Sleeping in... which I really could....

I had difficulty getting to sleep last night and then didn't want to wake up this morning.  I did get up about 4:10AM, but struggled to stay awake.  This was one of those mornings that I let myself fall back to sleep a few times.  I did get a chapter read in my Bible, but it was difficult to keep my eyes open.  I'm finally starting to wake up and it's a good thing - it's almost 6:30AM!  I'm usually starting to finish up everything and get ready to start the day.  But, alas, today is not going to be one of those days, I think.  And although I generally start work at 7AM, it isn't critical I start at that time.  After all, I generally work through my lunch hour so I don't have to monitor my time.  Today will be an interesting day though. I do have things to do, but one boss is out and another I support is gone for 3 weeks, and the other I support is on his last day before he is gone for a week.  Monday - Wednesday next week will be very slow days.  I do have things to do though.  

My mind is blank this morning and I have written a few nonsense things and then erased them.  Could it be that my mind is still asleep?  I am feeling really tired this morning.  I think a lot of my tiredness is just the depression inside of me that is wanting to get away by myself with God and knowing that I can't do that.  Maybe I will talk with hubby about getting away and going to Tucson.... and I'll pay the hotel bill.  I'd take Monday off and go this weekend but I have timecards on Monday so there is that.  And Tuesday I have to go to Mesa so there is that.  Perhaps the weekend he wants to go up to Prescott I can convince him to go to Tucson and I'll take a day or two off work... ok - I'm rambling again.  I'm just wanting to see my granddaughter and great granddaughter.  I know they are also busy and have their own lives and need to work around their schedule.  Maybe some day soon..... and if not, I do have Christmas!  Maybe take a day off to go to Tucson for Christmas shopping?   That's a good excuse, isn't it?

Psalm 39:7 (NKJV):  "And now, Lord, what do I wait for?  My hope is in You."

Waiting isn't always a fun thing to do.  More often than not, we are waiting for something, do you agree?  We wait for meals.  We wait for time to start work.  We wait to go somewhere. We wait.... but what do we do while we wait?

Some may read a book.  Some may walk about the room.  Some fidget.  I think that's why 'fidgets' were created - it's not only for people who get anxious and need something to calm them down, it is for those who don't know what to do with themselves when they have time on their hands.  Where do your thoughts turn when you are waiting?  Do you find yourself getting angry at having to wait?  Do you get frustrated?

How do YOU read this scripture?  I like to think that in my waiting, I know my Hope is in Jesus.  If He chooses me to leave this earth right now, my Hope is in Him, that I will go to be with Him.  Do you have that Hope?

I often look at waiting as I could be doing something more productive.  Actually, when I know I am going to be waiting, I'll take some crochet with me, or a book, so that I can at least keep busy.  I think I told you that I took Atomic Habits with me when I went to get my DEXascan last week (or so), and two people told me they had just finished it!  One read the book, the other listened to it on audible.  I've tried to listen to books on audible but unless I am completely alone and it's quiet, I can't listen well.  Do you have that problem?  On a road trip, perhaps that would be good.  But just sitting and listening, naw, I can't do that.  I find I get distracted or my mind wanders and I miss what is being said.  Besides, when I READ a book, if I don't understand exactly what it is saying, or I get distracted, I can go back and reread what I had just read. 

In fact, hubby, to my delight, left the TV off last night and we read.  I went back a chapter in Atomic Habits so that I could remember where I left off.  Although each chapter is a bit different, it isn't a continuous story or novel, I find it helps me to refresh my mind on what I've read.  I'm hoping to finish it this weekend.  It really is a good book and I'm getting a lot out of it.  I'm hoping to incorporate some of that in to my life tow here I can get things done.

In fact, I was talking to my daughter about it last Tuesday.  I have a lot of costume jewelry that I used to wear when I was in the office.  We will not be going back to the office and the only time I really 'dress up' is for church.  So what am I going to do with all this jewelry?  I'll keep all my good stuff, of course, but what about the other?  When we moved, it got all thrown in to a couple bags and they are still in those bags.  I told my daughter I think I'll take one bag a weekend and sort them out on the table, then send a photo to those that might want some, and let them choose what they want.  The rest I can donate somewhere.  Don't want to give to Goodwill; they sell for a profit.  Savers is good, so is the Salvation Army.  I'll have to think it through.  

Well, I think I've rambled on enough this morning with nothing to say.  Maybe I ought to go to an occasional writing in here... write only when I have something important to say... but because I have started to do it daily, it has become a habit.... whether I have anything to say or not.  

Two minutes until 7AM... guess I need to get to the computer.  Hope that your day is a ....

Blessing!

Well, that's interesting....

 As I brought up this blog today I noticed the months down the side and the numbers beside them.  Yes, I've seen them before; I know what they are. Curious, I scanned down the list - looks like I started this blog in 2011 but what I found amusing is that in 2019, I only wrote 19 times the entire year!  Could that be right?  It looked like it was mostly once a month!  I find that amusing since now I write almost daily.  Do I ever have anything interesting to say?  Or is it just my ramblings about life?  Don't answer that!

I had a great breakfast with my boss yesterday and she was surprised at her gift.  She is on PTO as of today until next Thursday - having foot surgery and figured she may be on pain meds and just didn't want to be loopy in a meeting.  I'm glad she is taking time off.  Of course she also works from home, but still, if one is on pain pills, they can make you say weird things some times.

Hubby hit me up again yesterday about heading up to Prescott for a 'retreat weekend'.  I didn't say anything then, so he brought it up again last night, asking if I didn't think it was a good idea.  "You always loved getting away on a retreat."  And, yes, that is true. I just told him I wasn't 'feeling it'.  And that's true as well.  You know I love getting away and doing retreats.  I've been wanting to go on a retreat.  I can't explain why I'm not saying 'yes' right now.  I don't have that answer.  If he insisted - and he paid for it - perhaps I would be more interested.  But I know who usually ends up paying for the room.  And he loves going out to eat, and I'm content in these retreats to fast some meals.  He is alone all day nearly every day.  Even though I'm home, I'm working.  He just wants to get off by ourselves.... I'm totally with him, usually in the same room, and we spend time together.  Does that make sense?  We can easily 'retreat' in our own home!  Only I'd stay in this room, and he can have his 'office'. But since he is there all week, he wants a different view.

Now if he suggested we go to Tucson for a retreat, I'd be all over it cause I would make sure to spend some time with the granddaughter and her family.  In fact, I've been looking at the calendar, trying to figure out when we could go down there.  These last three months are pretty busy with activities so it just may not happen.  Silly thing, they are only a couple hours away, not like being in another state.  

Matthew 6:6 (NLT):  "But when you pray, go away by yourself, shut the door behind you, and pray to your Father in private. Then your Father, who sees everything, will reward you."

I love that scripture and I used the New Living Translation above because I like the part that says 'go away by yourself'.  When I'm with God, and I'm wanting to talk with Him, I really do like being alone.  I can say a lot of prayers in my mind, and I usually do often, but when I can verbally talk, like I can in here in the mornings, I like being alone.  It just makes it more real.

I do like this version of the same scripture though....

Matthew 6:6 (NKJV):  "But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place, and your Father who sees in secret, will reward you openly."

This room is my 'secret place' for the time being.  It's full of distractions, and some day I may be able to fix something up where I can have a secluded spot.  God really doesn't care WHERE we meet with Him, He just wants us to feel free to sit and chat with Him a spell.  He just wants us to give Him some attention; tell Him about our day, about our plans.  He also wants to hear about the things we want, the things we do, and He really likes to hear us ask Him to help us.  I look forward to the time when I don't have to keep an eye on the clock while I'm in here.  And yes, when we are on a 'retreat', I don't have to watch the clock... I just know hubby likes to eat breakfast so it isn't just getting up and spending the morning in 'quiet time', it is getting started then going some place to eat, then going back to wherever we are and finishing up.

Maybe I'm the one who is wrong.  Maybe my desire to be alone with God centers more on being ALONE with God.  I miss the days I could do a retreat up in Black Canyon City at the hermitage.  Yes, we could go up together, but it was one person to a hermitage.  So why can't we each have a hotel room?  I'd be willing to pay for that!  Hubby just can't stand being alone.  He has voiced many times that he is afraid that when he dies he will be totally alone.  So he clings.  And that drives me crazy.

I feel I'm never alone cause Jesus is always with me.  I always have someone to talk to.  And I'm not criticizing hubby for feeling the way he does.  He has always had this fear.  That's where we are different.  I love being with people, but I'm content to be alone.

You wouldn't believe what was in my mind in the middle of the night last night!  I began to wake in the middle of the night and my thoughts turned to Sheeba.  I miss her so much.   I miss Marley too.  

and, with that, I'm hushing this morning.  Hope that you have an amazing day!  Shut yourself up in your room and spend some time with Jesus today.  He is there, waiting for you.

Blessings!

Breakfast today!

 I nearly forgot.  Well, I did remember last night, but when I woke this morning I was still pretty sleepy and tired and not wanting to get up.  Then I remember it is 'pill day' so I needed to. And, then I remembered I am having breakfast with my boss this morning.  I love these mornings when we can meet up.  We try to keep them about 6 weeks apart, and today is a special one.  Why?  Because her birthday is Saturday and I have a bag filled with things to give her.  I'm using one of the tote bags that my granddaughter makes and sales as the wrapping.  My boss loves the fall and pumpkins, so this tote bag is covered in pumpkins, and when this season is over, she can reverse it!  Anyway, I got the bag put together with tissue paper yesterday and out on the kitchen table with the hopes that I don't forget it.  Can you believe I found pumpkin JAM at Ross last week?  Yes, I bought her a jar, and also us a jar.  Now I don't eat much jam, but hubby does, and it has surprised me he hasn't tried it yet.  

I have another drive scheduled next Tuesday to Mesa.  But this time it is for fun... sorta.  We have a big to-do this time every year called 'Better together' in which departments donate baskets filled with all kinds of goodies and everyone buys tickets for what basket they want to win.  All the money goes to helping employees who need extra help financially ... not sure what the qualifications are, but lately it is like when covid hits and they don't have sick time so won't get paid... I don't know, somehow the company gives them some money to help.  It's an employee fund, anyway.  So I limit myself on how much I am willing to 'donate', and I take my tickets and apply towards different baskets.  This year wasn't too hard - we had 86 baskets and there were not that many that I would be interested in.  Sports doesn't do much for me, other things didn't hold much interest.  I did put my tickets in several baskets - and surprisingly, one that was a last minute choice - and it only takes one ticket to win - and that one ticket won me a basket.  Last year I didn't win anything.  Anyway, I could drive downtown Phoenix to pick up my basket winning next Tuesday - or I could take the long drive to Mesa to pick it up.  Yep - I chose Mesa.  Highway driving all the way.  I just have no desire to drive downtown after all these years and find a place to park and go in to that building.  Both of my bosses will be on PTO next week so I don't have to rush back to get to work.  In fact, most of next week is going to long and boring as three people I support are out Monday - Wednesday.  My favorite boss comes back on Thursday as she is off starting tomorrow.  My basket has a cash value of $200 so it's not one of the bigger baskets (some up to $600!) that I really wanted to get.  But, I'm thinking Christmas, if I can hold off that long.  Want to look at the items in it and see if I want to divide it up or give the entire thing.

My little sister asked me the other day what was I going to make for my family for Christmas this year.  I couldn't think of a thing.  I've made them all quilts.  I crochet'd them afghans last year.  I am drawing blanks this year so I may finally do the small Christmas that I keep saying I'm going to have.  I do love to find special things and surprise them.  I just don't know what it can be this year.  I prefer giving them things they can USE versus something that will be thrown in a closet because there is no use for it.  Maybe I need to start doing some research into unique gifts and see what I can come up with.  Maybe next week.

I got a fun surprise yesterday.  Remember my mentioning I was trying to get our pastors to have dinner with us?  And a friend told me not to expect it; most pastors don't want to 'get to know you'... well, I heard from our pastor's wife last night and we came up with a date and time and location as to have lunch together.  I had suggested that if an evening was difficult, then we are happy to do lunch on a Saturday.  We don't meet until October 22nd, but that's ok.  We're meeting for lunch and it's at a favorite deli of mine. 

Proverbs 18:24 (NKJV):  "A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a Friend who sticks closer than a brother."

As I sat here thinking about meeting my boss this morning, who is also one of my dearest friends whom I trust with my life, the above verse came to mind.

Who is YOUR friend?  I know hubby met up with one of his friends yesterday for lunch.  It wasn't a planned thing, but they happened to see each other yesterday morning and decided to catch up over lunch.  I think that is a great idea and we all need to do that more often.  But who is in your life that you can do that with?

Many times our lack of money keeps us from going out to eat.  I get that.  I have done without more meals than I can count over the years because of lack of money to meet up with someone.  I'm grateful for God's blessings that now it isn't a problem.   If I run into a friend, or even if I plan it, I can meet up with them for a coffee or a lunch and not worry about it.  And it is so worth it because we get to share our lives with each other.  In fact, I have a friend who has a birthday soon and I will be getting with her within a week or two to schedule lunch just to catch up.

I don't always need to pay for their lunch and many times we fight over the bills and end up splitting it.  And that's ok.  Sometimes we just let the other person buy and let them be blessed.  It's the being together with someone you love and trust and who pays isn't important.  Like my breakfasts with my boss.  Usually we both pay for our own.  Last month she paid for mine because it was my birthday month.  October is her birthday month, but we won't be meeting again until November, so I'm buying hers today.  That's just how it works.  We'll spend an hour or better over breakfast then both of us head back home to get to work.  Love these breaks to be together.

I need to quit early this morning so that I can get dressed and make-up on before I leave the house.  I do honor my friend that much - she really doesn't want to see me without a cleaned up face and decent clothes on!  So with that, I'll hush today.

Sit back and think of a friend whom you would like to catch up with.  Pick up your phone and contact them and see if they can meet for breakfast or lunch some time in the future.  It will give you something to look forward to.

Blessings!

Headache, I don't care, and it's my turn....

 I did not want to get up this morning.  My sinus hurt.  I didn't sleep well.  Whine.  What in the world was on my mind last night?  Well, I will get to that in a minute.  But, when I did finally arise this morning, I think it was like 4:10 AM or so.... I intentionally came and sat in my chair, pulled out my lap table, put my Bible on it and struggled to read one chapter.  Hubby brought in my coffee.  I finished the chapter, and I decided I wasn't going to 'fight' it this morning.  I was still awake at 11:11 PM last night and I was / am exhausted this morning.  So I closed my eyes and laid back in my chair, ad I don't know that I slept at all, but I sure did attempt it.  If nothing else, I laid here and had my eyes closed.  But, I still feel pretty tired, my sinus still hurt, and although I imagine I DID sleep some, I feel groggy like I didn't.  No, I'm not getting a lot of my reading done this morning.  I'm not going to beat myself up over it either.  Yes, I have my 'routine' of what I do in the mornings.  And I don't care this morning that I am not getting it all done.  It will still be here tomorrow.

So what in the world kept me awake?  Well, first off, we got home a little later than usual from our Bible study and I like to unwind some before going on to bed.  Grabbed a tart cherry juice (I have a feeling I need to drink those earlier in the day) and sat down for a few minutes with hubby to discuss the study before heading off to bed.  Hubby gave his 'testimony' last night of how he became a Christian.  They want each one of us to do that.  Guess who has the turn next week?  Yep.  Me.  And guess who laid awake nearly all night going over their life and trying to decide what to share and what doesn't need to be shared?  Yep.  Me again.  I could not get it out of my mind.  

Yes, I share a lot of things on here.  But there is also a lot that I haven't shared about my life.  There is some I'm ashamed of.  I know that God has forgiven me.  I know His grace is poured out all over me.  I have no doubt about that.  Is it a part I need to share?  Sorta.  Not in detail, of course, but I need to share some of what God delivered me FROM, so that I can share where He has taken me TO.  Does that make sense?  I know this will be a shock.... but I haven't always put God first.  I haven't always strived to do what was right.  I haven't always been in love with Jesus.

There was a two year period my life was all about ME.  I was 'free' for the first time in my life.  My own boss.  My money was mine.  I could go wherever I wanted to, whenever I wanted to.  And I enjoyed being told I was pretty.   It is a period of my life that I wish I could erase.  When I confessed it, and asked forgiveness, God erased it and He doesn't remember it anymore.  I know it is Satan who brings things back to my mind at times to make me feel ashamed, and I often need remind him that God has forgiven me, and that He remembers it no more - as far as the east is from the west - and that is all that matters.

Psalm 103:12 (NKJV):  "As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us."

How could I not love Jesus when He covered me with His blood, and washed away all my sins and cleansed me?  He washed me white as snow.  There is nothing like the blood of Jesus to wash you clean.  He is the only One who can.

I knew that growing up that Jesus can - and will - forgive.  I went to the altar frequently (due to other things going on in my life) until my mother told me to stop, that it didn't look good.  Perhaps she was afraid I'd share things that were happening, I don't know.  But I knew that at the altar I felt safe and secure.  I was baptized at age 14.  I knew ABOUT Jesus....... but I didn't KNOW Jesus.  I'm sure our church pastor shared... but it never soaked in.  I never had that personal relationship with Jesus like I have now.  I knew right from wrong, of course.  Most of us do.  But because I didn't have that personal relationship and know how much Jesus truly did love me,  He was just a story in a book.

I grew up knowing ABOUT Jesus.... I just didn't grow up KNOWING Jesus.  And that is what happens in many households.

So anyway... that is what was on my mind last night and when I awoke this morning.  

Finding Jesus.... and He was never far away..... was the best thing that could have ever 'happened' to me.  He changed my life and GAVE me life.  He showed me I had purpose.  

What about you?  Have you gotten to the personal relationship with Jesus yet?  Or are you still in the 'head knowledge' of Him, and yet, not having the heart knowledge?  Knowing Jesus in your heart makes all the difference in the world.  He gives us the peace that covers everything.  And all one has to do is ask Him to 'take the wheel' of our lives and show us how to live.

Jesus loves you more than you can ever imagine.  He longs to gather you in to His arms of love and walk this journey of life with you.  Would you ask Him to walk with you?  Yeah, you may not want to give up some things right now, and you may not think you are 'ready'.... but you are.  How do I know?  Because Jesus took a woman who was covered in shame and self-disgust and gathered her into His arms and said "I forgive you".  I had to lean into Him to guide me in to what I was to do.  I'm still not perfect. I still fall, I still make mistakes.  But I have learned that He never holds that against me.  He still loves me.

And that makes all the difference in the world.  Stop what you are doing, and reflect back on your life.  Jesus can make all the difference in your life, and in your family's life; choose Jesus.  Will you let Him?

Blessings!

Our Bible Study...week 3

 I pretty much finished up week 3 in our book for our class, as we were asked to do.  I have been ok with pretty much all we've gone through, although we have only attended one class.  Most of it doesn't even apply to us; we completed Discipleship many, many years ago, and have had a quiet time each morning ever since.  I realize I may be repeating my thoughts, but bear with me.  We thought that perhaps it would be good t have a refresher, and thus far it has been.  Each day it wanted us to write out a prayer, and I did so.  (not sure where hubby is on it)  But the end of week 3 was hitting a bit close to home as I realized the discussion questions.  Not that it's any secret, our quiet time.  But I have realized even more so that this book is for those who have not had a quiet time before, or who may not have a daily quiet time.  And I also realize that it is asking questions I don't want to share my answers.  They are personal for me.  And, believe it or not, even with all that I share in here, I do keep some things personal.  I'm really a very private person about some things, and my time with God is one of them.  It's between Him and me.  I may share what I'm reading, where I'm reading in my Bible, what I'm doing... but ... I don't have the book in here with me to share what made me stop in my tracks... I just felt it was a too deep of a dive for me to write down and be expected to share.  So I didn't do it.  Well, I wrote some things down, but... I may very well just say I don't want to share.  And that is ok.  

Our pastor wrote a book that he allowed us to buy one copy of yesterday.  It isn't that long and I sat down and read it yesterday afternoon.  It was confusing/puzzling at times, the things he wrote, but he wrote about his life -from growing up, to meeting his wife, to how our church came to be.  I got a lot of my questions about him, his beliefs, how the church came to be, answered from reading it.  I think I've mentioned that our pastor is a huge man.  He mentioned in the book that at one time he was at 384 pounds.  He embarked on 3-4 training/workout plans over the past few years, and he would drop to 360, but could never get below it, get discouraged and quit.  His wife and he finally discussed all the money he had spent and wasn't staying focused, for every time he quit, his weight would go back up.  But this last time, he joined a gym, got a personal trainer (again) and has kept his focus pretty much.  He didn't say how much he weighed now, he is still pretty large, but his book is titled 'Goodbye 360'.  So with that, I am guessing he has finally dropped below 360.  You gotta want it pretty bad to keep going.

So I ask myself.... how bad do I want to get rid of this fat belly?  There are lots of 'diet pills' out there... saw that someone is thinking about getting one... that's actually one I haven't tried before.  Currently I have a thermogenic one I sometimes take... and it does curb my appetite.  BUT, it isn't always how much I eat... it's WHAT I eat.  I'm thinking that I need to relook at Keto - which is like a diabetic diet.  Eat meat and vegetables; cut out the breads and cookies (carbs and sugar).  You gotta watch the gravies though .. and there are cookies you can make that are actually pretty good.  I think it encourages one to eat more fat - which we've always been told to stay away from.  It's a fairly easy diet and we started it once... and was doing well with it... but quit.  My step-brother and wife do it frequently and both lose weight on it each time they go on it for a few weeks.  Dr. Don Colbert has a good book out on what it is and what to eat.  He's a Christian doctor and I trust him.  I do have his book; may relook at it sometime.  You can actually have bacon and eggs for breakfast!  and you don't HAVE to exercise!  Ok - enough about food and exercise!

The weekends sure do fly by fast, don't they!  Church was good yesterday - I think the title was 'You gotta love the haters' or something like that.  Good message.  Basically, those that hate you, or you hate, treat kindly.  Hubby and I talked briefly about that while we had lunch.  I don't hate anyone... but can think of some who treat me hatefully.  I tend to back away from those kind of people and allow them to work through their issues.   Sometimes you just gotta.  Their issues are theirs, not mine.  

Hebrews 10:30-31 (NKJV):  "For we know Him who said, "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay," says the Lord. And again, "The LORD will judge His people."  It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God."

How many times have you gotten angry with someone and just wanted to knock them into the next world?  Yeah, me too.  I have learned over the years that I don't have to stay angry with them; I don't have to wish evil on them.  All I have to do is wait upon God to deal with them in His time, in His way.  God loves us, and He will not let evil go unpunished upon His people.  The Lord also judges us when we disrespect others, so keep that in mind.  He may love us, and will punish those who treat us hatefully, but if we also treat people hatefully, He will punish us as well.  

Guard your words and actions.  I don't know about you, but I don't want God coming after me!

Blessings!

It was a fairly good day....

 Hubby and I did get out some yesterday and did some walking and looking at things.  But, before we left, we did have a bit of conflict.  I can't even remember what he said to me now, but I do remember how I responded - "I'm doing this for YOU, not for me, to get YOU out of the house."  And that made him feel privileged, I guess.  We went to the farmer's market and walked around.  Saw the granddaughter and her hubby who was helping her, and happened to run into the the daughter, SIL and great-granddaughter who had come as well.  We went on our way from there to Ross, where we picked up a few things and hubby got his journals.  After that we decided to check out a coffee shop that we heard about Monday evening at Bible Study.

It's called Strange Brew and it's at 43rd Ave & Bell... west of Frys (in that strip)... where the building curves.  Wow. It was not like anything I expected!  Tish is the owner/manager and this place is really nice. They make several different kinds of coffee, and have a few pastries.  But what is cool is the set up.  The have comfortable arm chairs and love seats scattered in circles - probably 3-4 of them - big circles too!.  A couple tables where people can work if they want.  Some Christian items that can be bought, and Christian music being played.  It's a place where people can meet and comfortably chat.  Even with the number of people there, we had to look for a seat, it was quiet.  In one location two young men were doing a Bible study.  There were a few couples sitting and having their coffee together and chatting.  There were two women spaced throughout the room, chatting and had books laying on their laps.  It was such a good atmosphere, I wish we had something like that closer!  It is open 8AM-5PM Tuesday through Saturday.  

From there hubby was wanting lunch.. my choice, he said, but no fast food.  As I drove along Bell, Oreganos came to mind and he said ok.  He got the shrimp scampi and the shrimp was nearly as big as half of my palm!  He said it was good.  I got their salad and could only eat about 1/2 of it so guess what I had for dinner!  The other half!  Hubby did thank me for getting him out of the house for a few hours.  What surprised me more than anything was that he didn't complain about anything.  He ALWAYS has something to complain about; the heat, the walking, etc. and this time he remained silent.  Grateful.  We still didn't find him anything to do; he was more interested in getting back to watch the ND game.  So I dropped him off and went back out, meaning to pick up wrapping paper but totally forgetting it and just strolling through the store, picking up a few other things.  And that was yesterday.

This morning hubby woke me by sliding his feet across the floor to the bathroom (he doesn't pick up his feet much anymore, it seems) about 4:15AM.  I laid there for a little while, wanting to go back to sleep, but unable to do so.  I came into my room, wanting to sleep just a little bit more, but soon gave up.  I just love my time in the morning with God.  I love being able to shut the world out, just for a little while, and just come and sit with Him.  There is something special about doing that.  Starting in I Kings today I read about some history of it, and about King David making Solomon king of Israel.  David always inspires me; he loved God and sought Him with all his heart.  Yes, he made mistakes, but always repented (pretty much like me and you), and was deeply loved by God.

Matthew 6:6 (NKJV):  "But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place, and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly."

That has been one of my favorite verses since I heard it many years ago.  I love getting in here and shutting the world out by closing my door.  There have been times when, at at least one of our other houses, that I couldn't go into a room and shut the door.  I remember sitting at the couch and doing my quiet time, and kneeling beside it to say my prayers.

In fact, I am reminded as I think of that, of one time God spoke to me and told me to send my sister $20.  I remember having a little bit more in my wallet at that time, but I was not usually sending my sister any money, but God definitely told me to send her $20.  Without questioning, and without telling her, I put $20 in the envelope and mailed it to her....all because God had told me to. I later found out that she had been praying for help in a financial situation; she needed to fill several prescriptions and had no money to do so.  The money I sent was just enough to cover the prescriptions.  Now I don't share that to brag I did something.  I share that to brag on God.  And to show you that is how He is.  He hears our prayers for help.  Sometimes He doesn't answer the way we think He should, or even answer us at all!  But, in this case, God spoke to me, and impressed it upon me, and I acted.  I didn't know about the need.  I only knew I needed to be obedient.  And God has blessed me many times over because of my obedience.  And my sister was able to tell her boys how God provided just what she needed because she prayed and asked Him.  God gets all the glory.  We all need to be mindful of the nudges that God sends us to help someone in need.

But, back to the quiet times and the secret places I love, I think the one I loved the most was at our first house.  We had windows that came nearly to the floor; long, narrow windows.  That bedroom wasn't used, so I was able to go in that room and I would kneel at that window, looking out at the stars and praying.  I always felt so close to God because I could look up into the heavens.  Windows we had after that were too high to kneel before.  I loved that time and that space holds special memories for me.  

God loves for us to 'step away' from the world for awhile and just spend time with Him.  Even if you just sit before Him and turn your thoughts to Him, it is a start.  Give yourself a minute to start, if you must, but never neglect Him.  Start and/or end your day with Jesus.  It changes everything.

Start today.  You won't regret it.  Go into your room, and shut the door, and pray to your Father in the secret place.  he will meet you there.

Blessings!

Hoping it won't be one of 'those days'...

 For me, weekends are a time of relaxation after a week of work.  A time when I can do nothing, if I so choose.  Or I can do road trips.  Or I can go to something and be with friends.  Or I can.... whatever I want.  And sometimes, I don't want.  Sigh.  Hubby has been pushing for a drive up to Prescott today.  For what?  "Just to get out of town."  Well, I'd be all over it if he had said Tucson.... but he didn't.  Now, I love Prescott, and we have spent many, many weekends up there over the years.... but I just am not in the mood to go up to Prescott today.  He asked me again last night if we were going to go and I was honest with him.  I told him no, I did not want to go.  "WHY?"  his voice argued with me.  And I responded that it is because there is no reason for us to go up there.  We would do the same things we have done the past couple years when we have even gone up to stay for a weekend..... we go to Hobby Lobby, we walk the mall (maybe), we eat a meal in one of the restaurants.  And then we come home.  I just wasn't in to it this weekend.  Yes, we have friends up there, but I'm not wanting to look them up this weekend.  Besides, he'd insist on driving.

I did tell hubby what I'd like to do today.  Find him a hobby.  Find him something to do.  Help him find an interest in which he can focus on instead of just sitting in his chair.  I got the look of "there is nothing I want to do."  UGH.  One can only do so much reading unless you are really loving reading.  And he does read on occasion.  But .... he needs something to stimulate his mind.  Ok, that is my opinion.  If I'm not working, it's watch TV or read (or, in my case, read, crochet, sew, or work on puzzles or cook).  Most days I don't want to go anywhere.  But I can spend most of the day in the kitchen baking, and I have puzzles to work on (and am thinking about getting one started this weekend), but puzzles don't interest him.  How can one quit living life and trying new things and end their life span doing boring, nothing things?  I pray that I never get in that predicament!  Remind me of this if I do!  

A granddaughter is at the farmer's market again today.  I am thinking that to get hubby out of the house, we can take a trip over there and walk around.  Ross is there too and hubby has mentioned that he needs to get another journal and I'm sure he hasn't gotten it yet.  And if I say we can stop for lunch while we are out - offer him food and he'll go anywhere - he will be eager to go.  He will have me to himself for awhile - sorta - and we will be doing something together, albeit I am trying to find something for him to do.  Maybe do a road trip up to Anthem to see what stores are left... it is getting more and more empty, or was the last time we did a walk through.  And why do I need to be the one to find him something to do?  I don't have an answer to report.  Some things we have to do even though we don't know why we have to do it.

Colossians 3:23 (NKJV):  "and whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men."

That verse had come to mind this morning.  No matter what I do today, no matter what I can drag hubby into, I need to do for the glory of God.  Who knows, I may receive a blessing while trying to find him something to do - and that always makes it work it!

This book I'm reading, Atomic Habits is pretty good.  I'm about half way through it as I can't read when the TV is on.  Once I'm through it, I want to skim through again so that I can remember what I've already read.  It does inspire me to look at specific things.  It's not a religious book, but I am pretty sure it isn't a book my reader son would read either.  I love the stories in it because it helps me look at things I can change in my life to make it better.  What little things I can do for myself, to help myself.  Does that make sense?  I am sure I've mentioned this before.... he says in the first part of the book about doing that 1% and then do 2% the next day and so on.  Now he doesn't give specifics... maybe read a book you don't normally read for 15 minutes.  Or just read a chapter.  Then the next day read two chapters.  Or straighten up one corner of your room.  The next day maybe attack another corner.  (I actually did that this week!)  Thus far, one of the things I'm getting from the book is not look at the BIG goal and be weary of starting it (i.e. going back to school to get a degree takes one class at a time), but to do one step at a time.  The goal of it all is to work at it until you make it a habit.  It has been said it takes 21 days to make a habit.  If you do the same thing for 21 days, you will find you will do it because it is something ingrained in you.

Sorta like getting up at 4AM each morning M-F to do my quiet time.  I've gotten up at 5AM when I worked close to home, but once my office moved further away, I started getting up at 4AM.  It has become a sort of 'habit' for me as even without the alarm (which I haven't set in nearly 3 years), I still wake up around 4AM to get up to do my quiet time with God.  Of course I've been doing this for about 38 years now.  It was hard at first, I admit.  But now, I wake up automatically.  Sure, I could sleep later now M-F because I work from home - but I chose to continue getting up at 4AM to do my quiet time because I looked at it as my time with God.  If I finished early - great.  If not, I still had time with Him.  And, if you think about it, I used to not be able to write in here every day as I had to do an hour of quiet time, then get dressed, and then head out the door to work.  Now I can turn the computer on while still in my jammies (and usually do).  And I have time to let my wandering mind fill in these spaces.  Before it was here and there cause I'd try to work it in on a break time- which I didn't usually take.   So, see, some habits are good to have and to keep.  I like rambling in here, and you must like skimming it as you continue to do so.  And if not, it helps me sort things out in my mind sometimes.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NKJV):  "To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven."

Perhaps this is my season for this blog.  Who knows what God has planned for today, for tomorrow?  We know not what He has for us... we are to be prepared for whatever happens.

Are you?

Blessings!

That was really quick!

 I went for my DEXA scan yesterday morning.  Once there, I was questioned why I was having another one done because I just had one last year and they are usually two years apart.  They had no notes as to why I was having another one a year later.  I advised that I had read in my previous PCP's notes that he just wanted to see if the Fosamax was doing any good for me.  Was it helping my bones.  So I had it done about 10AM.  Didn't take long; zip zip a couple times and I was off the table and out the door.  It was just a few hours later that I got a notice I had a message in 'My Portal'.  I had earlier written another note to my new PCP about my prescriptions so I was hoping they were ordered.  My new PCP had written me a note that she had approved the DEXA scan, and had ordered my prescriptions.  I sent a note of apology for my nagging (I had sent 3 emails) cause I was concerned I'd run out of pills.  The DEXA scan I wasn't worried about.  She immediately wrote back that it was ok; she would rather I stay on top of it until she got it done than run out.  Oh - that was the one email.  Then, while we were chatting - she sent another - she got the results of my DEXA scan - within HOURS of my having it done!  Hips are 'stable' (whatever that means) and my spine has improved.  I didn't know anything was wrong with my spine, but glad it has improved!  I'm to keep taking the Fosamax weekly as scheduled.  We both ended with 'See you next year!'  I have no reason to see a doctor unless I'm sick in between my yearly physicals.  YAY for me!!

This morning I have a dentist appointment for my quarterly cleaning.  UGH I hate these.  But I do love my dentist and his hygienist.  After that, I think I am done with all doctors and dentists until my next quarterly cleaning.  I'm grateful that I'm healthy and I have been trying to better take care of myself.  Still don't eat quite as good as I should, but have tried to cut down how much of the bad stuff I DO eat.  

I didn't have to cook last night, although I did heat up a small bowl of chili for myself.  We had chili for lunch too.  Fixed both hubby and I a bowl of it, and a glass of milk.  It was soon after that he said his stomach was queasy and wondered if it was because he drank milk with the chili.  I dunno.  True, we don't always drink milk with a meal, but to me it sounded good.  My tummy was fine.  I'm not sure what he ate for dinner.... I think some pretzels.  After he turned the TV off, I was able to do some reading and I was focused on that.  

Confidentially..... I know that hubby is concerned about a friend of his who has 'developed' Alzheimer's.  This guy is one that is in his Tuesday night group.  It just seems like it is consuming his friend.  He's talked about his fear of it for several months as he had several close relatives, including brothers and parents, who had it.  His diagnosis has been positive for it and he has relinquished living, basically.  He has turned all his finances over to his wife to manage as he is afraid he will forget something.  All of this has concerned hubby.  For one, it is a long time friend and he is deteriorating in front of his eyes.  But I also wonder if there is not a nagging fear within himself of what changes he is going through.  His constant sitting and doing nothing; staring into space, dozing, or reading his phone (which he does constantly - I'm talking HOURS) concerns me.

Hubby goes next week I think to get the results of his last test.  It was another MRI.  I have been given instructions I am NOT to share anything with anyone.  And I haven't. Please keep this confidential.  I don't think he is right in keeping it to himself; people could be praying for him.  But he was that way as well when he first had this 'problem'.  So I'm going to share it.  But I'm told not to. All I've been able to do is pray about it and I must admit that since it is something that isn't seen, I don't always think about this one thing.  His PSA had moved up just a couple notches... perhaps I have shared this on here a few months ago... anyway... he has been going for tests... and I think this last test, the MRI, is to show if his body has been affected in any way.  Yes, I'm referring to the prostrate cancer.  He had radiation for it before and it took care of it and his PSA stayed like at .2.  This time it had gone to .4 I think it was, and he has been paranoid ever since.  The MRI was to check to see if it is truly back, and if it has spread to his bones or other parts of his body.  I know that is on his mind constantly and he worries about it - as if that will make any difference.  I suppose I would worry too if it was me, but I have learned over the years that I can do only certain things; have it checked out, do what the doctor says.  The rest is in God's hands, and I try to share that with hubby, to have confidence in God's ability to heal - and if He chooses not to, then dive deep into Him and let His peace come over you and help you in whatever is ahead.  I don't know what else to do.  

I know hubby feels alone much of the time.  His Tuesday morning Bible study started up this past week and I'm hoping that will help him as he will in a group with 10 other men.  He needs to make friends outside the few he has.  When he is with others, he seems to come alive more, but when he is alone, he withdraws into himself, into depression.  He will come stand at my door just to see another person.  If I should die first, he will be one of those men who die right after, for he won't know what to do.  

Romans 5:3-4 (NKJV):  And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulations produce perseverance; and perseverance, character, and character, hope."

And that's what I'm talking about.  If we go through things, we are to go through them and let them help us grow.  We learn from them about our character, and we gain much hope.  There is so much more to know and learn.... and be.... than to just give up and let whatever take over our lives.

Reminds me of one of my favorite songs.... On Christ Alone

"My hope is built on nothing less, than Jesus' blood and righteousness.  I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but wholly lean on Jesus' name.

On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand, all other ground is sinking sand.

When darkness veils His lovely face, I rest on His unchanging grace. In every high and stormy gale, my anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, His covenant, His blood, supports me in the 'whelming flood.  When all around my soul gives way, He then is all my hope and stay.

On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand, all other ground is sinking sand.

When He shall come with trumpet sound, oh may I then in Him be found. Dressed in His righteousness alone, faultless to stand before the throne.

On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand, all other ground is sinking sand."

So what do you do when the storms come against you? Haven't had any lately? Just wait, for they will come.  The enemy doesn't want you to trust in God...and he will do everything he can to bring you down.

Stand firm, keep believing in the One who believes in you.

Blessings!

It only took about 4 hours...

 longer, if you count the drive to and from Mesa... but I was able to get things cleaned out - at least the areas that I intended to work on - and boxed up.  A co-worker from that department I was working in came for a short while and she took a lot of the giveaways that were left.  Someone had already come in and had taken numerous bins of giveaways ... we have no idea who took them.  I cleaned out file drawers and filled up two big bins with papers.  And I brought home 4-5 bags of 'stuff' that would have been thrown away, but was still useable.  Mainly supplies that still were useable.  I'll go through them some time when hubby isn't home.  In the meantime, they are stacked in the garage.  I do need to get rid of some of the boxes that are stacked out there.  It's getting really cluttered and hubby lets me know periodically how bad it looks.  Like anyone but us sees it - the garage doors are usually down.  But it is looking cluttered even for me!

I did get some good news yesterday.  My DEXascan did get approved by my new PCP and I am scheduled to have it done this morning.  I called to confirm yesterday that the approval had been given as I didn't want to take off work and get there, then find it wasn't approved.  Still don't see where my prescriptions have been ordered so I did send another email to the PCP yesterday requesting they get ordered.  Then I won't need to see her until this time next year, unless I get sick enough to go to the doctor.

It was really odd yesterday when I came home from Mesa.  It was about 12:45PM and hubby had told me that morning he had a massage scheduled at noon so I did not expect him home until 1:15PM or so.  I was surprised when I opened the garage door and his car was there.  When I came in to the house every room was dark.  I found hubby sitting in his recliner in the front room.  I asked what happened to his massage and he said it got cancelled as the therapist had a sick child.  I just looked at him.... had he sat there for hours because he had nothing to do?  In the dark?  It just felt odd, like a spirit of depression was in the room.  Sure, he can be disappointed he couldn't get his massage; and he commented it was the second time she had cancelled so he scheduled his next one with a different therapist.  He didn't like that his plans were changed.  He seems to be doing things like this more and more.  Just going and sitting in his chair and dozing or just sitting there.  There is nothing I can do to help him; I try to encourage him to do things, but he chooses not to. He seems to be doing this more often than not.  I can come home from the store, and he will be sitting in his chair. I struggle to understand him as I can't stand to just sit all the time and do nothing.  Any suggestions?

Do you remember the story of the woman with the issue of blood in the Bible?  I read it again in one of the devotionals I have this morning.  And it wasn't so much about her faith that caused her to reach out and touch Jesus' robe hem, but it was her boldness to do so.

Mark 5:25-29 "A woman in the crowd had suffered for twelve years with constant bleeding.  She had suffered a great deal from many doctors, and over the years she had spent everything she had to pay them., but she had gotten no better.  In fact, she had gotten worse. She had heard about Jesus, so she came up behind him through the crowd and touched his robe. For she thought to herself, "If I can just touch his robe, I will be healed." Immediately the bleeding stopped and she could feel in her body that she had been healed of her terrible condition."

Like many of the famous people today, many people reach out to just touch them.  But this woman's touch was different.  It was full of faith, and it was full of boldness.  She dared reach out and touch Jesus, believing that 'if only I could touch his robe, I will be healed.'  Some times we have the faith to do something, but do we have the boldness to do it?  Sometimes we feel that although we have a need, we have the faith, but we don't feel we have the right to expect something.  Ever felt that?  Perhaps you have prayed for something, really wanting the answer, but you don't really expect God to intervene.  Lack of faith?  Perhaps.  Lack of boldness?  Even more so.  If your child was sick, would you beat on the doors of heaven in boldness, asking for God to touch your child and bring healing?

I know I did that 21 years ago.  I constantly beat on the doors of heaven, asking for my daughter to be healed.  I didn't know if God would heal her or not.  I didn't know if my prayers would be answered.  I know others prayed as well.  We did a lot of fasting and praying.  The point I am wanting to make is that even though we didn't know what the answer would be, we never stopped praying and boldly seeking God for her healing.  And He did answer, and He did heal her.

What do you do when you have a problem?  Do you just 'grin and bear it' or do you send up a bold prayer asking for intervention?  Do you not understand that our God is Jehovah Rapha (or Rophe), and He longs for us to seek His face for whatever our need is?  He longs to bring healing, but we also must remember that His answer is the ultimate answer.  We don't always get what we want.  But we need to remember we always get what we need.  And we may not need what we think we want.  How many times have we thought we 'had to have' something... only to get it and put it on the shelf?  I am so guilty of that!  I have bought things that I wanted... and some I haven't even taken out of the box - or if I have gone that far, it is sitting on top of the cupboard, unused.  I'm trying to get better at NOT doing that!

Sit back and think about your need.  Then take a moment and ask God to take care of that need.  Not just asking and letting it go, but seeking God's hand in supplying that need.  What part do you need to play in getting it answered?  Sometimes God is just waiting on us to act first.  How bad do you want it? Think about that!  Pray bold prayers - with faith!

Blessings!

Changed some things up....

 I got home from 'girls night out' and was in bed by 9PM.  Hubby was watching some police or detective show, I think.  He beat me home last night.  I sat there for a few minutes and decided that 1) I didn't want to watch the show (it wasn't relaxing to me to watch and hear all the fighting and shooting, etc.) and 2) I may as well go to bed and get the rest I needed.  It didn't take long for me to fall into a deep sleep, but then I was awakened between midnight and 2AM.... refused to open my eyes... finally did and saw it was nearly 2AM..  and then my mind wouldn't shut off.  I tossed and turned and prayed, and even begged God to let me go back to sleep cause I knew today was going to be a busy day... but finally dragged myself up out of bed just before 4AM.  Came in here to my room, and being pill day, I couldn't lay back in my recliner (we have to stay upright) for 30 minutes so decided instead of trying to read my Bible, I'd write in my prayer journal.  Then I read in one of the devotionals I'm using.  By now I can put the recliner up and support my feet/legs.  And, since I have my coffee as well, I'm slowly starting to come to life.  But, have much to do today, so no napping until perhaps later.

What was on my mind that I couldn't get back to sleep?  Other than praying for my boys?  My new doctor has not called in my prescriptions yet for refills - and I sent her the message on Friday and it was read.  This is Wednesday.  I'm possibly going to wait until tomorrow or Friday and call the office and ask if she will please get my prescriptions ordered.  I have about 2 weeks left of most of the pills I take, but the weekly pill, after today, I only have one.  And because I have my prescriptions mailed to me, I have to allow time for them to process the order and the mail to deliver.  I know God can take care of that and even at the last day of my supply I can get my prescription.  And even if I don't, I know that God will take care of me and my health.  I trust Him in that.  But for some reason I could not shake that out of my mind - even after giving it to God to take care of for me.  I finally asked Him to remove it from my mind... and let me go back to sleep... and He did.. for about 15 minutes before I finally had to get up.  So the butt is kind of dragging this morning.  

I have to stop my quiet time early today because I am going to do another run to the office to help another department pack up their things.  Yes, I volunteered.  Yes, I'll use a a quarter tank of gas.  But I'm moving; I'm out of the house; I'm doing something productive.  I am sure you understand.  I will be 'free' to move about and not sit in front of the computer.  I will be taking my computer with me because I am covering for another admin and need to track if her people contact me.  I know I already have projects I need to do - got it about 5 minutes before I signed off yesterday - but I signed off anyway.  It will still be there when I get back home today.  I can complete it then.

Worked on the daily lesson in Rooted today.  It was based on creation.  As I read in Genesis 1, things that stood out to me were 'God said'; 'God called'; 'God made'; and 'God saw' it was good.  God did it ALL.  He made everything so that we can glorify Him. It brought to mind a time when I was praising God when I came home from work, and I noticed the beautiful blue sky.  For some reason, the beauty of the blue sky with the white clouds floating in it made praise bubble up within me.  It was glorious.  I can't even describe the feeling I had within me.  I can remember praising God for it's beauty and letting me see and enjoy it.  When I got home, hubby wasn't home yet (this was a long, long time ago) and I know what I know.... I walked into the back yard where our pool was, and fully clothed, I walked into the pool, and walked around with arms lifted high, singing songs of praise and adoration to God.  I don't remember how long I did that, but was able to get out and change clothes before hubby got home.  I was so overcome with the beauty of God's creation and the glory He showed me that day.  All I wanted to do was praise Him.  My heart was so full of wonder of His majesty.

Have you ever had an experience like that - where you are so overcome with the beauty of what God has created, that you wanted to sing songs of praise and adoration?  Perhaps it was when you looked at your newborn baby.  I can remember Uncle Charlie coming home from college to see my firstborn, taking her little hand and letting it wrap around his finger, and he said... "how can anyone look at a newborn baby and not believe there is a God in heaven?"    How did you feel when you looked at your first child?  Your first grandchild?  I am always filled with wonder at how this beautiful little creation was brought forth by the hand of God.  Glory!

"In the beginning...." the Bible starts in Genesis 1.  But what happened 'in the beginning'?  GOD created.  Those words speak volumes.

What is your beginning?  God is waiting for you to turn the reins of your life over to Him so that He can help you 'in the beginning'.  Do you not realize how much He loves you and wants to provide all that He has for you?  He wants to be your beginning; He wants to show you His glory.  He wants you to see His glory and to seek His face.  There really isn't anything better in life.

We tend to put so many things before God.  Things that we think is so much more important - ourselves, for one.  But when we put God first, He always provides all that is the most important.  I love those times when my heart and mind are consumed with Him and His glory.  It doesn't happen every day - I wish it did!  I also let 'things' get in the way of my looking to see where He is working.  But when I let God be God and not me, I get the joy of seeing Him at work and knowing He is at work in me.

Today is the start of a new day.  What is going to be YOUR new beginning?  What are you willing to let go of so that you can begin to live today?  Something to think about.

Blessings!

Interesting question....

 We went to our first Bible study in a couple months last night.  The church is wanting everyone to do the book of 'Rooted.  Connect with God, the Church, Your Purpose'  As we didn't go to the main campus and get our book last Wednesday, we got them last night.  We also didn't have a chance to read the first chapter- that they had gone through the week before.  But we have our books.  In fact, they were supposed to have week 2 completed by this week so that it could be discussed.

Well, our leader is VERY talkative and he talked nearly the entire time, asking questions and getting other people to talk.  Hubby and I just sat there quietly, pretty much.  Towards the end they asked one of the questions in the book that we are to answer at the end of Chapter 1.  It wasn't a hard question; we didn't need to read or study to answer that question.  But they went around the room and had everyone respond to it.  And that included hubby and I.  I guess hubby didn't hear what we were to do, even though he sat next to the leader.  He didn't answer the question, but referred back to a 'logic versus love' comment our leader had spoken of earlier.  I was last.  The question was put to me.

"What false or incomplete images of God do you have?"

I had listened to everyone else give their response.  But now, it was my turn.  All eyes were on me.  I had thought about that question as it went around the room.  And now, I had to give my answer.

"I don't want to sound arrogant or anything.... but I don't have any false or incomplete image of God.  He is God and I am not. He knows all about me, and how things affect me.  He knows what I need before I know I do.  He is faithful; He is Sovereign. My image of God is He is Lord of all.  He may not give me all I ask for.  He may not do it when I ask Him to.  He may confuse me with His responses ... but He is still God, and I am not.  I grew up having a head knowledge of who God is, but once I gained a personal relationship with Jesus, all of that changed.  He is Lord of All."

I saw a few heads nodding in agreement.  Then the closing prayer was given and we started to leave.  I still felt awkward at giving that response.  I felt like I was giving the impression that I was so much more than they were - and that is so far from the truth.  But I wanted to give an honest answer - and I could not think of anything false or incomplete in my opinion of God.

Our group has grown from before and I was thrilled that our Pastor's wife is in our group.  I think our Pastor will be coming as well, but he couldn't last night.  As soon as she saw me across the room when she came in, she told me, I want to talk with you about getting together.  Surprised she even remembered, I nodded.  After class, I waited to talk with her.  

Remember my mentioning that we had invited the pastor and his wife out to dinner via email, then we went up and introduced ourselves one Sunday morning to both of them.  It was determined the dinner would be Italian.  But we never set a date.  A friend told me that I probably shouldn't expect it to happen.  So, hubby and I agreed we wouldn't mention it again.  We'd let it go.  It wasn't brought up until the pastor's wife did last night.  She wanted my telephone number.  She said that the pastor couldn't find my email so she didn't know how to get in touch with me (and Sunday mornings are crazy).  So - now she has my telephone number and I guess I'll get a call at some point and we'll go to dinner.  Actually, I'm glad God caused the time to pass before we connected.  I really feel a bond with her, but some of the questions I wanted to ask - I've now got the answers for.  One of them was about this book that we are now going through.  It wasn't being promoted so much at our church.  (I guess there are a total of about 300 who are actually doing the book).  I was puzzled how it could be mentioned occasionally... but not promoted.. if we are to be doing it as a church.  Were the pastors behind it or not?  And I definitely got my answer to that last night when the pastor's wife showed up in our group!  I'm looking forward to getting to know them both.

Other than the leader talking way too much, I think this is going to be a good class.  Hubby and I have a lot to catch up on since we just got our books last night.  I stayed up and read through the first part with the introduction.  Now to work on the week's lesson.  It just felt good to have a study to do again - and to do it with others.  As much as I love to facilitate a group, hubby and I do not agree on the way to do it and if we had a group here, I'm afraid it would prove difficult for we both would want to lead it.  We don't facilitate a class together well.  We just have different opinions on how things should be done.  Not that either is right or wrong.  We are different people.  He wants to tell people what to do; I want them to see and hear and learn and do it as they are lead.  Does that make sense?

I'm going to leave you today with this same question.  Take a moment and think about your answer.  How would you answer this?

"What false or incomplete images of God do you have?"

Blessings!

It was a good day, I think...

 Yesterday was a fairly quiet day for us.  Well, except during the Raider/Cardinal football game.  I could not believe how the Cardinals came from behind in the second half and beat the Raiders.  Unbelievable! Hubby was thrilled.  I was in shock.

We went to church yesterday and it was an interesting service.  Worship was good... but our pastor had a friend from Nigeria that spoke.  The accent was somewhat difficult to follow, but his message was good.  I did take some notes, but hubby seemed to have a great difficulty in following what was being said.  And the thing with pastors from Nigeria... they don't know when to stop!  We go to the first service because, as I have mentioned before, we like structure in that we know we will be out at a certain time.  Well, services went to ten minutes before the next service was to start!  And he told us as he wound it down for the first service, that if we wanted to stay for the second service, we would get a lot more!  Naw, we didn't stay.  Hubby had already told me on the way to church he wanted to go to Chili's for lunch, so I knew what was on his mind.  I was sooo cold (the first service is always so cold as there aren't as many people there) and have decided I may bring a shawl with me as an extra layer of warmth - and I had a sweater on!  And you know also what that means.  Even though I was trying to stay focused... when I get cold, I want to go to sleep and yes, I was yawning quite a bit towards the end of the service!

It was pretty much an uneventful weekend, I think.  Saturday we didn't do much; I cooked breakfast and dinner.   I think I may have gone to the store.  Made up a batch of salsa.  Yesterday was church, had lunch at Chili's.  After coming home I did finally make it across the street to visit a neighbor.  Another neighbor had invited us to a concert at their church for the evening, but we declined.  Watched the ball game.  I crochet'd some.  I sewed on a wall hanging some.  Dinner was 'on our own' cause I didn't cook.  Yeah, I think it was a quiet weekend.

Today I'm back at work, of course.  I still have the board minutes to work on.  Every time I brought them up to work on last week, I would get distracted by needed to schedule meetings.  I really would like to get them off my to do list this week - but will see.  Mondays can go either way.  Busy or not.  I'm driving down to the office on Wednesday to help another department pack up desks and file cabinets.  I offered. Yeah, it does cost me gas, but 1) I'm out of the house and 2) I'm actively doing something.  I'll go down and spend 4-5 hours and will enjoy every minute of it, even though it will be warm on that floor and lots of work.  I'm good with it.  I'm out of the house and moving.  It's always a good thing.

Did you know that even pastors mess up sometimes on their sermons?  As I listened to Free Chapel/Jentezen Franklin yesterday morning, as he was sharing scripture from John 21, (did I mention this yesterday?) he was talking in that chapter to Simon Peter, if you remember, telling him how he was going to die when he got older.  Well, then the pastor started talking about how sometimes God answers prayers for some people, but doesn't answer them for others.  Like, here is a person who loves Jesus and follows Him and serves Him in a mighty way... but God takes him home at a young age, although numerous people were earnestly praying for him.  Then there may be someone who is the 'average' person, maybe doesn't even go to church, and yet, God heals them and life goes on.  Doesn't seem fair, does it?  We will never know the answer for that until we get to Heaven.

But, one of the examples used was that James - the half brother of Jesus, at the beginning of Christianity, the one who wrote the book of James, the one who was the leader in the Jerusalem church - he said he was beheaded.  He got the wrong James!  The James he was referring to was the brother of John - and THAT James was beheaded by King Herod.  James, the half brother of Jesus, lived to be much older and was stoned to death.  How did I know that?  It's because I've read my Bible.  Plus, when I can read other books that contain background, I do that as well.  I've read a book called Foxe's book of Martyrs and it tells the stories of Christians who were killed in the early years of Christianity.  It really is very interesting.  Did you know they actually sawed Christians in half - alive?  Can you just imagine the pain they had to endure before they died?  Some would recant, I'm sure, but for those who did not, they won the joys of being with Jesus.

Ephesians 4:29 (NKJV):  "Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers."

Do you ever find yourself wanting to say something - perhaps unkind - to someone because you are so frustrated with them?  Or angry with them?  Do you find yourself taking a quick 'second thought' about it, and in spite of wanting to say it, you hold your tongue?  Sure, there will be times you will blurt it out anyway - and sometimes you will even feel guilty for verbalizing it.  Right?  So what do we do then? We try to justify saying that critical or hateful word.  "They deserved it" we say.  "They asked for it; I warned them" we retort.  But inside, we know what we did or said was wrong.  Apologize?  Not usually.  We feel justified.  RIght?

But Paul tells us in Ephesians 4:29 that we are not to let those words come out of our mouths.  We should only speak words that build up people.  We may be disappointed in people, sure.  We may be angry at people - often happens in life.  We may feel like screaming at a store clerk because they screwed up an order or something.  Or they give us the wrong sandwich after we specifically say NO TOMATOES and NO CHEESE and NO ONIONS (not me!) and our hamburger comes with all of it.  

How we respond to others tells them who we are.  It gives volumes of what type of person we are.  How we respond to difficult situations often tells if we are who we say we are.  

I get it.  Sometimes the words just come out.  I've done it.  Hubby has done it.  And you probably have done it too.  But let's make a pact.  Starting today.  Before we say something that we may (or may not) regret, let's take the opportunity to build up rather than tear down.   Choose your words carefully.  You can easily destroy a person with your words, or you can help them make the choice to live.

Words can build up or tear down.  Choose your words wisely.

Blessings!

I know I missed something good....

 This weekend was the Divine Women's Conference by Free Chapel in Georgia that I signed my little sister and I up for around the first part of this year.  I didn't know how either of us could financially go, but I thought it would be good for both of us. In my mind, both of us could have saved for it, and have it as a goal.  It was something we both needed.  And it would have been so fulfilling and we would  have been blessed.  But, with things happening earlier this year, I knew I couldn't go.  And neither could my sister.  So I donated the two tickets that I had bought, that perhaps someone who couldn't afford to go, could go.  I would have had airline tickets and hotel to pay for too, so it's just not to be this year.  

I'm watching worship with Free Chapel this morning as I write this.  I usually do turn my phone on at 6AM when the first service starts.  Yeah, I get some worship and a message before I even get ready for church on Sundays!  Great worship that is good for my soul.  Remember the song, "What can make me whole again?  Nothing but the blood of Jesus.  What can wash away my sins?  Northing but the blood of Jesus!   O Precious is the flow, that makes me white as snow. No other fount I know, nothing but the blood of Jesus."  Nothing but the blood of Jesus.  He sets us free from our past; from everything.  You can never know life until you have been washed by His blood and set free from the things that hold you.

There is Hope and there is Freedom... speak Jesus.  His name is Power; His name is Healing.  He will bring every stronghold, shine through the shadows, burn like a fire through those things that hold us in bondage.  He can remove every fear and anxiety, and every soul that is held captive, He alone can set free.  Powerful words.  Read them again.  Choose to speak the name of Jesus - He can set each one of us free from whatever holds us - He can shine through the shadows and break every stronghold.  Wow!

My heart is really longing to get away with Jesus for a few days.  No phone, no TV, no interactions with others, just Jesus.  Unfortunately, hubby doesn't understand that feeling I have; he wants to go wherever I want to go too.  Sure, he wants to spend quality time with Jesus, but he wants to do it with me and not let me go alone.  That's the difference between us.... if he wanted to do it, I'd encourage it, and take advantage of my time alone at home to do the same.  Perhaps I need to start out slow.  It's been a few years, but perhaps I can convince him to let me have a Saturday morning alone here in my room - until noon at least - and just have that time alone with God.  I just need to make sure I get it on the calendar so that he knows that is what I'm going to do.  Sooner rather than later.  Stay tuned on that.  

It's Sunday and we will be getting ready for church soon.  Our pastor has been 'on fire' in preaching the Word.  I always walk away with learning something.  I even take notes!  But then I bury the notes in my Bible, and unless we talk about them specifically, that is where they will stay.  I need to get better organized, for sure.  

In fact, I was re-reading Draw the Circle by Mark Batterson this morning, and in it he talks about his prayer journal.  Every time I read that chapter, I get inspired to carry one of my journals around with me.  But, I write a lot of personal things int here and if I ever lost it... yipes!  I need to SPEAK my prayers more than WRITE my prayers.  In fact, in thinking back over the years,, I can remember when I changed from just writing things in a journal versus writing my prayers in the journal.  Several years ago a friend mentioned that she wrote out her prayers each morning so that she could look back and see how God answered her prayers.  That made sense to me, so I started doing it.  Unfortunately, it caused me to use more of my time writing, and less time actually talking with God.  My loss, for sure!  I've been gradually getting back to the 'way it was' when I first became a Christian.  There is nothing like spending time 1:1 talking with Jesus.  Yes, I still write in my journals, but I don't want to write my prayers in there... I want to talk with Jesus.  Journals are a tracking of my life.  My emotions. My feelings about things.  But prayers.... that is when I can lay it all out before God.  Writing it just isn't the same.

Jentezen Franklin is on fire this morning!  He is talking about how Jesus tells us to Follow Him... remember when Simon Peter and Jesus were walking and Jesus told Peter how when he  was a child, he had freedom, but when he grew old, his hands would be bound and he would be led away.  That was Simon Peter's future.  As he pondered that, Simon Peter looked behind him and saw the beloved disciple, John.  "What about him?" Simon Peter asked Jesus.  And how did Jesus respond?  

John 21:22 (NKJV):  "Jesus said to him, "If I will that he remain til I come, what is that to you?  You follow Me."

It doesn't matter what happens to us.  It doesn't matter what people do or say to us.  It doesn't matter the challenges we face.  In all these things, Jesus just says, "Follow Me."

"Follow Me."  The lessons we have learned over the years always draw us back to 'Follow Jesus'.  

And that is going to be my challenge to you this morning.  Jesus knows about every trial you or your child goes through.  He knows what is ahead of you.  With each one of these trials and heartaches, each thing you walk through, Jesus is drawing you to Him.  Satan is a liar.   Satan doesn't want you to follow Jesus.  Satan knows that you can stomp on his head.  

Choose Jesus.

Follow Him.  Follow Jesus.  You will never be the same.

Blessings!

When we don't do what we are called to do....

I was reading in II Samuel 11 this morning and read this:

II Samuel 11:1-2a... (NKJV):  "It happened in the spring of the year, at the time when kings go out to battle, that David sent Joab and his servants with him, and all Israel; and they destroyed the people of Ammon and besieged Rabbah.  But David remained at Jerusalem.  Then it happened one evening that David arose from his bed and walked on the roof of the king's house...."

I want to stop there cause I got to thinking about that.  The underscored words.  ...at the time when kings go out to battle.  But David remained at Jerusalem.  Then it happened.  I'm sure you remember without me mentioning anything else what that chapter is about.  Go ahead, read it!

...at the time when kings go out to battle.  David wasn't supposed to be at home.  He was to be fighting the war Israel was in.  But he got lazy.  He knew his servant Joab could handle it.  So he chose to not do his job of leading his people.  But David remained at Jerusalem.  Instead of fighting the battle as a king should, David remained at home.  and... Then it happened.  Oh yeah, we remember the story; we know what happened!  And why did it happen?

Because David wasn't doing his job; he got lazy; he pushed off his responsibility onto someone else; he allowed the enemy a foothold and things escalated from there.  

How many times have we NOT done the things we were supposed to do, and even though we knew that we SHOULD do them, we CHOOSE not to, then we try to cover up what we did cause we don't want anyone to know that we didn't do what we were supposed to do so we had to do this or that to cover up what we didn't do.  I know - what I just said didn't make much sense - but you get know what I'm saying.  Even if the words aren't right.

Well, that was a fail... I was trying to think of an example of what I said, but I think the Bible shares it the best.  What happened after David got up from his bed and walked on the roof of his house?  You know the story.  He sees Bathsheba bathing on her roof.... and after inquiring about her, and even finding out she was married... he still desired her and had her brought to him.  After he laid with her, she went back home, but soon sent King David word that she was 'with child'.  David's sin escalated when he - long story short - had her husband killed in battle.  In fact, he ordered it.  Consequences followed.

But if David had done his job, he would have been in battle, would not have gotten up from his bed to walk on his roof, would not have coveted another man's wife, watching her bathe, and then committed adultery with her, killed her husband, lost the child, and have many consequences to follow.  If David had done what he was supposed to have done.  Gone to battle as a king should.

How many times has this been us?  We know we should eat healthy.  (yeah, it's about food again, my favorite subject cause I love it so much)  We do what we are supposed to do for awhile.  We choose wisely and eat food that heals and strengthens our body.  But then we go some place where we know we will be tempted to indulge.  Not only eat what we shouldn't, but also eat much more of it than we should.  If we had gone to a place where we could have made healthier choices, that would have been better, but no, we craved this place.  So we order the wrong food and eat it.  Food laden with carbs, fats and things we shouldn't even (watch those salads!  Even they can be dangerous!)  It could be lots of creamy laden pasta or a big thick steak cooked in butter with everything included. We feel full, rightfully so.  We got our desire, right?  And we 'ate the whole thing!', along with the large baked potato lathered with butter and sour cream and bacon bits.  Sure we ate healthy.... we ate green beans as our vegetable, right?  But then, we feel so full (consequences of eating too much), and probably gained at least 5 pounds that won't go away.

Ok - poor example... but I don't think we walk on our roofs anymore and watch people bathe up there. Food - and too much of it - and cooked with lots of fats is something I can relate to.  I grew up with chicken fried in a lot of grease.  My mama made the very best.  I still crave her friend chicken.  I've found that a couple grocery stores are close to the same taste... in fact, one man at the counter shared that he pressure-cooked the chicken BEFORE he AIR-FRYED it. (that makes it more healthy, right?) That chicken was so good.  I haven't seen him back there since - but I'm not there frequently either.  I'd buy chicken from him - and eat 3-4 pieces of it!  I've moved on past the "healthy" breast piece... I want the thigh, the leg, and the wing.  Yep - those have the most flavor. :-)

So what do you do when you are burdened with a lot of choices?  I know that I tend to eat more when I'm bored.  Even when I'm really hungry, I don't always eat a whole lot, but I am usually able to clean my plate!  Some restaurants give you a lot of food.... you can always take some home.  I rationalize it with 'well, I'm going to eat it anyway, may as well eat it while it's fresh and hot' - right?  Who likes heated up food over fresh and hot?  Even the other night when we went out to eat... instead of getting just a salad... cause I wasn't really hungry but went to keep hubby from getting angry... I ordered a side salad and a bowl of 'loaded potato soup'.  I wasn't half done with either and my stomach was screaming 'enough'!  But I persisted and ate the whole thing.  Both of them.  And I suffered the consequences of being miserable afterwards.  I love food; we have a love/hate relationship.  I love to cook. 

But I also want to lose weight.  Guess who needs to re-evaluate choices and start doing some exercises!  I have every excuse you have ever come up with - and then some - of why I eat like I do.  Not going to share them; I'm sure many of them will sound familiar to you.

So what about you?  When you have something you know you should be doing, and yet you get lazy and don't want to do it... do you find yourself doing other things you should not be doing?

It's Saturday.  For most of us who work, it is our day to catch up on things.  Unlike most homes, I'm not 'allowed' to do a lot of things.  When I leave this room, I will probably cook breakfast.  Ham and eggs on the agenda for this morning. And some fruit.  After that - then what?  If Notre Dame is playing today the TV will surely be on... but I'll probably read or crochet.  What SHOULD I be doing?  Cleaning out my closet; cleaning out a cabinet in the garage to move these gifts out to; sewing; straightening up my desk; straightening up this room - see I have lots of other things to do that I SHOULD do... but I don't wanna.  What about you?  I justify it that I work all week - the weekend is my play time.  

When we don't do what we are called to do... what do you do?  Is it still something that glorifies God?  Is it helpful to others?  Do you complete another project?  Something to think about.

Blessings!

Groan - there were 4 Mondays this week!

 Yesterday was an exhausting day, in more way than one!  It was the 4th Monday this week - meaning that I was overwhelmingly busy.  Meetings that required senior leadership who had no time on their calendar for this meeting.  By begging and pleading, I was finally able to get an hour for this one meeting that was critical - on September 28th with all senior leadership.  Trust me, I did pray over that meeting and begged God to help me convince the admins to move meetings for their leaders so that it could work.  And they did.  And He did.  Grateful for His intervention.

Then at the tale end of the day, the imaging place calls where I was to go this morning to get my DEXascan... and seems that because I changed PCPs and the 'old' PCP had written the order, he either cancelled it or he wrote the wrong date on it - for it 'expired' Wednesday.  They called the old PCP's office and was informed I have a new PCP.  Fine.  They call the new PCP, but hadn't received a response yet - so they cancelled my service for today and we rescheduled for next week.  I don't think I even need it, but they were wanting to see if the Fosamax was helping any.  Since my appointments have mis-coded due to NOT being seen at that PCP's office... I've had to pay for everything that has been done - whether blood work or testing.  I'm just paying it... too much energy to spend trying to contact everyone and argue with them that it was included in the 'well checkup' since my new PCP and I only got established and she didn't request any tests.  In fact, I got notification yesterday that the $16 copay I made at the clinic the other day is being denied because I paid it using my Health Equity card - which should cover medical, and I can't prove that it was a medical service.  Things like that give me a headache - it was at the clinic, for crying out loud!  What did I do - buy dinner?  

And I laid awake from about 12:12AM on today, rehashing things I need to get done - contact the new PCP that I need my prescriptions renewed and where to send the new prescription; do I really need the DEXascan this year, can it wait; what did my initial visit with her get coded that I have to pay for it; do I need another visit with the new PCP... all these things kept running through my mind.  I said the Lord's Prayer and added a lot to it.  I prayed for my boys.  I prayed the 23rd Psalm.  I did all I could to try and fall back to sleep, but could not.  Then I finally started falling asleep and I felt hubby get up so looked at the clock.... I had been refusing to open my eyes to see after 2:15AM.  It was 4:24AM.  As I get up, I remembered that LAST Friday I had changed my alarm for Friday to 5AM.  I forgot to change it back.  So I took the time this morning to get my alarm reset so that next week I don't 'oversleep'.  And here I am.  Sleepy, groggy, and exhausted still.  

Hubby took me out to dinner last night and even though I took a sweater, the restaurant was very chilly and I got chilled to the bone.  Especially after being in this room all day, wrapped in a blanket.  Yes, this room is the coldest in the house and I freeze nearly every day in here.  So last night after we came back home, I put my jammies on and put on my long robe.  He made fun of me, but I sat with an additional blanket on me for about an hour before I finally warmed up.  Have you ever been so cold your bones hurt?  My bones don't hurt this morning, thank goodness.  I'm just really tired from not sleeping and chilly.

James 3:13 (NKJV):  "Who is wise and understanding among you?  Let him show by good conduct that his works are done in the meekness of wisdom."

I have never claimed to be 'wise', but I try to make smart choices.  Or wise choices, whichever word you choose to use.  And if I do choose the right words to say or make a wise choice, I certainly don't brag on it.  I have done a lot of stupid things.  If I choose rightly, I thank God for helping me make the right choice/ my thinking had nothing to do with it. 

What about you?  Do you think every choice you make needs to be bragged about?  Or do you just do it and remain silent, especially if you are right?  If you are wrong, you know everyone will be talking about it, right?  A goal for both of us could be to be wise (slow to speak?) and understanding (listen to all the pros and cons before making a decision?) and just 'do the right thing for the right reason'. 

I am reminded this morning of an old doctor who was still working at a company I used to work for.  He was a wonderful man, but was nearly 90, I think.  He made a couple mistakes that weren't a big deal, he just approved a thing or two he shouldn't have in medical review.  So 'they' decided to 'escort him out of the building' and let him go.  I actually threw a temper tantrum, and went into the President's office and stated my case for this doctor.  I told them that if they were forcing him into retirement, this was not the way to do it.  You don't just escort someone of his caliber out of the office.  It wasn't that he was stealing anything; just made a couple approvals that shouldn't have been made.  He was an OB doctor in his prime and he was approving OB stuff.  Anyway - I insisted that we throw a 'Retirement Party' for him and even if I had to pay for it, we needed to celebrate him for the years he had been with our company.  And I walked out of the President's office.  I planned for and ordered a large cake and bottle water.  I scheduled the party, spoke with his wife to get him there because I wanted it to be an honored surprise.  And it was a surprise for him, and many employees came in (to get cake mainly) to share stories with this doctor and congratulate him on his retirement.  He came to me later and thanked me for doing the party.... and his words touched my heart.  He said, "You allowed me to leave with my head up; thank you.  I will be forever grateful."  And the President of the company said that I was right... I did the right thing, for the right reason.    Now, I'm not sharing that for a pat on the back.  That was many years ago anyway... but sometimes we need to look beyond ourselves and do the right thing for the right reason.  I could have just shrugged and said 'oh well'.... but I couldn't.  It was wrong how they were treating him, and I felt he deserved more.  And I have never regretted it.  And the company DID pay for the cake and water. 

See what happens when I'm tired?  I start rambling.  More than usual.  One more work day this week and then what...??  I hope to get some reading done.  Did read a bit last night.  I actually was able to chuckle about something - a friend send me an email and asked if I had read 'Unrelenting Prayer"  by Bob Sorge.  Now he is one of my favorite authors and although I've tried hard not to buy many books the past few months, I thought I may have that one... and the first place I looked was on my kindle.  And, sure enough, there it was!  Looks like I got to about chapter 5 before I had quit and gotten distracted for some reason.  So I started it at chapter 1 again and decided to read it.  I sent her a quick note back that I did know that author and have several of his books already.  The first book I read that he wrote is a devotional that I dearly love and have read and reread it numerous times.  In fact, I have it here on my bookcase to read again once I finish the devotional I'm reading now. I am pretty sure I have shared that devotional many times before... and will again.  Secrets of the Secret Place is a devotional that will turn your world upside down.  It really taught me a lot and teaches me and reminds me again when I read it of our part in our walk with God, and His part.

God is good; all the time God is good.  He puts things in our hands that cause us to think and ponder and turn for His glory alone.   What can you do today to praise our God who watches over us and hears our prayers?  Something to think about.

Blessings!