I don't know why I often sit here in the mornings thinking what to title this daily blog... and pretty much then base what I write.... on what I make the title. This morning as I sat here, the song 'Crazy Faith' comes to mind. Where did that come from?
In the movie 'War Room' there is one scene where it is played. I think. As I sit here, I can see this scene, and I know it is from 'War Room', but is it the song that is being played? Hmmm now I'm not sure. Oh well, I have the title.... let's run with it.
What does it mean to have crazy faith? Heck if I know! What could be a definition of crazy faith? Could it be believing in something NO MATTER WHAT? Regardless of what happens, continuing to believe in what you believe?
I read Luke 24 and John 20 this morning in my Bible and it talks about when Jesus died and how devastated everyone was, especially the disciples. Had hope and faith left them? After all, it is easy to have hope and faith when Jesus was alive and telling them all these things. After all, He was there, right? But what happened when He wasn't? At least physically.
Confusion. Uncertainty. Fear. I'm sure many more things came about them. They would me! In fact, the times that I haven't felt God near me, I have felt those things. Lost. Hopeless. Unworthy. Empty. Have you ever felt those things?
Maybe you don't know Jesus personally. Inside, if you would admit it, do you feel lost? Empty? Confused? Angry, perhaps? Burdened? What part do you not understand of the entire Bible sharing how much you are loved by Jesus? He loves you so much (present tense, not just past tense) that He went to the cross for you. There isn't anyone who would do that for you.....but Jesus.
Sometimes in this world it does take crazy faith to get through it. Faith that will sustain you during the most difficult times of your life. I think this morning of a family who recently lost this 1 year old son to a brain tumor and then a lung infection. My heart grieves for them. A friend of a relative who lost her husband recently, and how her heart is grieving this morning. Two deaths that I have been touched through. Crazy Faith. Devastation and pain for the family who doesn't know Jesus as Lord, and peace in knowing they will see the loved one again for the other.
I prefer to have crazy faith. I choose to believe in what is hard to believe in. I choose to hope in the salvation of those I love. I choose to not give up when words hurt and situations create havoc and pain, but have crazy faith to believe that all things work for the good of those who love God.
And I love God. Sometimes my words may not come across right. I may do things that people may question. My behavior may be questionable at times. But this I know. Jesus is my Lord and my Savior and in all my failures and in all things, He still loves me. He forgives me. He opens my eyes to things that I need to fix, things I need to let go of, and when I need to step away from people who are toxic. And, when I don't... it just creates turmoil within myself.
Last night I got a text from my little sister and the entire conversation was strange. But, for her, it was normal. I just wasn't in the mood to play the game. I haven't talked with her for about a week. Over this past week, I have called her, text'd her, but she hasn't answered the phone or responded to the text. No big deal. I let it go. So yesterday was a busy day and I didn't text nor try to call. I get a text in the evening 'Don't you miss me at all'? and a teary emoiji. So I text'd back that yes, I missed her, but I had called a total of 4-5 times, with no response, and had text'd with no response. Yesterday was a tough day so I hadn't done either. So then I get this response 'oooookkkkaaaayyyyy.... maybe we should talk tomorrow ...... after you've had a couple bottles of wine under your belt' (what is that about?) goodnight.' I asked 'and you respond that way because....' and I get 'because you sound like you are wanting to pick a fuss and I don't wanna'. I just said ok and goodnight. What was that all about? Apparently I am on her timetable for catching up. I had tried during the past week to touch base, but she chose not to respond - and that's ok. We don't need to talk every day, although we go spells where we do. It was 8PM our time, 11PM her time, and I don't usually get on the phone that late at night. When we talk, unless it is something critical, it is usually 4-6PM timeframe. Oh well. Maybe today we can connect and I'll get to hear what's on her mind. Sometimes I just need to back away and let things be. I'm still scratching my head over that conversation. She will pretend the conversation never happened - or it was all my fault. Whatever it is.
Yeah... I think that conversation popped into my mind from what I wrote in the previous paragraph. But sometimes when things happen you just have to roll with them.
I choose to have crazy faith.... believing in everyone regardless of who or what they are. I want to believe that deep down they are good people, that deep down, they love Jesus like I do. They just choose to live a different way. I know my personality irritates some people (they make it plain) and theirs sometimes irritates me. But we are all still God's people. I still believe that God loves them just as much as He loves me. Some people are just harder to love.
And now I'm back to my usual rambling. My foot is still painful.... it's been 10-11 days. I'll give it until Monday and then I'm calling my podiatrist. It shouldn't still be hurting this way. And the blue in front of my little toes is still there. Just a faint blue. I'm wondering if I pulled a tendon around the toes (do we have tendons around toes?) or something. I don't know. All I know is it is still painful.
Hope that your day is painless, joyful, and productive. Dig deep for that crazy faith in you - it's there.
Blessings!
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