and I'm hoping that today will be a Tuesday at least! So many meetings to schedule and very full calendars. So many things I had to complete this week. No wonder I'm so tired! Hubby comes in at 11AM-ish yesterday and asked to take me to lunch. I said no, I had to work through to get things done timely. So then he comes back about 3PM and asks if he can take me to dinner. Is he feeling guilty or is still clueless? I again had to tell him no because our neighbor's daughters are flying in from Florida and I need to be here to open up the house for them. He said he knew I was tired and didn't want me to have to fix dinner.
So.... why couldn't HE fix dinner? Why couldn't HE go get a take-out order and bring back? No - he prefers sit down dinners at a restaurant. We even fight over the fast-food places. I'm ok with fast-food. It's cheaper and I get my food fairly quickly, can eat, and leave, and no added 20% or more tip. Hubby, on the other hand, prefers going to a nice place for dinner where he can order a nice meal, have people wait on him, and leave tips. I try to save money (in most cases), and he likes to spend it. Which is another reason we have separate checking and savings accounts.
We went to bed last night at our usual time. As hubby climbs in, he says to me, "Let's pretend tomorrow is Saturday." I sorta scoffed and said "Every day is Saturday to you." I don't mind working, I really don't, although we can manage without my check. I would get a part-time job for spending money - plus it would get me OUT of the house for a few hours. I was raised on no money; I know how to tighten the belt. I know that God will always provide for us; He always has, and always will. I'm just not sure what the issue is on why hubby fights me so about quitting my job. Other than he won't have the freedom to do whatever he wants to do if I'm home and not working. But then, neither will I. He will truly 'own' me then. sigh. Then on the other hand, although I'm already here 24x7, the thought that I'd have to be in the same room most of the time and well... lets just leave it at that. I never in my wildest dreams imagined someone could live their life doing nothing. Enough said.
I was able to read a couple chapters in the book Atomic Habits again last night. I'm finding it very interesting. Still working on that 1% each day. Unfortunately it is sometimes in different areas. But, that's ok too - at least I'm doing something! I straighten up an area that needs it; I get on the trampoline or treadmill for 5-10 minutes; at least I am getting something - that little 1% accomplished. Part of it is lack of time to focus on something, but I have a feeling a majority of my problem isn't time, it's my 'want to'. I mean, I do want to get it done, but I want to do it myself. I don't want someone reminding me, not telling me, nor watching me.
Am I whining this morning? I don't mean to. I think it is just this tiredness of soul that I have had lately. I need to dive in a refreshing river somewhere. Metaphorically speaking. Had to look up that word to see if I used it correctly. Probably not. But you get the picture, I'm thinking.
The words from the 23rd Psalm came to me in the middle of the night - for whatever reason. "He leads me beside the still waters; He restores my soul."
Do you remember that part? Maybe I'll write the verses here for you:
Psalm 23:1-6 (NKJV): "The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; my cup runs over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."
So many times lately I have recited that scripture to myself, telling myself that 'God's got this!', because He does. I don't have to fear about the present, cause God's got this. I don't have to wonder about the future, cause God's got that too. I have nothing to fear, nothing to worry about. As long as I put God first, He's got my life in the palm of His hand. I can't change anything without His intervention.
And He has you in the palm of His hand as well. Open up your hand and let Him have what is troubling you. Let Him work on what is going through your mind. Trust Him to work things out for your good. He will, you know, if you will let Him.
Blessings!
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