As if you were wondering, I took week two pill today of the Fosmax. The first week has not been so good, but part of it I have contributed to being in a different time zone and the long trip home. What do I mean? This past week I have been physically and mentally exhausted. Well, that is how I have felt. Even through yesterday I could not get enough sleep. I would go to bed at 8PM and even though I would get up at 4AM to spend time with God, I would read a little and go back to sleep for a half hour or more. Deep sleep. I just could not wake up. I am hoping that the pain I felt in my legs and neck do not return; and I hope that, even though today I still feel very tired, I will soon regain the focus and energy that I feel has been depleted.
I didn't sleep well last night for a couple reasons. My favorite boss is heading out this way for a tour of one of our skilled nursing facilities. Our original plan was that she is 12 minutes away so we need to meet up for brunch. That plan worked well until I had to schedule a critical meeting during that time and there was no other place to put it. So we left it that we'd have to not meet. So why didn't I sleep and what did that have to do with it? I laid awake trying to figure out a way that I could meet up with her. After all, I do have her birthday present still that I haven't seen her to give to her. And Saturday is also 'Boss's Day' so I'm not sure what I'm going to do with that. Especially now that I have three bosses. I think that I will just send a card to each one. Maybe I'll run to the drugstore sometime today and pick out three and get in the mail. Or, I could just go to Blue Mountain Cards as I have an account there and email them one. Will have to make a decision on that today, I think.
The other thing that kept me awake was making myself remember I was to take that pill today. They make it difficult.... one time a week; first thing in the morning; do not lay down or lay back for 30 minutes. They prefer that you stand for 30 minutes - and suggested taking a shower. So that's what I did this morning. I came in to my room, took my pill with a lot of water, then took a shower. That worked, By the time I was finished and dressed, my 30 minute stay up time was completed and hubby was starting to wake up. Surprised that the shower didn't awaken him, but then he does sleep without his hearing aids. Now I can take my regular daily pills, drink a cup of coffee, and think about how the day is going to go.
I am going to jump online early so that I can once again look at my boss' calendar to see if there is any way we can meet up, even for a few minutes. She wants to see my house and since she is so close - why not. It isn't totally clean, but at least most things are put away and hubby did run the sweeper yesterday. It would be nice if we could get away for a quick brunch or lunch, but if not, that's ok.
I started emptying my closet yesterday of Christmas gifts that I have already purchased. One thing I have figured out; I need to QUIT buying for the great granddaughters. The grandchildren are teenagers and above now and I see them so seldom I do not know what to give them. I do know I want to see them. Those with jobs now or live far enough away - well, I don't get to see them. I had hoped the relationship we developed when they were growing up would keep us close as they grew up. My heart aches to be around them again.
I more and more know how my mother felt; and yet, couldn't explain how it felt. When a mother feels so much love for her family and yet is not a part of their lives, it leaves a lot of emptiness and loneliness for what was. I imagine it is that same way for fatherss. Longing for a closer relationship and yet, needing to let go and let the 'bird' fly on its own wings. But always staying close by in case.... just in case.
In spite of circumstances; my prayer is that each of my children, my grandchildren, and my great-grandchildren, will always know I pray for them, and that I so dearly love them. Things are not always what they seem in families.
May the Lord bless you and keep you, make His face shine upon you, may He be gracious to you.... may He turn His face towards you, and may He give you peace.
Wednesday. Today. Sit back and think about where you are with Jesus. Do you know Him? The Savior of the world? The One who loves you more than His own life? Spend some time talking with Him... He's near, waiting for you.
Blessings.
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