The week is winding down...almost done

 Yesterday was pretty quiet for work, only had a few meetings to schedule since my favorite boss had yesterday off - and she is off today too.  My other boss and I text'd - the flowers never arrived so I suggeseted he cancel.  I am assuming he did, since nothing arrived at all yesterday.  It would have been ok but we are on vacation next week; I am stuck back in this room with no place to put a huge bouquet of flowers so I'd never see them; and the florist never called after that initial call - which they should have made to keep me or even my boss, updated on status of delivery.  I told him that he will 'owe me' and I do collect. :-)   I still had a good birthday.

Last night I visited Ms. Amy and found out her daughter is putting her in a facility today for 30 days.  I looked it up and it's a 'retirement community'.  I don't think her mom will like it there, she is a not one to venture out of the room much.  Can you believe the daughter said the cost was about $7K a month?!!  But the reason is to get her mother's medication stabilized and someone checking on her 24x7 for 30 days to make sure she is getting stronger and better.  Her daughter wants to go home - and I don't blame her there. She's been here for nearly a month.  Her hubby comes out next week and after a few days, both will go back to Florida until the end of the 30 days and the daughter will come back - if her mom is to leave the retirement home.  I receive conflicting vibes from the daughter so am not sure what her plans are for her mother.  I know she wants her cared for.  Obviously they have lots of money and don't care about spending it - she mentioned if her mother stays, they will just let the house set empty for a year or two - it's paid for.  They live in Florida - why would they want to sitting empty?  I don't know.  I will be going with the daughter on Saturday afternoon to visit her mother (as she is having her transported there today!) so that I can see where she is and help calm her mother down, I'm sure.  And the daughter asked me... "you will go see her there, right?"  Of course I will, but it has to be on my timetable.

I got a surprise yesterday when my youngest son, at the prompting of his older brother, text'd me and asked me out for breakfast. (Thanks!)  I thought he was still out of town but he came back yesterday so we scheduled it for this Saturday.  It will be fun to meet up and chat.  I don't see him much either, so hopefully we will be able to chat and catch up, although I just saw him last weekend and we talked some.  AND I get breakfast!  Tonight my daughter and her hubby are taking us out for my birthday dinner with them.  They know a place that has great food so we are going there.  

Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NKJV):  "To everything thing there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven."

As I sat here and was thinking of what to write, I am reminded of this verse.  For the next several verses Solomon wrote "A time to....".  But all these 'times' fall into a season.  Everything does.  We are each in a season.  It could be a good season where things are going well, or it could be a very tough season, where it feels like everything is against you.

It could be a fun season where life is good and things are fun.  It could be a hard season where you feel you are struggling just to get through each day.  (I imagine most of us feel like we have gone through those hard times! I know I have!) 

But with each season, it comes to an end.  But what do we do in that 'season' of life?  We all are going through a season right now.  How we deal with that season - whatever it is - helps us into the next one.  It prepares us for what is ahead.  But we have to pay attention.  Never let time get away from you and that you do not accomplish what your dream is.

Go after your dream.  I don't care if it seems so far out of reach - start today.  Pick up that book to read or study.  Sign up for that class.  Go after your dream.  Never let it get out of your grasp.  There is a time for every purpose under heaven.  Your time is now.  Go for it!

Blessings!

It was a nice surprise....

 My middle child called yesterday and asked to come over so that his wife could print something as their wifi was down. Yay! An opportunity to see him, our daughter-in-law and a grandson.  Yeah, we don't get to see them often so it was nice to have a few minutes with them.  They stayed long enough to chat a bit before they left for home and I got back to work.  It was a nice break for me as I usually don't take much of a break - very often anyway.

In spite of my one boss being off the last two days (she comes back today), I have been busy the past two days.  I had about 18 -20 meet and greet meetings to set up for my new boss, and yesterday was spent working on other things for him.  And he dared text me at almost 5PM some things he would like to have prior to his start date August 16th.  Something about analytics team, etc.  Yipes.  I don't know anything about that stuff!  He said I didn't have to answer last night - so I didn't.  I will email someone in that department this morning and ask them what is he talking about before I respond back to him.  When I supported the person before him, she too was very self sufficient and did everything herself (thank goodness!!) and all I had to do was schedule meetings.  I realize it was just a question from him; he doesn't know I wasn't that involved at that level.  I'll try to find the answer for him, but will need to respond and tell him I'm not involved at that level.  Working from home, I really don't want to be.  If I was in the office where I could have the freedom of stopping by another's desk and asking "hey, how do I do this?" and being shown, would make it much easier.  

My little sister and I are going to start a new Bible study....not any of the ones for which we have the books and are prepared to start with.  This one has stayed in my mind from the first time I saw the book - before it even was made into a Bible study.  I kept refusing to even think about it in my mind.  But I have relented, and not only do I need it, but my sister needs it as well.   The study is called 'Forgiving What You Can't Forget' by Lysa TerKeurst.  She is over the Proverbs 31 ministry and although I haven't read any of her books, this one got my attention.  No, I don't want to do the study.  This study has been out for awhile and every time I saw it, I would go right past it.  I know I need to forgive and forget some things of the past.... but the 'me' in me doesn't want to.  I say I don't hold grudges, that I forgive, and I really believe I have..... but the pain is so deep that when it's memory rears its ugly head... that brick goes back into the wall I keep trying to tear down and I add another 'sticky note' about the memory to the wall to hold it in place.

Don't ask me where that 'picture' came from, but when I was trying to convince my little sister that she also need to take this course (yes, I gave in and ordered the book and the workbook to do it), she was 'fighting' me on it; not wanting to deal with the past... but when I was talking with her about it, the picture of the walls we have built up over the years... walls that we hope protect us mentally and emotionally... the picture of adding another sticky note of the hurt memory onto the wall to help hold it into place, came to my mind.  I do it.  She does it.  And I'm sure that you do it too.  

The hurt is deep.  The trust and respect has been broken.  The bricks and mortar are in place and we make sure that wall stays strong.  And every time that hurt comes to mind, that 'wrong' that was done to us or to someone we love, we add another layer of brick... sticking 'sticky notes' on it so that it will always be there to remind us of the wrong.  We say we 'forgive' and try to move on with life, but that wall is still there...and we keep adding the sticky notes to it.  

But Jesus says we are to truly forgive, because when we forgive others, our Father in Heaven will forgive us our many sins.  And the Lord knows I have plenty to be forgiven of!  I try hard to forgive the wrong done to me in the past.... I really do.... but I find I refuse to 'let go' of that wall I built up to protect myself.  Do you do that also?  Have you been able to forgive someone who has hurt you or  someone you love and let it go?  Have you forgotten about it, truly forgotten, so that when the wrong comes back to mind you can tell yourself 'nope, not going there.  I've forgiven and it is forgotten."  I find that in many cases I have.... but the wrongs and the hurts have changed me.

I'm more cautious around those people who have turned against me with words and deeds.  I love them, because God says we are to love everyone.  But I just don't feel I can open up to them like I did before.  I need to get past that.  I need to truly forgive and trust God to deal with the people involved in the incidents that continuously come back to my mind.  I don't bring up the past with them for even though they have 'apologized', I have never felt it was sincere, but an apology just given to smooth the edges.  And because I know I need to forgive, I do.  

The tongue is a vicious thing and as small as it is, can shred the heart that loves.  One person, who will remain unnamed, has on two occasions specificially, used their tongue to tear me down viciously.  The last time was so bad it nearly destroyed me for it was unprovoked and unwarranted.  That is one of the walls that I need to tear down.  I still love this person, but I am afraid of them, afraid of what their tongue lashing can do to my heart.  

So I want to complete this study, no matter how painful it will be to get through it.  I want to be happy in my heart as I was before these things happened.  I want first of all to be obedient to God and truly forgive those that have hurt me, not just words, but from the heart forgive.  And although I may not be able to forget, I can get past it.

Do you have that going on in your mind right now?  Something that someone did or said to you or someone you love and you don't WANT to move past it?  After all, they were the one in the wrong, right?  One thing I have truly learned over the years is that if I can't forgive, that unforgiveness holds me in bondage.  This person will never know the control they have over me (or had!) because I say I forgive... but when I don't let it go, they have the control.

My older sister is in bondage because of past hurts... and I truly believe that is why she suffers so much with her rheumatoid arthritis.  She won't listen to anyone who talks to them about forgiving... she always says she has forgiven .. but she constantly talks about what happened.  When we do that, we put our selves in bondage again and again... and don't let it go.  She just doesn't understand - or doesn't want to do it.  And her body and mind is suffering because of it.  I don't want to be a suffering woman because of my own doing of not forgiving and not letting it go.

It's ok to remember a wrong and put it back in its place.  Remind yourself that you have forgiven that wrong and just like you want God to forgive you and remember your sins no more, we have to do this ourselves.  I often have to tell myself  'stop.  You forgave that.  Let it go.' so that I can move on.  And, if you recall, Jesus said, when asked by Peter how many times should I forgive my brother - seven times?  

And Jesus responded in Matthew 18:22:  "Not seven times, Peter, but seventy times seven times!" (TPT)

We have been given instructions to forgive always.  Even when the number of times is too many to count.  We have to let it go.  I want to.  I'm going to do this study, in spite of the pain and most uncomfortable feelings I will have to go through.  (stay tuned, I may write about some).

Have you let go ... and let God take over yet?  The annoying things we sometimes can... but it's the harder stuff that builds the wall.  

Tear down the wall and let forgiveness cover it all.  Just as you want God to forgive you.

Psalm 103:12 (NLT)  "He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west."

Let's do this - and live again.

Blessings!