Yesterday was a very productive day as far as getting things completed at my sister's apartment. We threw things away; we bagged/boxed up for Goodwill (and took two loads over with a third load ready to go first thing this morning), and we are finally seeing where we have made difference. Relationships between faimly members - including me - are getting strained at times. I'm choosing to try NOT to react, but just do what I'm asked to do. It's frustrating because I don't have all the information about what is going on and I'm being told eo do some 'reach out'. And I'm busy trying to get things completed and packed.
Situations between family can get really stretched during this time, I'm finding out. I didn't expect it for sure, thought we'd pretty much band together. Perhaps part of it is Father's Day weekend. I wish we had waited a week to come out. Talk about making us feel like we are in the way. At least my sister isn't commenting about doing something for her hubby (which she doesn't usually, she said) and we aren't included. Some plans I had made in my mind kind of fell by the wayside. Oh well.
Family feuds are horrible and at times like this should just be laid aside. But stubbornness is prevalent in my family and so it is. It's painful for the rest of us. I keep receiving comments from one sibling about running everything by another one... and I haven't seen nor talked to the other one! No I'm not running everything by them - like I said, it's frustrating and painful. I'm wishing I was home.
Speaking of pain... my neck started hurting a few days before I left. I had been putting arthritic cream on it and it had helped. Sitting up all night on the plane, and my head bobbing, trying to sleep, did not help at all and I have been in near constant pain since Wednesday. Today is Saturday. I bought 'Icy Hot' yesterday and used the patches as well as the cream, trying to get relief. I'm thinking I may have a pinched nerve - my twingles of pain at times will send chills all over my body.
I woke up 'early' this morning - still not sure exactly what time it is. My iphone converted to the time here, but my fitbit did not. But how could it be so early? So confused! I finally got up and put some more icy hot on my neck. Plugged in my fitbit (it was still showing 11PM something.)... my iphone was saying 2AM something... I thought we went to bed late... had my fitbit given me the wrong time? But we are 3 hours behind.... I have no idea what time it is - but looking at my computer right now it shows 12:34Am... which means it must be 3:34AM here. I've been 'up' for over an hour, trying to get relief for my neck. At the moment I am sitting on the floor with my back up against the wall in my room, typing this. Praying for relief. Oh, and I have a cold wash cloth against my neck. It doesn't seem to be bringing much relief. May try to see if I can get in for a massage... something to release the tension I have built up in my back and neck due to the pain.
Little brother wants the entire family get together at a restaurant and I suggested Monday evening as Father's Day will make things crowded as well as some people having plans. He has hopes his daughter will visit him on Father's Day so it is off limits anyway. Our older brother also has plans for today and tomorrow with father-in-law and his own son/himself 'celebration' of father's day. As he kept naming people that needed to be invited, he mentioned our older berother and his family - who they have not talked to since 2004. And I'm being put in the middle. He also mentioned a granddaughter of our sister... and I commented that this granddaughter hated our sister, and had nothing to do with her - and refused to even let her see the great-grandchildren. That's when my brother went off on me... and he broke down and started crying. From regret of things said in the past? Pained because of our family situation which even the death of our sister will not change? I chose not to take sides then - and I choose not to take sides now. Sometimes we have to just leave things alone; make the offer, but leave it alone. It has been so hard to be here. I don't have any regrets with my big sister; I called her, I sent her gifts; I kept in touch. Because others didn't and they perhaps feel guilty... well, it is painful. It is always easier to point fingers than look within oneself and accept responsibility.
Sounds like my brother in law is sleeping in his recliner as I hear snoring coming from the front room. He often does sleep there as his cancer gives him so much pain he can't get comfortable in bed. He has lost so much weight that I'm reminded of one of my grandsons waistline... well, perhaps not quite that small. Perhaps 30 inches.
My daughter has been such a great help in getting things done. Being on 'midwest' time has proven difficult for both of us. We want to get an early start, but arriving late morning to start does frustrate some. We went fro breakfast yesterday morning - then to pick up boxes and trash bags before heading to the apartment. Took awhiel to get all that done. Had to get chocoalte too - just to get through the day!! I bought cereal for us to have this morning, hoping to get an earlier start. The way my neck is hurting though, I may have to try for a massage - but I can't see getting in today - and if they are as busy as they are at home - it could not even happen here.
It is 4AM .. still pitch black outside. Why am I awake?! Oh that my neck will stop hurting so I can rest. I must try to sleep at least an hour; I have been going at too fast a pace not to rest - had over 11K in 'steps' yesterday. And we still have lots to get done. I need to work on the service as well; hoping to take a few hours on Sunday to pull it together. Still do not have a date. The nephew is due to get out of the hospital... what are we supposed to do when he shows up? He knows he can't stay there... it puts us in a bad position. It breaks my heart; he lost his mother, his petrs have been removed (which he can get back at a later date), but to be homeless too. Life is so very hard sometimes.
And with that, I am going to hush and try to rest. Praying constantly for review of this pain. Would appreciate your prayers as well. Pray too that I will be wise in dealing with family and not let my own emotions play into things. Help me to be loving and kind regardless of how they are to me.
Forgive my mistakes as I type;
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