I love the quiet of the early morning.....

 Although I have been up for over an hour, have read my Bible, have spent time focused on God already this morning, hubby has brought my coffee, has left for his Bible study, and now I am alone (with Sheeba, of course).... I sit here and listen to the quiet around me, and love it.  I hear the traffic going up and down the road a block away.   I hear the clicking of the keys on the laptop as I type this.  But when I stop.... I hear silence.  And it is good.

I almost don't want to break that silence by typing again.  I did say 'almost'.  Of course as I say that, I am also pondering what could I possibly write about today.  

As for my little sister, in case you were wondering how that ended up.... when she had sent me the red-marked up photo for me to retype, and I had told her she had a computer, to retype what she wanted as I couldn't read what she wrote.... she was too busy, going to the aquarium with our niece and her children.  While she was gone, she text'd me back that she decided she wasn't going to do any of it.  She would just read the 23rd Psalm because she was trying to be someone she wasn't and it was phony.  I think I understand what she is saying.... but I told her that if she read what we originally typed and agreed on (without all the 'I' and 'me' in it, she would do fine.  Today is the funeral and I have no idea what she will do.  She used to be so funny and full of life, but her marriage has made her a total introvert and she has no confidence in her ability to do anything.  

When we did the 13.1 mini marathon in 2013, we were barely two miles into it when she wanted to quit.  I refused to let her, telling her that she was going to finish something.  She would always start, and never finish, saying she just couldn't do it, she wasn't smart enough, etc.  I literally had to drag her through all the miles to get her to the end.  And from that we had a major breakdown between us and she didn't speak to me for months.  Another story that I have already shared.  But she finished something, although in her anger at me for laughing about having to drag her through it all, she threw away every remembrance of the mini...including her medal.  Then she asked me for mine when she began speaking to me again.  I sent it to her for the joy in it was removed for me.  A few years later she returned it to me.  She accomplished it, and yet in her anger, threw away every reminder of her 'win'.  Another story, another lesson, another day.

Oh - my prizes I won yesterday!  The man who gave the gifts reminded me somewhat of my son, although he had a white beard.  He was non-talkative.  I told him who I was and tried to make a conversation (I would have like to have seen what else he made and the costs) but he very quickly got my items out of his house, handed them off, and walked away.  Did he regret doing what he did?  I think some of these were items he had made for others and they did not come to pick them up and pay the price for them.  These items are a lot bigger than what I thought they would be, and they are really heavy.  He did a great job on them.  But I have no place for them....  I showed my daughter what I had won last night and she really liked the family photo frame.  Yes, it is very heavy too.  It's probably 30" tall and 24" wide (and I'm just guessing at that) and you can hang photos on the strings with the little clothes pins.  Really creative and cute, but I don't have a wall to put it on.  So I let her have it for her grandchildren's photos.  I have a fairly large heavy flag that looks wavy with a blue line across the middle.  I really like and and wish I had a place to put it.  I'm not sure what to do with it; I have a friend who may want it, but for now, will hang on to it until I figure that out.  The last thing I won was a wooden cross and it's fairly big too.  I'm hoping I can figure how to hang it out on the front porch.  There is a nail that looks pretty secure out front and I haven't checked to see if he put a hanging hook on the back of the cross, but if he has and it works - I have a place for it.  He does really great work and I would have liked to see what else he has made.  I can't buy a lot, for sure, but if something caught my eye I would certainly consider it.  The work he has put into it is well worth the money.

As Easter approaches there is Someone who did something for each one of us that was 'well worth the money'.... actually, if we bring money into it, the 30 pieces of silver doesn't even come close to His value.  But that is what was given for His betrayal.  Jesus was born, lived, and died.... all for us.  When people are asked what is their 'favorite' holiday, it's interesting what they say, and the reason they say it.  Some say Thanksgiving because of all the food and family.  (notice the order)  Others would say Christmas because of all the gifts. Others say Easter because of the 'Easter bunny' and all the peeps and the Easter candy eggs.

Each holiday noted above is special to me, but for different reasons.  I love having family about (although my dreams of all my family together ....) and just eating lots of food... and I love making my grandmother's cornbread dressing and giblet gravy.  I hope my children continue to make it in their own families so that tradition will be handed down.  I love Christmas, because that is when we celebrate the birth of Jesus.  Yeah, you thought I was going to say all the gifts, didn't you!   I love taking those moments in the morning early and reflecting on what the celebration is about.  The birth of Jesus.  My Lord, my Savior.  Christmas is all about Him.  Not so much to the secular world - to them it's all about gifts.  We give gifts because the wise men brought Jesus gifts.   But Easter, Easter is even more special than the birth of Jesus.  It's when Jesus gave up His life, so that we can live.   For 30 pieces of silver, He was betrayed.

How often do we betray Jesus by the things we say, the things we do?  Oh we may not take 30 pieces of silver for Him....unfortunately, we often take much less.  Instead of honoring and worshipping Jesus, and giving Him the glory He deserves as the only begotten Son of our El Shaddai, our Almighty God... we tend to push Him behind the Easter candy and Easter baskets and not even think about the betrayal, the scourging, the cross on which He hanged.  Do we even go beyond the cross and think of the tomb... which became empty on Easter morning?  And why was it empty?

Because He arose!  Yes, Jesus arose from the dead.  He descended, and then ascended unto His Father, our Father.  We serve a risen Savior, not One still on the cross, who died.  We serve a risen Savior, One who was removed from the cross, buried, and came to life again.  For me, and for you.   He gave up His life, to save yours.   

Something to think about.   Are you willing to give Him your life?   

Blessings!

I won! I won!

 A friend of my oldest son was going through a tough time recently and apparently he makes things to sell.  To make some money for a critical need, he had offered to put several items up for people to buy chances for.  Last weekend was the drawing.  I had thought of it during the weekend, but let the thought go.  Didn't really know if I would win or not, and it didn't matter.  I had zelle'd him some money as I felt God had led me to do.   I have a note in messenger from my son, telling me I had won something, and also a messenger note from the man I had sent the money to, as we had corresponded via messenger before I did it.  So I'm excited for I have won three items!   To pick them up is a straight shot from our house so that won't be a problem either.  I'll be contacting him later today to make arrangements.  I'm grateful that God laid it on my heart to help him out in his need, and I'm glad my son shared his post for that was what God laid on my heart.   He is my son's friend, and he had a need.  God laid it on my heart to help in a small way.  Getting to win something is a plus.  

Sometimes when life is the hardest, we don't always see God's hand in bringing people into our lives to help us - or even allow us to help them.  I can remember during a very dark financial time in our lives that a friend walked up to hubby and stuck something in his hand and walked away.  All he had said to hubby was 'pay it forward when you can'.  Inside his hand was a $50 bill.  I cried.

I'm grateful to God that our lives have not been full of sickness and prescriptions and health issues.  Our times of trials have many times been our own fault, buying things we didn't need, giving things we shouldn't have, and not putting God first in our lives.  We thought we were, but in reality, if we were, the things we bought would not be important.   Hubby is constantly going to doctors now for one reason or another.... but he isn't sick.  I think it is because he gets attention.  That sounds horrible, I know.  There is always a 'reason' he has to go.  There truly is.  For me, I avoid  doctors much as I can.  I do just what I have to do.

I'm a bit perplexed this morning.  My little sister wants to do a talk for her mother-in-law's funeral and read the 23rd Psalm.  She wrote out a two page 'talk' and asked me the other day to read and rewrite it for her to make it sound better.  So I did.  I eliminated a lot of the 'I' stuff, that would bring attention to her.  I did leave in the part where she is the 'favorite' daughter-in-law (duh, she is the ONLY daughter-in-law).... but it was other things she wanted in, such as "before I read mom's favorite verse, I want to say a few words.... married to her son for 27 years....", etc.  One thing I have learned from Pastor Steve that I have never forgotten.  When I officiated my oldest brother's funeral, I sought advice.  The one thing Pastor Steve shared with me, because I loved my big brother and was afraid I'd be too emotional to do it, he said to me, "It's not about you.  It's about the person who passed away."  So I took that to heart and still do.  When we share stories at funerals, they should be focused on the individual, not on ourselves.  Well, in one instance she is talking about her mother-in-law was very caring and loving - and she is inserting 'to me and' in front of 'everyone'.  I don't know, perhaps it is just me.  I thought the way it was done was just fine, and now she is wanting 'me' included in a few places.  She asked me to retype it.  I asked her last night why didn't she retype it - she has a computer and a printer.  I have a text from her this morning that 'she is so busy today.  She promised a niece that she would go with her and her children to an aquarium two hours away for the day so she will be gone all day and then will be having dinner with cousins in for the funeral tonight.'   I see her priorities.  ..... and the copy she sent doesn't have all the words she wrote on it.  She said if I don't do it, "I'll just read the 23rd psalm and let it be it".  Shaking my head.  She has a perfect piece to read already.  Don't put it on me.  Am I irritated?  Don't mean to be... just bewildered at her mindset.

I may need a second cup of coffee this morning. Usually I have coffee left over when I finish this - but I just picked up my cup and it's all gone!  Lord, please don't let it be 'one of those days'!   

I did use my treadmill yesterday!  I fixed my days on the work computer with two fifteen minute breaks ... here at home I usually just keep working, but sometimes at the office I would go walking with some friends.  I decided that now I have my treadmill, I can go out there and walk - and I did - twice yesterday!  And guess what!  It is QUIET in the garage.  It's still a little cool out there so that's perfect.  But I was ALONE for fifteen minutes.  And I felt so good when I finished my fifteen minutes on the treadmill and came back to work.  I'm hoping to keep it up.  Maybe, just maybe, some of this extra layers will fall off.  My goal by July is to be down 10-20-30 pounds.  Heck with the pounds - I want the inches gone!  Grateful I haven't gained weight being off work, but I have spread an inch or so.... not buying new clothes but notice some jeans fit a bit tighter than others.

My daughter, granddaughter, great-granddaughter and I have our Jailbreak Getaway scheduled for May and have found a location to go to.  With the baby we won't be doing a whole lot and that's ok.  We don't anyway.  We're content to go out for meals and do some other things, but we are also content to stay in our room and crochet or knit and just be together.  Having the great-granddaughter for her first Jailbreak Getaway, we hope to make lots of memories for her to see when she is older.  We have rented an 'airnb' this time and it is a really nice 3 bedroom home up north.  Lots of mountain views and we're real excited.  I've often told my daughter that I hope she continues to do Jailbreak Getaway when I am no longer here - I will always be with them when they do.

And that is a true statement.  So many times we think that when we bury someone that they are gone forever from us, but that isn't true.  Their memory lives in our hearts and in our minds, and although they are not physically with us, we know they are.  We are sometimes comforted in knowing that we may have brought a smile to their face by doing something 'we' had done together.  Do you believe that?

To tell you the truth, that's the way it is with God too.  He is always with us.  When we do things that are good, I believe that we bring a smile to His face.  When we care for others more than ourselves, and put others first, He nods His head in approval.  When we worship Him and read our Bibles, He gets excited at things He wants us to see in His Word.  But when we do things our way, I feel He sheds a tear.  Why?  Because He has so many good things for us and so many good things to give to us, and when we do things our way instead of His, when we put things in front of Him, it breaks His heart.  Have you ever wanted to give your child something special - and just before you are ready to give it, they do something really bad so you can't let them have it?  That's the feeling I think God has when we do that.... do something and He can't reward us with the great thing He has for us.  His heart is grieved, just as ours is over our child.  After all, we are His children.  Think about that.

It's Tuesday and it's going to be a great day!  Rejoice and be glad, for theLord is good.  Always.

Blessings!

It was a powerful message.....

 We watched Jentezen Franklin @ Free Chapel church yesterday morning.  What a powerful, powerful message!  The message wasn't about Palm Sunday, as one would have expected.   I'm not going to tell you what it was about; I did send a link to a couple people and asked them to listen to it.  One couple sent a note back to me and said it was powerful even to them - and I highly respect these people of God.   I have it on my phone and plan to listen to it again.  If I didn't send it to you, you can find it on YouTube.  I forget the actual title, but it has something like Jentezen Franklin and Palm Sunday in it.  Please - take the time to listen to it.  You will be glad you did.  I would be interested in hearing your thoughts on it.

We didn't do much yesterday, being it was Sunday.  After listening to the above service, we headed over to Target cause hubby wanted to pick up some personal items.  I still had the gift card we had received from his brother for Christmas.  That's how often we go to Target.  He got what he wanted, we got dentasticks for Sheeba and.... enroute to home... I saw a DQ sign.  We were on a mission.  Yep, that made lunch!  I got a turtle pecan blizzard and I ate every single bit of it.  Hubby got a chocolate malt.  Mine was better.  Much bettter.  It had crunch.   So good.  And the last one I will eat for awhile.  Got to wean myself off the candy in my candy dish and eating things I shouldn't.  

Why?  Because the day after Easter I plan to start a new meal plan that will help me get my body healthy.  Yeah, my blood test showed my triglesrides (sp) were up and the doctor wanted to put me on cholesterol meds although it showed only 194 (below 200 is good).  I told her that I would like 3-6 months to get it back down where it should be, that I was starting a new meal plan after Easter.  (I don't want to limit myself on Easter!  I bought pie to take!)  She agreed and wrote a 6 month prescription for my thyroid meds, which is why I had to get the blood work done anyway. 

I was thinking of my children last night.  I sometimes make a dish they dubbed "garbage"back when they were growing up.  There wasn't a name for it other than 'Hamburger Casserole' and although it isn't my recipe but one I had found in the newspaper, I thought it sounded good.  And it was.   Last night I made another dish that they labeled 'Trash'.  Why?  Because I had no idea what the name of it was.  When I had had surgery someone had brought us a dish for dinner, and that was it.  It was so good and I tried to make it as well.  Recipe was simple enough.  Hamburger, green beans, cream of mushroom soup, mashed potatoes and cheese.  Yeah, simple enough.  So I made it and let the children name it. And name it they did.  "Trash".  I made that dish last night for hubby and I.  And it was so good.  It was so good, in fact, that hubby did something last night that he never does.  A couple hours later he got up and said he wash hungry and made himself a dish of some of the leftovers!  I guess it was that good.  I'm glad I love to cook and am not afraid of trying new recipes.  Even those without names.  Oh - you probably know the real name for that dish.... it's called "Shepherd's pie".

Both of my sisters created me angst yesterday.  Yes, both of them.  The oldest one called to ask if I had talked with her son yesterday (no, I haven't talked to him since Christmas).  She began to say some things that I knew was not true, and I said he was a liar.  Perhaps that was a poor choice of a word, I could have softened it and said 'what he is telling you isn't true', but I just called him a liar.  When he says things about my children or about other people I know isn't true, don't get me started.  We ended our conversation on a good note, regardless.  She must have gotten ahold of him later because she called here later in the evening but I was already in bed, nearly asleep, and I was not going to answer her call.  I knew it wasn't important.  Now my younger sister....  we had been chatting all afternoon via text cause I was helping her with something she wanted to say at her mother-in-law's funeral this week.  I mentioned about the older sister's call and what I had said about her son.  I think the little sister was trying to admonish me... I know she doesn't like the word 'liar' nor 'hate'... and she says she doesn't use those words.  Fine.  Soften it up anyway you want to, but it doesn't change what it is.  Anyway, she came back at me with "does God like the word liar or not the truth"?  Excuse me?  I sent a quick note back that did not God use the word Liar in the Bible?  AND I sent her a couple scriptures with it in it (so there!).  She came back with "I was just checking to see if you knew".   I'm stopping there, no sense in getting into it.   She doesn't like those two words and always admonishes me or tries to soften the word.  

No one enjoys being around people they can't trust to tell them the truth.  Most times we can see through conversations and know the truth, especially if we know that person well.  And God does not like 'people who lie', or as we would say, 'liars'.  God is Truth and He never lies to us.  Everything He has said through those who wrote the Bible is true.  You want to know Truth?  Go to your Bible and read Truth.  

Read the Ten Commandments.  They tell you how to live.  People say they don't want restrictions and the Ten Commandements are outdated.  No they are not.  Go back and read them ... they are not really restrictions, but how to live a healthy and whole life.  When we apply these to our lives, our lives are full of life and hope and peace.  Read the Gospels and hear what Jesus said.  "Read the Red" is what some people say.  Some Bible translations don't even highlight Jesus' words anymore.  The current Bible I bought for each of my children (and for this nephew), Jesus' words are in BLUE.  Haven't figured that one out yet as to why.  I bought the Bibles because of the messages that are within the books of the Bible.  Messages from some of his sermons.  I have hopes that my children will read them, especially if they don't go to church.  I learn so much from them and surely they can read a page or two.  Start in Matthew and you can learn a lot of what Jesus' said.

Jesus will restore us.  He will restore our families and those we love.  He gives back that which was lost, and brings peace and healing to those who need it.  Jesus will restore our dreams.  Dreams that we feel are gone and forgotten.  He will restore what was taken from us, and give us much more than we could ever deserve.  He watches over every word that He speaks to us as we sleep.  We may not remember any of it, but He loves us and speaks over us His love.  And He patiently waits for us to acknowledge HIm.  He wants to give you the desires of your heart and bring your dreams to completion.

Restoration.  Something many of us long for.  What are you holding back on?  Won't you let Jesus bring restoration to your dreams, to your heart, today?  Just ask Him.  He's waiting to hear from you.  Tell Him what is on your mind, and thank Him for all He has provided for you.  

God is a good, good Father.  You can always trust Him to provide just what you need.... perhaps not the way you want it to be, but the way it needs to be.  Trust Him.  I know I do.  Regardless.

Happy Monday, indeed!

Palm Sunday....the Sunday before Easter...

 I actually slept until about 5:30 this morning.  I could have slept longer, I think, but knew that if I wanted to have some time alone with Jesus and read my Bible, I would need to get up.   Hubby got up shortly after me, brought my coffee, and told me he was taking Sheeba out for her morning duties.  I don't know why he always feels he has to tell me.  Is he wanting my approval?  My pemission?  Oh well.

I've decided I didn't want to go to the new church today.  Can't explain why specificially, maybe it is because it is a 'new' place and I don't want to go just yet.  I told hubby yesterday and he got all upset with me.  I told him he could go alone, but of course he refused.  I suggested we wait until I get my second vaccine, but that won't be until towards the end of April, and then they say wait two more weeks.  We will probably go before then, but I just didn't want to get dressed up today.  My head hurts this morning - so it is just as well, I guess.  I've gotten lazy in not dressing up on Sundays to go to church.  I like having my 2nd cup of coffee, curling up in the chair with my crocheting, and listening/watching services on the computer.   Plus, we can watch more than one service if we want.

Yes, I want to go back to church.  I've mentioned it a few times, but hubby didn't want to go back to our current church.  So we stayed home.  This past couple weeks he has decided this other church a bit closer to us on our side of town, is where we should go.  I had encouraged it, for a couple reasons.  One is that they have a youth group and I'm hoping we can get my youngest son's daughter involved in it.  She desperately needs Christian friends and involvement.  Of course the other day hubby was talking about it and went off that my son needs to do his part in taking her to various youth activities.  I told him he was nuts - we weren't even going yet, hadn't taken the granddaughter, and he was already going off on my son that he needed to take his daughter to the youth activities?  He will find anything to fight about, and if he starts on my children, he will have a fight.

I'm somewhat angry with hubby still from an argument we had yesterday.  Over money, in fact.  The scripture that says 'Money is the root of all evil' kept coming to my mind.  Long story for another day, maybe.  

I did get out in the garage yesterday for a few hours and was able to get several boxes emptied.  Yes, some things I did let go of, but there is still a lot that I need to throw away.  There are still a few boxes I didn't get to, but they are in the cabinet so didn't pull them out.  Hubby was determined that he had one more box and came out two-three times in the middle of my going through boxes, asking if I had found it yet.  Finally I just stopped what I was doing to try and find 'his' box.  I never found anything with his name on it - saw the box labeled "taxes" and took it to him and asked if that was the box he was looking for.  It was.  So why would I think that was a box he'd want to see?  Taxes are done and stored.  UGH.  Then he came out to ask "can I do anything to help?"  Heck no,  leave me alone and let me have my space and be able to think without interruptions.  He couldn't go through anything without asking me what to do with it, and I'd be busy making sure he didn't throw anything away that I wanted to keep....sigh.  I jsut wanted to be alone with my boxes and I made great progress.

Mid-afternoon my daughter and son-in-law stopped by with our great-granddaughter and we got to see her for a bit.  She has grown so much since we have seen her.  They may live in town, but there is still a bit of time in between visits.   I got my treadmill back and it was set up in the garage about where I want it.  I say about because I think I need to move it up some so that I can put my weight bench in the corner.  I was going to do it the other way around, but I think it will be better the other way.  Not a big deal and I'll move it myself once hubby is busy with a tv show.  I don't need him to do it for me because he has a sore shoulder.  I even swept the garage floor where I could and was nearly done when hubby came out fussing at me about doing it - "I planned to do that".  So I handed him the broom I was using to finish up the last quarter.    

I love the Passion Translation of Psalm 51:12, which I read in my devotional this morning.  I would love to write the reading for today, but since I've already written much I won't.  But here is the scripture:

Psalm 51:12  Let my passion for life be restored, tasting joy in every breakthrough you bring to me.  Hold me close to you with a willing spirit that obeys whatever you say.

This verse says, because I ask, He will restore me.  He won't limit me to a certain thing.  He will bring life to my heart.  I can depend on Jesus to restore my family, my relationships with others.  His grace is enough for me, and for my family and those I love.

Jesus will restore our minds and our hearts as we seek Him.  Crooked things will become straight  within and healing will happen and soothe our souls.  We will find out joy in Him.

Jesus will restore the dreams we have let go of, allowed them to be beaten down, stolen from us.  I know I have numerous dreams that are gone, and I am sure you do as well.   Jesus will fulfil those desires within us if we let Him, and will bring them to completion, even now.  His ways are perfect, and He will restore each one of us for His purposes.

O little one, never limit Jesus and what He can do in you.  Many times we put Him in a box and think He can do nothing about our circumstances, about the pain we carry around within us, about broken relationships.  He's in this box and we try to put the lid on Him.  But our God is bigger than the box.  He created the box; He can't fit in it.

Ask God about your dreams, and allow Him to bring them to fruitation - His way.  Trust Him in this, and you will find your joy once again.

It's hard, trust me, so very hard.  But I trust God more than I trust myself to make things right.  He allows some things to continue until the right time.  I just have to trust Him.  

And I do.  Do you?

Blessings!

One down, one to go....

 Well, I did it.  I made the trip to the doctor's office and got my first moderna vaccine shot.  I still didn't want to go.  Hubby wanted to drive me (and knew where to park, what to wait for, etc.) - and even said a prayer for me while waitng for my time to go in.  I couldn't go in when we arrived.  We parked on the east side of the building.  I called the office to let them know I was there.  And I waited.  Eventually the doctor came out and held up a time on a card.  The first one was 2:40PM.  I saw five people get out of their car and walk to the office door.  About ten minutes later they started coming out another door, one at a time.  Another doctor would walk them to their car, put a time on their windshield, and a yellow tag on their side mirror, and told them to wait.

Finally, the doctor comes out with 3:00PM on the sign and I make my way to the front door.  I had already gotten out of the car and was waiting for it.  I was first in.  They spaced the five of us out in the waiting room and we completed a  clip board and for those of us NOT a patient with this doctor, they took a copy of our insurance card.  (Not to bill for the shot; but for the administrative cost)  The doctor stood in the doorway and gave us information about the moderna vaccine and shared his own experience - only he had gotten the Pfizer.  He said the first shot for him he felt fine - even went out for a run.  (You should see the muscles bulging from his biceps just standing there talking to us!)  The second shot he said knocked him down.  He felt like he had been hit by a truck the next day.  Oh so that gives us something to look forward to?  But it was the "other vaccine".  I have friends at work who felt the same way with the same vaccine.  

Finally everyone was finished with the paperwork and he asked who would be first.  I wanted to get it over with so I jumped up and went first.  The girls in the office remembered me (from 4 years ago!) and commented I had let my hair grow.  Another one took my photo for me so that I could send it to some who had sent me their photos.  They handed me a card which showed I was to go back on April 23rd for my next shot.  The other doctor (who used to be my doctor and has now retired) walked me to my car and put the 15 minute time on the car windshield and the yellow tag on the side mirror.   Fifteen minutes later he came back and asked how I was feeling (fine) and he removed the sign and the tag and sent us on our way.

All of a sudden, I was hungry!  So we stopped for an early dinner on the way home.  I felt fine all evening and I can't believe I slept nearly 7 1/2 hours last night!  This morning my shoulder feels like someone took a hard punch to it, but other than that, I feel fine.  I hope it lasts.  Hubby just felt sleepy in the afternoon and took a nap, but no other symptoms.  So I'm allowed a nap this afternoon, I'm thinking.  LOL

I just have to share something I read in my devotional this morning.  Yes, I could probalby come up with something on my own to share, but this one really spoke to me.  In fact, I've read it several times, just letting it soak in.  I hope you do as well.  It's from the "I Hear His Whisper" devotional.

"What you see now is not what will be forever.  There may be trouble in your family, but it will not last forever.  There may be trouble around you, but it will soon disappear.  Set your heart on my faithfulness and do not be distracted by the imposssibility that limits you.  I am your Father, and I have plans to prosper you and make you fruitful in my vineyard.

Take rest in my works.  Take joy in my love.  This day I will open up your eyes to see my saving power.  I have come.  My redeeming grace will be unveiled before you.  This is the day when I will arise and redeem your life and fully restore it back to me.  From today forward, my presence will be upon you in unmistakable ways.  My face will lead your steps and protect you from all that may come against you.  Though a raging flood threatens you, I will lift you high, and you will see my glory, for the day of the Redeemer has come."

Did those words speak to you?  Read it again.  What does it speak to your heart?  Some of you will shrug and click off this blog because you don't want to look at your life and possibly change things the way the are.  Others will perhaps give it a thought and ask yourself  how this means to you.  Do you not feel His protection fall upon you?  His love waiting to guide your steps wherever you go?  How does it feel to know that no matter what life throws at you, as my friend always says, "God's got this!"?

Whatever is going on..... it will not last forever.  I am hanging on to those words.  

What are you hanging on to?  His love is waiting to guide you, wherever you choose to go.  Follow Him.

Blessings!

It was short, sweet, and felt so good!

 Grateful - that's what I am.  I wrote yesterday about my need for some space and just being alone.  I was able to get a little bit of that yesterday.  And it felt so good, and I felt so refreshed.  It wasn't for a long time, mind you, but long enough for now.

I had my dermatologist appointment early yesterday morning and he decided to 'spoon' out a mole that had came back 'abnormal'.  It took maybe 5 minutes for that; 15 for the entire visit.  I thought it might take a bit longer, but it did not.  I debated on what to do when I got out.  I was fasting because I had to get labs done at 11AM so couldn't go grab a muffin somewhere.  I didn't want to just drive around.  So I took my time and drove back home.    But I was alone in my car for a little while.  God and I had a thankful conversation for His care of me.

I left a bit early for my lab work because I wasn't sure where it was, and also had hopes I could get in a little early.  I was getting hungry.  Again, I got to go alone, and found it and got inside about 25 minutes before my scheduled time.  They called me back before my time - took the blood - and sent me on my way.  I was in my car one minute before my appointment time.  Not bad.  But now what?  I was still alone, and enjoying the quiet and the peace about me.

Now what?  I needed to pick up prayer shawls so I called my friend and she wasn't home, but would be later that afternoon.  No problem.  I drove around the area just to see what was there.   I decided rather than waste gas I would just take my time and go back home again.  But I was hungry.  I did something I have not done in over 25 years.  Seriously.  I was started to feel nauseous from just coffee and not eating anything (for some reason - it usually doesn't affect me).  My throat was dry and was it feeling a little sore?  Decided that I needed a Shamrock Shake from McDonalds.  Now mind you, I do not do McDonalds.  Haven't in over 25 years.  I.Just.Don't.Do.McDonalds.  But I did yesterday.  I went inside, fulling intending to get shakes for hubby and I (because I was being nice), whenI realized it was lunchtime and ended up ordering the crispy chicken sandwich for him and the fish sandwich for me.  AND NO SHAKE!  I forgot the shake!!  But I did get a diet coke for me and Dr Pepper for him cause I got the meals.  I ate French Fries on the way home because of the nausea I felt.  By the time I got home I was ready for that fish sandwich!  Hubby was grateful I brought him food too. 

A couple hours later my friend text'd me that she was back home so I was able to get in my car - alone again!! - and drive to her house. Picked up a half dozen prayer shawls, chatted, then headed to the RV park once of my friends is at.  She had asked for a prayer shawl for her mother.  She met me at the clubhouse and I bet we stood there for 1/2 hour, just chatting about everything.  She chose the prayer shawl she wanted to send her mother and then I went on my way back home.  I took my time, and just relaxed in being alone.

It.felt.so.good.   Those of you who have that opportunity to be alone occasionally won't understand that statement.  When I was driving to the office I didn't have much of that issue either.  After all, I was alone driving 45 minutes to work, and sometimes an hour and a half getting back home.  Totally alone.  I could make a phone call, or I could just talk with God, or just be quiet.  I enjoyed my time being alone.  And God allowed me that opportunity to be alone yesterday, just for a short time, but long enough to feel refreshed.  It felt so good.

Jesus often left His disciples sleeping and arose early in the morning to go spend time with His Father.  He needed His alone time too.  We are not so unlike Jesus in that respect.  He loved being around people.  Most of us love being around people.  But there are those times when He wanted to be alone, and would walk away from the crowds, from His disciples, and just be alone with God.

We need that time too.  Alone.  By ourselves.  With our Heavenly Father.  You may, or may not, talk with Him; may not even think of Him.  But He is with you.  Sometimes in spite of you.

Yeah, I was alone yesterday in my car, but yet, I wasn't alone, for I knew God was with me.  I had peace about me and felt so relaxed and joyful again.  I enjoyed seeing other people for a short time, but having the opportunity to be quiet in my car was so nice.  I didn't have anyone asking me what was I thinking or any other questions.  There was peace.

You should try it sometime, if you don't already have some alone time.  Some do, being alone at home and doing things there.  Stop what you HAVE to get done, and just take a few minutes to sit down and just be still.  Be quiet  Quiet your mind; don't think about what you need to get done.  Just take 15 minutes for you.  So what if you fall asleep.  It's ok.  Rest. 

And when you get up, you will feel so refreshed and ready to start over.

It was a very good day.  Looking forward to my next one.

Blessings!

Taking today off..... maybe.... or maybe not....

 I'm in dire need of "alone" space.  It's hard to explain what that means.  Some of you will understand completely what I am saying, yet, others may be completely confused.  I am "alone" every morning as I spend my time with God (yes, God is with me in here, but that's not the 'alone' I am referring to).  I love this time with my Lord, which is why I get up at 4AM every morning (5AM on weekends) to spend my time with Him.  I cherish this time alone with my Lord.  This is His time.  Yes, I may fall asleep sometimes, but I'm still with Him.

But I need - perhaps "space" is the better word.  You may understand that word better.  Most of you have all the space you need so won't understand that comment.  So what in the world am I talking about?  Rather than just continuing to ramble, I will try to explain.

Here I go.  (whine)  I am in this house nearly day after day after day.... and never leave it, except for the occasional trip to the store, to a doctor visit, or out to dinner.  I rarely see anyone but hubby and Sheeba.  Last night we did have dinner with friends, and I see my daughter on Tuesday nights.  But other than that, I am rarely out of the house.  It's been a year now.  Actually, I can say OVER a year now since it was March 13 that I was sent home to work.  I 'live' in this bedroom 'office'.  I come in here to do my quiet time in my chair, then around 6:30 or so I move to the chair at the desk.  And in it I sit the rest of the until around 4PM.  Then after fixing dinner I sit on the couch.  Then I go to bed.  Do I hear b-o-r-e-d-o-m?

This is why I don't throw temper tantrums about retiring.  This is not living.  Without my income things would be much tighter financially so I would still be at home.  Granted, I have plenty of books to read, lots of yarn to make things, material to be creative with.  But I'm still NOT living the dream.  Another subject, another day.

I have an early doctor's appointment today with the dermatologist.  I had gone a couple weeks ago to do a screening.  I haven't had a real complete check up in over four years, since I left my medical doctor.  I've started going to specialists just to have things checked out.  Last year I started with the dermatologist visit because I do like being out in the sun and when I was growing up, I was always laying out in the sun burning and then tanning.  Last year they checked a mole and it was fine.  A couple weeks ago the dermatologist scraped a mole to have it checked and then I got the call it was 'abnormal' and he wants to do a little bit more digging with it.  My explanation of "I am abnormal" wasn't enough to change the fact I have to go back into the office and have it looked at again.  He froze a skin tag that was driving me crazy when I was there before and it finally fell off the other day.  That made me happy.  It was so annoying.  Anyway, that is first on my agenda (after signing in for work and checking messages) this morning.

However long that takes will determine what I will do next.  If I am in and out fairly quickly, I may call my massage place and see if my therapist is free and if I have time to drive over there for a quick massage.  If not, then I'll come back home and jump back on the computer for an hour or so before heading back out to get some labs done.  After that, I will probably, maybe, head back home.  Here is where I'm not sure what I'm going to do.

Part of me says come back and work... same routine as always.  I talked to one of my bosses yesterday and told her I was thinking of taking the day off with having the two medical appointments this morning... why not just take the afternoon off too.  But what would I do?  I don't want to take it off and just sit at home and crochet.  Or read. Or watch TV.  Nor do I want to work in the garage.  I don't need to go shopping.... there is nothing I need to buy, and don't need to waste money buying something I really don't need.  My boss told me if I wanted to just jump on the computer in between appointments and just check emails throughout the day, that was fine.  (I am exempt so won't be docked for my time off for appointments)   Or, if I wanted to, she was ok if I took the day off.  Again, if I took the afternoon off, what would I do that was different?

Absolutely nothing, really.  I still wouldn't have my 'space'.   And it isn't so much the space as it is the desire to live life is struggling to get out of me.  My joy in living wants to get out and live again.   This pandemic has been hard on everyone, for sure.  And I feel it too.  Living in prison (moreso than usual) causes the very life in you to be sucked out.  Enough of that......

Psalm 30:5 talks about mourning (sorrow) may come, but JOY will come in the morning.  The exact verse in the NIV is....  For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor for a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.

Another version says that 'weeping may last for the night, but JOY comes in the morning'.  I like the word rejoiceing better for it implies action.  And I choose rejoicing for I want my happiness to be an active verb, not a just the word JOY.  Although Joy is a great word as well.  It implies excitement and happiness.  But rejoicing brings about the dance, the active movement of a word.

The key to all this, I feel, is that one may (mourn) feel sorry for where they are in life; they may not be happy in their circumstances, they may even enjoy making everyone around them miserable as they are by being 'sorrowful' about something.... BUT.... God created us to LIVE life, not wallow in it.  Circumstances may be hard; they may be difficult.  But it is what we choose to do with it, what we choose to get out of it.   I can choose to do the same thing day after day after day..... and be sad about my circumstances.  OR I can choose to do something different and make my day a bit more exciting.

Ok, so my day today is going to be different.  I have a doctor appointment (get to see other people!!) then I have labs a couple hours later (I get to see more people!!)  but then what?  I still haven't decided to save a 'vacation or sick day' or work this afternoon.  I can still pop on and off the computer to see if there is anything critical.

Things happen like yesterday morning that has caused me to think I need to get out ALONE for awhile.  I don't need to be with someone, I need alone space.  And I need to be ok with that.  What happened yesterday?  This will make you laugh, and probably shake your head.

Hubby left very early yesterday for a men's Bible study... when I finished my quiet time in here the house was still dark so I turned on the light above the kitchen sink...took Sheeba out, fed her, etc.  I left the light on.  To me, no big deal - so I left the light over the sink on.  Then I came back in this room to work.  When hubby got home he came to my door and said "I know this will make you mad (when he starts it like that, I always get prepared for something I did wrong); I'm going to start charging you for electricity because you left the light on above the kitchen sink and in the hallway (I don't remember that one) and I've noticed you have been leaving lights on more and more lately."   SERIOUSLY?  That is a problem?  I probably turn it on when it is dark and go into the office and work - not thinking about the light.  But yesterday, it was because Sheeba was out and I wanted some light in the room should I need to go check on her.

So later that morning hubby goes out on the front courtyard with Sheeba.  Not a big deal, he does that frequently.  He plays with his phone while Sheeba gets some fresh air.   I needed some more water so I get up from my desk and walk to the kitchen, get my water, and heard the heat kick on.  As I walk by the front door, I realized that he had left the door open.  Sorry, I just had to do it.  I wrote a note and stuck on the door "wasting $$ leaving the door open when the heat is on".  I shut the door and came back to my room.  He came in a few minutes later and was furiously angry with me for doing that and said that he was 'airing out the house'.  So I just asked "it's ok to leave the front door open with the heat running, yet I can't leave a kitchen sink light on to see where I'm going?"  Needless to say, we didn't speak much after that.  I laughed at him and the more I laughed about it, the angrier he got.   We were speaking again by the time we went to dinner with my friends, but he will not let it go, I know.  

So this morning I'm flip flopping on taking the afternoon off and staying out of the house and just walking through JoAnn Fabrics or Michaels with no project in mind and doing mindless shopping.... or coming home and doing what?  I may end up doing both.  I haven't decided yet.  I just know I need some s-p-a-c-e.  Ever feel like that?  Sometimes we just need alone time.  It is my turn...just for a little while.... I need to find my 'joy in the morning'.

Guess I need to jump off and get ready for my doctor appointment - Oh JOY!

Have a blessed day!

I know I read it.... but where is it?

 Sometimes when I read my Bible I will also read (in my study Bible) the notes at the bottom of the page, the one that explains a little more clearly about what the scripture said.  Today I did that as I read both in Mark 11:15-19 and Luke 19:45-48.  I've read these scriptures numerous times before and read the notes below as well.  But something caught my eye this morning. Either it had never registered before, or I just never really 'saw' it.

This morning in my devotional I was reading about Jesus cleansing the temple.  You know, the time after He rode into Jerusalem on the back of a donkey colt, people waving the palms and singing "Hosanna to the King of Kings" and shouting praises.  Jesus goes to the temple that the outer courts are full of people buying and selling doves, pigeons, sheep for sacrifices, and what have you, at exhoribant rates so that the priests can make a profit.  Jesus gets angry and up-turns the tables of the merchants and money-changers and sets free the doves and sheep and money goes everywhere.

But what caught my eye in the reading this time is not that Jesus declared that His Father's house was to be a house of prayer for all nations, and that they had made it a den of thieves.  What caught my eye in the study notes was that the outer court was for the Gentiles to worship God, and with the priests and merchants making it a marketplace to make money, they had literally 'kicked the Gentiles' out of a place to worship God.  As I thought about that, I went back to read it again - and I still can't find it!  Where did I read that?  I mean, I know that the outer courts were for the Gentiles to come and pray to God because they were not allowed in the temple itself.  But I read in Mark 11:15-19 and Luke 19:45-48 this morning about the cleansing of the Temple by Jesus, and read the study notes at the bottom.... and now I can't find where it said that.

Why did that part stand out to me?  I'm not sure why.  Could it be that we often think that our churches are only for people who say they are 'Christians'?  That 'non-Christians' are not "allowed' to participate in certain things?  Did you know that Catholics forbid you to take communion from the priest if you are not Catholic?  I'm not sure if that is still in effect, but I remember going to the Catholic chuch with my brother and sister-in-laws several years ago.  I was observant (imagine that!) because I had not ever been in a Catholic service before and I had no idea of what to expect.  Then came the communion part.  I had heard that I couldn't receive it because I wasn't Catholic.  I wasn't sure what to do.  How would the priest know whether I was or not?  Would God whisper to the priest "not that one, she isn't Catholic".  But my sister-in-law leaned into me and said "when you get to the priest (as we had to form a line to go up to receive communion), when he hands you the communion wafer, just say "Amen" and take it and walk away."  If I recall, they had the goblet of wine and everyone drank from it, with the priest holding it wiping the rim after someone sipped it.  Not everyone would drink from it.  I certainly didn't.  But the thought of communion being withheld because you were not Catholic .... isn't that like a church service being denied you because you were non-Christian?  Food for thought.

Christ came, and died, for each one of us - whether we consider ourselves "Christian" or "non-Christian", God sent His Son, Jesus Christ, for me, and for you.   We can only go to the Father through Jesus Christ.  Jesus is our Intercessor, our Advocate, when we have a need.  When we seek Jesus through our prayers, He takes them to our Father in Heaven.  We have an Advocate constantly before our Father, interceeding on our behalf.

This Sunday is Palm Sunday.  I think we are going to attend in person a different church.  We know the pastor and his wife, have in fact, for years.  It's closer to us by about 15 minutes than our current church.  For some reason, hubby is real reluctant to go back to our current church.  I'm not sure if it is just the drive, or is it that we have talked for months now about something was missing.  We love the pastor and the people within this church, but in the three or so years we have attended, nothing is going on. I mean, even before the pandemic hit.  They are meeting in person again - usually outside unless too chilly, then in the lobby.  We went once when it started outside.  It was good to see people again, but we couldn't gather and talk; we had to stay apart from each other.  I can't quite put my finger on what it is, but perhaps it is the time to move on to another church.  When I told my little sister we were thinking of changes churches she went 'hallelujah"!  She has been wanting us to leave for some time because I have mentioned some of my frustrations of no connectivity.  Don't want to go into detail; it's not a big deal.  I'm just not content to go to church, sit and worship, hear the message, and leave.  I want more.  I want to learn more.  I want involvement.  I want to belong.  I did get to teach a class one time on Wednesday evenings, but ....

Easter is a little more than a week away.  Are you planning on attending a church service?  Watch it online?  I find it interesting that when I was growing up, the pastor always did the "Easter story" starting on Palm Sunday, talking about Jesus' triumphal entry into Jerusalem.  Then we would have "Maundy Thursday" in which we gathered and discussed the 'Last Supper' and Jesus washing the feet of His disciples.  And we likewise would wash each other's feet.  Then Good Friday, many businesses would allow their employees to leave work at noon so that they could attend church services at 3PM  (moreso Catholics than Christians would go).  Then Easter Sunday, sometimes there would be a sunrise service, and we would meet outside and walk into the church building for our Easter service, with a great celebration of Christ's resurrection.

That doesn't happen much anymore.  Pastors may make comment about it, Sunday School teachers will have the little ones make 'palm branches' in Sunday school class and wave them, trying to get them to understand the story.  And on Easter Sunday, the Sunday School teachers would show them how to make an 'empty' tomb, and tell the story.  Where is the celebration now?

Jesus died, and rose again, so that we can live with Him forever.  Do you believe that?  Do you believe that God sent His one and only Son, His beloved Son, to earth to live, to die, for you?  He did.  To become His, we confess our sins to Jesus, and ask for forgiveness.  Much like we do when we offend someone here now.  You yell at your spouse; before it goes on too long, do you not tell them 'I'm sorry. Please forgive me'?  That's all you have to do to be His.  

Why not start now, with Palm Sunday coming this week, with telling Jesus you are sorry that you have rejected Him in the past, and ask His forgiveness for that, for your sins.  When you come to Him with a broken and repentant heart, He will hear, and He will forgive.  Jesus looks at your heart, not at your words.  It doesn't take special words.  Come to Him with a broken and repentant heart, and He will look upon you, and will forgive you your sins.  All of them.

Why not plan to start this time of year off right with forgiveness and healing?  Take a moment and talk with Jesus.  He's sitting with you, waiting for you to speak.

Just call on His name.  Jesus.

I'm scheduled..... reluctantly....

 I had a prayer yesterday morning, a chat with God.  I've been troubled about this for a few months now, adamantly stating the answer is NO.  I am sure I have said it in my blogs many times.  The answer is NO.  No to what?  No to getting one of the COVID vaccines.  I don't want to get it.  I still don't want to get it.  I truly believe with all of my heart that if I do get COVID, God will either bring me through it, or will take me home.  Either way, it is a win-win.   So what's my problem if I truly believe that?

I'm scheduled to get the vaccine on Friday.  It was so hard to say yes.  I'm struggling internally about it.  I really am.  So many things, so many people, influence my decision.  Continuing reactions from having COVID from those I love who "caught" it.  Hearing of friends who have suffered with it.  Hearing of their friends that have died from COVID.  My heart is tender.... were they ready to meet Jesus?  Did it happen so quickly that they forgot to cry out?

When I hear of a loved one "catching COVID", I am immediately in constant prayer for that person.  I pray for healing, yes, but I also pray that their hearts will be drawn to the Lord during this time.  King David laid on his death bed and cried out to the Lord.  Are we all not as great as he?   I am thankful that the Lord hears my prayers (and the prayers of others) for my loved ones, and brings them through the virus.  Some still deal with issues from it.  I continue to pray for them, and I trust God that in His perfect timing, they will be healed.  But what if they aren't?  Perhaps then we need to ask God the inevitable question of.... why?  God can always take the bad and turn it into good.  Romans 8:28 says "for we know that in ALL things, God works for the good of those who love the Lord, and are called according to His purpose."  And we are all called to His purposes.

So I am internally struggling.  I prayed about it yesterday morning and said that if I am to get the vaccine, for whatever reason, I will get the phone call from the doctor's office to schedule it.  If I am NOT to get the vaccine, Lord, please let them miss my name; get distracted from the call.  I put it in His hands.  I didn't know what else to do.  So I put it in God's hands and asked Him.  Early afternoon yesterday, I received the call from the doctor's office, wanting to schedule me for Friday at 3PM.  She asked me if I was ready to get it now (as I had been called when hubby got his and I said NO).  I told her my answer was still NO, I didn't want it, but I would go ahead and schedule it.  She gave me my instructions on what to do in order to get the shot.  Park on this side of the building, call them and let them know I'm there, wait for the doctor to come out with the appointment sign, go in and get the vaccine.  One of the doctors walk you to the car and puts a big sign on your windshield with a 15 minute time on it from when you received the vaccine.  He watches and checks on you to make sure there are no reactions.  After 15 minutes, you can leave.

What is cool about the way they are doing this, they are making sure you are ok before you leave.  They do pretty much the same thing with the second shot.  They called hubby (who got the second shot last Friday) yesterday to check on him to see if he had any reactions.  He did not, other than he said arm had been a little sore that evening, and he got really tired Saturday afternoon and had to take a 2 hour nap.  

So what made me say "yes to the shot"?  Several people (my older sibling who said he couldn't bear it if he lost me to COVID (isn't that sweet)), friends at work who have received the vaccine and keep asking me to get it.  One of my bosses who is constantly asking me if I've gotten it yet, that she loves me too much to not push me to get it.  My favorite doctor at work (who delivered two of my grandchildren) who emailed me in capital letters "PLEASE GET THE VACCINE!!  It isn't about you, it's about your children, your grandchildren, your great-grandchildren.  Think of them."   He had me there.  Family is the love of my life, next to Jesus.

My other boss who has felt like I do, has given in and said that she will get the vaccine when it is only one shot - the Johnson & Johnson one.  I haven't heard of it being out here yet.  The shot hubby got, and I will get, is the Moderna.  My little sister and big brother got the Pfizer.  I know each one of us has a different body and different reactions.  My brother has gotten both shots and is doing fine - already planning vacations after staying home (and not even going out!) for this past year.  His entire family has received their vaccines.  My sister and her hubby get their second doses either this week or next.  The reaction on her husband may be interesting as he has multiple myeloma and still is not doing well.  Yes, I am concerned on what my body reactions will be.  But, I am healthy and strong, and I am trusting God to get me through this as well.  He is allowing me to get the vaccine, for whatever reason.

The final reason I gave in to get the vaccine is that an email from the CMO of my company stated, in part, "we will be looking at who has received the vaccine as to who will be coming back to the office in July."  Yes, the card that we get that states we have received the vaccine is to be sent to HR.  They have drawn people to send it in by telling them if they do so, they get $25 for getting the vaccine.  I may call their bluff to see what will happen and NOT turn the card in.   I am wondering if it will be like the flu vaccine..... it is mandatory we receive the flu vaccine every year and have proof of it... by a certain date... unless we have a religious or medical reason why we can't get it.  If we do not get the flu vaccine,, it is "voluntary termination" from our job.  That is why I read into the CMO's email like I did.  I am going to bet they are going to make it mandatory (especially if the virus kicks up again once we go back to the office) or 'voluntary termination' if we don't.   By this time it's like I may as well get it if I want to keep my job for awhile yet.  

For the record, hubby has not pressured me to receive the vaccine, although he did get it himself.  He has left that choice up to me, for which I am grateful.  I don't know of anyone else in our family who has received the vaccine.  Many have gotten COVID, but that doesn't make them immune from getting it again, but that is their choice.

Sometimes all we can do is pray.... Lord, please protect my children, my grandchildren, and my great-grandchildren and keep them all in the palm of Your hand.  For those who have dealt with COVID already, Lord, please bring healing and restoration in those areas of their body still affected.  Please give them the strength and endurance they need to get through this trial in their lives, Lord.  Help them, I pray.  May this time of endurance turn their thoughts to You, and how fragile their lives are.  May they, when You call their name, be ready to meet You face to face.  For those who just keep going as they are, O God, turn their hearts to You and keep Your angels standing guard about them. Bless them, O Lord, and keep them.  In Jesus' name, Amen.

Thanks be to God....

 I wasn't real sure about the message I was to give yesterday.  I mean, it was a good message, but I wasn't sure how it would go over.  Every congregation is different.  This one is more relaxed, I think.  I've done the same message before at this RV Park and the same one at the other RV Park further north - and got two different responses.  So, I wasn't sure how this one would go over.  But it did, and it is all God.    I don't know what made this message different, or what it was (other than God) that caused people to listen more intently, but based on the comments of people who came up to me afterwards (when they were told not to linger), it obviously hit something within them that they felt God's touch.

What was it about that would attract their attention?  How much we need Jesus - no matter what our age is.  That our Pride is what keeps us from humbling ourselves before God.  Pride will keep us from saying "I'm sorry".  Pride keeps us focused upon ourselves and what we have, and not on what was given to us by Jesus Christ., and that we should always glorify Him.  Proverbs 16:18 says "Pride goes before destruction, haughtiness before a fall". 

God often has to humble me, unfortunately.  He does it in subtle ways, usually.  Sometimes it is a bit more humbling than that.  It can be little things, like thinking I look good, high heels, nice new outfit, hair perfect, make-up done well.... and I can strut across the way..... thinking I look so good.... and I would fall down in my high heels.  Yes, that has happened.

God has also humbled me in other ways.   Ways that quickly identify I thought too much of myself.  It is those humbling circumstances that cause me to realize once again that it isn't about ME.  It IS all about Jesus.  I know other people who were humbled when God took away everything material from them, and they realized that if they put God first, they have all that they need.

Jesus loves for us to have nice things.  He loves for us to look good.  He loves to help us do things.  He loves for us to succeed and be successful.  

But it is when we don't thank Him for what He has given us; when we don't acknowledge that it is by His hand all things are possible; when we don't give Him the glory for the goodness He gives to us.... we become proud.  And that is sin.   Sin keeps us away from God.  It pushes Him to the sidelines of our lives and puts ourselves first.  Do you not know that with just a glance all can be taken from us?   

I have many things that I love dearly ... but I have to be careful on what place I give them.  Things of this earth will break, will fade, will go away.  It's the things of God that stay, are real, will never fade or go away.

There was a 73 year old man that a friend of mine lead to the Lord not long ago.  When my friend baptized him, this 73 year old man leaned into my friend and said, "why did I wait so long"?   So many years wasted of putting himself first, but at least here at the last of his life, he decided to put God first.

What would happen if today, you decided that you would put Jesus first?  Are you more afraid of what you would have to give up to follow Jesus?   He won't tell you to 'give up' anything.   You choose to give up whatever He lays on your heart.  It's not about you, and what you might lose.  It IS all about Jesus, and what you will gain.

There is a song that has the phrase..'peace like a river'.... Have you ever sat by the river and watched it flow, and felt such peace come upon you?   Most of us would be busy thinking about fishing, seeing a river or lake, but once that line is in the water, and we sit on the side, the peace that passeth all understanding flows over us.  Remember that feeling?  Peace, memories, hope, love... all these things come upon us.  Joy (especially when our bobber goes up and down and we pull in a big one!) . I miss fishing.  

One thing I do every time I preach; Before we leave the house I take the words I have typed out, and lay them down and give them to God.  I ask Him to use them for His glory alone.  I ask Him that if there is something there I shouldn't say, to cause me to miss them and not say them.  And if there is something I need to say, bring it to mind.  I give the entire message to Him to be glorified in.  It's not about me, I'm just the deliverer of the words.  

I often fall; but with God's help, I can get back up.  I run to Him and ask forgiveness (sometimes several times a day!) because I want to be completely His.  I'm not perfect, by any means.  I cannot point fingers at anyone, for my fingers also point back to me.

God is Lord of All.... and there is nothing that says any of this is 'mine'.  I'm trying to keep that mindset in getting rid of things as I go through boxes.  It is so very hard to let go of some things.  But I know that I cannot take it with me, I don't need it in Heaven.  And why should I burden others with the headache of getting rid of it.   Little by little, I release my grip on "things" that are of no value yet hang on to.  My "trash" is another person's treasure.  Why should I hang on to it when someone else can use it now.  (I have decided to give to the Salvation Army versus Goodwill (who makes a profit off everything for the CEO) or Savers (who gives to Big Brothers Big Sisters)   The Salvation Army helps people.... not make a profit.

My thoughts are rambling now, it seems.... thinking about the message yesterday (it got posted online yesterday so I was able to save it to listen to and critique later).  Can you imagine, one of the RV parks asked if we would be willing to post messages on You Tube this summer for their people.  I'm kind of like... naw... I don't want people to find me there.... but people need the Word, and God has called me to share it.  That in itself is humbling... what if someone I know finds me there?  What will they think?  And I have to remember, it's not about me.  It's all about Jesus.

Blessings!

A busy Sunday....

 I didn't sleep well last night, and apparently neither did hubby.  I woke up around 1AM I think and started my tossing and turning, trying to go back to sleep, saying in my mind, "not again!" I dozed some and woke up again a little after 2AM and realized I didn't hear hubby snoring or breathing.  I sat up and looked, and realized that he wasn't in bed.   I listened intently to determine where he was and could hear him snoring in another room.  Yep, he had gotten up and gone to his recliner.  I stayed in bed and tossed and turned even more, trying to go back to sleep.  But sleep eluded me andI finally just got up a bit before 4AM - on a Sunday morning.

I tried to go back to sleep in my chair, and I think I did doze some cause I had another stupid dream.  Not scary, but yet, scary.  I dreamt that I was sitting here in my chair and hubby came in to bring my coffee, and I couldn't get myself to wake up.  My arms were numb (you know how you feet or your arms get when pressure is on them continuously) and I couldn't lift them.  It was a weird dream and I'm grateful when I did wake up it wasn't happening.   Hubby work up about 5AM and brought me my coffee, and I was awake and fine, going over the message for today.

Yes, today and talk about Luke 23:39-43.  Pride is an awful thing, but most people would not have looked at this situation as prideful.  I didn't either, in the beginning.  Now you need to read it to understand that statement.  It's about Jesus hanging on the cross, with a thief on either side of him.  One thief scoffed at Him, the other humbled himself and said 'remember me'.  Which one would you have been?  Which one would you be now?

Immediately after the message there will be a memorial service for one of the people who has passed away.  I don't remember this man by name, but assume I will when I see a photo.  I know I've talked about this before, for forgive me if my rehash of it bores you.  I don't plan to do everything the 'secretary of the board' there told me to do.... I feel after sitting in church to hear a message, they aren't going to want to sit through another hour long process.  So I'm keeping it short.  I'm reading the scriptures the widow wants read, and talking a bit about a couple of the versus, and read the obituary.  That's about it cause they have also thrown in about 3 hymns to sing.  I was told to prepare a sermon, and I'm hoping that talking about the scriptures will be enough of a "sermon".  I'm not well experienced in this area of services, but want to do the best I can.  The only funeral I have done is my big brother's and it was hard, but I kept telling myself "it isn't about me, it's about Sammy".  And God got me through it, and he will get me through this one.

After that will head home and a friend is coming over for a little while.  It will be good to catch up with her after a few years of not seeing her except on facebook.  Once she leaves I will probably take another nap!

I did work in the garage yesterday afternoon and was about to get through several boxes - and found spaces in the wall cabinets to put more.  I want this area cleaned out for my treadmill.  Yes, I still have numerous boxes to go through (I still have too much clutter stuff!) and let things go.  I filled up three trash bags and three Salvation Army bags.  Yep, got rid of some things.  I'll work on it again next Saturday.  Today I'm resting.

One of the boxes I went through was albums.  I'm pretty sure I didn't take these before to have the kids go through for I think they would have grabbed several of these photos.    I took all the photos out of the albums and put in another box.  I tore up and through away photos that were just the back of the head (although I knew who it was) and just scenery of where we had been.  Sea World photos that had the dolphin in it - it's not the same as being there.  No one will take those photos so I threw them away.  Found numerous photos of former neighbors and other people that I can not even remember their names or why I took that photo.  Yeah, I decided that if I couldn't remember, and it wasn't family I knew, my children would probably pass on the photos too.  Many photos in a couple of the albums were apparently from mother's cache of photos - yeah, a lot were of the stays in Florida for the winter with all their friends.  I have no clue who any of these people are so trashed those as well.  I elminated a lot of photos by going through them myself.  Eventually will get all these photos to those who want them.  My granddaughter said that any that no one wants, she will take them and scan to keep for future generations.  I apperciate that.  Every photo is a product of our past.  It will touch or bring a memory to someone.  

I found some baby photos of my daughter's daughter.... (and many more of my son's daughter - after all, she is my first grandchild and we always have more photos of the first child/grandchild!)......  she looked just like our great-granddaughter does now!  Spitting image of her.    I also found photos of my son's daughter (my first grandchild) and they look just like her daughter!   Those are fun photos I found.

After about six hours in the garage yestrday I called it quits.  I had Alexa playing praise and worship songs and I was singing along with her.  Got interrupted a few times by hubby, wanting to fix me lunch or wanting me to take a break (I said no).  I had to keep going cause I knew when I stopped, I still had to put everything back away.  I had set up a table to work off of.  No chair, so was on my feet all this time and was wearty by about 5PM.  But I feel I got a lot done - even with putting boxes in the cabinets.

Hope you find a church to listen to this morning.   Jentezen Franklin comes live in about 4 minutes (6AM) and again at 9AM MT.  Take a listen.  You will be glad you did.  I dare you to take an hour of your day and listen to him.  Will you take my dare?  Or find Dr. David Jeremiah or even Pastor Steve Chiles @ Shartel Church.  Dr. Charles Swindoll is another great pastor.  We have several great pastors out there - I hope you take the time to listen to one.  Take my dare?

Need to go over the message again and then start getting ready to go and get started on the day.  Looking forward to just sitting back and reading and/or crocheting this afternoon.  Just being lazy.  Unless we go out to dinner.  

Whatever you do today - make today count!

Blessings!

What in the world....

 We went to bed last night at our usual time... and around midnight I woke up.  I tried to go back to sleep.  Didn't specifically have anything on my mind so am not sure why I woke up.  Laid there tossing and turning, listening to hubby with his sleep apnea going on.  I keep reminding him to talk to the doctor about it.  Maybe he will this next visit as I will tell him about 'not breathing' for several seconds again.  I finally got up about 1:30AM and here I still am at 3AM.  I've read my devotions, my Bible, and spent time going over the message and the memorial service for Sunday.  I'm starting to get sleepy again, but thought I'd go ahead and write this before turning off my light and settling down in the chair and try to fall asleep before hubby wakes up.  I don't now why I woke up..... my boys come to mind when I do and see the time... so I do offer up prayers for them specifically.

Hubby got his second vaccine shot yesterday.  He was fine during the day and last evening.  He mentioned that he felt really tired last night, mentioned he felt warm (but even I was warm so it could just be the temperature of the room).  The doctor told him yesterday that today will be when things will affect him.  He may feel very tired and worn out.  He may have aches and pains.  He was told to take a tylenol and sleep.  It's ok.  I hope he comes through it ok, cause I'm watching!  The doctor's office told him they would call me on Monday to schedule MY first shot.  I'm still struggling with it.  I've said often, "if I get COVID it is because God allowed it, and if He allowed it, He will either get me through it, or He will take me home."  I still believe that.  I believe that with any disease or sickness that could come up on me.  I'm in His hands, and He can do with me whatever He wants.   This vaccine is a thorn in my side.  But I will do it for my children, for my grandchildren, for my great-grandchildren.  I will do anything for them, and if taking this vaccine will keep me from having it (and not knowing it) and then passing it on to them, I prefer to take it.  

I've had several family members who have already had COVID... my daughter-in-law first (thanks to her job) and she still deals with reactions from the virus.  My daughter, son-in-law and grandson had it, I believe my daughter still deals with some of the reactions of the virus; don't know about the other two.  And most recently, my youngest son, his wife, and his stepson had it, with all testing negative yesterday.  She has been sick for three weeks now; the son and stepson only a couple weeks.  Each person is affected differently, and each person rebounds differently.  I pray that I don't get it.  1) I don't like being sick.  2)  I don't like being kept away from everyone.  3) Repeat #1.   Sigh.   None have received the vaccine, and I don't know that any of them will.   If I wasn't "old", I'm sure no one would care if I got the vaccine or not.  It ages me, and that brings me great angst.  I don't feel "old" nor do I want to "be" old.

Today I hope to get out in the garage and get some of the boxes cleaned out.  I have a box of old photo albums that I am going to go through and pull all the photos out of and put in one box for the children to go through.  I doubt if I can pull them all together again so may just distribute the boxes and shift them around and say 'go through these and keep what you want'.  That will empty a couple boxes out there.  

Then I'll get my treadmill back and set my weight bench up and hopefully get my butt out there to exercise.  I desperately need it.  It seems I am allergic to exercise... every time I plan an exercise program, I get sick.  Seriously.  Maybe I better reconsider the vaccine.  Maybe I need to just quit thinking about it.  My life is in God's hands, predetermined, so it doesn't matter whether or not I get the vaccine, it doesn't matter if I walk in the midst of the virus or not, my life is in God's hands and it is His choice when to take me home.  I just want to have everything cleaned up so that my children don't have to deal with clutter around my house.  To clean my house I have to have the strength to keep at it.  I need to be healthy.

I finished reading a book last night on Optimal Health.  This doctor shares about our choices of food/drink and how it affects our bodies.  It was an interesting book.  I had hoped for more information than I received from the book, but I know what to do, it is just I want the confirmation I know what to do.  Cut out pasta.  Cut out a LOT of meat.  Cut out my breads.  Eat more vegetables and fruit.  Stop snacking between meals.  It doesn't matter I still have kit kat and peanut butter cups in the big dish - leave them alone and quit indulging!  Cut out the sodas (although I generally drink 'sugar free', we know they really aren't.  Things I enjoy, are the very things that have given me this fat belly and butt.  If I want to lose it, I have to participate in my health choices.

I've seen photos in the various groups I'm in of men and women - young ones even - being so overweight they are using canes to just move around.  It is amazing to see them make life-changing decisions on their lives and within six months or so, have dropped over 100 pounds and are feeling better than they ever have.  Why?

Because a lot of the foods we eat cause inflamation in our bodies.  I think of my older sister.  If she would quit eating all the junk food she eats and start fixing herself healthy meals, I truly believe she can bring her arthritis to a liveable level instead of relying on heavy medication and sleeping all the time.  The medication has weakened her body and her mind.  She lies to me, she lies to our little sister, she lies to our brother.  I've caught her in the lies and confront her... but she of course denies it.  She will tell me one thing, our sister another, and our brother yet another version of her story.  Anyway, I have gotten off subject.   I feel if she would eat right, she would feel like living again, with a lot less pain.

I am not in pain, thank You, Lord.  I do get tired, but not weary, as a rule.  I am thankful every day that God has taken care of me through thick and thin.   I haven't always eaten right, but I do want to learn more about not eating foods that cause inflamation in the body.  I want to run again.  I want to live again.

Father, please help me in my weaknesses.  I feel like I fail all the time with my life.  I make the wrong choices so many times, even when I've asked for Your help, You still allow me to make my own choices.  In the matter of food, would You please help me to cut back on my eating and choose foods that are good and healthy for me, and not so much of the things that are not?  I know it's ok to have those on occasion, as a special treat, but I need to give them up for longer periods of time.  Lord, would You please help me?  Thank You that I have You to lean on, when no one else cares.  I care, and that is what matters... and You care, and that matters even more.  Bless me, Lord, with favor and help.  Thank You.  Amen.

If you are struggling in an area and need some help in it - whether food, habits, or anything else - call on Jesus.  He will always be there to help you, but He won't interfere in your life unless you give Him permission to.  Personally, I would rather Jesus lead and guide my life, than me.  I mess it up too bad.

Call on Jesus.   He loves you, and is waiting on you to ask for HIs help in whatever you need.

Blessings.

I was not ok....

 I had a dentist appointment yesterday at 1PM.  First, it was a normal cleaning.  It was that time.  No big deal.  Remember the issue with my tooth and the endodontist and the root canal?  Well, it was time also to have the temporary filling removed and a temporary crown put on it.  I thought it would take perhaps an hour.  That is what I had allowed time-wise from work.  Was I ever wrong.  

I didn't eat lunch before I went because I hadn't really been hungry, but my stomach sure was growling during the entire time I was there!  After the cleaning I was taken into another room for the temporary crown.  Like I said, I arrived at 1PM for my cleaning.... which always leaves me with a bad headache when I leave.  So here I am, and I'm moved into another room and they begin the process..... the shot, the numbing, the ... well, you know the process.  It was nearly 4PM (which means I wasn't working for 3 hours) before they finished.  I got the instructions, come back in two weeks and we'll put the permanent crown on, and be careful not to eat corn nuts (do people still eat those?) and things that will crack the temporary.  Oh, and when you come back, we'll go ahead and remove the root of the tooth that broke off on the other side.  We could add an implant (I veto'd that immediately cause I knew it was expensive)... well, we can remove the root and the part of the tooth still sticking up.

I got up, feeling so weak I could hardly walk and had to run my hand along the wall to steady myself.  I can't do dentists for a long time, it wearies me so.  I get up to the front desk and she gets me scheduled for two weeks out and then turns around and says, "for today, it will be 1162."  I look at her and ask, $11.62?  Now mind you, I'm expecting $300-$500 which I thought would be my part of the crown expense.  "No, $1,162.00".   I kid you not, I was so surprised, so weary of being in the chair for three hours, I burst into tears.  I didn't know what to say.  I was overwhelmed.

Of course that caused the front desk to get flustered and she whispered to me, "you can pay half now and half later", and then "why don't you just pay what you can now and we'll schedule the rest".  I kept shaking my head no, I would pay it all, I was just so surprised at the amount that I was overwhelmed.  I pulled out a credit card to pay the bill in full.  I have managed to save some money in my savings so will transfer it to checking and pay the credit card.  I have the money.  I just wasn't planning on spending it this way.  I also told her that when I come back, only the permanent crown will be put on, I do not want them to do anything to the broken tooth.  It doesn't bother me, it isn't infected.  It's just annoying to have pieces of the tooth sticking up.  I'm not going to deal with it now and have that expense.  I just refuse to.

Hubby took one look at my face when I walked in the door, and thoughtful that he is, suggested we go out to dinner rather than me cooking.  I could have fixed dinner (great distraction) but decided to let him 'take me out to dinner'. I didn't care.  By then I wasn't hungry.  But we went to a place close by and I ate and felt better.  Didn't remove my distress over the day, but my body felt better.  Today the tooth area is throbbing but only because of being moved around, I'm sure.  After all, the root canal killed the nerves of the tooth.  I am so over dentists.  I.just.can't.....

I feel exhausted this morning; awoke around 10:30PM and then struggled to get back to sleep.  I have decided to go ahead and get the vaccine, although I don't want to.  Peer pressure, for sure.  My doctor friend from work, my boss, my siblings - are begging me to get it - not for myself, but to protect others - protect my grandchildren.  They know they have me there.  I would do anything for my grandchildren.  I laid awake and struggled with it.... I don't feel it is safe.  I get an email from our chief medical officer (sent to all employees) who has often been in the news talking about the importance of getting the vaccine.... in the email she says that they will be looking at who has received the vaccine on who will be coming back into the office in July.....  when we get the vaccine and get the card, we have to send a copy of the card to HR for recording in our files.  Just like the flu vaccine is mandatory for us each year, it feels like this is becoming mandatory although they have said it is not.   At this time, anyway.  I feel like I'm being 'tracked' and monitored.  I have to go back into the office due to my job position.  I haven't been given the choice for I think I would stay home and save gas and hours on the road.  But hubby still will not let me retire so I continue to work.   And people wonder why we don't get along....

I'm grateful that God has helped me through the dentist visit yesterday.  Yes, I was overwhelmed, burst into tears over the expense.... but it is I don't like spending that kind of money ... let alone on myself.  It isn't about the dentist so much as it is the money.  But God has provided it in my savings account so I can pay the bill, for which I am grateful (did hubby offer to help out of our joint account?  Heck no).  I can pay it; it just shows I don't need......

Hubby took Sheeba to the vet yesterday.  She has been licking her front paw for a couple weeks again.  This happened a few months ago as well and a trip to the vet.   Well, the diagnosis is that she has an allergy (of which we do not know) and all four of her paws are red in between the paw pads.  We thought that was from the licking.  So, $200 later, got a shot, an exam... and by the way, she now weighs 119 pounds so is to be put on a diet....which changed her dog food to a "diet dog food" which was $65 at the vet office.  They want her to lose 19 pounds because she is two now, and as she ages, the weight will be too much for her back and hips.

I guess we are both a mess - Sheeba and me!

But God will take care of both of us.  I could lose some weight too so maybe I should put myself on a diet.  I should.....  but I love to cook and I love food..... 

Today I ask for God to give me the strength to get through the next few days.  I have a day of work today, want to clean out the garage tomorrow, preach on Sunday morning at the RV Park, and immediately after do a memorial service.  I need His strength, His comfort, His peace to get through this weekend.  How about you?  How are YOU doing with life?

Ask God for His help.... you know He is just waiting on you to ask Him for help.  I'm asking...

Blessings!

Death happens......and then what?

 My little sister has come up with this idea... and I may have mentioned it the other day.... she is really serious about it, but me, not so much.  I mean, I just don't care.  When I die, I am dead.  I plan to outlive her so her whole idea is insane.  Useless.  But in the meantime, I will humor her.  What is this idea?  I'll get to it in a moment.  

When I die, I have requested (especially due to cost and I don't want my children to bear the cost of anything) that I be cremated, and then my ashes spread out in the desert.  I am pretty sure my children don't want the responsibility of "having to run by the cemetery to "visit" mom.  I'm saving them that.  I know they visit their dad's gravesite when they go to Indiana - as they should.  And if I should ever get the opportunity to visit it, I will too.  For my own reasons.   Hubby and I had bought plots many years ago, but our finances were so bad we 'lost' them for non-payment.   It was a very difficult time.

Yes, I enjoy walking through the older cemeteries and reading the headstones.  Behind Pleasant Hill Church in a small town in Tennessee, there is a cemetery that contains many of my relatives.  Most if not all I had never met, but I could walk through and say that is my great, great....   Some headstones tell stories of who that person was.  Others just say they existed.

But I decided that financially, I would be cremated and my ashes spread out in the desert.  My soul would not be there anyway.  I'm not trying to make light of this - for it is a serious time.  I hope my family will grieve at my loss, but I will be gaining heaven so it should be a celebration.

Anyway - back to my little sister.  We are close...at least at this time.  We've had our moments of discontent with each other.  I wonder about her thinking sometimes, and she doesn't understand mine.  I'm ok with her idea; the problem may be getting my hubby and children to buy into it if they are here when I die.  My little sister thinks I will go before her... and I very well may.... no one can pinpoint when they will die.  But I am afraid it will be the other way around.  After all, I've asked God to let me live to 100, and then take me home quietly in my sleep.  But only if He will allow me to be healthy and able to enjoy life to the fullest to the very end.  If I am going to be sickly, then please take me home.

My little sister has come up with the idea that because I have asked to be cremated that half of my ashes be put in a separate urn and sent to her.  She has bought several burial plots in her area and she wants my urn to be buried in her plot.  When she dies, she plans to be cremated as well, and two urns can be in one plot, so that we will 'always be together'.  But she also mentioned that she wants me there because she needs me to talk to.  She wants to visit the gravesite and talk to me.  She plans to buy a headstone with our names on it.  Beloved sisters, Best friends... or something like that.  Very touching to be sure. I have no idea how she came up with that idea, and I'm ok with it.  The good point of something like that is that a headstone would show that I existed.

The rest of my ashes I laugh and say to scatter them out in the desert.  Mainly because I don't want anyone to bear the expense of a burial plot or anything else.  Yes, I am worth it, but it is unnecessary.  Like my daughter-in-law and family did with her parents, scatter me on the mountain... that I may fly upon the wind.  

Is this morbid talk this morning?  Doesn't mean to be.  It's just something that has come up in the last day or so conversations with my sister and it is in my thoughts. Last night she was sending me photos of urns and wanting me to choose one.  I don't want to spend a lot of money (yes, I'm cheap) so kept vetoing a few she chose.  Finally I told her she is rushing me.  I don't plan to die any time soon (although I could), and I needed time to process what she was wanting to do.  I offended her some for she didn't understand why I wasn't as excited about her idea as she was.  It's a fun idea and a thoughtful one.  I am probably her best friend and we share more things with each other that would not be shared with others.  We've endured a lot of the same things growing up so we even 'bond' in that.  We encourage each other, we easily find an hour or more to talk almost every day.  We get mad at each other.  You may remember a scourging I got from her on my blog back in 2013.  She does have a sharp tongue.  Very sharp.  And I get the brunt of it many times.  But life goes on.  I don't hang on to it.

I will type out a paper at some time and add it to my will that this would be my request.  When 'I get older' I may discuss it with my children.  I casually mentioned it to hubby last night, pretty sure of the response I would get.  Oh yeah, I wasn't disappointed.  He is terrified of his own death, and even more terrified that I will die before him.  He was NOT happy with what my little sister had requested, and even LESS happy that I was agreeable to it.  He mouthed something and I don't remember what it was... I shut him out because I knew it wasn't going to be pretty.  He is so possessive of me, that if I die before him, it would not surprise me that he will not honor my request to even be spread out in the desert.  I don't know what he would do with me, but he will be a mess.  I guess here I should say "warning! warning! warning!"  He is so attached to me that ... well.... lets just say fear is an ugly thing.

I don't care what happens to my body once I die.  But the thing I must care about is what happens before that time.  After all, whatever I do is going to determine where I will end up.  Read Revelations and you know what Hell will be like.  I like being warm, but I think even that will be too warm for me.  I don't want to go there.   

When our mother passed away, I was enroute to that city to see her.  My little sister was with her and as mother breathed her last, my little sister asked her if Heaven was as beautiful as everyone says it is.  A word came to her mind quickly - "Oh yes!"   I had a dream one time of Mother walking, holding two little girls hands (mine and my little sister).  Mother was young, probably in her 30's.  We were walking into a bright light through a wheat field. And we were happy.  Peaceful.

How I long to see each of my children and grandchildren in Heaven.... but it has to be their choice.  Just like I had to choose for myself.  Heaven or Hell.  With those I love in a joyful, peaceful setting, worshiping and praising the One who created us.  Or in constant torment with the one who hates us and wants us to suffer forever.  It's not a tough call.   We all can change.  But God has given us free will to make our own choices.  

I choose Heaven over Hell, and I hope you do too.  Think about it.  

Blessings!