Running behind schedule today

 I am a bit behind the schedule I have myself on in the mornings because I have started a Bible study with my little sister that started on Wednesday (Ash Wednesday) and will continue through to Palm Sunday, I believe.  It's leading up to Easter, anyway, and we will probably finish it closer to that time.  I haven't watched the video that goes with it yet, but I have started on the lesson and have at least gotten into the book.  Sis and I plan to touch base on Sunday evening or Monday evening to discuss the first week of the study, so will be watching the video either later this afternoon/evening or over the weekend.  So far, I am intrigued with the new study and am looking forward to learning new things and refreshing myself in just being in a study learning more about Jesus and His death and resurrection for me - and for you.

I received my new Spade watch yesterday- it's the latest - the Health 4.  I'm still trying to get it set up the way I want it.  Really need to review the videos on how to do that.  One thing I know I will like about it is that the battery will last 10-13 days - whereas I have to charge my Apple watch every single day.  In fact, if I even use it for anything; i.e., telephone call, tracking my steps, etc., it uses up the battery - and when that happens, things like this morning when it buzzes me in the early morning hours that my battery is about gone.  Like, I care during the middle of the night?  I sleep with it on so that it will track my sleep - but guess what - I may be just using my new watch from now on.  Hopefully I will become more familiar with it. I've read up on it the past couple of years and I like what it offers.  I haven't cared much for my Apple watch since I bought it 3-4 years ago.  Of course I'm familiar with it now, but when I got my new phone and can not get my steps on my watch but have to go to my phone and go through different parts of the program to find them, naw, I get annoyed - and you know I do not like being annoyed!  I'll try this new Spade and see how it works out.  If it doesn't, I'll go back to the Apple watch.  

I was awakened in the wee hours of the morning (before the watch buzzed me) with someone on my mind, and heart, and I found myself praying over them.  In fact, I have been praying for this person for several days now.  My heart aches for them and they are constantly on my mind and I am constantly praying for God's intervention in their life.  That's all I'm going to say about that.  Other than I believe that God will answer my prayers for healing, and I am crying out to Him for that.  Increase my faith, O God, that You will heal as I have fasted and asked.

Hubby has headed out for his Friday morning Bible study and I am alone.  And yes, I am enjoying not having to anticipate him opening the door to ask me something or for him to come in for something.  My door is now open and the house is quiet.  I am enjoying hearing the rain falling outside (if you are out in it today be careful!!) and relishing the thought I do not have to drive to work anymore.  In fact, I don't know that I have anything on the calendar for today, other than work.  The good result of COVID; I am 100% remote.

Grabbing a second cup of coffee this morning as I finish this and get on the work computer.  Had several messages and IMs come through after I shut down. I did look at the messages on my phone to determine if it was anything urgent last night.  Nothing that can't wait until this morning when I am officially at work.  Yesterday - dare I even verbalize this - was a very quiet day.  I did chat with my favorite boss once or twice, but my male boss was kind of quiet except for one meeting he had me schedule.  And today, he is 'quitting' at noon and heading out for his vacation - all next week!!  I worked on a baby quilt I am wanting to finish.  In fact, I have so many projects 'to finish' that sometimes I don't know what I should do first!  I'm thinking I need to finish these two baby quilts first and then move on. I had to go on Amazon yesterday to order binding.... it's faster than waiting for JOANN's to ship. With them closing down, and all their '40% off' sales - what they have done - and they must think we are stupid buyers - they have raised their prices and then put them 'on sale' for a lesser price. Yeah, right. It's all about the money.  Why would investors buy out JOANN's and then close all the stores?  I wonder who bought them - someone made a comment recently that the investors bought them out to close them so that they could promote another store they want to see succeed.  So who is that?  Michaels?  I am pretty sure it isn't Hobby Lobby - so who else is there?

A granddaughter called me last night and asked if Grandpa and I still did weddings.  I said yes; although Grandpa has only participated in one.  Her husband's grandmother has decided to marry her partner as he has been asking her for a couple years now; she finally said yes.  And - it's in three weeks!  The granddaughter is making all the arrangements, and I've offered my help as needed.  It will be a somewhat small and simple wedding, in a backyard - at least that is the plan at the moment.  This woman is so much fun to talk with and she and I do sit and chat when we are together, so it isn't like I don't know her or her now fiancé. 

Psalm 139:23-24 (NIV):  Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Oh how many times do we have anxious thoughts!  Thoughts of fear, of despair, of uncertainty, of anger, many, many types of emotions.  So what are we do to with all those?  Yeah, you DO know - give them to God.  It's hard.  And so many times we 'give' our thoughts to Him, but then we pick them up and walk back away with them.  Do we really think that by stressing and worrying about our children, our grandchildren, our siblings, our friends - all these things - finances, relationships, etc. - that for even one second WE can make them better?  We can't. Not even one of them - without God's help.  I have learned over the past 40+ years that if I give them to God, He will work on them in my place.  It doesn't always remove the fear and the pain that I like to hang on to; especially over this one thing I have constantly been praying for, but His Word says for us to keep knocking until we get an answer.  So I am pounding on His door, praying for something and am believing it will happen.  And there will come a time that I won't remember to pray for it anymore; that I will have peace about it, for I will know that God IS answering my prayers, but He is doing it in His timeframe.

I think I have mentioned it before, how we stress and fret because answers don't come as quickly as we want them to. Things may even miss deadlines. But what we don't see - the big picture - God does see, and He will take that delay and make us better for it.  Sometimes He is just using the circumstance to draw another's heart to Him, and when He gets it, we can see the good of the delay.  I'm still praying for salvation for my children, my grandchildren, and even my great-grandchildren.  My heart hurts deeply for those who loved Jesus and have now turned away from Him.  Especially those who seemed so close to Him - and turned away because of unforgiveness.  Lord, please help them to forgive and turn back to You.  You are the only way in this life.  Help us to be ever mindful of what we say, what we do. Turn us back to You, Jesus.

Blessings!

It's not too bad....

 Hubby could not wait to take off his bandages and did so a little after noon.  He has about 1-1/2" stitches from the bridge of his nose up.  Those are the most prominent.  The one on his cheek, you can't even see the stitches, and right now, it's all puffy, and it looks like he may have a 'dimple'.  The plastic surgeon did an excellent job in filling that hole they dug into his face.  This was the quarter size hole.  It hasn't been too painful for him, but the cheek is puffy and red and he is starting to get a black eye.  He bemoans how he looks, but it is all part of the healing process.  He has actually done very well with it.  He didn't meet his friend last night and the daughter didn't come over so it was just us again last night.  I did work on some of my diamond art after dinner.

Yesterday was distracting as hubby kept coming into the room to talk about anything and everything. I did call the help desk yesterday morning and they helped me get the iphone 16 registered to the authenticator at work to connect.  It was still going to my old phone.  The tech knew exactly what to do.  I had no idea that changing phones would cause a need to call the help desk and 'register' the new phone and delete the old one.  Think I'm keeping the new one now, rather than go through this again.  

Then yesterday afternoon..... hubby tried to call his friend to tell him that he wouldn't be meeting him, and his NEW phone gave him the Verizon message it wasn't in service.  What?  My new phone still worked.  And his OLD phone still worked.  Looks like Verizon turned off the new one.  We started to Verizon after I got off work to find out why and return the old phones we planned to turn in today.  Maybe the turn off was to get them turned back in?  But, as we were heading that way, I remembered the guy we worked with gets off at 3PM, so we turned around and went back home.  Hubby will drive over there today and personally hand them to the person we worked with and get his NEW phone turned back on, and the old one will be turned in.  It was a somewhat stressful evening as we tried to get the message to his friend from my phone.  And, my phone case I ordered before hubby's still has not arrived.  It was to arrive two days ago.  Then yesterday.  Today's message says Saturday.  I guess it is coming from China.  Surely they have some of these cases somewhere around here in the USA.  I'm debating on cancelling the order.

After we went to bed I heard something fall, but did not get up to check. The thought entered my mind of what it sounded like (seriously) but I did not get up and check.  Hubby caused me to wake up a few times during the night with his getting up and turning, etc., so I don't feel like I slept well and was still sound asleep at 5AM when he came in to the bedroom making noises and it woke me up.  So I feel like I'm running an hour behind this morning.  Anyway, I went to look at my phone to see when my case would get here - only it wasn't where I put it.  I looked everywhere and couldn't find it, so asked hubby to call my phone.  Where was it?  It was the noise I had heard last night (and that thought had entered into my mind) and it had fallen off the table and down the side of my chair in here.  I did look when I first discovered it wasn't there, but it had fallen between some papers and I didn't see it.  So that took several minutes this morning as well.  The back of the phone is so slick I guess it must have vibrated somehow and slid off the table.  It wasn't on the edge so it is interesting that it fell off.  I sure hope that the case I ordered comes on Saturday.  If not, I will get one similar to it and make it do.  It's so slick I don't even like holding it in my hand. 

So here it is Wednesday, I get up late(r) and had to find my phone.  I'm trying hard to shake off my crankiness because things are out of my usual routine.  I skipped a couple books I read in the mornings because I was running short on time.  I don't want to just 'read' the devotional, I like thinking about it.  Like my Dear Abba book I am going through.  It can take me 45 minutes to write my letter to God and listen for Him to speak to me.  I wasn't going to skim through the reading and skip the waiting part.  The waiting part is the most important part.  God will speak, if we will just pause long enough to listen.   So with being out of my 'routine' of doing things, I'm feeling 'out of sorts' somewhat.   This is why my 'quiet time' in the mornings is so important to me.  It helps me focus upon God and give Him my day so that I can get through it better.

I want/need to take a day or two off work, but don't want to when hubby is home.  I know that doesn't make sense, but we don't do anything.  Like now, we are together 24/7 and although he loves it; I'm smothered and dying.  Yes, I can leave and go to the store or somewhere, but I also don't want to spend money frivolously.  I do that enough online with Amazon.  If I go to Sam's club, I do need to pick up some more Premier Protein shakes as with 30 grams of protein they help shake any hunger and can be used as a meal replacement or a snack.  Low carbs (4g) too.  But I know me.  I will have to walk the aisles and I know that I will find some other things to buy.  It's Sam's Club, remember?  So I keep myself away until I have to go.  Which might be today if I need to get out of the house.  Sometimes I think hubby forgets that I am working for he frequently interrupts with things he needs or questions he has.  If I was at the office, he would not be doing that.  I imagine if I was at the office and gone all day he would be agreeable to my retirement just so he could have me at home.  Right?  He is so afraid of being alone and something happening to him.  If I'm here, I'm his security blanket.

I John 4:9 (NKJV):  In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him.  

As I read that verse this morning, I am reminded of the love that God has for us.  It is so great that He sent His only Son to earth, to live among us, to suffer for us (our sins), and then to have Him, His only Son, die on an old rugged cross.  It was so painful to God to see His Son suffer so, that He had to turn His face away.  He could not bear seeing His Son, His one and only begotten Son, carrying all our sins and bearing it all on the cross.  Remember Jesus crying out the words "My God, my God, why hast Thou forsaken Me?  The anguish of those words!  The cry of the Son to the Father.  God had turned His head away.   

But the love of the Father for us, raised Jesus from the dead, and took Him to be with Him.  I love my children, but I don't know that I could give up any of them.  To suffer for others they don't even know. To be beaten and hung on a cross.  No, I would not willingly give up any of my children for that.  Not to save anyone else.  And neither would you.

But God.  He did it. He gave up Jesus for you and for me.  Jesus took all our sins and had them nailed to the cross.  Just so that we could live life fully and be with Him eternally.  Living life in heaven has such a better appeal than burning in hell for eternity.  Living with Jesus really isn't that hard.  Love God first and love others second.  Treat others like you want to be treated.  Is that so hard?  Why not ask Jesus to take your sins away and serve Him?  It's so easy.  Just tell Him you are sorry for your sins, that you are choosing to follow Him for the rest of your life.  Ask Him to forgive you, and help you live life the way He would want you to.  So simple, and it is free.  Jesus has already paid the cost.  Won't you surrender to Him and live life?  In that it is love.  You will know love like never before.  Everything is 'new'.  Everything is 'love'.

Blessings!

Attitude Adjustment ... working on it

 The trip to the office yesterday went very well, I think.   Two of my friends were in the office working on a project so I got to visit and catch up with them.  My boss came in and the four of us got to have lunch together and shared a lot of laughs as we were catching up on things.  I packed up more computer equipment than I thought I had.... and now need to clean out a cabinet in the garage so that I can store it all in there.  I found the one computer I needed to hand off to a new executive I will be supporting to IT so that they can update it and assign to him.  I imagine I will be going back today to pick it up.  It was a good trip there and back.  It seemed like a very good day.

I jumped back on the computer when I got home and my boss and I were exchanging emails about various projects we are working on.... and 'the email' came regarding the replacement for my other boss who retired.  I was disappointed.  The one I have mentioned that I was somewhat 'anxious' about  getting the job - got it.  I had put myself 'out there' to the President of the division and told him my concerns.  Of course the final decision was not his, but those above him, but still....  I have struggled with this person responding to my emails.  She blows off meetings that I've included her in.  She is intent on doing her own thing (which is just as important), but being as I have been focused on this one area with my former boss to have this one who is now getting that job somewhat 'ignore' that part of it... it disturbs me.  I had told the president of this division that I felt disrespected when she does not even bother to respond to my questions.  Yes, she is an internal hire; this is a promotion for her.  I'm happy for her and I'm sure she will do a great job.  I just don't want to support her.  But that is my job.  And with that, I need to do an attitude adjustment, and wipe away all the times I have been frustrated at her lack of response to me.  

So with that happening and then hubby decided to have another one of his discussions with me... and my comments of his failure to do upkeep of the house as he promised .... it wasn't a really great evening.  I went to bed with a headache and am so-so right now.  I think I slept decent enough, but time will tell.

So with all that, today's devotion really spoke to me.  I'm trying to find my way back to the sweetness of His Spirit.... but sometimes life just beats you up and tears you down so much that one tends to give up.  And I think that is what I have done.  I've given up holding on.  And I'm searching and reaching for His hand again to hold me close.  I am in desperate need of quality quiet and alone time with Jesus.  More than just the time I take in the mornings.  What I have in the mornings sustains me, but sometimes it isn't enough to get me through the barage of the day.  Lord Jesus, help me!

Today's devotion has to do with 'Living from the Inside Out'.  Ironically there is a message I wrote one time about that very subject.  And at that time, I was living from the inside out.  I just don't feel that now and I miss it.  I'm searching for it.  I long for it.

"My child, I want you to live in such confidence in your relationship with me that nothing moves you. I want you to be so aware of my presence that you and I carry on a constant conversation. I want you to feel my nearness every moment of the day. I want to draw you into the depths of my heart, day and night.

This is the inner life I've called you to lead - and I want you to then live from the inside out. I offer you the chance to know me, to really know my character and to believe in my generous nature. I want you to know me as Savior, Friend, and Overcoming King. I offer you the chance to live in the way you've always dreamed, to be fully aware of the direction I'm leading you , to notice the gentle tug that pulls you toward your destiny and into an excited and spontaneous response. I want you to be so confident in my Spirit within you that the realm of my kingdom is just as real - or even more real - than the situations around you. I want you to live from the inside out."

Luke 17:20-21 (TPT)  "Jesus responded, "God's kingdom realm does not come simply, by obeying principles or by waiting for signs. The kingdom is not discovered in one place or another, for God's kingdom realm is already expanding within some of you."

Yeah.... that's what I'm missing... the 'living from the inside out' part.  I allowed life to beat me up and take over my thoughts and my passions.  I need an attitude adjustment, a heart adjustment, a mind adjustment.  And I imagine some of you do as well.

So what I'm going to do right now is take some time talking to Jesus and get some things straightened out in me. Life is hard, very hard at times.  It hurts you, it beats you up.  And that's when we need to focus on Jesus and draw ever so near to Him, laying all these issues and hurts down, and getting close to Him.  

That's where you will find me the rest of my time this morning before work.  Sitting at Jesus' feet and telling Him what's going on inside of me, and asking Him to help me in my weakness, forgive me for trying to do it all in my own power, and take over my life completely.  I want Him to live not only IN me, but in my thoughts, my words, my attitude, my life.   It's all about Jesus.

What about you?  Do you need to spend some time with Jesus too?