More medical stuff

 I signed up a few months ago to do Lifeline Screening.  I did it about 5 years ago and it is a group of doctors and nurses who (for a sum, of course) will do ultrasounds on your abdomen (checking for aneurysms, check your carotid artery to make sure it is clear (or has build up in it), does the testing on the legs for blood flow/circulation, will check cholesterol for you, and it seems like something else.  There are five things, anyway, other than the cholesterol. That's extra.  Anyway, I've done it before and I'm pulling it all from memory.  Decided it has been about 5 years so am doing it again. And it is this morning.  Luckily, it is at the church just down the street so all I have to do is do a U-turn and head up that way.  Hopefully, with a 9am appointment, I can get in and get out within the hour.  I missed completing the registration deadline for completing the paperwork so will need to do that this morning - so I will go a bit early so that I can. My appointment is at 9a.  I don't 'need' this information, but can pass it on to Dr. Mark and he will have it.  My oldest brother got me doing this the first time..... he had done it and that was when he found out he had something with his heart.  So, yeah, since heart disease runs in my family (albeit the male side thus far), I still get checked out.  It doesn't hurt, right?

I slept pretty well last night - except that I must have drank a whole lot of water (which I didn't realize I did) too late cause I was up 3-4 times during the night!  But, it could be something else that has caused it too.  I got my copper bottle yesterday.  It's from the House of Auyuera or something like that.  It's supposed to be 'real' copper and with drinking from it first thing each morning, and throughout the day, is supposed to help with inflammation (thinking about my legs burning), and other things.  So I drank a bottle filled with water yesterday after I got it. 

Sigh. Of course hubby brought the box in to me and had to see what I had received.  When I pulled out the bottle, he asked why I got it. I told him (off the top of my head) that it was to help with energy. He stood there for a few seconds and then said, "and you think that I don't need energy?"  I just looked at him and did not comment.  He walked away.  I know he was expecting me to get him one as well, or hand over that bottle.  I did not.  I didn't say anything else.  He seems to 'need' everything that I get for me.  I read a book, most times he will have to read it too.  I get myself a treat; he has to have one too. It's like he is afraid he will be left out.  Well, I didn't buy him a copper bottle.  Maybe I'll make it an anniversary 'gift' and give him this copper bottle (although I am currently using it), because I also purchased a carafe, which I can use.  Actually, that was my original intent, but he pushed my buttons and gave the 'entitled' signals that turned me off.  Or turned my irritation on. Whichever. Whatever.  In the meantime, until I make that decision, I will continue to use the bottle. Am I being ridiculous?  Perhaps.  Jealousy is an ugly thing.

Just realized I forgot to plug my phone in last night!  I WAS tired!  I left it on the couch so had to run out and get it and plug it in.  It will be charged up by the time I need to leave.  Need to take a quick shower; they say no lotions on the body, and I do put lotions on.   I did HIIT at the gym last night and went through 3 sets of 5 exercises.  Could have gotten a 4th in, but Morgan and I kept talking in between sets.  Had to update her on some things.

I read something in one of my devotionals this morning that was really interesting.  I know I sometimes compare myself to other people.  And I feel guilty for not being thankful for what I do have.  I have more than enough, and God has been so good to me.  But sometimes, when I see someone who is pretty, or someone who dresses nicely, or someone who has the flat belly.... I admit, I get wistful and wish it might be me.... and yet, God made me in His image, and that is enough.

Psalm 139:14  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

God made me (and you) in His image, and that is something we tend to forget daily.  Lord, help us to remember to celebrate and live in who You made us to be, and not what we wish we were.  We are perfectly made.  I may not cook the perfect meals, behave the perfect way, say the perfect words at the right time, dress the perfect way, my hair in the perfect style...... but I am made in the image of God, and He loves me 'just as I am'.  Fluffy, and disheveled.  He loves me.

And God loves you too.  You may not feel Him in whatever you are feeling at this moment, but He is with you, He is for you, He is your biggest cheerleader and is your right guard.  

It's hard to imagine a love like that, isn't it?  At my lowest point(s), I can remember who I am, because of who He is.  And so can you.  You are loved so much, even when you don't feel loved.  And so am I.  I think that is why I like Lauren Daigle's song 'You Say' so much.  Here's the first verse and chorus. 

That's only part of the song, Amazon music has it when you bring it up in google, lyrics for Lauren Daigle's You Say.

I think that is why this song resonates so much with me and many others.  We fight ourselves when we say we are not enough, but God says.....  and what He says matters so much more.  When we are weak, He is strong on our behalf.  He will never leave us, even when we reject Him, He still is near.  When we surrender to Him, He is closer than a brother.  

And, with that, I need to jump in the shower and get ready for a new day. Yes, I'm working too.  Will head to the church for the Lifeline Screening about 8:30-ish.  But, in the meantime.... 

Have an amazing day and believe that you are who He says you are!

Blessings!

Another song popped in....

 Bethel Music has a song out called 'Goodness of God' and that song was running through my head this morning.... 'All my life You have been faithful; All my life You have been good, so good! With every breath that I am able, I will sing of the goodness of God!'   For some reason, I also was thinking of Brandon Lakes' Gratitude song.  'So I throw up my hands, and praise You again and again...cause all I have is a Hallelujah, Hallelujah.... I know it's not much, But I've nothing else fit for a King, except for a heart singing Hallelujah, Hallelujah...'   If you haven't heard either of those songs, I'd suggest you google them and listen.  Such great songs!

Ok - now these songs are both running through my head - still!  How can we not praise God and sing Hallelujah to Him because of who He is?  I hope I never lose my desire to praise Him.

Today is Monday and I'm back to work after working only two days this past ten days.  Is this what retirement would be like?  Well, not what I'd want retirement to be, but it was nice to 'take a break' and not have anything on the agenda. Yep, another day of doing nothing.  We watched church on You Tube at 10:30a instead of physically going.  Hubby and I had different thoughts on it; the message that is.  (my legs were getting better, but still felt weird, from the intense pain earlier in the night).  

The message was on 'Lukewarm'.  You know where I'm going with this, right?  It was on Revelation 3:14-17 where Jesus was telling the church of Laodicea that it was 'lukewarm' and He was ready to spit them out of His mouth!  Pastor John talked about coffee, how some people like it hot, some like it iced, but does anyone like their coffee 'lukewarm'?  I usually end up drinking my coffee lukewarm - and even cold because I don't drink it that fast.  Except the iced coffee.  It's too good to NOT drink right away.  Anyway, Pastor John explained where Laodicea was and what cities were on either side of it, giving a few Greek words, as he always does, and their meanings.  A very good message that has really touched some spots in me.  I know in some places I have become lukewarm.  You probably have as well.  I don't get out and serve like Jesus did.  I don't do a lot of things that I should be doing.  I suspect the most I do is share words in here that may sometimes come to life for you.  

Well, yes, I preach to the RV parks during November - March, but what do I do the rest of the time?  As much as I long to do things at churches, I often feel held back.  Where we are now, they don't really know me yet, and that's ok.  I don't want to promote myself, and feel that in God's timing, He will do the promoting.  In fact, I think I have mentioned that a friend told the prayer coordinator at church that I needed to be on the prayer team - and she had never heard me pray, but someone I had prayed for had told her about it.  Not that I pray well, in my opinion, and that has to go with I am so afraid of becoming proud.  Long story and I have probably shared it before so won't go into it now.  If I'm asked to pray, I do, but I don't push to be the 'one' praying. If you know what I mean.  I've shared how I want to go deeper in my prayer life.  And to do that, I need to apply myself.  So it's all on me if I don't.  I love to talk to Jesus, and do often throughout the day, but I don't always share with someone I am praying for them, or specifically what I am praying for.  There are some people from church I have been asked to pray for, and I do get all the texts on the current prayer requests.  I admit, it is hard to pray for someone I don't know, and especially when I don't know the particulars.  All I can do is bring their name before Jesus and ask Him to intervene in their sickness, in their particular requests.  I was told that 'we' would be 'trained' to pray for others at the altar after our service in October, when the prayer coordinator and her husband get back from their 3 months in Colorado to escape our heat.  That should be interesting, you think?  This woman has met me twice; has never heard either of us pray.  Anyway, I think it is interesting.

But back to the lukewarm message.... I feel at times I am a 'lukewarm' Christian.  Just being honest, and that feeling comes because I am not teaching, not leading, not involved in things going on at church. Does that make sense?  We are not called to be LUKEWARM, but to be on fire for Jesus!  How can I change this?  Hubby often reminds me (and others) of his two bible studies with the men.  He tells me often what he feels God is leading him to do - and I support that!  It's a good thing. But in my mind, talking about it, and doing it, are two different things.  Just because you do it 'occasionally' doesn't mean you are in your calling.  Does that make sense?  I'm not dissing him.  I'm not criticizing him. I support him in what he feels God is calling him to do.  I just don't understand his thinking about it.  And I do leave him alone about it.  

Pastor John also talked about getting an accountability partner.  That has been a place I haven't been able to get to.  I know hubby always talks about his accountability partner, and I'm happy for him.  But I have never had someone to speak truth to me, that I could share my innermost thoughts with and receive feedback.  Lord only knows what things I could have been told over the years!  Seriously!  I've been a mess at times, as you know. So very well know.  I'm still not where I want to be.  I struggle with feeling I am 'held back' and not involved.  I don't have time to go into all that today.  But there is so much I have longed to do for Jesus, to share about Him, and the opportunities, other than preaching at the RV parks, has never come about. So then I begin to doubt myself.... and wonder what God has - or has not - called me to.  I have purchased John Bevere's book 'Called', but I haven't started on it yet.  Am I afraid to?  Perhaps.

Anyway- moving on.... just sharing my thoughts for the moment.... and running out of time, as usual.  

My oven controls should be reinstalled today.  Hubby confirmed last week - and they said between 8-12 today.  It was 8-6p.  Will see.  Hubby has training this morning; I have training this afternoon.  And of course now it is too hot to bake.  But I bet I find something to bake by the weekend!  I've learned to use my air fryer or electric skillet a lot these past two months.  Oh, and the microwave even more.  We definitely have not lost any weight by NOT having the oven or stove!  Just a minor inconvenience, for sure.

The Lord gives us beauty for ashes.  He brings joy to the brokenhearted.  Trust Him, lean into Jesus, no matter what you are going through, good or bad.  He is always with you. He is always for you. 

Amen and Amen.

Blessings!

Sunday morning thoughts....

 My right leg bone woke me up about my usual 'get up time.  I still didn't want to get up, but I was definitely awake.  For some reason, I'm thinking of my older sister, Jackie, this morning, and the rheumatoid arthritis she had through out her body and how she would complain about the pain in her legs especially.... I still say it was the bug bites/scorpion bites, or whatever it was that had a meal on the inside of my left a few years back.  I never had any pain in hip nor legs until I got bit.  The dermatologist wouldn't listen to me, the urgent care doctor wouldn't listen to me, and I couldn't get in to see the PCP I had a that time.  So... here I am, occasionally being awakened by severe hip and leg bone pains infrequently.  I will discuss with Dr. Mark when I have my physical in September or October; whenever it gets scheduled. I will insist he send me to a specialist - either testing for RA or ... well, we will wait it out and see.  It's never any fun to be awakened in sharp and severe pain.  My legs are still 'on fire', but not painful, if you know what I mean.  I'm debating on if I want to dress up to go to church this morning, or watch on TV at 10:30a.  Yeah, it's that distracting at this moment, anyway.

Yesterday was a very quiet day for us.  We didn't leave the house.  I made eggs ole for breakfast (without cottage cheese cause we were out again.  Still real good.)  Since it was about 10-10:30a then, we moved right on past lunch.  About 4p I fried (yes, I used my electric skillet) up some pork chops, steamed some red potatoes, opened a can of green beans and heated them up with onions, and sliced a tomato.  That was dinner.  Wasn't fancy, but still good.  Left over eggs ole today, I'm thinking.  At least for breakfast.  

Anyway, off the topic of food and back to the day yesterday..... TV stayed off until about 4p (hallelujah!).  It was quiet.  We read some; I took a short nap.  I worked on some diamond art coasters I had gotten a couple years ago for Christmas. One down, three to go.  Hubby turned on the TV and started watching the 250 celebration and the news... when I was finished with the diamond art, he offered to find a movie. I said no, that was fine (I wasn't watching it anyway).  So he asked if he could switch to the Diamondbacks game; again, I wasn't watching so I didn't care.  He watched the game; I scrolled facebook (I know better; I lose all track of time!!) and then when the game was over, I read some in my Bible before we headed off to bed.  That was our exciting July 4th!  A granddaughter was sending me photos of their little ones, so that made my day complete.

Today is church, if we end up going.  Nothing is planned but hubby will probably have the TV on for something... and of course around 4p NCIS starts their reruns on ION.  I heard Gibbs is coming back for Season 24.  He certainly made the show.  Sad that Director Vance got killed... heard that McGee made Director.  I don't know... don't really follow it, but love the show.  It does keep my interest.  I really need to do some visiting... but sometimes I just don't wanna, ya know?

I do want to do a quick trip to Michael's (since Hobby Lobby isn't open on Sundays) as I need to pick up an embroidery hoop.  I found some Christmas material that I used to make my Christmas quilts out of... kind of makes me want to take a break from crochet and get back to my sewing.  I do have one crib size already put together and ready to stitch... I gave away my hoops as I wasn't using them and didn't know that I would.  I need to check one more place; if I don't have, that is something I need. :-)  Of course I need it.  Right?  But, it still isn't a requirement.... or a real necessity.  I think I have two-three rows yet to do on this one baby blanket I'm working on.  Crochet, that is.  Maybe I will finish it today. But then what?  I have to keep busy!  

My devotionals both spoke to me today.  Sometimes it is other people's thoughts that break through my thinking and cause me to look at things differently.  Well, more differently than I was, I guess.  Isn't my way the best?  I guess it isn't always.  I'm not as smart as I think I am, I'm reckoning.

One devotional was talking about envy.  Now, I don't think I envy anyone.  But I am sure that I compare myself, or what we have, to others at times. You know you do it too.  I don't think I struggle in this area, but I know I get wistful when I go to someone's house and it is decorated so nicely and has minimal 'stuff' all around... and I begin to wish I could get rid of things.... you know I do that - I share so many times I need to 'declutter'!  The author began to say to herself that "I am not equipped to handle what they have, both good and bad."  Sometimes we don't know how good we have it, right?  This author was saying she was envious of another girl's legs.  This was at a Children's Theater in her hometown and both were budding child actors cast in a Christmas play..  The author is 'chunky'; the other girl had long, lean legs and could do all the moves easily.  She was so envious of those legs.  She kept comparing herself to this girl.  Then one day, this girl had left leg pain that turned into a doctor's appointment, that turned into a battery of tests that turned into a hospital stay that turned into a cancer diagnosis that turned into surgery to remove a tumor that turned into amputation, that turned into a complete life change.   In a moment's time, a life was turned around completely.  "I am not equipped to handle what they have, both good and bad." 

The other book I'm reading shared about their love for food, and wanting to break that addiction to food. Now you know how much I love food.  I love making food. I love eating food. I.Love.Food.  Is it an addiction?  Maybe. Maybe not.  Am I addicted to chocolate?  I LIKE chocolate, but as much as I act like it could be an addiction, I think I could say no, it isn't.  Now cookies.  That is a hard one.  Hubby was hungry after dinner still so got a peach of out of the refrigerator.  So what did I do?  I knew there were a few Trefoils left in the freezer.  The very last of the girl scout cookies.  And I got them and I ate all five of them!  Yes!  I did.  And I enjoyed every bite. There were five bites, cause they are small enough I can fit the entire cookie in my mouth at one time and devour them.  I think it is the carbs that draw me to cookies.  Sigh.  But you see what I mean?  Actually, it is any kind of food, not even only junk food.  Except lettuce.  I won't go to the refrigerator and get a piece of lettuce to munch on. Although that would be much better for me, would it not?  Cookies... or lettuce.  Which would you choose?  Sigh. I think my addiction IS food.  I love to cook it, and I love to eat it.  Even when I determine I won't eat certain foods, and even when I think I can do without food for a certain time... without even thinking about it, I can devour something. Whether in the kitchen alone, or sneaking it into the bathroom so that I can enjoy it without sharing it or being watched.   Am I really so bad?

So how do we break these addictions?  Or let me rephrase.... what was suggested to break any addiction?  Memorize scriptures that pertain to what your addiction is.  For me it is food. And I should have memorized these years ago... but although I knew the scriptures, I did not. And I probably won't now, because I am in denial that I have a food addiction.  I just love food.  Is that so bad?  What triggers do I have that cause me to do things I shouldn't do? That I know better than do? That I 'just do it' without even thinking about it?

"Don't you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body."

"You say, "I am allowed to do anything" - but not everything is good for you. And even though "I am allowed to do anything, I must not become a slave to anything."

"They are headed for destruction. Their god is their appetite, they brag about shameful things, and they think only about this life here on earth. But we are citizens of heaven, where the Lord Jesus Christ lives. And we are eagerly waiting for Him to return as our Savior."

I need to change my mindset to 'I can't, but God can, so I give this area of my life to His will.'

So is there something you need to let go of?  We always hear the 'Let go and Let God' saying.  It's easy for some people, but for others it isn't that easy.  I think in changing my mindset to 'I can't, but God can, so I give this area of my life to His will' is a better thought, don't you?

Oh great. Just noticed I chipped my thumbnail. Now how did I do that?  I've been sitting here in my chair for the past three hours - and it wasn't chipped before I started typing!  See how distracting things come to me?  I don't have to even look for them, they just pop up in front of me!

So with that - I'm going to wish you a blessed Sunday, have a wonderful, amazing day in the Lord. Pray blessings over others, you don't know what they are going through. Be grateful for what God has given you, both good and bad, for He has equipped you for such a task.  He will strengthen you; He will encourage you; He will walk with you through that journey. Trust Him.

Blessed Assurance, Jesus is mine!  That song just popped into my mind....

1. Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!
   Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine!
   Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
   Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.
   • Refrain:
     This is my story, this is my song,
     Praising my Savior all the day long;
     This is my story, this is my song,
     Praising my Savior all the day long.
2. Perfect submission, perfect delight,
   Visions of rapture now burst on my sight;
   Angels, descending, bring from above
   Echoes of mercy, whispers of love.
3. Perfect submission, all is at rest,
   I in my Savior am happy and blest,
   Watching and waiting, looking above,
   Filled with His goodness, lost in His love.

May you find your day full of His blessed assurance....

Blessings!

1. 
   

Have you ever wondered....

 how your life could have been different?  I have. In more ways than one.  I'm feeling somewhat 'off' this morning.... so much I have dreamed about, so much I have lost.  Not going into details for it isn't any one thing.... but just thinking about where I am is causing me to pause, and wish things were different. And I think I'll leave that there.  Sometimes I feel like I'm fighting to live.  Ever have those moments?

I got my hair colored yesterday as the white was coming through.  I never really like it right after it is done; too dark.  So it will be a few weeks before it's in the 'I'm ok with it'.  I will say I wish I had never given into having it colored, or I wish I had gone blond instead of dark brown.  It's too dark for me, I think. Didn't have it 'cut', but only the ends trimmed.  I'm thinking of letting it go long again.  But I miss my gray/white hair, even though it made me look old, I loved it.  I loved the length. Can I ever find myself again?  Last night I took a shower and scrubbed my hair, hoping that would lighten it some; it did not. Oh well, I need to be patient.  

After my shower I thought I'd do a bit of pampering myself.  I had a face mask and foot 'sockies' - which make the feet smooth.  I even had a men's foot 'sockie' and I handed it to hubby, thinking (since he always has to do what I'm doing), he might do it as well.  He always gets frustrated when I do things without him, so this was a way to include him, right?  Talk about a shut down.  He looked at it, saw it said 'put on clean feet' and commented that he had worn shoes/socks all day so his feet weren't clean so he would wait until after he showered. I just stayed quiet. You have to leave it on for maybe an hour, I don't remember as I don't think I really read the men's packet.  I left mine on for an hour or more, and my face mask as well.  My feet were so soft and smooth - all that walking barefoot and rough patches on my heels was gone.  Anyway, I'm just rambling.  I'm done with trying to 'include' him.  He always wants us to get pedicures together and manicures, but here I gave him an opportunity .. well, I'm just going to hush. Disappointed? Yeah, I was. At least he can't say I didn't include him, right? Not saying anymore about it.

Happy July 4th!  The day is finally here and we have nothing planned.  Hubby had me confused there for a bit - when he brought my coffee he asked what time we needed to leave.  I told him 8:30a.  I just realized that he is thinking we have something at church this morning - but it is next week, not today.  We have nothing on the calendar for today.  Guess I should get up and tell him so that he doesn't start getting ready to go somewhere we aren't going.  Ok, that's done. He had written growth track on his calendar for today. I informed him we weren't going anywhere today.  Although I may need to go to the grocery to get some zesty packets to try making my son's pickles.  

Needless to say, I'm thrilled to have extended time in here.  No rushing about to get ready for work; no plans to go anywhere.  I can sit here and have my own party with a 2nd cup of coffee if I want to.

I have several different bibles, and different versions.  Lately, I have been wanting to get back into reading my NKJV of the Jentezen Franklin Legacy bible.  I've read it all the way through before, but then moved on to another one.  But last night, I picked it up and started reading again.  I really enjoy reading the pages where he has put part of his sermons.  In fact, I looked up a couple of them specifically because I needed to hear what he was saying.  Sometimes we need someone  to 'preach' to us and help us understand life and who we are in Christ.  We haven't watched JT on TV since we found Reclaim.  It might not hurt us to watch him once in a while. I love how he preaches the Bible and tells the truth.  And that's why I love Reclaim church.  Last week Pastor John spoke on Job; I may have mentioned it earlier this week.  We don't have an answer as to the 'Why' things happen... it's a good listen if you want... it's on You Tube, of course.  Reclaim Church Peoria.

I need a second cup of coffee this morning.  Hold on.  Ok, got it. Bought some flavored coffee a couple weeks ago - it's a little weak, but not bad.  I have gotten to where I add a little liquid 'original coffee' from Javvy to it to make it a bit stronger.  My first cup today was Vanilla cake; not bad. Got Glazed Donut now... interesting taste, and I've made it more interesting by adding my liquid coffee to make it stronger.  See how out of things to write about I am?  Now I'm writing about my coffee!  

Have you ever had a pain in your heart that hurts so badly and yet there is nothing you can do about it?  No, nothing is wrong with the heart; it's just the things we carry around with us.  Things going on around us.  Things that grieve us.  It's in these times that we can only run to the cross.  To Jesus.  I was down on my knees this morning, asking God what is wrong with me.  I guess this is part confession.... I feel I 'used to' be able to sit for hours in prayer with Him, just chatting. I'd wake in the middle of the night and get up and just sit with Him, talking to Him, listening for His voice.  Now if I wake up, I struggle to go back to sleep.  I used to fast fairly frequently.  Not bragging at all.  My fasting was always for a purpose and I would fast and pray throughout the entire time.  Now I 'think' about fasting and then go get something to eat. It's like my prison walls have shut in and sucked my life out of me. Too brutally honest?  Oh, I still pray, every day, but I find myself distracted at times. 

The women's group I'm in (and don't attend) - a couple are posting pictures in a chat and they all look so happy.  In their red/white/blue, they are smiling.  And I'll leave that there.  Have you ever felt like life has sucked life out of you?

See how easily I get distracted?  LOL Oh, I'm ok, just in a pit I think.  Hmmm.  Psalm 40?

Psalm 40:1-3 (ESV):  I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the Lord.

Psalm 18:6 (ESV):  In my distress I called upon the Lord; to my God I cried for help. From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry to him reached his ears.

Does that not bring us hope in the One we trust?  Life may not happen the way I want it to.  Life changes me because of my own doings.  I have put myself in this place, and as I press into Jesus, I know He will pull me out and set me free.  O how I love Him!   And I know that He loves me.  I'm so glad I built this 'habit' of meeting with Jesus every single morning, before I do anything. Even though sometimes I feel I'm out of sorts (sorta like this morning), I know He never changes.  He is always waiting on me to sit and talk with Him.  Even when I cut Him short, as I do some mornings when I feel like I just 'need' to get other things done.... He waits for me to return.  How could I not want to sit with Jesus when He is so willing to sit and wait for me?  He hears my heart before it even speaks.  He knows my day before it even arrives. He knows my sorrow before I cry out to Him. He knows me, better than anyone else.  (and just think how much YOU know me just by reading in here! I share way too much) Jesus knows me.  And He knows you.  Is He still waiting for you to sit and share your day with Him?

Have a wonderful 4th of July!

Blessings!

Yeah, this happened..... really.....

 Hubby was rushing about yesterday morning, getting ready to head to the gym and his training.  He left, and shortly afterwards the doorbell rings.  I go to answer it and a man is standing there, asking if hubby lived here. I said yes.  He hands me hubby's wallet.  He said money and cards were all over the road, and he thinks he got everything.  Wow.  Figured hubby must have put it on top of his car and drove off - a block later, it hit the pavement.

Within a few minutes of that, an alarm goes off on my phone.  I open to see what it is and it tells me "Life360 detected sudden motion on T's phone.  This could be the result of a collision, hard braking, or a dropped phone. We suggest that you call T to check on them (gave telephone number).  When we hear from them, we'll let you know.  View T's current location: (and gave link)."

Wow - me, thinking collision, I'm calling his phone and not getting an answer.  I decided to drive to where the location is as it is telling me he hasn't moved in 5 minutes.  I text Morgan and tell her he may not show up if in a collision.  Thinking a collision, and that I have his wallet, which includes his driver's license and his insurance card, I head that way.  No collision anywhere in that area.  Morgan calls me that T just walked in and is fine.  He thought he left his phone and wallet at home.  I explained I had the wallet but he didn't leave his phone.... after hanging up, the more I thought of it, I pieced it together.  He had put both the phone and the wallet on the top of the car and drove off.  The wallet fell off a block away from home.  The phone did not slide off until he was nearly to the ramp off the interstate.  

I turned around and headed back towards the gym, and I'm praying that I can find the phone.  Sure enough, there is a speck of blue on the pull off lane.  I put my hazard lights on and pulled over and walked back - and it was the phone.  No breakage.  But all his cards are missing.  I start looking around and find all but his bank cards.  I come back home and he got here about five minutes later, totally shaken at what happened. It's a common accident.  Morgan just told me yesterday she put her cup on the roof her car and drove off yesterday.  We all do stupid things, so I'm not angry with him, but I was pretty shaken when I got the notification from Life360.   Hubby went down to the bank and cancelled the cards and ordered new ones.  He thinks that is all that I couldn't find.  His wallet seemed to have everything as well.  We are really lucky.  God answered my prayer that the phone would easily be found (and it was) and it wasn't broken.  

I answered Life360's question on his phone 'are you in an emergency?' or 'are you ok?'.  I responded he was ok, dropped phone.  MY phone alarm goes off and when I looked at it, I had a note from Life 360 that said 'T is ok'.  First time that has ever happened and I am happy we are both on Life 360 because if there had been an accident, it gave me the location (which is why I was able to find the phone location) where it was.  Hubby has been pretty shaken up about it.  So if you are not using Life360, you should!  They contact your emergency contact if something happens.

I typed all that yesterday so that I wouldn't forget details.  It was a day, for sure!  Hubby said he had his hands full going out to the car that morning - the cane, his water, the wallet and phone.  He laid the wallet and phone on top to put the other in the car - and stopped to do something, and forgot they were there. I can't mark that up to 'forgetfulness', for I am sure I do the same at times.  Not necessarily on top of my car, but laying things down and forgetting where I put them.  Sigh. Like the instructions for my grill.  I'm still looking for where I put those.

Anyway, today is Friday and I am off work. YAY!  We get today off because tomorrow is the 4th. Which means I only worked two days this week.  Too bad it isn't that way every week!  Oh well. Suck it up, buttercup!  Right?   Not letting myself go down that trail and getting discouraged and frustrated again. At least, not right now.

I pretty much have the morning to myself as hubby has gone to his Bible study.  And he hopes to visit Chuck afterwards.  He hasn't heard he got discharged from the hospital yet, so will call to make sure he is home.  I hope he's home; gives me more time to myself.  At least his Thursday nights with Steve will be going back to Tuesday nights. I had 'recommended' it a few times (he had changed the days due to the men's bible study at church that was only 6 weeks).  Starting next week they will be going back to Tuesday nights. It gives me a nice break at the first of the week, right?  This morning I have a few things that I want to get done, let's see if I actually DO them.  I may just curl up with a good book.  Oh, I can't. I still have veggies I need to figure out what to do with. :-)  I 'canned' a bag of the sweet peppers last night, and some grapefruit.  I definitely won't be getting veggies for awhile; I have way too much for us, and I've given some away!  Can we freeze sweet peppers?  I don't know!  Maybe I ought to check.

Ah - I DID check and yes you can!  Freeze whole by removing the core and seeds, wrap each in plastic wrap and put in a bag and freeze.  It says these are good for the - dang, forget what it is called - where you put the ground beef in it.  Anyway, you can slice and put on a cookie sheet and freeze, and then put in bags as well. Which is what I will probably do - these are for fajitas and stir frys.  Guess what I will be doing this morning.  Don't want to 'lose' any by my laziness to put away!

I need a second cup of coffee this morning.  Yesterday I ended up drinking TWO additional cups of protein Iced Coffee that I bought from Sam's Club.  It's pretty good.  The problem with Iced Coffee - for me, is that I drink it really quick - after all, it is chilled, and if I'm thirsty.... just saying.  Hot coffee I tend to take my time more.  I need to work on the water as well.  I've gone from about 80 oz to about 40 the past two days.  Too distracted with other things.

Which reminds me - I did pick up my two frames of diamond art yesterday.  I pulled out another to start on, then decided to find another one.  I enjoy working on these, and I have several I got for Christmas last year, plus a few I bought.  Most are Christmas scenes.  Obviously, I will get these done eventually so that I can hang them all up at Christmas time. Not that anyone cares.  I love Christmas and making the house look very festive.  Thank goodness it is still six months away!

Romans 8:28 (NKJV):  And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

That doesn't mean what it sounds like it means.  That those who love God, that everything works out.  Let me write out the notes at the bottom from The Spirit-Filled Bible.....

8:28  Even in hardship and suffering, even in bitter disappointments, even when wrongly treated, Christians can know that God will work amidst such situations to fulfill His good purpose in His children. The situation may or may not be directly changed by God, but even if situations stay difficult God guarantees ultimate good results, including maturation of character to those who are called.(Note: The certainties of this verse must be kept in union with the responsible participation into which we enter with with the Holy Spirit, described in verses 26 and 27.)

Most of us want the situation changed.  But God sometimes wants to work on our character first.  I feel that is the part that most of us don't see.  If God isn't giving me what I ask for (and I ask for a lot, trust me!), and so many times it feels like He isn't even listening.... perhaps He just wants me to work on who I am in Him, and lean into Him.  Sort of like 'no Plan B' chapter in Bob Sorge's book.

Do we depend on God to answer us.... or do we have a Plan B when He doesn't in our timeframe?  I think I need to work on that.  How dependent am I on God that I will wait - for however long it takes - on Him to act?  His ways are not our ways.  His thoughts are not our thoughts. And I need to quit being so impatient, I guess.  One day at a time, they say.  And in one day, I can trust Him more for what it is that I am waiting for.

He did answer my prayers yesterday to find the phone, to find nearly all the cards.  The phone wasn't broke, even after falling off the top of the car and sliding along the highway.  Yes, I prayed it wouldn't be.  I prayed I'd find it.  And He took me right to it.  Thank you, Jesus!

What are you praying for?  Perhaps we need to work on other areas before our answer comes.  Don't stop praying, but start preparing for 'rain'.

Remember the story where a church was praying for rain in a sun-drenched area?  The church called a prayer meeting, and everyone showed up.... but one farmer showed up in wading boots, raincoat and umbrella.  He expected God's answer.  The others didn't.  Are you preparing for Rain?

Have an amazing day!

Blessings!

Did I really win?

 Hubby came in after I wrote my blog yesterday and promised that today he would use the walking stick, and tomorrow he would put the cane together and use it.  Like it would take more than 30 seconds to snap it together.  He drives me crazy.  So after our doctor appointments (more on that below), we came home and he did, in fact, snap the cane together.  He did carry (yes, I said carry, and I called him out on it) his walking stick to the doctor's office.  He said he prayed about it yesterday morning and felt he needed to do as I asked. (Really?)  We discussed him using the cane, and I told him if he is walking a short distance, of course he doesn't need to use the cane, but even when he goes to breakfast on Friday mornings, from the parking lot to the restaurant, yes, he should have the cane in his hand for he doesn't know if he will stumble (like Chuck did!) and fall.  He agreed.  But then, I won't be there to see.....  I think that once he starts using it, he will forget his 'embarrassment' of needing the cane and it will be automatic.  It's just something new and he doesn't want to admit he is 89 years old and that means getting old.  I get it. I just hope my pride doesn't get in my way when my time comes.

Our doctor visits.  As mentioned, mine was just to check my thyroid levels.  I already knew my TSH and T4 were in the red.  I wasn't really prepared for Dr. Mark's comment of "I don't have an answer as to why your numbers are up.  On March 30th, they were normal."  So I confessed.  I have been taking a drug that is unapproved by the FDA or whomever, and another drug.... one to help with clarity of mind, and the other with weight loss.   He hadn't heard of either one.  OOPS.  I shared what I knew about them. Yes, I have researched both and was able to share.  He offered to refer me to an endocrinologist but I declined. I stated then that I would stop both drugs immediately.  It isn't that important for me to take them. He said it was my choice, but if I wanted to do a GLP, he would refer me to an endocrinologist to get as he doesn't make that call.  I declined.  So - for me, I have a script to get a new TSH and T4, plus my lipids, taken in 8 weeks and then come back to him.  He wants to see if they are back to normal. If they are, we will schedule my physical.  If not, he will have to refer me to someone for he says the GLP may raise the T4, but the TSH should go down - both of mine are high.  And, it is either a pituitary gland tumor  (as that is the only thing he thought would raise both out of range) or the drug I was taking. I'm leaning towards the drug.  So - in eight weeks I will go get more blood work done and things will be back to normal.  He didn't get after me as I expected.  It was my choice to do it , and my choice to stop.  Lesson learned I guess.

For hubby's doctor visit - it was his physical.  As they do his blood work there (my insurance won't pay for labcorp, only SQL, so I go to SQL for my bloodwork)  we don't know what his numbers are.  But, he did 'confess' he also was doing the same thing I was.  (of course he was, can I do anything without him doing it as well?)  Dr. Mark didn't get upset with him, but told him he was NOT to take anything like that - EVER.  He is on a lot more drugs than I am and the interactions with his drugs could be drastic. Will see what his blood work says - we go back July 15th for those results.  The cane was discussed and I told Dr. Mark that he does fall and he refuses to use a cane.  LOL Dr. Mark told him to get a walker if he didn't want to fall. Cracked me up. Of course hubby got bent out of shape with that and has agreed to use the cane.  He also shared he has the 'help me I've fallen' button, but only carries it when I'm not home.  I still need to get another key made and put outside and let my boys know where it is in case he just falls and isn't hurt, but can't get up.  If he's hurt, he needs 911 and they have a key to unlock the key by the door.   Overall, we will know more about his health when we go back in two weeks, but blood pressure (128/62) was good and heart and blood flow are showed good. 

So there you have it. We will both be living a while yet. :-)  Yes, that is a good thing.  I just wish they had something for his brain, if you know what I mean. Sigh.

Oh - one thing that Dr. Mark DID say....  as he was going through hubby's prescriptions... it's funny, really... he had a bottle of Beetroot (yes, I bought it and gave to him) and asked him why he was taking it.  So I gave the information, the cholesterol pills remove the cholesterol, but I had read there is still a film inside the arteries (he looked at me like I was nuts) and beets supposedly clear that up.  His question?  So why not just eat more beets?  Well, duh. I don't know!  Anyway - Dr. Mark said that if we have to buy supplements to meet our dietary requirements, then why are we not eating better?  It's better to change the diet than take supplements that generally do not have what they say they have in them. He shared there is a group that go randomly and buy prescription drugs or supplements and then test them to see if they have in them what they say they do - and most of the time they do not. So, guess I will buy more beets!  Good thing we both like them!  In fact, we stopped at Wildflower for lunch on the way home and both of us got the Citrus Beet salad - (it was so good!!) with chicken.  I guess I need to start fixing more healthy foods.  

With all these sweet peppers I still have (I took 3 bags to the doctor's office; they were glad to get them), we need to eat more of them, even as snacks.  I ate two tomatoes for dinner last night; I still wasn't hungry from eating that salad, of which I still couldn't eat all of it.  I need to start cutting up. I bought one of those mason jar sealer things and will dig out my large mason jars and start putting them in for sealing them is to help them last longer in the refrigerator.  That's always been my problem, I buy the good stuff and then we don't eat it fast enough and it wilts or rots - a carton of strawberries is molding in less than a week.  So I may not get to it today, but with being off tomorrow (July 3rd) I can perhaps get some done.  Need to go buy some more jars as well.  I have a mason jar sealer for 'someone' if he wants it, since I seem to dump veggies on him occasionally.... just saying.  I need to try mine first, I guess.

I'm back to work today and I'm sure it will be a 'light' day.  Maybe I'll actually get the minutes completed. I need to get focused and get these things done and quit procrastinating.  Perhaps I'm just bored?  I'd really love REAL work to do, if you know what I mean.  Sue doesn't give me much to do, Brett's gone, Anita is on PTO, and Kynda just gives meetings occasionally.  I'm actually hoping that when Sue retires they will offer me retirement; they don't need me.  But, I'm sure that I will be given others who WILL give me work to do!  I need to keep my mind active.  My big brother is always telling me to learn something every day.  Well, I'm lazy, and haven't. Although I did finish another book last night - which brings me to 25 of the 50 books I made as goal.  So 25 more to go by the end of the year. So my timing is about right - 6 months are gone, 6 months to go!

I was reading today about how hard it is to forgive ourselves for things we have done.  Say we did something to someone that hurt them, and we go and apologize, and they forgive us.  We ask God to forgive us, and He does.  But the problem remains, do we forgive ourselves?  If we find we cannot forgive ourselves, (we may never forget, but forgiveness is something else) we make ourselves miserable.  Christ died for us.  He took all our sins to the cross and they were nailed there.  Why do we want to pick up our sins and put them back on ourselves and beat ourselves up?  God says that 'He remembers our sins no more" once we confess them to us.  He forgives us. So grateful.  So very grateful. 

Like you, I remember my sins, but I cannot wallow in them, for I have confessed them, and I have made amends where I can, and I have God's forgiveness.  My remembrance is to teach me not to do it again. It isn't to continuously make me feel guilty, or shame me. I have been forgiven by the One who loves me unconditionally.  I am forgiven; my sins are forgotten.  I don't have to beat myself up by them.

Are you the hardest person for you to forgive? Do you feel like you've blown it and your life can never be quite the same? That's a lie.

Your sin does not define you. God's love is bigger than your worst mistake.  Jesus paid the cost and took the guilt of your sin. 

There is no condemnation left for you.  God still has a great plan for your life. 

It's time to stop hating the enemy you've made yourself into. It's time to stop repaying yourself evil for evil. It's time to forgive yourself so that you can be free.

Let go and let God. 

Have an amazing day!

Blessings!

(words in blue from Restore by Vince Antonucci.

The long awaited day.....

 I took today off.  Why?  Because I have a doctor's appointment, as does hubby.  His is for his yearly physical, mine is to review my levothyroxine dosage.  More on me later.  But yes, hubby is getting his yearly physical and will be declared 'healthy', as he always is.  I just wish his mind was.  Truth be told, we both have been taking something for the past few months that is to help with the mind; I don't feel it has helped me.... but maybe I'm looking at it wrong and it has. But I know it hasn't helped hubby in the way I wanted it to help him.  But what does he declare?  "Oh I can really tell a difference!  I am thinking much more clearly!"  But isn't that what most people say when they know people are noticing behavior that is not normal?  Sigh.  But his BP is always good - like 107/70. Well, why not? He has no worries. (I say that sarcastically)

My appointment is to check my thyroid med.  Been on it probably 40 years and the dosage has barely gone up. Except my previous doctor had raised it.  Dr. Mark thinks it is too high and had me adjust my pills, i.e., breaking one in half and taking a 1/2 dosage 2 days a week.  Last check it had lowered and he felt I could go back to a .88 dosage.  Only this time, I checked SQL first and I am back in the red again on the results.  It could be blamed on other things, I suppose, and I will have to confess some un-prescribed stuff I've been doing to him, but don't know what effect that would have on my thyroid.  Regardless, since I have my physical with him in September, he may have me continue what I'm doing (1/2 pill two days and a whole one the remaining 5 days) and retest in before I come back in September. Oh well, dreading my visit because of one thing... but he is my doctor and needs to know all I'm doing, right?  And MY BP seems to be going up and I don't want to take BP meds!  I like just having three prescriptions - levothyroxine, simvastatin, and Fosamax. I hate the Fosamax but think I have yet another year on it. Not sure what he will take me to next.  I googled once and my cost (with only medicare and no other insurance (like, as if I was retired) for Prolia is like $600 twice a year.  Uh no.  I think my brother went to Reclast after Fosamax for 5 years... and it's an infusion.  Don't know what that cost would be. Darn bones anyway.  I have learned the Fosamax just works on the outside of the bone.  In the meantime, the inside of the bone could get weaker.  So whatever I take next is to build up the inside of the bone.  Why can't they just create a drug that will do both?  I hate taking drugs!!

On another note.... I picked up the two combo boxes yesterday and OH MY!  I don't know what I was expecting, but certainly NOT two cases of sweet peppers, 8 bags in a case.  These sweet peppers range from 8-10 inches long, I think!  What in the world am I going to do with all these sweet peppers?  Plus they put in avocados, tomatoes, yellow bell peppers, red bell peppers, mini cucumbers, and I got two cases of English cucumbers (the ones with the plastic wrapped around them)...  I called my granddaughter and she came up and took a couple bags of the sweet peppers and a few other things.  I contacted my DIL.  I had to laugh, somewhat.  We text, cause she is working.  I had taken several veggies up to her the night before.  I sorta advised I had all these things and after a few thoughts tossed back and forth.... she texts that 'R likes all those things'.  So I asked 'Do you have room?"  Her response?  "We will make room!"  LOL  So I loaded up 4 bags of the very large sweet peppers and several other items and took up to her. Grateful she was taking them off my hands.  I still have about 8 bags or more but will gradually get them passed out to the neighbors.  Maybe I will take a couple down to the girls in Dr. Mark's office.  Great to munch on - and healthy too, right?  I used up several of the sweet peppers last night and added onions and kielbasa to it and they were good!  We have some left over and will have either for a snack after we get home or I'll throw something else with it and we can have for dinner.  Hubby thought we could have the leftovers for lunch today, but with being in the doctor's office from 10-12 today (my appt at 10, his at 11), I told him we'll probably stop for lunch on the way home!  He don't care... as long as he gets to eat.

Needless to say, I won't be getting any combo boxes for awhile.  I accidentally bought two this time and should have called and changed to one, but did not.  Even with one box, sometimes I still need to share what I get. 

Good news - sorta.  I may FINALLY get my oven and stove back on July 6th!  Hubby called and confirmed yesterday that the appliance company will be here between 8-12.  I won't know how to act to have both my oven and stove back!  I've really gotten used to using my electric skillets and air fryer more than anything.  I still need to find the instructions for my grill... daggone, I still haven't used it.  And I should!  It's one of those 'I will put the instructions here so I know where they are at' and now I don't remember where I put them!  Every place I've looked that I thought I would have put them - they aren't there!  But it will be in a simple place when I find them, right?

Today is July 1st. Again, this year feels like it is flying by.  Half the year is gone, and my blogs have been reduced to daily ramblings.  I did have great plans for this blog when I started it in 2011. Huh.  Just remembered my son set it up for me after I 'retired' from working for a year.  I did have great plans for it. Didn't post on it every day like I do now, which is probably why I ramble so much.  Why could I possibly share every day that would be interesting?  For the most part, my rambling is not, I'm sure, but it does keep family who read in here updated on most of what is going on in my life. Some things just can't be shared, of course, but I have opened myself up more and more as I write.  My heart has been laid bare in some cases.  And it helps me to share that, at times, for without a 'face' to judge me, I can work through some things just by getting my pain out before me.  Writing does that.

As I wrote out my prayer this morning in my journal, it was another brutal, honest, and heart-bearing one. I am sure most of my pain is self-inflicted - guilt perhaps?  But I also have learned that people carry hurt at times that no one sees, because sharing it with others is too painful. And we are protective of those who hurt us, most times.  We want people to know our pain, but not always the cause of it. And the pain can come from different sources.  Sometimes the pain is so real it takes the breath away.  But we push on through it.  Other times it is just words spoken and received in anger, in frustration, that drives us to withdrawal and emptiness.  Oh that my prayers could be answered the way I ask!  But then again, I do not see the big picture; I do not see how my prayers affect others. But I want my own way. But I also know that 'my own way' is not always the best way, and I must be patient and allow God to do what only He can do.  I surrender to that.  As painful as it is, giving up my desires and wants, I submit to His authority, His vision.  All I can say is "Lord, please help me to be who You created me to be.  Help me to fall deeper in love with You, and totally and completely surrender to Your will for me."

I think I mentioned a few days ago that hubby and I had the conversation about using a cane. He finally agreed that 'maybe' he should use one.  Monday I ordered him a cane from Amazon that had the 'feet' on the bottom so that it wouldn't fall.  We all know he wouldn't know what to do with one at the table and if it fell, he couldn't pick it up.  When it came yesterday, among his comments about me getting more packages (I can't help it if Amazon haul delivers sporadically; I haven't ordered anything else), I handed him the package with the cane in it. "What is this?" he asked.  And when he opened it, he actually got angry.  He didn't want it. I told him 'Fine!  When you fall I will walk away and just leave you there to get up on your own!'  OH MY GOODNESS!  That started a barrage of "You wouldn't leave me laying on asphalt and getting burned!! You cannot leave me on the floor!"  Needless to say, the evening wasn't perfect after that. Of course I wouldn't leave him on the floor, but I told him that if he is too proud to use a cane (because he feels that makes him 'old'), why should anyone help him if he falls.  

Hmmm. Makes me think with that comment of not using a cane because it makes him feel old, I have chosen NOT to attend some functions at church for the 55 and older women because I don't want to feel 'old'!  Truth! Some women, once they turn a certain age, quit living, if you know what I mean.  They quit work, so they quit being active, they become like grandmothers of old.  And then their body starts to slow down, deteriorate.  I don't want to be like that!  I want to live and move and breathe!!  And it gets harder every day because of the prison I live in.  So I pay to have someone train me to get my muscles strong as I age.  I've been writing down my exercises each time so that when I 'retire' - if that ever happens, I can continue these exercises and know what to do. Grateful that Morgan doesn't always use the equipment, but uses the dumbbells and the wraps to do exercises with.  I can do the majority of these from home.

And wow - I have written a bunch of stuff today - a lot of nonsense - haven't I! So - with that, I need to get off here, and get ready to head to the doctor's office.  I forgot to put my out of office on the work computer yesterday so need to do that first.  Working tomorrow, then off Friday for the July 4th holiday.  Too bad every day isn't a holiday, right?

Don't be critical or hard on others, for you don't know what really is going on behind their behavior, behind their words.  Sometimes life is so very hard, but we get through it - with God's help.  Be kind.

Have an amazing day!

Blessings!