We went to bed last night at our usual time... and around midnight I woke up. I tried to go back to sleep. Didn't specifically have anything on my mind so am not sure why I woke up. Laid there tossing and turning, listening to hubby with his sleep apnea going on. I keep reminding him to talk to the doctor about it. Maybe he will this next visit as I will tell him about 'not breathing' for several seconds again. I finally got up about 1:30AM and here I still am at 3AM. I've read my devotions, my Bible, and spent time going over the message and the memorial service for Sunday. I'm starting to get sleepy again, but thought I'd go ahead and write this before turning off my light and settling down in the chair and try to fall asleep before hubby wakes up. I don't now why I woke up..... my boys come to mind when I do and see the time... so I do offer up prayers for them specifically.
Hubby got his second vaccine shot yesterday. He was fine during the day and last evening. He mentioned that he felt really tired last night, mentioned he felt warm (but even I was warm so it could just be the temperature of the room). The doctor told him yesterday that today will be when things will affect him. He may feel very tired and worn out. He may have aches and pains. He was told to take a tylenol and sleep. It's ok. I hope he comes through it ok, cause I'm watching! The doctor's office told him they would call me on Monday to schedule MY first shot. I'm still struggling with it. I've said often, "if I get COVID it is because God allowed it, and if He allowed it, He will either get me through it, or He will take me home." I still believe that. I believe that with any disease or sickness that could come up on me. I'm in His hands, and He can do with me whatever He wants. This vaccine is a thorn in my side. But I will do it for my children, for my grandchildren, for my great-grandchildren. I will do anything for them, and if taking this vaccine will keep me from having it (and not knowing it) and then passing it on to them, I prefer to take it.
I've had several family members who have already had COVID... my daughter-in-law first (thanks to her job) and she still deals with reactions from the virus. My daughter, son-in-law and grandson had it, I believe my daughter still deals with some of the reactions of the virus; don't know about the other two. And most recently, my youngest son, his wife, and his stepson had it, with all testing negative yesterday. She has been sick for three weeks now; the son and stepson only a couple weeks. Each person is affected differently, and each person rebounds differently. I pray that I don't get it. 1) I don't like being sick. 2) I don't like being kept away from everyone. 3) Repeat #1. Sigh. None have received the vaccine, and I don't know that any of them will. If I wasn't "old", I'm sure no one would care if I got the vaccine or not. It ages me, and that brings me great angst. I don't feel "old" nor do I want to "be" old.
Today I hope to get out in the garage and get some of the boxes cleaned out. I have a box of old photo albums that I am going to go through and pull all the photos out of and put in one box for the children to go through. I doubt if I can pull them all together again so may just distribute the boxes and shift them around and say 'go through these and keep what you want'. That will empty a couple boxes out there.
Then I'll get my treadmill back and set my weight bench up and hopefully get my butt out there to exercise. I desperately need it. It seems I am allergic to exercise... every time I plan an exercise program, I get sick. Seriously. Maybe I better reconsider the vaccine. Maybe I need to just quit thinking about it. My life is in God's hands, predetermined, so it doesn't matter whether or not I get the vaccine, it doesn't matter if I walk in the midst of the virus or not, my life is in God's hands and it is His choice when to take me home. I just want to have everything cleaned up so that my children don't have to deal with clutter around my house. To clean my house I have to have the strength to keep at it. I need to be healthy.
I finished reading a book last night on Optimal Health. This doctor shares about our choices of food/drink and how it affects our bodies. It was an interesting book. I had hoped for more information than I received from the book, but I know what to do, it is just I want the confirmation I know what to do. Cut out pasta. Cut out a LOT of meat. Cut out my breads. Eat more vegetables and fruit. Stop snacking between meals. It doesn't matter I still have kit kat and peanut butter cups in the big dish - leave them alone and quit indulging! Cut out the sodas (although I generally drink 'sugar free', we know they really aren't. Things I enjoy, are the very things that have given me this fat belly and butt. If I want to lose it, I have to participate in my health choices.
I've seen photos in the various groups I'm in of men and women - young ones even - being so overweight they are using canes to just move around. It is amazing to see them make life-changing decisions on their lives and within six months or so, have dropped over 100 pounds and are feeling better than they ever have. Why?
Because a lot of the foods we eat cause inflamation in our bodies. I think of my older sister. If she would quit eating all the junk food she eats and start fixing herself healthy meals, I truly believe she can bring her arthritis to a liveable level instead of relying on heavy medication and sleeping all the time. The medication has weakened her body and her mind. She lies to me, she lies to our little sister, she lies to our brother. I've caught her in the lies and confront her... but she of course denies it. She will tell me one thing, our sister another, and our brother yet another version of her story. Anyway, I have gotten off subject. I feel if she would eat right, she would feel like living again, with a lot less pain.
I am not in pain, thank You, Lord. I do get tired, but not weary, as a rule. I am thankful every day that God has taken care of me through thick and thin. I haven't always eaten right, but I do want to learn more about not eating foods that cause inflamation in the body. I want to run again. I want to live again.
Father, please help me in my weaknesses. I feel like I fail all the time with my life. I make the wrong choices so many times, even when I've asked for Your help, You still allow me to make my own choices. In the matter of food, would You please help me to cut back on my eating and choose foods that are good and healthy for me, and not so much of the things that are not? I know it's ok to have those on occasion, as a special treat, but I need to give them up for longer periods of time. Lord, would You please help me? Thank You that I have You to lean on, when no one else cares. I care, and that is what matters... and You care, and that matters even more. Bless me, Lord, with favor and help. Thank You. Amen.
If you are struggling in an area and need some help in it - whether food, habits, or anything else - call on Jesus. He will always be there to help you, but He won't interfere in your life unless you give Him permission to. Personally, I would rather Jesus lead and guide my life, than me. I mess it up too bad.
Call on Jesus. He loves you, and is waiting on you to ask for HIs help in whatever you need.
Blessings.
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