As I brought up this blog today I noticed the months down the side and the numbers beside them. Yes, I've seen them before; I know what they are. Curious, I scanned down the list - looks like I started this blog in 2011 but what I found amusing is that in 2019, I only wrote 19 times the entire year! Could that be right? It looked like it was mostly once a month! I find that amusing since now I write almost daily. Do I ever have anything interesting to say? Or is it just my ramblings about life? Don't answer that!
I had a great breakfast with my boss yesterday and she was surprised at her gift. She is on PTO as of today until next Thursday - having foot surgery and figured she may be on pain meds and just didn't want to be loopy in a meeting. I'm glad she is taking time off. Of course she also works from home, but still, if one is on pain pills, they can make you say weird things some times.
Hubby hit me up again yesterday about heading up to Prescott for a 'retreat weekend'. I didn't say anything then, so he brought it up again last night, asking if I didn't think it was a good idea. "You always loved getting away on a retreat." And, yes, that is true. I just told him I wasn't 'feeling it'. And that's true as well. You know I love getting away and doing retreats. I've been wanting to go on a retreat. I can't explain why I'm not saying 'yes' right now. I don't have that answer. If he insisted - and he paid for it - perhaps I would be more interested. But I know who usually ends up paying for the room. And he loves going out to eat, and I'm content in these retreats to fast some meals. He is alone all day nearly every day. Even though I'm home, I'm working. He just wants to get off by ourselves.... I'm totally with him, usually in the same room, and we spend time together. Does that make sense? We can easily 'retreat' in our own home! Only I'd stay in this room, and he can have his 'office'. But since he is there all week, he wants a different view.
Now if he suggested we go to Tucson for a retreat, I'd be all over it cause I would make sure to spend some time with the granddaughter and her family. In fact, I've been looking at the calendar, trying to figure out when we could go down there. These last three months are pretty busy with activities so it just may not happen. Silly thing, they are only a couple hours away, not like being in another state.
Matthew 6:6 (NLT): "But when you pray, go away by yourself, shut the door behind you, and pray to your Father in private. Then your Father, who sees everything, will reward you."
I love that scripture and I used the New Living Translation above because I like the part that says 'go away by yourself'. When I'm with God, and I'm wanting to talk with Him, I really do like being alone. I can say a lot of prayers in my mind, and I usually do often, but when I can verbally talk, like I can in here in the mornings, I like being alone. It just makes it more real.
I do like this version of the same scripture though....
Matthew 6:6 (NKJV): "But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place, and your Father who sees in secret, will reward you openly."
This room is my 'secret place' for the time being. It's full of distractions, and some day I may be able to fix something up where I can have a secluded spot. God really doesn't care WHERE we meet with Him, He just wants us to feel free to sit and chat with Him a spell. He just wants us to give Him some attention; tell Him about our day, about our plans. He also wants to hear about the things we want, the things we do, and He really likes to hear us ask Him to help us. I look forward to the time when I don't have to keep an eye on the clock while I'm in here. And yes, when we are on a 'retreat', I don't have to watch the clock... I just know hubby likes to eat breakfast so it isn't just getting up and spending the morning in 'quiet time', it is getting started then going some place to eat, then going back to wherever we are and finishing up.
Maybe I'm the one who is wrong. Maybe my desire to be alone with God centers more on being ALONE with God. I miss the days I could do a retreat up in Black Canyon City at the hermitage. Yes, we could go up together, but it was one person to a hermitage. So why can't we each have a hotel room? I'd be willing to pay for that! Hubby just can't stand being alone. He has voiced many times that he is afraid that when he dies he will be totally alone. So he clings. And that drives me crazy.
I feel I'm never alone cause Jesus is always with me. I always have someone to talk to. And I'm not criticizing hubby for feeling the way he does. He has always had this fear. That's where we are different. I love being with people, but I'm content to be alone.
You wouldn't believe what was in my mind in the middle of the night last night! I began to wake in the middle of the night and my thoughts turned to Sheeba. I miss her so much. I miss Marley too.
and, with that, I'm hushing this morning. Hope that you have an amazing day! Shut yourself up in your room and spend some time with Jesus today. He is there, waiting for you.
Blessings!
