Well, I did it. I went to the gym yesterday for my initial free step on the scale (terrifying) and get a body composition (I don't think I like being showed I may be full of fat... just saying). So grateful that God looks at the heart and not the body, let's put it that way. I committed to going to the gym a minimum of twice a week.... at 5:30AM on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Yes, that will mess me up typing in here so I may be missing a couple days a week. My Bible comes first, and prayer... then I will be getting dressed and heading to the gym for a short workout. When I get back, it will be time to get on the computer for work; or thereabouts. At least I don't have to be 'pretty' to sign in for work. And I can take a shower during a break period. I've always said that only God can stand this face early in the morning... well, we will see if I clear out the gym or not. I need more energy, I need to build up my bones, and I need to feel better about myself; quit putting myself down becaues I don't like the way I look. I need to do something about it - and I am. It won't be quick or overnight... it may take a year to get where I want to be physically... but at least I have taken the first step. When I don't go to the gym, I can get on the treadmill here. Unfortunately the treadmill only does cardio; it doesn't build up strength, and at my age now, that is what I need.
The body composition showed my arms are strong...sorta... but my legs aren't quite up to par. I need to build them up as they will be what is supporting me the rest of my life. I want to walk where I'm going; know what I mean? I blame my lack of leg strength on sitting all day for three years (thank you, COVID) and not getting up and walking like I was when in the office. My friends and I would take a quick break and do a quick walk around the parking lot, or I'd go climb up 5-10 flights of stairs (and think I was dying) trying to build strength. I have to take proactive measures now.... at 73, my bones will not get stronger unless I do something about it.
I went to the gym yesterday and met with the trainer who does the first initial consultation and got my results. I made it very clear to them.... because he had mentioned 'your husband said you would be coming in today....' that my body and my training for my body was MY business.... it was not my husband's. I told them what happened with Planet Fitness, and if they wanted me to continue to go to the gym for MYSELF.... then they need NOT to tell hubby anything about my training... and if he makes any comments about what I "need"... they are not to supply him with any information. That may sound cruel... but.... until you are in my shoes... Hubby went to the gym this morning for his initial assessment, and has made the decision, so he tells me, to go to the gym @ 7:30AM on Mondays and Wednesdays. He can do that. I have to work. The reason he says Mondays and Wednesdays, so he says... is that I have told him (numerous times) that I do not want him watching me work out; I don't want his 'suggestions or advice' on how I need to do the equipment, (and I definitely don't need him coming over to lay his claim on me when a man walks by and says hello on his way to another piece of equipment.). I'm 73 years old, fat, and just want to do my own workout!!!! Tuesday and Thursday mornings at 5:30AM may be difficult for me for awhile.... I love my time in here ... but I can start work at 7AM if I go at that time and not have to make up my time. And it gets me there. Alone. I don't mind if hubby goes at the same time, and there will be times we will go together... but not when I want to do a focused workout. If I'm going to just do a light workout and the stair-stepper or elipical machine (which I don't have at home), it's ok. Maybe.
I will be doing a drive to Mesa tomorrow morning but won't need to go down until about 9-ish. My one boss is having a meeting and said I could come for lunch. I need to go today and pick up a couple cases of water to take. I ordered sandwiches from McAllisters which will be delivered later that morning. I need to make sure I have everything set up today as the meeting will start before I get there. It will be nice to have a 'break' in my normal routine of just scheduling meetings. And lately they have been a bear - several hour and a half meetings on an already back-to-back schedule is nervewracking - especially when it involves numerous high-level leadership. This is the part of my job that I don't care much for... it's frustrating when it just won't come together as I want it to.
Hubby and I flipped back and forth on the cabin again yesterday. We discussed cancelling it... but when we brought it up .... we get 0 of the deposit he has already paid, which was quite a bit! We have until 30 days prior to cancel... and we are 80 days out... and they say they won't refund any of it. So I told hubby, since he has it in the bank (the balance)... we are going. I'm not going to just hand them that money. Ugh. I hate spending any money when we can just stay home and do things from here. But, he went on and on about how it's 'for me because you need a break from the heat and from work and get away from everyone.'.... yeah... I 'heard' what he was saying. And it angers me, but he has always been that way. Enough said.
Do you ever feel that your mind is a battlefield? You know what you SHOULD do, you know what you WANT to do... but that nudging, that itching, comes in the mind... and you end up doing what you DON'T want to do. You want to be kind and nice to people... but then... someone says something that sets you off... or someone moves the wrong way and it irritates you. That is the enemy putting those emotions in your mind. So how do we take care of that?
Ephesians 6:17 (NKJV): "Take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit; which is the Word of God...."
Yep - we need to put on that helmet to block the thoughts the enemy tries to put in our minds. It's like looking at a piece of chocolate cake while on a diet.... you know you want it... but you also know it isn't good for you.... it can hurt your body... but it tastes so good, your mind tells you.... and you give in.
Been there, done that. I can tell you from experience.... Even just one bite of that chocolate cake (or piece of dark chocolate candy) will not taste anywhere as good as my mind is telling me that it will ... if I have told myself that in order to lose weight, I need to let some of my bad habits go..... I will confess, years ago.... I would buy a Little Debbie's box of brownies... and because hubby wouldn't let me have chocolate when I wanted it... I would sit in the grocery store parking lot and eat every.single.one of those packages before I left the parking lot. The same with a Snickers.... I would buy it, sit in the car and eat it all, then would hide the wrappers in my purse and drive home. No wonder I have packed on the weight, huh! No, I haven't done that in years... but the years have taken their toil. I let my mind tell me how good those brownies, that Snickers, was going to taste... and you know what... once I ate them, they didn't taste near as good as I let the mind tell me they would. I still fail once in a while....and may grab a Snickers or something that I sneak and eat.... (I sneak it because I don't want someone to get after me and make me feel guilty)... but it is because I allow my mind to tell me how good it would taste... and then after I eat it... I know it wasn't near as good as my mind told me it was, and I get angry with myself because I gave in. It never satisfies the intense longing for acceptance within me.
Do you ever do that? Maybe it isn't on chocolate stuff... maybe it is on food in general. I do that too. I love mashed potatoes and brocolli, or mashed potatoes and corn... and I can eat helping after helping of it, until I am so stuffed... and it's ok to have any of that stuff in moderation... I really believe it is - even the chocolate! - but in moderation and it will never taste as good when eaten in private as it does out in the open. Right?
Well, my rambling is getting away from me and I see the clock is telling me I need to get started on my day. Put on the helmet of salvation.... let that helmet block the thoughts the enemy puts in there. YOU ARE VALUABLE. YOU ARE WORTHY. YOU BELONG TO JESUS. The enemy will continue to drag you down and let you feel unworthy and unvalued... but those are just lies. The devil is a liar. Don't believe him.
In God's eyes, you have great worth; great value. You are enough. Let the helmet block the words of the enemy... and celebrate the goodness of God for you.
Blessings!
