This past weekend was a fun weekend for me, for the most part. As I shared before, I got to spend one day with my boss at the Christmas Ideas House, and then the next day had lunch with a doctor friend (who actually delivered two of my grandchildren!) that I still work with, my boss, and another friend. Yesterday was another busy day in that I got to take care of a great-granddaughter for the very first time! Yep - I got to watch her for several hours while mom and dad went to see a concert. It truly went well - but wouldn't you know it, she was starting to get tired and as mom and dad pulled into the driveway, she started crying - and was crying as they came through the door. My first words were "honest! she didn't start crying until you pulled into the driveway!" I enjoyed my time with her, and of course she had my undivided attention all afternoon so I did nothing else - a novel thing for me.
Today I'm back to work - but I do have two appointments.... one medical and one for pleasure. I get a massage tonight - and probably one much needed. With having the osteopenia, I suppose I need to stop the deep massages that I like so well. But I can still get the firm ones, I believe. Of course hubby has to have his appointment right after mine so that we can go together - so both of us lose two hours. Heaven forbid that one of us should have someone else do the massage and go at the same time. He refused; he had to have the same person I selected - and we haven't even been to this place before! I just picked a place closer to us as where we used to go is quite a drive now. And.... I've started to ramble already - what's up with that?
I am reading a couple books here in the mornings, a chapter or two in each (why can't I just stick to one so that I can finish it?!) Both intrique me. One is 'Fasting through the Lord's Prayer' and the other is 'An Appeal to Heaven'. As it is less than a month when we begin our 21 day fast for 2022, I have been reading different books on Fasting. Some have been thought-provoking, some informative, and some even have me wanting to start NOW. If I HAD to, of course, I would start now, but it's Christmas! Fun foods, good foods, lots of cookies and candies - homemade at that! - how can I start now? Speaking of which, need to figure out which - if any - of the grandchildren want to come bake cookies. This is the first year I think I will be down to one, perhaps three, grandchildren. An era has come close to an end. My prayer is that the tradition of baking cookies together at Christmas will continue as they create their own families. We've had some fun times over the years. Since one group of grandchildren won't be over, I sent cookie dough to them and suggested they make their own. I don't know if they did or not, but one grandchild did send a text and thanked me for the cookie dough, so I can assume he did make cookies.
Back to the books I'm reading, they are beginning to stir my heart again for intercessory prayer. Over the years things have happened that crushed my spirit and I must admit I haven't prayed as I should. Oh I still pray, but the gift of intercession has waned. My broken heart would not allow me to dive into prayer like I used to - and I have truly missed it. I feel smothered, buried, forgotten and left behind. I need a revival in my soul and I am beginning to feel the embers start to burn again. Unless you have experienced what life is, you cannot understand the depth of what I have just written. Life is hard, I am sure you will admit that. But instead of focusing on what is happening TO us, we need to focus on what is happpening THROUGH us.
I can't tell you what to do to regain your spiritual fervor again.... if you feel you are right where you need or want to be - hallelujah! But I'm not where I want to be. It will take some adjustments, for hubby and for me. It can mean making adjustments in your own life. It means purging things of the past and getting through them. It means repenting and repairing. It means letting go of the past so that the future can be grabbed ahold of. Oh the future that one can have when it is secured in Jesus! Life may not be perfect in our eyes, but it is perfect in His. He can take every pain, every sorrow, every heartache, every bit of anger, every bit of distrust, and turn it into a glorious and rewarding thing.
As the new year approaches, perhaps one can begin thinking of what changes one should make in ones' life. This has been a year of intense struggles fo me (in my opinion), but it hasn't been to Jesus. The problems I have gone through are things that I need to learn - and some that I perhaps need to go back to the beginning of the year and read my rambling blogs so that I remember what He has taken me through. And be thankful. And be repentful. And be open to Grace.
Yes, we are just in the single digits still of the last month of 2021... but may I suggest that you begin thinking about where this year has taken you, what have you gone through, think about the plus and minus things .... and determine how you want this year to end. And how you want 2022 to begin. I want it to begin on a positive note, but even more than that, I want it to begin with my life surrendered to whatever the Lord has for 2022. Regardless of what I may have to go through; regardless of what journey the Lord will lead me to, my prayer is that I will lay down my life and allow Him to work through me to touch others for Him.
Jesus is all that we need in this world. We've put Him on the shelf so many times - (not speaking just of me - but of you too). It's so easy to put Him out of sight and just go with our own emotions and feelings - when He is the one who created those very same emotions and feelings. We can learn from them; we can grow from them; or we can wallow ... I've seen what wallowing in the past does to people. Things that happened 50 years ago, 20 years ago, 10 years ago, 5 years ago, last year, or even yesterday..... turns you to unflavored salt (like Lot's wife when she looked back) in our own life.
One thing I heard someone say (or I read it)... that makes real sense. "You can't go back and change what happened in the past.... but you can change how your response to the future will become." I am choosing a deeper future.... one that is relinquished to whatever God wants of me. I can't change my past; I can't change how I reacted or how I felt in the past. But I can change how I will live in the future. Free of my past. As the saying goes... "if it's to be, it's up to me.... with God's help."
Things to ponder on, don't you think? One thing I do know, and that is when we confess our sins, our anger, our bitterness, and those things we know are not of God, to Him, He takes them and remembers them no more - as far as the east is from the west. I am so grateful that when I confess those things I've done (and the devil will constantly remind you of them and tell you that you can't change, that you can't be forgiven for it), when I confess, God takes that confession and throws it to the wind - and remembers it no more. So when the devil tells you that you aren't good enough, that your sins and rebellion can not be forgiven, remind satan that He was defeated on the cross and that Jesus has forgiven you, and you will not carry that bag of sin around you any more. You left it at the foot of the cross, and there is remains. It doesn't mean we won't suffer the consequences of those sins... but it means that we have One who took those sins upon Himself on the cross, so that we don't have to carry them any more.
Start packing your bag with confession of whatever is troubling you. Jesus forgives. Let Him take your bag and remember it no more.
Blessings!
