The long awaited day.....

 I took today off.  Why?  Because I have a doctor's appointment, as does hubby.  His is for his yearly physical, mine is to review my levothyroxine dosage.  More on me later.  But yes, hubby is getting his yearly physical and will be declared 'healthy', as he always is.  I just wish his mind was.  Truth be told, we both have been taking something for the past few months that is to help with the mind; I don't feel it has helped me.... but maybe I'm looking at it wrong and it has. But I know it hasn't helped hubby in the way I wanted it to help him.  But what does he declare?  "Oh I can really tell a difference!  I am thinking much more clearly!"  But isn't that what most people say when they know people are noticing behavior that is not normal?  Sigh.  But his BP is always good - like 107/70. Well, why not? He has no worries. (I say that sarcastically)

My appointment is to check my thyroid med.  Been on it probably 40 years and the dosage has barely gone up. Except my previous doctor had raised it.  Dr. Mark thinks it is too high and had me adjust my pills, i.e., breaking one in half and taking a 1/2 dosage 2 days a week.  Last check it had lowered and he felt I could go back to a .88 dosage.  Only this time, I checked SQL first and I am back in the red again on the results.  It could be blamed on other things, I suppose, and I will have to confess some un-prescribed stuff I've been doing to him, but don't know what effect that would have on my thyroid.  Regardless, since I have my physical with him in September, he may have me continue what I'm doing (1/2 pill two days and a whole one the remaining 5 days) and retest in before I come back in September. Oh well, dreading my visit because of one thing... but he is my doctor and needs to know all I'm doing, right?  And MY BP seems to be going up and I don't want to take BP meds!  I like just having three prescriptions - levothyroxine, simvastatin, and Fosamax. I hate the Fosamax but think I have yet another year on it. Not sure what he will take me to next.  I googled once and my cost (with only medicare and no other insurance (like, as if I was retired) for Prolia is like $600 twice a year.  Uh no.  I think my brother went to Reclast after Fosamax for 5 years... and it's an infusion.  Don't know what that cost would be. Darn bones anyway.  I have learned the Fosamax just works on the outside of the bone.  In the meantime, the inside of the bone could get weaker.  So whatever I take next is to build up the inside of the bone.  Why can't they just create a drug that will do both?  I hate taking drugs!!

On another note.... I picked up the two combo boxes yesterday and OH MY!  I don't know what I was expecting, but certainly NOT two cases of sweet peppers, 8 bags in a case.  These sweet peppers range from 8-10 inches long, I think!  What in the world am I going to do with all these sweet peppers?  Plus they put in avocados, tomatoes, yellow bell peppers, red bell peppers, mini cucumbers, and I got two cases of English cucumbers (the ones with the plastic wrapped around them)...  I called my granddaughter and she came up and took a couple bags of the sweet peppers and a few other things.  I contacted my DIL.  I had to laugh, somewhat.  We text, cause she is working.  I had taken several veggies up to her the night before.  I sorta advised I had all these things and after a few thoughts tossed back and forth.... she texts that 'R likes all those things'.  So I asked 'Do you have room?"  Her response?  "We will make room!"  LOL  So I loaded up 4 bags of the very large sweet peppers and several other items and took up to her. Grateful she was taking them off my hands.  I still have about 8 bags or more but will gradually get them passed out to the neighbors.  Maybe I will take a couple down to the girls in Dr. Mark's office.  Great to munch on - and healthy too, right?  I used up several of the sweet peppers last night and added onions and kielbasa to it and they were good!  We have some left over and will have either for a snack after we get home or I'll throw something else with it and we can have for dinner.  Hubby thought we could have the leftovers for lunch today, but with being in the doctor's office from 10-12 today (my appt at 10, his at 11), I told him we'll probably stop for lunch on the way home!  He don't care... as long as he gets to eat.

Needless to say, I won't be getting any combo boxes for awhile.  I accidentally bought two this time and should have called and changed to one, but did not.  Even with one box, sometimes I still need to share what I get. 

Good news - sorta.  I may FINALLY get my oven and stove back on July 6th!  Hubby called and confirmed yesterday that the appliance company will be here between 8-12.  I won't know how to act to have both my oven and stove back!  I've really gotten used to using my electric skillets and air fryer more than anything.  I still need to find the instructions for my grill... daggone, I still haven't used it.  And I should!  It's one of those 'I will put the instructions here so I know where they are at' and now I don't remember where I put them!  Every place I've looked that I thought I would have put them - they aren't there!  But it will be in a simple place when I find them, right?

Today is July 1st. Again, this year feels like it is flying by.  Half the year is gone, and my blogs have been reduced to daily ramblings.  I did have great plans for this blog when I started it in 2011. Huh.  Just remembered my son set it up for me after I 'retired' from working for a year.  I did have great plans for it. Didn't post on it every day like I do now, which is probably why I ramble so much.  Why could I possibly share every day that would be interesting?  For the most part, my rambling is not, I'm sure, but it does keep family who read in here updated on most of what is going on in my life. Some things just can't be shared, of course, but I have opened myself up more and more as I write.  My heart has been laid bare in some cases.  And it helps me to share that, at times, for without a 'face' to judge me, I can work through some things just by getting my pain out before me.  Writing does that.

As I wrote out my prayer this morning in my journal, it was another brutal, honest, and heart-bearing one. I am sure most of my pain is self-inflicted - guilt perhaps?  But I also have learned that people carry hurt at times that no one sees, because sharing it with others is too painful. And we are protective of those who hurt us, most times.  We want people to know our pain, but not always the cause of it. And the pain can come from different sources.  Sometimes the pain is so real it takes the breath away.  But we push on through it.  Other times it is just words spoken and received in anger, in frustration, that drives us to withdrawal and emptiness.  Oh that my prayers could be answered the way I ask!  But then again, I do not see the big picture; I do not see how my prayers affect others. But I want my own way. But I also know that 'my own way' is not always the best way, and I must be patient and allow God to do what only He can do.  I surrender to that.  As painful as it is, giving up my desires and wants, I submit to His authority, His vision.  All I can say is "Lord, please help me to be who You created me to be.  Help me to fall deeper in love with You, and totally and completely surrender to Your will for me."

I think I mentioned a few days ago that hubby and I had the conversation about using a cane. He finally agreed that 'maybe' he should use one.  Monday I ordered him a cane from Amazon that had the 'feet' on the bottom so that it wouldn't fall.  We all know he wouldn't know what to do with one at the table and if it fell, he couldn't pick it up.  When it came yesterday, among his comments about me getting more packages (I can't help it if Amazon haul delivers sporadically; I haven't ordered anything else), I handed him the package with the cane in it. "What is this?" he asked.  And when he opened it, he actually got angry.  He didn't want it. I told him 'Fine!  When you fall I will walk away and just leave you there to get up on your own!'  OH MY GOODNESS!  That started a barrage of "You wouldn't leave me laying on asphalt and getting burned!! You cannot leave me on the floor!"  Needless to say, the evening wasn't perfect after that. Of course I wouldn't leave him on the floor, but I told him that if he is too proud to use a cane (because he feels that makes him 'old'), why should anyone help him if he falls.  

Hmmm. Makes me think with that comment of not using a cane because it makes him feel old, I have chosen NOT to attend some functions at church for the 55 and older women because I don't want to feel 'old'!  Truth! Some women, once they turn a certain age, quit living, if you know what I mean.  They quit work, so they quit being active, they become like grandmothers of old.  And then their body starts to slow down, deteriorate.  I don't want to be like that!  I want to live and move and breathe!!  And it gets harder every day because of the prison I live in.  So I pay to have someone train me to get my muscles strong as I age.  I've been writing down my exercises each time so that when I 'retire' - if that ever happens, I can continue these exercises and know what to do. Grateful that Morgan doesn't always use the equipment, but uses the dumbbells and the wraps to do exercises with.  I can do the majority of these from home.

And wow - I have written a bunch of stuff today - a lot of nonsense - haven't I! So - with that, I need to get off here, and get ready to head to the doctor's office.  I forgot to put my out of office on the work computer yesterday so need to do that first.  Working tomorrow, then off Friday for the July 4th holiday.  Too bad every day isn't a holiday, right?

Don't be critical or hard on others, for you don't know what really is going on behind their behavior, behind their words.  Sometimes life is so very hard, but we get through it - with God's help.  Be kind.

Have an amazing day!

Blessings!