My middle child did not make it over yesterday as planned; appointments don't always get processed as planned. BUT - he did text me later and is now taking me out to eat in a couple weeks. I love those times when we can just catch up - just like when he stopped by with Rainbow donuts a week ago. Those are the memories I hold on to.
My youngest did stop by yesterday and pick up a couple jars of salsa... it's been a couple weeks and one had already gone bad and had to be dumped, but he took two jars and said they'd probably be gone that night. I should have called him a week ago, but life gets in the way.
I think I mentioned the other day that I got a request to come back for a 2nd mammogram and ultrasound.... I'm not concerned about it, been through that before. I find it interesting that the very spot they said they want to look at, I remember it hurting before I went, and it is hurting this morning. But - I am believing still it is nothing more than fatty tissue bumping in to each other.
Speaking of fatty tissue... and this is troubling me and bringing me down. I'm fighting back, I'm fighting against it. I went to the gym last night for my workout and my trainer wanted to do what is called 'InBody' which measures muscle, fat, water, etc. in your body. It's been two months since I had it done. And yes, two months ago it showed I was fat. He said I didn't need to drink a gallon of water a day as I had been trying to do - which showed an excess of water in my body... so I cut back some. Now I know I don't eat perfectly, and you know I love my chocolate and I often 'cheat' and eat things that I shouldn't be eating if I want to lose weight. I thought I had been doing fairly well with my eating habits ... not perfect, but was paying more attention, I thought.
He took the InBody test.... and then he wouldn't even let me see it. That was the first sign something was off. He finally said only one line went down (my weight had gone up ANOTHER 3 pounds!)... and didn't say what it was... but obviously it wasn't my fat being changed for muscle. I struggled through the workout, which was changed and he really pushed me to do more reps and heavier weights. I pushed though and completed all he wanted to - and got my heart rate up to 127 at one point. He said I really need to get it up to 146. Something about you take 200 and minus your age, then the remaining number is what your heart rate should get to if you want to lose weight. Something about metabolism. He never did show me the paper and I asked him to send me a copy, but he hasn't yet. I'll send him a reminder as I won't see him again until Monday. It was depressing news as I have really been pushing on my workouts... but in reality, twice a week good workouts just aren't enough. I should have also been on the treadmill and doing things here at home. If I don't want to be embarrassed next time, I probably should kick my butt in gear and do some things here at home. Afterall, that's what I have the equipment here for, right? It's just hard to do when hubby's here. I don't like being questioned nor watched.\ It's just me.
My trainer also told me he didn't think I was eating enough protein - i.e., chicken and fish - and he is probably right. I cook just enough to get by with... and supplement it with veggies... so he gave me a gram figure but I don't remember what it was.... but I am resolved to eat more chicken and fish. I stopped at Bashas on my way home and picked up a rotesserie chicken and raw veggie tray and that was our dinner last night. I'm embarrassed about the InBody test not being good; I had really expected it to show I had gained a lot of muscle and lost some fat. But if I want to lose weight, and I do, I need to be more focused on what I'm eating, quit skipping meals, and quit nibbling and calling it a meal. At least protein shakes are enjoyable and I can make in different flavors - chocolate or vanilla or strawberry. Got to cut back on my sugar and carbs. I.Can.Do.This. And of course hubby needs to do it too so I don't have to prepare extra food for him. He's not losing cause he eats out so much... which usually causes me not to eat here at home cause I don't have to cook. I need to look beyond that and make a shake at least.
So there you have it - a couple things that are weighing me down this morning. The InBody report though, that was a kick to the stomach, and my trainer knew it, which is probably why he didn't let me see it. But on the positive side.... I am a lot stronger (I have biceps!) than I was three months ago. I just still have this fat belly and butt. But this too shall pass, mama alwsays said so. True, she wasn't referring to my body fat, but whenever troubles came around, my mama could be heard saying "this too shall pass"... and it always did.
I got a surprise this morning - on my phone is a text from my big brother that says he has sent me a package and it will be arriving tomorrow! He is always surprising me with gifts. One time it was a box of chocolate - remember that? - it was a few years ago and it arrived in the summer. I told him don't send chocolate in the summer anymore. Not to this state. But after cooling in the refrigerator for a couple hours, there was no problem in popping them in my mouth. Oh there I go again! food!
I have a dermatologist appointment this morning early so need to stop early and jump in the shower. This is to be just a yearly screening, and occasionally he freezes a couple moles and sometimes he will scape and send off. I'm sure all is fine and it's good to get checked out. When I was growing up back in the midwest, our 'thing' was laying out in the sun and getting burned and then tanned. That is what we are watching for now - could any thing be changing. Little did we know back then what it could cause when we get older.
There is a song by Bethel Music called "Goodness of God". That song is one of my favorites and it is running through my mind this morning....
"All my life You have been faithful. All my life you have been good, so good. With every breath that I am able, I will sing of the goodness of God."
I have found that no matter how many fires I have gone through in my life, His goodness is always running after me. He is always so close to me, holding me, walking with me through every fire. And you know what? When you are following Him, He will not leave you in the fire alone. When you get to the fire, He will walk with you THROUGH the fire. No matter what that fire is... when you follow Jesus, He will always walk with you through it.
He is with you when you struggle. He is with you when you walk through the shadows of the valley of death. He is with you with a child is born and you feel so much love and joy. He is with you when life is hard. He is with you in the court case. He is with you in your job. Jesus will never leave your side, when you choose Him as your best friend. He is a friend whom is closer than a brother.
There is no fear when Jesus is near. Do you know Him? Do you trust Him? I've shared things on here that I haven't shared with others - not even hubby at this point - many days I've shared things that it has been easier to share what I feel on here than in person. But through it all.... I know that Jesus is walking with me. I have no fear of what the future holds, for I know Who holds my future.
Blessed is the name of the Lord.
Blessings!
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