It was something we hadn't expected....

 I went with hubby yesterday to the oncologist office. Before he came in, hubby kept going over with me what he needed to say to get the PET scan.  But the tables got turned on us.  The oncologist looked at his last blood tests from last week, and said "all your numbers are back in the normal range. You don't need a PET scan."  Wait, what?  He tried to show us on the screen, but numbers are small and it wasn't on the numbers I really wanted to see.  He asked what hubby had been doing - nothing but drinking 50 ounces of water a day.  The oncologist said he didn't know what changed the numbers, but it could be his organs were dehydrated and causing the numbers to be off the charts.  But I/we looked at him and said, "No, it is the answer to prayers."  Of course the response we got from that doctor was something like "well, yeah, maybe".  He was the nicest he has been since I have met him.  I think this was the third time.  As we left, they were supposed to give us a copy of the labs - but the girl got confused I think, and just gave hubby the lab request for his next appointment in January.  That wasn't what we were to get - or in addition to. I got frustrated at hubby; he didn't say anything about it.  Later in the day I asked to see the tests, for I wanted to compare numbers with the last two reports I have.  He said it was on his desk - so I went to get it - and realized (as he had) that the lab report wasn't there.  I was dumbfounded.  I asked him why didn't he get in his car and go back to get them?  He was taking the oncologist's word that 'everything was fine' when he only takes care of the prostate! What about the liver and kidneys?  I want to see those numbers! Hubby finally said that he will go over there this morning and ask for them to be printed as he gets something else done and then goes to visit a friend.  Men.  I would have been all over that and gotten right back in the car and gotten them!

Morgan wasn't 'nice' to me last night and really worked my legs - even though I told her I was sore from the walk I did the day before - and had gotten over 13k miles.  She made me push through - including lunges in the last 3 minutes of her time with me. I kept telling her we could 'talk' that last three minutes, but she made me do lunges.  Oh well, I did them.  And my legs are telling me I did as well this morning.  I have core on Wednesday so I need to do 'something' today to keep the body limber.

Talked to my youngest last night; they were staying on an Army base in Brooklyn and then will be taking a cab into New York City Madison Square this morning. They will look at things all around there, and take a cab back to the base. Because of the excess walking they will be doing today, they are staying an extra night in Brooklyn before starting out tomorrow morning and heading to... I forget, one of them is Washington DC, Virginia.... and I forget where else he wants to go through tomorrow.  Sure will be glad when he is back home; I don't mind him being going and enjoying it all, but I don't like any of my children that far away from me that if something happened I couldn't get to them. 

Psalm 40:8 (NKJV):  I delight to do Your will, O my God, and Your law is within my heart.

Can you honestly say that?  I think I can.  I do love to do the things that I know God wants me to do.  I know the things I should do. But, alas, many times I choose to do things MY way, instead of letting Him lead me.  My guess is that you do that as well.  We think we know so much better, that many times we do not even pause to ask God, "What is Your will in this matter?"  When things come upon us, and we don't know what to do, do we second-guess ourselves instead of pausing and asking God to direct us and lead us where He wants us to go?  To get the advice He wants us to get?  To make a second or even third phone call to get the result that is needed/wanted?  There is one thing that I have read recently that has stuck with me.  I know it to be true.

God will never take you to a place that He will not lead you through it.

With hubby's diagnoses these past couple of months and the uncertainty of what is going on within his body - it was just BOOM! your kidneys and liver numbers are off the chart!  That can scare anyone because we had no knowledge of why or how.  So what did that do to us?  Did we sink into depression and worry?  Well, there was 'concern', don't get me wrong.  But we did the only thing we knew to do.  We prayed and asked God to intervene.  Would He?  We didn't know, but we trusted Him enough to ask Him to get us through this.  And He has.  Could we not have been told the full truth? Possibly.  Different doctors look at different things.  Hubby has an appointment on 10/29 with Dr. Mark and he will tell us exactly what the numbers are and what is going on.  But all in all, we were able to give a testimony to the oncologist of God's greatness and answers to prayer.  And we can also give it to Dr. Mark should he tell us the same thing, seeing all the numbers.

Sometimes God leads us through trials so that He can get our attention.  Sometimes people tend to blame God for whatever happens to them or their loved ones.  If things don't go the way you want them to - do you just deal with the issue - or do you blame God because things didn't go the way you wanted them to?

I tell you what!  I fear God more than I fear men.  God can do anything He wants to me and in me.  If He chooses to lead me through the valley of the shadow of death - so be it.  I know He will walk with me all the way, because He loves me.  As Paul says in the Bible, Philippians 1:21, For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.

For us here on earth, we are to honor, praise, glorify, and fear God. And yes, obey Him.  It's all part of it. It's even better when we surrender our lives to Him.  Let Jesus 'in', and kick the devil out of your life. The devil brings pain and death.  God brings joy and life.  Which would you choose.  To live for Him brings joy; to die to be with Him brings everlasting joy.  We always think we have time to make that last minute decision to turn to Jesus and ask for His forgiveness and grace. But it doesn't always happen that way.  I would rather choose Jesus now, and live for Him as best as I know how - than my final moment come and I be cast into hell because I didn't have time to seek Jesus.  Hell is a horrible place, eternal torment.  I choose Jesus, and heaven, cause I want Joy, not pain.  What's your choice?

Blessings!

That was really quick!

 I went for my DEXA scan yesterday morning.  Once there, I was questioned why I was having another one done because I just had one last year and they are usually two years apart.  They had no notes as to why I was having another one a year later.  I advised that I had read in my previous PCP's notes that he just wanted to see if the Fosamax was doing any good for me.  Was it helping my bones.  So I had it done about 10AM.  Didn't take long; zip zip a couple times and I was off the table and out the door.  It was just a few hours later that I got a notice I had a message in 'My Portal'.  I had earlier written another note to my new PCP about my prescriptions so I was hoping they were ordered.  My new PCP had written me a note that she had approved the DEXA scan, and had ordered my prescriptions.  I sent a note of apology for my nagging (I had sent 3 emails) cause I was concerned I'd run out of pills.  The DEXA scan I wasn't worried about.  She immediately wrote back that it was ok; she would rather I stay on top of it until she got it done than run out.  Oh - that was the one email.  Then, while we were chatting - she sent another - she got the results of my DEXA scan - within HOURS of my having it done!  Hips are 'stable' (whatever that means) and my spine has improved.  I didn't know anything was wrong with my spine, but glad it has improved!  I'm to keep taking the Fosamax weekly as scheduled.  We both ended with 'See you next year!'  I have no reason to see a doctor unless I'm sick in between my yearly physicals.  YAY for me!!

This morning I have a dentist appointment for my quarterly cleaning.  UGH I hate these.  But I do love my dentist and his hygienist.  After that, I think I am done with all doctors and dentists until my next quarterly cleaning.  I'm grateful that I'm healthy and I have been trying to better take care of myself.  Still don't eat quite as good as I should, but have tried to cut down how much of the bad stuff I DO eat.  

I didn't have to cook last night, although I did heat up a small bowl of chili for myself.  We had chili for lunch too.  Fixed both hubby and I a bowl of it, and a glass of milk.  It was soon after that he said his stomach was queasy and wondered if it was because he drank milk with the chili.  I dunno.  True, we don't always drink milk with a meal, but to me it sounded good.  My tummy was fine.  I'm not sure what he ate for dinner.... I think some pretzels.  After he turned the TV off, I was able to do some reading and I was focused on that.  

Confidentially..... I know that hubby is concerned about a friend of his who has 'developed' Alzheimer's.  This guy is one that is in his Tuesday night group.  It just seems like it is consuming his friend.  He's talked about his fear of it for several months as he had several close relatives, including brothers and parents, who had it.  His diagnosis has been positive for it and he has relinquished living, basically.  He has turned all his finances over to his wife to manage as he is afraid he will forget something.  All of this has concerned hubby.  For one, it is a long time friend and he is deteriorating in front of his eyes.  But I also wonder if there is not a nagging fear within himself of what changes he is going through.  His constant sitting and doing nothing; staring into space, dozing, or reading his phone (which he does constantly - I'm talking HOURS) concerns me.

Hubby goes next week I think to get the results of his last test.  It was another MRI.  I have been given instructions I am NOT to share anything with anyone.  And I haven't. Please keep this confidential.  I don't think he is right in keeping it to himself; people could be praying for him.  But he was that way as well when he first had this 'problem'.  So I'm going to share it.  But I'm told not to. All I've been able to do is pray about it and I must admit that since it is something that isn't seen, I don't always think about this one thing.  His PSA had moved up just a couple notches... perhaps I have shared this on here a few months ago... anyway... he has been going for tests... and I think this last test, the MRI, is to show if his body has been affected in any way.  Yes, I'm referring to the prostrate cancer.  He had radiation for it before and it took care of it and his PSA stayed like at .2.  This time it had gone to .4 I think it was, and he has been paranoid ever since.  The MRI was to check to see if it is truly back, and if it has spread to his bones or other parts of his body.  I know that is on his mind constantly and he worries about it - as if that will make any difference.  I suppose I would worry too if it was me, but I have learned over the years that I can do only certain things; have it checked out, do what the doctor says.  The rest is in God's hands, and I try to share that with hubby, to have confidence in God's ability to heal - and if He chooses not to, then dive deep into Him and let His peace come over you and help you in whatever is ahead.  I don't know what else to do.  

I know hubby feels alone much of the time.  His Tuesday morning Bible study started up this past week and I'm hoping that will help him as he will in a group with 10 other men.  He needs to make friends outside the few he has.  When he is with others, he seems to come alive more, but when he is alone, he withdraws into himself, into depression.  He will come stand at my door just to see another person.  If I should die first, he will be one of those men who die right after, for he won't know what to do.  

Romans 5:3-4 (NKJV):  And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulations produce perseverance; and perseverance, character, and character, hope."

And that's what I'm talking about.  If we go through things, we are to go through them and let them help us grow.  We learn from them about our character, and we gain much hope.  There is so much more to know and learn.... and be.... than to just give up and let whatever take over our lives.

Reminds me of one of my favorite songs.... On Christ Alone

"My hope is built on nothing less, than Jesus' blood and righteousness.  I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but wholly lean on Jesus' name.

On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand, all other ground is sinking sand.

When darkness veils His lovely face, I rest on His unchanging grace. In every high and stormy gale, my anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, His covenant, His blood, supports me in the 'whelming flood.  When all around my soul gives way, He then is all my hope and stay.

On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand, all other ground is sinking sand.

When He shall come with trumpet sound, oh may I then in Him be found. Dressed in His righteousness alone, faultless to stand before the throne.

On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand, all other ground is sinking sand."

So what do you do when the storms come against you? Haven't had any lately? Just wait, for they will come.  The enemy doesn't want you to trust in God...and he will do everything he can to bring you down.

Stand firm, keep believing in the One who believes in you.

Blessings!