and I'm struggling over some things that keep coming to mind. Things like that happen to you? Some of these thoughts are not that important that they keep coming up to mind - and yet, they do. My heart is hurting this morning about something, and I've been praying and asking God to either 'fix it' or change my heart. Plus, something else is coming up later this month that I do not want to be a part of, and yet, I know I will be forced into it. How can I willingly (or unwillingly) do something that makes someone else so very happy and yet my very heart is distressed and dying because of it? Oh questions for which no one will have answers to help - but God. So yes, I have prayed about it this morning already and have given it to Him. Now I just need to quit taking it back and thinking about it. My heart is in anguish about it, and I need to 'let it go and let God' as I tell many people to do. Change me, Lord.
I didn't want to get up this morning but struggled up about 4:30AM. Time is already flying by this morning, and I still don't want to 'get up' and get prepared for work. I know I have several things I need to work on this morning, and I don't want to. I'm longing for April when we girls go on Jailbreak this year. I am mentally exhausted. Lord, Help.
I have my training tonight at 4:30PM so I need to get mentally prepared for that. At least I know it is upper body workout, and not core this week, so it will be chest/arms/back - whichever she chooses to focus on. I think it's about time for arms - like biceps and triceps - I don't think we have done it since my muscle popped in my left arm. Will see. I'm sure she remembers the photo I sent her and won't let me do some of the exercises.
I cheated on my 'new plan' last night. I snuck and got one (yes, only one) Girl Scout Trefoil cookie and put one (yes, only one) piece of dark chocolate on it..... and I ate it. I just needed to be in control and defy whatever I was needing to defy. LOL I'm sure that doesn't make sense. I did enjoy the cookie and the chocolate. It shouldn't make much difference in my reading this morning - and I don't care if it does. I wanted it. I ate it. And I enjoyed it. Yes, I wanted another, but I did resist that. I can sit down and eat a whole sleeve of the Girl Scout Trefoils in one sitting - and we don't even need to talk about how much chocolate that I can eat. Granted, I don't eat as much chocolate as I used to, but I still can pack it away! Always regret the quantity I eat but never the quality. I buy good dark chocolate. And I can have chocolate once in awhile - just the extreme dark - 1 ounce at a time. I haven't been counting carbs, but I'm sure I'm less than 40, although I'm supposed to be around 30 carbs a day. I haven't had any bread or bread products (other than that one cookie) so I think that helps. I fixed a t-bone steak last night for dinner - and thought of my boys and how they love their steak.
Psalm 59:6 (NKJV): But I will sing of your power; Yes, I will sing aloud of your mercy in the morning; for You have been my defense and my refuge in the day of my trouble.
Sometimes it is verses like this that keep me going each day. My anguish is great at times and so is my anger at times = yet I know that God can do anything. He is so merciful to me and has given me so much grace over the years, how can I not trust Him? How can I turn away from Him? He defends me and allows me to run to Him whenever I am troubled. And I've been running into His refuge a lot the past couple of days because of the anguish of my heart. I have to fight to keep from falling into depression, for it could easily happen. I know it is my thoughts that cause the sadness; my imagination of 'what could be' and 'what I want it to be' and 'might happen' and 'how do I deal with it'.... all these things run through my mind and what would I do with all that? I cry out to God constantly to change me, to help me, to guide me, to give me wisdom to make the right choices, to change circumstances so I don't have to deal with it.... and yet, today, here I am. Not that I'm dealing with anything other than these thoughts distracting me. But I will sing of the Lord's mercy to me. He is truly my refuge and my strength. And when things don't turn out like I desire, He helps me get past my disappointment in life and keep moving on.
Oh yes, I struggle - I lot. I want to be obedient in all things, but sometimes life is hard when people are not on 'your side' of what you want to do. But in all things, I give God thanks and I will praise Him for all things.
What about you? Are you struggling with something? Have you given it to God - yet? Why delay? It's easier to give it to Him, and when it comes to mind again, give it again. I know I do it all the time - sometimes I can totally release it, but other times I want my say in the results. That's when it keeps coming back. So I give it all to Him once again. And when I give my 'problem, my struggle' to Him, I can trust Him to take care of it. Think about it. Time for a release to God? Try it.
Blessings!
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