I've been thinking - and sometimes working at it - removing clutter from this house. More thinking than doing it, I'm afraid. I did work on my cookbooks last week and got them all together on a shelf. I had actually bought a bookcase/storage unit to put on the cabinet to put them in, but it is too tall. Decided to take the second shelf down in the laundry room to make room for it - and when i looked at the box, realized that I had grabbed a black unit, and not the white, as I want. So it is still in the box; I decided not to remove the 2nd shelf, and put my cookbooks on it. I went through the loose sheets of recipes and through several away I knew that I would never create. (Some you just know you won't do it) The top of the cabinet still has some clutter on it, but hopefully I will work on it today.
I look again around this room and see all the clutter - which is much worse now with all the Christmas items, wrappings, boxes, etc. all over the bed, spilled on to the floor. I really need to do something about this. I've been wrapping gifts for the past couple weeks, writing down everything I wrap so that I know what I've bought for someone and be finished. I know I have some things still enroute to come in, and think I will hold off 'shopping' for a week or so until all have arrived. I sometimes forget to write down what I order because I get sidetracked.... and then it is too much... I actually think I am 'done' with a few people. I can start on my baking and freeze it to send to family back in the midwest; but then I think how easy it would be just to order something and have sent there - which is what I did last year and it was well received. Yeah, I'm leaning towards doing that again this year. By the time I spent time and energy baking things, taking to ship out to the post office, I probably spend less by just ordering this one item from the bakery and letting them bake it and ship it.
I made plum jam last night - but because I don't really can it, it must remain in the refrigerator. It's too sweet for me so hubby gets to enjoy it all. I had bought him plums about 3 weeks ago and he hadn't eaten too many of them. I had to use them up or throw away in another week as spoiled. I haven't made biscuits in years from scratch.... I wonder if I can find a recipe to do so. A hot biscuit with butter and jam on it does sound good.
I've actually been energetic the past two mornings. And my body is telling me I actually DID something rather than just sit around. Friday morning I went out front to do something - can't remember what - hubby was gone to meet a friend for breakfast - and I saw this plant that I haven't liked since we moved in here. It was tall and growing over the sidewalk. Before I knew what I was doing.... I had grabbed the cutters and started trimming it back. The more I trimmed, the more branches it revealed that were dead. Yeah, I ended up pulling the entire plant out of the ground. Come to find out - it was ONE plant with a core of about 3 inches! It had grown and laid across the 4-5 ft area it covered. I didn't get all the roots out of the ground but it is at ground level now. I bagged it all up, proceeded to trim a few more plants and I was very happy. Then I scrubbed a couple of the benches, moved the chairs around, and tried to make the front area look nice. A couple things I need to pick up supplies for and will get it done soon. But it felt good to physically DO something. Hubby always tells me he will do it - but doesn't - and refuses to let me. I can only do something when he is not home.
Yesterday morning I met up with the youngest son and headed over to the condo that a nephew had stayed in for a few months. His mother had told me to get his clothes and ship back to her. I understand he has gained a lot of weight since being back with her and just eating and watching TV all the time, but she still said to ship the clothes. We went over and cleaned out the condo of things we knew were his. I got my dishes back that I had given him... and ended up with several other things that would be thrown away and I could use. In talking with my sister later, she told him the blow up bed was hers and she wanted it back so left word with my son to tell his friend, who is still there this week, when he is finished with it to let the air out and bring it over. I sorted through the clothes we brought back and threw away some, put a lot in a bag for Savers, and have 3 different size boxes to ship. He had 10 pair of jeans! Who has 10 pair of jeans??!! At least once I send the items back we can close that chapter.
But today.... we will sit and watch a couple services on the computer and worship online. We didn't go to church last night - even though it had been our plan. We really do need to get back in person.... and did for awhile... I'll work on wrapping the gifts I've gotten in the past couple of days to keep up on it. I need to find a place to store the gifts - the corner is almost to the ceiling. With the children not needing anything, and not sharing wants, and the grandchildren getting older and getting out on their own for the most part, there isn't anything anyone needs anymore. But I enjoy even more than the gifts - other than the fact giving gifts is part of my love language - is having family about and cooking for them and having them near.
This year has been a tough year, one that I would never want to repeat. My heart has been broken numerous times, and struggles have been real. I don't even know how the year will end. But I lean into Jesus and trust Him always to get me through it. He is the only One who can. My heart desperately cries out to Him for help and wisdom and understanding... and I long to draw ever so close to Him. Yet, sometimes I feel I hit a brick wall. Have you ever felt that? You know the feeling; prayers hit the ceiling? Been going through that for a bit... and realize there is pain in my heart I have to let go of, that is blocking freedom.
It's hard to explain... and I am not going to attempt it this morning. But I'm sure you experience it at times as well. Sometimes the struggle is so bad I can't breathe .... and yet, life goes on. I know one thing and one thing only.....
Jesus is the only One who can advocate for me, who can draw me through the fire and into the peace of His presence. I am crawling at times, but I'm reaching out to Him, and grabbing hold of the hem of His robe. My heart and soul and mind need healing. Help me, Jesus.
Blessings on your day.
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