I stared at that question on my phone last night without opening it up to see if there was any more to the message. I still have not opened it, although I will sometime this morning, and I will respond. Part of me wants to respond 'not yet'. Part of me wants to respond by not responding. Part of me just wants to say 'yes' and be quiet and hear what she has to say. I want to be friends. I want to let Jesus in me be the One who responds to whatever is said. So I pray. And I trust. How I respond can either tear a life down (one that is already in depression), or satisfy enough of her manipulation (see what I learned as I thought about it this morning?) to say "I love you, but we are not where we used to be. It will take time to trust again." And I am still praying this morning that God will show me exactly what to do, and what to say.
I had the best encouragement yesterday. My oldest son sent me a text that basically said "I love you and I understand what you are feeling, mom". It always helps to know that you don't walk this troubled path alone. And I let him have the last 'word'.... although I sent him a heart. :-)
My younger sister sent a text yesterday asking if I took a certain quilt. I didn't even see that quilt at all when I was packing things up last week. I took the quilt off the bed and had planned to keep it, but forgot to force it into the big box that will be delivered tomorrow. So I left it behind for my little sister, telling her that I really didn't NEED the quilt, I was going to take it because it was my older sister's. I can't even remember what I did take.... miscellaneous things, hankerchiefs, a purse, some baby quilts she had bought at the flea market; some 'my pillow' baby pillows.... I really don't know. And if I had to do it all over again, I probably would only take one thing, if that. Just something to remember her by, although I do have my memories of my older sister.
I was asked to share in our Bible study part of my dysfunctional family episodes from this last week. I shared about the texts I have received and that I did not respond. Interestingly, our scripture study last night was on James 1:26-27.
James 1:26-27 NKJV: "If anyone among you thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this one's religion is useless. Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world."
A summary of verse 26 says: "The unbridled tongue renders a person's testimony worthless."
What does that mean? You can have all the Christian sayings you want hanging all over your house. You can go to church every time the church doors are open. You can volunteer and say all the right things to others.... but.... if you let the devil entice you to say things that are cruel and mean, let your human emotions take over your words and your actions, then your testimony of living in Jesus is worthless. You have destroyed any opinion they have of you. And in that, you will have to ask forgiveness, not only of God, but of the people you offended, and work to rebuild that trust, that you are truly who you say you are in Christ.
I have said it before, and I will say it again. I am not perfect in Christ. Oh how I want to be! I pray every day that I seek Him before I say things. But, I still sometimes will do and say things that I should not. I'm a work in progress, and I'm grateful for God's forgiveness and His strength and help in my times of need. I have failed so many times, but I get up, dust myself off, and again dive into His Word and seek Him in prayer that I may live according to His Word for me. More than anything else in the world, I want to be His. I want to seek after His heart always.
We have sometimes said "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me" - and yet, the tongue that says those words can cut deeper than any stick or stone. Be careful of the words you speak and the way you speak them. Take it from one who has experienced many 'sticks and stones' thrown at me through the tongue. Words can destroy you, or they can build you up. I do not want to tear anyone down. I choose to guard my words and speak encouragement ... I may fail sometimes, but I want to love and encourage everyone.
The tongue. It can be brutal or it can be loving and kind. I think our children, as they are growing up, learn a lot from how we use our tongue. Sometimes they try us to the limit to where we may say some things that we really don't mean, but in our frustration we say. I'm sure that I did it! Looking back over the past 50 years, (oh that feels weird to say) I wish I had done a lot of things differently. I wish I knew Jesus 'then' as I do now. Things would have been a lot different. But God knew the path I would take, and He let me take it so that I would know my dependence is totally upon Him.
Think back on the words you spoke recently. Were they kind? Loving? Helpful? Encouraging? Those are the kinds of words you should speak. Weigh carefully the words you sometimes want to say. Things that are sarcastic and hard, bitter, angry. Sometimes we have to choose carefully what we say. We shouldn't always say what we want to say. It's always better to hold those words in, (as in draft form?) than put them 'out in the bubble' of what is said.
Something to think about.
Blessings!
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