God is just waiting for us to truly ASK Him for it, longing to answer our request, but we never really put it into a sincere prayer.

Does that make sense to you?

And when God doesn't answer that request the way we want Him to, because we really haven't prayed about it; we really haven't sought Him for His answer to our request, we just 'put it out there', we get upset with God.  After all, doesn't His Word say that "He will give us the desires of our heart"?   We desired this, we TOLD God we wanted it, why didn't He give us the desire of our heart?

We get angry with Him.  We shut Him out of our lives because He didn't answer our request.  Dare we even list it as a prayer? A sincere prayer?  Yes, we may have sincerely prayed for someone to be healed; but did we see His hand in the situation at all if it wasn't answered?  Perhaps the healing not happening brought someone closer to God because of one's constant battering of Heaven's door for God to hear them.  Perhaps the death of someone we wanted to live was for someone else's benefit, that they would come to know Jesus through the life of the one departed?

Many good men and women have died, even though numerous prayers were offered on their behalf.  We all are going to die at some point (and some of us will be raised to life again in Christ) whether from old age or disease.  It always hurts to lose someone you love, regardless of the reason.  Lives taken too soon hurt deeply.  But it is all in God's Plan - we just don't see the bigger picture as He sees it.  

Do you trust God for the right answer?

I have a question for you.  If you should die today, what effect would it have on those who love you most?  Would they be heartbroken?  Did they have time to prepare?  Would they be relieved?  What would those we believe love us most - feel at that time?  Would they be grateful that you knew the Lord and that they have that opportunity to see you once again in Heaven?  Or would they be grieved that you would not be where they want you to be?  Where they hope you will be.

These thoughts come to me this morning because the reality is that death is close to each of us.  As I have aged, and friends close to me pass away from various things; accidents, disease, old age... that I think of where I am going when I die, and I wonder if those I love the most will be happy it's finally over or that they will miss making memories with me.  Sometimes memories are the things that get us through life.

I remember a week I spent with my mother the year before she died.  We made memories that week that I am grateful for.  Those memories have carried me through all these years when I think of her.  True, our lives together were not always the best; we were not always close.  But that year changed everything.  I got to see my mother in a new way as she shared things with me.

Funerals are occasions that I try to avoid if I can.  They rip my heart out, even when I am only an acquaintance of the person.  When they are a friend, it is so hard to tell them goodbye, even when I know I will see them again.   A funeral isn't for the dead; it is for those left behind.  An opportunity to say 'so long' or 'until we meet again'.  My tears at these 'events' are the cries of my heart.  Sometimes I have no control of my tears and even now, thinking about them, I find tears wanting to fall down my cheeks.  My heart is in anguish.

I know beyond a doubt that God still answers prayers.  Not just my prayers, but yours as well.  We may pray for a loved one to live; to find Jesus; to have provided for them the things we cannot provide.  We seek God for answers to our own questions.  Many times we feel there are no responses to our many requests.  Time goes by and we see no changes.  In fact, many times they may get worse.

But God still asnwers prayers.  The answer may be 'Yes'... it may be 'No'.... or it may be 'Not Now'.  Could the death of my mother influence one of my grandchildren who would remember her?  It's possible.  The death of my father, whom I barely knew before he passed, has influenced me greatly.  As I have asked questions about his life from my siblings and they have shared their memories, I want to make my daddy proud of me.  I found out this last trip back 'home' that daddy had a radio station and shared God's Word on it.  I didn't know that before. 

Which reminds me.  Just a side note.  My mother was never one to lavish praise on me.  She never made me feel she was proud of me.  When I received my license to be a minister, that my desire was to serve God in a church and be devoted totally to Him; she never said a word.  But when I was asked to be secretary (as we still called them at that time) of the state association of our non-denomination churches, she told me she was proud of me.  The irony of it all.  It still hurts that she was more proud of me serving as a secretary, then she was of my desire to serve God with all that I am.

I feel that has played a large part in my journey to serve.  I have other conflicts that haven't helped in the journey too, but I'm not dwelling on them.  It all comes down to one thing.  It all has been my choice.  I could have fought against the things that prevented me from going on staff at a church and got what I desired.... but would that have been right?  Believe me, I prayed earnestly and sincerely and passionately for what I truly believed God wanted for me.  I don't know why God didn't give me the answer I wanted.  My life would have been totally different than it is now, that is for sure.  But His direction is the only one that I need.  The only one that I want.  I may not have received my greatest desire or dream, but God knows my heart.  He knows what I desired.  He chose not to give it to me so that.......  I don't know.  Perhaps I have influenced someone to find Jesus in a way I couldn't have if I had been on staff somewhere.  I don't know.

But I know that God still answers prayers.

I'm doing a new Bible study - actually a couple of them - right now and it is on the Proverbs 31 woman.  Verse 10 states:  "A wife of noble character who can find?  She is worth far more than rubies."  Verse 11 goes on to say "Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value."  I want to be that woman.

But it also applies to men.  Think of it... "A man of noble character who can find?  He is worth far more than diamonds.   His wife has full confidence in him and lacks nothing of value."    I pray you want to be that man.

Take some time now to think about where you are in your life.  Are you believing that God still answers prayers - even when they are not the answers you seek?  It's not about you; it is not even about me; but I know that I know that I know.... 

In His time... He makes all things beautiful.  Lord, please show me every day, that in every way, You are still hearing and answering prayers.... in Your time.

Blessings.

It's my baby's birthday!

 As I sit here this morning spending my time with God, I am reminded it is my youngest son's birthday.  I stopped and text'd him a happy birthday note, to which he has just replied.  I am surprised he is up so early, but then, didn't I just pray that he would awaken and be greeted with a good day?  Silly me.  I am waiting for all the wishes and prayers I have given for my son to come true.  Just as I have for my older son and daughter and their spouses, and their children.  Who would pray for them if I didn't?  So I pray.

My youngest son was my 'surprise, you're pregnant' baby.  My husband was out of work, having been laid off from the firm he had been working for.  I was laid off from my job.  Hubby was working on the old house that we had bought from his parents.  One that his grandparents had lived in.  No insulation. No heat to speak of.  We had a gas stove in the big bedroom downstairs (in which we had two full beds.  Not queen or king, just full size.  My daughter and oldest son slept in one; hubby and I slept in the other.  

I loved the bed we slept in and wish I could have had it.  It was designed and built by my children's great grandfather.  I think the date on the back was 1904 and he had signed his name to it.  It had a four foot headboard and I loved it.  

We had a coal stove in the front room of this house.  We did have a regular stove in the kitchen.  But no heat.  The room in the front of the old house we had made into our ceramic shop.  Named R & N Ceramics, we both enjoyed making things.  My husband's work mainly was working on the house, trying to get insulation in to give us some warmth.  We all slept in the one room, with the gas stove.

Into this scene, come spring 1974, I found out I was pregnant with child #3.  Not planned on, not even discussed or thought about.  I remember going to visit my mother when I was one day late on my period and Mother was going through some cards and came across a 'congratulations on your baby' card.  She read it aloud and then looked at me.  She said "You are pregnant, aren't you?  I'll be sending this card to you!".  I was dumbfounded and could barely dispute it.  We had decided not to say anything to anyone and let it be a surprise.....as it was to us.... but here Mother had figured it all out.  In seconds.  How did she know?  I was only one day late!  And I was on the pill!

But pregnant I was.... this baby was stated to be born around Halloween.  That disturbed me.  I didn't want a baby born on Halloween.  But I tried not to think about it as my daughter was born 3 weeks late (due 12/29 and born 1/21), my oldest son was born late (due 8/29 and born 9/6).  Surely this one would be as well.   The pregnancy was hard.  Unlike the pregnancies I had had before, this one took its toll on me.  I was 'sick' for the first few months.  I was in constant pain, stomach and back.  I had two small children to watch and I could barely move.  And the summer was hot in an unairconditioned house once summer came.  I was miserable.  I think hubby found another job after several months out of work, but while I was still pregnant.  He worked hard on the 'farm' as we called it.  He tried his best to take care of all of us.  He was a good man.  A distant relative would farm the land that we had, and we'd split the profit.  We survived on that most of the time.

When October came, I was more than ready to deliver this baby.  I remember starting to feel twinges of pain... moreso than I had been feeling for the entire time.  Since we figured we were at least 1/2 hour to 45 minutes away from the hospital, we called the doctor and told him.  Since it was my third child, the doctor didn't want to take any chances, especially with my being in constant pain the entire pregnancy.  I wonder if they ever figured out why.  We didn't have ultrasounds or things like that back then.  I wonder.... would it have been something that could be easily rectified had they known what this child was laying up against?  

It was late evening, but we had my best friend, Bertie, take the two older children and we headed over to the hospital.  The contractions were just barely starting; the hospital floor was nearly empty.  They told me to walk.  So hubby and I walked up and down the hallways.  The contractions didn't progress so I went to bed and hubby went to sleep in a chair.  The next morning, though, the pains were getting stronger.  I'm probalby going to get all the times messed up... over the years some specifics dim in the mind.  

It seems like it was about 9:30-ish when the doctor came in and examined me to see how far I had progressed.  In doing so, he broke my water (on purpose).  I was going to have that baby.  He said he was going for a cup of coffee and would be back to check on me.  He walked out of the room with the nurse.  Hubby and I were there alone.  We were both still so naive about what life was about.

All of a sudden, this baby in my belly literally stood up - and flipped!  He was 'on his way!  I don't know that we even knew he had not flipped for delivery.  Back then we didn't have equipment to tell us.  But he definitely flipped in my belly in that room and I screamed (I'm sure!) and hubby ran to the doorway and yelled "Nurse!".  The doctor was standing by the elevator getting ready to go get his coffee.  Both the doctor and nurse came in the room, the nurse putting a mask over my face to knock me out (thank goodness!!).  I believe it was 9:37AM when this child was born.  Once he flipped, he was on his way out.  He didn't waste time.  He wanted out of there!

Weighing in at 7 pounds 15 ounces and 19 1/2 inches long, he was the smallest of my three children.  (the oldest was 8 pounds 10 ounces, 21" long, the middle child 8 pounds 1 ounce and 20 1/2 inches long)  (and I could be wrong on the inches..., how often do we think about those.....)

'Back in those days' they kept you in the hospital several days.  The day after this child was born, I had my tubes tied for we knew that we could not afford another child.  We had decided it would be me that would have surgery done, rather than hubby.  I ended up in the hospital from Monday evening to I believe it was the following Sunday.  

My husband and I were so proud of this baby and loved him so much.  So did his older brother and sister.  He made our family complete.  He, always being so small, seemingly always had to fight his way through life. Grade school was a constant battle for him.  He was almost daily getting into fights and I was constantly called about them.  But then he entered fifth grade.  I will never forget his teacher, although I do not remember his name.

This teacher called me and actually told me he had prayed that he would not get my child in his class for fifth grade.  His reputation in the other 4 grades was not good.  He didn't want him.  But he got him. And this is what he said.  "I will not be treating him as the other women teachers did."  Since he was always so small (in height) compared to the other children, the women teachers would let him sit on their laps while they read stories or whatever they did. (It was during the recess that he would get in fights)  I was informed that this male teacher would make my child stay in his seat, and be accountable for what he did.  I agreed.  I had no idea the other things had happened; only the fights on the playground that I would get calls about.   I may have gotten only one phone call that year about a fight; I don't remember.  But I feel that that year was a turning point for this son.  This male teacher treated him with no special privileges, just because he was small.

Many years have passed.  Many troubled years.  Many painful years.  But this child has grown into a good man.  Serving our country for 22 years, he finally got to retire this past year.  Would I wish things were different for this child?  Yes and no.  I long for him to experience the freedom he can have in Jesus.  He was my 'preacher boy' growing up.  Another story for another day.

He is 47 years old today.  He has been through a lot in his life; a lot of things self-inflicted.  Those are the things that pain my heart.  I believe in him, and I know that he has great potential still.  But he has to make that choice to 'do one better'.  I can't do it for him.  

His my son, always will be my son, and I will always love him.  I pray he will make his daddy proud of the man he has become.  He is a product of our love, just as our other children are.  

Happy birthday, son.  You probably won't read this .... and that's ok...  I'm just sitting here thinking about you, the journeys you have been on.  The journeys ahead of you that we have no thoughts of.   How much you are loved.... by your daddy, and by me.

So on this special day, I wish you love, joy, and peace.  I pray that you will always know that you are dearly loved, and that I still have dreams for you.  Blessings to you on your special day, son.   Tomorrow is another day, but today, it's all about you.

Happy birthday.

Middle of the day.....

 Well, actually, the time is late afternoon and here I am.  I am surviving.  I still have a little time left on the clock but decided, since nothing else has been going on nearly all day, that I would take a break (after all, I didn't take a lunch break) that I would jump on my personal computer and see what I can put on here.

I'm still struggling with exhaustion and fatigue - assuming it is still the Fossamax that is doing it.  Talked with my brother today and he said it was one of the symptoms he had.... and a few others.  Once he got Barrett's disease from taking it (one of the side effects), he was switched to another drug.  He suggested I check with my doctor on taking the other.  I see my doctor in December so will see how things go until then.

Hubby and I are thinking about running away.  Even as early as tonight ... but we decided to see if we can get away next weekend and head up north to see what trees have changed color.  It seems odd to be able to plan a spur of the moment trip.  We still miss Sheeba, but know she is happy being able to run loose.  She is a good dog.  I hear hubby trying to get reservations.... I have two nights free, but I told him I want to save those until we can get more time built up.  When we take a week's vacation, it would be nice if our entire stay was free.  LOL  I hate it when hubby makes reservations.... he gets frustrated and ends up yelling over the clerk.  Oh my.  

It's beautiful out.  I actually took a little time and sat outside for a few minutes when hubby was out there.  I made reservations to go see a one night showing of C S Lewis's life at a theatre nearby and was telling him about it.  Looks interesting.  A bit pricey, especially since we don't go to shows as a rule, but I splurged on tickets, a large popcorn AND two sodas.  It will be a nice evening out, since we don't really go out anywhere.

Guess what I started doing yesterday .....   I pulled all the gifts out of my closet, out of the drawers, and started wrapping Christmas gifts!  Yes I did!  I'm uncertain what I have bought already cause I messed up my list.... so as I wrap them, I write down what it is and who it is for.  I'm excited for one granddaughter to see what I got for her and hubby.  It's cute.  Still have a lot to wrap up, but did get some things done.  Christmas will be here in 71 days!  Gasp!  Did I figure that out right?  16 days left in this month, 30 in November, and 25 in December.... OH MY!!  I have so much to get done!  And I'm not buying much this year.... yes... I truly have cut back.

Don't know anything more to share.  LOL  Rates must have been too high.... hubby is calling another hotel.  I have a feeling we will NOT be going up north next weekend.  Now I need to figure out what to do so that he won't be so upset that he can't do his idea of getting away.  I'm sorry - but - everyone wants to go up north to see the leaves change.  Personally... I don't care.  He is the one who gets out throughout the week.  He was gone 3 hours this morning, breakfast with a friend, doing some errands.  Me, I'm at home all day looking at a computer screen.  

I'm feeling bummed so will hush before I start whining.  No real reason to whine... my life sometimes wears me down.  I am grateful, though, that my joy is not dependent upon my circumstances; nor upon whom I live with; nor upon my job or what is going on in my life.  My joy is found in Jesus - and yes, sometimes I have to remind myself of that fact.  The things - and people - in this world will fade away... but Jesus and His Word will always remain true.

Thank you, Jesus, for the joy You give me in You.  

Week Two... wonder how it will go....

 As if you were wondering, I took week two pill today of the Fosmax.  The first week has not been so good, but part of it I have contributed to being in a different time zone and the long trip home.  What do I mean?  This past week I have been physically and mentally exhausted.  Well, that is how I have felt.  Even through yesterday I could not get enough sleep.  I would go to bed at 8PM and even though I would get up at 4AM to spend time with God, I would read a little and go back to sleep for a half hour or more.  Deep sleep.  I just could not wake up.  I am hoping that the pain I felt in my legs and neck do not return; and I hope that, even though today I still feel very tired, I will soon regain the focus and energy that I feel has been depleted.  

I didn't sleep well last night for a couple reasons.  My favorite boss is heading out this way for a tour of one of our skilled nursing facilities.  Our original plan was that she is 12 minutes away so we need to meet up for brunch.  That plan worked well until I had to schedule a critical meeting during that time and there was no other place to put it.  So we left it that we'd have to not meet.  So why didn't I sleep and what did that have to do with it?  I laid awake trying to figure out a way that I could meet up with her.  After all, I do have her birthday present still that I haven't seen her to give to her.  And Saturday is also 'Boss's Day' so I'm not sure what I'm going to do with that.  Especially now that I have three bosses.  I think that I will just send a card to each one.  Maybe I'll run to the drugstore sometime today and pick out three and get in the mail.  Or, I could just go to Blue Mountain Cards as I have an account there and email them one.  Will have to make a decision on that today, I think.

The other thing that kept me awake was making myself remember I was to take that pill today.  They make it difficult.... one time a week; first thing in the morning; do not lay down or lay back for 30 minutes.  They prefer that you stand for 30 minutes - and suggested taking a shower.  So that's what I did this morning.  I came in to my room, took my pill with a lot of water, then took a shower.  That worked,  By the time I was finished and dressed, my 30 minute stay up time was completed and hubby was starting to wake up.  Surprised that the shower didn't awaken him, but then he does sleep without his hearing aids.  Now I can take my regular daily pills, drink a cup of coffee, and think about how the day is going to go.

I am going to jump online early so that I can once again look at my boss' calendar to see if there is any way we can meet up, even for a few minutes.  She wants to see my house and since she is so close - why not.  It isn't totally clean, but at least most things are put away and hubby did run the sweeper yesterday.  It would be nice if we could get away for a quick brunch or lunch, but if not, that's ok.  

I started emptying my closet yesterday of Christmas gifts that I have already purchased.   One thing I have figured out; I need to QUIT buying for the great granddaughters.   The grandchildren are teenagers and above now and I see them so seldom I do not know what to give them.  I do know I want to see them.  Those with jobs now or live far enough away - well, I don't get to see them.  I had hoped the relationship we developed when they were growing up would keep us close as they grew up.  My heart aches to be around them again.  

I more and more know how my mother felt; and yet, couldn't explain how it felt.  When a mother feels so much love for her family and yet is not a part of their lives, it leaves a lot of emptiness and loneliness for what was.  I imagine it is that same way for fatherss.  Longing for a closer relationship and yet, needing to let go and let the 'bird' fly on its own wings.  But always staying close by in case.... just in case.  

In spite of circumstances; my prayer is that each of my children, my grandchildren, and my great-grandchildren, will always know I pray for them, and that I so dearly love them.  Things are not always what they seem in families.   

May the Lord bless you and keep you, make His face shine upon you, may He be gracious to you.... may He turn His face towards you, and may He give you peace.  

Wednesday.  Today.  Sit back and think about where you are with Jesus.  Do you know Him?  The Savior of the world?  The One who loves you more than His own life?  Spend some time talking with Him... He's near, waiting for you.

Blessings.

Verona Coffee this morning....

 Went to Sam's Club and Fry's yesterday and spent way too much money - and still feel that I did not buy very much.  Hubby doesn't like the breakfast blend coffee we have been drinking - and I like strong coffee - so bought a bag of Verona yesterday.  Abit pricey, but drinking it this morning, it is well worth it.  But I do have a question.  Of course I look at the 'directions' when buying something new.... and it said to use two tablespoons for each 6 ounce cup.  My cups are at last 8 ounces; where did they get that a cup is 6 ounces?  So, in preparation for good cup of coffee this morning I am measuring it out last night, trying to calculate and think it through.  I THINK I put 15 tablespoons in the filter and told hubby to push the 8 cup button (according to their 6 ounce theory, that should be 7 1/2 cups.  Knowing it would be strong (because Starbucks always is), I told hubby to just push the 8 (8-ounce) cup on the coffeemaker.  Well, he believes I said 10 cups - and I may have because by then I was way confused.  And you know what - the 10 cups water and 15 tablespoons of Verona seem to work perfectly.  It tastes great this morning - strong enough to wake me up some, and tasteful too.  Coffee.  It's what is good each morning first thing.  Jesus and Coffee always go together. :-)

I am finally starting to recover, but I'm not sure if it is from our trip and the time difference, 'jet lag', or my new prescription I have to take.  All I know is that since we have been back I have been exhausted. I've been going to bed earlier, and although getting up at my usual 4AM (5AM on weekends), I have still fallen asleep for at least 30 minutes while sitting here reading.  Today I feel like I am starting to come out of it, whatever it was.  I will find out if it is my medication come the middle of this week.  I started taking it last Wednesday.... since that time I have had severe leg aching (not cramps) in the middle of the night; my neck has hurt bad enough I spent the $$ to buy cream to put on my neck to dull the pain enough I could sleep.  I take my second dose this Wednesday morning so will see how it affects me.  I am praying for God to intervene with any reactions and will help me get through any that I have.  And I believe that He will.  Just as I am asking for His complete healing of my osteopenia (which means I must also do my part - exercise with weights and walk).  I believe He will heal me, just as He has healed my big brother of osteoporosis.  Yes, He no longer is classified in that range; he is back into the osteopenia range (the beginning of osteoporosis) because he has used weights, walked, and eaten better so that his bones will strengthen.  

We have joined a small group nearby through our new church.  It meets on Thursday evenings at 6:30PM I think it is.  We really need to get plugged in so just 'went for it'.  We haven't gone yet and will probably start this week (just signed up last week).  It will be good to be 'in community' with others again.  Perhaps I can get a woman from that group to walk with me on occasion and become good friends.  

I am reminded this morning in my devotions that everything is in God's timing.  I have prayed many years for many things.  Some have been answered, some have not as yet.  Some I am grateful to God that He didn't answer the way I asked for them.  And in other answers I have praised Him alone for what He alone could have brought about.

I will only say this to you.... if you are reading this.... and you believe in the power of prayer.... be ready.  God is going to do something mighty and great in your life.  It doesn't matter how I pray, or what I pray, when you  are mentioned, God is in control.  You can't fight it forever; you can't really fight it at all.  Be watchful, and see the hand of the Lord intervene in situations  you never thought possible.  He will restore what the locusts have taken away.

Joel 2:25 (KJV) "And I will restore to you the years the locusts have eaten......"

Do I believe the Word of the Lord?  Absolutely.  Do I really believe that years that have taken life away will be restored?  Yes I do.  They will not go back to what they were; they won't even be the same, and perhaps not even as long.  But I believe that the things that took life away will be restored and a New Life will be born.  Yes, I believe it.  And when the Lord restores you, He will bless you and keep you.  You will know beyond all doubt that it is by His hand that you are rescued from disaster and that your feet are on solid ground.

As we begin a new week, take a moment and think of the times that God has already rescued you from disaster, from distress.  Perhaps it was a health issue.  Perhaps it was a financial issue.  Perhaps it was a relationship issue.  It could be anything.

Listen..... do you not hear it?   Jesus is calling your name..... the time is now... do not delay.  Come quickly to the Throne of the Most High God.... the One who loves you more than He loved His own life.  He's calling your name.... and He's waiting on you to make the move to Life and to Freedom in Him.

Blessings.

And just like that..... She's gone.....

 Wednesday evening was a tough evening.  As you are aware, we have discussed this topic numerous times, with others and with each other.  A friend of a friend came over before we left to meet Sheeba.  She was very skittish around him, even barking at him.  We decided it was because he was currently dog-sitting and had their smell on him.  Sheeba wasn't sure who this person was.  Eventually she warmed up to him; especially when he put the leash on her to take for a short walk.  We asked him to think about it and get back with us after our vacation.  We were not going to push Sheeba off on him; we were still flip-flopping to let her go.  

It was a very hard decision.  I must admit the doctor who gave me my diagnosis of osteopenia really made me fearful of falling or getting my bones hurt.  To me it's 'what's the big deal - you fall and break a bone, so what?'.  But the problem is, my bones don't heal like they used to.  The doctor said that he didn't want me in the hospital because of broken bones because I could get sick there.  I joked with him and said that 'yeah, my mother went into the hospital with a broken ankle.... and died'.  True statement.  Mother had a lot of medical issues so it all was against her coming out of it.  But it made me think about it.   I sometimes think that when Sheeba threw me into the doorway the last time she cracked my wrist bone for it was swollen and blue for a week.  Why am I thinking that?  Well, I'll get to that in a bit.

Hubby contacted this friend Wednesday and we were told that 'yes' he did want Sheeba.  They called later and said they were on the way to get her.  Anguish filled my heart (and hubby's) as we thought about this decision.  Was it the right one?  We gathered all her toys (even the squeaky ones I only let her have on occasion), the dog food, cleaned her feeding stand and gathered her bowls.  Folded up her crate and things were ready.  LOL  Sheeba had so much 'stuff' (spoiled, for sure!) that it filled up the back of the car!  Again Sheeba played skittish - for about 5 minutes.  He took her out on the leash and she was his best friend.  The car got loaded up; we finished saying our goodbyes to Sheeba.  It hurt inside really bad.  But we both know it is for the best - for Sheeba.

We were told by our friend that if we ever decide we want her back, he will bring her back to us immediately.  Also, if we ever want to visit, we are always welcome to do so.  I don't know if we will take advantage of that offer or not.  I don't want to confuse her.   This was the perfect timing to let her go.  She had been at the pet hotel for two weeks and away from us.  We had her back only a day and a half.  Going off with our friend didn't bother her in the least.

Yesterday morning our friend sent us photos of Sheeba.  One was of her in her new fenced in back yard with lots of running space.  Another was of Sheeba laying down at his feet.  She is in love with her new 'master'.  She will be loved, and well cared for, and that is all we can pray for.  Sheeba may be physically gone from our home, but will always be in our hearts.  And now, no more dogs.  Especially big dogs are out of the question.  If I was younger where I could hold on to her, I would have refused to let her go.  Being dragged by her leash across two yards and falling... well, I was lucky I didn't land on concrete that time.  Our house is quiet and still.

Funny..... hubby said he got up yesterday morning to get my coffee and used his phone for light as he went to the bathroom and down the hallway to the kitchen.  He did that every morning so that he wouldn't wake up Sheeba (so he thought).  He got to the kitchen before he remembered she was gone and could turn on the kitchen light.  Yeah, she was spoiled.  I'm glad we found someone who will love her and care for her.  But it doesn't make it any easier to let her go.

I think I mentioned I started taking the Fosamax I was given for my osteopenia.  The first day I was ok; didn't experience anything different - other that my wrists hurting ... the left one where it had been fractured several years ago.... and the right one where Sheeba had thrown me into the door frame.... which is why it made me wonder if I had cracked the bone.  It was just in one area where it had been swollen.  Interesting.  All else was ok..... until about 12:30AM yesterday morning when I was awakened out of a deep sleep with both of my legs aching as if I had ran a marathon.  (not that I had ran a marathon - ever - but it made me think of that)  The pain lasted for about a half hour, and then I was able to drift back off to sleep.  Yesterday evening my neck and upper back were aching before we went to bed.  Took an aspirin and rubbed arthritic cream on my neck and upper back and was able to sleep most of the night.  I'm hoping this won't be a repeat every week; I take the medication only once a week.

I'm thankful to God that we have friends that are willing to help us with Sheeba.  This friend had 'lost' his German Shepherd five years ago and it was only recently he gave thought to getting another.  Sheeba is identical to the one he lost.  Ironically, her name was 'Shira'.  I feel a part of me has been taken away, but I know this void will heal.  When I lost Marley, a big hole was there.  Letting Sheeba go was hard, but at least I know she will be well taken care of.

Have pretty much gotten caught up with work.  Need to learn how to do timecards.  And soon.  I still want to retire, and yet, I know things will be very tight if I do.  I'd be willing to give it a try.... but hubby isn't.  That hurts.... but another topic altogether.

I don't have much else to add today so will close.  Will try to get back to writing as I wanted this to be soon.  My heart has lost some of the joy... and I often have to tell myself that people and dogs are not my joy and strength.  

My joy and strength comes from the Lord.  Only He can supply all that I need.  He alone is my strength, my healer, my joy, my peace.  

Blessings.

And..... I'm back.....

 Never again do I want to do vacation for two weeks.  That's about how long we were gone.  We had a great time, don't get me wrong.  It was restful; relaxing; and we had a great time.  Travel there was great; no problems.  Pouring rain and 54 degrees greeted us.  Picked up by my little sister and hubby, we had to hit White Castles on the way to their place.  Oh yum.  I ATE 5 OF THEM!!!  I was so full; but couldn't stop eating them!  In my defense, they ARE small.  

We had dinner with my little brother and his wife, my older sister, and my younger sister and hubby on Thursday.  It was one way I could be sure to tsee them.  I did get back to visit my younger brother at his home the next week and we had a nice visit.  He said to tell my sons he loves them.

After a couple days with my little sister, we headed off to the in-laws to prepare for the wedding.  It went well (on Saturday) and although it had rained earlier, and was very cool.  There was a tent, in which I stayed except for the ceremony.  The bride was a half hour late, but being the wedding was at the father-in-law's house, it didn't seem to matter.  It didn't take long for me to notice why the new mother-in-law does not care for her.  But that's none of my business.  Catered food of BBQ brisket and pork, mac & cheese, baked beans - was all good.  Since the nephew is a beer maker (wants to be a brewmaster) he had a big keg of beer there for everyone.  Also had the champagne, sweet tea, unsweetened tea, etc.  It became a bit disorganized (in my opinion) after the ceremony, but I minded my own business.

Monday after the wedding we rented a car for hubby to have and I met up with my little sister again.  We had a good time together, leaving on Tuesday to go to Brown County in Nashville, IN.  We checked into the hotel and then hit the shops.  I didn't buy much as I knew I couldn't handle the weight in the suitcase.  I miss being able to shop for my children, etc., but it is best that I didn't.  (As it was, I did have to mail a couple small packages home just because of the 50 pound weight limit in the suitcase and I was at 46 pounds when we left.  The packages will arrive tomorrow.  I should have just bought a small suitcase to put them in.  We found out when we got to the airport we could have two suitcases - not just one each.)

My sissy and I hit a lot of the shops in Brown County - she sure is the shopper; no wonder she is frequenty broke!  LOL  I did my share, for sure, but was very careful on what I did purchase.  I did buy 'thank you' gifts for those we stayed with, so it was worth going.  Before we got to Nashville we hit the outlet stores in Edinberg and I was able to find a nice pair of dress slacks and a polo shirt for myself.  And I found out at the Lee store that my Rider jeans/slacks are being removed from the market.  I love that brand as they fit me best in length and size.  I can still order via Amazon so at least for awhile I can get new jeans.  I just hate having to pay $25 for a pair of jeans - but then, I have jeans that I've had for years.  They only wear through where my fat legs rub together.  I know; TMI.    I need to buy patches and keep them!  LOL

I tried a couple times to go visit my big sister but she kept telling me 'no not today'.  She actually called me yesterday and said that she didn't want me to see the mess that her son has made of her apartment.  She is ashamed of the smell and spots in the carpet made by his bird and dog.  She just can't get him to move out.  She quarantines herself in her bedroom because he has taken over the front room and kitchen; which the apartment is only a one bedroom.  I feel bad for her, but she needs to lay boundaries an follow through on them.

My visit to my big brother's house was a blast.  This is the most we have spent with him and it was a lot of fun.  One night we had such a great meal that I want to try and duplicate it.  We had a tomahawk steak (I had never heard of it - but recently saw them in Sam's Club) that was amazing.  He cooked it for two hours as it is so thick.  It was so good.  One tomahawk steak, four people, and hubby had seconds... and we still had leftovers.  It was big.  My SIL made French Onion Soup from scratch (I can't wait to try it!) and it was so good.  Also had lobster and a baked potato.  Needless to say, we ate well that night!  We went to my nephew's for a cookout one night and I got to see his new house.  It was huge and he has alot of land with it, and it is gorgeous.  Church on Sunday morning - great service too - then on to the Indianapolis Museum of Art - where we got to see all the fall/halloween decorations throughout the property and in the 'Lily House'.  We grabbed lunch while we were there and once back to my brother's house, headed back to the in-laws for the rest of the day. I did forget some clothes at my little sister's so we had to make a detour to her place to pick them up.

Our trip home had been changed by Southwest so instead of a direct flight back (a little over 3 hours), we had to go to Vegas, have a two hour layover, and then home (a little over 7 hours home).  My daughter picked us up and had us home by 11:45PM.  We were tired!  Silly me, I didn't take yesterday off to recouperate so was up a little after 4AM to get woke up to work.  I struggled throughout the day with the afternoon beign the worst, but made it to 8PM before I told hubby "I'm done".  He slept a couple hours during the afternoon so he stayed up.  It feels good to be back in our own bed, with our own pillows.  

I started my new medication this morning for my osteopenia.  I was determined I was going to enjoy vacation (and I did - and I didn't gain even a pound!) so waited until we got back.  I was going to start it on Sunday, but decided Wednesdays will work as well.  I'm a bit nervous about the side effects; they are brutal, I hear.  My brother took these for awhile and he said after awhile he developed 'Barretts disease' and had to go on another medication.  My daughter took them and they put her in bed for two days with severe bone pain to where she was taken to the ER.  Please pray that I won't have any of those side effects and that I will do well with this medication.  I was very careful while I was on vacation not to fall and only had one misstep, which I didn't share with anyone.  I had my new glasses on and missed a step as I was walking to the car... and you know the feeling when you step off a curb that you didn't know was there and it feels like your entire back is slammed into the concrete.  Yeah, I had that feeling.  I was a bit shaken (it was about 6-8" I missed preparing for) but stretched my back out later and it didn't seem to hurt.  Must pay more attention.

So that was our vacation.  I learned a few things.  1) two weeks is too long to go on vacation; even with family.  We had a good time, everything went well, but there were a few days nothing was going on and it felt like they were trying to find something for us to do.  Overall, it was a great trip, but 8-10 days will be long enough.  2) two weeks is very expensive.  Hubby came in and threw the pet hotel bill at me yesterday.  It was about $400 more than he expected.  I just looked at him.  He was grumbling he is having to take the $ out of savings.  I told him that we decided up front that cost was going to be high; but we haven't been in 8 years so it equals out.  I did not offer to help pay the pet hotel bill (it comes out of the joint account, and he has the money).  He actually asked me about things I paid for; the airline (you paid for it last year - so what, I still paid for it!), the car rental.  Meals we ate out and I picked up the tab.  Yeah, he wasn't pulling anything on me - he never offered to give me any help.  :)  I knew it would be expensive for us; but the money was in the bank and we won't do anything like this trip again.  It was well worth it.  I also reminded him it isn't just the 'room' he reserved for Sheeba (being large she gets the largest room which costs more - with a patio!), it was also the play time, extra potty breaks, etc. that he requested.  It does all add up.  She had a nice vacation from us; although we did get a report she was sent to her room one time.. she had an 'altercation' with a couple other dogs one day so that was her punishment..  LOL

It's good to be back home.  I did come back to 600+ emails on the work computer.  Yipes.  It took me three hours to get them down to where I can handle them.  Have so much to get done today in follow-up.  Hubby wants me to take off this afternoon to go to a doctor appointment with him.... I'm not allowed to share.... but he has a couple medical issues that he is getting information on.

Time to hit the shower before hitting the work computer.  Overall, we had a good time on our vacation and now recovery is in full mode - financially and physically.  It's all good.  Didn't get my 6 mile walk in (with my little sister) or the 12 mile walk in (with my brother).  Sister sometimes is 'all talk' and no action; with brother, it rained during the time we had scheduled to walk.  Oh well.  I do need to get out here now and do some walking. Got to buid my bones up.

Take care - hope you have a great day.

Blessings!