Whew - it WAS a mistype!

 I read my son's blog this morning and he shared his Monday with his readers - and he corrected himself (if he even realized he mistyped the day before) and gave his weight after his paracentesis.  THAT made me feel a bit better!  He still has 100+ pounds on me!  My eating habits must improve or I will be joining him, I'm afraid!

We had leftover soup for lunch yesterday.  I wish hubby wouldn't nag at me about eating. Just because HE always eats.... sigh.  But I didn't eat until about 2PM (don't tell me what to do!) and then about 5PM, I decided I wanted a ten minute nap. After working yesterday, I just felt completely exhausted. Took a ten minute nap, woke up and wanted MY tacos.  (can't stand taco bell anymore)  So off to Safeway - who, although a bit more expensive, to me they have the best and freshest meat.  AND, I buy the hamburger from the deli and you don't get that stringy hard ground beef.  Some of you know what I mean.  Came home, cooked up some of the beef, added taco seasoning, then when done, heated up a tortilla in the microwave, put the meat in, added tomato, onions and lettuce, and salsa and cheese and sour cream...and mmm o so good!  Simple, quick, and yummy.  

I decided yesterday I/we needed to get away for the weekend.  I'm tired. These four walls are enclosing me. And I need to get refocused on God for the new year coming quickly.  I had points on my credit card so used 53K of them for two nights at a hotel about 15 minutes away.  Of course that made hubby happy.  sigh. Yes, I have to include him; he would never let me go stay by myself.  I've even offered to get us both our own rooms - and he refuses.  He's so afraid of 'losing' me he has to keep me in his sight or very close by.  I want to be alone with God for 2-3 days.  He wants to be alone with me. And God.   Rolling my eyes here.  Clingy, yes.

Ok - just deleted a few paragraphs.  Why? Because you don't need nor want to hear my every comment and thought that runs through my head.  This isn't a daily journal - and yet, I guess it is, right?  Glad I have a new journal to take with me on the getaway this weekend.  I CAN write down my thoughts with God.  He does like to 'read' them. :-) 

Started a new book last night - no way I will get it completed before the end of the year - and no, I did not meet goal for 2025 in Goodreads.  Just checked - got 47 out of 50 books read.  I have a few I'm reading, so at least should have a good start for 2026, once I finish them.  I'll leave my goal at 50 books until I achieve it - or go beyond it.  December was a tough month this year or I think I could have made it.  But - I didn't.  'it is what it is', right?

John 16:33 (NIV):  "I have told you these things, so that in me you will have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Yeah, there were and are lots of things that cause me to over-stress and be frustrated - and it seems to happen more when I get my eyes off Jesus and on to the situation.  How many times do we do that?  We focus on the problem, instead of focusing on the SOLUTION to the problem.  We catch a cold and focus on how many times we sneeze or cough, or how often we blow our nose... instead of let's take a pill that will cause the symptoms to fade (some) - and go on with life (which is what I think I am going to have to do - catching a cold I think).  I don't need to 'tough out' a cold.  Take a pill, right?

Or work. I could go there too.  I can continue to mention (and do) and whine I don't have the minutes completed.  It will take me less than 30 minutes to do.  JUST DO IT, right?  

What about you? What are you putting off and every single day you add it to the list of things to do?  (like me, cleaning out your closet). 

When we lean into Jesus, and give the problem, the situation, to Him, we can have peace.  We can't change the outcome, but Jesus can.  Sometimes we are to let the situation play out. Sometimes we need to intervene and do something.  Other times, we need to just let Jesus handle it.  And that is the hard part. We always want to 'fix' it.  At least I do.  No matter what it is.

And the 'fixing' I need to do right now - I need to be fixing to get my body up and moving this morning as it is about time to get the work computer on.  But even in that, I have peace.  I learned many years ago to give each day to Jesus - no matter what is ahead of me.  Some things He takes care of for me, and other things He allows me the time to get them done. He can take any situation and make it better - when I rely on Him.  Trust Him. Take Him at His Word.  His Word will never fail you.  You can 'take that to the bank'.

Blessings!              

Whose responsibility is it?

 My mind seems to be all over the place this morning, thinking of what to write about.  Listening to Free Chapel, the music is so refreshing - and it's at a volume I can understand the words.  Sigh.  As mentioned earlier this week, I sent an email to our (former) pastor and advised we would be changing churches.  No response.  (and they said they loved us? No response?)  Hubby really wants to go to the Salvation Army Church- and that's ok.  We'll go wherever he wants to go.  It's just a building.  The people were really friendly when we went last week.  And then, last night.

Hubby looks at me and says "you don't seem like you want to go to the Salvation Army for church.  Don't you want to go?"  I just responded it doesn't matter to me, if he wants to go there, we can go there.  So he asked if he should start tithing there. (Obviously he hasn't put in tithing anywhere since we haven't been going physically).  I told him if he wanted to put it all in today, feel free to do so. It doesn't matter WHERE or WHAT church we give to; our tithing belongs to God, not us.  He asked me about the tithing I put in.  I just told him I wasn't ready to give it to SA yet.  I don't know what is holding me back; the money is in the bank, I have even written the checks without filling in the 'where'. It's God's money, not mine. I want to wait and see if that is where we will be staying.  Part of me feels like hubby wants to go there because it is where two couples we know well go when they are in town.  Another part knows that it is because the music was quieter, we were very much welcomed (not the usual 'hi, how are you, glad you are here'), and they serve lunch.  LOL  I guess it really shouldn't matter what the reason is that I think - he wants to go to church to hear the Word (and the message was really good last week) and I should just accept that, right?

And then the conversation changed to 'you don't act like you want to go up north next weekend, so I guess you can cancel the reservation. I thought it would be good for you to get out of town and just relax for the weekend.'  I am guessing this stemmed from my comment about the southbound lane of the highway is down to one lane that weekend.  No, I haven't cancelled the reservation yet.  Will see how the week pans out.  No, I'm not real thrilled about 'getting out of town' - I'm content to stay at home and do nothing (except he will leave the TV on all weekend, more than likely).  At least at the hotel he doesn't turn on the TV all the time.  We read a lot.  I do look forward to that.  Maybe I need to check out another place - maybe Payson?  He is wanting to just get away where it is cooler.  He complains about the heat all the time - and to me it's stupid - why? because being inside we're cool!  Or as cool as he will leave the air on!  I think he keeps it at 80 during the day .... I just quit fussing with him about it.  In the hotel I freeze cause he has it turned way low.  Not sure how the weekend will work out.... will make a decision in a few days.  Now if we were going to Tucson (I almost suggested it, but knew he would pick up on my excitement going one direction rather than the other).  ...  Just saying.

And in both conversations, I hadn't said a word against either one.  But I may have to end up 'making the decision' to go.  And I don't care either way - and I told him so.  If he wants to go north, we can go north. (other than he is insisting on driving).  If he wans to give the tithe to the church this morning, go for it.  I don't care.  It doesn't change anything. It's not a big deal.  It's his choice.  Can he not make a decision?  What is confusing him?   Oh, and he still wants to watch Free Chapel in the mornings.  Right now we watch Free Chapel at 8AM, but on the first Sunday in November, the time changes and that service goes to 9AM.  I'm listening to the 6AM (which will change to 7AM)  service right now.  I get a 'double dose' as I watch the 2nd one with him. 

Listening to all the things going on with the flood destroying towns and all, my heart breaks.  It's hard to even imagine what these people are going through and my heart breaks for them.  One thing I am grateful for, Free Chapel shares that all the monies given to them is 100% given to the disaster.  They have given $100K to the Red Trucks (name of a group of people taking supplies in), another $250K to another area, and yet another $200K to another area - all to bring relief to the flood victims.   Did you hear about the 7 year old boy who drowned, but as he was drowning, he was calling out to Jesus.  Guess where he is right now.  Sitting at Jesus' feet.

Isaiah 26:4 (NIV)  Trust in the Lord forever, the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal.

Sometimes God allows a lot of things to turn our hearts back to Him.  We may lose jobs, lose income. We may have delinquent children, children who have backslidden away from their faith. We may have disease strike our bodies.  But when we lean into God, we will find a revival of our souls and will gain much more than we lose.  Trusting in Him is the best thing we will ever do.  

Don't talk unbelief. Don't talk doubt.  Don't say a word.  Trust God that He will provide for everything that you need.  Have extreme pain?  Lean into Jesus and He will go through it with you.  You may think it is unbearable, but He will get you through it.  You will come out on the other side.  Keep trusting.  Let the walls fall down that you block out the world with. That you block out the truth with.  Don't you know that Jesus is calling in His harvest?  And that harvest will include you - if you will let Him draw you in.  Oh that you would open up your heart to Him and allow Jesus to take over your thoughts and your actions and your words, and speak truth over you.

Talk northing but healing. Talk nothing but how big God is.  When you talk 'God talk', He will come and help you.  Don't talk devil talk - he only takes away from you.  Get the joy back in your life by surrendering your life to Jesus and let Him be your Rock eternal.  Get your shout back - shout about the goodness of God.  You have the favor of God, but you have to let go of the world and grab hold of Him.  What is your choice?  Life or death?  Choose life, that you and your children may live.

Blessings!

Could it be me?

 Hubby came in this morning, bringing my coffee, and asked me a question.  Instead of directly answering it (which I should have known better), I responded that he asks the same question nearly every month.  He raised his voice and said I haven't taken this stuff for over a year so no, I haven't asked that question!  I just shut up.  I know that same question was asked about three weeks ago.... and I also know that we talked about this just the other day and he said he didn't need to take it, he was fine.  So, am I imagining he asked those questions?  Am I just thinking I tell him these things and all of it is in my mind?  I learned a long time ago to choose my battles.  This is one of them.  If he disputes; just shut up.

I had a craving for cookies yesterday.  I started out making crockpot chicken chili (and immediately had a bowl and it was so good!!) and then I made a batch of Snickerdoodles, and after that, a batch of oatmeal raisin cookies.  Yeah, I ate way too many of them.  With a glass (or two) of milk.  Warm cookies and milk, yeah, it hit the spot.  But, I shouldn't have eaten so many of them.  It was like a craving that wouldn't go away.  But I had to try the cookies to make sure they were tasting good, right?  The soup was delicious; the cookies ... oh yum.  I even put some in a cookie jar... will see how long they last.  Gave away some last night.  I can't keep those here; I know I will eat them!  Or hubby will.  It's not on the weight-loss plan, for sure.

Yesterday was not too bad, but got some 'impossible to schedule' meeting requests.... finally found places to put the and even though not everyone could attend, not my problem, right?  My male boss leaves today around noon to go to a conference in California for the rest of the week.  Hopefully I can get everything done that he has given me to do.  And, sigh, the coworker I am covering for in May and June informed me yesterday I have to 'attend' one of her board meetings to take minutes towards the end of May.  I don't know ANY of her doctors.  NOT looking forward to that.  I didn't bother to respond to her.  But I need to.  My 'don't want to' is rearing its ugly head.

Proverbs 20:24 (NLT):  The Lord directs our steps, so why try to understand everything along the way?

My devotion on the above scripture today really spoke to me.  I hope it does to you as well.

"I want you to come to a place where you no longer fear the unknowns of life. I want you merely trusting and resting in My will.  If you will draw near to me at all times, you can be confident that I will not allow you to stray from the path I've chosen for you. I have amazing plans for you, but I need you to learn to trust Me completely with each step of faith you take. 

I want you to let go of trying to control your life and surrender to My plans and My power to bring them about. I simply want you to surrender and allow me to work in and through you. I don't want you to struggle to understand my ways; I simply want you to trust in them. My ways are perfect.

Accept what you cannot change and trust Me to do what seems impossible, for there is nothing too difficult for Me. And know that everything will not fall apart if you simply let it go into My hands. When your life is falling to pieces, it's really just falling into place; I promise to strengthen you, to uphold you.  I only ask that you seek my will, let go of your fears, and walk the path I've chosen for you by faith."

I feel I can honestly say that until now, the future has never really worried me.  I haven't been afraid of what the future might bring.  Until now?  It's the uncertainty of what is going on with hubby that has me a bit anxious.  There, I said it.  He's getting more clingy. He's getting more defensive. I don't know how to put it.  He now realizes that it's just me and him.... but he doesn't realize I told him several times over the years that this is what would happen because of his words, behavior, and actions.  But he is always right, you know.  And then I wonder..... is it me, and not him?  Am I being too critical?  Am I the one who is making life 'different and difficult'?   I just want to be me.  I sat on the floor in my bathroom last night before going to bed, curled up next to the shower, and just asked God "what do I need to do?"  I guess I just need to be patient and wait for the answer.  Waiting is the hard part, though.

Perhaps that is why the above devotion spoke somewhat to me.  "Accept what you cannot change and trust Me to do what seems impossible, for there is nothing too difficult for Me."  "I only ask that you seek my will let go of your fears and walk the path I've chosen for you by faith."

And sometimes that is so very hard to do.  Letting go of fears of the unknown.  What is life going to be like a year from now?  As I've aged, these questions become more real.  When we are young.... this stage of our lives is only a passing thought.  And yet, now here we are in that stage of our lives and what is left?  

As you are younger than I today..... I encourage you to pause and think about what you want your life to look like 30-40 years (or more) down the road.  Is your life now a prelude to what it will become?  Do you need to make some changes?  Maybe it is something to think about.

Blessings!

Got 'er done!

 After church yesterday I cooked a nice lunch - did something different to chicken breasts that I hadn't done before - garlic salt, mayonnaise (yeah - can you believe it?), panko crumbs - and fried it.  Oh my goodness, the mayonnaise must have made it so tender you could cut it with a fork!  And no, it didn't change the taste of the chicken.  And broccoli!  I put in a skillet, added the white part of green onions, a little water, some salt/pepper, steamed a bit, then poured an orange sauce on top and mixed it up.  Sprinkled peanuts on top.  So good.

I'm getting pretty good at these Home Chef meals and we are enjoying them!  I am really enjoying actually cooking again instead of just doing what I've always done and cook the same things the same way.  I've cooked three of the Home Chef meals and enjoyed cooking each one - and they are so good.  What I like as well is that they send the recipes for how to fix these dishes - so that whenever I stop receiving these meal plans, I can still make the dishes if I choose.  The problem is, I have dozens (literally!) of cookbooks on the shelves and I rarely take any down to make something.  So it is about the same thing, right?  But, for the moment, I'm enjoying having all the ingredients together and being able to make a dish I hadn't made before.  We get three more tomorrow.  I'll continue this for a few months before I cancel.  These first four weeks I get 50% off so it's only costing $40/week for three nice meals.  Cheaper than going out to eat - and I enjoy the cooking!

I have been wanting to change up my quiet time here in the mornings.  I've gotten in to a rut of doing the same thing every day.  I decided yesterday to put away a couple of the books I was including in my readings in the morning - only because I have read both before (devotionals) and enjoyed them, which is why I was reading them again.  But my sister had sent me a new devotional so I'm reading it... I really only need to read one devotional - not three.  So put the other two back on the shelf.  I'm wanting to clear time where I can just sit (and not fall back asleep) and listen for God to speak to me.  I actually long for the days that I first fell in love with Jesus because I always had time for Him.  

Then I allowed my reading of devotionals and other books, this blog, and sleep, to rob me of my time with God so that when I did have the time, it was rushed and with one eye on the clock for work... I was only going through the motions.  I need my 1:1 time with God; it's part of my DNA now that I have done it for nearly 40 years.  Every.single.morning.  It is that important to me.  But I was robbing my time with Him by filling it with other good things.  Like reading my Bible longer.  Or an extra devotional.  Or deciding that I need a nap.  So I have been working on a new 'schedule' for myself in here.  I still want to write my blog, although that totally takes me away from my quiet time.  If I don't do it here after I do my readings, it may not get done.  Definitely not on a daily basis.  But once I am finished with this, I can totally give God my mind and attention until I absolutely have to get to work.  I love the weekends when I stay in here an hour longer.  Or more.

I'm reading a book titled Confessions of a Prayer Warrior by Diane Moody and it has really captured my interest.  I like the ideas she throws out on how she changed her time with God in the mornings - pretty much for the same reasons I want to.  I'm interested in how she has organized her 'prayer notebook'.  Like me, she spent so much time writing out her prayers, or just giving a sentence or two, that time spent on the knees was almost non-existent.  I've been there.  And I'm trying to get more time on my knees and focused on God rather than rushing through my prayers to get them out before starting my day. 

So how are you doing your morning devotions?  Do you pray on your knees?  Do you write out your prayers?  Do you even pray?  Are you spending time with God and listening to hear His voice?  Oh the times that one hears the voice of God are a treasure!  Yes, I have heard the voice of God speak to me in the past, when I took time to listen.  I let myself get busy with other things and God can't get my undivided attention when I do that.  He is the most important person to me.  I want - and need - to give Him my undivided attention.  And that is what I am trying to do.  I want to hear God's voice.  I want to feel His Presence.  When you have experienced that, you don't want anything else.  I encourage you to take a pause this morning and turn your thoughts to Him.  Seek His face.

Matthew 6:33 (NKJV):  Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you as well.  

What things will be added?  The things that you ask for that are in His will for you.  Our God wants to give you the desires of your heart.  He wants to give you all you ask for.  But what are you asking for?  Oh the goodness of God is His faithfulness to us each and every day!  Yes, I fall on my face frequently, but God will pick me up, dust me off, and set my feet on solid ground.  I would rather be standing on a firm foundation in my faith, and remain standing when struggles and trials come, than on the sandy shore and when the waves hit and threaten to overcome me, I fall down and am wiped out.  God is our Firm Foundation, the Rock on which we stand.  When all around us is shaken, you will find you will be glad you put your faith in Jesus.  He will never let you down.  He is faithful through all generations.  Why would He fail you when your faith is in Him?  He won't.  He just won't fail you - now or ever.  He will walk with you through any struggle, any journey you are on.  That's why I trust Him!  He has walked through my life with me - the good, the bad, the ugly.  I can not do life without Him.  Can you?

Something to think about.

Blessings!

Last day of 'vacation'....sigh....

 As I wandered around here yeterday morning after finishing up my time in here.... I noticed hubby sitting outside, but decided NOT to go out... I started to clear off the bed in here that was still piled with my things from the suitcase.  So I finished emptying the suitcase and got it put away and hubby comes in and sort of admonishes me with a "I thought you would come outside and sit with me because it is so nice out' comment.  I jsut shrugged and said no, I wanted to get some things done and continued working on putting my things away.

I offered to fix him breakfast but he said that was ok, he would fix something so I let that go.  I did sit down with him and ate an English Muffin..... then I got back up and told him I was going shopping.... I had a few things I wanted to get... but nothing specifically.  Going to JoAnn's for sure.... and I did go... and walked out empty-handed.  Didn't even buy yarn - can you believe it?  I still have a lot of yarn (granted most are just one skein of a color) and I am still trying to get it used up.  Slowly, I am... finished yet another baby blanket yesterday.  From there I went to Ross... I did buy a couple Christmas gifts and a couple other things.  On to Hobby Lobby... I bought some material there... still dreaming of making some things.  Then I came back home and crochet'd.  Why do I want to quit work and have this type of boring life?

When hubby left for his workout session I turned on a movie and just got started with the youngest son called; I think he must have been alone and needed someone to talk to.  His wife as at the P-T conference, daughter at work and I'm not sure where the one son was.  We 'talked' about 1/2 hour I'd guess.  I turned the movie back on and my little sister called.  I finally just turned the tv off.  Hubby came back home and started watching his games.  After an hour with my sister I tossed the idea around of cleaning up and going out to eat or fix something here at home.  Didn't want to do either, but finally fixed a steak in the air fryer and cooked tator tots in the oven.  That was dinner last night.  Not even any green vegetables!   I have about ten minutes and I need to get ready to head over for my gym appointment this morning.  I really wanted to go back to sleep this morning, but because of that, had to stay awake.  Next week they go back to 5PM versus 7AM like this morning.

Isaiah 26:4 (NKJV):  "Trust in the LORD forever, for in YAH, the LORD, is everlasting strength."

It's been awhile since I've read Isaiah, but definitely don't remember YAH versus YAHWEH.... interesting.  What do you think that means?  Huh.  Jus tscanning comments on google, it still means LORD, just as YAHWEH does.  I may research that more later, if I don't forget.  I'm running out of time.

Bottom line of that scripture is that we should always trust in the Lord, for in Him, we have everlasting strength.  I know that many times I would have given up.  I am sure that applies to many of you as well.  Life is hard, do you agree?  It seems that in many cases, if something can go wrong, it will - just as in many cases things will go right as well.  But do you trust God no matter what situation happens, whatever comes to you, at you, or against you?

I can honestly say that no matter what - I will trust the Lord in all things.  I may struggle in how I respond to each situation, but I know that I know that I know - the LORD is always in control of all things.  Nothing gets by Him; nothing slips by unexpectedly.  He already knows what is going to happen long before it is even thought to happen!  And He also knows our responses.

And that is why we have grace.  Precious grace.  I know for certain I would be completely lost without His grace - just as you would be.  He forgives me, when I ask Him, and He will forgive you, if you would but pause and ask for His forgiveness and help.  Trust Him forever... for in Him is everlasting strength.

Blessings!

A lot on my mind....

 My middle child did not make it over yesterday as planned; appointments don't always get processed as planned.  BUT - he did text me later and is now taking me out to eat in a couple weeks.  I love those times when we can just catch up - just like when he stopped by with Rainbow donuts a week ago.  Those are the memories I hold on to.

My youngest did stop by yesterday and pick up a couple jars of salsa... it's been a couple weeks and one had already gone bad and had to be dumped, but he took two jars and said they'd probably be gone that night.  I should have called him a week ago, but life gets in the way.  

I think I mentioned the other day that I got a request to come back for a 2nd mammogram and ultrasound.... I'm not concerned about it, been through that before.  I find it interesting that the very spot they said they want to look at, I remember it hurting before I went, and it is hurting this morning.  But - I am believing still it is nothing more than fatty tissue bumping in to each other.

Speaking of fatty tissue... and this is troubling me and bringing me down.  I'm fighting back, I'm fighting against it.  I went to the gym last night for my workout and my trainer wanted to do what is called 'InBody' which measures muscle, fat, water, etc. in your body.  It's been two months since I had it done.  And yes, two months ago it showed I was fat.  He said I didn't need to drink a gallon of water a day as I had been trying to do - which showed an excess of water in my body... so I cut back some.  Now I know I don't eat perfectly, and you know I love my chocolate and I often 'cheat' and eat things that I shouldn't be eating if I want to lose weight.  I thought I had been doing fairly well with my eating habits ... not perfect, but was paying more attention, I thought.

He took the InBody test.... and then he wouldn't even let me see it.  That was the first sign something was off. He finally said only one line went down (my weight had gone up ANOTHER 3 pounds!)... and didn't say what it was... but obviously it wasn't my fat being changed for muscle.  I struggled through the workout, which was changed and he really pushed me to do more reps and heavier weights.  I pushed though and completed all he wanted to - and got my heart rate up to 127 at one point.  He said I really need to get it up to 146.  Something about you take 200 and minus your age, then the remaining number is what your heart rate should get to if you want to lose weight.  Something about metabolism.  He never did show me the paper and I asked him to send me a copy, but he hasn't yet.  I'll send him a reminder as I won't see him again until Monday.  It was depressing news as I have really been pushing on my workouts... but in reality, twice a week good workouts just aren't enough.  I should have also been on the treadmill and doing things here at home.  If I don't want to be embarrassed next time, I probably should kick my butt in gear and do some things here at home.  Afterall, that's what I have the equipment here for, right?  It's just hard to do when hubby's here.  I don't like being questioned nor watched.\  It's just me.

My trainer also told me he didn't think I was eating enough protein - i.e., chicken and fish - and he is probably right.  I cook just enough to get by with... and supplement it with veggies... so he gave me a gram figure but I don't remember what it was.... but I am resolved to eat more chicken and fish.  I stopped at Bashas on my way home and picked up a rotesserie chicken and raw veggie tray and that was our dinner last night.  I'm embarrassed about the InBody test not being good; I had really expected it to show I had gained a lot of muscle and lost some fat.  But if I want to lose weight, and I do, I need to be more focused on what I'm eating, quit skipping meals, and quit nibbling and calling it a meal.  At least protein shakes are enjoyable and I can make in different flavors - chocolate or vanilla or strawberry.  Got to cut back on my sugar and carbs.   I.Can.Do.This.   And of course hubby needs to do it too so I don't have to prepare extra food for him.  He's not losing cause he eats out so much... which usually causes me not to eat here at home cause I don't have to cook. I need to look beyond that and make a shake at least.

So there you have it - a couple things that are weighing me down this morning.  The InBody report though, that was a kick to the stomach, and my trainer knew it, which is probably why he didn't let me see it.  But on the positive side.... I am a lot stronger (I have biceps!) than I was three months ago.  I just still have this fat belly and butt.  But this too shall pass, mama alwsays said so.  True, she wasn't referring to my body fat, but whenever troubles came around, my mama could be heard saying "this too shall pass"... and it always did.  

I got a surprise this morning - on my phone is a text from my big brother that says he has sent me a package and it will be arriving tomorrow!  He is always surprising me with gifts.  One time it was a box of chocolate - remember that? - it was a few years ago and it arrived in the summer.  I told him don't send chocolate in the summer anymore.  Not to this state.  But after cooling in the refrigerator for a couple hours, there was no problem in popping them in my mouth. Oh there I go again! food!

I have a dermatologist appointment this morning early so need to stop early and jump in the shower.  This is to be just a yearly screening, and occasionally he freezes a couple moles and sometimes he will scape and send off.  I'm sure all is fine and it's good to get checked out.  When I was growing up back in the midwest, our 'thing' was laying out in the sun and getting burned and then tanned.  That is what we are watching for now - could any thing be changing.  Little did we know back then what it could cause when we get older.

There is a song by Bethel Music called "Goodness of God".  That song is one of my favorites and it is running through my mind this morning....

"All my life You have been faithful.  All my life you have been good, so good. With every breath that I am able, I will sing of the goodness of God."

I have found that no matter how many fires I have gone through in my life, His goodness is always running after me.  He is always so close to me, holding me, walking with me through every fire.  And you know what?  When you are following Him, He will not leave you in the fire alone.  When you get to the fire, He will walk with you THROUGH the fire.  No matter what that fire is... when you follow Jesus, He will always walk with you through it.

He is with you when you struggle.  He is with you when you walk through the shadows of the valley of death.  He is with you with a child is born and you feel so much love and joy. He is with you when life is hard. He is with you in the court case.  He is with you in your job.  Jesus will never leave your side, when you choose Him as your best friend.  He is a friend whom is closer than a brother.  

There is no fear when Jesus is near.  Do you know Him?  Do you trust Him?  I've shared things on here that I haven't shared with others - not even hubby at this point - many days I've shared things that it has been easier to share what I feel on here than in person.  But through it all.... I know that Jesus is walking with me.  I have no fear of what the future holds, for I know Who holds my future.

Blessed is the name of the Lord.  

Blessings!

The HumilityTour

 What in the world is that, you wonder?  I have no idea, but the idea kind of scares me, wouldn't it you?  I don't know where that came from in my dream... I'm going to think I had a few dreams last night, for the dream that I woke up with remembering, isn't one of humility.  It wasn't a nice dream and I am trying hard to remove it from my mind and not think about so, so that I don't remember it.  It was abusive and stupid. I have no idea where it came from.  But the words The Humility Tour came at the beginning of that bad dream.  So did I dream before of something - or are the words telling me something is coming that will cause me great humiliation?  Is the thought even for me?  I don't know.  It was just all so weird.

Enjoyed a good dinner with my youngest and his wife last night.  Bubba's 33 - we hadn't eaten there before and I had to go look at the menu before we went so that I'd have an idea of what I'd get.  I still didn't.  It all looked so good!   I ended up with a 5 oz salmon over rice and a side salad.  I kid you not - that side salad was pretty big and I wasn't hungry at all after I ate it (I got it first) but did manage to eat the salmon - then had to just quick stop quit.  My stomach would not take any more in.  And they had diet coke.  I just can't drink pepsi.  I was a happy camper.

Hubby and my son both got the signature ribeye - I understand it is soaked in expresso which gives it a really good flavor - I took a bite of hubby's - and wow - it was good.  I could not believe hubby ate all his (it was huge - nearly filled the entire plate!) plus mashed potatoes, gravy, and coleslaw.   My son could only eat about 1/2 of his steak, and his wife got a double hamburger with lots of toppings and onion rings. She didn't eat but a few bites.  I ate one of her onion rings and it was so good - not greasy like some are.  The hamburger was huge - I couldn't have eaten it all either.  Price-wise - it wasn't bad at all.  I would say it was like many others.   The steaks they chose were $25.99; my salmon was $15.99... I don't remember the hamburger cost but similar to mine, I think.  All in all, a great meal and we had a good time.  I would go there again, although it was noisy even at 4:30PM because spring training had just let out and it is across the street from the restaurant so many people went over.  It was pretty full.

My eye is still doing well and I can't wait to get the left eye done.  I still have a small bruise under my right eye, which is from the shots, I'm going to guess - or perhaps they had to clamp my eye open?  I don't know and don't need to know!  I'm grateful I was totally out as far as I was concerned to the entire surgery.  So grateful for that.  I've heard of people who just had the eye numbed and they "watched" all that happened.  No thank you. 

It sounds like it is raining outside.  Too dark to peek outside.  I thought it was to start tonight.  Maybe I hear the sprinklers?   Hmm. now it doesn't sound like it.  Am I hearing things?  I kid you not, this past week I have heard things that I hadn't before ... noises from the duplex net door.  I had hubby go with me one day last week and we went through the entire section to see if anything was amiss - it was not.  This morning I again thought I heard like water running (again)... I may get hubby to go over with me again when he gets back from bible study.  I only hear it when I get up in the mornings at 4AM and am in my bathroom.  That is what is so weird.  I come in here and hear nothing from the other side. 

Which reminds me, I am to go pick up Ms. Amy this Saturday and bring her to her house for awhile.  Not sure what is going on across the street with Ms. Diane.  When we came back from dinner, all three of her children were there... on a Monday night... which makes me nervous.  I will call her today to see if she is ok.  Were they talking to her about going to an assisted living?  She has agreed to go, for I have talked to her about it numerous times as well.  She really can no longer take care of herself and she has literally quit eating except for when someone brings her something  - and she is a diabetic.  She has lost so much weight she looks like a skeleton, even with her clothes on.  I hope she is ok.  I've come to love these women, and Ms. Vicky next door too.  I need to call and check on her as well.   I call them all my 'community project'. LOL

Our cleaning people are coming this morning and of course we straighten things up before they get here. I empty my waste baskets and pick things up off the floor.  Oh wait - I can't do that yet! LOL Hubby will just have to come in here and do it ... or I can get down on my knees and move things.... and then hope I can get back up!  Actually, this room and my bathroom aren't that bad.  And I get all my yarn projects together in the front room. I'm actually real excited in that over the past two-three days I have finished 3 baby blankets and a two-three dishcloths!  I usually have a half-dozen or so projects going on at one time.  Ugh - just remembered I really should straighten up that desk in the exercise room - it has become the catch-all for a lot of things.  

Anyway- my projects - I start one thing and then need to start another... until I have several going.  I decided I needed to finish up some... and have done so.  I still have about 5 projects I can see in here .. I'll get to them eventually.  Sometimes I just need to work on another color!

Jeremiah 17:7-8 (NKJV):  "Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, and whose hope is the Lord. For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters, which spreads out its roots by the river, and will not fear when heat comes; but its leaf will be green, and will not be anxious in the year of drought, nor will cease from yielding fruit."

I love reading the biographies and the stories of men and women who believed in God and trusted in Him alone.  They inspire me, and give me strength for the journey ahead of me.  I know my life past has been full of ups and downs, and I'm sure my future paths will be as well.  But I want them to be strengthened as a tree planted by the waters, because I trust in the Lord.

Why do I trust in Him?  Because He has proven to be all that I need.  When I have fallen flat on my face, He is the One who picks me up and sets my feet on solid ground.  When our finances and been so bad I didn't know what to do, when I cried out to Him, He has always provided just what we needed to get us through that rough patch.  When I needed a friend, He provided those.  When I needed an outlet to share my thoughts, my feelings, my emotions... like I do right here.... he used my son to set this blog up for me.  See, you didn't really think about that, did you?

I have always loved to write.  I wish I could pull thoughts together to do what I love to do... maybe if I ever retire before I die I will sit before my computer and ask God to give me words to write.  I didn't know it when my son offered to set this up for me, how valuable it will become to me to write my thoughts out..  Oh I still use journals, but not like I did before. I use my journals now mostly for prayers versus all my thoughts and feelings.  But this blog has served - and does still serve - its purpose of allowing me to ramble, to share my heart, to share God's Word and what it means to me.  Thank you, son, for setting it up for me.  It has been a 'life-saver' of sorts.  And, you have a true 'journal' of my life, don't you?  My ups and downs, my angst, my hopes, my dreams.

But out of all of it, I want to show that Jesus is my All in All.  I can not do life without Him.  I tried and I made a big mess of it.  Only when I asked Him to be my Lord and Savior could I survive the mess I had made of my life.  I am a better person because of who He is.  I love Jesus with all my heart, soul, mind and strength.  He leads me through still waters.  He restores my soul.  I trust Him with my very life, the journey I am on, the prayers I pray.  He is the only answer.

Blessings!

Three questions to ponder.....

 I had a quiet evening last night as I didn't have 'girls night out' (we cancelled) and hubby went to his men's study group (and dinner).   I read some; I watched one of my favorite movies (The Lake House), and crochet'd some.... it was a nice quiet evening.  Relaxing.  Yesterday afternoon wasn't near as busy as the past day had been, so was able to catch up on some things.  Going into the evening time alone was nice.  I don't get these times alone often, and I am sure that I mention each one when I do.  I'm sure that if I was always 'physically alone', I would get lonely after awhile..... even when one is busy they can get lonely.  But I do enjoy my downtime alone time.

Oh, I had things that I probably should have done instead of watching a movie, crocheting and reading.... in fact, I know there was.  BUT... this is what happens when I have one of these nights... I try to do everything 'fun' that I want to do... and often do nothing that I should do.  I cram all the fun things into a few hours.  It's just what I do.  

But - I also need to be more conscious of the time I waste.  Doing nothing of value.  Yes, I was productive in that I worked on and nearly finished another baby blanket to donate while watching the movie.  I received the Tim Tebow book "Mission Possible" which was released yesterday and looks to be very good.  I got part of the introduction read when I decided to stop and watch the movie.  See - I cram everything in when I could have been reading the book!  Or working on my last message of this season which I will do on March 20th.  Yeah, I got to get it done by the weekend.  Did I also tell you that I am a procrastinator?

I hope I don't have a lot of emails to catch up on this morning - I'm meeting my boss at 8:30AM in person for breakfast.  We both will need to drive 50+ minutes to get there, but heading for the restaurant we ate at last time.  I asked on Monday if she wanted to cancel it, but nope, she wanted us to meet up.  So instead of no make-up, hair pulled back... I need to put makeup on, comb my hair and fix it, and put nicer clothes on.  Well, I don't have to... but I don't want to go looking like a slob. 

Oh - the three questions to ponder.  You thought I forgot, didn't you?  Were you busy looking through the above, trying to find the three questions?  Actually, the three questions is from the book on Revelations that I am going through.  I'm only finishing up the sixth chapter and it really has been interesting.  I'm reading the scripture, the footnotes, and this book, which ties it all together and helps me understand what is to come.  And is here now.  Ok - here are the three questions.

1) If it ever came to it, would you give your life as a martyr rather than deny Jesus Christ?

2) When you are mistreated by others, do you trust God to bring about justice in His own timing, or are you tempted to return evil for evil?

3) If indeed you trust God to judge, are you able to identify any negative feelings you have toward others and release those feelings so that they don't eat you up?

Deep quesions, right?  As for #1, I had this discussion with my little sister the other night.  I want to answer that one with a resounding "YES"!  But then my mind goes to... could you?  Would you?  What brought my discussion with my little sister was that I had read of a woman who refuse to deny Jesus and the enemy killed her children in front of her.  When she still refused to deny Jesus, they crucified her husband in front of her.  It didn't say what happened to her after that, but I'm assuming they killed her.  But it made me think.... is my relationship with Jesus strong enough that I could let go of all He has given me and never deny Him?  There has been a time when I was so passionately in love with Jesus that the answer would not have caused me any hesitation.  But life has happened, and although I still love Jesus, my passion has been beaten up pretty bad over the years so now I question myself.  How would you answer that question for yourself?

As for #2, yes, the temptation is always there to 'get even'.  But I do trust in God to bring about justice in His own timing.  In fact, most times I depend on it! Although I may never know justice.  God's justice is different than mine.  Where I want to 'get even' for the pain they have caused me, God wants them to turn to Him and ask forgiveness.  Yes, we suffer consequences of our actions, but with His help, we come out better on the other side.  I have been so hurt by someone who was so close to me that when they verbally attacked me without provocation, I set up parameters around my heart and mind that few can get past.  They have tried in the years since, and although I love them, I have not been able to totally trust them.  I nearly walked away from even the ministry as their attack was not only on me personally, but on my character.  Of course they do not remember any of that, and have never really apologized.  And I have forgiven them, but the devil won't let me forget, so I'm always protecting my heart and watching my words.  Even their spouse 'attacked' me via email.  It's been 10 years, and it still hurts.  I believe that God has brought things about in their lives, for His Word says, "Vegenance is mine, saith the Lord, I will repay."  And I put it all in His hands.

#3 Uh.... yeah... I think I just shared some negative feelings I still hold on to.  I find it difficult sometimes to just be me with some people because of words spoken that I still feel was unjustified and still have no clue where it all came from.  I love this specific person, but I don't allow them to get as close as we once were.   But one thing I do know, the more I share my life with them, and they with me, the easier it is to forget the pain they caused me.  It is easier to forgive and let it go.  But the consequences of their anger still play out in my life and it wrecked havoc upon the work I do in ministry.  I often ask myself if I am making a difference in anyone's life.  Especially now, since I'm not even teaching.  And then the reality that God has shown me is that this person was jealous of my walk with Him.  They didn't have what I had and they were jealous.  Their words hit the mark, but they will be held accountable at some point.  And...I've said enough.

Psalm 62:8 (NKJV):  "Trust in Him at all times, you people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us.  Selah.

God is truly our refuge through all of life - the good times, the challenges.  But you have to trust Him in ALL things.... not just in the things that go your way.  Can you do that?  I can, and I have, and I will continue to do so.

Everyone else will fail you at some point; Jesus never fails.

Blessings!