Nope, I haven't. There is something that I want to do, and I think about it often, but I just have not gotten busy with it. I really do want to do it. I feel lazy when I don't do it. And it is right there for me to do. But I don't do it.
I haven't been exercising. Yep. The big E word. I enjoy exercising, I really do. And I really have no excuses why I don't. I haven't been walking Sheeba. I use the excuse I like to extend my quiet times in the morning and not stop at 5:30AM to go walk her. I just peeked out the window. Changes. It is 5:30AM and the night is still upon us. Yep, that is my excuse recently. Hubby doesn't want me walking in the dark. Even with Sheeba. And since I haven't as yet learned my way around all the streets here, I'm not too eager to go out while it's dark either. So it will start to get light at 6AM, I'm thinking. Perhaps today, I will get my butt in gear and take her for a walk. But no guarantee. My heart just isn't in it.
The thought often comes upon me 'why am I the only one walking the dog?' She isn't even MY dog. I was ok without a dog, but when hubby talked about getting another one after Marley passed away, I knew it HAD to be a big dog again so I talked about walking the dog. I can count on one hand - with fingers left over - how many times he has walked her. And that was down to the corner and back. The walking has always been left up to me. As is many other things.
Yesterday I was really irritated, I guess. I know, surprising, huh. I had a long work day and for some reason I was physically and mentally exhausted. Probably from not exercising and not walking Sheeba, I'm sure. I'm in this house nearly 24/7 - only occasionally getting out, and I'm so very tired. Yesterday I shut down around 4:15PM and went into the kitchen to start dinner. Sheeba decided she was hungry too so started nosing around what I was fixing. Hubby told her it was too early - and I told him it really wasn't - if he fed her before 5PM, then perhaps she would eat her morning meal instead of leaving it until mid-afternoon, and then not eat her evening meal.
So of course he started fixing her meal, getting in my way as I tried to fix our dinner. I have to wait for him to get out of my way so that I can get started. It's annoying. I worked all day, and then I still have to figure out what's for dinner. And cook it.
I sit down at the table as he finishes up and he says, "oh, Chuck called me and we're having breakfast in the morning, is that ok?" I just looked at him and said 'I guess'. A little later he started. "When I told you I was having breakfast with Chuck in the morning you gave me a look. What did that mean?" I didn't remember giving him a look. I really don't care he is having breakfast with Chuck in the morning. But he pressed me about 'the look'.
I told him that I didn't give him 'the look' - but I had a question for him. Why am I the one who always has to work - and he is the one who gets to enjoy being with his friends and going out to breakfast with them and spending 2-3 hours just sitting and catching up? You won't believe his answer. "Well, you get to go every Tuesday night to Mary's and get to hang out with the girls! I don't go out that often!" I hadn't said a word about him going out - and I really don't care. I DID comment how I had to work and he got to play and it didn't seem fair.
I was stunned. I just walked away. I occasionally (and not every week) get to spend crochet/knitting time with my daughter and sometimes my granddaughter on a Tuesday night, and he's jealous? That was the night he always had a couple men to come to our house - before COVID - and I was banished to my back room until my daughter, granddaughter and I decided to meet. But since they aren't meeting now, it seems to be a problem for him to be left at home.
I was to start my new workout program last night. I have prepared and planned for it for a couple weeks. I'm all set to do it. But life was sucked out of me - and yes, I allowed it to be - and I didn't do it last night. Perhaps sometime during the day I can take the time to do at least part of it. It's almost 6AM and if I get up and get dressed, then I can take Sheeba for a walk just to get my body moving - and that is just as good if not better, for both of us. Poor Sheeba just doesn't get the exercise she should.
Oh - when I commented something last night about Sheeba being HIS dog - afterall, he was the one who looked for her and made the decision to get her - although lucky me, I got to pay for her - I told him then she was his dog, not mine. Anyway, I commented something about having Sheeba wasn't a wise move because she didn't get exercise like she should. She doesn't even have a fenced yard to run in now. He commented back to me - "well, you wanted a big dog so that you could walk her!" Again, there was no need to respond. Yes, I did say if we had a big dog that I could walk her - but only because he will not allow me out of the house - even during daylight hours - to walk by myself. He's so afraid a boogie man will steal me. Always has been. So yes, I can walk if I have the dog with me.
Maybe I do need to start this morning. First thing I need to do is get dressed. It wouldn't be pretty going walking in my jammies. Sounds like a plan.
I'm up and going! Plus, it gives me time to think, to sing, to pray and tell God all about my issues and problems, and ask Him to take care of them. And quit whining.
Happy Tuesday!
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