Somewhat disappointed, but not suprised

 There seems to be a lot of medical stuff going on in my family right now, and it appears I am not the exception, although I had hoped I was.  No, nothing serious that I am aware of.  But I am disappointed.  Surprised too.  I went yesterday to get my Dexa Scan (bone density) and my mammogram completed. My yearly for the mammogram, and every other year Dexa Scan.  My doctor got the reports the same day - yesterday - as I had taken the tests - and even had already posted in My Portal the response!  So - I went over to see what she had to say, so that I'd have something to share this morning.  Hmmmm. sigh.

I get to go back for another mammogram and now an ultrasound, which doesn't surprise me.  It's on the same side as I had to do it last year, the same side that I had numerous tests completed on in years past.  Next year I will suggest just doing the views and ultrasound the first time and be done with it.  But, anyway, wasn't too surprised I would have to return and have more views taken. It does somewhat concern me that they are looking at a different area on that side, but I am not worried about it.  

What I am disappointed in is my Dexa Scan results.  I had high hopes that my bones would be much stronger and I could look forward to going off the Fosamax in a couple years.  They said I could only be on it for 5 years, then it would need to be changed.  My Dexa Scan did show 'some' improvement, but not much.  Sigh. It 'says' I have a 20% chance of a hip fracture in the next five years.  Seriously?  ANYthing can happen in five years - right?  So if I'm in a car accident, and my hip gets fractured, does that mean the scan was right?  I had really hoped that with working out that I had built up my bones (and not just muscles) and that they would be stronger.  I am disappointed for I want to be rid of these pills. I don't like putting 'stuff' in my body, except what I WANT to put in it.  But - I am getting older and in older people this does happen.  Is this a reality check?  

I've asked God to let me live to 103.  Why that age?  Because the oldest one in my entire family that I'm aware of was my Aunt Grace, my mama's sister, who lived to 102.  So why can't I live to 103?  But to do so, I want to do it healthy.  I asked God that if I can't be healthy, then take me sooner, but if He will keep my body strong and healthy (and I do have to do my part in that), I want to be the oldest living person in my family line. Wouldn't that be cool?

USPS had me throwing a hissy fit yesterday.  I paid extra for a package to be delivered to my sister and it was to be delivered yesterday by 9PM.  Guess what.  It wasn't.  If it didn't arrive by Saturday, tomorrow, I was going down to the post office and ask for my money back.  Yes, if you pay to get something there by a certain time and it doesn't arrive, they will refund your entire package cost.  I know, because it happened before on a package and I was surprised they not only gave me back the extra, but the entire postage I had paid.  Well, at 3:31AM this morning, because I signed up for tracking on the package (one package a few months ago went to Chicago, then to Florida, before going to Indiana!!).  USPS on one text said 'expected delivery' and a second one came with 'out for delivery'.  So I should get a call this morning I'm hoping.  I had sent the afghan I had made for her friend in this package as well as several other things for my little sister.  Grateful they found the package.  Every time I checked tracking last night it was still in Phoenix!

Hubby is getting ready to head out to his Bible study this morning.  Which means I have a couple hours alone. With work, of course.  But it shouldn't be too busy today. At least that's what I'm hoping.  I'm so ready for this week to be over with.  I am wanting to play with my baking and work on my projects.  I need to call a granddaughter who bakes awesome bread and have her come teach me - or at least walk me through - some things on this sourdough starter mix.  I ordered from King Arthur and need to go pick up their flour at the store.  I got a package from them the other day, but the starter had leaked out of the container, so I contacted them.  They are sending me a new one.  My granddaughter had offered a start from hers some time ago, but I had turned it down then.  But she hasn't brought bread over for awhile - not that she needs to or has to - but I want to make some for Christmas gifts and I need to learn how to do it.  I even bought some bags to put it in. I've been thinking how fun it would be to fix small baskets up for my neighbors for Christmas of bread and jam, and maybe salsa and chips and pickles. I am getting antsy to get back to canning pickles and jams and well, the salsa has to wait until just before Christmas or it will ferment.  I usually make quarts for everyone, but I think I'm going to pints this year. (erase, erase). :-)  I need to go buy more pint jars as I go through them quickly.  Some return the quarts, pints, empty - but they return them.  Others don't.  And that's ok. It's part of their gift.  They can put change in them. :-)  LOL But most return for refills at some point.

Which reminds me, I need to make salsa and at least one jar of pickles this weekend.  My boss' birthday is Tuesday and we are meeting on Wednesday for our 'breakfast Admin meeting' so that I can give her the gifts.  I don't think I have bought anything for her yet so will need to get out this weekend and do that as well.  Boss' day is October 16th so I may as well give her those gifts.  I did buy a couple things for her - a book that is blank on the inside, but the cover says 'things I wanted to say in a meeting but didn't'.  And a candle which has on it something like 'being your employee is gift enough'.  I did send her a birthday danish pastry from O&H Danish Bakery which should arrive on her birthday at her home. She is a special person to me and I owe a lot to her for letting me tag along with her on this work journey.  

I've been trying to remember what cookies I made for my kids last year when I gave them the 'mama loves you' plates. I had told them I didn't get them back - but of course I relented and two have returned them. I asked the youngest the other day about his plate; he said I had said it wasn't to come back - but I told him the others had so if he wants a refill this year, to get it back to me.  With little ones at his house now, cookies would probably be welcomed.  White chocolate chip macadamia nut for my oldest son, I'm thinking it was.... cheesecake cookies do it for my daughter... and I think the youngest wanted chocolate chip almond or something like that.  I will have to ask him for I don't remember as it was something that normally doesn't go together, I think.  But I love to bake for them and would do it more often - but they don't need the cookies either!

Which reminds me.... I told the youngest he needs to come over with his granddaughter (without the spouse) some time in December and we bake cookies together.  Then in our discussion we sorta decided I would take care of his granddaughter and he would take hubby out to a movie.  Win win - right?  I had forgotten and yesterday I mentioned that we need to get a date on the calendar for he and his granddaughter to come over to bake cookies.... he corrected me and said that he would drop her off - and would take hubby off my hands - we both will be baby-sitting.  HAH!

I know hubby enjoys the attention when anyone takes him out for a meal or movie and often comments that he feels left out when I get to do something with family and he isn't included.  There is nothing I can say.  I don't tell him I feel left out when he goes to have breakfast or lunch with his friends.  I need to have lunch with my friend Melonie - I just can't find the time.  But maybe I can today.  I'll have to check the work calendar and see if I can run away for an extended lunch.

Matthew 6:33 (NIV):  But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

I'm sure I have elaborated on this sentence before, but have you really stop to think about what it means?  We often ask God for everything. Whether it is good test results, financial help, wisdom to know what to do, healing of family members - but are we just asking Him.... and not seeking Him?  His Word tells us that if we seek HIM first, not that He will give us all we ask for, but He will be with us to attain all that we desire.  If we don't receive what we ask for, it doesn't mean we didn't seek Him enough, it just means His answer was 'no'.  Sometimes we ask amiss.  I know I do.  I know other people who ask amiss as well.  I'm sure you know some as well.

For example - if you are a spender - whether on nonsense things or even buying for other people or spending a lot of money for things you may not really need, or going out to eat a lot - and money is tight and you've blown the budget..... such as it is..... and you ask God for financial help.... that doesn't make sense, does it?   We withhold our tithe because we don't have money enough to pay the bills, we think, and then stop to grab some hamburgers for lunch.   We didn't put God first.  

When we put God first, all things will work out for His good - and our good.  I truly believe that.  I have seen His hand upon our finances, I have seen His answers to prayers when in desperation we cried out to Him for help.  I have seen His hand in healings.  I have felt His comfort when I am grieving and alone.  I have felt His presence when I needed a friend.  I have heard His voice - and that is the best thing ever.  

Seek Him first.  You will never regret it. It's not just about money.  It's about choosing Him to be Lord of your life, and in all that you do.  We don't have to be perfect to come to Him; He accepts us just as we are.  If He can take me from where I was, and bring me to where I am - still not perfect, but know that I am His - then He will do it for you.  Will you let Him?

Blessings!

Trusting works - no matter what

 As I sat in the room after my tests yesterday (repeat tests; they thought they saw something the first time), I felt joy.  I was at complete peace.  I was alone, and God and I were having this conversation.  I could feel joy because if something was found, and if I died, I would be with Jesus.  But if nothing was found, and I lived, I could still share about Jesus to others.  It was a win win.  Just like Paul said....

Philippians 1:21 (NKJV):  "For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain."

I had several minutes alone after the tests.  Yes, I prayed before the tests that nothing would be found; that if anything HAD been there, it would no longer be.  I reflected on my life; have I made a difference in someone's life.  Oh, the devil was throwing thoughts at me too - 'they're taking a long time because they found something.  Your life is going to be miserable.  Think about how you will tell everyone you are going to die.  How will your children react at the news?...."  and on and on.  

I finally spoke to my mind and told the devil to go back where he belongs - HELL!  And I had such peace because I know that I know that I know, I am in the palm of my Savior's hands.  No matter what the results were.... I am first of all, HIS.  And He would walk with me, and carry me, through whatever came at me.

BUT - and here is the GOOD news!!   Whatever they thought they saw at my first testing.... they no longer could find.  Hallelujah!  I was not afraid; I was at peace.... and when they came back into the room after the radiologist read my reports from the two tests.... it was determined I was fine.  Follow up in one year as normal.  Yeah, it's a normal yearly test.  

And yes, I was thanking God and praising Him for the good report.  I know He isn't finished working IN me yet, and hopefully He will continue to direct me to where He wants me to be to share Him with others. I'm not sure what His plans are for me, but I have asked to keep me focused on Him and eyes opened to opportunities to share Him with others.

This morning, as I read in the New Testament, it's odd, but something drew me back to the beginning of my Bible.  I still don't know what, other than the Holy Spirit, but I believe I am to start over in my Bible once again now, rather than at the first of the year.  So I started reading in Genesis again.  There is so much treasure in my Bible!  I wish I had more time to read it.  I need to make more time, but I really do enjoy just reading it in here in my morning time... but with hubby leaving the TV off last night, I was able to read some in my Bible.  I just get distracted when others are around.  I want to focus on God's Word and inhale it; memorize it; know it.  

God changed my life; He changed who I was; He is making me into who He wants me to be.  After years of heartache and struggles, He has blessed me and has made life much easier.  I still go through heartaches, but He walks with me through them.  I truly am lost without Him holding me.

Until you have that type of relationship with Jesus, until you give Him yourself, you will never be satisfied.   You will never feel peace.  You will always feel troubled, confused, disoriented, and distracted by life.  You will feel like you are just missing 'something' that would make you whole.  Your family doesn't feel right.  So much uncertainty, distractions, confusion, frustrations abound.  And in the meantime, you cry out for peace, for joy, for comfort, for love.  You don't want to just know it, you want to feel it.  Yes, there is a difference.

For example, I know my children love me.  Well, I'm pretty sure they do.  But when I get a text, a phone call, a note, an acknowledgement of any kind - from one of them, I get the feeling I am loved.  Does that make sense?  If you stop and think about it; I think you have experieneced those emotions too.

Jesus gives us the peace, the love, the comfort that we seek.  He is the only way to the Father.  If you want to go to heaven to be with those you love who passed before you; grandparents, parents, siblings... you need to think about which way you are walking.  Are you walking to life, or are you walking to death?  Life is only found in Jesus.  Choose to live.  Following Jesus isn't hard at all.  It's all about your choices.

Keep looking up, Jesus is the only way to our Heavenly Father.

Blessings!