The trip to the office yesterday went very well, I think. Two of my friends were in the office working on a project so I got to visit and catch up with them. My boss came in and the four of us got to have lunch together and shared a lot of laughs as we were catching up on things. I packed up more computer equipment than I thought I had.... and now need to clean out a cabinet in the garage so that I can store it all in there. I found the one computer I needed to hand off to a new executive I will be supporting to IT so that they can update it and assign to him. I imagine I will be going back today to pick it up. It was a good trip there and back. It seemed like a very good day.
I jumped back on the computer when I got home and my boss and I were exchanging emails about various projects we are working on.... and 'the email' came regarding the replacement for my other boss who retired. I was disappointed. The one I have mentioned that I was somewhat 'anxious' about getting the job - got it. I had put myself 'out there' to the President of the division and told him my concerns. Of course the final decision was not his, but those above him, but still.... I have struggled with this person responding to my emails. She blows off meetings that I've included her in. She is intent on doing her own thing (which is just as important), but being as I have been focused on this one area with my former boss to have this one who is now getting that job somewhat 'ignore' that part of it... it disturbs me. I had told the president of this division that I felt disrespected when she does not even bother to respond to my questions. Yes, she is an internal hire; this is a promotion for her. I'm happy for her and I'm sure she will do a great job. I just don't want to support her. But that is my job. And with that, I need to do an attitude adjustment, and wipe away all the times I have been frustrated at her lack of response to me.
So with that happening and then hubby decided to have another one of his discussions with me... and my comments of his failure to do upkeep of the house as he promised .... it wasn't a really great evening. I went to bed with a headache and am so-so right now. I think I slept decent enough, but time will tell.
So with all that, today's devotion really spoke to me. I'm trying to find my way back to the sweetness of His Spirit.... but sometimes life just beats you up and tears you down so much that one tends to give up. And I think that is what I have done. I've given up holding on. And I'm searching and reaching for His hand again to hold me close. I am in desperate need of quality quiet and alone time with Jesus. More than just the time I take in the mornings. What I have in the mornings sustains me, but sometimes it isn't enough to get me through the barage of the day. Lord Jesus, help me!
Today's devotion has to do with 'Living from the Inside Out'. Ironically there is a message I wrote one time about that very subject. And at that time, I was living from the inside out. I just don't feel that now and I miss it. I'm searching for it. I long for it.
"My child, I want you to live in such confidence in your relationship with me that nothing moves you. I want you to be so aware of my presence that you and I carry on a constant conversation. I want you to feel my nearness every moment of the day. I want to draw you into the depths of my heart, day and night.
This is the inner life I've called you to lead - and I want you to then live from the inside out. I offer you the chance to know me, to really know my character and to believe in my generous nature. I want you to know me as Savior, Friend, and Overcoming King. I offer you the chance to live in the way you've always dreamed, to be fully aware of the direction I'm leading you , to notice the gentle tug that pulls you toward your destiny and into an excited and spontaneous response. I want you to be so confident in my Spirit within you that the realm of my kingdom is just as real - or even more real - than the situations around you. I want you to live from the inside out."
Luke 17:20-21 (TPT) "Jesus responded, "God's kingdom realm does not come simply, by obeying principles or by waiting for signs. The kingdom is not discovered in one place or another, for God's kingdom realm is already expanding within some of you."
Yeah.... that's what I'm missing... the 'living from the inside out' part. I allowed life to beat me up and take over my thoughts and my passions. I need an attitude adjustment, a heart adjustment, a mind adjustment. And I imagine some of you do as well.
So what I'm going to do right now is take some time talking to Jesus and get some things straightened out in me. Life is hard, very hard at times. It hurts you, it beats you up. And that's when we need to focus on Jesus and draw ever so near to Him, laying all these issues and hurts down, and getting close to Him.
That's where you will find me the rest of my time this morning before work. Sitting at Jesus' feet and telling Him what's going on inside of me, and asking Him to help me in my weakness, forgive me for trying to do it all in my own power, and take over my life completely. I want Him to live not only IN me, but in my thoughts, my words, my attitude, my life. It's all about Jesus.
What about you? Do you need to spend some time with Jesus too?
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