I'm going to do it -

 I'm going to get a short note put in here early this morning.  And yes, I'm still taking my computer with me, in case I have the opportunity to get on here without a lot of questions.  We're up at 4AM this morning; ok, maybe it was 4:10AM.  I have been awake most of the night - don't know why.  I'm not anxious about the trip. I have nearly all my things packed and ready to go.  I still need to take a shower and wash my hair this morning.  Hubby needs to shower too, but because I said I was going to wait until about 5AM, he said he was too.  We have plenty of time this morning before being picked up at 6:45AM. I have pulled the things we're taking out of the freezer and they are thawed out this morning - lots to munch on during the trip if wanted - oatmeal raisin cookies, pumpkin scones, brownies, and cranberry pumpkin nut bread.  What isn't eaten on the way there will be eaten while there, I'm sure.  

My HIIT workout was tough last night - I actually sweated!  I usually don't sweat, I just 'glisten' - but last night it must have been warm in there as well for I actually had sweat flowing.  Does it mean Morgan gave me a great workout?   We ended up going to El Pollo Loco for dinner - dang! Their prices have certainly gone up since we have been there!  Hubby got his usual 3 piece meal and she charged us 15.99 for it!  What happened to the 10.99 it used to be?  They remodel the place; perhaps they need to pay for it now? We won't be going back for awhile.  I got the chicken tostado salad and it was $14.99 - and of course both included drinks.  It's getting too expensive to eat out anymore as well.

I did buy my yarn yesterday at Hobby Lobby but I'm going to try something and see if my youngest will accept it.  I'm not going to even attempt to do a round afghan at this point.  I think I will do a lap blanket as it is for the grandmother.  I bought the colors they use - black white yellow blue and turquoise.  I'm going to do the stripes as I usually do - but will see if I can't figure out a different design - if not - the V stitch it will be.  Hope that will work out as it is in my mind.

Psalm 91:1-2 (NKJV):  Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."

Hubby and I always pray before we start out on a trip and this morning will be no exception.  We probably will be riding in different cars, and with people who don't believe in God.  But they will.  In time. Yeah, they are on the 'prayer list'.  Anyway- hubby and I will spend time praying here for our trip before we leave.  We both may be bold enough to pray before we actually get on the road, there is never too much prayer.  God is good, and He is faithful.  If He can love and rescue someone like me, He loves you already, and He can and will rescue you, if you ask Him.

Grateful that we can pray and put the trip in God's hands and not in the driver.  As you know, many people never make it to their destination.  And yes, it doesn't mean that accidents can't or won't happen and Christians are taken anyway, even if they prayed first.  But I am more confident in where I'm going and being ready when I pray, than I am when I don't.  Think about that. If you are going on a trip and someone isn't praying over you, you may need to find someone to do that.  Lucky for my children, they know mama is praying for them as they travel. Whether they want it or not.

And with that - I must get off here and keep moving to be ready to head out the door.  Still have two hours before pick up but need to shower and dress and make sure I have everything.  

At least I gave you something to read.  And, if you think about it, would you please whisper a short prayer for travel mercies as we travel to New Mexico today.  It is a long trip and sitting in a car that long - definitely won't be getting my steps in today!  Thank you - appreciate the prayers!

Blessings!

I don't know why...

 but I was awake at 1AM this morning - and the tossing and turning began.  I am sure I dozed a little, but I finally got up about 2:45AM and came in here and tried to sleep.  According to my sleep on my watch, I may have slept 15 minutes... or was it that I was just still in the chair?  I prayed over my children... I listened to see if God would tell me what He wanted me to pray about - but nope, nothing.  I also had a bit of a sinus headache.  When hubby got up at 4AM I finally got in the hall closet and got some excedrin to take.  My coffee (caffeine) helped tis morning as well to get rid of the headache.  Will I need a nap later today?  Very possible!

My youngest stopped by yesterday on the way up north (again) and gave me a gift for Mother's Day.  He had a couple of his children with him and one grandson, and I was so glad to see them.  I asked the granddaughter if she had lost my telephone number.  She said no.  I teased her that she needs to use that number and call me - I'll come pick her up - and she and my great-grandson can bake cookies. :-)  It's been a few years since I've had her here to do that.  I really want a close relationship with my grandchildren... and I try, I really do.  But I realize as well that their lives are busy.  Most have jobs or children.  I miss the days when they were small and I could pick them up and take them to church on Wednesday nights. Those were special times for me.  I hope they are special memories for them.  Interestingly, a grandson mentioned recently my taking them to church on Wednesdays.  Made me feel good he remembered.

I started a new devotional this morning.  I had taken all my books away except for the Bible, intending to just read it and journal - and most mornings that is all I have time for.  But there is something about another book this author wrote that caused me to buy this one.  It's on Grace.  He's pulling this 39 day devotional off of Ephesians 2:1-10 and wants us to memorize it.  So starting today, I need to learn verse 1.

Ephesians 2:1 (NKJV):  As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins,

Let's just pause there for a moment.  Without Jesus, we are dead in our transgressions and sins.  Transgressions?  That word means basically, 'acts that are against the law'.  The dictionary gave other definitions, but in reality, it is the same.  So, a transgression is something we do against the 'law' - but the law can mean rules, as well.

An example they gave and I'm going to use it a different way - when a housekeeper breaks something and then tries to hide it, she is committing a transgression.  Does that make sense?  They are breaking the rule of honesty.

If we go against the Word of God and one of His commandments - for example, "Honor thy father and thy mother' - and instead we ignore them and say things against them - we are committing a transgression against them.  Does that make sense?  We are breaking a commandment.

But for Christians, we have grace.  Because of Jesus, and His death on the cross for every sin you will commit, we have His grace.  

Personally, I am so grateful for His grace.  I have cried out for His grace many times, for I need Him more than anything.  I am sure I have been up and down all over the place over the 40+ years that I have been following Him.... but each time that I fall, Jesus picks me up, forgives me (when I ask with a sincere repentant heart), and sets my feet back on the solid ground of Grace.

I have received so much grace.  But are we to keep sinning because He freely gives us grace?  No.  But I find myself at times doing things that I don't want to do, when I know I should do something else. And I'm sure you do as well.                

Grace convicts the conscience when we do something we shouldn't.  Don't believe me?  If you feel a guilty feeling when you do something you know you really shouldn't, it's God's grace calling to you to stop.  How many times have we been rescued when we closed our mouths from speaking words we wanted to speak but knew that we shouldn't?  God's grace.  How many times do we forgive those who hurt us - and again, it is God's grace that enables us to do that.

My heart breaks over my grandchildren and children who have turned away from God because they didn't get their way about something and they allowed others and the world to pull their attention away. I have to pray for them - I do not want them to go to hell.  And one never knows when Jesus will return - nor when something will take our life.  What if they don't have time to repent before they die?  Do they really want to go to hell and burn for eternity?  Just because they want to do things their way?  O that their eyes would be opened and they will repent and turn to Jesus!

My prayer for each one is that Jesus would reveal Himself to them in such a way that they will fall on their knees and repent and worship and turn to Him alone.  Lives will be changed.  Families will be restored. They then have a 'Helper' to walk with them through life.  Although I have followed Jesus over 40 years now, I so wish I knew Him even before that.  I wish that I had taught my children to know Jesus - not just know of Him.  Lord, help.

I have a little bit of time left this morning so think I will read a bit.  I don't think today is going to be too busy for work - and it's Girls night out tonight.  Hubby changed his bible study with his friend from Tuesday to Thursday nights so that he can go to the men's Bible study at church starting tonight.  I think it is only for 5 weeks and then they break for the summer (so hubby says).  I know the women's Bible study starts tomorrow night and it is a 5 week class.  No, I have decided to wait until fall when it will be ongoing.  I don't want to overwhelm myself with too much.  I hope hubby can make friends there and become involved.  With losing his two breakfast/brunch friends, he is home all week but Friday mornings.  I NEED him to find others to meet during the week - even though it costs a meal!  This clingyness drives me crazy.

And with that - I'm off here - hope you have an amazing day!

Blessings!

Running behind schedule today

 I am a bit behind the schedule I have myself on in the mornings because I have started a Bible study with my little sister that started on Wednesday (Ash Wednesday) and will continue through to Palm Sunday, I believe.  It's leading up to Easter, anyway, and we will probably finish it closer to that time.  I haven't watched the video that goes with it yet, but I have started on the lesson and have at least gotten into the book.  Sis and I plan to touch base on Sunday evening or Monday evening to discuss the first week of the study, so will be watching the video either later this afternoon/evening or over the weekend.  So far, I am intrigued with the new study and am looking forward to learning new things and refreshing myself in just being in a study learning more about Jesus and His death and resurrection for me - and for you.

I received my new Spade watch yesterday- it's the latest - the Health 4.  I'm still trying to get it set up the way I want it.  Really need to review the videos on how to do that.  One thing I know I will like about it is that the battery will last 10-13 days - whereas I have to charge my Apple watch every single day.  In fact, if I even use it for anything; i.e., telephone call, tracking my steps, etc., it uses up the battery - and when that happens, things like this morning when it buzzes me in the early morning hours that my battery is about gone.  Like, I care during the middle of the night?  I sleep with it on so that it will track my sleep - but guess what - I may be just using my new watch from now on.  Hopefully I will become more familiar with it. I've read up on it the past couple of years and I like what it offers.  I haven't cared much for my Apple watch since I bought it 3-4 years ago.  Of course I'm familiar with it now, but when I got my new phone and can not get my steps on my watch but have to go to my phone and go through different parts of the program to find them, naw, I get annoyed - and you know I do not like being annoyed!  I'll try this new Spade and see how it works out.  If it doesn't, I'll go back to the Apple watch.  

I was awakened in the wee hours of the morning (before the watch buzzed me) with someone on my mind, and heart, and I found myself praying over them.  In fact, I have been praying for this person for several days now.  My heart aches for them and they are constantly on my mind and I am constantly praying for God's intervention in their life.  That's all I'm going to say about that.  Other than I believe that God will answer my prayers for healing, and I am crying out to Him for that.  Increase my faith, O God, that You will heal as I have fasted and asked.

Hubby has headed out for his Friday morning Bible study and I am alone.  And yes, I am enjoying not having to anticipate him opening the door to ask me something or for him to come in for something.  My door is now open and the house is quiet.  I am enjoying hearing the rain falling outside (if you are out in it today be careful!!) and relishing the thought I do not have to drive to work anymore.  In fact, I don't know that I have anything on the calendar for today, other than work.  The good result of COVID; I am 100% remote.

Grabbing a second cup of coffee this morning as I finish this and get on the work computer.  Had several messages and IMs come through after I shut down. I did look at the messages on my phone to determine if it was anything urgent last night.  Nothing that can't wait until this morning when I am officially at work.  Yesterday - dare I even verbalize this - was a very quiet day.  I did chat with my favorite boss once or twice, but my male boss was kind of quiet except for one meeting he had me schedule.  And today, he is 'quitting' at noon and heading out for his vacation - all next week!!  I worked on a baby quilt I am wanting to finish.  In fact, I have so many projects 'to finish' that sometimes I don't know what I should do first!  I'm thinking I need to finish these two baby quilts first and then move on. I had to go on Amazon yesterday to order binding.... it's faster than waiting for JOANN's to ship. With them closing down, and all their '40% off' sales - what they have done - and they must think we are stupid buyers - they have raised their prices and then put them 'on sale' for a lesser price. Yeah, right. It's all about the money.  Why would investors buy out JOANN's and then close all the stores?  I wonder who bought them - someone made a comment recently that the investors bought them out to close them so that they could promote another store they want to see succeed.  So who is that?  Michaels?  I am pretty sure it isn't Hobby Lobby - so who else is there?

A granddaughter called me last night and asked if Grandpa and I still did weddings.  I said yes; although Grandpa has only participated in one.  Her husband's grandmother has decided to marry her partner as he has been asking her for a couple years now; she finally said yes.  And - it's in three weeks!  The granddaughter is making all the arrangements, and I've offered my help as needed.  It will be a somewhat small and simple wedding, in a backyard - at least that is the plan at the moment.  This woman is so much fun to talk with and she and I do sit and chat when we are together, so it isn't like I don't know her or her now fiancé. 

Psalm 139:23-24 (NIV):  Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Oh how many times do we have anxious thoughts!  Thoughts of fear, of despair, of uncertainty, of anger, many, many types of emotions.  So what are we do to with all those?  Yeah, you DO know - give them to God.  It's hard.  And so many times we 'give' our thoughts to Him, but then we pick them up and walk back away with them.  Do we really think that by stressing and worrying about our children, our grandchildren, our siblings, our friends - all these things - finances, relationships, etc. - that for even one second WE can make them better?  We can't. Not even one of them - without God's help.  I have learned over the past 40+ years that if I give them to God, He will work on them in my place.  It doesn't always remove the fear and the pain that I like to hang on to; especially over this one thing I have constantly been praying for, but His Word says for us to keep knocking until we get an answer.  So I am pounding on His door, praying for something and am believing it will happen.  And there will come a time that I won't remember to pray for it anymore; that I will have peace about it, for I will know that God IS answering my prayers, but He is doing it in His timeframe.

I think I have mentioned it before, how we stress and fret because answers don't come as quickly as we want them to. Things may even miss deadlines. But what we don't see - the big picture - God does see, and He will take that delay and make us better for it.  Sometimes He is just using the circumstance to draw another's heart to Him, and when He gets it, we can see the good of the delay.  I'm still praying for salvation for my children, my grandchildren, and even my great-grandchildren.  My heart hurts deeply for those who loved Jesus and have now turned away from Him.  Especially those who seemed so close to Him - and turned away because of unforgiveness.  Lord, please help them to forgive and turn back to You.  You are the only way in this life.  Help us to be ever mindful of what we say, what we do. Turn us back to You, Jesus.

Blessings!

This one has been 'different'...

 I went longer without discomfort from my right eye surgery - but this left one seems to cause discomfort soon after I came home.  Not the eye itself last night but around it.  For one thing, the left side of my forehead was numb - that didn't happen on the right side.  Odd.  When I turned my head to the right yesterday afternoon, pain would shoot down from the left side of my nose down to a couple crowned teeth.  Obviously, I didn't do that often last night, but as I check it this morning, it seems to be ok.  I ended up taking a couple tylenol extra strength yesterday over the afternoon - and I rarely need a 'pain pill'.  This morning it feels like a stitch is sticking up against the eyelid ... it comes and goes.  I go to the doctor this morning and they will remove the patch I have over my eye.  I'll discuss it then.  I wonder if I will notice any drastic difference once the patch is removed, as I did with the right eye.  So glad both surgeries are over.  Two weeks from today I go back for the one month check up on the right eye. Two weeks after that, the one month check up on the left eye.  Then I think I'm done for awhile.  I already have an appointment in October... I wonder if I need to keep it after having all this done in between last year and this year's appointments.

Youngest son headed north yesterday with the prodigal granddaughter and her baby and all her things.  He had planned to do a 'turnaround' and come right back.  I was awake numerous times throughout the night, thinking of him driving back alone, and offering up prayers for his safety.  This morning I find a text that he may be staying overnight there as they had snow.  He didn't text again so I'm hoping he did stay overnight.  That's a long trip to make a turnaround.  As the boyfriend left when they arrived, she was able to get all her things and the baby and his things without confrontation.  How I wish I was able to take that baby and raise him myself!  

I managed to do some reading last night - even with one eye.  It was awkward, but not too bad.  I have slacked off somewhat on my reading and need to get back to it.  Grateful I love to read for I can lose myself in a book and forget about issues going on about me.  Got a couple books going now... LOL .... and a couple crochet projects too!  I certainly have enough to keep me busy!  Although both are relaxing for me and I enjoy both.

Oh my goodness - I made a new recipe the other day and it was delicious!  We finished it up last night.  It's 'crockpot enchiladas'.  I told hubby last night that it is something that would be good to have when we have company over.  Easy to fix, and it only takes a couple hours in the crockpot.  Although, I am thinking if I double or triple the recipe for 'company', that I need to bake it in the oven - that would work too.  The crockpot is only to heat up all the ingredients.  The only thing that is cooked first is hamburger.  I wonder if I could substitute chicken and it would be as good... I think I may try that soon.  I'll buy a roasted chicken and tear off the meat and use it.  MMMM that even sounds good!  It shouldn't be much different - and it is so easy to make!

Isaiah 53:5-6 (NKJV):  "But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned, everyone one, to his own way; and the LORD has laid on Him the iniquity of us all."

As I sit here this morning, I am reminded that Sunday is Palm Sunday.  When I was growing up, we remembered Palm Sunday by the children taking palm branches and walking throughout the sanctuary and calling out "Hosanna!  Hosanna to the King of Kings" as a reminder of the day Jesus rode the donkey colt into Jerusalem.  Isaiah 53 tells us what will be happening to Jesus, centuries before it actually happened.  

Jesus is our sacrificial lamb.  So grateful we don't have to make sacrifices like they did in years of old.  Jesus ended the sacrifices with His life.  He was wounded, beaten, his beard torn out from the skin, gashed skin from the lashes.... for us.  He took every lash, every beating, every torn skin from his body, for you and for me.  Our Shepherd.  Taking the 'heat' for His sheep.  Yes, we are sheep and as mindless as they are, we are so much like them in that we also go astray.  We have to stay close to the Shepherd to be taken care of.   Our Shepherd took all the sins we have done, and all the sins we will do, to the cross and He alone bore all the stripes and beatings.... for you and for me.  Without fighting them.  Letting them do whatever to Him.  He took it all, He bore it all.  The greatest sacrifice ever.

"It is finished."  His final words. Jesus gave up His life, to save yours and mine. 

John 15:13 (NKJV):  "Greater love has no one than this; than to lay down one's life for his friends."

And we are friends of Jesus.  Whether we acknowledge Him or not; whether we choose Him or not; whether we live for Him or not.... Jesus died for us.  Why?  Because we are His friends.  Eternally grateful.  God's sacrifice of His only Son.... for us.  I could not give up one of my sons.  Could you?

Take a moment and reflect on the sacrifice that Jesus made for you.  Think about how much your love your son(s).... would you die for them?  (I would, in a heartbeat!)  Would you let them die to save the world?  (that is a much harder decision)  

Make today the first day of your life, and choose Jesus, and thank Him for His sacrifice, to give you life.   I'm so glad I made that decision years ago.  Over the years He has transformed me.  I was a mess when He accepted me.  But I was free the moment I turned to Him.  And you will be too.  Feel the burdens roll off you; accept His grace.  He loves you endlessly, and never gives up on you.

Blessings!

Yesterday...many tears

 I was in my quiet time yesterday and got a phone call that broke my heart.  My daughter was asking for prayer for our little great-granddaughter.  Guess she woke up and instead of running into mommy and daddy's room, she ran into the living room and (I'm guessing) startled their dog, Lotus.  Lotus bit her.  At that time we didn't know WHERE she was bit and the parents were rushing her to the ER.  After the phone call I fell on my knees and could not stop crying and crying out to God to let it not be serious; not be something that can't be fixed; praying for mercy for this little one. All morning long I could not stop crying and praying, even when I was trying to work.  

Finally I received a phone call that she had been bitten on the face.  They were still trying to determine if needed stitches.  Long story short..... she ended up getting one stitch in three places.  The scratches/stitches are just below her right eye, on the left side of her nose, and on her right cheek.  They did facetime with me yesterday afternoon so that I could see but she was still bandaged up.  She was happily eating gummy bears.  The tears finally dried up then as I knew God had answered my prayers and she was going to be ok.  

God does still answer prayers.  This is just proof that He does.  All we need to do is ask Him, seek His face, and He answers.

Matthew 7:7 (NKJV):  "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you."

Yes, I take that scripture literally.  Our God wants to give us good things.  He wants to respond to us with the things we need - and even want.  But first, we have to Ask Him.  Seek His face (and not just His hand), and keep Knocking (asking) until we receive from Him what we are in need of.  He longs to give it to us.  We just need to ask for it!

We are meeting up with our pastors today for lunch and getting acquainted.  We know the pastor's wife fairly well now as she is in our Bible study group.  We know more about our pastor after reading his book "Goodbye 360" which is about him losing weight to get below 360.  He limps.  We thought it was because he was so heavy.  But no, from birth his right leg has been shorter than his left leg.  Little things that we 'assume' are a result of something else totally wrong.  Hubby and I are both looking forward to meeting up with them.

We didn't get to bed until after 10PM last night.  We decided to watch Chosen from the beginning on prime video.  It's probably on Netflik too.  It has a good story and we are enjoying it... but I don't like the breaks; to me they are annoying; but they are just 'intermissions' between stories.  Season 3 will be out soon and I hear it is amazing.  We decided to start with season one again and go on through season 2 and be ready for season 3 when it comes out.  It's all my little sister talks about and she pushes it on me all the time to watch.... which annoys me.  She even bought me the season one disc.  I now have season one and two discs which I can watch on my DVD player.  But, we are watching on TV now.  Have you seen it yet?  You ought to.  It brings the Bible to life, albeit that the narratives are not in the Bible, but they help you understand.  

I woke up at 4AM as usual, told myself it was Saturday... but got up and came in here anyway.  And tried to go back to sleep.  I had an 'ear open' to hear hubby and sure enough, it wasn't long before I heard him up and soon he was bringing in my coffee.  I still tried to sleep... and failed.  Did my quiet time and now I am writing this - and am about 45 minutes to an hour 'behind my usual schedule'. And that's ok.  It's Saturday.

My neighbor, Ms. Amy, has called me 6 times in the last three days to remind me her niece is coming in town today and will be picking her up and bringing her to her 'condo' (as she calls it) for a little while.  I needed to unlock the doors from the garage into the house.  I did it yesterday so it's done.  She has a garage door opener so can get in that way, but the next doors into the house needed to be unlocked as I locked them.  I assured her last night that the doors were already unlocked and that we would probably be gone when she came.   I know she's lonely and I try to keep in touch with her at least once a week.  I went last week for a visit as it was her birthday.  At least some family is coming in from California today to visit and then go back tomorrow.  It's a nice break for her.

It's a beautiful cool morning today.  And I need to get up and jump in the shower.  Hope that you have safe travels, make happy memories, and have an awesome day.  Remember to take time for God; He has provided this beauty for us.  Thank Him.

LOL  I got a text, read it, then flipped to facebook and saw my DIL had posted something.  I LOVE IT.  A manket.  Is this for real?  It cracks me up - but I can see it happening!  Made me smile anyway.  Not only keeping people warm, giving them company.  I like being kept warm, but my blanket is fine, thank you very much.

Have a blessed day!

It was a very long day...

After literally flying all night to get here, yesterday was also a very long day.  Arriving around 10AM, my daughter and I rented a car and headed to my little sister's house to unload our suitcases and figure out where we go from there.  The midwest moves a lot slower than where we are from, for sure.  I mean that as a joke.  We rode with my little sister to meet our brother at the funeral home he chose. We were to be there by 2PM.... well, we arrived closer to 2:30PM and he was waiting on us. We still have not found anything that gives us my sister's wishes for her funeral so are proceeding without it.  To save on expenses, I will be putting together her service.  Nothing to be done at the funeral home; they will embalm her and we chose an inexpensive casket to place her in.  They will put her obituary on their website and her name in the paper.  All information will be maintained on their website - Conkle Funeral Home.  

We do not have a set date for the funeral service nor a time.  We had hoped to do it on Monday, but with complications thrown in, her bank account was closed when my brother went to clean it out - and told the bank she had died and he was the POA.  Well, the POA ceases to exist (which we didn't know) once the person dies.  We should have used the debit card to withdraw the money before he told the bank.  Instead, they closed the account and no one can access the money until they see a copy of the death certificate.  Which, also unfortunately, will be late in forthcoming (as in 45-60 days) due to the complications of my sister's death.  We do have a letter from the coroner's office, stating her date of death, but it isn't enough to be allowed anything.  My brother let me see the will; she left basically everything to my brother and his wife to take care of, dispose of, with no one else mentioned, not even her children.  With that, my assumption is that everything goes to my brother and sister in law, who, by the way, are unable physically (plus don't want to), help with anything at the apartment.  Anything of value we are giving to them.

I understand one insurance policy was found and we are assuming it is still in effect.  A claim has been put on it and my brother is assigning a portion of it to the funeral home to handle the cost of everything.  Unfortuantely here as well, the funeral home cannot proceed without confirmation from the insurance company they will be paid and that is taking even longer, and here it is Friday.... we were hoping for a funeral on Monday but they said that it will be minimum Tuesday or Wednesday. An alternative solution is putting it on ones' credit card so that we can move ahead with things.  Brother said he could do that, but didn't want to.  I didn't offer.  He is the beneficiary of the policy.  My plane leaves Wednesday evening.  We are hoping at the very latest, have the service Wednesday morning or early afternoon.  

After nearly 3 hours at the funeral home getting things put together, us girls (3 of us - my little sister, my daughter, and me) headed to my older sister's apartment to start the packing process.  Oh my goodness.  Between the heat and mugginess of the outside, the inside was much worse.  I do not sweat, as a rule.  I was drenched as I packed closthes and so were the others.  My daughter was throwing things away from the pantry - food that expired in 2017 if that explains anything - lots and lots of makeup - what a mess.  I packed clothes from the closet (only half way through one closet and have 4 boxes already) and my sister worked in a corner of the bedroom in boxes and containers that our sister had stacked up.  After a few hours doing that, I was physically and mentally drained and called a halt.  My neck has continued to give me intense pain (not sure if it is arthritis or a pinched nerve, but it was hurting before I left to come out here. The pain sends chills all over my body) but the work would mostly distract from that.  With flying all night and very little sleep, the stress of the funeral decisions, no food beyond a package of pretzels on the plane for 'breakfast' and a few cookies at my sister's, I insisted we stop and pick up something to eat and call it a day.  

Once we got back to my little sister's, I had to create the obituary since no one else had.  Got it done, everyone reviewed it, and I sent it to the funeral home for them to use.  I'm not sure when we went to bed, but it was very late.  Hubby called me during the evening upset I hadn't called him... and the call was all static again even though he upgraded to a '13'.... is it my phone now?  UGH.  I couldn't hear half of what he said due to the static and I didn't feel like listening to step by step of his day.  I wasn't rude, but he got angry and let me go.  After a shower I hit the bed and slept sooooo very well.  Awoke early this morning and since I got up, my neck is once again roaring its pain.  Pain-killers and cream has not helped at all.

My daughter and I awakened early since we have the time difference; the brother in law just got up and my sister is still in bed.  We wanted to get an early start this morning.  I insisted we get a good breakfast in us before heading over as I need to have food to get through the day if we are doing that much work, and my daughter being a diabetic, needs to eat also.  It will probably be late morning before we get back to the apartment, mainly because my sister doesn't move that fast.  

I understand the nephew is to be getting out of the psych hospital today or tomorrow and will be by to pick up his things.  He has no place to go now so don't know what he will do.  I found an email from my little brother this morning for ME to find our niece's telephone number and call her.  She does not plan to come back for the funeral - and won't be back at all - unless her mother left her something of value.  Which she did not.  So she will not attend the funeral, but I do expect the son to be there.  The funeral will be very small, in the chapel, and I do expect a few friends to attend.

But for today, after breakfast is working on the apartment again.  I'm praying that I can get my neck pain to go away so that I can focus on what needs to be done.  Since I AM the older sister... feels like a lot is being given to me to handle.  I have to put my emotions aside for now and deal with what is before me.

I know my thoughts are rambling this morning.  My neck is hurting really bad.  My brother in law is rambling his thoughts about things I care nothing about.. and I'm trying to write here.  So, I will hush. I need to get dressed then get my sister up and perhaps an hour later can get us out for breakfast and get done what we can today.  We just move a bit faster than this when there is work to be done.

And in all of this chaos, I still choose to remain 'still' and wait for the Lord to tell me what to do.  Help me not to give in to my instincts, but to trust in His plan.

This is very hard for me, for although my sister and I were not as close as my little sister and I were, I did keep in contact with her nearly weekly.  In fact, I talked with ehr last on Tuesday, and Wednesday morning all this started.  The coroner has said it was 'accidental'... which is helpful with the insurance policy as intentional voids it.  So much we do not know.

Appreciate your prayers and thoughts as we go through things and process all that needs to be done.  In the meantime, I will be still, and know that He is God and I am not.

Blessings!