The making of homemade bread is an art. I obviously have missed the art class. Sigh. I made up my mind yesterday that I was going to get into it again and read and reread the instructions, which still make no sense to me. I separated out about 1/2 cup to make a new 'starter' and put in another bowl. I then started adding water and I found some 'bread yeast' which really was for the bread machine I had years ago (aka probably expired bread yeast as it has been years since I had a bread machine)... anyway, was getting ready to put the flour into the big bowl and pull it all together - only to realize I put all that in the wrong bowl. I dumped it. AND I dumped the starter. I still have two bowls of 'discard' (what a word to use - it makes no sense to me) that I will be dumping today because I don't what else to do with it. Besides, we are cutting back on our bread eating. Got to lose some of this weight. And I love breads - in any form. But especially in homemade bread. I will henceforth bake regular bread like I did years ago, or buy frozen dough and use it, or just buy the completed loaf, which is the most simple of all. I just don't have the time it takes to focus and although that breaks my heart, it's not the first thing that has.
I was able to meet my friend Melonie yesterday for lunch. I had text'd her yesterday a little after 6AM, but she didn't respond. I called her around 10AM, she didn't answer. Concerned, I sent another text. I debated on just driving to her house to check on her. She had given me a key the last time we had met. She finally text'd me around noon. She'd had a tough morning, she said. She was missing her husband, who passed away about 2 years ago just before Thanksgiving. We did get to meet up for lunch and spent some time just catching up - and made plans to meet up on October 18th - two days before her birthday. I need to figure out what to get her. It was good to catch up for me - and for her. She gave me a big hug as we left and said she had really needed us to get together. I gave her a bag of frozen chicken and noodles that I had made the night before. Just enough for her a couple meals.
This morning I get to meet my boss for breakfast. It's always good to see her and spend time with her. I have a couple gifts for her - birthday, which was yesterday, and I am going to go ahead and give her the boss' day gifts I have bought for her. I had sent her a danish from O&H Danish and it arrived Monday, so that is part of her birthday. I have to keep reminding myself as I look into the bag and there isn't much there. At least with getting two bags it looks like she gets something. And it doesn't matter. She doesn't need anything and is happy with anything I give her. I didn't get bread made, I didn't make salsa. She may be disappointed. But - she knows she will get them for Christmas. Looking forward to hanging out with her for a couple hours this morning and catching up.
Yesterday was a very lazy day for work. I didn't do anything I didn't have to do. So when I get back today, I still need to work on minutes from the board meeting, still need to work on a couple other things. But yesterday, my mind was everywhere but on work. With two bosses out, nothing was critical and although I sat at my desk, I really didn't do anything. And I can kick myself for not getting some tasks done while I had the available time. Oh well; I wasted it.
Oh - my package from my sister that was to be here on Monday? As I checked it last night - it was still showing in Mooresville. I checked it this morning and it made it to Indianapolis. I can't get it through my sister's head to hang on to the post office receipt UNTIL the package ARRIVES. She had taken a photo of it and sent to me so that I could track it. But she thinks she threw it away. We can get a refund on the postage since the package hasn't arrived yet and she paid for priority. But she has to have the original. Sigh. And I'll leave that there. The package will probably arrive tomorrow or Friday. It doesn't matter, it's just clothes.
When was the last time you cried tears? I read a story of a certain young man who was seeking a breakthrough in his life in a certain area but had exhausted all he knew to gain spiritual breakthrough. He wrote to General William Booth (founder of the Salvation Army) for advice. The General wrote back two simple words, "Try tears.". William Booth had learned the secret. The inner chamber of prayer gains its impetus from the liquid power of tears. Do you long for a greater reality in your walk with God? Try tears.
Tears are liquid words; words that we don't know how to articulate, and yet need to get out. God sees each and every tear we cry. Especially those we let fall in the pain of the heart. King David had an absolutely sincere secret life with God and was a man of tears. David cried out in Psalm 39:12 - "Hear my prayer, Lord, listen to my cry for help; do not be deaf to my weeping." David had no problem coming before God with his weeping and crying out for help. Tears are sometimes the language of desire; things we want so badly that we will cry tears of anguish to get them.
Tears for healing of a loved one. Tears of sorrow for the loss of someone you loved. Tears for - well, it could be just about anything. Think about it. When was the last time you had the urge (and probably pushed it away) had tears wanting to bubble up and fall and you would push them back down. After all, it's a sign of weakness, right?
No, tears are a sign of strength. Let me repeat that. Tears are a sign of strength. Strength to admit you care. Strength to admit you had a desire. Strength to admit you loved and lost. Never laugh at someone's tears, you don't know what they are going through.
I have mentioned many times over the years (I think) that I frequently just want to curl up in a corner and cry - but am always afraid that if I let myself cry, the tears would not stop. This morning is also one of those times, but I just don't have the time. I actually can not remember the time I last allowed myself to let my tears out. I sometimes laugh and say that's why I watch romantic movies - I can shed tears and no one is the wiser it is just a release of my emotions.
One that got me recently and I almost couldn't stop was when I was watching an episode of The Chosen on Amazon Prime and I don't know how to spell her name - but she was the fiancée of Thomas, the disciple. Quintus, the Roman Centurion was furiously angry at the Jews and he went out in the crowd where they were and as people scattered at his anger, Thomas and his fiancée walked past him and Quintus drew his sword and put it through the fiancée.... and of course she died. It broke my heart and I nearly bawled! Release of tears. Sometimes we all need to let some tears fall to keep them at bay. I cry at a lot of things, and I'm sure you do as well.
The Bible shares for either King David or Jeremiah - it escapes me right now - they wrote that God stores our tears in a bottle. I often imagine my bottle of tears runneth over. How full is your bottle? Is it empty of tears that you refuse to shed? Tears are also a healing balm. Once you release them, healing can begin.
Take a moment and think about the last time you shed tears. Was it joyful tears? Was it tears of sorrow? Those tears often come unbidden. But what about the longings you hold in your heart tears? The pain you feel when you want so much for your children and they spurn your hope for them aside. The longings of bringing joy to someone only to have it tossed aside as if nothing. It's ok to cry. God gave us tears to bring healing to our minds, and to our hearts.
I am a crier. I used to sit in church and cry throughout the songs. I usually was told I embarrassed the family. But I had no control of my tears. I could not stop them. Finally, my tears dried up - at least during the songs. Although occasionally, when I am really into worship, I still have tears that fall. I love Jesus so much and my heart yearns to know Him more. I cry tears in here as I bring my requests to Jesus. Right now there is a lot of heaviness as I'm asking for a lot.
But the good news is, when I pray, and release my request to Him, I can walk away and know that He will take care of everything. I may not get the specific request I made, but regardless of how it turns out, I know that He is in control and He is Lord of all. Can you take a moment and whisper a prayer to Him, and perhaps even let a tear fall, and trust Him to take that pain and sorrow and bring healing? Best thing you could ever do.
I have prayed, "Lord, please break my heart for whatever breaks yours" - and although that prayer was many years ago, I still find myself with tears over things I read or are out of my control. I watch the videos of the aftermath of the Hurricane Helene and my heart hurts for all those who have lost everything. What would be your prayer?
Blessings!
No comments:
Post a Comment