Daggone - that hasn't happened before! Every morning I re-read what I put on my blog the day before to see if I need to add anything to it, respond to something, etc..... and part of my blog is missing! Yes, the last part..... I don't remember now what I had typed there, but somehow I must have deleted it before I saved the document. Daggone!! I'm sure it must have been good.... in fact, in scanning what I had discussed just before it, I'm sure it was. My apologies if you wondered 'huh? why did it end that way?' It does sound like I 'just stopped'...
Our day yesterday was quiet and boring.... no, I didn't put the frames up as planned. Just the heaviness of hubby taking over a task that I want to do kept me from it. I know he just wants to be useful, to help, but I want to do some things by myself. That's why the house we lived in for over 25 years was not my home. He never allowed me to do anything. He didn't do it either in the latter years, but he also prevented me. I couldn't paint a room, I couldn't move furniture, I couldn't deep clean it. He just refused to let me. And it is starting to happen here as well and it shuts me down. I can't do anything when he is at home, and I have to sneak and do things when he isn't. I've decided to find another place for my picture and rehang the senior pictures on the one wall. I kept the nails, and the holes are still there. But I will wait until tomorrow morning when he leaves for his early Bible study (if he will go), and then put the nails back into the wall, and get them hung back up. I need to bring the frames back in to this room so that I can put the pictures into new frames so that they will hang more evenly. Not complaining, just stating facts.
Even though I really didn't want to go, it was easier to say yes and just do it. Hubby asked about 8:30AM if I wanted to go to the gym at 9:30AM. Well, we had nothing else going on and although everything within me was saying NO, I said yes. So we went and I walked on the treadmill for 30 minutes and got some decent steps in yesterday. It's interesting. The treadmills face the pool and I got to see the maze that hubby had been telling me about. It was full of 'old people'! LOL I know, I'm old too! But I felt like the youngest one there with looking out over the pool. It looked like most were in groups of 2 to 4 people and they just talked and walked slowly through the maze in the pool, over and over. It's a big pool too. It is shaded so they don't get sunburned. Looks like there may be a spa in the middle. On the left are lanes in which people could swim laps, but on this side it was just the maze. It was interesting to watch them. For many, I'm sure it is the only exercise they get and I applaud them for getting out there and walking. They perhaps can't keep their balance on the treadmill and I'm sure the exercise in the water is much better on their joints. It was really cute to see them in their little sunhats walking through the pool. Some had on swimsuits, some just had shorts and a shirt on.
Hubby insisted on taking me out for brunch.... he got breakfast; I got a salad. I really wasn't hungry as I had just finished my shake before we left the house to go to the gym. It was easier to give in after telling him I wasn't hungry than insist we go home where we had food we could eat. He does love to eat out and he does it frequently. Me, it's not such a big deal. I'd rather save the money and spend it on grandchildren. :-)
After the eating we came back home. Hubby got on his computer and I came back into my sanctuary to read quietly.... until he came looking for me and complained about me being in here and not out with him. sigh. I gave up and went out and we spent the rest of the day watching movies. I have such a boring life at times.
And my life sometimes creates what is called 'hope deferred' as I mentioned a few blogs back from the book I am reading. I finished the book this morming and it is helping me change the way I think about things. Instead of getting depressed about my life, EXPECT it to change. Of course it means not only does the situation need to change, but I do as well.
"Deep within you there is a spirit of faith just waiting to be resurrected".
Read that again. Did that speak to you at all? Sometimes I am desperate for a spirit of anything to be resurrected in me, aren't you? The book listed many 'expects' and I highlighted each one. Here's one I want....
"Expect His presence to be evident in your life in a new way. Isaish 60:2 says that "the Lord will rise upon you." If you have grown cold or lukewarm in your walk with God, expect His presence to awaken you to a new season of intimacy. Expect a fresh passion for the Lord to be ignited within you. Anticipate visitations from Him in the night hours. In your quiet times with Him, look for the reality of who He is to explode off the pages of His Word. Expect His presence to overwhelm you."
Expect new joy to rise up in you. Expect the favor ot the Lord to come to you. Expect a light to shine in your prison. Expect your chains to fall off. Expect your prison doors to open. Expect gates to open. These are just a few of the different headings and I underscored a lot of what was written. EXPECT the Lord to do something for you; in answer to your prayers.
A life filled with hope is your destiny and inheritance as one of God's kids. Don't settle for anything less. Expect your heart to get well. Expect the clouds of doubt to yield to the dawn of hope. Expect a new beginning in your life. Expect to enjoy life again. Expect to win.
Expect.
My hope and expectation for you is that you will pause and think of where you are spiritually. It's so easy to get caught up in life that you turn (or try to) God off. After all, the world is so appealing and fun, right? I know; I have gotten caught up in it at times as well. But one thing I do know, the hope I have in Jesus is so much greater than what this world has to offer.
In Jesus I have peace. No matter what I am going through, no matter what I write in here about my own personal struggles, I can let it go. When I lay it out and surrender it at Jesus' feet; at the foot of the cross, we are all the same. Sinners in search of the Savior who gave His life for each one of us.
Expect.
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