Since we stayed up until around 10PM last night (I know - gasp! right?) - I was awakened about 1AM, but was able to go back to sleep and did end up staying in bed until about 5:30AM this morning. Just didn't want to get up - but laying in bed was too uncomfortable too. So I got up and came in here, left the light off and just sat here, thinking about different things. Hubby got up soon after and brought my coffee in, so of course the light came on. I read a few chapters in my Bible when my phone dinged, so I picked it up to see if one of my children was contacting me....
It was a co-worker I am friends with. We had dinner together several months back to catch up from not seeing each other since going remote. But this text was different. Her oldest daughter had been found dead a few days ago. And of course she sent a 'go fund me' link too. She is a single mom with I know one disabled child; I don't remember about this other, but it sounds like she may have been living on her own. She didn't go in to details and I didn't ask. We will meet up for dinner again in a few weeks and I'm sure I'll learn more. Not that it matters; she lost her oldest child. And I don't even want to imagine what that feels like.
But it has started my mind thinking of my mother, my family. My mother not only buried two husbands, but she buried her oldest stepson, her youngest son, her oldest son. My former in-laws buried their oldest son, my children's father, and their youngest son. I cannot imagine losing any of my children in death. I don't even want to imagine that... we came close one time to losing my oldest child, but by God's grace and His mercy, He healed her. And I will forever praise Him and be grateful to Him for that.
So I am feeling somewhat sad this morning. I'm sorry for my friend, but this has also brought up my oldest sister's death last year. So many unresolved questions regarding her death, and we will never know the truth of what happened. I still feel a void in my heart at the loss. I wil not claim extreme closeness as some siblings have, but since we did talk most every week and sometimes 3-4 times a week.... I would say we were close. In fact, I talked to her the day before she fell and her demise started. I miss her.
But - I was just able to smile..... I had given my trainer a pint of my salsa last week (brownie points, you know!) and he just text'd me that he had finally tried it yesterday and ended up eating a whole bag of chips with it (probably a small bag). He made me smile. I told him I expected to get workout points from it.
Well, it is about 7:45AM this morning and hubby is still home. I had a feeling he would be.... there is a men's breakfast at church this morning and he usually goes..... but he saw last night that Notre Dame was playing at 9AM this morning and I saw the wheels turning in his head. He still could have gone to the breakfast but chose not to so that he didn't miss any of it.
Titus 2:11-14 (NKJV): "For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men, teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly in the present age, looking for the blessed hope and glorious appearing of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for us, that He might redeem us from every lawless deed and purify for Himself His own special people, zealous for good works."
God's people are not saved by good works, they are saved for good works, so that they may extend Christ's love and grace to others. His grace is for us all, and He will teach us how to live within this world, and live without. Oh that we all would be redeemed by Him when He appears to take with Him those who follow Him!
As I write that, I am reminded of a book that I like to reread at times because even I can use a 'wake up' call on how I am living. It's so easy to 'fall into the worldly things'. The book is by Kyle Idleman and it is called 'not a fan'. God doesn't want us DOING for Him ... . He wants us LIVING for Him. Does that make sense?
So many times we think going to church and socializing with others who say they are a Christian is enough. But it is not. Now realize, this is my opinion only that I state in this blog. And I will admit, my attitude and actions are no where near where I feel I should be in walking with Jesus. But I strive to get there. I want to follow Jesus with all of me and walk with Him. That is my life's goal. I want to be His alone. But life has a way getting in the way and it is so easy to have my own attitude, my own behavior issues.... but for the grace of God, He always forgives me when I stray and He helps me get my feet back on the right path. And that right path leads straight to Him.
How are you doing with that? Life isn't about us. Life is about living like Jesus and sharing His love and grace to others. We have been given so much grace, even without asking for it. Jesus knew us before we were born.... and He went to the cross for us. Yes, for you, and for me.
And you know what? If you were the only person left on this earth, Jesus would have still gone to the cross for you. So grateful for His love for me.
Blessings!
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