Yesterday was truly 'a day'...

 I drove hubby 'across town' to the dermatologist surgeon's office for the removal of two basal cell carcinomas on his face.  I think I have mentioned before that one was between his eyes and the other on his cheek next to his nose.  He was very anxious about it so when he asked if I would go up with him versus my dropping him off at the door and returning home, I said yes.  I parked the car in the garage and we walked over to the office.  The office personnel were very nice and friendly, they had coffee and water and snacks set out for 'guests'.  Hubby goes up to register and the word 'cancer' was spoken.  Hubby says "I don't have cancer, I just have basal cell."  The nurse looked at him and said again, "You have cancer."  He goes "No, my doctor said it could CAUSE cancer if I didn't have them removed."  The nurse repeated again, "You have cancer."

As it would most people, it unnerved him.  I honestly thought that he understood that basal cell carcinoma was skin cancer.  For some reason, he had 'dropped' the word 'carcinoma' and was just saying basal cell (which is easier to say) and never made the connection as to what it was.  He was so shaken that when he asked me to stay, I did.  I wish I had taken my yarn.  Note to self: always have something stuck in the handbag to work on or carry the knitting bag.   Long story short, we both went back the first time and when they were ready to numb the areas, I excused myself.  I KNOW how bad that needle hurt in the back of my neck.  I didn't want to watch him receive those shots - in two places - and I am glad I left.  I heard him holler only once, but that was enough.

To make a long story short, he was taken back three times to ensure they 'got it all'.  After the second time they left him in the room and had me come back with him.  He was nearly in tears.  We talked and he calmed down.  Then they sent him out to the waiting room with me while they checked the area.  As he sat in the lobby, the blood started coming out of the bandage so I found the nurse and she took him back again.  Then they showed him there was still one spot on one of the areas they had to go back in and get.  I left the room.  I will see it today when he removes the bandages, but one was the size of a quarter we were told.  He is still pretty shaken about the entire ordeal, and I truly understand that!  He slept well last night I think.  We left the office at 3PM (his appt was at 10:30AM) and we went to the pharmacy to get his antibiotics and pain pills before heading home.  Getting home at 4PM I worked for another 30 minutes before heading to the gym for my training, then back home to the computer until I got caught up.  So glad I have a boss that lets me work my own hours basically.  So glad I didn't take the day off as PTO as just sitting there all day without my yarn was a very unproductive day, although I was 'working' off my phone on some messages for work.  All in all, hubby is doing well thus far.  He said the one on his forehead hurts the most right now.  He will take a shower this afternoon and soak the bandages so that he can get them off his face.  I think he may be shaken again when he sees the stitches.  But it will heal and he will be fine.

I'm still not liking the iphone 16.  Today I will have to continue going through the apps to see if everything is the same.  I found a critical issue that I will call the work help desk over this morning - luckily I still have my 'old' phone. At least until tomorrow.  When I sign in to work and sign in to the intranet, the authenticator still comes up on my old phone - but does not activate on the new phone.  That is a problem.  If the help desk can't fix it, I will turn in the 16 and keep my 12, which was working fine for me. My apple watch isn't working right either; I've 'lost' the steps icon and I've been all over the apple watch app and it is not there.  Other things are - but not steps so I can't track steps at a glance. I have to go into another app to see my steps.  Very frustrating for me.  All this I have to resolve today as we are to turn the old phones in tomorrow. Grateful they let us keep them activated for a few days to check them against the new ones. What I'm seeing thus far I do not like. 

I was reading in a book this morning about Jesus on the cross.  After the Roman soldiers had beaten Jesus unmercifully.  After Jesus was nailed to the cross.  Bloodied and beaten, Jesus looked out over those around him, and saw only one disciple (John).  He saw his mother (Mary), and one or two others that did not desert him.  He looked at the centurion who was watching over him. He squinted down and saw the soldiers gambling for his clothes.  And what did He say?  "Father, forgive them."

Three words.  Who were those for?  They were for the disciples who deserted Him.  They were for Peter who denied Him.  They were for the soldiers who beat him, and those who nailed Him to the cross.  Those three words were also for me, and for you.  Jesus went to the cross for my sins, and your sins.  You do not need to live a defeated life, carrying a heavy load of sin.  Why not let go of it and let Jesus have it?  After all, He died for your sins, so why are you still carrying them on your shoulders as a heavy burden?  Let them go and let Jesus have them; they are nailed to the cross.   He went to the cross for them; they are no longer yours to carry.  Thank You, Jesus.  He set us free.  So be free indeed.

Blessings!

Was it missed?

 I didn't have time to write in here yesterday morning as we were 'rushing about' getting ready to leave by 5AM to head to the hospital.  We made it with 15 minutes to spare.  The hospital is really nice; clean, and the employees are very nice and helpful.  My daughter came to sit with me and we both crochet'd for a few hours.  Surgery was scheduled at 8AM but we don't know when he went in as they took him back shortly after we checked him in at 6AM.  Once he was 'prepped', they allowed us both to come back for a short while to talk with him. The doctor did come and talk with us after the surgery.   A bit after 11AM they came and got me and said I had five minutes with hubby as they had just put him in recovery.  We were also told there were no beds so he could be there for awhile (and we couldn't see him).  Daughter and I went downstairs to the very very small cafeteria and made salads from the salad bar for lunch.  Back to the first floor to sit in the waiting area.... and we waited. And crochet'd.  I forget what time it was but the daughter had to leave.  I think about 2:10PM - and we were still waiting to hear if hubby had a room.  They came and got me about 10 minutes later and I went up to where hubby was in his room.   I know I'm rambling, but bear with me while I sort out the day.  Hubby came through the surgery fine; the aneurysm had grown to 25% of what it should be - or something like that.   The doctor had explained they blocked the internal flow and extended the external flow of this blood vessel - whatever all that means.  Bottom line, hubby is doing well; the surgery was successful, and he should be coming home today.

I had an uneventful evening - I did fix a hamburger (without the bread as I started on the 'Plan' yesterday) for my dinner, then sat down and crochet'd and watched movies on TV.  Yep, I did that thing.  I was tired; I really didn't want to get started on a project - although I could easily have done so since I had no supervision.  In fact, I think I fell asleep for a few minutes during one movie.  I didn't have to talk to anyone; I didn't have to do anything; I was just still.  And it felt good.  There were so many things I had wanted to do when I got home - but I didn't.  Oh - I DID turn the dishwasher on - does that count for doing something?

I stayed up way past my bedtime as I was watching a movie... and didn't go to bed until around 10PM. And you know what - once I got to sleep (after listening to all the creeps and snaps of the house for a bit), I slept sound throughout the night.  My alarm went off at 4AM and I told myself 'not today' - and fell back to sleep and slept until 5:30AM!  I could have slept more, but know I need to do SOME things before I head back to the hospital.  I was thinking of getting there around 10AM but may push it to 11AM.  Just cause I slept in and am getting a late start this morning.  And I had to get my own coffee first thing this morning - unheard of in this household!  Other than back pain from sleeping 'wrong', I feel rested for the first time in a long time.

So that was my yesterday - and with rushing about yesterday morning to get out of here within the hour after getting up, I didn't even try to do my Bible reading nor typing anything in here.  So, did you miss reading my ramblings?  Probably not. LOL

Mark 9:35 (NIV):  Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, 'Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all.'

Just in reading that verse I am sure that someone popped up in your mind who is always pushing to be 'first' in everything.  By that I mean 'first in line' or 'first to be recognized', and things like that.  Running a race and being first is something entirely different.    Reminds me of a scene in 'The Wedding Planner' starring Jennifer Lopez.  There is a wedding, and as the wedding planner looks through the camera screen, she sees a woman with a very large hairdo sitting close to the camera and blocking the view of where the wedding party would be standing.  She was near the back of the church.  So, the assistant went to the 'dark tower' as I think they called her and told the lady she was sitting in the wrong seat and moved her up closer to the front where she would not be blocking the view of the camera.  Ok, so that might be a lame example, but Jesus tells us to not push our way to the best seats; not to insist we sit close to the host - but hang back, and wait for the host, or whoever is in charge, to ask us to come up closer.  Does that make sense?

Hmmm.  Let me put it this way.  I love Sue, my favorite boss of all time.  We have been together for many years and she is a very loveable and friendly person to everyone.  So much so that everyone loves to be near her wherever she is.  They seek her out.  She is an amazing woman, and I sometimes claim her as my 'best friend' although I know that I am not HER best friend.  I know her best friend, and it isn't me.  But we are close friends.  She will circulate the room at a gathering, and if I'm there, guess who she will come and sit with.  Me. Not that I am anyone, but because she enjoys my company and wants to be with me.  I don't have to follow her about the room to ensure she doesn't forget me or leave me by myself.  She will find me and sit with me.  It's just something that happens.  It's like going to the Christmas Idea House each December.  She buys the tickets for us to attend and have brunch - and for the past several years has taken me.  And each year she always tells me she loves hanging out with me.  Probably not as much as I love hanging out with her - but you get the picture, right?

When we don't push ourselves in to people's lives, they make us feel valued when they are with us.  Does that make sense?  In Jesus' time it was who was going to sit next to the host; that brought them value and recognition.  But Jesus says, sit down at the far end of the table, and wait for the host to invite you to come up closer.  And it is the same in our every day lives.  One who pushes to be 'first' will often find themselves asked to step back and allow someone else be in front of them.  

Guess that I will jump off here and try to get some things done this morning before I need to head to the hospital.  I have so many projects and tasks that I want to accomplish - who knows if I will actually do any of them.  Sigh.  I'm like a kid in a toy shop with a $100 bill.  What do I do first?  What should be accomplished first?  I'm off work today too - and I want to play all day - but what do I do?  LOL  Guess I will stop and figure it out.  Shower, breakfast, then I'll decide, right?  Will see!

Blessings!

Who would have thought....

 that at 2:23AM I would be awake and typing on here?  I am exhausted.  No, I'm more than that.  I'm wiped out.  Spent the day at the hospital waiting on hubby to have his surgery, then he was sent to a room as they decided to keep him overnight for observation, although he was doing just fine.  The doctor told me it was because the incision was in the abdominal area and it was a couple inches deep to the vein he had to go down to get to the aneurysm behind the knee.  I left the hospital around 5:30PM-ish I think and then headed home.  Stopping at El Pollo Loco, I grabbed a 2 pc chicken meal to have when I got home.  I hadn't eaten breakfast or lunch except for a protein bar and some grapes/strawberries I had packed.  I was hungry.  Got home, ate, watched a movie, decided to crash about 8:30PM... which is around our usual time for bed during the week.  Only... this time... I'm tossing and turning, and am awake some time after 1AM.  I refuse to get up.  I continue to toss and turn. I pray for those tat came to mind.   I finally gave up.  I came in here to my room to sleep in my chair; perhaps that is what I'm needing.

Nope.  My legs are aching - more than likely from sitting for most of the day.  I did get up and walk occasionally, but obviously not a whole lot.  I sat and nearly crochet'd an entire baby blanket while I was there.  And that's with taking breaks!  So, my legs hurt, I'm really tired, and I can't sleep.  I'm thinking I can take a tylenol to maybe stop the ache and maybe in a bit I can snag another hour or two of sleep before needing to start work.  And, another thing that popped up in my very tired mind this morning is that it shows how inactive I have been with sitting all day, moving just enough to fix dinner, then sitting all evening.  I simply must start getting more active.  I don't think it is going to be today.

Hubby is to be discharged this morning.  I didn't take today off so asked him to call me when they discharged him and when he is ready to come home, I will drive over and pick him up.  I don't need to go up and sit and wait.   I remember last time I did go up the next morning and he had already been discharged and was finishing packing up.  No sense in me finding a parking spot and going up to his room when I can just pull up front and they will bring him down.  Of course if I went and parked my car, that would mean I'd be walking some... 

It was nice my bosses both checked in with me yesterday to see how things were going.  My one (male) boss.... I feel bad for him... his calendar is always back-to-back meetings, and he is one of these people who are so organized and keeps notes of every meeting, etc.  Since he and I often share 'true' feelings, he shared he got called on the carpet yesterday..... for not attending specific meetings.... when he is already double and triple booked most of the time.  He had delegated to someone else another meeting or two...  and was called on it.  He felt very discouraged... and he said I was able to help him get past that discouragement by reminding him that he doens't work for this company, he works for God.  Yes, he is a religious man.  He is a mormon, so I just share the goodness of Jesus with him.  And he listens.  I was able to share some thoughts with him and he said he appreciated the reminder.  Sometimes life really does get overwhelming and we need to stop and grab hold of Jesus' hand and remind ourselves that He is the One in control.  And yet, He allows us to make our own decisions.

Colossians 3:23-24 (NKJV):  "And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ."

In other words, do everything as if you are working for Jesus.  When you do your job well, you (usually) get paid well, but even more than that, you have the favor of Jesus.  Why do you have His favor?  Because He sees your heart and what you do.  He loves you.  He is always there for you.  Even now, as tired as I am, I know that today as I try to work, He will get me through it.  I have amazing bosses who will allow me to take a nap if I need it.  I'm covered by His hand.  And it is a very good place to be..

I'm going to try and grab a bit more sleep..... and if I can't, a shower and a hot, strong, cup of coffee (or two) will get me through the day.  Hope your day is going well.

Blessings!

Now that was a surprise!

 My little sister sent me a copy of a text from someone whom we both know, but haven't seen in years.  This person attended 'my' church years ago and I took Discipleship under her and even was one of her 'roosters', as we called ourselves.  We haven't been in contact for years other than facebook.  She is a well known speaker now and head of Teach One Lead One.'   I knew she started this year doing a 5 day session called 'Wild Women of God' and had a class last month I think it was.  It was about a July session that my little sister got a personal invitation from her about.  My sister knows her through me, and when this person was in Indiana several years ago for a confernce and stayed overnight with my sister at her home.  I think that is their connection.   Anyway, her last sentence in this text was to also invite me.  Admittedly, it made me feel funny to be included that way.  This person taught me so much about loving Jesus as my personal Savior.  She taught me, through Discipleship, about prayer, about spending a daily quiet time with God first thing every morning (and I still get up early to do that), about tithing, about surrendering everything to Jesus.  And she taught me so much more.  Nearly 40 years ago I took that year long class, and I want to believe that I have continued to grow over the years because of her influence through that class.

I read my sister's email to hubby and his response totally surprised me.  He asked me first about the cost, cause I had looked it up on the website, just curious what the cost would be.  Then he said, "If you can find a way to go, I give you my blessing to attend."  What?  He would let me go?   After a bit of discussion, I have pretty much decided I will not go - at least not this time.  She 'personally invited' (so the email said) my sister to attend, and 'tell xxxx she can attend too'.  Yes, I would love to have someone mentor me and help me grow in my faith.  For the past several years I have been struggling after being verbally attacked about my relationship with Christ.  My confidence was shattered by words spoken and I am now always conscious of my words and actions.  Yes, I allowed another person to beat me up.  And I have struggled since then to get past the damage done to my mind and heart.  I have forgiven... but it isn't as easy to forget the unexpected crushing words.  The devil constantly reminds me of them.

IF my sister could attend, I would perhaps find a way to go.  The cost isn't so out of the question.  There are three prices, and the first one is around $1400, but that also includes 5 days of hotel and all meals and transportation from the airport and back.  I would only have to pay for my airline ticket, and take the days off work.  I know my sister financially cannot attend, and since I was not 'personally invited', and she was, part of me longs to learn, but the other part says I can't go because that would be a slam to my sister who cannot afford to go.  I know - that doesn't make sense, it's just who I am.  I don't want to cause conflict.  Money is the root of all evil.

But there is another conference called the 'Divine Conference' that Free Chapel is doing in September - and since I bought tickets to attend last year, I got them half price.  So I have my ticket.  And it's in Gainsville, Georgia.  I mentioned it to hubby last night as we were talking about the other... and told him that my sister had also bought a ticket to it.  It's a 10 hour drive from Indiana.  He actually suggested if I chose not to go to the other, I go to this one in September with my sister.  In fact, he shocked me by saying I could fly to Indiana and drive out with my sister to attend.  Who is this person?  I appreciate the fact I'm not having to demand I get to go, but instead, he is saying, 'go! with my blessing!'   I don't know though.  Need to process this one.  I really wanted to go when I bought the ticket. I really want to grow and be with other women who want to grow in the Lord.  Praying about this one.

Hubby goes in for his aneurysm surgery on his leg today.  I've got the day off work and although it is 'timecard Monday', was able to get everyone to approve their timecards last Friday and I approved them.  I'll get on the computer this morning to make sure I got everyone approved.  Hubby isn't as anxious as he was the first surgery, but is very concerned that the hospital told him the surgery had been coded wrong and they were working on it, but he will have to sign papers that if the insurance refuses to approve/pay for the surgery, he will be responsible for it.  That would make me concerned too.  I'm trusting God to work it out.  It's easy sometimes to pull the wrong code and this doctor's office, although he is the best in the nation at what he does, doesn't have a real sharp office staff sometimes.  We will be heading over to the hospital in a bit (because of the insurance issue, the hospital moved his surgery back two hours so they can get it fixed).  Hoping and praying that all goes well, and that we will be back home by mid-afternoon.  They don't intend to admit him this time... it just depends on how long the surgery is and he comes out of the anesthesia.  Appreciate your prayers for the doctors and for hubby as the surgery progresses.  His surgery was at 8AM... I think it's at 10AM now, but will need to check with him as now I don't remember.

And for now, I need to check my work computer for the timecards and then get dressed to head out the door.  We will have to leave soon.   

Zephaniah 3:17 (NKJV):  "The Lord your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing."

As you can see, my thoughts are elsewhere this morning, conferencees, surgery...  and it will all work out.  Hopefully I can remember to tell you about what I learned yesterday at church.  It was a really good service.  Until then, 

Blessings!

It's today. Not just Valentine's Day....

 Today is surgery day.  It always seems like it was so far in the future, so far away, but time has passed quickly by at its own pace, and today ist he day for hubby's surgery.  My thoughts have been all over the place last night... full of 'what if' and uncertainty.  Why is that?  Because yesterday, it seemed more than a little more than usual, the reality he is 84 years old and he seemed more confused at times.   Perhaps it is because he is so afraid of the surgery.  We did go to church yesterday and saw some friends there.  Hubby asked one friend to pray for him so she annointed him and prayed over him.  When she asked him specifically what surgery he was to have... well, it could have changed as I haven't been in contact with the doctor... but when I was in the doctor's office last October, it was the aneurysm in the left abdomen and the one behind the left knee today..... and the next surgery will be the aneurysm in the right side of the aneurysm.  He told our friend that it was just the one behind his knee.  I didn't correct him because it could have changed.  I asked him about it later and he admitted he may have gotten confused, but thought the doctor had just said the knee.  I guess I will find out when the doctor comes in to check on him before surgery.  I hope I have the opportunity to ask!  I did take today off work and anticipate being in the hospital all day.  If I recall correctly, the surgery can take 4-6 hours.  Just the sound of that is scary.  I'm taking my crochet and a book to read.  We are to be there around 9AM and surgery isn't until 11AM.  It will be late afternoon before we know anything.  All prayers are appreciated.

As I mentioned above, we did go to church yesterday to the place we wanted to check out.  Bluntly, it was wild and crazy.  Of course we are 'old' so it would seem so to us.  We are used to order.  The band was loud, but we knew most of the songs.  The pastor's wife spoke and if her words were running a race - they won.  She talks reallllly fast.  But it was a good message and I at least brought some of it home with me.  Things like....Don't put labels of the past on people.  Just because they lied yesterday, don't call them a liar today.  Instead encourage them to speak truth.  Just because they were lazy yesterday don't call them lazy today; speak into them to encourage them to do something productive.  They may have been an alcoholic yesterday, but today is a new day and give them the encouragement to be one who chooses carefully what he drinks.  He may be accident prone, or a drama queen, or .... we shouldn't call them what they were before.... but call them who they can be.

Words like....My child is one who keeps their room clean.  My daughter is a great cook.  My wife makes our house a home.  My husband is always attentive to me.  My parents are fun to be around.  My mom makes me feel loved.  My dad is always there for me.  My friend is ..... There are so many positives that we can label people with rather than what they WERE.  I certainly do not want Jesus to call me by what I was.  Today He calls me His beloved, His child.  I would rather be that, than what I was before.

When we meet Jesus, our name changes.  We are loved, rather than unloved.  We are beautiful, rather than ugly.  Jesus changes everything.  When you encounter Jesus.... life changes.  Our perspective, our behavior, our attitudes.  Jesus changes everything.

Think about it.  Wanna change?  Try Jesus.