Why awake at 3:30AM?

 I have no clue... and I may never know.  Didn't feel any alarms, so perhaps my body was just telling me I had slept enough - although we hadn't gone to bed until about 9:30PM.  Usually we are in bed by 8:30PM as you know.....  yes, I've already started my rambling.  Surely I can come up with something to say soon, right?

My daughter came over here last night for our 'girls night out'.  Got her to watch one of 'my' chick flicks on Up Faith and Family.  No violence; no sex scenes, no indecency, no cuss words.  A great movie.  I think she enjoyed it - and I know I did.  She commented that this will be our last Tuesday night together for awhile.  Yeah.... I had thought of that, but wasn't going to bring it up.  Not going to do guilt trips.  I will miss our times together.  But at least we can still facetime or talk on the phone.  It isn't like it was when I moved away from my mama.  We only had mail and telephone.  I know she will be coming back for visits - we only made it back to see my mama a few times.  Having Tuesday nights alone won't be a 'bad' thing.... I can chill, crochet, work on my diamond art, bake, watch movies - anything while hubby is gone to his bible study.  Perhaps I will even find someone to do a bible study with each week and start it up on Tuesday nights.  That would be good for me.

I made a couple cheeseballs last night for our bible study group tonight - they are coming to our house. Yes, I will close the door to this room; things are piling up on the bed again.  I just need to stop and find a place to put things.  Maybe I will take a break from work today and do just that.  Speaking of work; yesterday wasn't that bad.  I was busy, to say the least, but it wasn't overbearing.  Didn't have time to chat with Sue, but she did send me a quick message and said she hoped I had a good time off.  I 'left her hanging' by letting her know that some future things were discussed while I was off.  LOL  We have an 8AM meeting tomorrow morning for our 'ARC Review' - which means we go over everything I've done in 2025.  She always gives me a great review - exceeds expectations - and I appreciate that.  I don't know what I did this time that could 'exceed expectations' - but she remembers things I don't.  She says she writes down things as she finds out about them.  Plus I get a lot of MVP notes and each one that is sent to me, she gets a copy of.  These come from people that I've helped or worked with.  I send some out at times as well.

Anyway - it's our turn to host the bible study group.  Got the cheeseballs and crackers.  I want to run over to Sam's Club and pick up a veggie tray for anyone who is fasting using the Daniel Fast.  Just a few snacks to munch on before or after.  I wish I dared ask hubby to go get - but he wouldn't have a clue what to do. Plus I love the scan and go at Sam's Club.  I scan the bar code when I put it in my cart - and when I'm ready to leave, just mark it 'check out' - and it goes against my card and I get to walk out the door without standing in line.  Love it - absolutely love it!  Wish it worked at Walmart as well, but alas, it does not.

I've been beating myself up about not exercising while Morgan is on maternity leave.  Not sure of the exact date she is coming back, but I'm thinking February 9.  I've got all kinds of excuses on why I didn't exercise - but lazy is a good one.  Hubby would be the second one. Right? LOL I just don't like exercising in front of him - although in all honesty, he doesn't watch me anymore.  I like being in my own little world when I'm here at home - and he likes to interrupt with questions or will decide he wants to work out as well.  I like my space.  Some of you will understand what I mean by that.  I need to just 'get over myself' - right?  I'm not hurting anyone but myself with not working out.  And Morgan will be hurting me a lot when we start back!  I figure I will continue my training until I can retire... then will let it go.  So in the meantime, I need to buckle down and work hard.  I need to keep my strength up for my age is starting to tell on me.

It was funny yesterday morning - I get a text from my daughter that they were on their way over.  I was thinking about the squeaking on the sofa I mentioned yesterday so thought she had read my blog.  They hadn't.  A piece of wood had fallen off the sofa when they brought it in the door last week and the SIL wanted to fix it and glue it back on.  But - while he was here - he also took care of the squeaking.  Grateful.  Hubby was already talking about getting a new sofa.  No - we are not going into debt for something that can be worked on.  The SIL sprayed WD-40 on the coils, and even a silicone spray, I think.  He got the squeaking to stop and that was what I wanted done.  And the wood piece fixed. I may need to learn how to do some things or start calling my boys when I need help.  Learning for myself wouldn't be a bad idea.

Matthew 15:10-11 (NLT):  Then Jesus called to the crowd to come and hear.  "Listen", He said, "and try to understand.  It's not what goes into your mouth that defiles you, you are defiled by the words that come out of your mouth."

Those are pretty clear words, do you think?  It's isn't 'stuff' we put in our mouths that make us a 'bad person'.... it's the words that come out of our mouth.  The words that say what is in our hearts and in our minds.  Those ugly words we think when we don't care about someone.  The slander that comes out when we want to 'get even' with them.  You know what I'm talking about.  When we want to destroy people instead of building them up.

We are called to encourage people with our words; not tear them down.  Not to criticize or demean them. Many times I am sure we all think 'there is nothing good I can say about them' - and you may be right.  But find something good.  Think about good things.  Don't cloud your mind with bad thoughts and words, but bring light and life to those around you.  In others words - WATCH YOUR WORDS.  Right?

And with that - I'm off here - another busy day in the land of Oz.   Do something kind for someone today.  Bless them with your words.

Blessings!

Last work day this week

 At least for work.  Yes, I am taking tomorrow off work.  It's already 'time' for my yearly treat - going to the Christmas Ideas House with my boss.  She pays for the tickets for brunch and to attend; it's all part of her Christmas gift to me.  I love it.  It's been less than ten years, I think, but more than five years, that we have been doing this.  Anyway - it's tomorrow and I will need to get up, dressed, and out of the house early tomorrow for the trip down to the old office where I will leave my car and she will pick me up.  See, I DO like someone else driving me around. HaHa

Bible study was good last night and I agreed everyone could come here next month.  We generally meet every other week, but we put a hold on the rest of this month due to the holiday.  January 7th will be our next meeting.  I will have so much clean up to do here!  At least this room has a door that can be shut! LOL Not that anyone walks around; we meet in the living room and do our study and they leave.  Still on Revelations - you really do need to read it - we think like is tough now? It's going to get much, much, worse, and I truly hope that I get caught up with the Rapture for I don't want to endure what is coming. And neither do you. Read Revelation - it will open your eyes if you really read into it.  I've gone through it before, but I'm going to read through the 40 days through Revelation by Ron Rhodes again.  It's a 40 day study so you aren't going through it all at one time.  I love how he breaks it down in sections to read and then proceeds to help explain what the scriptures mean.  Others have too, and I want to dive deeper into their study of Revelation as well.  Besides, in Revelation 1:3 -

Revelation 1:3 (NKJV):  Blessed is he who reads and those who hear the words of this prophecy, and keeps those things that are written in it for the time is near.

We are blessed if we read and study Revelation - and I want to know more so that I will be prepared for what is ahead.  How about walking through Revelation with me?

I got a couple packages delivered yesterday and I wonder what in the world was I thinking!  I went through things under the trees yesterday and I think I finally have everything written down.  I'm going to do this differently next year.  (I know, you have heard that before too).  I am discombogulated (my sound out spelling) with things I do not even remember ordering - and yet, when I go back to my Kohls or Penney's order - it is right there.  What was I thinking?  Obviously, I wasn't.  I still have so many to buy for!  Not that I get much for anyone, but I still need to get at least one thing for the grandchildren. I think I'm done with my children and their spouses, then something else comes in that I ordered two weeks ago or more!  Maybe I need to start putting things back for NEXT year so that I'm done shopping for that time as well!  I'm hoping to take the time this weekend and figure it all out.  I did get a lot of wrapping done yesterday in between scheduling meetings.  I still have stuff everywhere in here, but I can tell it has gone down.  I want to get my siblings packages ready to ship out as well on Monday. I will be baking and freezing this weekend so that I can ship their things and they will arrive somewhat 'fresh' as it will thaw out on the way.

Everyone just needs to remember it is the thought, not the gift, right?  

Finally got my BP down some - first time was 144/86 and this time it was 127/77.  Which is better. Much better than it has been lately.  Breathe deeply and exhale ... in, and out, in, and out - then take it, right?  I do not want to be put on BP pills.  I hate taking pills!   Got to work on keeping my BP down.

Oh - remember my saying I had 'lost' my small Christmas tree for the porch and I have looked everywhere and cannot find it?  You aren't going to believe this.  You will probably even laugh at me. Yeah, not WITH me, but AT me.  Sigh.  I went ahead and ordered a small tree from Amazon because I couldn't find the tree I used last year.  It was really bugging me on where it was.  Well, the artificial tree arrived from Amazon the other day and yesterday I was determined to get it put together and out on the porch as I did last year.  I put it together, decorated it, set it out on the table.  I looked for a photo of last year's so that I could write out my sign about touching a branch and making a wish and then take a snack.  I have snacks in a basket that I set out with the tree.  I found the photo from last year with the sign and what I had put out last year..... are you ready for this?  Sigh.  It was a REAL tree in a pot.  Yes, one of those $20 ones (last year) that you buy from Home Depot.  It died by the end of January last year.  Which is why I could not find a tree in any of the cabinets or boxes I have stored in the garage! Yep - it was a real tree.  Well, now I have an artificial one.  I have labeled the box that it is the tree that goes on the table.  NEXT year I will be able to find it.  

I think I have already lost it.  But I did get the tree on the table, the sign up, and the snacks set out - donuts, trees, oatmeal cakes, etc. - and last night after we got home I brought in a package that had been delivered - and brought in the snacks and sat them on the stove.  This morning hubby comes and asks me where did I get the little packages of donuts.  (now mind you, I had given him a package the other day and told him I had bought them for the snack basket). Big sigh.  Then he asks why do I have OUR snacks in a basket sitting on the stove.  I look at him and explained that it isn't for US, it is for those who are delivering our packages.  However, if he wanted something, feel free to take it.  Rolling my eyes here.  This man can continuously eat!  Of course I have the snacks in here so can grab any time I want.  But hey!  I bought them!  I will need to refill the basket a bit I'm sure as I noticed a couple things were taken last night - and that's what they are there for - as a 'thank you' to the drivers for delivering my packages.

But - anyway - just telling you that I have already gone to the gray area of forgetfulness and Lord, help me to keep focus on what I'm doing!  I remembered the real tree once I saw the photo - but had truly thought I had an artificial tree there last year.  The mind is sometimes a passing thing....... just saying. You too will be like this in time.  Just you wait.

And with that confession, I am getting off here and getting the work computer turned on to warm up while I get dressed.  I think I need another cup of coffee!  The first cup is 'real' coffee that hubby brings me. But I have bought coffee that is called 'Everyday Dose' and it is to bring clarity and focus - and trust me, I try to drink at least one cup of that a day - I need all the help I can get!  And I think it has something in it that has helped me think a bit more clearly.  Just not in all things.  The mind is a befuddled thing, is it not?  I'm off here!

Be patient with me, you will get my age at some point in time.

Have a blessed day!   

It may be a long day...

 I got a tickle in my throat about midnight and started coughing... as long as I was laying down, the tickle continued, so after a few minutes of being unable to stop coughing, I got up and came in here.  I left the lights off and laid back in my chair and tried to go back to sleep - which I was able to for a short while. I finally gave up between 3:30-4AM.  I heard hubby get up around 4AM and brought my coffee and commented ... "I'm sorry if I kept you awake this morning."  I just looked at him and said, "no, you didn't." Then he asked "what time did you get up?" (why is that important?) So I told him midnight - and then of course he had to know why.  He had heard me coughing, but didn't know I had also gotten up.  Oh well.  I'm going to have to keep busy today if I'm going to stay awake.  Judging from my work emails I glanced at last night before bed, I will be kept busy.

Text'd with one of my granddaughters last night and I'm hoping to plan a trip to visit soon.  The funny thing is, I sent her a note yesterday on the stationary she got me for Christmas and had mentioned going down and maybe taking a day off work rather than over a weekend.  Great minds, she said.  She and her family have been sick with 'kindergarten crud' so I need to make sure they are all over it - although they must be since she is taking her little one to school this morning.  I checked my calendar and I'm hoping to be able to take Monday off... which means we could drive down on Sunday after church... check in the hotel and have dinner with them Sunday evening... we could stop by after we check out of the hotel on Monday and visit (want to find out when the great-granddaughter gets out of school) a little before heading home.  Hubby and I both need a getaway... he gets out more than I do, but stir-crazy is starting to infiltrate us.  I'm pretty sure I can talk him in to it.  He will probably want to drive, but I'm going to try to get him to let me drive.  If not, pray for safety. :-)  If we don't make it this weekend, it may be towards the end of March before we could plan it.  With timecards to approve every other Monday I can only take off those I don't have that 'duty'.  Oh well, I'll figure out something.  If I mention going to a hotel and getting away, hubby is generally all for it. 

Been thinking and praying about having a Bible study here at our home on Monday evenings, since we don't have a 'group' persay anymore.  I have a Bible study I've gone a couple times to on Sunday evenings, but I really don't like giving up that two hours on a Sunday.. in a study that I'm not feeling it.  I still like working from a notebook as it forces me to complete the homework so that I can easily share the lesson.  And - you won't believe this - hubby is agreeable.  We agreed to no more than 3-4 couples or a total of 6-8 more people.  Just a small group to study the Word.  Praying about what to do and if I am to do it.  I could either do just women or couples.  

Found out recently our church is going to one service starting at 10AM in February.  We still wonder why - finances? pastors? we don't know. Maybe we can find out tonight - prayer meeting tonight.  We may have a chance to ask the pastors.  Hubby has no problem going up and asking. LOL  I tried to make it 'ok' with hubby by telling him we could have a nice breakfast by going at 10AM instead of 9AM..... he liked that idea.  LOL I had to do the before instead of after.  With going at 9AM, we were out in plenty of time to make the 11AM opening at the restaurants - and were frequently the first ones through the door.  He liked that too.  

Philippians 4:8 (NKJV):  "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy - meditate on these things."

So what things are you putting in to your mind and what things are you keeping your focus on?  I must admit that sometimes I get caught up in things and my focus and thoughts are on things I shouldn't have it on.  One being my sister's issues... but isn't that what we do?  Our child has an issue and we think about it. A lot. A grandchild has been offended - we think about it.  Our spouse has things come up and they share.  We think about it.  These things bombard our minds.... and we think about them. 

But what should we do on those things that are not praiseworthy?  We should pray about them.  When my sister's issues come to my mind, instead of berating my brother in law for how he treats her, I need to focus on praying for him to have a tender heart towards her.  When one of my children have problems, I need to not focus on the problem they are dealing with, but pray that God will use that problem to turn their hearts toward Him.  The same with my grandchildren.  I do pray for each one - sometimes by family, sometimes by name... depends a lot on how much prayer time I have.  I pray for their safety. I pray for soft hearts. I pray for health.  I pray that God will use them and He will be glorified.  I pray their hearts will be softened towards Him and they will repent and turn their hearts to Him and live.  Oh that they could know the joys of following Jesus!  Not as a fan would, but as a follower.  There is a big difference.  I don't want to be a fan.  I choose to be a follower.

Great is the Lord, and He is greatly to be praised.  Hallelujah!

Blessings!

Another early morning!

and although I did try to go back to sleep when I got up at 3AM, I could not.  So I turned the light on here in my room and grabbed my Bible to start reading.  In Luke 15 is the story of the Prodigal Son.  I've always been drawn to that story, for I was a prodigal daughter for so long.  And I have my own prodigal sons that I pray for.  I'm like that Father, I think, peering out, praying for my sons to come back 'home' where they belong.  That's what our Heavenly Father does for each one of us who have strayed away.  We let the ways of the world entice us and put the world before our God.  And sometimes even before family.  I did that too, in some ways, I believe.  Perhaps that is why they also 'went away'.  I accept the blame.  God knows my heart for each of my children, my grandchildren, my great grandchildren.  He brought me back to Him; and I believe with all my heart that some day my children will also return to Him.

My devotion this morning was on desperation.  I've sat here and given it thought.  My desperation for God has kind of waned over the years.... it's hard to explain.  I've been praying for some time that God would increase my hunger for Him, that I would seek Him more diligently.  But this morning, as I have at times in the past, I prayed for desperation for Him.  That can be scary, for sure.  Desperation can come in all forms.  A sickness, a death, a tragedy, something that would drive one to their knees in desperation.  I don't want any of that to happen, but my heart longs for a deeper relationship with Jesus.  I have that hunger within me to 'know' Him more intimately.  I just need to carve out the time to focus on Him and take the time to dive deeper into His Word and knowing Him..

Have you ever felt a time of desperation, when you want something so badly you would do just about anything to get it?  I guess it is something like what addicts feel, don't you think?  But I want my addiction to be Jesus.  Can't never ever get enough of Him.

At our Bible study last night, one of the women mentioned she had a Bible that had the words of God in red in the Old Testament.  I had never heard of that!  She handed it over for me to see, and it's called the Sword Study Bible.  And, it was true!  I had never seen the word of God in the Old Testament in red.  It was really cool.  It was also in big print!  My immediate thought was that I would 'have to get one' and start my new year (2023) with a new Bible to read through.  (I'm going to be close in finishing this one before year end as I have gotten lax in my reading.  Going to need to take extra time to finish by December 31). I've been more diligent this year in that I'm also reading the study notes after I read each chapter to better understand what is being said.  And I underline a lot in pencil.  But, anyway, I decided that maybe I wouldn't get it, for I need to go through the Old Testament (as I usually do), and this time highlight the Words spoken by God so that I can hide His words in my heart better.  Make sense?  I am thinking that maybe I'd get one for hubby as he also seemed interested.  Christmas will be here before I'm ready and I need something special to get him, although I have bought him probably all the Bibles he owns.  

2 Timothy 2:15 (NKJV):  "Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth."

Hebrews 11:6 (NKJV):  "But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him."

The word 'diligent' came to mind as I paused on what to write.  These two scriptures are just a couple of what I found as I looked the word 'diligent' up in Bible Gateway.  See how the words 'diligent, diligently' are applied?  

Diligent is actually an adjective.  It means steady, earnest, energetic and painstaking.   You are actively seeking, search, and longing, and wanting.  Have you ever felt that?  Something to think about.  And that is what I want to be - diligent about searching the Word of God so that I learn how to live life.  We all should be diligently seeking Him, don't you agree?

Although we had our Bible study last night, the 'mother' church is wanting us all to gather over at 'their place' (we are the 'daughter/sister church' - not sure what they call it) and discuss Chapter 8 together.  I don't want to go.  Then on November 18th, when all should be finished with this 10 week book, we are to go back and I hear there will be a great banquet for all who went through the book.  I don't want to go to that either.  I can't give you a reason 'why'.  I just don't want to go.  Is it because I didn't care for the book?  I don't know.  But hubby is on my case because 'how can you get to know people if you don't go to things?'  And I get that.  The women are also having their every other month luncheon on November 12th and I don't really want to go to that either, but hubby is pushing on me to attend.  Now I enjoy being with other people, I really do, but .. well, I just can't explain it.  But I need to suck it up and just sign up and go.  It won't hurt me.  I will meet people and will enjoy them.  Could it be I have just gotten lazy and encircled in my own world and don't want to include others?  Could be.... But guess I'll 'just do it'.  Maybe I should do it for hubby; he needs men friends that he can do things with.... and maybe it will get him out of the house more.  At least I have a life with work, but even with the Bible studies he does, he spends all his time doing his 'homework' or watching TV, unless he has a breakfast/lunch with someone - which is infrequent anymore, or his Bible study.  Like I have any room to talk.  My world is involved with work.

Had an eye doctor appointment yesterday and he confirmed the cataracts are getting a bit worse.  But, as long as I can see with brighter lights, I can wait to have them removed.  Maybe next year I will tell him to go ahead and remove them.  It isn't critical yet and doesn't affect anything.  Other than trying to thread a needle is next to impossible without a magnifying glass and lots of light.  

And, today, I have another massage scheduled.  I do enjoy them, and I need to have them monthly.... I have probably about 13-14 that I've paid for and let the months go by and they have built up.  I'm thinking if I go twice a month, I can get them used up.  A facial every once in awhile is good too.  I just don't enjoy those as much as I do a massage.  Need to jump online some time and get a few more scheduled. When I find someone I like and go to them a few times, it's frustrating when I try to schedule and they are totally booked out for a couple months or even worse, they leave!  And, like now, I'm having to find someone I really like the way they work.  And I don't like someone who talks!  I sometimes fall asleep while getting the massage - and I don't need someone talking to me and waking me up!  Today is another new person.  Hopefully they will work out.

I guess I've rambled on enough this morning so will hush.  My sneezing has started - seems about this time every morning I go through 3-4 sneezes and then it stops.  Maybe I'm allergic to work and my nose knows it's almost time?  Yeah.

Make today count.

Blessings!

Interesting question....

 We went to our first Bible study in a couple months last night.  The church is wanting everyone to do the book of 'Rooted.  Connect with God, the Church, Your Purpose'  As we didn't go to the main campus and get our book last Wednesday, we got them last night.  We also didn't have a chance to read the first chapter- that they had gone through the week before.  But we have our books.  In fact, they were supposed to have week 2 completed by this week so that it could be discussed.

Well, our leader is VERY talkative and he talked nearly the entire time, asking questions and getting other people to talk.  Hubby and I just sat there quietly, pretty much.  Towards the end they asked one of the questions in the book that we are to answer at the end of Chapter 1.  It wasn't a hard question; we didn't need to read or study to answer that question.  But they went around the room and had everyone respond to it.  And that included hubby and I.  I guess hubby didn't hear what we were to do, even though he sat next to the leader.  He didn't answer the question, but referred back to a 'logic versus love' comment our leader had spoken of earlier.  I was last.  The question was put to me.

"What false or incomplete images of God do you have?"

I had listened to everyone else give their response.  But now, it was my turn.  All eyes were on me.  I had thought about that question as it went around the room.  And now, I had to give my answer.

"I don't want to sound arrogant or anything.... but I don't have any false or incomplete image of God.  He is God and I am not. He knows all about me, and how things affect me.  He knows what I need before I know I do.  He is faithful; He is Sovereign. My image of God is He is Lord of all.  He may not give me all I ask for.  He may not do it when I ask Him to.  He may confuse me with His responses ... but He is still God, and I am not.  I grew up having a head knowledge of who God is, but once I gained a personal relationship with Jesus, all of that changed.  He is Lord of All."

I saw a few heads nodding in agreement.  Then the closing prayer was given and we started to leave.  I still felt awkward at giving that response.  I felt like I was giving the impression that I was so much more than they were - and that is so far from the truth.  But I wanted to give an honest answer - and I could not think of anything false or incomplete in my opinion of God.

Our group has grown from before and I was thrilled that our Pastor's wife is in our group.  I think our Pastor will be coming as well, but he couldn't last night.  As soon as she saw me across the room when she came in, she told me, I want to talk with you about getting together.  Surprised she even remembered, I nodded.  After class, I waited to talk with her.  

Remember my mentioning that we had invited the pastor and his wife out to dinner via email, then we went up and introduced ourselves one Sunday morning to both of them.  It was determined the dinner would be Italian.  But we never set a date.  A friend told me that I probably shouldn't expect it to happen.  So, hubby and I agreed we wouldn't mention it again.  We'd let it go.  It wasn't brought up until the pastor's wife did last night.  She wanted my telephone number.  She said that the pastor couldn't find my email so she didn't know how to get in touch with me (and Sunday mornings are crazy).  So - now she has my telephone number and I guess I'll get a call at some point and we'll go to dinner.  Actually, I'm glad God caused the time to pass before we connected.  I really feel a bond with her, but some of the questions I wanted to ask - I've now got the answers for.  One of them was about this book that we are now going through.  It wasn't being promoted so much at our church.  (I guess there are a total of about 300 who are actually doing the book).  I was puzzled how it could be mentioned occasionally... but not promoted.. if we are to be doing it as a church.  Were the pastors behind it or not?  And I definitely got my answer to that last night when the pastor's wife showed up in our group!  I'm looking forward to getting to know them both.

Other than the leader talking way too much, I think this is going to be a good class.  Hubby and I have a lot to catch up on since we just got our books last night.  I stayed up and read through the first part with the introduction.  Now to work on the week's lesson.  It just felt good to have a study to do again - and to do it with others.  As much as I love to facilitate a group, hubby and I do not agree on the way to do it and if we had a group here, I'm afraid it would prove difficult for we both would want to lead it.  We don't facilitate a class together well.  We just have different opinions on how things should be done.  Not that either is right or wrong.  We are different people.  He wants to tell people what to do; I want them to see and hear and learn and do it as they are lead.  Does that make sense?

I'm going to leave you today with this same question.  Take a moment and think about your answer.  How would you answer this?

"What false or incomplete images of God do you have?"

Blessings!

Our new Bible study...

 is going to be a Bible study like we have never attended.  The two times we have gone, hubby and I both have commented on the way home that we felt 'intimated'.  By that I mean that these people, who have been in this study group for some time, seem to have such knowledge of the Bible that our casual readings throughout the years cannot comprehend.  I read my Bible every day.  I've done studies on specific books, but I guess I've never really 'dug' into the Word like these people seem to know it.  Perhaps God has led us to this church, to this Bible study, for this very reason - to learn how to dig into His Word and read it with fresh eyes and a learning heart.  

The book we were told last week that we we going to study was Proverbs, and we wondered how we would do that.  (Did you know that you could read one chapter of Proverbs a day and by the end of the month you would have read the entire book?  Try it!  It's a book of wisdom!)  What we found out when we arrived is that we are going to do the book of James.  Now I enjoy a good study on James.  When I read James, it really helps me understand a lot of things.  "Consider it pure joy...." remember those words?  Oh, go ahead, read chapter 1 - in fact - all we got through last night was versus 1-4.  Lots of conversation; lots of discussion.  And the leader called on me once for my opinion!  Gasp!  I was on the spot!  What did I think that word/words meant?  Guess who is going to be doing a lot of studying on James before our next class!  All good conversation and at a study level we have never experienced over the years.  I wish we had books we could dive into that would help us understand God's Word better, and I will be searching specifically for books on James that we can read so that our knowledge will grow.  In fact, I had started a class on James at Dallas Theological Seminary a few months back, and after the first chapter, didn't get back on it.  I think I need to see if I can retake the course and this time really dive into it.  I do want to know more about God's Word and how to apply it to my life.  I know I have so much to learn.  I've forgotten so many things because if you 'don't use it, you lose it'... and that is what happened.  I want to become excited again about learning.  My excuse anymore is 'I don't have the time with working' - and yet, I think back to 20 years ago I was teaching classes, volunteering, working, and doing other things as well - granted, I wasn't in bed before 9PM like I am now either.  I was up until midnight many nights and doing the things I needed/wanted to do.  And still got up early to go to work.  Didn't think anything about it - and now... I see how lazy I have become. Lord, please help me to change.  Give me a hunger for your Word that can not be satisfied.

James 1:5 (NKJV):  "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him."

We/I had a delightful surprise yesterday.  For the first time in a long time, I felt truly loved.  You would have to 'walk in my shoes' to understand my comment.  I received a text from my 'favorite' DIL yesterday afternoon that a mutual friend said 'hi'.  I knew this friend had been in a hospital nearby.  We hadn't seen her but a few times since we had left the church.  I immediately asked if she was in the facility where my DIL worked.  After a short pause, my DIL responded she got permission (HIPAA) to tell us 'yes'.  I knew we wanted to go see her.  So after I 'clocked' out from work, got cleaned up, we headed to the facility, which is only a couple miles north of us.  We went to visit our friend and I text'd our DIL 'guess where we are" and in a few moments she appeared at the door of the room.  It was so good to see her.  After she left, our friend commented on how she found out it was our DIL helping her, and spoke highly of her, how kind and thoughtful she is. (and that is true!)  And then our friend said something that touched my heart.  Unless you know how broken my heart has been over the years over situations and circumstances, not necessarily within my immediate family but from others as well, you cannot understand how I have built walls around my heart not to feel so that I wouldn't be hurt again.  But what my friend said, made its way into my heart, breaking a piece of the wall off.  She said, "your DIL said she had a wonderful MIL".  Even now, I feel tears gather in my eyes.  I can't explain how my heart has longed to hear that someone truly cared and thought and loved me, and yet, in those words, I felt it.  Whew!  Let's move on!

Hubby was asking me again yesterday about how I journal.  He knows I write in my journal most every day.  I'm not sure why he keeps asking me.  I used to 'journal journal' of my daily activities, but this year I have made it a point to write out brief prayers in my journal book.  Things that are on my heart.  Then I can pray verbally about 'everything else'.  I don't have time in the mornings to write down every prayer I feel I need to pray about.  Some things should not be written down; some things are better brought to the Lord and laid on His altar and left there.

Oh - another thing that came up last night.  One of the men in our group opened up that he was in counseling and that he had been abused by his mother and father as he was growing up.  Now the age range in this group is probably 40's on up.  We are on the 'up' end.  He shared that he had written a letter to his mother, and was in the process of writing a letter to his father, confronting the abuse and how it made him feel.  He never mentioned that he would be mailing them, but just that he was in the process of writing them.  Our leader suggested that when he wrote the letters, to take them and place on the grill outdoors, pray taht God would take that pain, the anger, the hurt, the anguish - all those feelings he had from his 'growing up years' and then turn the fire on and let the letters burn.  Give all of that to God.  I have heard that before - to burn them - but have never done so.  A counselor I had years ago suggested I do the same thing - I wrote the letter and mailed it.  My stepfather denied every accusation I said he did. And yet, when my younger sister was told by her counselor to write the letter, she did and mailed it and he called her and asked for forgiveness.  That has led to a whole lot of other issues in me.  I know I did not imagine it.  So I am thinking that I need to take some time over the next few months and write out another letter... and burn it, truly offering it to God and letting the past go.  I know some other people I need to write those letters to over the years.  And perhaps that is what I need to do in order to bring healing to my heart.  To break down the walls I have built up for protection.    And maybe you need to think about doing the same thing.  Are you willing to let go of the anger, hurt, etc. that you have held on to for years - that has made you say "that's just the way I am?"  You don't have to be that way!  Give it to God, and forgive the offender, and forgive yourselves.  You will know then how 'walled up' you were.

John 8:32 (NKJV):  "And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free."

Blessings!

Where did the weekend go?

 Shouldn't today just be Saturday?  And it's Tuesday already?  Where did my holiday weekend go?  It certainly did fly by!  I've shared much of what we did over the weekend.  Yesteday I didn't get done the things I had mentioend, and thought about.  Hubby and I sat out in the front courtyard for a short while while we had a cool breeze, then about 9AM I took a short walk - less than two miles - but I did walk.  It was nice being by myself and walking and talking and singing to God.  It's one of my favorite things to do.  

After preparing the deviled eggs and beans, we headed over to our new Bible study group.  We immediately felt welcomed by everyone and right at home.  All the food was delicious and we had a great time of listening and talking and finding out about others.  I hadn't planned on sharing much about myself, but when asked direct questions, one needs to answer.  It was all a good time and I learned things about each one.  There were 11 of us last night - 4 couples and 3 singles. After eating there was a discussion of what we would study.  We had been told Job, but I guess the couple who pushed on Job wont' be attending for awhile, so they said we didn't have to study Job.  I think it was decided we'd study Proverbs.  That should be interesting as that is one book I haven't studied in its entirety.

Today I am back to work - oh joy - and from jumping online for a brief time yesterday - see that I don't have much to do.  Gives me time to work on mandatory training everyone in the company has to have completed by July 11th.  My goal is to be totally done by June 30th.  I think I have about 6 trainings yet to do - ranging about 30 - 60 minutes each.  Trying to do at least one a day... but if I have the time and can get through it, may just keep going utnil I'm done.

Got started on week 5 of my Seeking Him book.  I took a few days off from it to get back in sync.  I really meant to do it yesterday and forgot about it as I was engrossed in reading my books.  This is the chapter that really spoke to me when I first went through the book (before the revised one).  It is on Grace.  I am often reminded how much grace God has already given me, and how much more grace that I need.  And He gives His grace freely, when we ask for it.

Romans 6:14 NKJV):  "For sin shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under law, but under grace."

Ephesians 2:8 (NKJV):  "For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God."

Hebrews 4:16 (NKJV):  "Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need."

There is so much of God's grace in the Bible.  Scripture after scripture will show you how grace is given - freely.  Sit back and think about all the grace that has been given you.  Perhaps in times of struggle you cried out to the Lord for clarificiation, for help - and He answered and gave you what you did not deserve - His grace.

None of us deserve His grace, me the least of them.  But when we seek Him first in our lives, He freely gives and supplies that grace that we need for that moment in time.  Hallelujah!   I am so grateful for the grace of God that helps me in all I do. His grace supplies my every need.  And His grace supplies yours as well.

Have you ever thanked God for His grace?  The times He kept you or a family member from serious harm?  The time when you needed to find something and couldn't and finally just asked 'God, please help me find it' - and your eyes were opened to where it was.  What about when you were overwhelmed and you didn't see a  way out - God's grace sustained you, whether you recognized it at the time or not.  And many times we don't - until we think about how things could have turned out differently - but didn't.  We didn't get what we deserved, but received the mercy and grace of a faithful God.

I could not live without God's grace in my life - nor would I want to.  There is nothing better than resting in my Savior and knowing I have received His grace for all things.

Sit back, close your eyes, and think about all that God has done for you and for your family.  That is grace.

Blessings!

Back to work Monday....

 Yep, playtime is over and today I'm back to work.  I did 'jump on' the computer Saturday after we got home and had over 100 messages.  I worked my way through them cause most were for my bosses - meeting invites, etc.  I answered the ones I had, so hopefully I won't have too many this morning when I sign on.  It was really good to step back from work and self-charge.  I didn't realize how mentally weary I had become.  Although we didn't do anything 'special' once we got back home from our trip to Tucson, (for me, anyway) it is ok.  We read, we watched movies.  It was nice and restful.

Hubby picked Sheeba up early afternoon yesterday while I was at the grocery store.  She will probably be back to herself today - meaning getting in our way.  Yesterday she still did a lot of laying around.  She plays hard at the 'pet resort' with the other dogs.  It is really funny at times when we get a text from the pet resort with a 'message' from Sheeba about what fun she is having.  

Our carpet is getting cleaned early this morning.  I'm already wishing we hadn't scheduled it because I need to be back at work.  But, I'll ask to have this room done first, and will take my laptop to the kitchen table and work there while he does this.  It won't be too bad since I will get on at 7AM and he won't start until about 8:30AM.  I should be caught up and the short time he will be in here will be a nice break.  The floor dries quickly so I can easily come back in to work.  I do need to pick up my weight bench and weights and get them out of the way.  Hubby said he would take care of the chairs on the large dining room table.  Other than that, we don't have that much to pick up.  Need to move Sheeba's crate though.  It will really confuse her and she won't like it at all, I'm sure.

Now that our 'anniversary trip' is over, we can focus on our way too soon upcoming trip to Indiana.  I'm already wishing it wasn't so long (almost 2 weeks!) but to spend time with everyone it was needed.  There are about 3 days in the middle we could 'cut out', but needed the two weekends to not mess up work schedules too badly.  I don't plan to take my work computer so my emails will be outrageous.  But I do have outlook and Teams on my iphone and get my work messages there so can hopefully delete some while I'm away.  Just can't make any meetings.  I will need to get someone to cover for me since I am gone that long.  My one boss is self-sufficient.  My other boss starts today.  I will probably need to have someone do his meetings while I'm gone.  

Today is my little sister's birthday.  She received all that I sent her last week, and I admit I did get carried away.  I over-bought for her, but that's ok.  There were some things she needed that I knew she wasn't going to get from anyone else.  I know it isn't my place to do it, but I could, and I did.  I wanted her to have joy. 

I think that just about catches up any family who reads this blog.  Sometimes those things are what is on my mind and until I get them out, nothing else comes to me to write about.  Perhaps today is one of those times.  That and I need to work on this room and get things off the floor.  It's mainly my weights so it isn't any big deal.  And some yarn.  Ok, maybe a stack of books too.  It's all good.

My sister and I decided not to work on the Bible Study I mentioned several days ago.  We finally got our books and study guides, but after looking them over, they don't really cover what our walls consist of.  The author's husband had cheated on her and left her, I think they divorced, then they got back together and remarried.  She writes about how she felt, how she forgave him, but can't forget what happened.  Well, THAT issue has never been a problem with me nor my sister.  We have never worried about our spouses cheating on us so we decided to send those books back.  My sister had read the first chapter in the book and said that was all it was about.  So we both have this other study and I am leaning on doing it and hope I can convince my sister to do it as well.  I need to get my things together for this (journal) and then will start it.  I think I will do it whether she does it or not.  I'm just at that place right now.

Have you ever had something going on that you pray about and know that you just have to trust God for the outcome?  Yeah, I'm there.  I may talk about it in a later post, but for now, I'm just mentioning it to say that sometimes you just have to trust God. Period.  Whatever the issue is, one needs to reach out to your Creator and ask for His intervention,   He may allow something to help you grow, or to help someone else.  But one thing is certain, no matter what it is, He will walk with you through that journey.  Life is hard sometimes, and sometimes it is by our own choices, and sometimes it is not from things we have done, but what happens to us.  No matter what it is, once we ask God to intervene, once we place our trust in Him, we need to take our hands off and allow Him to do what He chooses to do.  It isn't always easy, for sure.  We want to fix things ourselves.  But some things can only be fixed by His hand.  

Like the woman who continuously went to the judge to get justice, and he, although he did not care about her, gave her what she requested.  We need to continuously bring our issue to our Father, and relentlessly seek Him.  It's like one of those questions.... "How bad do you want it?"  How bad do you want that favor, that job?  How bad do you want your healing, or the healing of another?  How bad do you want it?  Bad enough to beat the doors of heaven and pound the doors with your requests?  Something to think about.

What's on your heart and mind today?  Take it to Jesus and ask Him to intervene on your behalf, and trust that He will answer.  It may not be the answer you seek, but He will answer.  In His time.

Blessings!

It was a nice surprise....

 My middle child called yesterday and asked to come over so that his wife could print something as their wifi was down. Yay! An opportunity to see him, our daughter-in-law and a grandson.  Yeah, we don't get to see them often so it was nice to have a few minutes with them.  They stayed long enough to chat a bit before they left for home and I got back to work.  It was a nice break for me as I usually don't take much of a break - very often anyway.

In spite of my one boss being off the last two days (she comes back today), I have been busy the past two days.  I had about 18 -20 meet and greet meetings to set up for my new boss, and yesterday was spent working on other things for him.  And he dared text me at almost 5PM some things he would like to have prior to his start date August 16th.  Something about analytics team, etc.  Yipes.  I don't know anything about that stuff!  He said I didn't have to answer last night - so I didn't.  I will email someone in that department this morning and ask them what is he talking about before I respond back to him.  When I supported the person before him, she too was very self sufficient and did everything herself (thank goodness!!) and all I had to do was schedule meetings.  I realize it was just a question from him; he doesn't know I wasn't that involved at that level.  I'll try to find the answer for him, but will need to respond and tell him I'm not involved at that level.  Working from home, I really don't want to be.  If I was in the office where I could have the freedom of stopping by another's desk and asking "hey, how do I do this?" and being shown, would make it much easier.  

My little sister and I are going to start a new Bible study....not any of the ones for which we have the books and are prepared to start with.  This one has stayed in my mind from the first time I saw the book - before it even was made into a Bible study.  I kept refusing to even think about it in my mind.  But I have relented, and not only do I need it, but my sister needs it as well.   The study is called 'Forgiving What You Can't Forget' by Lysa TerKeurst.  She is over the Proverbs 31 ministry and although I haven't read any of her books, this one got my attention.  No, I don't want to do the study.  This study has been out for awhile and every time I saw it, I would go right past it.  I know I need to forgive and forget some things of the past.... but the 'me' in me doesn't want to.  I say I don't hold grudges, that I forgive, and I really believe I have..... but the pain is so deep that when it's memory rears its ugly head... that brick goes back into the wall I keep trying to tear down and I add another 'sticky note' about the memory to the wall to hold it in place.

Don't ask me where that 'picture' came from, but when I was trying to convince my little sister that she also need to take this course (yes, I gave in and ordered the book and the workbook to do it), she was 'fighting' me on it; not wanting to deal with the past... but when I was talking with her about it, the picture of the walls we have built up over the years... walls that we hope protect us mentally and emotionally... the picture of adding another sticky note of the hurt memory onto the wall to help hold it into place, came to my mind.  I do it.  She does it.  And I'm sure that you do it too.  

The hurt is deep.  The trust and respect has been broken.  The bricks and mortar are in place and we make sure that wall stays strong.  And every time that hurt comes to mind, that 'wrong' that was done to us or to someone we love, we add another layer of brick... sticking 'sticky notes' on it so that it will always be there to remind us of the wrong.  We say we 'forgive' and try to move on with life, but that wall is still there...and we keep adding the sticky notes to it.  

But Jesus says we are to truly forgive, because when we forgive others, our Father in Heaven will forgive us our many sins.  And the Lord knows I have plenty to be forgiven of!  I try hard to forgive the wrong done to me in the past.... I really do.... but I find I refuse to 'let go' of that wall I built up to protect myself.  Do you do that also?  Have you been able to forgive someone who has hurt you or  someone you love and let it go?  Have you forgotten about it, truly forgotten, so that when the wrong comes back to mind you can tell yourself 'nope, not going there.  I've forgiven and it is forgotten."  I find that in many cases I have.... but the wrongs and the hurts have changed me.

I'm more cautious around those people who have turned against me with words and deeds.  I love them, because God says we are to love everyone.  But I just don't feel I can open up to them like I did before.  I need to get past that.  I need to truly forgive and trust God to deal with the people involved in the incidents that continuously come back to my mind.  I don't bring up the past with them for even though they have 'apologized', I have never felt it was sincere, but an apology just given to smooth the edges.  And because I know I need to forgive, I do.  

The tongue is a vicious thing and as small as it is, can shred the heart that loves.  One person, who will remain unnamed, has on two occasions specificially, used their tongue to tear me down viciously.  The last time was so bad it nearly destroyed me for it was unprovoked and unwarranted.  That is one of the walls that I need to tear down.  I still love this person, but I am afraid of them, afraid of what their tongue lashing can do to my heart.  

So I want to complete this study, no matter how painful it will be to get through it.  I want to be happy in my heart as I was before these things happened.  I want first of all to be obedient to God and truly forgive those that have hurt me, not just words, but from the heart forgive.  And although I may not be able to forget, I can get past it.

Do you have that going on in your mind right now?  Something that someone did or said to you or someone you love and you don't WANT to move past it?  After all, they were the one in the wrong, right?  One thing I have truly learned over the years is that if I can't forgive, that unforgiveness holds me in bondage.  This person will never know the control they have over me (or had!) because I say I forgive... but when I don't let it go, they have the control.

My older sister is in bondage because of past hurts... and I truly believe that is why she suffers so much with her rheumatoid arthritis.  She won't listen to anyone who talks to them about forgiving... she always says she has forgiven .. but she constantly talks about what happened.  When we do that, we put our selves in bondage again and again... and don't let it go.  She just doesn't understand - or doesn't want to do it.  And her body and mind is suffering because of it.  I don't want to be a suffering woman because of my own doing of not forgiving and not letting it go.

It's ok to remember a wrong and put it back in its place.  Remind yourself that you have forgiven that wrong and just like you want God to forgive you and remember your sins no more, we have to do this ourselves.  I often have to tell myself  'stop.  You forgave that.  Let it go.' so that I can move on.  And, if you recall, Jesus said, when asked by Peter how many times should I forgive my brother - seven times?  

And Jesus responded in Matthew 18:22:  "Not seven times, Peter, but seventy times seven times!" (TPT)

We have been given instructions to forgive always.  Even when the number of times is too many to count.  We have to let it go.  I want to.  I'm going to do this study, in spite of the pain and most uncomfortable feelings I will have to go through.  (stay tuned, I may write about some).

Have you let go ... and let God take over yet?  The annoying things we sometimes can... but it's the harder stuff that builds the wall.  

Tear down the wall and let forgiveness cover it all.  Just as you want God to forgive you.

Psalm 103:12 (NLT)  "He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west."

Let's do this - and live again.

Blessings!