Morgan had me pushing the sled last night plus squats and sit/stands. Oh - and who can forget the one of leaning against the wall in a sit position (as in sitting in a chair) with a weight on your legs for 30 seconds. Trust me, it is the longest 30 seconds you may ever sit through! I will confess that I did not go into a total 'sit' position; I was afraid I'd go on down to the floor! But I did my three sets and between the sled, the lunges, and the squats - yeah, my thighs are starting to burn as I move them this morning. I was so tired last night that I went to bed just a little after 8PM. Granted, I normally go to bed at 8:30PM, but I was depressed over some things, and I was tired, so went to bed.
So of course hubby has to come in and ask this morning, "are you still upset over last night?" Yeah, we had a little conflict last night. It is so lame I don't even remember this morning what it was. But he was still wrong, right? He went for a check-up yesterday. The doctor told him he does not have dementia or even the start of it. That's good news. So I asked hubby then what is with all the forgetfulness, the uncertainty about doing things? Well, the doctor says that it is just 'old age'. AND hubby said he had told him that I wanted him to ask the doctor about the dementia, and hubby just knew that the doctor wanted to add "and Nxxx will find out as she gets older". Excuse me? He said the doctor didn't say that, but hubby just knew that he wanted to! I'm offended!! Or not. It's like, whatever. I told Morgan last night the non-diagnosis and she was surprised as she says she can give him an exercise to do and show him how to do it and he will ask her "now what am I supposed to do?" I laughed and told her I do that as well - but she said no, when I pause before I start is because I want to do it in correct form. Was she just being nice? Maybe our definitions are totally wrong.
Yes, I am getting older. Yes, I do forget things. Yes, I do get confused on directions at times. But not to the degree hubby does. The doctor did tell him he needed to read more, listen to audio books and concentrate on them, and I forget what the other was. He does read. Occasionally. It's his darn phone that drives me crazy. He is listening to all these 'things' political and all on his phone and he will sit for hours and do that. I don't hear but the screeching of it as it goes into his hearing aids, thank goodness, but it is distracting. If I listen to a video on my phone, because I don't have hearing aids and he hears it, he will interrupt in the middle of what I'm listening to, to question me about what I'm listening to! I try to ignore him until I'm through, but he drives me crazy when he does this. He doesn't get it. Leave me alone when I'm listening to something!!
Am I crabby this morning? Don't mean to be. I am dealing with some depression, I think. Yes, hubby drives me to this most days, and I can usually get out of it. Last night I went to bed early. That's how I deal with it most evenings. I go to bed early or read, where I can shut the issue out of my mind and in the morning, I'm usually fine. His words may still sting, but I get over it. And life goes on. As the saying goes, until you have walked a mile in my shoes, you have nothing to say.
This morning I have another chiropractor appointment. It only takes him about 15 minutes to do what he needs to do. I think he will have me come back for two more visits (to make it a total of 6) and that last two will be next week. It did not take care of my ocular migraines - I had a dozey the day before - but my neck moves more freely. I had trouble moving my head very far to the left and now I can move it further. It's still a little tight so he may work on it today. At least I know I'm not totally out of alignment bone wise. And if I do start having back pain again (lower back when I sleep wrong or pick up something real heavy), I have been established as a patient and can easily get in to see him.
One of my devotional books that I am currently using covered how we need to give to God those things that trouble us and ask Him to deal with them. Oh, trust me, I pray a lot about the things that trouble me and tell Him to do something about them! But He isn't my genie that I can rub to fix my problems. And many of the problems, more than likely, aren't even problems except in my own mind. I often say that I 'Let go and let God' do His thing, but do I really.
Jeremiah 18:3-6 (NKJV): Then I went down to the potter's house, and there he was, making something at the wheel. And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter, so he made it again into another vessel, as it seemed good to the potter to make. Then the word of the Lord came to me, saying: "O house of Israel, can I do with you as this potter?" says the Lord. "Look, as the clay is in the potter's hands, so are you in My hand, O house of Israel."
This is one of my 'favorite' readings in the Bible. Why? Because it tells me that God will not give up on me. As He shapes me into the vessel He wants me to be, sometimes I stick my nose in things it should not be in, I throw out a leg or a hand and mess things up. My clay body becomes distorted, so He has to press me back together and begin to mold me into a better vessel. I remember this story being used as a teacup. I remember it, but I'm not sure I remember it all. But the jest of it is that teacups are made differently; different styles, different sizes, some with beautiful paintings on them, some very plain and even others that have designs in their shape. It is a reminder that God has made each one of us different in this life. Some of us are fat, short, tall and thin, and some of us are cranky and irritable all the time, and others overly sweet and blah. There are so many words to use to describe each one of us. But we are all made in the image of God, in His image we are made.
God is our potter, and He makes us the way He WANTS us to be. Unfortunately, we oftentimes will stick our nose, arm or leg out of that perfect mold God made, and we mess things up really bad. And until we repent and turn back to God and ask Him to 'fix' us, we sure can be a sorry looking cup.
I have collected teacups and teapots for years. I don't have a lot of room for them anymore, but I have several on a shelf in my kitchen. At times I may grab the stool and pull out one of these cups and drink some tea from it. There are several that are my favorite cups, but none that I consistently choose. Friends and family have given me teacups over the years and I keep saying I will have a tea party. Maybe I will this year. It does take planning and preparation, but I do enjoy it. I'm going to have to think on it. Hubby is all for me doing it but grumbles at my preparations and all. It takes the joy away in doing these things - and it is something I need to just get over it.
And with that rambling, I'm going to hush this morning. Even though I slept well last night, I'm tired. I really need a 'free' day. Alone. Or with someone I want to hang with. Just to play and not think about work or responsibilities or anything. I think I need a grandma day!! My grandchildren (and great) bring me such joy when we are together. Maybe that's what I'm needing. Will have to think about that.
Have an amazing day and let God mold you into His image. I'm letting go of 'me' so that He can fill me up, mold me, and use me for His purposes. How about you?
Blessings!
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