I had a quiet evening last night as I didn't have 'girls night out' (we cancelled) and hubby went to his men's study group (and dinner). I read some; I watched one of my favorite movies (The Lake House), and crochet'd some.... it was a nice quiet evening. Relaxing. Yesterday afternoon wasn't near as busy as the past day had been, so was able to catch up on some things. Going into the evening time alone was nice. I don't get these times alone often, and I am sure that I mention each one when I do. I'm sure that if I was always 'physically alone', I would get lonely after awhile..... even when one is busy they can get lonely. But I do enjoy my downtime alone time.
Oh, I had things that I probably should have done instead of watching a movie, crocheting and reading.... in fact, I know there was. BUT... this is what happens when I have one of these nights... I try to do everything 'fun' that I want to do... and often do nothing that I should do. I cram all the fun things into a few hours. It's just what I do.
But - I also need to be more conscious of the time I waste. Doing nothing of value. Yes, I was productive in that I worked on and nearly finished another baby blanket to donate while watching the movie. I received the Tim Tebow book "Mission Possible" which was released yesterday and looks to be very good. I got part of the introduction read when I decided to stop and watch the movie. See - I cram everything in when I could have been reading the book! Or working on my last message of this season which I will do on March 20th. Yeah, I got to get it done by the weekend. Did I also tell you that I am a procrastinator?
I hope I don't have a lot of emails to catch up on this morning - I'm meeting my boss at 8:30AM in person for breakfast. We both will need to drive 50+ minutes to get there, but heading for the restaurant we ate at last time. I asked on Monday if she wanted to cancel it, but nope, she wanted us to meet up. So instead of no make-up, hair pulled back... I need to put makeup on, comb my hair and fix it, and put nicer clothes on. Well, I don't have to... but I don't want to go looking like a slob.
Oh - the three questions to ponder. You thought I forgot, didn't you? Were you busy looking through the above, trying to find the three questions? Actually, the three questions is from the book on Revelations that I am going through. I'm only finishing up the sixth chapter and it really has been interesting. I'm reading the scripture, the footnotes, and this book, which ties it all together and helps me understand what is to come. And is here now. Ok - here are the three questions.
1) If it ever came to it, would you give your life as a martyr rather than deny Jesus Christ?
2) When you are mistreated by others, do you trust God to bring about justice in His own timing, or are you tempted to return evil for evil?
3) If indeed you trust God to judge, are you able to identify any negative feelings you have toward others and release those feelings so that they don't eat you up?
Deep quesions, right? As for #1, I had this discussion with my little sister the other night. I want to answer that one with a resounding "YES"! But then my mind goes to... could you? Would you? What brought my discussion with my little sister was that I had read of a woman who refuse to deny Jesus and the enemy killed her children in front of her. When she still refused to deny Jesus, they crucified her husband in front of her. It didn't say what happened to her after that, but I'm assuming they killed her. But it made me think.... is my relationship with Jesus strong enough that I could let go of all He has given me and never deny Him? There has been a time when I was so passionately in love with Jesus that the answer would not have caused me any hesitation. But life has happened, and although I still love Jesus, my passion has been beaten up pretty bad over the years so now I question myself. How would you answer that question for yourself?
As for #2, yes, the temptation is always there to 'get even'. But I do trust in God to bring about justice in His own timing. In fact, most times I depend on it! Although I may never know justice. God's justice is different than mine. Where I want to 'get even' for the pain they have caused me, God wants them to turn to Him and ask forgiveness. Yes, we suffer consequences of our actions, but with His help, we come out better on the other side. I have been so hurt by someone who was so close to me that when they verbally attacked me without provocation, I set up parameters around my heart and mind that few can get past. They have tried in the years since, and although I love them, I have not been able to totally trust them. I nearly walked away from even the ministry as their attack was not only on me personally, but on my character. Of course they do not remember any of that, and have never really apologized. And I have forgiven them, but the devil won't let me forget, so I'm always protecting my heart and watching my words. Even their spouse 'attacked' me via email. It's been 10 years, and it still hurts. I believe that God has brought things about in their lives, for His Word says, "Vegenance is mine, saith the Lord, I will repay." And I put it all in His hands.
#3 Uh.... yeah... I think I just shared some negative feelings I still hold on to. I find it difficult sometimes to just be me with some people because of words spoken that I still feel was unjustified and still have no clue where it all came from. I love this specific person, but I don't allow them to get as close as we once were. But one thing I do know, the more I share my life with them, and they with me, the easier it is to forget the pain they caused me. It is easier to forgive and let it go. But the consequences of their anger still play out in my life and it wrecked havoc upon the work I do in ministry. I often ask myself if I am making a difference in anyone's life. Especially now, since I'm not even teaching. And then the reality that God has shown me is that this person was jealous of my walk with Him. They didn't have what I had and they were jealous. Their words hit the mark, but they will be held accountable at some point. And...I've said enough.
Psalm 62:8 (NKJV): "Trust in Him at all times, you people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us. Selah.
God is truly our refuge through all of life - the good times, the challenges. But you have to trust Him in ALL things.... not just in the things that go your way. Can you do that? I can, and I have, and I will continue to do so.
Everyone else will fail you at some point; Jesus never fails.
Blessings!
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