We made it just fine....

 Day one is over.  The drive up here was fine- stopped at DQ as we came into town as we had left earlier than planned (hubby was anxious to get on the road and we were packed - so why wait?) and it was about 1-ish, I think.  We ate 'lunch' there and then headed over 1/2 mile or so to the hotel - and lucky us - the room was ready and they let us have it early.  Our room is nice; a bit smaller than I remembered, although the last time we stayed here we had the two-person jacuzzi which I opted out of this time.  I have to laugh, though, for my imagination got ahead of me.  Our 'patio'?  It consists of two chairs and a small table between them sitting on the 6x4' concrete pad.  It is covered too. :-)  As all of these are.  It's like a community of rooms and the middle has a lot of trees and some grass (I watched two squirrels playing as I sat outside yesterday) and all the 'furnished patios' face each other.  Only one other couple 'down the way' were even out on the fabulous patio yesterday.  They did say that a lot of firemen have been staying here so I imagine, as I heard their trucks come in late afternoon, the went to bed early after such a trying day.  There is still a fire aways north of us.  I think the clerk called it the 'Johnson fire'.  I thought there was one called the 'Woods Fire', but I don't really pay attention to where these are.

Something new here is that they have a breakfast.  It's in a separate building and is really pretty nice. Breakfast was eggs, bacon, sausage, make your own waffles (which I tried to and made a mess), juice, bagels, donuts, cereals, yogurt, fruit, coffee,.... and I don't remember what else. We ate enough, for sure. 

We came back and I went outside to read some more.  It has been so nice to be able to sit outside. I sat out there for a long time yesterday, just enjoying the coolness of the air and reading.  Went out there again after breakfast, and hubby joined for until I came in here.  You know I have to try and write something in here to give you something to read - regardless of what time it is. Which now is 9:30AM.  And hubby just came in from outside.

He asked me what I wanted to do today.  I tell him I'm on 'retreat', he is the one on 'vacation' as he gets to read all the time he wants to at home.  He can be annoying.  So I finally told him about 10:30AM let's go to Goodwill and stroll (groan, he just asked me 'who' was I writing to)... through there for awhile.  Then he wants to go get a good lunch (we will probably go to Denny's on the opposite corner).  I brought enough 'snacks' that we made it dinner last night - strawberries, cheese and crackers.  And Oreos.  So he said if we can eat a good lunch (wherever we go), we can have the strawberries, cheese and crackers again tonight and not have to go out for dinner.  Works for me.  I'm content to stay here and sit outside and read.  But, he isn't.  Things have changed a lot since his three friends are no longer available for get togethers at lunch anymore.  He is home all the time, except for Tuesday nights and Friday mornings now.  He doesn't know what to do with himself.  He reads a lot. He watches TV a lot (usually afternoons). So now that we are out of town, he 'wants' to do something other than sit and read - which is what I want to do.

It's hard for me to write in here with him nearby.  I get questions as to what do I write about, what am I writing in, who am I writing to, what am I writing.... and it not only distracts my thinking process (which is little), but I feel like big brother is watching over my shoulder.  That is the disadvantage of being in a hotel room versus an airbnb.  A hotel room has one large room and a bathroom.  An airbnb has other rooms in which I can separate myself and be alone in my Bible reading and in my book reading and in my writing.  I didn't even bother to write in my journal this morning.  I had planned to. May not this trip.

And I'm sure some of you won't understand any of that.  You have a relationship where you aren't questioned about everything and you are given the respect of quiet when you are in your 'quiet time' and not interrupted with 'what are you doing' or anything like that.  I don't always have that luxury so I am always looking over my shoulder or expecting to be interrupted.  Again.

So with that, I am going to stop here and see what I need to do in order to be ready to leave when hubby wants to go.  I commented yesterday that I wished he liked hiking and walking - two things that I really enjoy.  He angrily responded 'it's not that I don't want to, I'm not able to!'.  And that is true, sorta, now.  If it was me, I would push myself to be able to walk further. I wouldn't sit in a recliner or chair all day and not exercise my legs and core as much as I could.  Morgan tries to get him to work them more, but riding a bicycle 30 minutes when I'm working out is not enough to build strength where he needs it - especially when one keeps the tension on very light.  Sure, he rides 3-5 miles in 30 minutes - but seriously, if the tension was at a 3 or 5 or whatever - it would use the muscles... if you know what I mean.  So the question remains...."do you want to get well?"  And that question can apply to any of us.

Have trouble breathing?  Start focusing on breathing deeper and strengthening your lungs.  Have trouble walking?  Take the effort to walk a half a block and then expand it a little at a time until you can walk all the way around the block.  Or like Ms. Vicky, she has a very bad leg thanks to a blotched surgery years ago.  She has to use a walker most of the time.  But she goes to the pool every day and walks twenty laps back and forth every day.  And because of that, her leg is stronger to where for short distances she can walk from her recliner to the kitchen and back without her walker.  She is slowly regaining her life.  Unlike Ms. Diane - who laid in bed or sat in her recliner - and refused to walk any - even with her walker.  Both use walkers; one chooses to get better, one doesn't care.

I want to live a long life, but I want to LIVE my long life, if you know what I mean.  I can only remember my mother sitting at the kitchen table every single day.  She walked very little.  I love my mother dearly, but I do not want to spend my life sitting at a kitchen table waiting for someone to come visit.  I want to live my life doing life.

And I need to get off here before more questions come.  Maybe I'll have things to write about tomorrow. May end up skipping a day or two - but we go back home on Thursday so by Friday morning I will have my space again. :-)  Didn't realize how much I missed it. :-)

Have a blessed day!

Blessings!

Oh - and I forgot my mouse.  I knew I forgot something!

Thoughts that trouble me....

 I have several thoughts that trouble me... and am praying about.  I feel helpless, unable to do anything about it.  There are actually several thoughts that have been troubling me, things I have to keep within my own mind, but there is one that I will share this morning. I guess it is weighing heavily on my mind because it just happened yesterday.  And I'm afraid.  Afraid of what the future will hold.  Gratefully, I am glad I know WHO holds the future.

My day yesterday started out so fun!  Yes, it was Friday, but I took the day off work, as did my favorite boss.  We met up at our old office building and she drove to another location where we attended the Christmas Ideas House.  A club puts it on every year.  She took me for the first time a couple years ago and we had so much fun.  Last year it was cancelled - as many things were.  She buys the tickets as part of my Christmas gift from her.  We have to park at one location, then a bus picks us up and takes us to where the Christmas Ideas House is.  It was a different place this year, but both years I've attended the house has to be 10,000 square feet or more!  They are huge!!  

The take around 6-8 rooms of this house and it is filled with things people in this group have made - and each item is reasonably priced.  When we arrive we are given a bag to use to put our things in.  Sometimes we are given booties to wear so that our shoes don't ruin the carpet; but they ran out before we got there this year.  Yeah, it's a big event.  It didn't seem to be as big as I remembered from the first year, and even my boss commented on it.  But it was still oh so fun!

Our first stop was to eat a catered breakfast/brunch.  Oh my!  We had two kinds of quiche, ham, cheesy potatoes, french toast (this was real unique, I'll tell you more later), bowls of cut up pineapple, strawberries, blackberries, blueberries, honey dew melon, cantaloupe, with hot syrup, and a broccoli salad and a green salad.   Coffee and Orange juice as well.  All so very good!  Ah - the french toast - it was like they took french bread and cut it in one inch slices.  Dipping that in egg, they fried it, and here is what made it so good - they put two slices together and put cream cheese between them, just a little bit - and it brought out a whole new flavor with the syrup over all of it.  Oh my goodness.  It was so good.

After filling our bellies, we grabbed our bags and started through the rooms to shop.  And shop we did.  We both purchased several items; I thought for sure that I spent more than my boss did - but I didn't.  She had bought an arrangement to put on a mantel (I sure do miss my fireplace and mantel!) and I didn't.  I bought really very few things when I opened the bag at home - it just seemed like I bought a lot.  If I had a place to 'sell' these items, I would love to work on crafts all year at  my own pace and sell them.  They had some really cool ideas.  Some very simple, in fact.  Some were things like bags of homemade peanut brittle (I am hoping to make some this year), chocolate balls, fudge, and then there were boxes of the molten lava cakes (yum) and cheeseballs.  Let's just end all my descriptions with it was a fun few hours with my boss and it felt so good to be out with people and doing something fun.

When I got back home we went to find hubby a suit for the wedding.  We first went to Penney's... and this surprised me... when we found someone to help, he just didn't seem to care about helping.  He measured hubby, but it was more like we were on our own in finding something because they don't do alterations.  Well, hubby's size requires some alterations... and I'm not saying that in a bad way.  Because he doesn't truly work out anymore, and he has issues with his one shoulder, his shoulders have shrunk.  I noticed it a lot last Sunday when he wore a suit coat to speak at the RV park; the coat hung off his shoulders... I know you have seen 'that look' on many older men.  Because Penney's wouldn't help us at all, we left there and went to Men's Warehouse, where I must admit they were overly helpful.  I was grateful.  From the moment we walked into the door and stated we needed to buy hubby a suit, someone was with us constantly, asking questions on what we wanting, offering ideas, etc.  I was very grateful and very pleased with the service we received from not just the person helping us,  but also another man who came by frequently and checked to be sure we were getting what we wanted.  It didn't take long for hubby to decide on a dark grey suit.  The salesman had measured him and found one that fit him pretty good - except for the shoulders.  The salesman said that hubby was a 'petite man' but did need to have soem things done to the coat.  Hubby could button the coat, which made him happy.  The pants they gave him were not hemmed intentionally; they were to be sized to fit.  I had already told hubby to let them measure and not give his opinion on what his size was.  Once he had the suitcoat and the pants on, they called out a man to fit the suit to him.  It was amazing.  He pinned about an inch or so down the middle of the back and the coat fit so much better.  Hubby said he liked the sleeves where they were so I kept my thought of it should be about 1/2 inch shorter to myself.  They measured the pants to where they thought they should be.  As he went to change back to his regular clothes, I decided that he may as well get a good white shirt to go with it - and to ensure that it fit, I had them pull one (size 17, 32-33) and they wanted him to try it on (probably to ensure it fit all over).

This is where I am troubled.  When hubby came out of the dressing room with the shirt on, he had the buttons wrong.  It was hanging lopsided about 3 buttons down, and hubby didn't seem to realize it.  The salesman was so kind and quietly mentioned that "sir, it looks like you got the buttons messed up"... and hubby looked confused and made a comment, of which I don't remember.  The salesman just said "no problem, we really just need to check the neck size", and made sure the neck could easily be buttoned.  He could see that it did fit across the middle.   Hubby changed back to his clothes, we paid for it, and left.  They will call in a couple weeks for him to come back and check the fitting.  The troubling thought... what is going on with hubby's mind?  If you are in a dressing room, with mirrors, wouldn't you look in the mirror to see how something looked before you came out?  Why did he not understand he had buttoned the shirt wrong?  Unfortunately, this has happened before here at home and I caught it and he fixed it.  So many little things are starting to happen and I am troubled, and am becoming afraid of what the future may hold.

All I can do is pray.... and pray I do.  Some days seem just fine for days on end... then all of a sudden it is thrown a curve.  This morning he comes into my room as I'm doing my quiet time to bring my coffee, as he usually does.  Only this time he asks "How did you sleep?"  I looked at him, puzzled, for most of the time, other than my saying 'thank you' for my coffee, we don't talk; I'm usually reading when he comes in.  Before I could respond, he got angry and commented he just wanted to know how I slept.  Well, I commented back that it is unusual for him to ask me that in the middle of my quiet time - and he turns to leave the room - and slams the door.  Because I didn't respond the way he thought I should?  I don't know what to do anymore.  I tell him things that I want him to share with his doctor... and I don't think he does.... or if he does, he makes so light of it that it isn't conveyed as a concern.  The last time he said he told his doctor what I had said about him constantly asking me questions.... he does it to make me talk to him.  HUH?  When hubby is with others a short time, he is usually focused so they don't see what I see.  I've tried to talk to hubby about it... but he gets angry, so I try to remember to write things down, but I haven't done that so much lately.  It is probably good that I am working from home, so that I am here to notice these things.

That's how our God is.... even though we don't always care for how things come about.... He is always at work in every situation.  If I wasn't at home, I probably wouldn't notice so much that hubby will not do some things.  It's hard to explain here so I won't.  I have to trust that God is still in control and will still direct our paths.  I don't know what the future holds, but I know Who holds the future.

Life isn't always what we dreamed it would be; life is hard, sometimes.  But I also know there are wives and husbands who are going through a lot more than we are.  Perhaps you are one of those whose dreams have been shattered and you just live life day by day.  I'm sorry.  I wish I could make it better for you.  But I can pray.  I don't know who you are, but God does.  I don't know what you are going through, but our Savior does.  

And what I do know, is that Jesus said He would never leave us nor forsake us, and I believe Him.  He is walking us through whatever life throws at us.  He isn't surprised by what we are going through.  He's walking us through it all.  Hang on for the ride.

Blessings!