It was a nice, quiet weekend. We read a lot (hubby even left off the TV most of the weekend!) and I got the mesage pulled together for this coming Sunday. We went up north for hubby to speak yesterday morning, and out for brunch afterwards, then home. We read some more, and watched a couple movies last night from Up Faith & Family. It was a restful weekend. Too restful, I'm thinking, cause I could not sleep last night. At least not in a deep, good sleep. And I don't know why.
Until this morning. I finally had settled into a deep sleep when I felt hubby touching my arm, awakening me. I opened my eyes to see that it was nearly 4:20AM (I forgot to turn my 4AM alarm back on my Fitbit. The next one was 4:30AM.) I pulled the covers back and my arm hit his as I was getting up - and he snaps at me "Don't be so mean!" Say what? I just said "I'm sorry", and got up. Then he brought it up again. I'm like - it was an accident, get over it... ugh. I don't like starting my mornings off like this.
Now my head hurts for being awakened so abruptly after not sleeping well, I'm tired, I'm sleepy, and the coffee he brought me is not helping any. Being snapped at didn't help at all. I know this conversation is open-ended and he will bring it up again. It was just an accident!! I didn't mean to hit his arm (and I couldn't have hit it that hard - I was throwing back the covers to get up!). So I am going to assume that hubby didn't sleep well either and that is why HE is so cranky this morning. It may prove to be a long day.
I have a follow-up visit to the oral surgeon tis morning and I am praying that everything has healed the way it should. I forgot a couple times the past few days and started to chew on that side, but my teeth around the area he worked on, reminded me they were still tender. I just want all this to be over with. Hubby has an appointment with him next week. Several years ago he had his wisdom teeth pulled - and I guess they left part of the root. Interesting that no other dentist, after all these xrays over the years, has ever noticed it. But our new one did. And he is sending hubby to the same oral surgeon to discuss having that root removed. It isn't bothering him, so I'd say leave it alone, but the dentist said it is starting to attach itself to another root and it could create problems. Sigh.
Yeah, I don't have much to talk about this morning. I am tired and can't think clearly yet. I know - no excuse - I've been up over an hour and even have finished my coffee already. Maybe I need another cup this morning. A little stronger, please.
Hubby questioned me yesterday about 'journal writing'. There was a short lull that I was out of journals before Christmas, and he had come into this room before I finished my quiet time. He saw me on my computer and asked if I was writing my 'journal' in my computer. At that time, I said yes as I had started putting my prayers and thoughts in my computer. Some people can do that - I find it easier to write out my thoughts for the journal... because in here I'm also watching my spelling (which I miss a lot of, I know) and my thoughts are usually all over the place. Yesterday, I just kind of shrugged off his question and said that sometimes I use the computer for journaling.... and this blog is sorta my journal, right? I often put what is going on in my life. I just don't always put prayers in here. Perhaps I should. I don't know that I say anything so bad in here that hubby couldn't read it. I've never told him he couldn't, and he has the link -has always had the link. He just forgets about it and I don't remind him. I don't want him reading it... and I am guessing that raises a big question as to why.... a lot of my why has to do with him controling so much of my life. This is the only place I have that I can let out my thoughts and feelings without criticism, without questions. I can share what is on my heart and know that I'm not going to be questioned as to why I feel that way. Things I share are not going to be brought up and 'discussed'. When he starts reading... is when this blog will end. Or I will need to create another that that I can share my heart in. Some of you who are so open with your spouses do not understand my thoughts on this. You have not lived my life; you don't - and can't - understand why this is important to me. It is my only outlet to have a voice. Other than in my prayers, of course.
Prayers. God has heard so much of my whining and complaining over the years (among all my praises too - to be fair); He has listened patiently as I worked through painful things. He has wiped away tears that fall unbidden, because of burdens I've carried. I am who I am because of my Heavenly Father who is so very patient with me, listens to me, cries with me, holds me, and loves me unconditionally. There is no one like Him.
Do you know Jesus? That thought has been in my mind for the past several days. Do you know Jesus? So many people know OF Jesus, they know ABOUT Jesus. But it is so very different to KNOW Jesus. Do you have that intimate, personal, knowledge of Jesus? I can't imagine my life without Him to run to with everyday things.
How well do you know Jesus? He loves you so much, that He would die for you, and defeat death, and rise again. Separated from his Father, alone in death. But He did it - for you and for me. How can you not love and serve a Savior like that?
Something to think about.
Blessings!
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