After literally flying all night to get here, yesterday was also a very long day. Arriving around 10AM, my daughter and I rented a car and headed to my little sister's house to unload our suitcases and figure out where we go from there. The midwest moves a lot slower than where we are from, for sure. I mean that as a joke. We rode with my little sister to meet our brother at the funeral home he chose. We were to be there by 2PM.... well, we arrived closer to 2:30PM and he was waiting on us. We still have not found anything that gives us my sister's wishes for her funeral so are proceeding without it. To save on expenses, I will be putting together her service. Nothing to be done at the funeral home; they will embalm her and we chose an inexpensive casket to place her in. They will put her obituary on their website and her name in the paper. All information will be maintained on their website - Conkle Funeral Home.
We do not have a set date for the funeral service nor a time. We had hoped to do it on Monday, but with complications thrown in, her bank account was closed when my brother went to clean it out - and told the bank she had died and he was the POA. Well, the POA ceases to exist (which we didn't know) once the person dies. We should have used the debit card to withdraw the money before he told the bank. Instead, they closed the account and no one can access the money until they see a copy of the death certificate. Which, also unfortunately, will be late in forthcoming (as in 45-60 days) due to the complications of my sister's death. We do have a letter from the coroner's office, stating her date of death, but it isn't enough to be allowed anything. My brother let me see the will; she left basically everything to my brother and his wife to take care of, dispose of, with no one else mentioned, not even her children. With that, my assumption is that everything goes to my brother and sister in law, who, by the way, are unable physically (plus don't want to), help with anything at the apartment. Anything of value we are giving to them.
I understand one insurance policy was found and we are assuming it is still in effect. A claim has been put on it and my brother is assigning a portion of it to the funeral home to handle the cost of everything. Unfortuantely here as well, the funeral home cannot proceed without confirmation from the insurance company they will be paid and that is taking even longer, and here it is Friday.... we were hoping for a funeral on Monday but they said that it will be minimum Tuesday or Wednesday. An alternative solution is putting it on ones' credit card so that we can move ahead with things. Brother said he could do that, but didn't want to. I didn't offer. He is the beneficiary of the policy. My plane leaves Wednesday evening. We are hoping at the very latest, have the service Wednesday morning or early afternoon.
After nearly 3 hours at the funeral home getting things put together, us girls (3 of us - my little sister, my daughter, and me) headed to my older sister's apartment to start the packing process. Oh my goodness. Between the heat and mugginess of the outside, the inside was much worse. I do not sweat, as a rule. I was drenched as I packed closthes and so were the others. My daughter was throwing things away from the pantry - food that expired in 2017 if that explains anything - lots and lots of makeup - what a mess. I packed clothes from the closet (only half way through one closet and have 4 boxes already) and my sister worked in a corner of the bedroom in boxes and containers that our sister had stacked up. After a few hours doing that, I was physically and mentally drained and called a halt. My neck has continued to give me intense pain (not sure if it is arthritis or a pinched nerve, but it was hurting before I left to come out here. The pain sends chills all over my body) but the work would mostly distract from that. With flying all night and very little sleep, the stress of the funeral decisions, no food beyond a package of pretzels on the plane for 'breakfast' and a few cookies at my sister's, I insisted we stop and pick up something to eat and call it a day.
Once we got back to my little sister's, I had to create the obituary since no one else had. Got it done, everyone reviewed it, and I sent it to the funeral home for them to use. I'm not sure when we went to bed, but it was very late. Hubby called me during the evening upset I hadn't called him... and the call was all static again even though he upgraded to a '13'.... is it my phone now? UGH. I couldn't hear half of what he said due to the static and I didn't feel like listening to step by step of his day. I wasn't rude, but he got angry and let me go. After a shower I hit the bed and slept sooooo very well. Awoke early this morning and since I got up, my neck is once again roaring its pain. Pain-killers and cream has not helped at all.
My daughter and I awakened early since we have the time difference; the brother in law just got up and my sister is still in bed. We wanted to get an early start this morning. I insisted we get a good breakfast in us before heading over as I need to have food to get through the day if we are doing that much work, and my daughter being a diabetic, needs to eat also. It will probably be late morning before we get back to the apartment, mainly because my sister doesn't move that fast.
I understand the nephew is to be getting out of the psych hospital today or tomorrow and will be by to pick up his things. He has no place to go now so don't know what he will do. I found an email from my little brother this morning for ME to find our niece's telephone number and call her. She does not plan to come back for the funeral - and won't be back at all - unless her mother left her something of value. Which she did not. So she will not attend the funeral, but I do expect the son to be there. The funeral will be very small, in the chapel, and I do expect a few friends to attend.
But for today, after breakfast is working on the apartment again. I'm praying that I can get my neck pain to go away so that I can focus on what needs to be done. Since I AM the older sister... feels like a lot is being given to me to handle. I have to put my emotions aside for now and deal with what is before me.
I know my thoughts are rambling this morning. My neck is hurting really bad. My brother in law is rambling his thoughts about things I care nothing about.. and I'm trying to write here. So, I will hush. I need to get dressed then get my sister up and perhaps an hour later can get us out for breakfast and get done what we can today. We just move a bit faster than this when there is work to be done.
And in all of this chaos, I still choose to remain 'still' and wait for the Lord to tell me what to do. Help me not to give in to my instincts, but to trust in His plan.
This is very hard for me, for although my sister and I were not as close as my little sister and I were, I did keep in contact with her nearly weekly. In fact, I talked with ehr last on Tuesday, and Wednesday morning all this started. The coroner has said it was 'accidental'... which is helpful with the insurance policy as intentional voids it. So much we do not know.
Appreciate your prayers and thoughts as we go through things and process all that needs to be done. In the meantime, I will be still, and know that He is God and I am not.
Blessings!
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